Archive for May, 2002

Too sore to be angry!

Thursday, May 30th, 2002

Firstly, Sarah, glad to see you back. Although I had never responded to your news of graduating I have often thought about you making your mark and felt very proud of you. So my belated congratulations to you and my on going thoughts as always.
Charlie, My agent represents writers mostly and also specialises in getting projects up. If you a have a script for me and it works – pushes all the right buttons – Rima will work her butt of to get a deal sown up. We have just put one together regarding a film script I wrote with a friend. They threw my script out but bought the concept and are now writing their version of my idea.
Thanks all for your comments and thanks for not saying “something better is round the corner” ….no doubt there is….AHHHH I said it!!! I am too sore from ditch digging to be angry. Lots to think about. I am very lucky I have lots of possibilities ahead, Ive just got to get up and make stuff happen – just like Sarah stood up and Graduated!
I’m off to teach a ballet class today. It will be my first class since 1998….tomorrow I will be truely sore.
Who said you get what you need not what you want? At least it keeps life spontaneous. To know joy you need know pain, to know happiness you need know saddness, to know light you need know dark…. these are just facts of life but all these experiences are designed for one thing and I think that is for us to know love. And love has no opposite by the way – I hear someone say yes it does…hate is the opposite. Mmm hate is just another word for fear and to know fear you need know fearlessness.
I love to listen to my children breath at night whilst they sleep. Isnt that the sound of Angels singing?

Heard the news today, oh boy…

Tuesday, May 28th, 2002

Didnt even get a call back. Feeling pretty lousy. Feeling pretty angry: not about the job but about the life of an actor, about my life as an actor, here…
I felt positive and put my trust in faith…Did I believe? I’m not sure if I believe anything any more…specially since my brother killed himself.
I write this worried what you reading this may say….well this is my blog, I dont want you to make me feel better and please no “it was meant for a reason”…. “saving you for something else”…..I want to vent, I want to express the dissapointment I feel, the fear about what happens tomorrow that I feel and the complete loss of self that I seem to banging up against constantly…..
In a film : “Joseph” at the end of the first half I screamed (my character screamed from the dungeon whilst rain pelted down on him from above) “GOD, Why have you forsaken me!” Art immitates life and I as Joseph did then (rememeber I am venting) ask now….God, what is it that you want from me? What is it that I am missing?
Hey it’s only one role and one that I didnt feel overly excited or challenged by playing but it could have been a future….maybe.
Tomorrow I am working for a plumber, digging ditches at a high school where I may or may not be recognised – I know there are many people worse off but none the less I find it hard. In fact the first job up tomorrow is putting in a box gutter at a homeless mens refuge…..I know there is a message there somewhere!?
I am a light, I am meant for greatness….. an ant can move a mountain but the mountain cannot move an ant!
Perhaps I have thought being greatness was being the mountain….
Always food for thought. I’m going to go and celebrate the wonders of living and contemplate the next step.

Food for thought

Saturday, May 25th, 2002

I do read all the comments and whilst I take it in and think about them I do not reply directly to them – although I may start adding to the comment list to stay in a particular thread. That said I thought I would make a couple of replies to comments now:
Phil – good to hear from you and I will smack Jo on the noggin when I see him. He is moving to Melbourne by the way.
Incubus girl thinks I am over the hill at 39! MMMM….I’ve been over many hills in my adventurous lifetime and plan to conquer many more. Age isnt a barrier only an attitude!
I have a huge folder of my poems that I have written since I was 17. I have always thought I would like to put them in a book and publish them. The title is “Diary of an Angry Young Man” Thats because it was through my poetry or writings that I explored my internal world and that helped me work through my external world. Some of you readers have expressed an interest in buying such a tome. Maybe I’ll get the folder out and start typing them up and publish them for you. They are hardly pretty but they are an honest journey.
I am also working on writing a cook book! LOL I know!! It is in fact based on cooking with one of my favourite ingredients – Beer! I have had a couple of my recipes published in magazines here in OZ and also I have cooked on a couple of TV shows. It’s all a bit silly really but I love it! The finished product is about a year or more away – release date is Fathers day 2003. Maybe I will see if Cat can put an order page up on the site.
Regarding cooking I am hosting a beer dinner at a local micro brewery here in Melbourne. As part of the dinner I am making Jalapeno Poppers. Now I have never made them before but will do my first experiment today – poblano chillies or jalapeno chillies grilled, peeled stuffed with cheese, mint and chives dipped in beer batter and deep fried. If any one out there wants to send me a tried and true recipe for these I will put it my records and give it a go – they might even make it into my book!
Why is it that it is easier to imagine the worst instead of the best?
Charlie, my agent in L.A is Rima Greer. the name of the agency is Above the Line and her number is 310 8596115. Send the script to her, she will read it and send it to me. I will read it and then what happens after that is up to the universe and us of course.
No we dont get Iron Chef out here. And the beer in my hand in the picture is Coopers Sparkling Ale. Yes you can get it in the States but I dont know where. You will have to search it out, I will ask my friends at Coopers for the name of the distributor and let you know.
Someone reminded me of a very early post of mine regarding being reminded to talk about moments and nothing. When I find a moment to talk of nothing I shall. It’s probably an all too common activity….
I also have another topic to talk about, the title is “want”. So get ready for that one. For now I have to take my two young daughters off to the doctors – they have colds that they cant shake off. And then it’s popper discovery time!
Have a good one.
Paul
ps anything you really want to know, ask me. If there is too much I will endevour to get throught it all eventually.

Update

Saturday, May 25th, 2002

Well the audition was friday last week. It is now 8 days later. I was informed that they were meeting yesterday to make their desicions regarding call backs and I would get a call in the afternoon to let me know how I was placed.
Guess what…no phone call! No call is better than no for an answer but now I will have to get through the weekend before I get news. It is hard being the sort of person who likes to know where he stands! Hopefully I’ll hear Monday or Tuesday!
I’ll keep you posted.

Nailed It!

Friday, May 17th, 2002

As I said I would. Thankyou for the thoughts.
It is a challenge to go through these auditions when you only get one a month or less – as is sadly the way in Oz. When I go to L.A it is not unusual for me to have 3 in a day and I think my record was 5!
The build up is gradual but it certainly gathers an energy, momentum and an urgency that is in a way deafening. Then BAM your in the audition room – which I think is kind of like being in the eye of the storm where everything is quiet and still and normal – where the storm or the world no longer exists. It is a very focused place – nothing else exists but the moment. Then bam your out of the room the storm takes hold again but with a gradual depleting of energies until it is over, the force has gone out – spent as it were.
I really enjoyed the audition – mind you I look at it as not so much an audition but rather a workshop – a place to push boundaries, connect with people – the directer, casting director and the other actor reading the scene – It is not a be all and end all but a journey grabbed mid stride and dissected. The process is fascinating and also addictive. When you start you just want to keep going further and deeper to find those gems that live in the text or the conflict or the relationship lurking behind the words and manifesting themselves within the actor opposite!
AH MORE PLEASE MORE
But now it is done!
And it is now time for part three of this experience that I share with you. I’ve done the prep with all of it’s insecurities and challenges and unknowns. I’ve done the audition and wouldnt want to change a thing – I love it when you finish a scene and you see these battle hardened directors moved!
Now,
I have to wait……………………………

Wish me luck!

Thursday, May 16th, 2002

I know you all do and will, so come this friday morning Australian time send a little positive thought my way if you have time and inclination. I have an audition for the lead in a popular TV series which I am rather excited about!
Excited by the idea of working and being creative, excited by the idea of having a bit of security ahead, excited by the possibilities….
I got to get it first and that’s why I am asking for a little thought from you all – will it help? Hey – I will know I wont be in there (the audition room) alone – I’ll have some friends along with me!
So I go to walk that fine line of seeing myself in the role, being positive, having faith and being open and honest to the point where I allow them to pick me up and swirl me off to dizzying heights or to trample over me in their rush to get to the other terrific choice just behind me. These are the things I am sure most actors contemplate in this scenario. It is always a fine line – to be completely open for a pat on the back or a push out the window mmmm…. a mix of excitement and fear.
Ha who would have thought an audition could be so full of danger??? It makes me laugh thinking about it now as I write. I promise I will have a laugh during the audtion too – just to keep a real perspective.
I promise, myself first and then you guys, I will nail it as I always do and then it will be up to the universe. I wonder which side of the line she’ll choose for me?
I’ll keep you posted.
Paul

LIFESTYLE program body+soul looks set

Monday, May 6th, 2002

LIFESTYLE program body+soul looks set to make a return with Nine believed to have commissioned more episodes. The series, hosted by Paul Mercurio, Erika Heynatz, Toby Allen and Karina Brown, is a spin-off from the Sunday Mail’s weekly lift-out.
–By: Neil Melloy, Courier News. 12 April 2002

all roads

Sunday, May 5th, 2002

Anything I say in this Corner is an inner dialogue to help me pass the time away as I walk the adventurous path of my life – and perhaps arrive at somewheres sometimes. If we can share the dialogue, the more the merrier, the more somewheres and sometimes we may arrive at. And the more friends to share it with!
One of my favourite saying from “Illusions of a Reluctant Messiah” by Richard Bach, “there is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it’s hand”
I may have put this on the Corner before and I probably will again.
I have a story to tell: The story goes:
Bazmark – Baz Lurhmans production company – and Fox are releasing a three pack DVD of Baz’s films: Strictly Ballroom, Romeo and Juliet and Moulin Rouge – and including with this will be a bonus DVD disk full of behind the scenes stuff from the making of all his movies. To cut a long story short My contract for
Strictly meant that Fox couldn’t use my image likeness or voice without my permission which they eventually asked for – and it was the first I knew of it -on the deadline day for the DVD production. It was another case of “I” do it to feel good, while “they” make the money. Something I have been doing happily over the last eleven years since making the film. However I thought it was time, and fairly so, to seek a fee for my participation so I asked for a fair and
equitable fee. They bluntly refused and informed me that if I withheld my permission they would be forced to blur me out of the footage. I suggested to them if they were to make money from this venture then after eleven years of doing freebies I thought it was time they shared a little. They again said no, so I have withheld my permission and now they must cut me from all footage. It seems so as to avoid paying me a fee they are going through the expense of removing me from the footage.
Disappointing to say the least.
So when this three pack DVD comes out with the bonus disk full of behind the scenes stuff, I unfortunately wont be on it. I am sorry about this. I am sorry to the fans who will have missed out on some good stuff – not that there will not be some great stuff on it – just none of me. And I am sorry because it would have been nice to have it for myself as a historical record.
Not every one will agree with my stand – and thats ok – thats what makes us different. Strictly would have grossed upward of one hundred million dollars Aus of which I have not recieved one cent – not that I had or have any right to it. But wouldnt it be nice to think, that as they continue to profit by it they might also share some of those profits with those whose image they use to profit by it!
Perhaps it is these sorts of things that drag heavily on the hem of Faiths dress.

What a great gift

Saturday, May 4th, 2002

Reading the comments posted regarding Faith is such a great gift to me and I hope also to those others who have read and or posted. It reminded me about how lucky and fortunate I am. It also reminded me of some core understandings I have between myself and the universe.
Thank you Dhiana for your jewish sounding scottish references but also for the line – you are a part of the divine creation, so let that wash over you ….. For long I have had an understanding that as a child of the universe I am charged or given the gift of bringing it’s essence – the positive power of the universe – to others. Thus I guess being a performer on a world stage. Some of my frustration comes from feeling I am not getting out there and delivering, but more importantly, as many people pointed out – I am doing it with some of the most important and precious people in my life – my family. And as finishing idea if I do not allow my self to be washed over by the positive power of the universe, to submerse myself in its light and glow, to trust in the devine – how can I share that gift/joy with others?
It is the simple joys in life that bring the simple pleasure and one might say the most fulfilling because they are free from expectations. So Heather and all of you reading enjoy the smell of roses and of your children but beware you cannot slow it down so as to make the experience linger – I know I have tried. Just fill yourself up with all of that love as often as you can.
Something to remember and work on and Sarah some thoughts for you – dont do anything to get something. Much harder than it sounds I know. Be positive to be positve. Smile at someone, they may or may not take warmth in it but in the act of smiling you have warmed your own soul. Be nice to others because you are being nice to you and be a good friend firstly to yourself. The adage like attracts like is true. If you genuinely love yourself others will also love your genuineness and you! As Grant said when others have faith in you it becomes easier to believe in yourself. The same goes for if you have love and joy of yourself you it is easier also to accept it from others.
cioa for now

Thanks

Wednesday, May 1st, 2002

Thanks for the comments guys. And a big thanks to Cat for getting me the comments option. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and feelings and just as much enjoy the tangents that come back. It allows me to stretch even more and contemplate life on a deeper level and also on a shallower level!! It’s all about balance, harmony and chaos:)! I mean without chaos where would we find balance and harmony. How would we know when we trod in it? MMMMM
As for my projects here in Aus getting to US well I am working on what I can change and leaving well enough alone what I cant – as for knowing the difference sometimes you just have to get burnt to work it out!! You never stop caring though do ya? The beer and food project is kinda sitting at the moment while I wait to hear about my lifestyle show. As for other work, things are desperately quiet…..desperately quiet should give you an idea of how I am feeling about it. What I am doing about it is looking after my health trying not to yell at the kids or wife and and putting one foot in front of the other on this road they call faith…..where the hell it is taking me I know not. Mmmmmmmmm Faith, thats an interesting one! Sometimes it seems like a stripper offering all kinds of dizzying opportunities and other times it is like a sunset over my favorite beach. Lets talk about that for a while!
I wish you all well.
Paul