Archive for October, 2007

To whom it does concern

Saturday, October 6th, 2007

I am really disappointed…. but maybe that says a lot about me. I always thought that you can work with friends and work colleagues can be friends, business partners can be honest enough in their dealings to not hide behind being mates but then stab you in the back or front or side when it suits them. I am disappointed in you! Your lack of communication, your childish sulks and your unfortunate misguided sense of pride has not only hurt me but also irrepairably you and your business. I dont really understand as I gave you everything I could, my creative vulnerableness, my trust, my loyalty and my neck and it now seems you repay that by not a word. I have been cut off and therefore everything I gave to you has become cheap, everything we created amounts to nothing because you care more about your pride, your standing, your ego and your place in the world than our friendship and our successful creative partnership. I guess what irks me is you told me stories of how you discommunicate those who do you wrong and now I am included. I only did you right and even let things that were not to my best interest slip so that we may creatively achieve and sadly at the crunch it would seem you would blame me for what truthfully is your failure. Read that again and let it sink in – you have failed and you have failed me and you have failed you and that is what makes me angry the most, that you would seek to find some one else to blame for your failure and your mistakes. You would blame me for sticking by you for how long….? You have said we are very alike – and we are, and I am grateful for the relationship and the experience we have had together and am deeply saddened that more has not been forthcoming but I have also learnt that where we are alike is not the part of me I wish to invite within to become a permanent fixture of who I am. I do not wish to become you (a possibility that I will need to be aware of) and although there is much of you that I admire I cannot respect you, for you elevate yourself above others (me) and justify your pride and your ego as talent and those that doubt that, question that (as I dared) and rufute that are struck off from once we were friends.
That leaves me feeling a little used and saddened how it leaves you I am sure you wont say but from the time we spent together I know the affect it takes on you and I dont get why you do it to yourself – pride? Is it worth it???
After trying to make it happen for you and I for so long I am now working at looking after me and and my family (which you befriended) and not one word from you – friend? I guess not and perhaps never because I dont know how a real friend does that. I have been honest, transparent and loyal all the way and you have played me.
Somehow I need to take a leaf from your book and not give a damn.