Yep well we’ve gone and done it haven’t we…I say ‘we’ because ‘we’ all welcomed in the new year in some form or another. Now I am already three quarters through the first day of next year. (Question when does it stop being next year and become this year?) Just to be up front I am not all that impressed that next year is here and I am already living it. I was quite happy to wait a little longer for it to arrive – yes I begrudgingly welcomed it in (ask my wife I was a little grumpy about the whole thing) it’s not like I really had a choice right? And quite frankly I am not ready for it!! It’s not that there are things I’ve left undone in 2012 (although I still haven’t unpacked the garage) it’s just that I am not ready for it, I don’t feel optimistic about it, I haven’t got myself into that positive space where I can welcome in the new knowing full well that there is nothing new about welcoming the New Year. Next year is full of the same old same old of last year and that was hard enough to deal with so how am I supposed to get over that while being faced with a whole new year of it ahead of me?????
Yes embrace change, embrace the unknown, create your future, one door closes and another one opens, something will come up it always does (especially if you wait %*#*ing long enough) see the possible in every moment etcetera etcetera. Well yes the door of 2012 certainly closed and the door of 2013 certainly opened (so I guess that bit is true) only I can see no discernible difference in the two and now I am not sure if I am going forward or backward but feel as if I am doing both i.e. I am going backwards into the future.
Oh well I guess I just have to suck it up – I have stepped off the precipice of 2012 and am now free falling into 2013 – I would be lying if I told you I am not worried about the landing, I am. I don’t want more of the same – I want new, exciting, more fulfilling, more prosperity – I WANT IT TO BE A BETTER YEAR THAN THE ONE JUST GONE.
There were significant and wonderful changes in my family’s life last year starting around June and which are still in play. Maybe that has rocked my boat more than I realise – although I do realise the import of the changes and the deep affect they have had on all of us – things are no longer the same and thus, perhaps the crux of the matter, I do not want 2013 to be the same like 2012 was and indeed 2011.
Time for more change then?! Bring it on….I may not be ready (just yet) 2013 but I am willing and I am able!
I may go finish unpacking the garage – better sort the past out so I can step into the future without baggage!