I have been away for the last week and a bit. It was the anniversary of my younger Brother’s suicide. It was hard. I didnt want to go home but Mum was there on her own and I didnt want her to be alone over that week. My wife and children came over. We tried to make it about family rather than about death but we couldnt escape the pain that still lingers. A year ago at his funeral I said that I was changed forever, I now had a ball of sadness in my heart and would have it forever. A year later it is still there. But I have also noticed around that ball of saddness another ball has appeared. This one is a ball of joy full of memories of my Brother and my time shared with him. People say you you have to experience one thing to know another. Well, I already knew the joy, but perhaps now with the saddness it makes the joy so much more bright.