Good News

Firstly I added to the previous post on love hate and fear. To keep the discussion going on a topic lets just add to the thread.
I am still bloody sore from diggin my ditches!!!! and to add to that I have taught a couple of ballet classes this last week and my calves are screaming at me – I think they are happy they are certainly alive:)!! I have enjoyed going back to lovely spiritual place for me – dance.
Oh yes the good news… lifestyle show is getting back up and running. They reckon we will start shooting in July and have an on air date of August 1. Dont how many or for how long but probably 13 episodes. So yahoo!!!! I’m going to be working again in a month, back on the tele. The last 4 months have been hard and I feel I am a different bloke from the one that shot the first 8 episodes all those months ago. I am looking forward to seeing who what how and where I am.
Got some gossip on my audition past which I didnt get a call back for. Not sure if I should post it but hey I’m going to…..The network knew in advance who they wanted for the role, so the auditions were all a sham! They auditioned for a 35 yo character etc I have it on bad gossip info that the person they want to offer it to and knew prior to any auditon being held is around the 50 mark! Hmmm
As far as I am concerned I am relieved that it wasnt that I sucked and in fact to the contrary – so the gossip goes – but it pisses me off that they make us actors do the work and then go through the emotional roller coaster ride of wanting it, dreaming about making it, giving body and soul to creating it, of investing all that positive energy into something that was in fact decided before they even rang to get you to come in for an audition!!!!!!!!!
As an actor I have no problem if the powers that be want someone and make an offer – if I should be so lucky!- Do It! But dont make us jump through the hoops for no reason or worse yet for your amusement!
Nuff said.

66 Responses to “Good News”

  1. Kay Lynne says:

    I realize we all have been getting extremely deep in our thoughts these last few days, so can I please be so bold as to change the subject, just a little? (We can go back to being philosophical in a moment.)
    Paul, who was/is your greatest influence both in your acting and in your dancing career? Was there ever anyone you wanted to emmulate? They say the role model(s) one chooses tells a lot about that individual.
    (Personally, I’d like to grow up to be Lauren Bacall! (lol).
    OK, now we can go back to being serious.
    Take care, all.

  2. Nicole says:

    Hi Paul,
    glad to hear about your spot on the television! and dont worry so much about the sham of an audition…if anything, its an experience that you can learn from, yourself and others. good luck! oh and its funny, ive been away for a few weeks, and i had just watched the first half of joseph before i left…its intersting how it showed up in your commentary….great work by the way-keep it up!

  3. Paul says:

    I never really felt like I had a role model. One of the reasons I got in to dance was all those really great old musicals. Every Saturday afternoon we would watch the movies with Gene Kelly, Fred, Sammy, Shirley and all the rest. I also loved Elvis presely movies and comedies with Dean Martin and Jerry lewis, Danny Kay films etc
    Role models I dont know. Perhaps from these films I just got the erge to entertain. I dont ever remember wanting to be like someone, I remember learning I had to do it on my own, be my own person and thats kinda what I set about doing.

  4. Sherrlyn says:

    Congratulations on the lifestyle show. Wish we could pick it up here in the US.
    Doesn’t the “Audition” scenario sound like it was taken right out of Strictly. Too Weird. Good practice for you, but your right, we do tend to jump thru hoops for what we feel is the right thing for us and it is pretty rotten to find out later that is was never in the cards from the beginning. Better things await.

  5. Mildred Levine says:

    Dear Paul,
    Even though you may have been inspired by the
    dancers of my generation like Kelly and Astaire,
    do you realize how people, young and old,
    have been inspired by you?
    Go to and read about those
    people that saw your performance in “Strictly
    Ballroom” and were inspired to take dancing lessons which literally changed their lives.
    I am a retired teacher who left the profession
    about the time that “Strictly Ballroom” was released. If I had remained in the classroom,
    that marvelous film would have become part of my
    lesson plans because of its message of hope,
    determination, beating the odds, and yes, sweet
    love..(now, that’s the most powerful message of
    The proverb, “vivir en miedo es como vivir medias”
    would have been a poster on my classroom wall…how meaningful it remains today, in the uncertain times in which we live. (I would have left it in Spanish, and had the kids translate it.)
    All of your fans, young and old, love you, not
    only because of your ability as an actor and dancer, but because of your humanity, your
    compassion, and determination!
    I wish you and your lovely family good health,
    happiness, and good fortune with your future
    Mildred Levine

  6. Kay Lynne says:

    Just a quick response to your response. I thought I was the only one who loved Danny Kaye! My family always believed me to be crazy.
    I too watched the old musicals and always wished I could move like Vera Ellen. And Mr. Kelly–so incredibly athletic, yet graceful at the same time. It would take my breath away.
    I took dance lessons from ages 3 to 17. Watching “Ballroom” when it came out made me want to get back in the studio and have an old dog to be taught new tricks (so to speak).
    See, you influenced me, as well.

  7. Cathy says:

    I think we all have experienced interviewing or audition for a position that has been predetermined. It’s very frustrating to me when this happens. But what really frustrates and angers me is when a person is selected who is less experienced because they come cheaper. This is all too common in the business world. I don’t know if it is true in show business. But to make a decision primarily based on what it will cost, to me indicates that experience and depth of knowledge is of little importance. They just want to save a few bucks. Oh well. Such is life.

  8. Sara says:

    Dear Paul,
    I am so happy for you. How long will it take to film your lifestyle show and will it be shown in the U.S.? I thank you for your comment under the title TO SORE TO BE ANGRY. I hope your kids are doing ok. Well, I post something in the guestbook in a few days.
    Your fan,

  9. Ruby says:

    Congradulations first off on your TV show. It sounds like you are really looking forward to it and that is great. After reading all about what you had to go through with that other television project I think you are a brave person to put your heart and soul on the line with the audition process and stepping up regardless of being in a position to be rejected. That takes a lot of guts and confidence in who you are and I admire that. It sounds like dance is something you can loose yourself in or maybe find yourself in depending on what day it is. It’s healthy and positive and can only improve your mind and your body. How fortunate you are to have not only the talent but also the desire and appreciation for what dance means to your life. I am wondering if your children have any interest in dance, if you teach them, even casually and if you and your wife take the time to dance with each other even if it’s in the kitchen after the children have gone to bed. Also my four year old daughter wants to take dancing lessons and I am wondering if you have any advice on what kind of dance would best suit a four year old’s attention span and energy level. Depending on the school ballet, which she wants to take, can be rigid and formal and I want her to have some freedom to express herself and love dance. If you have any suggestions that would be great. Thanks Paul and congradulations again on your new project, truly. I only wish I could see your show here in Connecticut. Take care.

  10. Megan says:

    Hi, I’m new here, but have long been a great admirer of your work- particularly in Joseph, which then expanded into SB and others. You are extremely talented, and you’ve also inspired my lazy muscles to get back in the studio and start studying again– no small feat– so thanks!
    As for your last post….hmmm… I sympathize. I’m an acting student at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in NYC…I’ve been there in audition situations and it really sucks. Things can be pretty pissy, especially when auditioners predetermine their selections, as Cathy pointed out. Hate to be cliched and say something like “hang in there” or “their loss”… but it really is. Especially if you had a great audition as it sounds like you did– they’re losing out far more by not allowing possibly better talent which walks through the door a fair opportunity– also it seems to be a waste of their time and money to bring in auditioners whom they have no intentions of hiring, and I’d imagine would not make too many friends in the process? Seems like they’re just selling themselves short, so to hell with them and their 50 year-olds!
    On a lighter note, continued congrats on your TV show– that’s great! Will it be shown in the US? Keep us posted. I’ll be sending lots of good Karma your way! 🙂

  11. Kelli says:

    Great to hear you “up” again and not letting the choices of others get you down. I admire your courage (and all the rest of the actors/dancers here!) to pour all you are into an audition, not knowing if the part will be yours in the end. To go at it again and again, never holding back for the one chance that pays off. That’s huge. I can only imagine the emotion that must flow from such news as you’ve just had regarding the recent audition. But, when something like that happens, it is wonderful to know that you have your family to “fill your cup” as it were – a safe haven that you can be you, hurt or empty, where they all love you for who you are and not for any other reason. You are your girls’ inspiration and the most important man in their lives! What joy that brings. The most important role you’ll ever play!
    I, too, have a four-year-old daughter that would love to be in dance. She was with me when I was watching SB once and she said, “Wow, Mommy. I would love to dance like that!” I think it may have had something to do with the sparkly costumes, but who knows where a career could begin? So, I am awaiting your advice to Ruby on beginning dance classes.
    Best wishes on the lifestyle show. It sounds great and I just wish we could get it here in the US!

  12. jozielee says:

    Heartfelt congratulations on the success of your lifestyles show, Paul. May it run many years and open wonderful new opportunities for career growth.
    And may I second Ruby’s question: do you dance with your wife when the girls are snuggly tucked into bed? She’s been a great support through your high and low points. It’s nice to imagine the two of you dancing cheek-to-cheek as moonlight streams through the kitchen window.
    Take care. And keep us posted. It’s a hoot coming here to read and share.

  13. Sarah says:

    Ooh, Ooh, I love talking about role models and old movies….yea! I don’t know when I fell in love with old movies (around the age of 11 or so…I think). Fred Astaire, by no means a Paul Mercurio in the looks department, could move in ways that are so innocently sensual…I mean, watch his shoulders when he dances, you would think the man is on rollers of some sort. He is seamless and fluid! I am aware that this is the Paul Mercurio page but I figured some homage to Astaire would not be amiss.
    Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that I caught a bit of Joseph the other day…the scene in the bath made me blush…felt as though I were peeping in on something I shouldn’t. Perhaps I should hold off on renting Exit to Eden, Anne Rice is likely to have written something that would make me faint (with her torrid romance novel career and all). Gonna have to cancel the order of the 1st Nine and Half Weeks on VHS as well (just kidding).
    About the audition….I know how that feels as well…I once went in and auditioned for a part in Red Scare on Sunset. I lost the role to the director’s babysitter (this was, of course, only college theatre). Oh, politics! I too lament that we here in the grand ole US won’t get to see the TV show…let us know if we can catch it somehow!
    I’m off like a prom dress! Need to get some sleep.
    (actress roll models: Both of the Hepburns….I can’t pick just one).

  14. Paul says:

    By all means get all the films – you will spend the better part of a weekend blushing!!!!LOL

  15. Kay Lynne says:

    Paul, I saw Exit to Eden then read the novel. Twice. I insert your face into the novel’s character and then I really blush.
    So how’s it feel to be such a sex symbol? LOL!!!

  16. Dhiana says:

    Ok, all you sex-freaks out there…I have two things to say:
    1) If you’ve got it, flaunt it. (And Paul, darlin’…do you HAVE it! 😉 Flaunting/showing is part of owning your own power. (once again, isn’t Paul a VERY, POWERFUL actor, class???) ;-o
    2) “All Acts of Love and Pleasure are my rituals…” If something is pleasing to the eye, I for one, certainly enjoy enjoying it!
    (Cat, we’re not objectifying here, just showing our appreciation for one of the finer things in life…a beautiful soul in a beautiful package.)
    *I blushed too, at 9 1/2 Weeks…but just couldn’t bring myself to fast forward ANY of it.
    Hoping I don’t get banned for pointing out the obvious…

  17. Sarah says:

    Paul and all,
    Ya know….I am not a Ninny, normally….I can usually handle some suggestive stuff on film…Over a couple beers I can dish the dish with the girls…Once I shamelessly went into a strip club with one of my last employers to prove that I can “Hang with the boys” (being a woman in a profession dominated by men requires tolerance for the innately ribald)…I just can’t explain the blushing at Joseph thing…wierd…
    Dhiana is right….if ya got it, flaunt it. Everyone who visits this site knows of your talent…so a little good natured ribbing about sex-appeal is fun now and then. 😉 not to mention, flattering as long as its not objectifying. (let me know if I come close to objectification…you know, like starting my posts with “Hey there, hot pants…”)
    Off to Blockbuster to toughen up..
    Until then, I remain the shrewish princess,
    P.S. Paul, speaking of beers…what are your favorites? Also, to add to the list of fan reccomended beers…I submit Yuengling…comes from America’s oldest brewery and is brewed about an hour away from me…not a wide distribution base but if you are ever in eastern US you might be able to find it. (not too terribly complex in taste but decent and inexpensive)…

  18. Megan says:

    Touche to the blushing! I rented Exit to Eden a few nights back intending to watch it when I got off of work– but ended up going out instead. When I got home at 1, I put the movie in and started watching. I was really into the story (especially since I loved the book) when my sexaholic roomate stumbles home drunk and wanders in to tell me about his night– convieniently I am lying in bed in pajamas with the lights off, it’s two in the morning…I’m alone in the apartment and it’s right in the middle of the spanking scene. Needless to say, my condescending “Oh COME ON! It’s based on an Anne Rice novel!” Didn’t save me, and I’ve been taking a bit of ribbing for it all week :). However,I really enjoyed the movie, and think it “tastefully” (considering the content of the book) did Anne Rice Justice… Now I just need to get a lock on my door so I can rent the others… 🙂

  19. Sherrlyn says:

    This came to me by way of my e-mail and just had to send it on to you. It seems to be the way we all feel about your talent. Also the way you feel about your family and specially the way it makes me feel about my family.
    “They say …. It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciated them, a day to love them, but a lifetime to forget them.”
    Your work so far has been unforgetable, can’t wait to see what is next.
    LOL 😉

  20. Kay Lynne says:

    Sarah, where are you? If you’re only an hour away from the Yuengling Brewery? I’m in Allentown! Obviously, no one has ever heard of Allentown (unless they’re a Billy Joel fan), let alone where it is. Yuenglig is a staple in most bars and restaurants in the area. Guess we could get together and send Paul a case?

  21. Paul says:

    Sarah, I understand the blushing at the Joseph scene – where Potiphar’s wife tries to seduce Joseph in the bath. It is in fact a powerful scene, with a little tense erotic sensualism mixed in!!
    My only answer to any sex symbol type attributes coming my way is that most of my films out there are 5 to 11 years old! Bohoo I cry!! I am older, wider oops I mean wiser and have less hair BUT am still cuddly. Why Why Why is youth wasted on the young? May be one day we will have a chat about dealing with losing our youth – but for now let me say you only lose it from your body (but think what you gain) the mind can always stay young. Again, as always, it is our choice!
    I’ll be doing an internet search on Yuengling Brewery.

  22. Sarah says:

    Kay Lynne,
    And they’ve taken all the coal from the ground….I am in the hot bed little town of Birdsboro (about 20 min.s outside of Reading)….French Creek State Park to be exact…I have been to the brewery and have been a fan of the beer for a number of years…I actually saw D.G. Yuengling when I was taking the tour…he stopped by and said hello to our group…my Dad and I plan to visit again…would love to have a pitch in for old man Paul…he is really wasting away in his late 30s…
    Paul…you reiterate the saying that youth is wasted on the young….such a cynic….I am not sure I ever really had “youth” …I have always been sort of an old soul…but am continually immaturing…Oh, and the argument that a youthful body is helpful when it comes to sex-appeal…its bunk. To me, sex appeal is intelligence, always has been. (a sense of humor is also key)…these things come with age….and go hand in hand. Truthfully, perfection of face and body are usually turn-offs for me…I have seen plenty. A find is someone who is smart enough to know what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, and is kind enough to let you do either when you need to. This person is gonna be inherently beautiful…and sexy as heck (gotta watch the foul language…don’t wanna be banned). I forgot to mention one thing nearly everyone finds sexy in their ideal partner…talent and passion…these things need not go hand in hand…
    so you see? We have come full circle from discussions of your talent, your objectification, back to your talent…oh, the cycles of life…
    Kay Lynne, drop me an e-mail and we’ll discuss the lager proposition.
    P.S. I have a new question…the section on this site for works created by Paul fans…does the subject have to be Paul or can it be something he might enjoy?..this question is for anyone with the answer…Paul..Cat…etc.

  23. Sherrlyn says:

    I was able to rent Back of Beyond, Exit to Eden, First 9 1/2 Weeks and Welcome to Whoop to Whoop. Why hasn’t Dark Planet been released to video? I would like very much to buy it to go with my collection. What is your impression of Adam Garcia, fellow actor and dancer from Australia?
    I have a comment regarding the sex symbol status you seem to have attained with your movies to date. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own skin and you obviously are.
    LOL 🙂

  24. Sherrlyn says:

    I was able to rent Back of Beyond, Exit to Eden, First 9 1/2 Weeks and Welcome to Whoop to Whoop. Why hasn’t Dark Planet been released to video? I would like very much to buy it to go with my collection. What is your impression of Adam Garcia, fellow actor and dancer from Australia?
    I have a comment regarding the sex symbol status you seem to have attained with your movies to date. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own skin and you obviously are.
    LOL 🙂

  25. Kelli says:

    A comment on losing your youth: I agree that it’s only the body that shows our age, if we so choose. We are the same age, you and I, and I’m just now starting to explore some things that I never had the energy, inclination or desire to in the past…not to mention the time with three little ones! 🙂 But, we go through seasons, I believe. In my mind I am still 25, although I wouldn’t relive that part of my life again for anything, I refuse to give my body the upper hand…so to speak. I think the word “choice” is significant. I choose to ride on the cart at the local warehouse store while my friends push (you should have seen the looks!). I choose to go on the rides at the Mall of America with my children, squealing like a little girl!
    I think fear has a bit to do with our worry over losing our youth. But what’s to fear? Why worry? “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Think of the benefits of growing older. Grandchildren. Wisdom (hopefully) to impart on those younger than ourselves. A contribution to those around us, not a burden. Even years cannot change some of these things. To look at your spouse after 50 years and still see something new. If we put our faith in our looks, we will all be disappointed. Our waists will expand (as will our feet, I’m finding!), our hair will fall out or turn gray, but there is much distinction in age, methinks, contrary to what our culture tries to sell.
    For me, the future holds much more promise than the past, for we cannot change what is already done. We can, however, learn from that and head forward with great expectations to whatever lies ahead for us.
    Ok, so it’s 2:30 in the morning…a little philosophical for so early…better head back to bed. Yawn.

  26. Kay Lynne says:

    Know what? I’m going to be 43 in the middle of August. I’ve had so many friends lament about how they would love to be able to go back to being 21 again, or 25 again. I personally am quite happy at being 43 and there’s no way in hell you’d be able to drag me back to being 21! I find I have evolved into a very competent, confident and attractive person. (As compared to when I was 21 and had no clue as to what end was actually up.) I’m very comfortable with myself. Sure, I’m a little slower, the bones creak a little more, etc. But who cares? I agree, age is in the mind. You believe you’re old, well…
    Paul, you’ll always be cuddly to us. (No matter how much hair loss you have–lol)
    We should all revel in who we’ve become, not who we once were.

  27. Megan says:

    A brief (or..not so brief) comment on aging, sex appeal, and all of that:
    There’s a quote from a Jewel song:
    “They wear their youth like badges that tarnish with age”.
    Who says youth is physical? To me, youth is a mind set. I have friends and coworkers who at 20 take life more seriously than some of my parent’s friends at 50 + (which is why I usually have more fun, laugh harder,and enjoy myself more with my parents and their friends). I can’t speak too knowledgably, since I really haven’t lived all that long, but from my perception, the older we get, the more we learn to take things less seriously; the more we learn to embrace each passing day and recognize just how brief and precious our time here is. At 20 we haven’t got enough perspective to recognize these things: it’s all push push push ahead to establish a family, career, home, credit balance, etc. For most of us, though, we will pause for a moment one day, look around, and realise that all the time we were forging ahead we were missing what really makes life great: stopping to admire a sunset, or smelling flowers, or just smiling at people on the subway (regardless of whether or not they smile back)–corny and cliched, I know, but true! Many people use the phrase “harden with age” and while this can be true in some cases, I generally tend to think of it the other way around: the older we get, the more open, alive, and free we become (at least we hope).
    Secondly, who says that sexiness is firm muscles and perfect hair? There’s something much more sexy in just being comfortable in your skin; confident in who you are above and beyond the physical–and also, I would argue that physical beauty does not fade, but enhances. Which is why I will embrace every wrinkle I get- I will relish in my first grey hair, and rejoice when it turns white… I see older women in the supermarket or on the street, with stark white hair and wrinkles, and they are beautiful to me: I can’t wait to get there- they seem so warm, and wise, and happier than many of the “picture perfect” people I know closer to my own age. Our body changes as a reflection of the lessons we’ve learned with time, and the experiences we’ve had. The key is to try to see in your physical self the passion and beauty that you feel inside:
    That’s sexy.
    Sorry for the very “Chicken Soup for the Soul” sounding post… Trying to be more positive and less of a cynic. And with that, I’d better go- I’ve spent most of my lunch break on this, and it’s time to get back to work… Best wishes, all.

  28. Cathy says:

    I agree that age is a mindset. I’m often shocked to realize that I am 46 years old. When I was young of age, say in my mid twenties, I thought the forties were not necessarily old, but definately getting up there. Now that I have attained that age I feel pretty good about it. Sure, the legs ache more running up the stairs, and I suffer from some arthritis, but I don’t think of myself as old and certainly hope I do not act it. However, one thing I’ve realized this year….I’ve attained the age where people I know, who are my age, can die suddenly. I lost a friend suddenly to a heart attack. Now that was a reall eye opener. But it has made me realize that enjoying life is that much more important. Spending time with my kids, doing fun stuff, is more important than making sure the house is clean. In other words, I don’t sweat the small stuff as much as I use to. And when my teenagers act like jerks, I try very hard to keep my sense of humor. So I’m getting older and definately wiser.

  29. Dhiana says:

    I didn’t really think about age too much until I started attending my friends’ 50th Birthday parties…whoa! Wait a minute…you’re FIFTY? Get out~that must mean that *I* am advancing too!
    The only time I ever really feel like a grown-up is when I am paying bills or retorting to my four year old with, “Because *I* am the adult, that’s why!”
    I will always see myself as my parent’s child. Always.
    PS. All that beer talk just made me book Happy Hour with two girl friends and it;s only 11am here right now…see? I haven’t grown up!

  30. Kelli says:

    Glad to hear it, Dhiana!

  31. Hi Paul,
    Congrats on the extension of the shows – that’s always fabulous news.
    (Sorry I’m late for the congrats, but I’m out in no man’s land on training for two weeks, with very limited access to a pc!)
    It’s unfortunate about having to go through auditions only to find out that they had already had someone selected – but that is not only limited to your profession – unfortunately many professions use the same underhanded ploys.
    Employers have to make it look like they’re giving equal opportunity to everyone – but we know better don’t we??!!
    Before I got my present job a few weeks ago, I had applied for two positions within my company.
    For the first position, it was a “newly created position” – it should have been called a “we’ve already selected the people and you’re wasting your time – position” but they still made us go through the formal interview process, having to go through an hour of trying to sell your soul for a better job!
    Oh well, I really wanted the second one, so it all works out in the long run!
    As for ever doubting your abilities, never do that Paul – you have immense talent, as shown by the fan following you have (well, shown in many other ways also, but that was one example!)
    As hard as people will try to knock you down, don’t let them – I know how easy it is to lose faith in oneself, but if you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect others to believe in you?! Always stay strong – hold your head up high no matter what.
    Carol xoxo

  32. Cat says:

    Hi all!
    Guess I need to keep up better with these threads. 😉
    Sarah: I say all goes for the fan section. We can just explain a little if it isn’t about Paul.
    Sherrlyn: Dark Planet was released, it’s just out of print. Copies come up all the time on eBay, so it’s readily available.
    Paul: Hi! 😀
    PS: If anyone is going to be in Vegas in August, you are invited to my wedding!

  33. Diane says:

    Congratulations on your engagement, Cat! I’ll probably be putting the finishing touches on my youngest son’s Bar Mitzvah in August, but I offer my best wishes to you and your betrothed.
    Congratulations, Paul, on your lifestyle show pick up. I hope it does well and that more work follows. So sorry those people jerked you around on that audition. Just think of what it would have been like to work for them.
    As for sex appeal, I agree that it is so much more than a good body. The passion, determination, intelligence, depth, playfulness, vulnerability and abandon that Paul displayed in the films mentioned in this thread are all tremendously appealing qualities that illuminate the soul that animates that graceful and cuddly body. So not to worry, Paul. You seem to be keeping yourself in good shape and in balance. I have no doubt you will be forever young.
    Yesterday I saw a great quote on a banner over a toy store: “We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.”
    My husband just turned 47 in May. I’ll be 48 in August. I’ve never been happier in my life. My husband is cuddlier than he was when we met and I’m much more adventuresome. (Middle age hormones can be wonderful!) And as I witness the untimely passing of friends and relatives, I am ever more grateful just to wake up each morning. The worst part of growing older right now is the realization that my sons, the babies I held and rocked and sang to and danced with, will be out on their own in just a few short years. My oldest just graduated from junior high school. Now he’s shaving. Next year he’ll be driving. Arghhh, I’m getting more gray hairs just thinking about it.
    Finally, a fun bit of trivia… According to the tour guide at Universal, capturing rain in black and white was impossible. So when they shot the famous dance scene in Singing in the Rain, they had to mix in milk with the water to make it visible. That was a long and stinky day for Gene Kelly.

  34. Sherrlyn says:

    Yes I know it is 3:00 in the morning and a full blown West Texas Thunderstorm just rolled in. I’ve been tracking it on radar for the past 4 hours and it has finally arrived. Love a good storm. I want to thank Cat for reminding me of e-bay. Talk about a kid in a candy store, I was able to find new, still in the wrapper (I hope) copies of Back of Beyond, Dark Planet, and Joseph.
    Yes I bought all three.( I bid on Exit to Eden on e-bay but I can also get it new, still in the wrapper thru if the bid doesn’t carry. I am so excited. Can hardly wait for them to show up. That will be one interesting week-end line-up. also has Sydney-Story of a City at a pretty reasonable price.
    I must contain my excitement and get to bed, I have plans of going into work tomorrow by 7a.m.
    Nite-Nite all.

  35. Sarah says:

    Congrats, Cat!….Woo hoo!
    Its VEGAS, BABY, and the odds are in your favor!
    Have a great time,

  36. Sarah says:

    Congrats, Cat!
    Have a great time,

  37. Orlando, Florida, USA says:

    Fun reading you’ve all provided in the latest discussion strings! Deep thoughts on love, hate, fear, challenge. Thank you all. Oh, and how terrific of you to respond, Paul.
    Congratulations on the Lifestyles show! We’re all rooting for you.
    Congratulations to you Cat, on your wedding! Have a beautiful time. You’ll love marriage. I highly recommend it.
    So, Paul, are you or your mates following the World Cup at all, down in Oz? Just curious.
    My two cents on age (just celebrated 28th birthday myself): you men have it made! Men age like a fine wine (case in point: Sean Connery). And women… well, women just age. None of this fine wine business.
    But it’s amazing to stop and think about this — that our bodies are just a shell; an outside coating. No matter what we look like, the true person we are (our souls, our minds, our qualities) is on the inside. I may be 28 and smashing today, and I’ll enjoy it while I am. But I’m certainly not about to mourn the wrinkles that will set in, and the way my body will change. For at 55 years old, less smashing though I may be, I’ll still be me. The outside shell is just superficial — like the clothes I wear and the car I drive. I should take care of it so that it will function right (health-wise), and be happy with the rest. Fat or thin, short or tall, beautiful or homely — none of these things matter.
    All the best to everyone — love, happiness, health, and peace —
    Orlando, FL, USA

  38. Orlando, Florida, USA says:

    Oh, one more thing, re: role models.
    James Dean.
    Audrey Hepburn.
    Ever seen any of their films?
    If so, good on you! Terrific films. Phenomenal acting.

  39. Megan says:

    All right… With my time clock (which believe me, is QUITE off) I think it is sometime Sunday evening in Oz? I’m not sure whether or not you celebrate Father’s Day in Australia (My boyfriend, who is from India, assures me that it is mainly an US thing…) But if so, or even if not, Happy Father’s Day, Paul! Hope you got to spend many lovely hours with your girls today. I thought I’d share a few thoughts with you from a book that I got for my father, called “Why a Daughter Needs A Dad”. I thought it was pretty cute, and I’m sure that you, too, can relate to many of these:
    A Daughter Needs a dad:
    -Who will make sacrifices so she will not have to sacrifice
    -To show her how it feels to be loved unselfishly
    -Who will let her know that while she may not be the center of someone else’s world, she is the center of his
    -To carry her just because she wants to be carried
    -So she will know what it is like to be somebody’s favorite
    -Who does not mind when she steps on his shoes while dancing
    -To teach her that true love is unconditional
    -To tell her truthfully that she is the most beautiful of all
    -Because without him she will have less in her life than she deserves
    Again, Happy Father’s Day. Good night, everyone.
    p.s. Off the topic, but Diane: Did I read earlier that you are a Reform Jew? I am seriously considering converting to Judaism, so if you could share any of your thoughts with me, I’d really appreciate it! Thanks!

  40. Cammie says:

    I have tried numerous times to come up with comments worthy of Paul and this site. Each of you, including Paul, seems to be able to reach farther into their souls to express themselves to everyone here – I admire that. I don’t find myself to be a deeply spiritual person; however, I am a very passionate, and have very true convictions — sometimes that makes me a very hard person to deal with (according to my husband. LOL I must first comment to Paul…what a superb actor and dancer you are. While I never trained professionally, I took dance from the age of 4 to 18—mostly jazz, tap, ballet and modern. So I know from whence I speak when I say, Paul, that you are truly gifted. I first became aware of your dancing and acting abilities by watching “Strictly”…my husband rented the video several years ago and thought I would like it. At first, when I heard the name I cringed…but after watching only a few minutes, and was able to experience your passion onscreen, I became mesmerized. My husband laughs at me (since there are no “sexual” scenes) when I tell him that it is the most passionate, steamy and elicit movie I have ever seen – it’s the passion, heat & dimension created on screen by Paul. Absolutely tremendous, exotic and stimulating. Never doubt your ability irregardless of those who unfortuntely run the industry. I don’t know you personally, Paul, but if you have only half the passion in real life that you put forth in your movies, I can’t even imagine.
    Enough doting…LOL. Just to express what I see others Americans suggesting, we would love to be able to view your tv show here in the States.
    On a personal level, THANK YOU, Paul, for your selflessness giving to your fans…we here on this site. It endears you to us even more…an actual actor/dancer (or dancer/actor) who feels so passionately about his work yet knows that he also needs his fans, and is willing to go out on the edge to meet them.

  41. Dhiana says:

    Megan, the quotes were beautiful!
    Incidentally, Saturday was my son’s first dance recital (omg…I’ve never cried and laughed so hard at the same time in my life!) But what touched me most was this: His little friend, Molly (age 4) was on stage with seven other little 4 yr olds, and their number was “Daddy Be My Horsey”…well, half way through, don’t the fathers of the little gems come out on stage with white cowboy hats and jeans, get down on the floor, and let the little girls “ride” them for part of the routine! I took the video camera from Molly’s mom (which she was attempting to use, and sob, at the same time)and even *I* had a problem finishing the tapeing of it, due to my tears!
    To have someone care THAT deeply, to totally shun what the “rest of the world” thinks of their “manliness” (down on all fours on stage to such a SILLY song…), is a total act of Love.
    PS. Congrad’s Cat & Beau!!! REMEMBER: “Communication is not what you said or thought you said, it’s what they HEARD, or thought you MEANT.”

  42. Lesley says:

    Age, sex, beauty, wisdom. I’m with the rest of you – youth is not sexy as such. Not in real life anyway (as opposed to fantasy life, which doesn’t count). Character, confidence, conversation are all alluring attractive sexy qualities in a person, but youth on its own? P-lease! Mind you, I’m talking from the female perspective. With some men, youth and sex-appeal seem to go hand in hand. (Why do they do it?? What is the long term appeal? Don’t they CARE about the quality of conversation?? )
    However I tell you where youth has an enviable edge. EVERYTHING WORKS! That’s the big problem with the human condition – we just wear out.
    Wrinkles I can live with, grey hair as well and even the odd child-bearing scar. But when did I get so creaky and why? I’m only 38. I can remember when I didn’t have to spend more time warming up and warming down than actually doing what I was trying to do. When I would ask my body to try something new and, hey look it just did it. And then the next day – it’d do it again! And I didn’t spend time wondering which lump was cancer, and which forgotten thought was the onset of senility, and whether I was going to be around to watch my children grow up.
    So please, please, please don’t make me twenty again – but if I could just have my twenty year old body back, I promise to look after it better next time…….?
    LOL and take care
    P.S Not to be a sporting bore but is ANYONE out there watching the World Cup? Go, England Go!

  43. Margie says:

    Hi Paul, and all,
    I’ve enjoyed reading reading all the post these past couple of weeks and decided to write one myself. Paul, youthfullness and pysical beauty are only tiny parts of being sexy. I find the most attractive thing about another man (I’m married) is his commitedness (is that a word?) to his family. ala Mel Gibson, Ewan Mcgregor and of cource, you. I must say that you are very blessed to have such a lovely wife and three beautiful dauhters. I have four kids. Two girl, 111/2 and almost 7 and twin boys, they will be two next month. Quite the adventure.
    My neighbor just borrowed Strictly Ballroom. It seems to have had a resurgence in popularity. I hope you get some kind of residual. Probably not though. She wants to loan it to her ballet teacher. She just LOVED the movie. She was telling me in great detail how she new by your steps that you were a real dancer.
    Anyway, I have never mailed a fan letter in my life. Written plenty, but never had the courage to send one. Now at 37 I’m going to.
    Good luck with you show. I sure wish we could get it in the states too. I’m in California. My husband was in Australia in 2000. He took the climb over the main bridge. Forgive me, I’ve forgotten the name. He had a wonderful time. Thought Australia was just the most interesing place. Didn’t bring me a roo skin though. Bummer
    I recieved on for a wedding gift from a friend, almost 15 yrs ago now.
    Anyway, more later. I really appreciate how you are so regular with your comments. It really feels good knowing that you read these and really are a person. Sound ridiculous I know. We always think of movie stars as somehow not, real, that is. best of luck to you..

  44. Diane says:

    Gee, I rented Dark Planet last year and thought it was readily available for purchase. I bought Strictly recently, but never imagined it might be difficult to get some of the others. I’d better get busy and order them. And, Paul, I too would like to see your lifestyle show. Surely there are enough cable channels on the planet.
    Megan, you can find out more about Reform Judaism on the Union of American Hebrew Congregation’s website ( The site contains an informative and instructive Q & A. I’m sure that in NYC you’ll be able to visit several reform congregations to find one that might be a good fit.
    I must confess (a remnant of my Catholic upbringing) that I have not formally converted to Reform Judaism. A rabbi officiated at my wedding, my children are being educated in Judaism, and I am an active member of our congregation, and yet I’ve been hesitant to convert to Judaism because it requires a serious commitment of time and energy (neither of which have been in great supply). I’ve also been reluctant because, for many years, I’ve considered myself a seeker

  45. Megan says:

    Thank you very much for the website and for sharing your thoughts with me. I’ve bookmarked for further use and reference. It was most helpful!
    I agree, once I make my final move to NYC I will have many opportunities to explore the Jewish community and faith… I realise now that I was not explicitly clear before- I was accepted to school in NYC, have family there, and have made several trips for auditions, lining up an apartment, meeting professors, and the like, as well as just to visit my family. I’m a sophomore at a different college now, and transferring there permanantly in the fall. As soon as I am all settled in, the first places I will seek out will be a temple and a dance studio! 🙂 This summer, however, I’m living in a small town of only 30,000 in the heart of North Dakota- where I used to attend college, (as a BFA Theatre performance major- don’t ask what compelled me to go there…I haven’t a clue…) and about an hour and a half’s drive from my family. There’s only one temple to speak of in this town (and truth be told, only two in the state!) and only 40 respective members- not even an officiating Rabbi or set worship schedule. So perhaps you can see my frustration at trying to expand my spiritual horizions!
    I’ve been reading as much as possible and speaking with the few jewish friends that I have, but certainly I have much more exploring to do.
    It is interesting that you mention your son’s interest in Buddhism- although I do not consider myself a Buddhist, I meditate daily, and have long studied Buddhist scriptures and traditions. How exciting of your son to be exploring so many things, and to have such an open mind!
    I greatly appreciate your definition of a spiritual seeker- I can definately relate!

  46. Anonymous says:

    You know all you people are really amazing. everyone who comments and Paul who shares.
    I come onto this site a lot but I don’t post comments very often. Lately though I am finding this site a bit of a lifeline. I suffer badly from depression and am having a really bad dip at the moment. I can totally appreiciate Paul’s brothers motives for doing what he did and I just wanted to put up a comment to say I think you are all incredible people not only for sharing your most inner most thoughts but for supporting people you have never met and are even less likely to, and Paul, I’m so amazed. I work in theatre in Scotland where I live and there are some pretty big egos around so to find an actor that’s willing to open his life and thoughts up like you do – phenomenal.

  47. Mary Ellen says:

    Happy Father’s day a couple of days late! My husband and I never cease marveling over the wonder of parenthood and the overwhelming responsibility! I have a question-for ballroom dancing, does one’s partner need to be the same height or weight? I’m at the “tubby” stage right now but I’m a good dancer. My husband said we could take lessons! I also act in the local theatre group so it would help there.

  48. Diane says:

    Hi, June! I agree with you. Paul’s candour

  49. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for your comments but if the truth really is that we are our thoughts then I really do have no hope. I continuously find the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual such a battle. In a sense, although I am aware this is perverse, I come on this site to remind myself how inadequate I am. I don’t reach into my soul as you people. I am too afraid that what I may find would confirm all my fears that I have scarred my soul and ruined any chance of redemption. The only thing that keeps me on this planet is true fear of what I may find on the other side. I have spoken to spiritualists who have assured me that any suffering we have here continues on the other side. Nothing is resolved no matter how one chooses to go and so I stand in a no mans land no knowing if this eternal suffering will give way for another kind of eternal suffering. What a coward I am.
    I am always amazed by people but have been truely staggered that Paul could open his feelings up the way he does and fight the daily fight and deal with his anger – it truely is inspirational.
    Thanks again Diane. Your shared thoughts have meant a lot to me.

  50. Sarah says:

    I don’t know where to start…perhaps I should start by saying that today I called and made an appointment with my doctor to obtain some sort of anti-depressant. I feel empowered and sometimes resigned when I recognize that I am in a nice little funk. Empowered because I am brave enough to acknowledge it and resigned because I feel weak. Everyone hits hard times and some are hit harder than others by those hard times. Unfortunately, there isn’t a catch all perscription for depression…some feel temporarily better after talking to people…after a good cry..or a nice nap. One thing is certain; depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance and a lot more people suffer from it than are willing to admit. Nothing aggrivates me more than people who stigmatize those who get help. Once someone jokingly told me (because I had made a silly joke I found REALLY funny…probably involved a bad pun…) that I should get Prozac. Truth be told..I was taking prozac and it was part of the reason I could find humor in things again…
    The point of my ramblings is: now that you know you are not feeling well, GO TO A DOCTOR. They can help, I promise you. If it’s money you are worried about buy some St. John’s Wort…and call a help line. So many of us have been to low places…you are not alone. My posts usually have a signature, “boring personal anecdote which relates only tangentially to the topic at hand.” Here’s today’s: This last semester of school I lost three people who were close to me. My roommates were concerned about me and I reassured them that I couldn’t do anything rash because my bedroom wasn’t clean. I couldn’t bear to think of my anyone having to go and collect my things. I kept my bedroom a mess…clothes on floor, cans of diet coke strewn about, until I moved out. I was scared to clean it…I didn’t want to face those thoughts seriously. The day comes when you fess up to being depressed…it takes a little while longer to DO something about it. Today was my day…maybe it should be yours.
    I know my posts are intensely personal sometimes. For that I both apologize to and withhold apologies from all…
    June, you feel as though you do not reach into your soul as we all do…merely admitting that you feel that way suggests that you are capable of doing so to a depth that is foreign to most people!
    So, if you can, grab a diet soda, empty half of it out, put it on your nightstand, throw some clothes on the floor and pretend that I am there with you…my thoughts are.
    An geall air seirc,
    P.S. apologies for the sloppy translation.

  51. Dhiana says:

    Hola, Dhiana here…
    Ok, first of all, Sarah…”tangentially”? Look at you, throwing big Lawyer words at the peons! 😉 Girlfriend, you EARNED the right to use this word and any other you feel like whipping out, by all your law exams, so go girl! heehee…totally busting your chops there, hon…;-)
    June…listen to Sarah…she’s got her stuff together, and she knows a fine line when she sees one. Use her, she is willing.
    Paul…silly borderline-Stalker question: While driving in to work this am I found myself listening to a radio station I don’t normally listen to–all sappy Elton John, Sade, soft rock stuff, but I was totally digging it today for some reason. What music do you find yourself listening to most often? (CD, group, band, singer, etc) I’m sure you go through phases, but isn’t it like, mid-winter there? Just wondering what you might find yourself relaxing/doing the dishes/attempting to read to. (oh, niiiice sentence structure. I’m going to get my teaching certification revoked if I keep this up. SEE? I did it again. Thank the gods you guys don’t care…RIGHT? 😉

  52. Megan says:

    I agree with Dhiana. . . Listen to Sarah. She’s wise and kind, and here for you- as we all are.
    I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
    Got a quick question for you: I was asked by a couple of my former professors to participate in a filming project of a script they’d been working on. Apparantly they’d seen me perform throughout last season, and thought I’d be good in the role- however my knowledge of and experience in film is pretty limited. . . I’ve only done a couple of commercials and student films. I know you’re supposed to tone down the character size and movement, but keep the intensity, and that eye contact is really important… But what else? We’re filming on Sunday, so if you could give me some pointers, I’d really appreciate it!
    Also, all this has gotten me to thinking: What do you do personally to prepare for a role?– I know it’s sort of an individual ritual… What’s yours? Just curious!
    Thank you!
    p.s. someone needs to do a study on the last five minutes of the work day… I swear they move slower than the rest!!

  53. Sherrlyn says:

    You are too cool. I’ve told my husband for several years that I suffered from depression.
    Crying spells for no apparent reason, lack of interest in getting up every morning, and the house, well, that’s a whole different story. I have always hated housework, and will do most anything to get out of it. Maybe your theory is right. As long as the place is a wreck, we are O.K. My family thinks I’m just lazy. May be that too!
    I do find that putting on up beat music seems to get me moving and things don’t seem so bad. I’ve tried St. Johns Wort. But like the hormones “I” couldn’t tell that they helped me, but I may not have taken them often enough or long enough.
    Well, Must get to the laundry. ( I do it to keep from having to go to work in the “old” birthday suit.)
    LOL 🙂

  54. Sherrlyn says:

    You are good. I’ve been trying to figure out why my house most always looks like one of our famous toronado’s just ripped thru it. Of course my hating housework couldn’t have anything to do with that.
    I’ve told my husband that I thought I suffered from depression. He doesn’t buy it.
    Maybe I didn’t take enough of the St. Johns Wort or didn’t take it long enough, but “I” couldn’t tell that it helped. I may have to try it again and up the dosage and take it longer. I just try to keep the crying jags on hold until he has gone to work. He works 7p to 7a W-S. I work 8a to 5p M-F, so I spend at least 4 nights “home alone”. I have found that putting on upbeat music or a comedy video helps to get me thru the blues.
    Well must go do another load of laundry. (I only do it to keep from having to go to work in the “old” birthday suit.)
    By the way, I’ve got 3 of the movies coming that I ordered. Will have to wait on the other 2. For any of you wanting to pick up any of Paul’s movies, try e-bay or, I found everything but Kick.
    Thanks to all for you insightful thoughts.
    LOL 🙂

  55. Sara says:

    Dear Paul,
    I hope everything is ok with you. By the way, how was Father’s Day? For me, I stayed home and had a quiet dinner with my dad. The reason I stayed home that night is because I was exhausted from my 8-4:30 shift. I look forward to hearing your comments.

  56. Sherrlyn says:

    To Paul and All.
    I apologize for the double send. My computer kept giving me an error message and I didn’t think the post went thru at all. Sorry, I’ll get the hang of this yet.

  57. Sarah says:

    Me too, it did the same thing for me!
    (notice the double congrats message…sorry)

  58. Orlando, FL, USA says:

    Dear all,
    A thought: please remember — whether you suffer from depression or not — none of us are alone in this world. You are NOT alone. What you suffer from is not unusual. It’s a part of the human condition. We all get down. Sometimes it’s chemical and it can be fixed. Sometimes it’s just a valley we have to get through on our way to the next peak.
    We may have nobody left, but yet we are not alone, because we are all connected. I’ll get back to that in a moment.
    Suffice it to say, we must not give in to our brains when they turn against us. That is the time we should NOT LISTEN to our inner voice. We must fight back. Yes, you are worth fighting for! Whether it be fighting back by talking to a doctor, or fighting back by surrounding yourself with people who make you smile… always fight back. Do not quit.
    One of the huge mistakes we human beings make is that when we are totally down in the dumps, that is when we tend to roll our sleeves up, step back and take a look at our lives, and start thinking about how we can fix it, or why we’re so inadequate.
    But guess what.
    That is the WORST time to be rolling up your sleeves and thinking about anything! Why? Because you’re not thinking straight! Your brain is your own worst enemy when you have the blues, so it’s not right to try using it to analyze your life when it’s not functioning at peak performance. In other words, the time to stop and examine your life is NOT when you are down. It is when you are happy, content, pleased with how things are going, proud of yourself, etc, that you should really stop and take an introspective look at yourself. Only then are you thinking clearly and are you able to make intelligent decisions and have rational thoughts. You’d be amazed how much more useful your analyses are when your frame of mind is in the right place.
    Don’t believe your own mind if it’s telling you bad things about yourself.
    Now back to how we’re all connected. It’s so important for you to realize that you are a part of something — a part of a grand design. It’s so important to know that even if you don’t feel like it, you DO belong.
    We all belong.
    How good of you to pour your hearts out here everyone. Although it makes me sad to hear your pain — to think of how suicide crosses people’s minds and how life feels unbearable — it yet heartens me to know that at least you are reaching out. Do not go it alone. Just know that we’re all connected, in this great, big wide world. Yes — there are the bad guys out there. No — life is not fair. But though it be not fair, life is so worth living. Each one of us is important. Each one of us is worthy. Each one of us is valuable. Each one of us is full of love.
    I don’t know if this will help, but at least take these steps for yourself.
    1) Be sure to get rid of the “toxic” people in your circle. If they bring you down, or add to your daily burden of life, walk away. Walk fast. Good people in your life are the ones who help lift the daily burden of life, not the ones who add to it.
    2) If the toxic people happen to be your relatives or parents — that’s terribly sad and your pain must be terrifying. Your burden is much harder to carry. But take heart. If you are facing any sort of abuse whatsoever, have the strength to get as far away as possible from the abusers. Run, don’t walk! And do not seek revenge — not against your parents; not against your lover. Not against anyone. You will be the bigger person. You will become stronger in being the bigger person. And when you become stronger, you will feel better. It’s all about feeling good in life! (Not all the time, just for the better part of the time.) If it’s called for, call the police, report the abuse, and take steps to get on with your life.
    3) If you feel there aren’t any toxic people to get rid of, GOOD! You’re one step ahead of many lost souls in the world. Smile. Know how lucky you are to have good people surrounding you.
    4) If there are few people you feel you can turn to, or you feel very much alone, then begin a search. Do your best to seek out those precious souls who remind you of how good you are, and how much you have to offer to the world. We all have so much to give — and I don’t mean professionally. I’m talking about what we offer to the world just by “being” and just by our everyday actions — by smiling at the young checkout kid in the supermarket, by volunteering on weekends with those less fortunate, by just being there for a friend, by loving people. Find those people who are your “family”. The family I speak of is that family that may not be related by blood, but is certainly a part of you. Have you read Kurt Vonnegut? If so, seek out your “karrass” (non-blood family). Seek them out at work. Seek them out in your hobbies or other activities. Seek them out in cyberspace. Surround yourself with love.
    5) Aim to feel good. Do not feel guilty, and do not feel ashamed. Do not judge yourself. Do speak to someone who is trained to be able to help guide you through this difficult time. Do stop to treat yourself to your favorite food and your favorite music. Do take your medicine, if it’s been prescribed to you. Dance with reckless abandon! Do think about all the things that you still want to do, that are still worth living for. You want to be a parent one day? Hold onto that! You want to travel to Kenya one day? You will yet! You want to become a French teacher one day? C’est fantastique – tu peux le faire! You can do it! You want to meet the right person and fall in love one day? Aaaaah… there’s the big one. And that one is so very worth living for. You are worthwhile. Say that to yourself first thing in the morning when you look in the mirror.
    6) Rent a Paul Mercurio movie. It’ll take your mind off things and you’ll certainly enjoy it. Also, go to the library or the bookstore and get your hands on these books by Richard Bach: 1)Jonathan Livingston Seagull, 2) Illusions: the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. Read them.
    7) Call your mother. (She loves you.)
    Whatever you do, may peace and love be there with you.
    P.S. to Paul — looking forward to hearing your answers to people’s questions (regarding the type of music you like to listen to, and the various ways you prepare yourself for a film). 🙂

  59. Diane says:

    Thanks Orlando and Sarah for the comments on depression. Your advice is very sound.
    I wanted to clarify my earlier post about thoughts. Buckminster Fuller said that 99 percent of who you are is invisible and untouchable. I do believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. We enable our souls to learn and grow or we stifle that growth by the thoughts that shape our human experience.
    That said, it’s difficult to direct our thoughts when our body chemistry is out of balance. So yes, medication can very helpful, and often essential when depression is deep and chronic. Also, changing your diet and including vitamin supplements can be helpful. But depression is not a character flaw; it’s a distress signal, a message that you need attention. It’s hard to let loving people get close to you when you feel inadequate, but that’s exactly when you need them most.
    It’s also important to do nice things for yourself, even simple things like letting the dust sit for one more day when you need a day to rest. It’s amazing how readily we give to others but deny the same kindness for ourselves. We can’t give what we don’t have. Eventually, we run dry.
    I’m with you Sherrilyn. I can’t stand housework either. One day, as I was grousing about folding laundry for the gazillionth time, I decided to let my mind indulge in fantasy. Next thing you know, I was taking off on flights of fancy while shopping at the grocery store, waiting in line at the post office, playing fetch with the dog while vacuuming. By giving myself permission to let my imagination play, I made the work less tedious. My body felt lighter and more flexible. As my step lightened, I started to give myself other freedoms and my appearance and demeanor changed. In turn, some new possibilities began to present themselves. Such a small thing as giving yourself permission can make a big difference. My house is no dirtier than it was before and I’m a nicer person to be around.
    It’s difficult to rid your life of toxic people without holding on to great resentment of them. But holding hatred for others is the same thing as chaining yourself to them.
    Each of us has an important role to play in this life. None of us are dispensible. One of my favorite films is “It’s A Wonderful Life”. I highly recommend it when the blues strike.
    And finally, here’s something to meditate on: “I am connected to the perfect intelligence that supports all form, and therefore I am a part and parcel of it all. I have no limitations and no compartments. I am not going to get it all, I am it all already.”

  60. Sarah says:

    I just wanted to apologize about getting your name wrong…I didn’t even realize that “June” referred to the date.
    I will remember the quote you posted and I think I will adopt the, “I am not going to get it all, I am it all already,” as a personal mantra.
    I saw a bumpersticker today that I have actually seen before…it read, “Drive it like you stole it.” Most bumper stickers don’t get much of a reaction from me but I couldn’t help but chuckle at it. I think it appealed to me on a more basic, non-automotive, level. Drive your life like you stole it…I don’t mean to suggest living life in a completely reckless manner…just that people often fantasize about hopping into someone else’s convertable and taking it for a spin…In my little metaphor take your life for a little spin now and then. Essentially we only have so much time with it (kinda like we’d get caught in someone else’s car…) so why not see what our life can do? Put the pedal to the metal, hug the curves a little more tightly, and laugh at your wind whipped hair.
    Its time for night night,
    P.S. Interesting topic to think about…what are y’all’s favorite bumper stickers…? (this wasn’t really my favorite…but one of them…I will have to ponder over my all-time favorite sticker)

  61. Diane says:

    Sarah, for some goofy reason (let’s blame it on my inability to adjust to blended bifocals), I referred to our friend in Scotland as “June.” Sorry. ‘M’bad!
    Unfortunately, my ability to recall funny bumper stickers is not much better than my vision. But now I’m on the lookout!
    I hope, Paul, that you’ve been busy and that your family is well.

  62. Kelli says:

    Man! Orlando, you should get paid by the hour for that stuff! Yea for you! I think about the times that I feel down and will from now on go back and read your notes. I agree with you that we all need to rid our lives of the “toxic” people in them and, yes, that can be hard and painful, but how freeing! How liberating! And, sometimes, to surround yourself with those that edify and uplift takes time. I think that people tend to treat us exactly how we’ve taught them to. If we don’t expect positive feedback and confirmation from them, they won’t know to give it. But, the good news is that our lives are NOT stagnant. When we choose better for ourselves, we will, I believe, be rewarded with those who treat us better and believe in us.
    I am living proof of this “theory”. I, for the longest time, was a negative, critical person that expected the worst from people. I put that message out there. I have been healing slowly and changing the way I think about myself…getting rid of the baggage: the old tapes inside my head that told me that I wasn’t worth loving, that people couldn’t respect me, that I shouldn’t respect myself. Now, my circle of influence has changed significantly. And, the crazy thing is, that I really didn’t seek these people out. They were put into my path for a reason – to show me that I AM WORTHWHILE.
    So, search yourself for those tapes and stop them when you hear them. Say to yourself, “I refuse to believe that” or “I am a good person with worth”. And say it outloud. The brain takes in more by hearing it than by just thinking it. And this will work. Believe in yourself. Take baby steps and don’t get down on yourself for stumbling or falling down. There will be those there to help you up. We are some of those people. Isn’t it great??
    Hang in there. Life is the greatest adventure.

  63. Heather says:

    Hello June,
    June is a good nickname. I guess it’s a good thing we’re not posting in September. I’m like you, I visit often but have only posted a few times. This site is wonderful. I’ve been on a few forums, never really finding a group I could connect with. If it’s OK I’d like to share my own tale and let you know that you are not alone.
    My demon is not depression so much as fear. Though both affect us in similar ways, I think. Five years ago I was assaulted, at gunpoint, in my own home. Walked right through the front door, they did. I was neither raped nor beaten, not physically assaulted in any way, merely “questioned”. In some ways this kind of mental assault was worse for me. I think if I had been physically harmed I would have sought out some kind of support group. As it was, I felt out of place among other assault victims and could find no support group for people who had been merely scared to death. I searched my head, heart and soul for a way to deal with my fears. I can’t explain how frustrating it was to face this thing that I could not deal with, could not make go away. Eventually I found that only time was helping. I began to forget. I got married, had two children and life moved on.
    Then about five months ago something unthinkable happened to someone I did not know in a town 200 miles away from me. A young girl was kidnapped from her very bedroom. My life began to reel. I became obcessed with the case. I began researching the terrible things that had happened to children present and past. I was punishing myself. (Why do we insist on punishing ourselves when we are depressed? I do not know.) Anyway, I had an alarm system installed complete with motion detectors. I put braces behind all the windows and seriously considered bars. I did not sleep, I kept guard duty. When I finally did doze I would awake feeling panicked and terribly guilty for having faltered. I spent many nights crowding my children out of their very beds because that was the only way I could sleep. Time had not helped one single bit! In fact, time had made things worse. This was the blackest place I have ever been. I did not know such a place could exist for me.
    Six months later: I sometimes have nightmares and terrible daydreams which always bring me to tears. I startle easily. And I sleep well only occationally. Sounds like post traumatic stress disorder, to me. The kicker came when I went to see my doctor for a sore throat a few weeks ago. She took one look at me as she walked through the door and asked why I wasn’t sleeping. I need to get some help and I plan to do it!
    I have always fancied myself independant and self-reliant. I may well be, but there are some things we cannot handle alone. For years I’ve been telling myself I shouldn’t need help. I wasn’t hurt. I should be strong enough to get over it all by myself. I’ve been telling myself to stop crying and get my *ss in gear. The worst of it was that I listened to myself for so long. Just as Orlando said, I was giving myself bad advise which I paid for recently.
    I think you should post here more often. I’ve got news for you. If you did not have a deeply sensitive soul, you would not care less what the people here had to say. I like the internet because I can spend an hour writing a post, making sure I have crossed all my T’s and dotted all my i’s. I can cut and paste and preview as often as I like. I’ve got to stop going back and changing my punctuation, though. I’m sure only my father would care.
    Listen to the good, caring people here. We seem to have personal experience. Is that good or bad? Both, I guess. Someone mentioned charity work before. I agree that good deeds are cathartic and personally uplifting. I think I will take that advice and make a concious effort to do something charitable.
    I hope you keep in touch here, June.

  64. Megan says:

    I’ve been feeling especially down the last couple of days- reading here what everyone has written has really helped to brighten my mood just exactly when I needed it. You are all blessings. Thank you. I wish I could offer words of wisdom to repay the favour, but since I don’t think my own would suffice, here’s just a little food for thought:
    “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost–the world will not have it.”
    —Martha Graham
    Cheers and Best Wishes,

  65. June says:

    Congrats on getting help and thanks for the comments. I have been down the road of counselling, medication, enforced hospital stays and none of it has helped.
    Bizarrely my story is not that different from yours. I was raped at 17 but the worst part was what happened afterwards. The house that it happened in was down a very dark lane about three miles from where I lived at the time. I ran out the house and he followed me in his car really slowly behind me all the way home. I have never known fear like that. Sometimes I wish he had killed me. I totally empathise with the terror your feel and how easily that resurfaces.
    The funny upshot of all this is that having spent so much time with psychologists and psychiatrists I am currently studying for my degree in psychology so I can try and help other people who have been through child abuse, rape and a physically abusive relationship and stop them from doing what I did – attempted suicides and scars from self harming. Sometimes I think about what I have been through and actually think I have made it all up. Thats what I need help over. That and the fear of being in a room with a bloke that I don’t know very well! I can’t trust anyone 100% ever again.
    Anyway my doc thinks I am taking the anti depressants but I’m not. I’ll get through it as I always do. I guess you just have to ride the storm.
    Thanks for sharing your story and thanks to everyone else who has been incredible throughout the past week or so.
    Sarah, I have a half empty can of soda on my bedside table. I have never been so touched by the time and effort poeple have taken to share their stories.
    Says something major about Paul, that he should attract a group of people so insightful and understanding about life.

  66. Lynn Coceani says:

    This is the first time I have written on this site. I don’t even know how I got onto it! My name is Lynn and I live in Melbourne. Personally I am a crime scene investigator and have been spending a bit of time recently working with the Los Angeles PD Crime Scene Unit in East LA – the rotten gang area.
    As far as movies go, you can’t beat old musicals. My favourite dancer was Vera Ellen and only found out today that she’s been dead since 1981! Damn! I must say that Paul Mercurio is the best Australian dancer I’ve ever seen – I’d go so far as to say he’d outdo the likes of Gene Kelly and Fred Astair – who always looked old even when he was young!
    While in LA, (I visit my sister there every year – she sends the ticket and I go! – she’s been there for over 30 years), I did notice “Strictly Ballroom” on sale in every video shop I went in to. And so it should be. (Sorry Paul, but I also like the Tap Dogs who seem to be doing very well in LA). But I repeat, I don’t know of any other dancer in Australia who would compare to you.
    My favourite music is reggae or delta blues.
    I must agree with everyone regarding Orlando’s posting. You make me feel like I should stand back and take a good look at myself. I have put my family through endless misery, years ago, by being on drugs and felt so ashamed of myself I put myself into detox and that was in 1984. You are an inspiration, Orlando.
    You say, get rid of the “toxic” people in your life. This might sound heartless, but I’ve done just that – two years ago. My daughters, aged 32 and 30 accused me of things I had no idea about and told me never to contact them again. It broke my heart, not because of them, but because I have two beautiful granddaughters who I miss so much. One of them, Kiara, who is 11 or 12, went against her mother’s wishes and came around to visit me. I could do nothing but stand there hugging her and crying. I asked if her mother knew she was there, her answer was “Yes, and I don’t care what she thinks, you’re my nanny and I love you.” So off I went again, bawling my eyes out.
    I apologise for the abrupt finish to this, but I’m on call and just received a call to get to a crime scene within 30 minutes – yeah right- it’s way across town, and will take me at least one hour to get there, plus I have to load the dog in the car – she checks the scene to make sure it’s safe and has saved my life at least twice.
    If anyone wishes to write to me, please do,but if I’m out, I’m either at University or poking around dead bodies. Sorry!
    Regards and best wishes to all.