three years away

the phone rings
once
then much later
twice
i wait
darkness fills me
silence
three times
a warm voice
fills my mind
sleepily
dreamily
says hello
i soak
enveloped
my need tight
a bubble breaks
a sound
a sob
my voice?
tight
holding
denying
disbelieving
another sob
darkness surrounds
night
stars
wink out
warmth
gives up
invites the cold
calm
becomes ever still
till nothing
a warm voice
drifts away
memories fade
thoughts dwindle
a sob escapes
the pain of living
pain
held firmly
too firmly
to feel
too firm
to be
true freedom
disallowed
hello?
sleepy
warm
comforting
heat to my lips
blood moving
i’m okay
i’m home
your embrace
love floods
fills
keeps me
i float
my pain
your pain
our pain
diluted
sinks
wrapped again
held
for another time
time
lingers
wafting
smelling of fear
and memories
hello?
reasuring
time is now
memories
drift across
thoughts
feelings
nothing is forever
forever
only you
now
only you
hello
i say
and am safe

70 Responses to “three years away”

  1. kei says:

    Paul
    I am think of you and your family as always.
    I hope that you are home with your family surrounded by love.smothered by happiness and tickled by joy.
    This time we share in this life…………..The days we have together…………..is there ever
    a promise that we will see tomorrow. Each day
    holds a gift full of adverture, full of love, romance,enchantment,and surprises.
    Then of course, there leaves hope, planning, what ifs. The tomorrows! One things for certain. We have right now. Whenever, where ever, or what ever moment you are in ( or any one) .It is to be enjoyed, embraced,remembered.
    Lived to the fullest. Tell your family you love them every minute, every second of every hour!
    ( I’m sure you do already. Right? 🙂
    I don’t know,maybe I’m just thinking aloud.mmmmm
    Paul
    Keep inspiring, keep striving and loving life.
    You do make a difference. But then again , you do know this! 🙂
    How does it feel to touch the hearts of many. I was introduced to you through the movie Joseph.
    It was truly a great film. This corner was truly an unexpected joy! You share you! Your true feelings. I don’t know what I thought I would find here. I don’t know ……………just pictures maybe.
    Who’d ever thought it would be you or your fans.
    Sorry! your friends, your pc family at the corner. I bet now you can’t imagine your life with out them. They (we) in some way have become a part of you. Ok ok A little part! 🙂
    I would like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to make new friends and learn more about you and about life. I simply adore grandma. kathleen, peter, tim, and there are so many I can’t name them all, oh yes and whit! And Cat! I can’t forget about Cat! Oh well,you get the point. I know I’ve only been here a short while, and prehaps I’ve talked to much already,
    but I am hoping to get the chance to know you and everyone else better!:-D Group Hug! :-)((((((((((((((SQUEEZE))))))))))))))))))))))))
    Best to all of my Pc fam
    Kei
    And thanks a lot Peter for the compliment! That’s so sweet of you to say that!:-)

  2. deltalady says:

    Paul,
    that is simply and eloquently beautiful; I can
    feel the yearning, and its fulfillment and frustration all at once.
    Ultimate phone sex,lol? More like phone love-making, and phone connecting . . .comfort.
    hugs,
    Sally

  3. Linda Thomas says:

    Paul…What a poignantly beautiful expression! It could relate to so many circumstances.
    Greetings to all in the Corner!
    I am struggling to re-connect and catch up. Work and other obligations have been so overwhelming recently. And, sadly, I cannot say “NO” when I know I can make a difference. If I can get to the end of October, life will at least somewhat manageable. No, Millie, I haven’t taken time off yet – the last week in October for sure! NYC here I come. When I return, I decided to have surgery for the pinched nerve in my back.
    Hope everyone is thriving.
    Thinking of you,
    Linda

  4. Grandma Mil says:

    Ellie and I just got back from New Year services at our synagogue, where the rabbi’s sermon reminded us of our obligation to ourselves and to others, and that we must make each day a special one.
    He suggested that we turn to our loved ones, relatives and friends, and give them a daily “I love you” and those (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) that we already share and hold so dear on Paul’s Corner.
    Paul, your poem and Kei’s letter are so poignant that your words could have been used to enhance the rabbi’s sermon!
    The congregation was mostly senior citizens, and we are very well aware that in the lives of old and young, each hour and each day are so precious, and the gift of love is the most precious gift of all!
    Love and Shalom (peace) to everyone, with (((((HUGS)))))
    Grandma

  5. Tim Hord says:

    I love these kinds of poems Paul. They make me break out of my stodgy mode and re-read until I understand the wisdom of it all. Thanks.
    Auntie Mil, you may have a latte on WW. It counts as 3 points with 2% milk or 2 with Non fat milk. You can use a sweetner if you like. I always have a double tall non fat latte. I have been known to have a Venti Chocolate Frappucino. OMG…can’t even record the points of those.
    Love you guys…
    peace to all
    Tim

  6. Peter says:

    Paul, You’re talent for finding beauty in things seems to have few bounds. So important, so valuable.

  7. peter says:

    Damn, I meant to say: “Your talent….”
    Ohhhhh!!……you know what I meant.

  8. Dhiana says:

    Peter – we’ve never taken off points for grammar here. 😉
    Paul – (contemplative silence…nodding my head)
    Thank you.
    Dhiana

  9. Katalina says:

    no words, just mmmmmmmmmmmmm.lovely.
    so visual and emotive. connection and reunion
    is strong and beautiful…especially after (painful) separation. what a joy to have that closeness back again. Happy thoughts to Paul and family (and our PC).
    ok…jumping into the group PC
    (((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))
    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
    *smile, sigh*
    Katalina

  10. Peter says:

    Kat & Dhi: where the hell do they get all those different types & styles of coffee!
    When I drank it, I just drank coffee. Black stuff in a cup. Add some skim milk. Finished. Drink it.
    Perhaps I’m deprived.

  11. Peter says:

    Good morning (Aussie time) to all at PC.
    I have never written a poem, well not since I was made to write something at school.
    I’m not sure why, or where, but anyhow, here’s my contribution:
    it’s such a long time
    from there to here
    over my shoulder
    it remains unchanged
    still, nothing is the same
    distracted by now
    my life unfolds
    until wisdom shines
    a tiny light
    a washed canvas
    of what has been
    a momentary glipse
    of what may be
    I stand here and now
    too short the flicker
    then all is lost
    and a new path begun
    another way
    somehow familiar
    but not the same
    A new light I see!
    a little brighter
    nothing has changed
    still, nothing is the same

  12. Paul says:

    Peter, a beautiful poem and true nothing is the same.
    Thank you

  13. Mary Ellen says:

    Lovely poetry-suits my reflective mood.
    Until my darling daughter interrupts with,
    “Does Paul really write on this board?”
    “Yes, dear.”
    “he has a child about your age, too”
    “is he as old as you are?”
    “no,he’s barely 40, I think.”
    “Someone in my room who has a bunch of brothers and sisters said that their parents were almost your age.”
    “Are you telling the entire 6th grade that your mom is 49????????”
    “no. I mean you said you can hardly remember how old you are, so I only told a few people.”
    And so it goes.

  14. Paul says:

    Peter, on second reading I realize we stand together “here and now” like many of those that join us here (and now) at PC.
    Nice to know we are not alone, that for us all nothing stays the same and if it did we must all be dead! or at least enjoying nothing but the dreams of a dreamless sleep, awaking to the same old same old as yesterday and tomorrow.
    Nice to get older isnt it? That way when you look over your shoulder you can see youve been somewhere and that although the path in front looks the same as the path behind, none of it is same because you are not!
    I love the journey!!!
    By the way I am home.

  15. Grandma Mil says:

    We’re so happy that you are home, Paul, in the arms of your loved ones for good, with great possibilites in the days ahead, with a new journey beginning.
    Peter, you ARE a poet, and you didn’t know it! I think Paul has brought out the best in all of us!
    Innussiq, I just saw the word “studmuffin” (one word here) used in a column in today’s local paper, by that Bush basher and political satirist, Maureen Dowd. She uses it sarcastically to describe Donald Rumsfeld, the Secretary of Defense, whom she despises, and I almost fell off my chair laughing! (I still like the way you used it to describe Ellie..and he likes it too!)
    Mary Ellen, when you reach my age (70) you will find you are no longer afraid to admit it, for it is an honor and privilege to have come so far in one piece!
    Peace and love,
    Grandma

  16. Julie says:

    Hello All,
    Good Morning!
    Grandma Mil, I have an interview this week and I will see when I can be available for lunch (I’m so looking foward to it, the lunch that is) I will e-mail and keep you posted. Hope all is well in Coral Springs.
    Mary Ellen, I loved your entry, so humorous and so reflective on parenting. I have no children of my own but hopefully I will follow your footsteps and have a child that will one day tell the 6th grade class that their mother is 49. I hope to travel more, discover more about myself and get a ‘real’ career started one of these days soon.
    Peter, so is the journey as it continues whether we object to it or not. One small discovery after another, the challenges that make us stronger and wiser, encountering something new about ourselves each day, always keeping an open mind, and finding out time and time again what makes life…interesting.

  17. Julie says:

    Paul, what can I say…intense.
    I never underestimate your talent to mirror such emotions.
    stay carefree at home, enjoy each moment.

  18. Katalina says:

    Peter: nicely done! true: the only constant we can count on is change…
    aside: re: coffee varieties…lol, uhhhhm…i just take advantage of living in Latteland and all of its commercialized glory. if it wasn’t sweetened, blended, whipped, dripped and so on…i am not sure i would partake cuz i cannot seem to drink my coffee plain black (yet). However…i have been known to imbibe a few chocolate covered esspresso beans in my day. go figure!???!!!
    Hi to Inn Baby! How ARE you my dear?!
    Hi Dhi, Whit, G. Mil, Paul (who’s HomeSweetHome) and all..
    Sending a whole Latte Luv,
    Katalina

  19. Katalina says:

    It’s the first week of “back to school” and I’m on an earlier bus…so that puts me on a schedule of up at 5am, out the door by 6:15am, race up and down that big ole hill and head 5 long superblocks to the bus stop and on the new 2bus-route by 6:29am – in my office by 7:15am. WHEW! ahhh. *Breathing Hard….*
    Anyone else dealing with Back to School commute challenges?
    Katalina

  20. Katalina says:

    Oh…i got smooched by a “seeing eye dog” today on the bus *giggle, grinn*
    Kat

  21. Peter says:

    Paul, It certainly is nice to grow older. The wisdom provides some comfort and consolation. The change continually provides opportunities for growing.
    It’s terrific that you’re home. There’s nothing better than being in the place you love with the ones you love who also love you. Home is the best.
    I have a story about the priceless value of “home”, but it will have to wait.
    Paul, I sincerely wish that ALL goes well for you now, in every aspect of your being. Have a great day today.
    Katalina, Please explain “Latteland”, I’m still not completely with it! It whips up visions of good folk fuelled by caffeine hits!!
    Come to think of it, I remember reading somewhere where someone said that America would fall to it’s knees without the morning cup of coffee. I’m sure the US is not Robinson Crusoe in that regard!

  22. Kei says:

    Hi All! 🙂
    Paul, I am sooooooo happy for you and your family. What a joy to be where you want to be, longed to be, and hoped to be. With your beautiful family. Have a blast! 🙂
    I have only one word for Peter. Bravo! 🙂
    I’m feeling ya!:-).If we all were to flip ourselves inside out, we’d be surprise at what we would find. I think talent is the flow of our creative inner being( you have more to give than you think!). Kepp writing! You know, FLOETRY! Flow Peter, flow!:-D
    Katalina
    That is so funny about the dog!( laughing in tears! heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh)
    I can remember a simular experience a long time ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was on my way to meet with my singing group at the lawyer’s office and I was running late. It was very windy and I can remember trying to flip my hair out of my face. After I brushed my hair out of my face, before I knew it I had almost tripped. Suddently I found myself fighting with a white stick. I didn’t realize , until I looked back that it was an older blind gentleman with one of those white stick. I think it’s called a walking stick. Well, it was caught between my legs and almost hit me in the face. When I turn to ask him if he was ok, I saw him feeling around for it. Oh ,I felt so horrible. No need to say that I apologized on and on…………
    I’m glad he forgave me and nothing happend to me or my daughter. It wasn’t funny then, but when I think of it now, it’s a tickler.:-D
    Glad to see everyone’s happy!
    Love to all!
    Keisha a.k.a. ( Kei):-)

  23. Sara W says:

    Well, here I am. Lonely, who will have the house for two weeks. And I recently broke up with my second boyfriend who I will not name. I feel sad and lonely. Sometimes I’ll ask myself if I am going to make it in this world. Like will I have an apartment, get married, have a successful career, children. Sometimes I fear that I would end up being old maid and die lonely. Future is so uncertain, but there is one thing that will remain forever: GOD. I putting it into the lord’s hands. The reason I broke up with my second boyfriend is because of undesirable differences. He wanted to have sex before marraige. Even though I did it with him, I know in my heart that it’s best to abstain from sex until marraige. I am going to let GOD be in charge of my life. When the right one comes, I will preserve myself until my wedding night. This is so strange talking about this but I am glad that I am letting it all out. Why is this world going crazy about pre-marital sex. I feel that it is every woman’s right to abstain from it until they marry the right person. The reason for abstinance is to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STD’s I’m sorry Paul about talking about this on PC, but I just want to get it out of my system. Main point is I’M LONELY.
    Sara W
    PS: I hope all of you are not offended

  24. Innussiq says:

    Love the poetry gentlemen! Keep on flowing! Peter if I may…Katalina lives in Seattle the coffe capitol of the U.S. The home of Starbucks the makers of the flavored coffee. Flavors to the degree you can’t believe. I love Starbucks. Mocha Latte with whipped cream..yummy I could use one right now. The only local Star’s is in our Barnes and Noble book store about 15 miles away. AHHHGGH! I’ll never sleep now just thinking about it. Having said all that..HELLO KAT! I’m fine. Puppy kisses are nice aren’t they?
    Still just a five minute commute for me. Doing the Mad Mom in a Minivan thingy in the am. Well, I’ve said enough. I’d better get some dinner.
    Peace and love.
    Hi to everyone else too.

  25. Peter says:

    Sara W, PLEASE don’t be lonely!!
    I admire you for having the strength of your convictions. Compromise is fine, but ultimately you must be YOU, no matter what.
    Respect is foremost in any relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s hard to see the reason in the values of others, but we shouldn’t dismiss them or try to change them against a person’s will.
    Agreed, unwanted pregnancies may not be a blessing.
    Please be well. Perhaps you could do something that you like to lift your spirits?

  26. Peter says:

    Inn, thanks for the explanation.
    It’s lunchtime now. I’m having a pineappple juice, straight up, chilled, in a glass (for a drink).
    I couldn’t think of any special names or combinations. Sorry.
    I guess it’s just not the same as coffee, huh?
    Minivan?…..scary!!!!

  27. Diane says:

    Geez, Inn and Katalina. Should we really mess with Peter and start talking about the fruit smoothies at Jamba Juice? Really yummy and loooaded with carbs.
    Helllooo! Greetings to Paul and all my friends here. Like Linda, I can barely come up for air these days.
    Getting ready for the business launch, plus planning commission work, plus organizing school board candidate forums for the local PTA Council. Today has been productive. I have good energy right now. But over the past 2 months, I’ve found myself generally overwhelmed with the physical, mental and emotional changes that come with the new business and with being a woman at age 49. I’m grateful for the wisdom I’ve gained. I just wish I could say “49 Rocks!”, Mary Ellen, but my perimenopausal body just won’t cooperate. I’m taking it in for a check up real soon.
    Sara W., I agree with Peter. You need to make the choice you think is right for you and protect yourself and your health. The sadness, lonliness won’t last forever. Just keep working toward your goals, keep an open mind, pray as you see fit and you’ll be surprised at how your life unfolds. We’ve all spoken about gray, if not outright dark days, but they don’t last. When you need more hugs than we or anyone else gives you, hug yourself and say “This too shall pass.” It does and it will.
    Paul and Peter, thank you for your poetry. You pull me toward contemplation when I’m caught in the whirlwind.
    So glad to read these postings. I’ve missed you all. Glad you’re home, Paul. Best regards to your family.
    Love,
    Diane

  28. Julie says:

    Sara! We are not a victim of the world here. There is nothing horrible and catastophic about being alone. Please order this book from Amazon now, ‘Why I am nothing without a Man’ When you only have yourself to please in all you do in life, it can be quit liberating! Marriage or even a boyfriend will not fix your relationship with…yourself.
    Go out and do something you like today. Every day is an adventure even at wine tasting at the supermarket.
    When my husband was away on a conference last week I went to my favorite Japanese Restaurant on the causeway, all by myself. No friends, no one! When I sat at the sushi bar I struck a conversation with the sushi chef. He talked about his perspective on living in fort Lauderdale and gave me some free samples of some of the sushi. The rest of the time I took my notebook with me and wrote some ideas that I had for writing projects while waiting for my main course. While I was eating I listened and looked around at the other people in the restaurant discretely, having fun listening to their stories. I had a great time.
    One day or another we will find ourselves alone, for a short time or long periods of time. It’s not a curse it’s an opportunity and a part of living!
    So Sara, today or tonight go out or stay in, and do something you truly love to do. Even if its running out for ice cream late at night or renting your favorite movie.
    Life is always an adventure!

  29. Katalina says:

    Hi Inn Baby, Diane, Peter, Sara, Julie and all at PC today.
    Sara: your decision is right for you and that’s what is important. good for you standing by your conviction/s. loneliness will pass. being alone can be good in the sense that you can get to know yourself in ways that you wouldn’t have time for even in thought with a partner. you can set out on new journeys, mind, spirit and body without consulting anyone else. you can learn a new language, sport, craft. you can make new friends. you can travel somewhere. you can get closer on your spiritual path with more focus if you have one or choose one. you can use the time to evaluate what went right, what went wrong and regroup and get ready for the next time with more of an idea of who you are and what you are looking for (or who). Besides, dear Sara…nothing stays the same…if you give it some time…this momentary loneliness, pain, sorrow or confusion most definitely WILL pass. you will laugh again, you will have hope, you will love again (and maybe again). Enjoy the process!! (just my opinion, but also my experience). Big Hugzies to you my dear. Take heart! We’re all here for you.
    Peter: Inn said it well. Yep i live in Seattle (aka latteland)and although i used to be somewhat of a traitor and adored Tully’s coffee, have switched back to Starbucks now that my b/f works there in management. tee hee. We now have all things Starbucks from cool backpacks to mugs, to shot glasses (espresso) to shirts and aprons and keychains…lawdy! Oh well…I’m enjoying it. He gets a free pound of coffee each week as a perk for working there. All of the “partners” (employees are called partners) get this as a perk. We never have to shop for coffee in store again! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
    Okeee…and yes puppy smooches are lovely.
    I want one! Kitty licks, coarse and infrequent just don’t cut it! (but i love my furry badboy kitty anyway) *wink n a grinn*
    Katalina

  30. Dhiana says:

    Paul, YAY you’re home! I thought about you yesterday, of all of you, of watching SB AGAIN while I was home supposedly “working”…but there was just too much to do in the way of preparations for a big Harvest Party we’re having this weekend, so alas…no rhumba for me. Wah.
    But I agree that when one is DOWN, one must do whateveritis they do to enjoy themselves. Even if it (gasp!) costs MONEY! (see Yarn Stash in my basement) 😉 I also think that when people stop seeing “God” as this third person entity and realize It/He is in in their bones and blood, not just this little piece of thier “heart” that they try to make bigger, THEN the peace erupts.
    But that’s just me.
    Peter, DAHLING…oh, what Katalina and I could SHOW you, dear…”straight” and “black” have NOTHING to do with it! MILES apart, my dearest, MILES apart…
    And this is me trying to cut down as this is my big month of fasting. GREAT timing. *yawn* Hey, if I can’t conquer what goes into my mouth, HOW do I ever hope to conquer the BIGGER battle…what comes out?
    (I STILL have to go find that poem I wrote about groundhogs and hairballs…I really think this is the proper forum for it. ) 😉
    *Poof!*

  31. Dhiana says:

    I just re-read that. My stars, I AM insane. Totally certifiable. How you put up with me I have NO idea…but thanks for that.

  32. bluedog says:

    yep, this would be the proper forum…no doubt about it!!!

  33. Katalina says:

    groundhogs n hairballs….hmmm
    *hrrr..hrrrr..uuuurp…HACK, phltahhh!*
    tee hee
    resident KittyKat-alina
    Gawwwwd Dhi…you are too wickedadorable! hee hee

  34. Katalina says:

    awwwright. i KNOW that was disgusting.
    what can i say. i have a cat, or rather,
    the cat has ME/owns me. i have seeeeeeeen
    the results of the freakyHACK/barf. yik bleh.
    *shaking head in horror!*
    Kat

  35. Kei says:

    Hi All!
    Sara
    I totally agree with Peter, diane,and julie. And yes! life is an adventure.
    Don’t ever apologize for being you. Right now this maybe exactly what you need.( to talk) I have always believed everything happends for a reason. Life is a process. For example: there is no cake until you mix the ingredients together.
    I was just curious, how old are you? if you don’t mind me asking?
    The best thing you can do right now is focus on you! Get to know yourself. Love yourself. I mean really love yourself. Because if you never learn to love yourself, that doesn’t leave any room for someone else to love you either. You’ve got to know your self worth or you will settle for anything. And there is nothing worst than meeting Mr. Wrong. or Making the wrong decisions for the wrong reason. Stick with your gut feelings. Then be proud of your decisions. Trust yourself.
    I would like you to look in the mirror and tell your self how beautiful you are. Tell your self you are going to make it and have your hearts desires. And believe it! Speak your future into existence. Your words are life! DON’T FEAR LIFE! Live it no matter what. Be positive! Think of the positive things that you want for your life , go after it ,and positive things will happen. Life can be very rewarding. When it’s your time, you will know it. Get out and be apart of life! Don’t wait for it to come to you, get out in it! enjoy it! 🙂 Here’s a hug for ya!:-)
    kei

  36. Kei says:

    Sorry guys!
    Hello Paul, Grandma Mil, Kathleen,Diane,linda, Peter, Inn, Julie,Mary ellen, Bluedog,Dhiana and any one else I missed. Oh and you too Tim! Wishing you guys a great day.
    I was just thinking, there is really a lot of talent here at the corner! I am so glad I found it! Thanks again Paul and Cat!
    Paul
    I just got another one of your films and I was wondering. Which one did you enjoy making the most? and Why? Have you ever thought about doing a film project with your wife or your kids? Have you ever thought about writing your own script?If not, you really should. I bet it would be great. You are so talented! So Glad to hear your home!:-)
    Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    Kei 🙂

  37. kei says:

    Sorry about the long post!;-o
    Ok! Ok! now I’m gone……….)))))))))))))):-)

  38. Paul says:

    Sara, I think everyone else has said about as much as can be said – good advice too! You are number one and need to look after you first. Compromise when you want to and when it is right for you. Make decisions based on your worth and dignity. Above all else follow your heart.
    Loneliness is tough but it can be a gift also. When you have had enough of it then that is a good time to join a group in an environment that you enjoy – bible study group or a craft group or a soup kitchen or book club or tennis club etc etc …..find something you like and get out there and get into it!
    Kei, what was the other movie? I have been in a Tv show with my middle daughter – she was great – and of course now she wants to be an actor. The was a show called Day of the Roses. I wrote a film with a friend of mine many years ago but for various reasons didnt get it up and running. Wrote a play with a group of people a few years ago also – would love to get that happening and will when the time is right.
    Fingers in many pies, so life is always full of opportunities – but and Sara take note – you got to make the opporunities happen, no one will do it for you, they may do it with you if you get them involved and excited.

  39. deltalady says:

    Hello, PC-ers!
    So glad to hear you’re home,Paul! Although I admit it was nice having you in North America; sometimes I caught a post before there were dozens of replies. 😉
    I’m trying to get caught up on things, so I haven’t read every word here, but nice poem, Peter.
    Sara, alone and lonely aren’t the same thing, sweetie, cultivate your own company and enjoy.
    Groundhogs and hairballs . . .lol, what rhymes with aaaaaachhhhhhhhhhhacckkkkkk
    hugs and smiles,
    Sally

  40. Innussiq says:

    Sara, I agree completely with all the advice given. I want to add that you can’t be part of a relationship unless you are a whole person on your own. Unfortunately only time will allow you to see this. You will be ok.
    Diane smoothies, yum yum. I love ’em! Strawberry!
    Peter, I love pineapple juice and fruit. One of my husband’s “poor me, my wife is pregnant” stories involves pineapple. He was such a love filling all my odd food cravings.
    Hi Paul, glad you are home. Hope you and the family are well.
    Hello to Katalina BaBay,Grandma Mil, Timmer,Whit,Kei and the rest of the Corner. Love ya!
    Peace

  41. Sara W says:

    On the contraire, Paul, I do go to bible study on Wednesdays. And for two nights, I’ve been sleeping good. Is it normal to still have feelings for the one you broke-up with? Because I still have feelings for my ex. But I am definately moving on. In God’s time, he will show me the right man to marry. Just as the white foam recede from the shore, they always come back forward as strong waves. When the prayers, praise, and worship go up, the blessings come down. The poem you wrote is wonderful. I think it was based upon the experience you had. About the sob parts. Were you feeling them as you expressed your loneliness?
    Paul, welcome home and I hope it wasn’t a longer flight for you.
    Sara
    PS: Have you recently heard the song I CAN ONLY IMAGINE by Mercy Me? I await your response.

  42. Sara W says:

    Kei,
    I am 24 years old. Happy to say that I made the right decision. It’s sure a big journey. And I didn’t mind you asking.
    At conception, we are protected in mom’s belly.
    At birth, we leave the protected utero, we are born into a world of cold and hot, difference between right and wrong, and being loved versus being hated.
    At childhood, we create memories that last a lifetime.
    The teen years, there is a phase called teen rebellion. In adolesence, everything is new and confusing.
    Adulthood comes with new challenges. Challenges of getting a career going, living on your own, being married, having kids, and more.
    At being middle-aged, the pros are you get an opportunity to be a grandparent. Also go through retirement. The con is you get arthritis, back pain, heart disease, etc.
    At death, when your life is over, your soul goes into the afterlife, whether its good or bad.
    It’s a poem to remind me that the adventure is not over yet.
    Sara

  43. Grandma Mil says:

    Hold on a minute, Sara W, you’ve gone too fast through the stages of life!
    You went from middle age to death, and left me and my hubbie out completely! There’s a whole world of retired (and some still working) seniors, from 65 on up, doing quite well, thank you!
    Yes, we get arthritis, but so do much younger people, back pain can dog one all through life, and heart disease can come to anyone of any age, through heredity, bad habits of indulging in the wrong food and drink and tobacco…
    So, I scold you just a little, for I want you to be more optimistic about life! It isn’t so bad being 70+…we dance, we take courses, we exercise, we go on trips, we visit our children, we perform in shows, we go to shows, and if something hurts, we go to the doctor…and yes, we even smooch and “fool” around….
    Love,
    Grandma

  44. Innussiq says:

    Kudos to you Grandma Mil! I can attest that diseases “of the aged” can strike early. Sara you are new, but most of the board knows I have had arthritis since age 28. It’s been a bitter fight and I do feel (physically) like I’m more 78 than 38 but life isn’t over yet. It won’t be over if I get in the wheel chair either.
    It’s perfectly normal to feel love for someone long after they have gone out of your life. I lost my father five years ago and I will never fill the hole that he left. I also parted ways with a friend two years ago, as far as I know he is alive and well, and I miss him something fierce. I always will. It seems like in youth all you are worried about is being normal,like everyone else. When you get older you figure out it’s better to just to be you. It’s a wonderful journey, but sometimes it feels like crap.
    Ok, Preachy Inn has had her say she can shut up now.
    I’m feeling upbeat today. Trying to convince myself that winter is not coming. Already had to turn the heater on though. Oh, and it’s hailing outside. I just love fall in Northeastern Penna. Kat, I need a latte badly. It’s off to Barnes and Noble for me.
    Hello Peter, Paul, Whit, Timmer, Diane, Julie, Kei and everyone. Have a great day!
    Peace.

  45. Julie says:

    Grandma Mil, I am happy that you clarified the myth of, as my grandmother puts it the “fourth quarter”. You go Millie!!!
    Sara, It would be wonderful if all in life were clarified for us and someone would point the finger as to which direction to go. As my father would say years ago, “a want answers I’m tired of questions.”
    But as a spiritual person myself, dabling in all sorts of spiritualities, reading history and philosophy, questioning the mysteries of life, there is still no one actually pointing a finger and saying, “hey julie this way.” if life were that easy we wouldn’t be able to create our own inner universe and actually discover new things that could make…a better world. Guidance is guidance…yet sooner or later we need to stir up new ideas (even from old ideas) for happiness and joy to continue to evolve.
    Sara, I have contemplated what you said and you have a right to your spirituality and beliefs but at the same time I don’t want you to live in fear of your spirituality b/c thats not the point of it. God has given you a beautiful mind and if you love, respect, and truly feel joy with someone, and share all that is beautiful of life with this person than that is probably God’s point(I don’t want to speak for God its just an opinion). Our bodies as well as our minds are a creation (correct me if I’m wrong) of God and he gave you the gift of life to…be happy? When I was around your age I felt the same way. I was in fear of disease, an unwanted pregnancey, and someone using me for my body and not buying the cow in the end. I thought I would be impure and no man would respect me. Without giving too much info, when I was in my first committed relationship several years ago (not marriage) a trip to the doctor, books, and talking to my aunt relieved me of the thought that in the middle of the act, the roof wouldn’t callapse and the flames of hell would engulf me (I laugh about this today). I was able to have my partner tested and learned about different forms of BC. This made me more at ease.
    Marriage (which the formality actually started in the tenth century when peasents copied the traditions of nobles, in the european world) is your formal announcement to the community, your real committment starts way before then. Even these days there is no guarantee that marriages last forever, no matter what denomination you are. Committment is in the heart not at the ceremony.
    This is just my own opinion and reaching out woman to woman. Good luck with your situation.
    Oh by the way, he did buy the cow in the end.

  46. Kei says:

    Laughing)))))))………I heard that Grand ma!:-)
    Go on with your bad self! :-)That’s how I want to be. Still having it(you know enjoying life)with every year that comes and goes!Looking forward to getting older! ( getting better! )
    Sara
    You’ve got a long way to go.I have a tip for you and PLEASE DON’T FORGET IT! When you rush to have or focus only on, what some may think, are the ultimate goals in life , ex: Marriage, career, children, a home, good friends, grand kids….etc……). You really miss out on what’s also truly important. Enjoying life! Enjoy Living it! Just let it flow………!You get what you are suppose to have when you are suppose to have it. whether we choose to believe it or not is another matter! Just relax. Keep hanging in there! ( chin up and all! ):-)
    Paul
    I have the Dark Planet, Joseph, Exit to Eden, Strictly Ballroom, The first 9 1/2weeks, and I am waiting on Welcome to Woop Woop. I would like to collect them all. Although I don’t think I will be able to get a hold of any tv movies.
    🙁 I wish I could have seen the movie with you and your daughter. Did she have fun? I bet she did! There’s nothing like going to work with your parents. 🙂 Hey! You should get back into the writing thing. You already know you’ve got the talent.We would love to see some of it in the writing dept. too! On screen, stage, you know….Spread your wings! I am not a pro dancer, but after watching “S. Ballroom” and another movie called “Dance with me”, I am going to see if I can put together a few movies and strut my stuff on the dance floor at the Latin Palace next friday. ((((laughing)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
    One time on my B- day when we were at the Latin Palace, we were dancing on the floor.( now mind you, I have had no trainning, but I just feel the music in my soul, so to myself I was just having a good time, doing whatever came to mind, being lead by the music!), the next thing I know they gave us the floor, we were dancing alone! (laughing) I looked at my friend and said, ” Why are we the only ones dancing?” he said, ” they must think that we are professionals or either we are crazy and they fear for their lives! ”
    ( laughing) woooo! I’m gonna try it this time with some practice!:-)
    (still laughing))))))))))))))))))))))))) See ya!
    To: Paul,Sara, blue dog, grandma mil, tim, peter, deltalady,Inn,Kathleen,Katalina, julie,dhiana, diane, mary ellen,linda, and anyone else I have misse old and new……… Take care and have a great day!
    Love ya guys! 🙂
    Kei

  47. kei says:

    Sorry guys, I’m working on shortening my post!:-)
    Please forgive!:-)
    Kei

  48. Katalina says:

    Inn: it’s a perfect white-out all foggy and misty outside today, nice cool, moist, dewy air and it would be the perfect day to settle into a big comfy chair at Barnes/Noble with a beautiful latte or mug of warm cocoa.mmmmmm. wish i could join you! I have some books I want to try to find. I’m currently doing some personal research/literature searches on the Ophanim (Bird Tribes). For some reason my interests in mythology, sacred literature, and cultural and physical anthropology is currently leading me to these places. What I am finding/learning is verrrrrry interesting. So I need to get to bookstore presto!
    Sara: I’ve heard of Mercy Me and the song I CAN ONLY IMAGINE. Very nice! Do you like Joy Williams? I like her new one BRAND NEW DAY. Really shows off her amazing voice! I also love that new one by Switchfoot: MORE THAN FINE!!!!! Oh my gosh, I need to hear it again. It’s so upbeat and makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs kind of fun/energetic. “More than fiiiiiiiiine. More than..duhn duhn – getting by. More than fiiiiine, more than just Okay. Ok!”
    Have a super day my dear. Virtual (((((hug)))))
    Luv a latte to the PC,
    Katalina

  49. Katalina says:

    Hey Sara: guess what? It’s on right now!! tee hee..I guess it’s called “More Than Just Ok.” (not More than Fine.) I like the part where they say: “not giving up, not giving up Now….”
    *siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* Yay, I got my hit of Joy for the day! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    Hugz,
    Kat

  50. Paul says:

    Kei,The Australian TV movie – “Day of the Roses” is available on video here in Oz which means that it will be a pal version. Emily was in that show with me and it was great fun!
    Sara, it sounds like you are doing fine. I have been married 16 years and love my wife very very much. But it is also true that I still feel love for one of my first girlfriends – it was a long relationship and one of those first love type relationships. I think that if you have truly loved someone you never fully ‘unlove’ them when you break up and move on. True you move on, and it is important to move on but equally I think it is important to honour what you had with that person and that is part of the letting go also. It is part of honouring your own self and ability to give and to love.
    No I have not heard that song.
    Grandma – a shining example!!! Live Laugh Love

  51. Sara W says:

    Julie: what is the form of bc?
    Grandma Mil: Shalom, and happy belated Rosh Hashonah. I heard the words: me-ne-na-ke-ta. What does it mean?
    Sara

  52. Tim Hord says:

    Wow so much said…where to begin.
    Auntie Mil..you go girl…foolin around at 70…Hell yeh!!!!Sounds like a Patsy Cline song. : )
    Paul. Glad to hear you’re home mate. I know you’re family is ecstatic as are you. You’re on to new and better things. I simply can’t wait to see the future unravel. Tell your family I wish them well. So glad you’re able to get those snuggles in now. They are incredible and hard to do without. I know.
    The poems are great Paul and Peter. What is it about guys down under? They have a great way of expressing themselves.
    Hey Whit, I’m changing my screenplay into a short story or novel. Who knows, it might get picked up that way better.
    Lattes. Starbucks is next door to my salon. It’s absolutely decadent. I could go over there and order all these incredible drinks and add a coffee cake that has a stick of butter in it…Whew..the points the points.
    Down 20 pounds and going…
    Sara
    Loved to hear your story. My dear friends here at PC had me read The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D. I highly recommend it. I’ve been through hell and back in the last year. I attempted suicide this past spring. I’ve had huge marital problems as a result of religion.
    This book was a great awakening for me. I can’t recommend it enough. As far as being lonely…Hey you’re only lonely if you let yourself be. If you find it’s a daily ongoing unrelentless feeling. I suggest a visit to the Dr. You may just be in a mild depression in which case they can medicate you for a short while and you will snap back into wonderful shape. Me, I’m permanently dosed on anti depressants, stress and mood swing meds. But my life has turned around. I’ve just begun to experience some really great things lately. Be patient. If you’re a firm believer in God, then as the bible says throw your burden on him. And that means throw it and leave it. As for your past, it’s taken me a long time to do this and still struggle with, but everyone here at PC will concur with me that…the past is THE PAST. Paul is a real strong leader with this one. He was in a position he hated about this time last year. But he kept plugging along and always forced himeself to try and find the best of each day. Hard as it is, it can be done. I’m living proof. Your past is always there for you to look back on, but don’t dwell there, use it for a reference library as needed…
    To everyone peace and love and a joyous weekend. I know it’s only Thursday night here in lovely Atlanta GA, (it’s cooling off), but tomorrow will be here so soon and then voila it’s Sunday…
    Hey guys make yourselves GREAT out there tomorrow.
    The Timmer

  53. Peter says:

    Tim, G’day. I’m envious of your success with the 20lbs weight loss. Well done and keep the success coming.

  54. Grandma Mil says:

    …we’re trying, Paul, we’re trying!
    I mentioned to some friends (who asked about you) that you were going to be in “The Full Monty” next year, and they got so hyper, they love the show so! It will be a big hit in Australia, and your name recogniton will be high once more, I predict! Ellie and I are already planning to buy 2 tickets to the show and give them to some friends in Sydney as our representatives…oh, to be flies on the wall!
    Timmer, I got a big charge out of your reference to Patsy Cline..I love her also, and she does have a song called “Foolin’ Around.” I lipsync her stuff often in my shows. Do you know that had she lived, she would be my age today?
    Peace and love,
    Grandma

  55. julie says:

    Good morning,
    Sara, I didn’t mean to confuse on BC, it’s not the biblical term but without being to blunt it has something to do with preventing ahem unwanted pregnancy………. birth control.
    As I will also bluntly state, if the “undisirable differences” or difference ( I assume that one issue only) is what is preventing you from having a fully wonderful relationship with this person I urge you to reconsider. If you feel committed with this person (or become committed again)you have repect for eachother…blah blah blah from my first post, just….just…..go for it! I’m sure God will smile down on that…ahem…moment of the…well you know what i mean. As long as you’re happy, that’s what counts.
    Paul is right. personally I have been with my husband for eight years and I’m absolutely crazy in love with him, I will always remember and think fondly of my other great relationships that didn’t work out for one reason or another. There is nothing to regret or feel you have to erase everything in your memory. We will always throughout our lifetime make great connections with people and have great friendships why should lovers be the exception of that. Absolutley not. It’s very normal and healthy to allow yourself to feel how your feeling. We are not monogomous beings and we cannot stop nature. The only beings on this earth that do that are Penguins. so what’s the point , if your not a Penguin there is nothing wrong with your feelings(That was a weak attempt at trying to be funny).
    Good luck!

  56. Grandma Mil says:

    Sara, thank you for the New Year greetings! This Sunday night is the start of the the second part of these holy days, the Day of Atonement, called Yom Kippur. It is a fasting day on Monday, until sundown.
    I asked around, and the word you asked about may be related to the “sweetness” of the holidays.
    Love,
    Grandma

  57. Katalina says:

    I agree, that if you love someone, you never truly stop loving them even if you have let go and moved on in life for one reason or another. I think we can love many people in life and doing so can shape us in so many positive ways and experiences. Who we choose to (life) journey with is another matter though…I think. I think it takes an extra special kind of commitment along with love to do that.
    But, I must say…I have purposefully incorporated (honored a person’s memory) many little idiosyncracies or habits from past people, loves, relatives who are no longer here, etc. in which I “honor” them or their memory. For example, the way I eat a grapefruit the way my grandfather did, or an especially hearty distinctive laugh out loud sort of glee (to remember a certain friend who really loved life a lot), and maybe playing a sport an old boyfriend and I shared, making a certain favorite ethnic food dish, or changing a bad habit in communication (from a relationship where we had that particular problem), etc. That’s my way, I guess, of taking a memory of someone I loved who I allowed to “shape” me into a better person I think…Because these people were with me for a while, I was left a little better than when they first found me.
    I dunno..maybe it’s silly, but it works for me. Much of who I am is a product of my experiences and all of the wonderful and interesting people who come in and out of my life, and I am glad for it.
    Something amazing along these lines, of late, with this kind of theme, is mobilizing me to start a compilation of short stories which I have decided to call BUS STOP SENSAI. For some inexplicable reason, now that I have started taking this one bus route regularly, people of all ages, walks, etc. have been all of a sudden approaching me and striking up pretty in-depth and personal conversations (uninitiated by me), sharing special little tidbits of themselves or their lives. I sometimes have felt that I must be wearing a sign saying “I’m approachable and I will listen.” These little experiences and the people this is coming from, are so out of the blue and often out of the ordinary (to me)in the sense that they seem to be getting me to also open up in unusual ways and having interactions that I would not normally have. These conversations leave me feeling a little brighter, a little more connected, and feeling wonderful about the experience with a “complete stranger.” I have had mini history lessons, comedy routines/celebrity imitations, life stories, and spiritually in-depth conversations to-date with these people. I have decided to start keeping track of this because for me, this is not the norm. I thought it would be kind of fun to do this as a project for about a year or two and see how many “stories” I can collect. Any thoughts or suggestions from the writers in the group here? For me this is a burning desire to get this amazing series of events down, rather than a skill at wordsmything!
    Hmmmmmmm. Ok, more latte needed. lol
    Hugs,
    Katalina

  58. Katalina says:

    Oh ye..the “Sensai” is referring to the person I come in contact with who is sharing the special insights, etc. and i (of course) would be the pupil gaining from the experience.
    🙂 Kat

  59. Katalina says:

    I forgot to say good morning to Grandma, Whitney, Sara, Julie, Paul, Timmer (here’s yer latte…but no syrups…*grinn*), Dhi, Inn, and all the PC crew.
    Wishing all of you a super weekend.
    It’s gonna a be a soccer kinda day for me on Saturday. I get to watch my best friend’s eldest daughter (age 7) play (I’m so proud of her)for the first time. Then it’s off to the glassblowing studio to meet the artists! Yippeeeeee.
    Enjoy your weekends everyone.
    Latte luv,
    Kat

  60. Anonymous says:

    I agree, Kat, that all past loves enrich/contribute to our lives. The greatest thing about love is that it has no limits…there’s ALWAYS room to love 1 more!
    I can be standing in line for the toilet and strangers will get involved in personal conversations. What’s up with that?

  61. Julie says:

    I came back on to ask Paul a question but I will start with Katalina in latte land. It’s just too enticing to offer advice.
    I’m a novice in the writing world but I have recently finished a project that took about 8 months to do and I think I can offer advice.
    Buy a notebook, not necessarily anything fancy just a composition notebook. Label it for example the title of what you would like your book to be and make sure that you take it with you on the bus, waiting for the bus, etc and write in it when you have ideas plain and simple. Even if its just a paragraph or your perspective of people, don’t worry about grammer, being perfect or if the idea leads anywhere, JUST WRITE! Like Nike’s JUST DO IT! Don’t think too much or ponder on what would sound best JUST WRITE. Even if its descibing how someone looks or how you feel that day. You will be amazed after developing a routine that you will get better and better at gathering your ideas and it will come naturally in the long run. Cafe’s and restaurants are a great place to take time and reflect (which I do frequently).
    Now back to Paul.
    You must be asked this frequently but I have just finished writing a screen play (I’m still editing a bit) how should I go about finding a production company who may intersted in producing it? Am I striving too high?
    All my best to your family,
    Thanks

  62. Paul says:

    Julie, that is a hard one. First of all register it with the writers guild so that someone cannot steal the story. Then it is a matter of sending it around to people. With any luck and a lot of hard work someone might actually read it and like and then maybe do something about it. As you read Tim is going to turn his screenplay into a short stroy as he feels he may have a better chance at getting it out there. At least that way you can also self publish. There are so many screenplays out there it is a wonder that any actually get made. You could also chek out your favorite director and send it to them with an introductory note that way you know that it is going to someone that might do the story justice if they decided they like it.
    Make no mistake it is a very tough place out there for scripts. Out of the hundreds of thousands that are written every year only a few hundred get made. Thems the facts. But dont let that stop you!

  63. kei says:

    Paul
    Can you explain the pal thing to me please.
    I would really like to get thoses tv movies:-)
    I have VHS and a DVD. What do I have to do to convert it( a different system?) or can I buy it that way. It says that I am to request the film from frykitty. Is that right? Sorry, I seem to be a little confused.:-)
    Hi to all in pc land at the corner! 🙂
    Kei

  64. Evelyn says:

    Hello everyone,
    just stopping by to say hello, lifting a rather tired head, rubbing eyes, stretching and enjoying some hot strong coffee and enjoying the thought that the last two grueling weeks are behind me and that I don’t have to teach an extra class way too early in the morning with way too many problems and that I might actually have a bit of time for myself and my friends–ahh and apply for jobs for next year. Definitely missed you guys!!!
    I have to catch up on reading but from glancing at these posts:
    great poems, both Paul and Peter,
    a belated “welcome home, Paul”,
    Sara W. be gentle with and kind to yourself,
    and Kei, yours being the last post, PAL is a different coding system for VHS (probably also DVDs although they are in regional zones) used in Europe and OZ and other parts of the world and won’t play on a US video player unless it’s a multi-standard one and those aren’t exactly cheap. There are places that convert PAL to NTSC (US standard), but again, not cheap.
    Okay, got to go and finish up the grading from yesterdays exam, probably should update the grade book as well [:-(], but first have to pay a phone visit to my Mum, to see if she came back from Switzerland, and one to my sister Tine to see if she’s back from Italy and how things are going with her new boyfriend [yep, want to know all the detail,—girl talk!!! :-)] and one to my sister Iris to see how she’s doing in the UK. Darn it, now I’m missing Europe …
    Never mind, hugs to all my friends here: Grandma Mil (by the way can you explain the “studmuffin” part to me, I know what it means if you call someone a stud and a muffin, but not combined), Whit (where are you?), Inn, cafe latte-craving Katalina (yummm!), both Saras, Kei, Julie, Dhiana (if you really want to be a teacher, talk to me first!!! :-))))), I love it but it’s also very exhausting), Diane (don’t work so hard!!!), Tim, Peter & Paul and your four lovely ladies and everyone else whose name I’m drawing a blank on!

  65. Grandma Mil says:

    Evelyn, welcome back, I assume your computer is running well now! Good to have you back, you’ve been missed!
    “Stud muffin” is the latest term of endearment for Ellie…Innusseq used the term when she wished Ellie a happy 73rd birthday on the previous thread! I had never heard it before, nor did Ellie, but we get gales of laughter when we mention it to our friends…I think they’re all envious!
    There are a lot of people in our retirement community who know about this site and about my participation. They always ask about Paul, for they all loved “Strictly Ballroom” and when I tell them that he will be on stage with the “Full Monty” they exclaim, “Oh, we loved that show, he’ll be so GREAT!”
    Enjoy the weekend, everyone!
    Love,
    Grandma

  66. Whitney says:

    Hi folks, I apologize for being away, but I’ve taken a moment to try and catch up and Sara W’s message spoke to me.
    In my opinion you’re on the right path Sara. You don’t want to be emotionaly locked into a relationship with the wrong person and miss out on the more suitable one. Stick to your guns. And you’re never alone now that you’ve found the Corner.
    I’ve been busy trying to ressurect my Web sites. I had a crash sometime back and lost many files. I was just trying to find a page and typed in my name. To my surprise Google has provided links to my comments on Paul’s Corner:
    http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PaulMercurio/messages/1901?viscount=100
    And there are more. I guess that’s what I get for using my name, but I’ve never thought of a fake one. Could it be my vanity? Very likely.
    Paul, I’m glad you’re home, I’m sure, not half as glad as your family.
    Millie and All, I love you and I don’t care if the whole world can read it. You guys are wonderful!
    Whit

  67. Julie says:

    Thanks Paul! I’ll follow your advice.

  68. Suzanne says:

    Beautiful!
    I relate, as now I am on heavy duty pain meds (or if not in pain) and when the phone rings it sometimes stirs me out of my drug induced sleep and I can not tell reality from dream.
    My children hear much too often, “Mamma needs to lay down and rest, please be quiet.”
    I suppose at least I am here for them. At 6 and 12 they can manage alright.
    But the phone ringing… there is always a bit of hope, perhaps it is my neurosurgeon with an idea to remove me from pain or an old friend who helps me remember times of enjoyment.
    Unfortunately, it is now usually pre-adolescent girls wanting to talk to my older son or pre-adolescent boys wanting to talk to my son about girls.
    The phone can bring good news and sad. But what I wish for most, when I hear that phone ring is hope.
    Suzanne

  69. andrea says:

    Don’t give into pressure, Sara. Study God’s Word and try to find out EXACTLY what it is God wants from you. Don’t compromise your morals.

  70. andrea says:

    Sara, please e-mail me if you want to know more about God’s Word at [email protected].