Paul's Corner

damn, do you feel better now that it's all out there? takes a brave man to be naked like that on the page.

i think i need to think more, or perhaps say nothing but thank you.

Whoa...that's quite the list.

I wondered how you felt about, in general, being e-raped from the folks who look into your innermost core, then zoom away with a "whatever" attitude.

I am still stunned by the honesty of this list, but will address the numerology stuff...I used to think it was bunk. Then I studied Pathagoras, and music, and was like, "Oh, shit...this is math?" Cosmic math...something an English Major at heart STILL shies away from unless she has a calculator at hand! But, it is interesting to say the least. AND, since it spoke to you enough that you've pin-pointed recurring issues, for the Body and Soul Man, I wouldn't ignore it. 'Cause I'd just HATE to see how the NatureofThings would slap you in the face with it if it continues to go unaddressed. Could hurt.

Love to you, and I have an idea about the in-laws not understanding the way you love their daughter part...doesn't matter, though. It's part of the living in the present moment, I guess: screw you people, youll never understand, but it doesn't matter--what matters is the "me" and "you" part, together.

Hugs from the Cosmos,
Fiadh Dhiana ap Willow
(when all else fails, and the list of betrayals gets too long and sad, I remember Who I am. It helps.)

oh paul...

I have often wondered whether you felt particularly vulnerable in your position as icon/truthful, sharing, human being. We all get a chance to watch you in movies and then participate in some lofty conversations with you...I always felt a little shady and anonymous when reading the postings so in order to even the playing field I posted some truly personal stuff...it may not be enough for complete balance but it is, at the very least, an attempt.

With regard to your posting on betrayals...I am the type of person who is prone to bouts of empathy....I feel like crying for you...It is a bizarre feeling....in one way I feel as though I have been eavesdropping on a very private conversation..in another way I feel as though I know your pain. Perhaps I DO know your pain. I think we all do on some level. This is part of being human...we bear the brunt of humanity. Dhiana is right, we can begin to heal when we remind ourselves that our very SELF is a product of our life's betrayals. It is no comfort when we are low, or in a rut, but it is true. We are what has happened to us. We are made up of our reactions to pain and loss as well as our reactions to fortune and love....humans are complex, beautiful creatures...

On a lighter note....if you ever want to further even the playing field I am sure us regular posters can hook you up with photos of us....so you know what WE look like....just a thought (I may be talking out of mt butt here....but at the very least I can speak on behalf of myself)...

chin up,
Sarah

Paul.

When i read your post i had so much to say - but now all of a sudden i don't know where to start.
So for now, i will just say that when i feel very vulnerable and the feeling doesn't go away, i also find a starting point and begin 'building' myself from scratch.
I'm sure you have good things to hold on to in your life, which give you the strength you need.
Unfortunately need to go, but i will give all you've said some more thought and will probably post again later.
I really enjoy reading you, i think you manage to reach out to many people, even if some of them do not respond to any of the messages.

Olga.

......I don't even know where to start...........
I keep trying to think of something that would just solve everything, but I don't honestly believe anyone can but yourself. Now, I don't mean that in a cold way because I sincerly feel empathy for you as does everyone else. What I mean is we all have our journeys thru life. Like my oldest brother died several years ago and you're right; the pain never goes away. You find your own way of coping. By the time the younger kids came along (I am the youngest of ten)
my father lost interest in "family things" and finally left when I was 13 years old. I have some hard feelings that he left and that neither financially nor emotionally did he support us. I am not trying to make little of your feelings I am trying hopefully make a point. Which is: Although we may go thru some things similar in life we all have to find our way thru it. We don't have to go thru it alone, because you have complete strangers here willing to offer support to you. You can take whatever it is you need to hear from these words, but ultimately it is what is in you that will get you thru it all.
When it come to your "employment" I cannot speak from knowledge....It's my opinion that it is a very cut and dry bottom dollar job.....I have seen some pretty stupid things on tv or the movies and thought "what was that?!" But there are some pretty stupid people out there that watch it. What's the word... fickle?, frivolous?
It's a fickle business...you're only as good as your last work or whoever is going to bring in the most money.....I don't think its personal. I don't think it's capable of being personal with the people involved in it. Like I said I have no knowledge of it. But, I believe that as long as you are involved in it and don't take their decisions as a personal decision towards you it would help.....
I was never really into numerology or signs. A couple of friends at work are very much so. I listen to them and I have read a couple of the books. I looked up my sign (Sagitarius-couldn't tell ya what that means) my sun, moon signs my cusp.... anyways some of it was right. I joke with them about fate and destiny but I truly believe the decisions are up to ourselves. I think we may not always make the right ones but we can always get thru them. I think we need to find happiness deep inside ourselves. Other people in life can make us happy or mad or whatever in life, but deep down inside we have those feelings of ourself within ourself....huh.... :) For example: I have my "pms" days( HaHa men have them too :} ) and the kids could be on their very best behavior ;)
and my husband could be in the most loving kind, caring helpful (hahaha....:) yeah right, okay he can be) moods, but I'm still feeling like "crap". Sometimes we have to find the answer in ourselves.
Anyways, now that I have said "nada" I hope something helped :]If not I know I will come back hopefully with something better.
I hope that you find what you are looking for....

Paul,

Congratulations on the ability to be so open. Being able to address what is truely bothering you- and admitt that you are part of the problem- this is a rare gift that few possess.
Now parden my language for a minute... It is time to say Fu*k you to all of those people, those betrayals, those problems that are holding you back and start fresh. Life is short and in the end the only person that can make it work for you is yourself. Make yourself stronger on the pain. Instead of thinking of how much it has hurt, be proud of how much you have endured and come out of alive. The love of a wife, children, talent and spirituality is more than most have. Take your gifts, get ruthless, and let them shine.
As far as expressing all your feelings: we are all entitled. This is your corner, so YOU are entitled. Express away. Those who feel uncomfortable speaking honestly with a celebrity are overlooking the fact that you are juat a regular guy with ups, downs, and problems like the rest. Hopefully they can at least take something away from your realizations.
Love you all and hope this finds you well.
Peace,
Megan

Geezuz, Sarah...that was potent. Truly potent. In the wonderful sense. Knowing you almost "weren't", is an amazing bit to deal with.

I am in awe.

We need to do a Poetry round-robin and call it "Naked" or "Raw" or "Spread Wide Open" or something of that ilk with all this passion and furvor we all seem to possess. Truly incredible.

Possibilities,
Dhiana

Hey there Paul,
What is there to say? First of all this is some tough love. You are a talanted man and you have achieved so much already at such a young age. You have had a VERY Sucessful dance career and a much better film,TV career than half the actors in LA. I as an actor who is just starting out because my dance career ended before it began 2 years ago when I seriously injured myself and now at the age of 19 am just attempting to get back on pointe would kill to even be able to get a decent agent. Strictly Ballroom as werid as it sounds is the movie that hepled me out of my year long bout with depression that made me just want to die. Everyone goes through bad, bad things in life. You complaints are very honest and very reasonable. I understand where you are coming from. But do you also realize how many people you have hepled through you dancing, films and website. You have 3 daughters and a wife who love you so much. Do you realize with out your hardships you would not be the person you are today.
And the persom you are is someone who is wise,sensitive,open minded, forgiving, and creative,etc. The list goes on and on. Let go of the past...whats done is done. Long ago the kids who teased you for wanting to be a ballet dancer hit themselves for it when they saw how successful you had become. Your brother while no longer on earth is still with you, slways watching over you and your family. The film and Television industry is crazy and you know that. Why they would cut a successful show for another reality cop one...the lord only knows. On a happier note I am convinced that there is no reason why you can not win an Oscar on day. Why because you are talanted of course, but you also have drive and the will to do and get of life what you want. So stand up, throw your shoulders back and SMILIE because you are loved and supported by your daughters and wife everyday and by people such as you mother and brother you don't see every day and then by people you will never see. Now I am off to ballet class because even though I have had a set back I will still keep plugging along until I have done what I was meant to do.
A Big Hug,
Marie

For what it's worth I toss my two cents into the mix.
I can't say "Strictly" changed my life, though I will say I learned a thing or two from "Exit to Eden" *wink*.
As for the lurkers-hopefully they are discussing what they read with someone. You never know where the ripples you create go, but they do go.
Betryal? I, like everyone else, have dealt with betryal. My sister is a very low chartacter and she has put my whole family through some pretty bad hoops. I love her but I have learned to control what I give over to her. I just can't stop myself from giving out that love to people who come into my life. I can't risk losing a new love or a new friend because I've been burnt. I just think it is better to hurt and heal (I trust I will always heal) then to lose the chance of connecting with someone wonderful. I've shared all I can think of for now. I wish all of you healing for your pains.

I wasnt sure if I would leave this post up - it is as Texas said a 'brave' posting - or perhaps a reckless one but hey it is my site (thanks Cat) and I am entitled to vent and clear my "stuff".

I would ask for you not to be worried for me, for I am on a magnificant adventure only sometimes it is really hard and - in fact I had the easy part ot it over the first 30 years of my life. I am happy and honoured that I can share it with you and you share your's with me. That is the nature of life and there should be more of it.

I let myself vent because I needed to and often one doesnt speak ones truth out of fear of hurting others, out of fear of others finding out what one is really thinking and out of fear of what one finds out they are hiding on themselves. I may occassionally write like a victim (and spell like one too) but I know I am not. I make every choice and am responsible for every choice - for the people I let in, for the industry I am in and for the experiences I have etc and it is heartening to know that my choices have led to inspire many on many levels:)

As for those that read the site without ever contributing that is perfectly as it should be. As a couple of you said they are likely affected in some way or another and hopefully talking to some one - the ripples spread ever wider - I gladdened to know that we as a group are positively making a difference to not just those that post comments but to all those who read our rants, raves and ramblings.

Letting go moving on? Always. Revisiting? Sometimes. Growing with every breath? You betcha!

Dhiana, I have been thinking about collecting some of the poems and prose from the comments and putting them in a book and wondered what it would be like. I wouldnt do it with out every ones OK and lets face it I have plenty of other books ideas on my plate. But your comment is interesting, possibilities! mmmmmmmm.... the titles???!?!?! I quite like them but the Aussie larikin in mne wants to make a joke or two - I will bite my tongue :)

Paul, (just saw your next response, but this one is to before the second one)

My initial response is a very big WOW and also HMMMM, generally stunned and having no clue as to how to respond, but I’ll give it a try and hopefully won’t end up sounding presumptuous. I guess my first "confusion" comes from me not knowing whether you are simply sharing or seeking out some sort of help, or both. I guess I’ll just respond to a few things that stirred a stronger reaction in me (I have a feeling this will be a rather long response...): First of all, I am truly sorry that you are missing your brother so much and that you are experiencing this pain of loss and betrayal.

Regarding your question about vulnerability, if we would be better off personally, if the world would be a better place? First of all being vulnerable and making yourself vulnerable to other people takes guts and generally should be treated with the utmost respect for the person who is making him/herself vulnerable and transparent. If such a relationship of trust, honesty and respect exists, I think it really will make a difference personally and in the world, but a lot of people also will use our own vulnerability and honesty to their advantage and against us and then I think it clearly is very problematic, since we end up getting hurt in the process. Finding that fine line between whom to trust and whom not, when to make yourself transparent and vulnerable and when not, is perhaps the most challenging and difficult choice I often have to make and takes a lot of wisdom. And then there is the big IF ONLY people were respectful, trustworthy, honest with themselves and each other, which leads me to the next question, how can I foster and create such trust, respect and honesty in my life and the people I interact with? By being true to myself and setting the example, the latter of which I’m finding particularly difficult at the moment with my co-workers and a whole bunch of other people, who are not respectful, honest and true to me and trample all over my emotional life and think they are entitled to doing it. I know that's part of life and the human experience, but not easy to let happen.

This kind of leads me to another thing you said that I want to respond to, which is where you say that only you can hurt and damage yourself, if you allow it. On some level I understand what you are saying and agree with you, but on another I don’t. It is entirely possible that I’m misunderstanding you, … but here it goes anyway. I think that it is (sometimes???) possible to protect myself from the hurt that others inflict (or attempt to inflict) on me, when I am aware of what is going on and can make the conscious decision not to let it get into my soul/emotions/spirit. But at other times—and I just looked at your list of betrayers/betrayals again and quickly drew up my own list mentally, which is dominated by a lot of emotional and physical abuse by men and over the course of the last 7 or 8 years, I worked on and through these experiences to establish a healthy image of "men" and I’m still not at the point I want to be at and often find myself at what feels exactly like the same starting point again. This is frustrating and infuriating, but I am getting there and this is what I need to focus on, all the little and bigger steps I have taken to heal and become whole rather than on this repetitive cycle which makes me feel trapped, helpless and overwhelmed.—Back to what I really wanted to get at: Am I really to take the responsibility for that kind of hurt that was inflicted on me by believing that I hurt myself and damaged myself because I allowed this hurt and damage to happen to me???? Is this really a responsibility I have to accept??? Of course I have often done it, because I was raised with the crap of women having to defer to men no matter what and that way harmed myself and it is there that I allowed it to happen, but what about the initial hurt and violation of my humanity, my worth and value as a human being? This is where I am beginning to draw the line and learning to say NO!!!!, because I am not responsible for that kind of behavior and action from another person. Yes it affected and affects me, but I’m not responsible for it. [Or am I????] Why are we so willing to also shoulder the responsibilities of others when we really don’t have to and should not do it???? Am I making any sense? I think there is a difference between having been made a victim and accepting the victim role, but the lines are very blurry in my head and in my experience.

As to letting the past be the past, which some of the others commented on, easier said than done sometimes, especially when there is a lot of unresolved pain behind it, but I also see your point that having to let go of the past baggage is the way to go, and to move on, but the HOW part takes a lot of energy, is in many ways personal, and for the most part I have no clue how to do it, but I am setting small and reasonable goals for myself and somehow managed to surround myself with some sort of protective aura this weekend, in which I am able to open up these past memories, feel the pain, let out the anger, and hope to resolve the inner conflict I still feel and break the power these people, memories, the pain still hold over me. I wish I could let you have some of this protective aura, it feels safe and comfortable and sacred. It’s very tempting to withdraw to it completely, but then I’d shut out reality and what I need to learn right now, which isn’t entirely clear to me, but that doesn't bother me right now. It will come to me step by step. This protective aura a very good tool and great support, but it also has the potential for me to backfire. I need to watch out for that!

More some other time, I really need to get going on yet another Medieval French translation for class tomorrow and I already want to crawl up in bed with my cat and with a good book. I guess this will be a short (or long) night, depending on how I look at it.

Paul, take good care of yourself and don’t internalize everything. Not everything is your fault and you don’t have to take the responsibility for those things were people intentionally or unintentionally hurt you, are disrespectful to you etc. And thank you for your honesty and the guts it must take for you to open up in this public space, knowing that there are a lot of people out there who could hurt you even more. Your honesty has moved me towards a place in my life, where I am now much more willing to take that risk to open up and share myself, my ups and downs, and remember, you also inspired me to draw again, something for which I will be forever thankful to you. It is helping me become more whole. A big THANK YOU TO YOU FOR BEING YOU!!! More some other time about how you (and the rest of the gang who posts here) have impacted my life, caused some ripples, stirred things up, but mostly enriched my life and me. At this point, let me just thank you!!!!
Love to all!
Evelyn
(Ps. I was unfortunately right about the length of this post... I hope I’m not boring anyone to tears...)

Hi there Mr. Mercurio! If it makes you feel any betta for a moment, I must say that as of a month ago, I consider you the sexiest man on earth. I love you to death in Exit to Eden! You and that Dana were like peaches n cream together! Please get more parts like that one because I need that sort of entertainment as much as possible! After all, I'v been married for 11 yrs and it is hard to keep certain things aflame for some reason. Or, what would be even better, is for you to begin working on a new novel, come to Atlanta, Georgia USA, down here in the South to see us pretty Georgia Peaches, and have a book signing at a Barnes & Noble book store so that I can see your lovely face in person! haha!
P.S. May Tai Ji, bring you much inner peace and blessings! Angela M. Smith, Atlanta, Ga U.S.

Sometimes I think you have it so together and sometimes you sounds more screwed than anyone I know. Life is crap Paul(that's the pessimist in me, leave me alone), not always but generally. Just when things are going great.....something comes along to ruin it. But you know what, no-one promised you anything different. No-one said life would be great and people trustworthy and caring. )I'm gonna be a great psychologist!) I know it has it's moments and people can be great and no man is an island etc etc but.

As for feeling vulnerable it's all about your perpective isn't it. I read the comments here and you can see people are desperate to reply when you make a personal comment about them. As soon as you have said something about them or what they've said they jump straight back into the fray. You may feel vulnerable which I can understand but who has the power here, really? Don't tell me the psychobabble about taking power or giving power away. It can't be denied you can see it throughout this web site. You're in a powerful position and you still have a certain anonimity. We only know what you choose to tell us.

Sorry about the tv show by the way. Even more sorry about the anniversary - I think of your brother often.

Paul: I read your first post 3 times, I'm not sure that I can add much to the responses that have been posted except this little verse that was in my e-mail today and I thought it very timely.
"Out of your vulnerabilities will come
your strength."
Sigmund Freud.

When my son was small and things didn't go his way, he would stomp his foot and tell me "That's not fair." I would tell him no one ever promised him that life would be fair and that he would just have to get over it. Life isn't fair, people are not honest with themselves much less with others, we don't always get what we want. We should not forget those who hurt us in what ever fashion that might be, so that we can recognize the same actions when headed our way again. I think that you have done exceptionally well in that respect. I admire you for hanging all of this out on the line for everyone to see, but I would expect nothing less. Maybe this will help air out your conflicts and enable you to move on.
I don't post often unless I feel I have something worthwile to add, most times someone has already expressed my feelings. However, I do check in every day to see what is happening.
I have enjoyed all your movies and have been thrilled to know that you, star that you are, have some of the same problems, same baggage, same joy's and the rest of us. For your site, I am thankful.
Remember, we support you, your family and all that you do. Stay true to yourself and your beliefs. Better thing await.
Ugly storm moving in, must go for now.
Hugs all around.
Sherrlyn

Hey, there, gang. This is a heavy topic, and I'm headed for bed so can't take much time, but wanted to raise my voice and fess up -- I'm here everyday . . . often more than once a day. Look forward to visiting even when I don't have time or vocabulary or collected thoughts to post.

What draws me? The insight. The honesty. The reality. Though I often post a "stay positive" message, I know life's realities are often cruel and harsh, especially in the entertainment industry, but no matter your frustrations, Paul, you always hang in there . . . continually auditioning and working and getting laid off and working again, molding the clay called your career. That takes chutzpah. That's what's so admirable about you and this company of cyber friends -- you all never give up even when life makes no sense at all.

Gotta'dash. See you all tomorrow, along with American Morning with Paula Zahn (CNN). I watch her and catch up at Paul's Corner while I get ready for work. 'Night.

I just want to take a moment and rant about losing my identity here....I remember when I was the ONLY Sarah of any spelling....now we have a Sara (no "H") and a Sarah (not me but also has an "h")....I would post as Sarah W.....but as some of you may have noticed, Sara's (no-H) last name begins with a "W" as well. I suppose I could distinguish myself from the other Sarah (with H) by signing off as "the non-English major Sarah" but again....this would be untrue....I was an English major, I just don't really know anything about grammar. So perhaps I can be "comma splicing, lover of elipses Sarah (with H) W. who just happens to have been an English major and is now a would-be lawyer who posts bad poetry"

I am gonna have to copy and paste that one in every time...but at least I know who I AM now...

(please note I am not suggesting that no other Sarahs post...I am merely teasing a bit)

have any of you read or practiced The Artist's Way? i highly recommend it to anyone with writer's block, stunted dreams or negative thoughts inhibiting your life's course. one of the fundamentals of the book is being able to let yourself write down all the garbage that collects in our heads daily, as to syphon out the bad. we have a tendency to keep it in there because we don't want to burden others or seem too self-indulgent. but it's oh so necessary to give your brain a sieve.

Hello everyone,
I know It's totally off the subject, but I have a question.....
My time is extremely limited and I hear about all of these classes... Tai Chi, Yoga, Pilates, it goes on and on. I don't know what would be the best. Now being a "mutt" (Aleut, Tlingit, Filipino and Irish yeah a long story... ;} )So, I was never taught anything "culturally". Both my parents are American born so they don't speak anything except English. A couple of my brothers and a sister learned a little karate. I always used the free weights. I haven't been doing much of anything lately. I always feel better when I get more exercise. I looked at the dance classes at the local community center (belly dancing looks fun). But, like I said I don't have much time at all so I would like some suggestions as to would be the best thing to do and would be fun too.......
Also, I thought about enrolling my youngest daughter in the tap or ballet classes. Is three years old too young?
So, if it would not be too much to ask could someone toss me some suggestions?

d: make time would be my biggest suggestion. you gotta slow down and breathe in all these classes you mentioned. yoga classes are typically an hour and a half, so, that may not suit you currently; though, i highly recommend it.

Hey Paul,
I came to this site b/c i loved ur work in "Joseph". Jesus loves you Paul.

Luv,
Dency

I had a dream about you the other night. Our family was in Australia on holiday and we were having dinner with you and your family. We were having a great time, but I really wanted to have time to speak with you alone. Then the next thing I knew, the quiet gathering had become a lively, crowded party and there was no hope of conversation.

Next day, I read your post. I just wanted to hug you and let you weep. So much pain and anger. So many thoughts and feelings with which I am too familiar. You were abandoned by people you trusted. People who were supposed to be there for you — to love you, teach you, protect you, comfort you, and give you a happy and healthy childhood. You are angry with them for letting you down and, I suspect, even more angry with yourself for “letting” that happen and for letting it continue in your life. If you’re like me, you’ve probably felt guilty for your resentment toward your parents and others. After all, good children don’t get angry with their parents. Good people don’t get angry with other people who make mistakes. And maybe we tell ourselves that we brought the bad treatment on ourselves because we lacked something. We weren’t good enough. We don’t know how to express our resentment in a healthy way and we can’t lash out. It’s not safe. They might leave us. So we turn the anger on ourselves. (Let all the Catholics — lapsed or otherwise— join me in pounding fist over heart: “Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.” My fault, my fault, my most grievous fault.)

Been there. Done that. I spent a lot of years trying to learn what was “normal.” Trying to fill in the gaps. I had an acting teacher at college who suggested that I needed gestalt therapy. I couldn’t afford a professional therapist, so I read the book Gestalt Therapy Verbatim. Great. Found out I had this Big Gaping HOLE in myself. Probably lots of little ones, too. But the Big Gaping HOLE grabbed my attention and I set about trying to find our what was missing and how to fill in the HOLE. Finally, at age 47 and after several years in and out of therapy, betrayals on my part and betrayals by others and some other Big missteps along the way, I put most of the pieces of this puzzle together. I wish I could tell you in fine detail exactly how I’ve done this, but even though we may struggle with the similar problems, we each reach the truth through different paths.

I always thought that other people had it together. Other people got it. They knew something I didn’t know. They had something I needed. I was deficient and furthermore, it was all my fault. I continued to look to other people for the answers. Some of them were more than happy to tell me that it was all my fault.

We’re supposed to grow up to be strong and assertive and creative and balanced, even as we’re taught the opposite through example. And then we wonder why we don’t have the tools to function healthfully in this world. Our parents, friends, lovers, spouses, and business partners behave like self-centered, irresponsible brats. We lose faith in them and because we’ve decided that they’re “better” than us and we’ve counted on them to show us the way, we feel lost and confused. We don’t know who they are and we sure as hell don’t know who we are.

Dr. Wayne Dyer says that his world changed when he found the ability to forgive his (deceased) father. I guess my world really began to change when I forgave my mother and my father, also after they’d passed on. I didn’t want to pass my problems on to my children and through parenting and various struggles, I started to understand what my parents had been through. When I could let them be fallible humans without needing to judge them, I could do the same for myself. I realized that I did have a choice as to whether I would continue to see my past as a ball and chain that I’d never be rid of or as a process that has made me a stronger, more confident, more courageous, more compassionate person. I looked in the mirror just the other day and for the first time in my life I saw the person I had always wanted to be. I looked the part. Not perfect—nothing near. Just me. And I didn’t find me because I’ve led a sheltered, carefree, painless life. I wish my parents had been able to experience this kind of peace and joy.

If none of this applies, please say so. But if it’s familiar, you might want to consider seeing a qualified therapist who can help guide you through the process. We all have to do our own self-work and you are on the path, but a trusted guide might help. For now, I’ll tell you what I just told my husband who is also going through another slump in his career: Take time out from evaluating yourself and pondering your future and spend some time just having FUN. PLAY. Let your body, mind and soul travel in new and different directions. (Oddly enough, when we plan a family vacation, my husband seems to get work offers. I’d say we have a 90% success rate with that method. You might try it.)

I’m trying to get answers for you about Judaism and the significance of numbers and Kabbalah and numerology. All I can tell you at this point is that the Hebrew language doesn’t contain separate symbols for numerals. As with Roman numerals, that are depicted by using alphabet (I, V, X, M, etc.) letters of the Hebrew aleph-bet are also used for numbers. So the letter pronounced “Chai” also stands for the number 18, which means life (“L’Chaim” means “To Life!”). And don’t worry about misspelling Hebrew words. I don’t know anyone at our temple who can agree on spellings. Hannuka?... Chanukah?... whatever!.Just make sure there’s plenty of good food and good conversation! ;))

So, L’Chaim! Hugs to you and your family!

Love,

Diane

P.S. I have a book by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun, titled The Places That Scare You. I have yet to read it, but the description touches on the issues of choice, freedom from fear, etc. that you’ve raised here. If you’d like a copy, just let me know and I’ll order one for you.y, 21 September

Diane, thank you for sharing your life process and journey here. So much wisdom and kindness! Lots of food for thought for me. This is actually something that generally draws me to this site. Back to thinking in my comfy space.

Love to all!
Evelyn

Damaris, first thing is to find/make some time other wise you will never do any of these fun activities. Once you have time try them all until you find yourself being drawn back to one of them - and then that will be the go. When I say try them all I mean have one - three lessons of each one, yoga, belly dancing, tai chi etc. Ask around too as the sort of person the teacher is will appeal or not. Count yourself lucky if in a year you have found the one and the time to commit to you for it.

As for three - yep too young for tap, if she wants to go to dance class enroll her in a fun dance for kids type class. My three daughters have started given up started given up and so on until they have come to an age that they decided what direction they wanted to go in. Two dance , one does drama, they all do music. My job was/is to support thier search - costly and time consuming but ohh such a joy.

Diane, I certainly agree that taking a break from being so introspective is vitally important - something Kay Lynne was pointing out not so long ago. I have certainly being quite introspective over the last few months. I have done various therapy sessions and always find them helpful but not always useful. I am thinking about doing a two day course which is devised and aimed at releasing and clearing all those negatives we have formed between the age of one and ten. This was one of the reasons for my betrayal rave - part of the core of what I am contemplating regarding me and my direction stems from those ten years: which I have then continually repeated as a life pattern - time to address that.

I would write more but Andrea has just poured me a cup of tea and a chocolate Tim Tam (biscuit)awaits. My daughters are also nearby nagging thier way to a turn on the computer and I believe I need to ice the cake thay made whilst I was relaxing here. I have already raced in and helped wash up. In the moment life is indeed grand!!!

hey paul and all
Paul you are the strongest man I know. To share how you are feeling with us is such an honour. I'm sure everyone agrees with me. Right? lol I know how you must feel with your father deserting you at such a young age. my father left me, my sister and my mum when i was only 2 months old and now my sisters married so its just me and my mum. Thank god I have her around because without her I don't know where I'd be. It all comes down to her!! love ya mum xoxoxox
As for that gang who bashed you? Bloody bastards
If I was there I would have saved you. lol
For the rest of the things about your friends and family?.........I don't know what to say
When I first read this i had a tear in my eye. To know what you were going through is so sad. You sound and look like a great person and I'm sorry for what you have been through. If we ever met I'm sure we would have alot in common with both our fathers deserting us at such a young age and other things especially.
Olga I especially agree with you, I don't know what to exactly say Paul although I know how you must feel about buring your brother. Remember when my friend died, well that will always be in my mind and heart. It takes alot of courage to bury the closet poeple to you and alot of people have that, especially YOU! Just always remember to keep on the positive side and let everyday lead you to new experiences.
Always have your chin up (Good work Sarah) hehehe
and take good care of yourself and your family (Mum,wife,daughters).
For now CHIAO BELLA!!!
Lots of hugs, kisses and pride
Vanessa

P.S I have to get back studying now. Finishing yr.12 at Pascoe Vale Girls (Melbourne) in 2 weeks. I'm so excited.
P.P.S Always have confidence and strengh in you.

I aslo forgot one other thing
"IM 18"
i finally got there. Now I can go out and party.
vanessa
keep smiling :)

Last night as I was falling asleep, I had all these phrases and words go through my mind that kept me awake, so I decided to write them down. Here is what I wrote:

Hitting the Wall

full speed I crash
battered, bruised, bleeding

crumbling
if only it was the wall
instead of me

feeling helpless, wounded and alone
I get up
shaken, shocked I stand

"What hit me?
"Where did this wall come from?
"Why did I not see it?"
I wonder
as I shake off the dust and dirt

every time I crash
—sometimes I stop in time—
the wall grows
becomes bigger

I run along it
like a caged tiger
angry about the enclosure

I try to climb it
jump over it
somehow reach its top
yet I fall down
with a loud thud

moving away from the wall
it shrinks
looses some of its might and terror

"Perhaps if I crash into it
often enough
it will crumble."

"But is it worth the pain?"

"Perhaps someday I will gain
enough speed
to leap and fly over it"

Abandoned in flight, free.

I'm pretty sure some of you will recognize thoughts and things you said here that went into this writing. I will step away and not try so hard, learn to let go and fly and enjoy doing it.

Here's something else by Arthur Miller, which seems fitting.
"The aim of life is to life,
and to live means to be aware,
joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely
aware."

Hello to all!!!

Ooh, Evelyn. Thanks for the Miller quote and your poem. Yes. Hitting walls can at least mean you're working, striving, living. Then, too we may become so accustomed to that slamming pattern that we fail to notice the door just to the side.

Mmm, tea and biscuits, warmth and love. My husband just brought me my first cup of coffee today and it's a beautiful, crisp Autumn Friday. We are managing to have our children in music and other lessons despite the ups and downs. We are truly blessed, are we not, Paul? Now you've got me curious about the approach taken by this two-day course. I hope you'll share with us what you've learned.

Happy Birthday, Vanessa. Best wishes on your finals!

Even as I enjoy this day and my life, I'm getting very worried about what's going on in our country. Antiwar rallies are being held as the Bush Administation continues to strong-arm Congress into giving him unprecedented rights to launch an attack on Iraq and our civil liberties are being stripped away. We're back to the 60s and a new Vietnam, coupled with the threat of a return to the McCarthy era. And now I'm the one with two boys who could be drafted into a neverending war within a few years. A time for prayer and action.

Love to you all,

Diane

I and a cube-mate here at work are two of the very few Americans who believe that the USA should NEVER be the aggressor in any war. If we're attacked or if we need to protect some smaller, weaker nation, that's one thing, but to be the one declaring war, we think it's wrong, wrong, wrong!!! We should be the ones showing the world that conflict is not the way to solve differences. Besides that, Iraq is about the size of Kentucky and our great huge nation is going to attack that small little country? I'll probably get a lot of flak for saying this, and I love my country so much I bleed red, white and blue, but our leader is barking up the wrong tree here. That dog won't hunt!

Paul, you wrote: "It is funny though, in shrugging off my annominity and baring my self to you, you hide yourselves yet also arm yourselves with knowledge and that makes me feel even more vulnerable." So I just wanted to tell you something about my father. I love him because he's my dad, but I don't LIKE him and I don't RESPECT him. He was abused as a child (physically, verbally, emotionally and psychologically). However, he was out of that environment by the time he was 20 years old. He's been married to my mother for 53 years and you'd think that 53 years of love and devotion from a wife and three children would more than make up for the 20 years of abuse that he suffered. Evidently, it doesn't, though, because most of the time he is a mean, hateful SOB. He treats my mother like dogs**t and has always treated us kids like he would as soon never had any of us. No matter what we did for him, it was never good enough, he could've done it better. I cannot tell you the number of times that I had childhood friends sleepover at my house only to have him belittle me in front of them to the point of my crying. I cannot tell you the number of times he told me that the only thing my head was good for was to hold my ears apart. And so on, ad infinitum. The end result has been a life lived (so far 52 years) with such an inferiority complex that until I was about 30, every time I heard someone laughing, I KNEW they were laughing AT me! My feelings were always worn on my shirtsleeves and I was always easily hurt.

Fortunately, I'm much better now than I was up until I was in my 30s. I've finally realized that, yes, I'm a worthy person and, yes, what I do in my life is good. For instance, I'm a helluva speller (my one claim to fame!!) and I also could be a very talented writer ... if I had the imagination to go with the words. Sigh...

Anyway, Paul, long story short (I know, too late!), we all have our crosses to bear. You're not alone, my friend, and while it may not help, know that many people do indeed LOVE YOU, whether you actually know them or not. What you do in your life brings much happiness and pleasure to people, and they respect what you do and how you do it. You're a class act, friend. Just keep on keepin' on.

With fondness, I remain,

a friend and fan

Thanks Diane.
i shall take your wishes with me

Pam, I completely agree. I think anyone who, since Sept.11th, is approving of Bush or not protesting all of the bullshite that's happened since then just because Bush said they were "unpatriotic" or "against us" are freaking pussies. First off, I consider myself one of the biggest patriots in the country right now because I exercise my constitutional rights and the first amendment. When we say we're gonna go attack a country before it's done anything just because they may have big guns and we don't agree with them it makes me think "then we should be cheering the people who attacked us, right?" We have the biggest guns, the most money and power, do the least for the world (without getting anything back from it), and you'd be hard-pressed to find an average American who can even find the continent that Iraq is on. So why are we not the first people to come down? We have a unique opportunity here to show the world we're above violence, money, politics and greed. Are we really so insecure that we think one little man in a turban is gonna bring the whole world down? No, we're not: we're greedy, and we're doing this so that Bush can keep his little war going for long enough to get re-elected and shred the constitution in the meantime. Did y'all know that since 9.11 we have been under the War Powers? Do you know what that means? The White House has every right to suspend constitutional government at will with no public notification; the Federal Emergency Management Agency is in control of over 40 government agencies (including the FBI, CIA, NSA, etc), and a full media-blackout is quite common. We aren't living in the US we knew a year ago. If you don't want to see the New World Order, i suggest reading up and speaking out now. And this affects everyone around the world, cuz where America goes, the world is dragged along. Read kids, read.

"DARE TO KNOW: Have the courage to use your own intelligence."
--Immanuel Kant

PS--is there some way we can leave our email addys for this and not get a bunch of spam because of it?

Oh, and by the way--to alleviate the Sarah Confusion, I'll post as Sarah(Uncle Peaches) from now on. I won't bore you with the story about this nickname unless you ask.

This is in response to "Sarah" regarding President Bush & his actions! I'm with you 100 percent! We used to pride ourselves on not being "war mongers" but he is throwing that right out the window! Hopefully God will continue to "bless America" - otherwise -- we're all in serious trouble.

Wanda

Diane, thanks again for your kind words! The thought of the door in the wall also occured to me the morning after I wrote this poem about hitting walls. There is of course a funny element in that as well, which occured to me later in the day, namely that in writing this poem (I think the fourth in my life! 2 of them in the last 2 months and another taking shape in my head) I caused the wall "I can't write poetry" that I had erected to crumble ... go figures! =)

And to those of you who have voiced their concern about the looming war pontential, I'm with you and in some way proud of you-sounds weird, I know, but I'm surrounded by a few too many people who don't question this government. I also found it interesting that you referred to your objections as being patriotic. I have felt rather uncomfortable with the display of "American patriotism" since Sept. 11, but also more in general, because I don't understand it (For those of you who don't know this, I'm German, living in the US though). But it seems to me that you refered to something else than the public display so often seen.

Wishing us all peace, individually, collectively, globably.

Another oxymoron - fighting for peace! What about peacefully fighting?

When the toughest, strongest kid in the playground makes all the other kids do his bidding, play the ways and games he wants and uses his strengths to enforce his will that is called bullying. I am aware in most progressive society's they are trying to stamp bullying out of schools and society at large. They recognise it for it's anti social negative influence on human kind.

Evelyn, my image on reading your poem was immediately of the door immediately to the right of where I often crash into the wall and then also of that one brick that the entire wall is precariously built/balanced upon - pull it out and the whole wall comes tumbling down. I dare you :)

Now I am getting confused with the Sarah/Sara/ Sarah W H/Sarah uncle Peaches and Sarah, lover of elipses Sarah (with H) W. who just happens to have been an English major and is now a would-be lawyer who posts bad poetry"

Wow, war and fighting.... it's a lot to think about. Offhand, I think in the United States people take for granted to a certain extent our freedom. We wake up and go about our day without giving many things a second thought. But, to go into more discusion I would need to think more...
I "took some time off". Two of my sisters came to visit. I was busy cooking in the kitchen and my husband took care of the barbecue. All ( I mean All as in a lot) of the kids got to play together. I felt bad for my husband because he didn't have anyone to "hang out" with - my brother-in-laws didn't come. But, he more than likely will visit with his parents tomorrow. He usually does on Sundays. I also didn't pick up any extra shifts at the hospital. Visiting with family is a very good tonic for your soul!
So, I hope everyone is well, and I will come back another day to see what else is being discussed.
:)

Paul--now you know the pain of my whole life! I never got to be the only "Sarah" in any group, which I'm sure the other Sarahs identify with. I, Uncle Peaches, am one of the former-English-major Sarahs, but not the one becoming a lawyer. I'm the one who just came in last week and left that big ol' post from the guestbook. And the recent big ol' post rambling about how much Bush sucks and such. So yeah, that's me.

And to add to the poetry collection, I'll post something I wrote years ago about a specific person but which applies to Bush and what Paul was saying about about bullies and all that very much. Same story, different characters.

"Have you ever felt yourself
staring down the barrel
of Karma, threefold
Serious as a heart attack
not nearly as pleasurable
Haunting visions
memories
of what you used to be
How deeply disgusted
one can feel with themselves
how easy
to see your faults
when you're looking
at life
FROM ALL ANGLES

But how easy
to overlook your ignorance
and disreguard for reality
when you're looking
down the barrel of
Judgement
on the trigger-holding side
and looking for
the next thing that moves
to manipulate for your own
self-serving
attitude"

It is my belief that G-Dub (Pres. Bush) is trying to make his name for the history books as the hot dog who took down a megalomaniacal madman in the Middle East. Add to that the fact that we'll be going through elections next year, and you've got the perfect "excuse" for waging war in over there. Remember last year when G-Dub said he wouldn't rest "until we get Osama Bin Laden"? Well, when it proved to hard to get Osama, he decided to go after Saddam instead, because he pretty much knows where Saddam is located. I think all of us who believe that war is NOT the answer need to stand together this coming year and vote Bush out of office. For any of you Floridians out there, we need to vote his baby brother out of the governor's office, too. I'm a state employee at the University of Florida and I can tell you all right now that Jebby has screwed all of us state workers to the friggin' wall and he hasn't even kissed us!!! So what do you say about a Bush-free America!!!???

Pam, I say "Amen", to that. Jeb has ruined my home state and his brother is about to bring down this country. First though, we've got to vote next month and make sure Dubya doesn't get to keep the House and take control of the Senate. Even the Republican who was mainly responsible for creating the War Powers Resolution says that Bush should not have the power the current Congress might give him and if the next Congress is controlled by the same Republican mentality, Dubya will been given anything he wants on a silver platter.

I wish I could convince my two brothers who live in South Florida of this, but they're both staunch Republicans and they can't see how their party has been corrupted over the past three decades.

Hey, Damaris. I'm glad you had such a refreshing time with your family. It's important to get together with those people close to you (family or friends) on a regular basis. Too easy to forget that when we get caught up in the day-to-day whirl.

Evelyn, I have that same fear-of-writing-poetry wall or at least I did when I read the last round of poetry on this site. I was asscccaaared! :0 Silly me. You've inspired me to pull out that one brick as Paul suggested. (Hmmm, Dhiana, you want a poety round robin. I've gotta get crackin' for that.)

Thanks again for all the great posts and to Paul and Cat for the forum!!!

Paul,
Well, ya got me.
I have read much here, but posted only once.
I read your list, and teared up.
Accept a cyber-hug, please.
Kahlil Gibran said something about the more pain has gouged us, the more joy can fill us.
I don't think pain is necessary to feel joy, but it might make it sweeter.
I appreciate every bit of fun/love/pleasure that comes my way...to hold as a shield/balm against the inevitable bad times.
And friendship and human connection is as powerful a force as I have seen.
You as a performer and a man have given us a gift of your talent and openess, and I thank you.
To quote Scott Stapp of Creed, "...Divided is the one who dances, for the soul is so exposed..."
Please know we appreciate you for your honesty, and I hope you feel the affection and support of all of us worldwide you have touched.
Sleep sweet.

Hmm, Paul, which wall should I collapse next???? I'm writing this with a very big smile on my face, just thought you should know that, since it is not a comment of despair. I will accept your dare, Paul :) I did collapse another writing related wall last week and that was the thesis-related writer's block (hate that one!!!) and just half an hour ago finally finished another chapter that I've struggled with for 2 months and most of it happened during two very productive afternoons and evenings. Love when that happens!!! but a lot had to do with letting go, giving up control and enjoying it. I guess all the creative "pleasure" writing exercises of the last month are paying off, as is the letting go practise.

I think among the next set of walls to collapse will have to be my fears re. the academic job application process. Haven't looked at the job postings yet (even though they've been posted since Sept. 20, will do it tomorrow, now that I'm done with this chapter I can fully focus on it, was a deal I made with myself to get the writing done, it worked!), but I already know there are several ones out there and I need this "go-for-it" attitude to make it, even though I really don't like having to "market" myself in the way I need to or am expected to. Not quite sure how to find that balance between being myself and these expectations. Working myself towards the "I'm going to kick ass" attitude :) and will do my best, anything else is out of my control, but convincing my emotions of that--another story.

Diane, how's your pulling the one brick out going?
I need to go sleep now, since I have to be up in about 6 hours again, but still feel way to happy and excited to go to sleep... I could always continue with my water fountain drawing that I worked on this weekend. Why is water so tough to draw?

To the Uncle Peaches Sarah....

What is most disturbing about your posts for me is not the name thing...but the fact that when I read them they sound to me very much like something I WOULD post...I agree with just about everything you have posted....(Bush and his re-election campaign/war...etc.) My brother is in the Army and is basically the first to go if we invade Iraq.....I do not, however, tend to participate in debates about the subject....I get too emotionally involved...your rhetoric is disturbingly familiar, I must say....

to further alleviate the name confusion, I will post as "Sadie" from now on....

Paul and all....to be perfectly CLEAR......THE WOULD BE LAWYER ENGLISH MAJOR....YADDA YADDA, IS NO LONGER POSTING AS "SARAH" BUT AS "SADIE"

to Sarah Uncle Peaches and Sara (with no H), I applied to a certain all-female college (a number of years ago) and I later learned that there were 14 other girls with my first, middle and last name that also applied that year....(there were only about 1,000 applicants overall). Oh, woe is us....Sara/Sarah is such a popular name....I suppose we could have been Jennifers...I remain,

most sincerely,
Sarah/Sadie

Paul, you are more human than most. Most of us are scared to dig that deep into our soul and not only acknowledge what we find but tell others.

Hello everyone
Phew as usual. It feels like there’s nothing that hasn’t been said. Not that that will stop me – I don’t like to read and then not post anything. It feels such bad manners
Paul, Thank You for being honest. And in return I’ll tell you that I found this website after watching SB and I know (or seem to remember) you have mixed feelings about that film now, so I feel a bit embarrassed for “coming clean”, but like Sarah (U.P) the film really meant a lot to me at the time, as does this website now. It’s made a big difference to my life having somewhere to share things I feel and think and where I can listen to everyone else, and it’s made me a lot happier - and happier is GOOD!
And also I’d like to say a Big Thank You to Diane, Pam and Uncle Peaches about their comments on the Bush/War scenario. It’s reassuring to know there are some thinking, aware people in the US who aren’t blindly following Bush. Of course, here in Britain we have our own Tony Blair and of course we’re all backing him up 100 % – NOT
And photos, that’d be great!. I’d love to actually meet you guys in the flesh, as it were. But poetry! Yuck! Can’t do it!. Oh all right, if I have to. But it will be extrordinarily bad.
Oh, and finally I’d like to compliment UP as well on her beautiful spelling (sorry I can’t do the same to you, Paul, yours is appalling).
Lots of love and best wishes to all
Lesley
P.S I’m off on Thursday for a two week holiday with all the ‘S’s – sun, sea and SLEEP! God, I hate flying. Just gotta remember – the pilot knows what he’s doing, the pilot knows what he's doing ....
See you on the 24th!
I’ll miss you guys! x x

Lesley---
I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Of all the compliments I've gotten in my life, no one has ever complimented my spelling, and I pride myself on it! Right-freaking-on!

Paul, a few hours too late/later, but I was rather tired. I should of course have dared you to break down some of your own walls, so here it is: I dare you to do collapse some of your own walls! Will you accept that challenge? :)

Dhiana here (I won't superimpose any other names or personality flaws or would be's or wants, 'cause then I'll forget what I wanted to say on the zillion other topics...)

Ok, Paul first:
On the titles from the "possibilities" thing--you are a true gentleman for not commenting on the graphic titles that I just spewed out onto the page...although I'd like to hear them someday, I think! ;-) Uh, yah, they were referencing what you were referencing I am almost certain. What's that phrase about hogs will always find the same wallow or something? I'm sure there's a nice way to put that too, but what the hell. I'm in the gutter, I may as well act as the gutter snipe, eh?

I think it was Damaris who was looking for excercise with her daughter? I'd do the belly dancing thing, 'cause that would be fun for both of you, although the main purpose/history ofthe dance might bore her. But she'd benefit from it anyway.

Politics and Sex - My mother paid $150/ticket to sit at a dinner in the presence of Jeb Bush. But she's born of the old fifties mentality that the "President is our Friend, he wants what is best for us" bullship. (The reason I said "sex" in the catch line above was because while at that dinner, my very svelt and sexy-lady Mom was approached to go to an afterhours "more quiet" reception in the hotel's suite after the dinner party/speeches. Some guy walking around with an earpiece and microphone asked her. Her response? "You wish!" hahahahaa...that's my girl!

I have been having an absolutely, notoriously epiphenous few days (when my husband was away in the Adirondacks hiking for school--on our anniversary--(and ex-lawyer Sarah/Sadie, before you freak, (not legally, just 'cuase I know you'd have something to say about that!) know that he DID make it up to me...(evil grin)) ;-) but I am waiting to get a few more facts in order before I present it here. It's VERY weird, as it usually is when he is not in the house for several days at a time and I find myself reading interesting things and having, shall we say "interesting" experiences that I used to pawn off as coincidence. Plus I am unsure of how it relates, or if it does to Paul and you guys. Suffice it to say that I don't believe in coincidence anymore. At all. It's just a word humans have made up to explain a pattern or event that they just don't recognize...yet.

Ok, could I be any more vague? No. So I'll leave now.

poof!
(Dhiana)

PS. Lesley, right ON sister, about Paul's spelling. Good thing he's so cute. Cute PERSONALITY of course...geez, perverts. ;-)

you

dhiana: hey, perverts have feelings, too. ;)

I only have one simple comment this time. People never confuse me with anyone, I am ALWAYS the only Innussiq in any group. I used to think it was lonely being Innussiq among the Lindas and the Michelles and the Saras (or sarahs as the case maybe), but now I think it may be a blessing.

peace.

Firstly, We in Australia do in fact spell things differently to you in the good ol US of A!! Secondly as an emotionally sort of guy I feel my words rather than spell them - right now I'm feeling rather bad about my spelling, mind you my wife agree's BUT I didnt think I was that Bad!~!!

I have started writing with a dictionary on my desk so hopefully I can improve on my performance. Could this be the wall I need to break down - my spelling bee wall?? On that note I kinda feel a lot of my posts are in fact wall breakers. They seem that way to me and I certainly plan to continue pulling down the walls.

How bout this - you choose - my dancing or my spelling??

:)!!

Paul: Post whatever you like, on whatever subject you choose. Those of us who are spellers can decipher the message and those who are in your spelling class will understand perfectly what you are trying to get across. I chalk a lot of the mispells to fingers on wrong keys. I catch myself doing that a lot, specially at work, thank goodness for spell check.
My MIL has ADD and I find when she is in an emotional state, her spelling goes out the window.
I've learned to read more into the meaning of the text rather than it's spelling, if it is really bad then I have to get DH to translate. She is a lefty and a nurse, so her handwriting is a lot like deciphering a code. Very hard, even for her own sons.
Keep writing, use the dictionary if it makes you feel more comfortable. We'll love you anyway.
Take care, hope this finds you in a better spirit.
Love to you and your loving family.
Sherrlyn

Innussiq, I think your name is beautiful. Sara(h) is a lovely name, too; but very popular. My oldest is named Geoffrey. Call me sadistic ;) We can only find nametags, keychains and other items bearing his name in England and Australia. Ah yes, it's time for another trip abroad!

Sadie, daaahling... You're an "ex" would-be lawyer? Does that mean you're no longer a would-be, but actually praticing, or that you've given up law? Help me. I'm 48 and I didn't sleep well last night.

Dhiana, there's a great book on synchronicity by Robert H. Hopcke called There Are No Accidents. Fascinating, isn't it, to watch things unfold.

Evelyn, I'm working on that poetry. So far, I've critiqued and censored every word and phrase. (Well, it is a BIG wall.)

Welcome, Auset! And thanks, Texas, for standing up for perverts. Uh... not that I... uh... am one, mind you;)))

(Move over, all you youngsters, this is Grandma Mildred, putting in her two cents!)

Paul, Lesley had to almost apologize for bringing up the topic of "Strictly Ballroom"...isn't that the reason for this website in the first place, and isn't that the tie that binds us together, after all?

Mr. Bush stated in his major address the other night, that "America will not live in fear!" Then, with the horrible sniper shootings around Washington DC the police talk about people "living in fear" and so it goes these days.

In Israel, our eldest daughter and her family are cautious, resigned, but do not "live in fear." They try to live their lives in spite of the terror and hate around them.

My point is, Paul, that "Strictly Ballroom" should be used as a teaching tool in every school, with its message of "A life lived in fear is a life half-lived" for it is true. That film should continue to be celebrated, not only because of your outstanding performance, but because of its message of determination and being true to one's self in the light of overwhelming odds. Also, it inspired many to become dancers.

I may have mentioned it before, but on the website www.teachwithmovies.org "Strictly Ballroom" is highly touted for children above 8 years old because of the messages it conveys. Just
go to alphabetical order and click "S".

We cannot dismiss SB if we wanted to! The critics on reviewing the new DVD, call it outstanding, visually stunning, with outstanding performances, magnificent dancing and a poignant and sweet love story.

The critics state that SB is the best of Baz's Red Curtain trilogy because "you kept it simpler and danced from the heart." (Fran)

Baz's newest opera, "La Boheme", is on a six week performance schedule on the stage of the Curran Theatre in San Francisco. Then, it comes to the Broadway stage in November for its grand opening!

Should it be successful, Baz has stated that his next Broadway show will be "Strictly Ballroom"! Now, with all of this going on, how can we possible hide our love, pride and loyalty?

Love,
Grandma

Paul.....don't worry about the spelling....you are an effective communicator, 'nuff said.

Diane, I am an ex-would be lawyer b/c I have my degree, I took the bar exam (part of the reason why my summer was so stinky), but am NOT practicing...I am doing something entirely different (I am now a fund raiser for a college). I like it very much and do not regret law school or not practicing....I referred to myself in those terms mainly because some of my older posts referred to my troubles as a law student....it is just something meant to be a flag to those who remember...

love to you all,
Sadie

(I always wanted a nickname and I love the Beatles....I never wanted to be Sally and there so few Saidies out there....for all you "Preppy Handbook" fans, I could have been Topsy.....)

Now, Paul, don't tease us, ya big meanie...your dancing or your spelling. Hrmph.

SHUT UP AND DANCE, Hotstuff!

aHAHAHAHahaaahaaahahahaa...

The Prevert,
Dhiana

p: the dancing got me here (well, the dancing and a vivid imagination), but the spelling and the stuff inbetween the letters keeps me coming back.

:)

Paul,

All I'm adding here it "Ditto" to Texas!

:)>>

Hello, Paul.

I have exciting news to tell you. I going to California in a few weeks. My uncle Joel lives in Coronado. I haven't seen him since I was 4. That's about 19 years. I'll tell you how it went when I come back.

Sara

Hey kids, just wanted to let y'all know that if any of you play the Sims, I have a bunch of SB and Paul game picture-objects (.iffs) on my site you can download. If you don't play the Sims, you'll be confused as hell by this, so just ignore it. The link is: http://sims.weiwuwei.org
Some Van Goghs, too. I'll probably be putting a whole Paul and Baz tribute section somewhere on my site, so stay tuned--just get her up-and-running on monday. And no, this isn't shameless site-promotion, I just thought other Sims addicts would enjoy some nice game files.

Sarah

**DUDE, WHERE'S MY MASTER?***

I once heard a story, which I’ve told many times since, about a Buddhist monk who had come to the point in his life where he needed to seek out his master. For years, he searched the valleys and the hills, never pausing in his quest, until one day he decided to climb a mountain he’d been on many times before. I don’t know why, exactly; maybe he left a sandal up there or something. Anyways, so he climbs this crazy mountain, right, and he gets to the top, expecting to find only the same magnificent view he’s seen so many times, but he gets to the top and he sees this old man sitting on the edge of it, and he knows right away, dude—this is my master! So he goes up to the old guy and he’s expecting to give some big long spiel about how long he’s searched and how he’s ready to accept the gifts and answers of the universe, but the old man beats him to the first word, and without turning he says, “I know why you have come. You are seeking an answer to the mystery of the universe.” And so, of course, the monk says, “well, yeah, as a matter of fact, I am. Do you have it for me, master?” And the old man takes a good long look at the green valley below and the sky above, and he says, “Today is a fine day.”

Paul, now I feel bad about my previous comment, since I didn't mean to imply at all that you don't pull down walls. That is rather obvious to me that you do that, but I really didn't mean to step on your toes or emotions (or whatever) and thus I apologize.
By the way, I like you non-American English spelling. I first learnt to spell in English according to British English norms, but then I had to change when I landed in the US. Perhaps one day I will go back to BE spelling, since I prefer it, and lets not even get into punctuation, I never get those rules, they make no sense to me at all and I think I "suck" at it. I can do German punctuation (mostly....) :-)

Okay, before I say anything else I will regret later I will stop now. Got to run anyway. This is a very busy, hectic but totally good week and on top of it all, I get to teach a class on Friday in my friend's course at another college and I'm enjoying all these non-conventional ideas as to how to teach this material that are currently whirling through my head. :)

Diane, sometimes stepping away from what you wrote for a few days, weeks, months helps me when I am my worst critic of my writing and I usually am--and later when I look at it again, I am often surprised that that was me who actually wrote this and I get very excited about it. Know what I mean?

Okay, back to my hectic world (better this way than being bored out of my mind :-))

sup: thanx for "today is a fine day."

Hello everyone
Everyone seems to be in such good moods! I think only a "true man" can admit he needs a dictionary on his desk.... :)! ha ha Is that anything like a man stopping to ask for directions?! :) just joking.... :)!
Just to show you how retarded I am; as I read the story of the man climbing up the hill, instead of asking for truth, I thought he was going to ask for the sandal that he lost! :)!
Anyways hope these happy vibes stay around!

Ok, now I want a T-shirt with "**DUDE, WHERE'S MY MASTER?**" on the front and "Today is a fine day." on the back.

Only a select few would "get it", but hey, who cares?

Dhi*

Dhiana--
Thank you, thank you, my days are filled with cycnicism and websurfing, so stories like that one abound in my head. I didn't write the story, but I did add the "Dude, where's my master" bit. What can I say, seeing Paul's pic (the wife-beater shirt one on the main page, whoooo!) inspires me. And Paul, this should make you feel extra good--cuz besides the guy I'm with right now and Ewan McGregor, you're the only guy in the world who lights my fire (I like chicks). And you were stokin' my embers before the two of them, so feel even more special! I think it's the combo of your face, your dance and the fact that you do plumbing to provide for your family---that's the sexiest thing of all. Just thought it might make you smile.
:)

Thanks for not tearing me apart re my spelling and the childish behaviour re: choosing dance or spelling!! The child part of me was miffed that you agreed with me that my spelling is not so hot - where we would we be without blogging and friends to laugh at and with you.

MMMMM.... I thought perhaps finding the sandal my have been the key to enlightenment or the key to the master. Just goes to show how each of us look, interpret and search in our own intimately different ways. It is true though - today is a fine day.

Thankyou Sadie - to communicate effectively is priority number one - I will remember that when I start to feel less confident re my spelling.

Just arrived home after filming my last episode of Body and Souls so I am officially unemployed again!! I'm not worried at the moment, I may worry later, I am off to go race a car in a five day rally through Adelaide should be a lot of fun. I am driving for the Lukemia Foundation, give them some PR etc Perhaps when I come back I will go climb a mountain and see what I discover!?

Exciting isnt it!!

Paul---
Wow, you know, when I first heard the story (from a chick back when I was 15, we went on a rock climbing trip together) it was very simple and short. As I've told it, kind of like folk tales, it's taken on its own personality, and the sandal bit I just added in a moment of schizophrenic self-delusion (the delusion that I'm funny, heh heh heh). But that's one of the best parts of my life, having this innate ability for armchair psychology, and seeing how such little things can say so much. I don't know you, so I couldn't begin to take an educated guess about what your interpretation means, but it makes me ask "Is he searching for something he feels he lost? Is his subconcious telling him to go back to somehwre he's been many times to confront some wall (not a geographical place, obviously)?" But maybe I just watch too much Oprah.
By the way, I was listening to the radio, and I heard an ad for a "new tv show, 'body and soul' on PAX TV" and they said it was something about "when modern medicine meets ancient healing" or something. Same show?

I've been to this site a couple of times before and have been quite impressed that this "pretty boy" dancer had brains and insight to match his talent.

You won't be pleased to hear that on your last comment in the "corner" I wanted to somehow reach through the screen and slap your face and scream "snap out of it" in the fashion of Cher in Moonstruck. I'm sure your life has been hell at times, but many of us have gone through hell without the benefit of:
- a loving spouse
- healthy, happy, LIVING, children
- great health
- talent beyond measure
- achieving some success in our "dream job"

I could probably drone on forever but the fact is, self pity is a destructive thing. I'm glad I ventured into these comments so I could read your follow ups to realize that you did eventually snap out of it. Everyday I thank God for the things I have, not complain about what I don't have.

You do have a spiritual insight and a book of some sort my be a good medium for you. Be careful not to let the mood of the world sub conscientiously drag you down.

I thought you might appreciate a view point that was honest and sincere and not aimed at impressing you.

Michelle - Nova Scotia

The Self-Appointed Binky that I am (that's a pacifier to some who haven't been around small children for any length of time):

Just thought I'd post quickly before anyone's "protective instincts" got the better of them, so that they reacted with an EMOTIONAL, and perhaps derogatory manner to the post above from Michelle.

I'm glad I'm impressing Paul, and yes, it IS a wonderful thing, this world, because I'M in it and so is he and everyone else here, including those who just dropped in, teaching us obvious lessons about "friendship."

Friends soothe, friends commiserate. Friends rack hell for each other over spelling and dancing. Friends don't let others speak ill of them without calling them on it. "Impress Paul"...we're all making impressions on each other, good and bad.

Peace and Love to Michelle in the gorgeous land of NS, where they breed some KICK-butt musicians!

Passively yours,
Dhiana
Dhiana

Hi everyone,
I have to take some time out this weekend to actually read this thread. I'm completely lost with some of the references going on. Oh well! Looking forward to it though! Just as much as I'm excited about the opening ballet performance tonight (first time I ever got myself season tickets couldn't decide which ones to choose, so I chose them all, yeah me!!!!)

Paul, good luck with the racing. I like driving fast and I mean fast (preferred cruising speed on the highway: close to 200 kmh [back home where it is legal !!!], but not through tight bends and curves as I imagine you will do this weekend. don't hit something unintentionally...

Now I have to grab some food, so that I don't faint while teaching this class. I'm totally excited about this and am going to enjoy every second of it, however many there are in 60 minutes. ;-)

Excitedly yours,
Evelyn

i dig the way that at the beginning of this thread we were all venting out the bad, and it has since cleared the way for some fun.

car racing, too?? hott hott hott.

carolina shag and waltz classes have been great this month. nothing like dance to relieve stress (okay, maybe there's one more thing better).

speaking of dancing, you USA cats checked the TV sked lately? SB is on Bravo several times this month starting tonite at 8 EST.

have a good weekend all.

Texas---
Carolina shag? Wierd, I live in South Carolina (and if you don't shag down here, they line you up and shoot you for being a communist). Right on, love those kinds of dances you can do while really, really drunk.
And I was thinking about putting up a sort of sister-message board for this site, seeing as the threads eventually disappear and all our crazy posts do too....and I imagine the bandwidth on this site must be astronomical. I finally got my php board up on the sql server, and it's really nice looking (plus no spam when you post your email), so if y'all want i could put one up immediately, but I wanted to ask your opinions first and especially Cat's opinion, cuz I don't want to step on anyone's toes or offend anyone or anything. So yeah, let me know, and if you want to preview the board, it's at http://treehouse.weiwuwei.org

And in response to Michelle, I just wanted to say that yeah, we all fawn over Paul, I think because we all went head-over-heels for him in a respect sort of way when we saw him in a movie or something and then came here and found out he's not some conceited star living in LA with "no time" for his fans or to be a real person. I think we're all very impressed by the fact that he has the balls to get on here and disassemble the image so many people may have of him just because his face was on our TV screen, and so as when you meet anyone who impresses you, you want to impress them back. Unless you're one of those people who feels they're so cool they'll never need human interaction, so they end up leaving people VERY unimpressed (especially by their conduct). I, too, have big problems---my little brother could die any day from Sclerosing Choliangitus (i probably spelled that wrong) and Crones disease and I'm freaking schizo. But I understand what it's like to just need to wallow in yourself for a while, cuz at least while you're in there, you can take a look at yourself all around you, and understand yourself better so as to make it better. If you go through life denying that anything affects you or anything just plain sucks, you're living a pretty superficial life. And I applaud his honest with the stuff that sucks, cuz it tells me he'll be honest with the stuff that rocks. And besides, this was never a contest, this is PAUL'S CORNER where he gets to be whomever he feels like being at that moment. When you start a weblog and can be this honest, then we'll see. I think if your name was at the top of this blog, we'd give you the same respect we give him. Try it, it's a good thing: respect will get you far in life.

Not much to say...what is there to say?? Not often one reveals such inner thoughts, not to mention on the net to strangers. Perhaps its easier that way. I hope this helped, you have talent and depth even beyond your own comprehension, rejoice in it!

Hi all. A misplaced Aussie here, writing from central Virginia. My first visit to this site, stemming from stumbling across Strictly Ballroom (which I first saw in a theater back in 1992 the week before I got married!) on cable this evening.

Paul - you quite amaze me. You are so incredibly open & honest about your feelings in these commentaries you've written. Thank you for that. It perhaps, in a way, helps me understand my husband better (who is currently waiting for the company he works for to close down & watching people getting laid off week in & week out). He barely discusses it with me, let alone anyone who comes along & reads a website.

I'll be back to visit often. Thank you again.

Kathy

(ps - but mentioning tim tams is just cruel! :D )

Hi again,

Well, let me just say I've been respectfully put in my place.

Paul, you've got some really cool fans out there. It must be a testament to the kind of fellow you are.

I too, admire your talents. As a matter of fact, I stayed up late the night before last because the late show said "Paul Mercurio is going to be on". Thus my first introduction to that disappointing comic. Boy did I feel robbed. That's what provoked me to come to the site again.

I realize now my comments were influenced by the fact that I was watching the news about all the horrific current events, especially that demon sniper in DC and Virginia. My husband is currently on a business trip in Virginia and needless to say I am scared. I suppose I was as guilty for wallowing in self pity as I accused you to be.

I am clearer now and I am humbled by the responses my comment has generated.

I wish the best of luck to you in your career. I certainly would enjoy seeing you on the screen again, big or small.

Sincerely,

Michelle - Nova Scotia

Michelle,
Right on, sister! You're good people. I absolutely adore people who are honest enough to apologize or come back later and clear things up. You rock!
My mom lives in VA also, in Roanoke, which is pretty far away from DC but I worry about her still. This guy is very scary---I personally think he's ex-military or ex-FBI or something---he's too damn good of a marksman. Must be very scary living there right now.
Oh, and a note on apologies (just came to my mind); one of the best pieces of advice my best friend ever gave me was to never say "I'm sorry" because you're really not a sorry person (hopefully) and it's not really apologizing; always say "I apologize" and it has a lot more impact. Pretty wise, eh? She's the greatest.
Sarah

Wow! what an agry little hottie you are! I just surfed the web a bit because Strictly Ballroom is running on TV and in the break to commercial some announcer said something to the effect of "Can you beleive neither star had previuos ballroom dance experience - one was a ballet dancer and one had no dance background?" But they didn't specify which one was which. Obviuosly I thought it was you that had the dance background but wanted to make certain.

Regardless, loved your Oct 2002 "tell-all tirade" and felt compelled to write something because of your comments about everyone knowing something about you but remaining anonymous themselves. I would tell you about me if it makes you feel better and less exposed, but you could probably care less. I sahre a similar sense of negativity...in fact my favorite quote is "Nobody Counts, Nobody Cares"...twisted from a mug I have that says "Everybody Counts, Everybody Cares."

Enough drivel...

I think you should work your butt off trying to get into another Hollywood movie because you're such a hottie!

Dear Paul,

It is with a heavy heart that I write this to you to send all Australians our condolences on the loss of your innocent young countrymen in the terror attack in Indonesia.

I feel so sorry for all the grieving families. This world is at the mercy of those who hate, who have no compassion, would kill the innocent just to make a sick point with their hatred and warped idiology.

With a daughter, grandchildren, and great grandchildren living in Israel, we know the pain and every day uncertainties of a world gone mad.

The events of 9/11 was a horrible example, and now the evil permeates other countries who lived in the false premise that "it can't happen here."

I subscribe to the Sydney Morning Herald, just for the "Entertainment" section, but first one has to go to the front page, and it pained me to read how this newspaper constantly bashed Isreal for striking out in self defense against the suicide bombers and those that give them aid and comfort. I am sure that today your great country is ready to do the same.

Peace and love, Paul.

Hello, Michelle and welcome! To echo others on the subject of our responses to Paul... we may seem to coddle more often than not, but I think most of the time we recognize Paul's "rants" as venting. It seems to me that Paul has made it clear that he generally loves his life and appreciates what he has. But, yes, I recognize the "snap out of it" slap reflex. I've felt the urge to respond to people that way on occasion, but not too often. The people who really need it are the people who can't stop complaining. Unfortunately, from my experience, they are the very people don't know how to snap out of it.

Uncle Peaches... Huh? I don't know the lingo so I'm not sure what you are proposing about that sister site. Is it a place to visit to re-read older posts. I apologize for my computer illiteracy.

My thoughts are prayers go out to everyone in the D.C. area with this madman on the loose.

Gidday Michelle, welcome to the site and thanks for your two posts. The first post made me think about how I express myself and whether I am too negative or whiney. I felt your comments where fair although more like a critic from someone who started reading a book from the halfway point - and as it is not yet finished no final comment can be made.

I would hate to think that I pity myself!!! Woa, not a good or attractive thought. As I have said in other posts - can you guys go back and read the other posts? - I choose the life I have. The purpose of this site is to vent, scrutinize, laugh at, cry with, share, so we may grow and be better human beings. And as Sarah Uncle Peaches said it is Pauls Corner, this is where I dump my stuff, it is my space to intimately explore me - all of me - I try not to fear being too happy or too sad, I try just to be honest with me about me for me. I have some friends who dont get how I could write as I do and have it out there for people to read - well I say to them as I nourish myself hopefully I nourish others.

Welcome Lisa also, thankyou for sharing your thoughts. There is no doubt that every one reading your words are thankful that you cared enough to write them. I am sure also that all of us care about you and your thoughts, we may never meet, we may never read your/my/our writings but I think that we care and are thankful that for a moment we crossed paths and added to the experience of our lifes.

Whilst I may explore my own negativity about situations I dont think I have a negative view of the world. Over all I would say I have a positive view of the world.

To Kathy I can only say two things - Welcome and TIM TAM :)

As for Bali........... What can any one say? There are too many people, innocent people dying in many country's in the world for no reason. Dying because someone hates someone else and for no good reason. All we have to do is stop hating each other for our differences - embrace those differences, celebrate them, see the light in all people and in our selves. Why is that so hard?

Peace and love to all.

Fair enough Paul. I'm clued in. I understand that this is your corner and your objectives for it. I'm glad you are so open to your fans, and applaud your courage for "baring your soul".

I have read your other posts, and your optimism and outlook on life usually really hit home with me. I guess that's why the latest post caught me off guard. I suppose we all deserve our down moments.

I was discussing you recently with another "fan". We were discussing forums in which you might be successful (more financially than artistic)in showcasing your many talents.

My words exactly where:

"Strictly from a money making point of view, I think he should do a Tai Chi or health video. He could pull off an infomercial with class and really hit the market running"

Billy Blanks and Tony Little have nothing on you. And you could bring these infomercials and video to a higher level. This could also help finance a production company to vehicle your own movies or for movies by upcoming talents in Australia.

Just a thought. Thought I'd share. That's what this is here for right? Take care and thanks for responding.

Michelle - Nova Scotia

Hello everyone,
I felt very saddened to hear of Bali. On our last rounds at work we turn on the world news and talk about what is going on. It's so terrible that it seems it never ends....
As for venting; I think we all do it. We all have moments of vexation. Theres a time and place for everything. If there are things inside you that you need to talk, complain, or "whine" about then you just have to let it out. If you bottle it up inside it will just "eat" you up and that's not healthy. I know I will keep things inside and then when I get so frustrated I just explode. My husband usually says, "Where in the hell did that come from?"
As for putting it all out there for all of us to see; sometimes you need to see it in black and white. Psychologist( psy or pys ? had to look at the dictionary :) ) say if something is bothering you to write it down or in some extreme cases write a letter to the person that you have issues with stating how you feel(not that you actually send it).
You get so much response here that you always see another viewpoint that you may or may not have thought of; that you may want or may not want to hear. I've learned in my "almost" 32 years { ;) }
that you can't make a comment without someone having an opinion of it. How's that, for every action theres a reaction. I think its a basic law of human nature (yeah, it's one of those basic rules you have to learn in biology, too!)
I think if you keep what you need from all of this and toss what you don't then you'll do okay...
But thats just my opinion ;)!
I hope everyone is doing well.

P.S.
Sorry, I forgot something. On a lighter note, I went out and bought a couple of belly dancing tapes! It is very fun. Maybe when I have a little more confidence in myself I will join a class. To my embarassment I am SO out of shape and a little uncoordinated. My husband says its just the carpet yeah right! But it was sweet of him to make an excuse for me!

Anyways, nothing of importance, just to let you know I took your advice.... thank you.

Damaris, sometimes it helps to do the exercise with a good friend. That's what I did a few years ago when I decided to go to the gymn regularly. The accountability thing is amazing and worked for both of us and besides it's more fun!

Am trying not to fall back into frustration and negative thinking... where the hell is that coming from again? This weekend was great, Friday's teaching fantastic ( I really did love every single one of the 3600 seconds of it :)), but I guess I really do want to fire my (not) co- (not ) workers, constant screw ups, not self-motivated procrastinators and lets not even go to the verbal hostility from one of them. If only I could fire them.... but I guess I should to not go down that route, since I can't change the fact that I have to work with them and run this office as well. Note to self: Think and stay postive!

Paul, how did the racing go? did you have fun with it?

Michelle has a great idea, Paul. Why don't you do a Tai Chi video for sale? I've been wanting to learn to do Tai Chi but I'm so out of shape I won't go to a gym or club and do it in front of anyone, so if I could get a good tape so I could learn to do it at home, that would be great. I really need to do this, as I need some sort of exercise program, because I'm diabetic and my doctor keeps telling me I need to exercise. Tai Chi would be great, because I could do it at home until I got good at it and then join a group. And it would be good for you financially, as Michelle has suggested. PLEEEEAAASE do it!!!!

Oh yes Paul! Please DO make a Tai Chi video! I'm also one of those who would find it hard to learn in a crowd. :>) I was a ballroom as well as ballet/tap (for children) instructor many years ago but that was ended due to a auto accident. This body has gone to seed big time but it is salvageable - I think. LOL I now have grandchildren (toddlers) who can out run me! Help! :>)

Paul, the hate or be hated thing IS so hard because EVERYWHERE you turn, there it is again, the negativism. The commercialism. The materialism.

I just went through a bag of clothes given to me by a friend that her son has outgrown. First thing I pull out, camouflage pants. Second thing, a tshirt that is touting a basketball player and says "SLAM or BE SLAMMED", and I was like What the freak?

What I do about it: I don't jump into the gossip here at work...when "Shelia" comes up to me and says, "Did you SEE what Marie was wearing?" I just say, "Nope, it's got nothing to do with me", smile,and walk away, sending the message: "I don't play that game." My kids don't watch tv (neither do we...seriously, no tv, no cable, no nothing...and you should see the games my kids make up out at the swingset with a couple of dogleashes and sticks, WELL into the darkness of the evenings.)

I'm not saying "I'm great! Look at me! Look at how *I* handle this!" I am just saying how one person, little ole me, feels she can make a difference and change the attitude of violence, anger, hate, and "Different = Bad". I've had to leave parties early, and speak to my children in FRONT of their parents when I needed to impart a message of Peace/Love, over Commercialism/Greed. It sure is uncomfortable, esp. when dealing with other people's kids, and VERY touchy, but I won't risk my kids' values just so they "fit in" or can be "cool" or whatever.

So, one person at a time. I am able to change the world. By example. As Paul says, our paths have crossed, how has it/will it affect you? Who knows...maybe you'll decide that that 20 minutes you spent at the water cooler discussing CSI or The Osborn's or Whatever just made you 20 minutes later getting home to what really matters. No, I'm not perfect, but I'm trying...Good for me!

Ms. Goody Two-shoes,
Dhiana

PS. Sarah whose brother has Crone's...I close my eyes and see a yellow horizon for him. Yellow is Inuitive/Knowledge and Inspiration. He is very open to this, no?

Paul, the hate or be hated thing IS so hard because EVERYWHERE you turn, there it is again, the negativism. The commercialism. The materialism.

I just went through a bag of clothes given to me by a friend that her son has outgrown. First thing I pull out, camouflage pants. Second thing, a tshirt that is touting a basketball player and says "SLAM or BE SLAMMED", and I was like What the freak?

What I do about it: I don't jump into the gossip here at work...when "Shelia" comes up to me and says, "Did you SEE what Marie was wearing?" I just say, "Nope, it's got nothing to do with me", smile,and walk away, sending the message: "I don't play that game." My kids don't watch tv (neither do we...seriously, no tv, no cable, no nothing...and you should see the games my kids make up out at the swingset with a couple of dogleashes and sticks, WELL into the darkness of the evenings.)

I'm not saying "I'm great! Look at me! Look at how *I* handle this!" I am just saying how one person, little ole me, feels she can make a difference and change the attitude of violence, anger, hate, and "Different = Bad". I've had to leave parties early, and speak to my children in FRONT of their parents when I needed to impart a message of Peace/Love, over Commercialism/Greed. It sure is uncomfortable, esp. when dealing with other people's kids, and VERY touchy, but I won't risk my kids' values just so they "fit in" or can be "cool" or whatever.

So, one person at a time. I am able to change the world. By example. As Paul says, our paths have crossed, how has it/will it affect you? Who knows...maybe you'll decide that that 20 minutes you spent at the water cooler discussing CSI or The Osborn's or Whatever just made you 20 minutes later getting home to what really matters. No, I'm not perfect, but I'm trying...Good for me!

Ms. Goody Two-shoes,
Dhiana

PS. Sarah whose brother has Crone's...I close my eyes and see a yellow horizon for him. Yellow is Inuitive/Knowledge and Inspiration. He is very open to this, no?

Oh, DAMN!

Dhiana

Exercise is very good and has helped me tremendously today in being more positive and cheerful. I try to do it daily (and mostly succeed at it). :-) On the video making note, Paul can do this professionally, but perhaps we should make our own home videos and splice a final version together out of the funniest moments. Okay, a bit too whacky an idea, but fun to envision. ....

Paul, do you remember what the phrase is you made for yourself about worrying? You mentioned that sometime in July or August and even though I don't remember what exactly that phrase was that you used, [memorizing has never been a strenght of mine...] the message stayed with me last night and all through today, that worrying basically is a waste of time, at least the kind of worrying I do/did (I hope!) and that was also very helpful, because it helped me deflect and deal with some of my frustration. Thank you for that!

Dhiana I think I'll take your phrase "one person at a time" and change it to "one situation at a time" as the focus and strategy, because that way I don't have to feel so overwhelmed by all the things going on right now. On another note to you, how is teaching going for you? I always wondered about this and you never said anything about it, after you decided to take on that teaching assignment. And the part about greater creativity that you experience and see in your kids, I can relate to that, since I was totally raised without TV and my parents (hmmm, Mum actually) still don't have a TV at home. The only thing I didn't like about it was at those times when I felt excluded, because I could not participate in all the TV show related discussions in school, but I loved the creativity that sparked in me and allowed me to try many things I probably wouldn't have otherwise. (sorry, nothing against TV and the work of you actors/performers out there, I do watch TV these days, but not 24/7)

Perhaps I should write another incredibly bad poem tonight, which is what I did last night after dealing with my messed up emotions After writing about that for a while, I decided I had to write something positive or of a more positive nature, so I wrote a poem about the ocean and all the fun and silly things I often do there. While the outcome is rather pathetic :), the process was incredibly fun and shifted my focus to more positive things and raised my downcast spirit. I should do that more often. Can we at some point share really bad poetry we've written and laugh about it?

Paul,
Don't do an infomercial. Don't do a Tai Chi video (at least until you're a Tai Chi master). If you did a "how to learn ballroom dancing" or other sort of dancing video, I'd buy the hell out of it. But no infomercials----you're way too cool for that. You're not Ron Popeil. Your craft is dancing, not the Pocket Fisherman.

Evelyn, I have not tackled that teaching assignment yet...of course, why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? ;-) It is for the first part of November, and I am afraid I am going to have to bail on it...I just am not able to catch up on the reading (excuse #1), would have to ask for a personal day from work (excuse #2) and have decided that I am just going to fess up to my friend that I am overwhelmed (True Excuse #1) with my fulltime job, two kids, two hour commute, and nine musical gigs that I had this month on top of everything else (two of which are tonight, back to back, thankfully, both in the city.)

However, I have come to more conclusions: I'm not even attempting the college level stuff. I am going to wait til my husband graduates in May, gets a job, then give music lessons out of my home, play "gigs" with my Irish band, subsidized by substitute teaching at my sons' school, while I look into what it would take to get a degree in Counselling, or to finish my Master's in English, which would qualify me for renewed certification to teach High School English. For now, that's the plan.

So, sorry to let you and myself down, but I think I really bit off more than I could chew with that one. Afterall, it's Oct. 16th and have I even STARTED my kid's Halloween costumes? Ah, that would be a "no." ;-) Priorities, ya know?

Blessings on a cold, wet day here in NY state.

Dhiana

PS. We DO have a tv, it's just used for videos, and the kids are pretty good about picking out "appropriate" ones from the library. Dinosaurs that we are, we also have a disc player...with the big huge record type discs of movies that a friend gave to us. Note: he also gave me SB with that stack, so that's how I got "here". ;-)

p: what's the aussie equivalent of halloween? is there one, and when is it?

anybody got any plans for halloween with or without the kids?

Hey Dhiana, I don't think you are letting anyone down, least of all yourself, esp. when you know your limits. Of course there's the part in me that's very tempted to give you the encouraging pep talk because teaching is fun, but I'll spare you that one. You seem to know pretty well what you can handle and what not. Do you by any chance give flute lessons? This is one instrument I really still want to learn and perhaps harp, but of course right now I can't even afford the instrument, nor the lessons for that matter. Soon, when I hopefully have a "real" job, i.e. full time employment rather than being a student and work part time, I will be able to afford such "luxuries" :-)

Texas, I don't like Halloween (all that much), simply because it always conflicts with my birthday celebration (nope it's not on Halloween itself but close enough). The only plans I've made so far is that everyone has to dress up in formal evening wear ... Now I only have to come up with appropriate plans to match the demanded attire. :-) Am totally open to suggestions. There's a reason for this dress code, but I'll spare you the details. I for one am immensely looking forward to what my friends will do with this request. LOL

Hey, Evelyn--
If you have a cat or dog or some other animal, have a "Coming Out" party for it (not coming out like being gay, coming out like the debutantes do). Dress the thing up in all sorts of evening attire and make it give a speech. Your friends will love it, and even if not, they'll probably put you in the nice sweater where you get to hug yourself all day.
Have fun!
Sarah

Sarah Uncle Peaches,
your response is incredibly funny. Either you know my cat, Freyja, very well, or something else is going on. My cat is so shy that she hides under the bed (actually she does indeed climb into the box springs themselves) when other people come over so the coming out party for her would really take on multiple meanings. :) Just asked her what she thought about your idea and I got the dirty look "Not a chance!!!" from her and if I tried to dress her up in anything, she'd claw and scratch me... But I like the sweater idea in which I can hug myself all day--although, why not let others do the hugging?--as long as it involves me.
Okay, now I really do want to know where the Uncle Peaches part comes from. My sister just gave me a new name, last Friday. She calles me "HiPo" now for High Potential. Her way to make me feel more confident about the stressful job application phase I'm going through right now. Got to love that sister of mine. :-)

Take care all :-)
Evelyn, aka HiPo

Evelyn, no flute (ok, I can play about three scales and MeatLoaf's "Bat Out of Hell" on it, but that's just because I had to for a school play once), just sax, penny whistle, viola, violin, bodhran (Irish drum), and mandolin. I can play three chords on guitar, does that count too? ;-)

And I HEAR ya on the birthday thing...mine's the 29th! But I still adore Halloween...leaves crunching, adorable kids, mini-Snickers bars (that means you can eat more than one!), candles, etc. It's become just a fun pasttime, and I often feel badly for the kids' whose parents choose to not let them participate, although I understand their decision and reasoning, and respect thier choices. This year I took the day off from work and am helping in my son's Kindergarten classroom (helping to keep the hysteria down to a dull roar probably!) but also to play my fiddle and sing some Autumn songs too.

Teaching...someday, maybe. The glimmer is still there, believe me.

Blessings,