Paul's Corner

A lot of what has been said here resonated with me as well, the loosing weight part, the insecurity about all sorts of things, the question about how much am I willing to do/give in my (professional) life and at what expense to my self etc. Don't really want to talk about that though. I do want to share some quotes from a book that I'm reading right now that I think fit into this discussion quite well, but which also describe some of my own altered thinking that has been taking place over the last few months. These quotes are from _The Dance. Moving to the Rhythms of Your True Self_ by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

"What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?"

"Don't tell me how wonderful things will be ... someday.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next ..."

Accepting who I am now as I am has freed me to be okay with myself and to make changes that I want to make or need to make without being externally driven by someone elses ideas, expectations. This is my journey, and yes, I'm still oriented too much by what others think and expect of me, but it is a beginning and one I'm enjoying immensely. Yesterday, I spent all day meditating and breating deeply, as a friend had told me to do on Thursday who was concerned with the mega-stress I was/am under over the course of the last few weeks or months, and it was one of the most amazing experiences. I feel so much more at peace and calm... I highly recommend it.

Kay Lynne, I, too, want to wish you peace and calm as you go through this phase of health problems and just let you know that I'm thinking of you and sending you a portion of good health.

And Tim, thanks for the blue ribbon story, it meant a lot to me and your timing was perfect as it made my day. I also passed it on to many of my friends and it too had a huge impact on them for all sorts of different reasons.

Love and blessings to all and don't forget to be good to yourself/yourselves.

Dear Paul:

I think it is finally time for me to post a comment here. I have lurked for several months, and found many inspiring words from both you and this community.

Your comments at the start of this thread really hit home with me. For me, it is your final paragraph that is the real meat of the thought, and not how much you weigh. It's about feeling a passion for your craft, giving your life to hone it, and tasting the satisfaction of real artistic expression. It's about having all those things taken away from you and put into someone elses's hands to dole out when (and if) they choose. It can be torture, and I ache with you because I know exactly what you are feeling.

My story? I am in the arts - a symphonic musician - and have spent a lifetime striving for my goal and a chance to prove my capabilities. And I have tasted success. I have held two prominent positions in my country, yet through some odd sets of circumstances (just circumstances, no one's fault) I find myself back on the audition trail looking for work.

Of course there is rejection - probably no more than before I held the big job - but it is so much more tangible, and cuts deeper because now I KNOW. I know what it is like. It is my passion. Nothing makes me happier. I have lived it. It has been taken away, and it is not my choice if it will ever return. I often think things would be easier if I had *not* made it. The knowledge that I am in fact talented and capable only heightens the frustration.

You ask, "at what expense to the soul" and I want to hug you because I ask that question every day and still don't know the answer. Please don't for a minute think that I am unhappy with my life. I still have my passion in me, and I feel great joy when I am doing what I do best. That is my soul - and after writing all this down, I am confident that it is strong enough to take any beating. I think I just answered the question.....

Thank you for this forum, it is remarkable. It prompted me to crystalise my feelings based on a shared emotion with a stranger. What could be more beautiful?

Kevin:
Wow. That was inspirational. I've got to do some of the most trivial, mindless, thankless, and and humiliating work today. I hate it, but it pays the mortgage. Well it's supposed too. But your perspective is so true. I get a "Don't give up attitude." Thank you.
Evelyn. You are quite welcome with the Blue Ribbon. Someone passed it on to me. I think it's remarkable.
Paul. This site is really great. I think I've said that before. But it really is. This saves me The $120 per 45 minute session with my therapist. I can't afford it anymore. But basically I leave feeling almost the same. I feel releaved and inspired. A therapist will never TELL you what todo, they just "listen" and then they may ask a question. That's what everybody here is doing.
A caveat, if anyone is seeing a therapist or is a therapist out there, I'm not knocking it or saying you should stop going. God I hate having to be politically correct with everything these days, it's a waste of time. However, continuing in that vane, do not stop seeing your therapist. I could still use it I just can't pay for it. And for you doctors out there thank god you are there. I hope I've covered all the legal issues there.
That's just my opinion.
Thanks
Tim

Kay Lynne, I hope everything goes well. My sister had her gall bladder out laproscopicly and all went very well, until she got home and started to behave as if she was all healed when she wasn't. She opened the wound and it took 2 weeks to heal. Go slowly and you'll be ok.
Tim, I hope it goes well with you too. I hope you don't have to chase away too many women after your "soap opera star" nose.
Welcome Kevin.

Beautifully put, Kevin. Welcome!

Kay Lynne, I have a friend who had gall bladder surgery. I don't know the extent of it, but I believe she recovered quickly. I do agree with Innussiq that you should give yourself plenty of time to recouperate.

Tim, maybe the way to get through those tasks that drive us mad is to remember to be thankful that we have a job that (mostly) pays the bills, that we have a house to clean, that we have clothes to wash. I'm not saying I've mastered this. I have to remind myself regularly; but when I can conjure up that gratitude, I find more peace.

Alright, now I have to mow the damned lawn. Oops! Uh, that's my beautiful yard.

I thought you all might like to read this. Its an e-mail I recieved. It was passed along by a friend but it's written by a young girl who's dying of cancer.

>>SLOW DANCE
> >>
> >>Have you ever watched kids
> >>
> >>On a merry-go-round?
> >>
> >>Or listened to the rain
> >>
> >>Slapping on the ground?
> >>
> >>Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
> >>
> >>Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
> >>
> >>You better slow down.
> >>
> >>Don't dance so fast.
> >>
> >>Time is short.
> >>
> >>The music won't last.
> >>
> >>Do you run through each day
> >>
> >>On the fly?
> >>
> >>When you ask How are you?
> >>
> >>Do you hear the reply?
> >>
> >>When the day is done
> >>
> >>Do you lie in your bed
> >>
> >>With the next hundred chores
> >>
> >>Running through your head?
> >>
> >>You'd better slow down
> >>
> >>Don't dance so fast.
> >>
> >>Time is short.
> >>
> >>The music won't last.
> >>
> >>Ever told your child,
> >>
> >>We'll do it tomorrow?
> >>
> >>And in your haste,
> >>
> >>Not see his sorrow?
> >>
> >>Ever lost touch,
> >>
> >>Let a good friendship die
> >>
> >>Cause you never had time
> >>
> >>To call and say,"hi"
> >>
> >>You'd better slow down.
> >>
> >>Don't dance so fast.
> >>
> >>Time is short.
> >>
> >>The music won't last.
> >>
> >>When you run so fast to get somewhere
> >>
> >>You miss half the fun of getting there.
> >>
> >>When you worry and hurry through your day,
> >>
> >>It is like an unopened gift....
> >>
> >>Thrown away.
> >>
> >>Life is not a race.
> >>
> >>Do take it slower
> >>
> >>Hear the music
> >>
> >>Before the song is over.
> >>
> >>
> >>

Hmmmm...I miss you guys but do not get back as often as I would like. New people come and go when you are not here very frequently...this saddens me as I miss out on every nuance of our special conversation.

Paul: a quote for you......

I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, [sic] but now that I am older I find that I don't want to do them.

-Nancy, Lady Astor

Something to consider, Paul: what is it that makes you happy? I think you will find that your life-loves are merely different, not less rewarding.

For really feel good days:

They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.

-Tallulah Bankhead

This is all from me for now....am feeling too sad to post more... I would just end up depressing everyone.

Ms. Dimmick, my thoughts are with you....I had my appendix out when I was four....surgery wasn't so bad. I hope someone brings you a Bearnstein Bears stuffed bear and balloons too!
(or some Lord Chesterfield Pale Ale....when you have recovered)
with
love,
the Silver Seraph

(Sadie)

Kevin, you put in to words beautifully what I have been feeling and experiencing - Thank you.

The poem is lovely Sallie, made my wife cry.

I have things to say and news to tell but my Mum is here and as she is only here twice a year I am going to spend some time with her. In fact I am putting her to work making my latest beer sausage - chicken,veal,sage and indian pale ale. Yum. Let you know how they turned out.

Paul:
What I wouldn't give to have my mum make some thing for me. Hell just to be around. Where does she live if she can only make it twice a year? If you don't mind my asking. Enjoy her visit. Those visits are so special. Tell her Hi from you fans, at least from me. And I hope she has a wonderful visit with you and your family.
Best regards

Tim

And re: Slow Dance. Powerful stuff...may I pass that along to a friend?

Paul:
What I wouldn't give to have my mum make some thing for me. Hell just to be around. Where does she live if she can only make it twice a year? If you don't mind my asking. Enjoy her visit. Those visits are so special. Tell her Hi from you fans, at least from me. And I hope she has a wonderful visit with you and your family.
Best regards

Tim

And re: Slow Dance. Powerful stuff...may I pass that along to a friend?

Paul:
What I wouldn't give to have my mum make some thing for me. Hell just to be around. Where does she live if she can only make it twice a year? If you don't mind my asking. Enjoy her visit. Those visits are so special. Tell her Hi from you fans, at least from me. And I hope she has a wonderful visit with you and your family.
Best regards

Tim

And re: Slow Dance. Powerful stuff...may I pass that along to a friend?

my problem is that i go so slow i squander time. i've always been the one with the big ideas with little follow up, so "slow dance" wasn't written for me, unfortunately. i smell the roses before i do the work. and that can be a shame, too.

"If time be of all things most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality, since lost time is never found again; and what we call time enough always proves little enough." -- ben franklin

moms are good. have a wonderful visit.

Thanks for passing along the poem, Sallie, all so true. We have to stop and smell the roses, don't we?
Kevin, you expressed the performer's dilemma so well, even those of us who don't work in the arts can relate to the feelings- thank you! Success might be more difficult the second or third time around, but I bet it's sweeter,too.
Enjoy your visit with your Mum,Paul; that was one evil tease by the way... "things to say and news to tell."
We'll be waiting...
hugs

Paul, this is now the second time that you get to hang with your Mum since I saw mine last... but I'm happy for you and hope you will enjoy it to the fullest! I'll just enjoy my telephone visits with my Mum and sisters for now and continue working on getting them to come and visit me for a change. Off to enjoy an eveing of art, but I think it might just be a bit more "bittersweet" knowning how you and Keith wish you had the chance to perform--this comment is not meant to put the "guilt trip" (sorry can't think of a different word) on anyone, but I guess I'm more aware of all the artists that would love to perform than I had been in the past. I guess there's always to hoping that you too will get that chance again--very soon!

Sallie, thanks for the slow dance.

Love and hugs to all!

I would have to agree with you Texas, I tend to squander time as well and I definately enjoy smelling the roses even if I haven't earned the right to but I would also have to say I spend a lot of that time having fun which can't be all bad. Tim you are more than welcome to pass the poem along if you like.

I'm grateful I can see my mom and talk to her anytime I want, although she drives me bezerk sometimes. I never thought about not being able to see her until I read everyones posts. So I guess today I am grateful for my mom. Thanks everyone.

So Paul when are you going to market this beer sausage you talk about? I don't think I've ever tried beer sausage.

Speaking of things that go good with beer, if anyone loves pistachios as much as I do, here is a website for a place that has the best pistachios I've ever tasted. I grew up with a dad that had a never ending search for the perfect pistachio and he thought this place came pretty close. They make great christmas gifts, at least I hope they do cause it's what I'm giving everyone.

www.EagleRanchPistachios.com
1-800-432-0999

It says in the catalog they ship internationally.

Goodnite one and all.

Just a quick note to one and all. Had an ultrasound yesterday. The person who did the test on me was brutally rough. She was so intent on getting under my right rib cage to get a picture of my gall bladder, that i fear she bruised my rib. In fact, she pushed so hard on all the organs, I actually feel like I've gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson. (It hurts to sneeze, cough or laugh. The last one is the hardest. I love to laugh and can't for fear of pain.) I'm really hoping that after all of this, there's nothing wrong but too much stress and a little acid reflux. I'll know more after the doctor appointment next Wednesday. Think I'll get some Advil. (The Pale Ale would taste better, but... lol.)

Paul, make sure to get lots of Mom's lovin. There's nothing better in the world.

Take Care all.

Kay Lynne:
Keeping a good thought for you. I’m sorry to hear that the ‘ultrasound’ technician was pretty rough with you. Hopefully, these results will be more conclusive. I’ll have an pale ale in your honor after work today.

Paul:
Would it be too much to ask for some beer sausage recipes?

Sallie:
Love the poem. & Thanks for the pistachio link.

Welcome Kevin!

Take Care,
Margarita

Well, Well, Well, good news and mom visiting too!
Can it get much better? Enjoy your time with mom and we will anxiously await the good news.

Sallie; you will really enjoy the pistachio's from Eagle Ranch. We have stopped in there several times either coming back from or going to Arizona to see the MIL. They are really good and so are their products using pistacho's. Another plus is that pistachio's are good for you in moderate quantities.

Visited the folks at home over the weekend. Dad is home from the hospital, contrary as ever, but not complaining about the food. Mom dishes out the portions and cooks just what is on the diet for everyone. She is not adding the salt and butter to things like she used to do but it was all very good and Thanksgiving will be interesting. She says we will still have pies, dad will just have to eat something else. I'm thinking large fruit salad with Lite cool whip.
I think he is going to be as well as can be expected. Will know more about his progress this thursday when he goes back to the DR. I want to thank Charlie again for allowing me to vent personally. It helped more than you know.
Well must get off here and get back to work.
Hugs all around, specially to all of the Moms.
Sherrlyn

Hey Paul, if your "wife so kindly (and honestly ) pointed out my ass is as big as she has ever seen it" take that as a compliment. One of the best things about your butt is that it's so big and round. I agree with Michelle from Nova Scotia's post, it's the best around. Maybe now that it's so big, it time to show it off again like you did in Exit to Eden.

dear paul's butt,
you rule. great post.

I'm blushing for you Paul :)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I think it's time to start a new discussion!!

LOL::))

A beer sausage recipe: Made the other night.

500grams Veal needs fat content so dont get it lean
500g chicken thighs with skin
fresh sage chopped about 2 tablespoons
salt 1 tbls
pepper to taste
1/2 cup of indian pale ale - because it is bitter and malty. in USA you could use Sierra Nevada Pale Ale

Easy: mince the meats till good consistent grind. Thoroughly mix through sage, salt and pepper then add beer and mix through again. Take a teaspoon of mixture and fry it in some olive oil and taste test for seasoning. I find that cooked like this the flavours are much more pronounced than when cooked in the sausage skin so season accordingly if you need to.

Stuff the mix into a thin casing. I twist each link once at the desired length, you can tie some cooking twine to make the link or you can make one very long sausage and coil it like a snake - looks great cooking on the BBQ.

You can add anything you want to this recipe - chilli, fennel seeds more beer or sage etc etc in fact I used some diced up potato to get the remaining meat mix out of my grinder and I ended up with one sausage having some potato in it. When cooked the potato had soaked up the beer and meat juices and had a lovely texture and flavour. I reckon a beer potato sausage is on the cards!!

Happy cooking!

ps the beer is important - if you use Bud you wont get any malt or hop flavour thereby no flavour in your sanga (Aussie for sausage or snag)so go for an in your face micro style beer with lots of hop flavours and good malt character and possibly a higher alcohol content - alcohol is like fat - full of flavour.

one more thing - these sausages are lean so can be a little dry thats why you keep the chicken skin etc. You could add about 200 - 300 chopped pork fat if you wanted to help moisten them up - just adjust seasoning according to taste test. Also there are no preservatives in home made sausages so eat them fresh, freeze them or chuck em out! Needless to say, be clean.

Paul,
Thanks for sharing the recipe.

Margarita

Just curious, Paul.

Was that you who put Paul's butt in the comments section? Because, I thought that was cute and funny.

Sara

P.S.: You do have a cute butt. (blushing)

has anyone ever noticed that whenever we expound on Pauls butt, or his incredible sexiness, or how hot we think he is---he changes the subject! ha, ha! Like to beer or food!! Paul, you know youre going to have to post a more recent photo, you cant tell us youre too big and then not let us see. And honestly, I can tell you, not one person who reads your posts and knows the person you are is going to care what size you are. Personally, I like heavier men for the long haul, and the hot bods for the short haul. Speaking of that, we've had sex many times-you just werent there !!!!!!!!! Kidding, just kidding!!! We all love you Paul...no matter how you look, you know that!

Hello all...I'm another silent (until now) reader, but I've been wanting to say this for a while now. Paul, you are awesome, all the way around! You know, it may be your acting that got us here, but it's your incredible personality that KEEPS us here. I never in a million years would have thought that an actor would take the time to communicate with his fans like you do...and you do so not on an actor/fan level either, but as friends and fellow human beings. You aren't afraid to let us see the REAL you, and even if you are afraid you do it anyway. That takes real pluck. And while I won't speak for everyone, I know that *I* appreciate the honesty and sincerity, and the genuine concern and caring for the people of this community. Everyone here is just amazing. :)

Forgive me if anything here is redundant, but I've been reading for an hour and I'm not even half-way through the posts...and I have class in the morning, so it's time to call it quits!

Mysti
And Paul, if you're ever out in Texas again, let me know! :)

Mysti, i dont know if you will come back and look at ths post as it is getting older, but I do go back and look and now have read your message. Thankyou for posting and thank you for your support and understanding. It is a pleasure although not always an easy one to post and reaffirm that which I believe. To share our own journey is to walk with others on thiers - as you have done by posting here. I hope to hear from you again.

Paul...thanks for the response! I didn't know if YOU would see it, as it was getting older, and wasn't really expecting a reply. Pleasant surprise! So yes, I did come back and read it, and yes, I'll be around. :)

Mysti

Okay, I have to say something. This is my first post.

To: Paul

Re: the superficiality of, and emphasis of appearance in, the entertainment industry.

No one wants to be judged for their appearance; we want to be loved for who we are. [ That said, don't we like to be told we look good! :) ] But what filmed entertainment does (generally) is present idealized depictions of humanity. An actor presents a vessel into which a character is poured. The look of that vessel isn't the only thing that matters, but it does matter.

40 years old is YOUNG for a man. Men are gorgeous in their forties. And beyond. Look at Sean Connery. And there are roles out there for men in their 40s. But when people go to cast a role, they want someone people will want to look at, preferably that they will be eager to look at. There are some character actors who are so supreme in their craft -- James Gandolfini & Dennis Franz come to mind -- that appearance becomes irrelevant. But in most cases it is an issue. This is acting. You are being hired to portray a character someone has put time and money, and hopefully heart, into creating. This is fiction. This is dream fulfillment. If two good actors are up for a role and one looks great in his jeans and one doesn't, as a producer/director to whom do you give the role?

This is a highly competitive business. Any edge you have should be pursued. You have a name that people know. It creates an expectation. If you want to completely redefine yourself, that's okay. But then you give up what that name represents and the advantage it gives you. And then you have to fight against the expectations, which is probably worse than being unknown. When a director hears Paul Mercurio is coming in, and a good-looking, athletic man shows up, you've used your earlier success and reputation as a launching point, as a step above the competition.

This is not meant as some kind of self-righteous rant about physical fitness. I am a 46 year-old woman and have been overweight to various degrees since I was 13. I'm just saying, if acting is the profession you choose, your body is part of your professional equipment. (I can see this post taking an unfortunate turn.)

I wish you vast success and think you're handsome, creative and intelligent.

Best,

Linda