Paul's Corner

Tough question...infinite ways to judge ourselves...how we treat others, how we deal with situations etc.

Texas,
I can't agree more...

Jody,
As Sallie has noted, I also feel that mistakes have been instrumental in who I've become. If (in some way)I've become a better person from a mistake, then it's all good--a step forward. Our minds may be quick to understand this but our hearts may have to play catch up. I agree, Forgiving ourselves may not be as easy as forgiving others.

Best to you all,
Margarita

Yes, I have definitely learned from my mistakes. I am just so hard on myself. I feel like if I had just known how to listen to my heart THEN, I wouldn't be so far from who I thought I would be NOW. I just feel like I am unprepared to be me, because it's so different from what I planned on. I thought that by this age, I would be happily married, secure with a family (not necessarily children, but a husband and involved with all my siblings and extended family more), acting some, comfortable on a day to day basis. Now I am a professional businesswoman in a very non-artistic field, completely support myself, and not even at the start of a relationship. Being a businesswoman may be impressive to some, but trust me it is NOT me, and I am very ill at ease about it. I just don't know how to get out of it, because I have to support myself, pay my bills, no husband to help, etc., etc. It's tough.

And I can't even have a cat in my apartment (I love cats!) HA HA.

Gotta go for now. I swim and a lap pool awaits!

A couple of things popped into my mind when I first read this loaded question this morning:
(1) for me I'd have to put the question differently "How do I NOT judge myself?"--but that's just me.
(2) I'm way too happy to answer/think about such a serious question. I'm bouncing of the walls in joy and happiness and loving it. :-)
(3) The term "judge" only holds negative connotations and experiences for me and while I rationally know that it is supposed to be possible to judge neutrally, it's not part of my experiences, it's always been negative. Thus for myself I need to rephrase this as "assessing myself/taking stock of my life, where I'm at, where I want to go" or something along these lines.
(4) For me it's easier to judge myself and others than not to and this is something I'm learning to unlearn in the sense that I need to accept who I am now at this point in time, that others are who they are at this point and that there is a reason for this. Accepting who I am now has freed me to open up and make changes and to enjoy them, rather than judging myself against external standards and expectations I have created for myself or which others have created for me.
(5) Of course I'm absolutely terrified or at least on edge about how others judge me--and there are a few areas in my life right now where others are and get to judge me that will impact me quite significantly, but it is out of my hand now and while I'm on edge, I'm also very calm and centered about it. When one door closes, another will open somewhere else and take me down a path I had not considered. As I've embarked on my spiritual quest a few months ago and in some way moved away quite significantly from the religious beliefs I was raised with, I'm afraid of telling Mum about it, since I know it will upset her, she will worry about my soul and on some level will try to "convert" me back to the old ways, which I'm moving away from--and I'm in the mood for none of them!!!! I'm afraid of being judged in this very specific judgemental attitude of this church that I've lived with all my life so far and really don't want to anymore. While I've talked to one of my sisters about it who is very supportive, having undergone a similar process, I at this point choose not to talk to Mum or my other sister about it and on some level that is okay, but of course the judgmental part in me and the part that has been raised to orient myself first by "what will others think" at the expense of my own needs and fails to nurture my own self and soul tells me that the concerns of my Mum and my sister and other relatives are more important than my own and I judge myself for not being able to please them, to live up to their expectations of me. Very vicious cycle and very well practiced and fine-tuned! But at the same time the part in me that does not need to judge herself is becoming stronger, developing a gentler dealing or interacting with myself, freeing myself of the need to blame and judge myself. Dhiana's quote on the last post comes to mind
"There is no blame: I release the need to blame anyone, including myself. We are all doing the best we can with the understanding, knowledge, and awareness we have." --by the way Dhiana, thank you for that quote, it strongly resonated with me-- I think I've said enough for now, said more than I though I had to say anyway.

Thank you Paul for sharing the sausage recipe. It sounds delicious! Now I have to find out where one would get the skin ... and thanks for starting this post, I am intrigued to hear what triggered this or what your thinking is.

Love to all,
Evelyn

I judge myself about every four minutes! I judge myself for just about every move I make like "did I say that right" "was my meaning misunderstood" "how can I handle that better next time?" Boy, as a parent all you do is judge what you do in relation to how it will effect your children. I am very harsh on myself, as I'm sure most people are. Take Jody for example, I would doubt anyone in her (or his) life would say the same things, or see the situation as so desperate.
But Sallie is right about how much a woman's self-view changes when she gets closer to 40. In one way you see the end creeping up on you but, you also see how much time and energy you have wasted trying to judge yourself by someone else's yardstick.
I judge that I am very much like most everyone in the world with a few unique characterastics. I take what I think I've earned and I give the best that I can.
Much love.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
--Mother Teresa

I get such inspiration from people I admire. This quote sings to me. It does not imply to just the act of judging other people but more importantly, judging yourself.

If you are always judging yourself, when do you get to loving yourself, accepting yourself?

To judge oneself, is to stand at a distance, to critique, to see what isn't good enough. By doing this to ourselves, we will find we are much quicker to do this to others, our friends, our spouses, and most damaging, our children.

I try hard not to stand in judgement, of myself, or of my loved ones. My goal is to embrace what I love about myself and others, and by doing so, the things that could be improved, become less and less obvious.

This is off-topic, but I came on here to read the latest posts after finding something out, and I really can't get my mind off it. So. . .if everyone would just send prayers and good vibes to Veronica, a friend of mine who today was in a very serious car accident. I was notified several hours ago that she went into respiratory failure, haven't heard any recent news since, and I'm very scared. She needs all the help she can get. I will come back and give my comments here on this wonderful topic when my head clears a little.

chels.

First, hoping for the best, Chelsey.
I was reading everyones comments, then had to stop.
Maybe it's because I'm older than many here, 47,
but I am not nearly as hard on myself as some of you seem to be.
The longer you're on earth, the more mistakes you make, minor or otherwise, and the truth is, most people do the best they can at the time. May not look like much, and may be horrible, but probably all they are capable of at the moment.
That doesn't mean mistakes are forgiven or forgotten easily, but at least regarding ourselves, I think the best thing is to know yourself. We all have to do what we feel is important, and sometimes that can be hard to change, if we want to. More later.hugs

I agree with Sallie, Deltalady and others who say that we're all doing the best we can. I'm not where I expected to be now either, Jody; but because I'm no longer trying to live toward some idealized version of myself, I can actually enjoy what I am doing now. I find now that I have talents I never knew really acknowledged before.

I used to judge myself often and harshly until I realized that those judgments were the product of other people’s perceptions or my misinterpretations of their statements and not necessarily accurate reflections of who I am and who I’m becoming.

Paul, it's curious that you should ask that question now. I had an interesting experience just the other day that involved judgementalism.

A big furor has erupted in our valley over the proposed destruction of a 400 year-old oak tree to make way for a 4-lane highway. The highway could be downsized to meet the projections for the approved projects in the area, but the county wants the bigger roadway to serve a mega-development that is not yet approved, may never be approved in its present proposed form and, at any rate, won’t be built out for another 15 years. What started out as a protest by our small but dedicated, little band of environmental activists has blossomed into a huge outcry in the community and that outcry appears to be growing by the day. An environmentalist has decided to live in the highest branches of the oak until the county backs down. Lots of press. It’s been really amazing.

Some city officials have judged the protesters as whinny complainers who want homes but don’t want to sacrifice anything to get those homes. The county seems to be judging them similarly and, so far, refuses to look at any options.

I’ve been out to the tree almost everyday. Most of the people who are hanging around are there in support of the effort. They bring food, play music, bring poems and artwork. A few ‘teens have thrown eggs at the tree-sitter and heckled. The sheriff’s deputies are now posted around the clock and for the most part, it has been calm.

When I went out to the tree yesterday, I was confronted by a man who towered over me. He was outraged by the lack of respect for this tree and by the environmental destruction in the valley. He decided that, as a city official, I was to blame. A no good politician. Ruining the place. Not listening to the public. He had no use for me or anyone else in office. Here’s this guy who is upset about the same things that upset me, but he was refusing to listen to me AND we were being filmed by documentary makers as the conversation progressed. Being in a public position (and something of a dissenting voice, at that), I have to be careful what I say and do because it can damage my credibility and my ability to work with and gain concessions from people who don’t share my views. So there I am trying to be honest but diplomatic, and respectful of him and the other officials he’s bashing, while he rags on me. It was a great exercise and I walked away feeling empowered. But if that had happened to me a few years ago when I was actively judging myself and judging the other person, I would have reacted very negatively. Instead, I calmly and accurately assessed the situation, listened without judgment, and responded with kindness and respect. One of the protest organizers told him not to blame me and another friend stepped in to defend me; but even without their help, this man and I were able to conclude the discussion with humor.

I think we judge ourselves and others when we’re afraid that maybe we aren’t good enough to meet the demands of our lives. Other people are more of a threat then, too. When we learn to trust ourselves and the universe, and accept ourselves as the flawed creatures that we are, we can begin to relax, become more aware and live more fully in each moment. Then we’re not a threat to other people, either. We start to break down walls that needn't exist.

Chelsey, your friend is in my prayers.

Chelsey,
Keeping a good thought for your friend Vanessa.

Margarita

chelsey, thoughts of you and veronica. chin up.

diane: heard about that tree story. didn't know you were so personally involved. i'm a tree-hugger, and feel like no matter how big a highway is, there are never enough lanes anyway, so what's the point in destroying the view? fight the good fight.

i wanted to add to the judging thread. it's mind-boggling how pre-conditioned we are to judge people. i mean, check out all the reality shows where you have to weed out the "lessors" - pop idol, making the band, survivor, and so on. it's ridiculous. sizing people up gets pretty fricking exhausting wouldn't you say? there's got to be a better way to spend your time. lookey there, i just thought of three ways in two seconds. :)

Hm. Tricky question.

Depends what you mean by judge. A few people have mentioned renaming 'judge' to mean reviewing your life, or assessing yourself; i certainly agree that it is important to observe your life and to learn from your experiences, but i think this is a very different concept than judging.

Judgement is never, can never be, a purely private or internal process. You always need something to judge against - whether it be another person, a religion, a set of morals, whatever...judgement implies something external which can be set up as a yardstick to measure yourself against, or to measure others, to see what is good and what is bad, right and wrong. Even if you are trying to judge yourself based on your own morals, ethics, conscience, where did these ideals come from if not from outside of the self, if not from religion, law, society, interaction with others? Any persons own personal belief system is still only that, only beliefs and choices, not by any means a universal impartial yardstick. Most people are aware that whatever they strongly believe is probably disbeleived just as strongly by someone else in the world, and that there is ultimately no logical way to prove which belief is 'right' if either, if not both (or all!). I can't honestly say that because a belief system is true for me, that it is therefore True, and Right, and Good (although many faithful/religious people may disagree with me here).

This fundamental doubt is my basis for trying not to judge other people, but also a big reason to not 'judge' myself. If my belief system, what i think is right and wrong, is partial, subjective, than i can't be a 'better person' just for sticking closely to my beliefs - my beliefs are no guarantee of Truth or Goodness, they are just my own personal choices. And i don't award points for consistency. I would be worried if my beliefs didn't change, if i didn't make mistakes, if i didn't beleive some things that contradicted each other, it would mean i wasn't open to learning anything new. But it seems ridiculous to me to try to judge myself at all, by my beliefs or those of others, when doubt is such a part of the human condition. If i can't know what is True, Good or Bad, how can i know if i am Good or Bad?? It's not for me to say. Don't know who does know, if anyone, but it aint me...!

Saying all that, however...People judge. All the time. I do. By appearances, by reputation, by character, by lifestyle, by actions. More than any one belief system, what we are taught as children is to judge, to discriminate, to prefer, to make choices. And we internalise that tendency, it's a huge shared social habit. And it's not so entirely unfounded. We all put signals as to Who We Are out into the world, for everyone to read and evaluate. Judge. We regulate behaviour based on our shared judgements of what is 'legal' or 'moral', which seems a sensible way to prevent some people from harming others - but is also an incredibly effective way of perpetuating our shared reality, our shared values. The problem comes when the 'judgement' enters the mix, the illusion that there is some hierarchy of good and bad in reality, and that our shared system of ethics reflects that; or that one religion, or character type, or body, or lifestyle, is 'better' than another, just because 'I' decide so.

Judgement is an easy and familiar pattern to fall into. It's a difficult thing to remember all the time, that fundamentally I don't KNOW anything about anything, that i can't judge, only make choices. But it's what I am aiming for. Trying my best. Be kind. Be patient. Empathy. Compassion. Understanding. My personal goals. Not right - just mine. And I'm not going to beat myself up whenever i don't live up to these ideals - life is hard! Sometimes i am going to be angry or depressed or lazy, or even - gasp! - mean! I can only do what i can do.

Pobody's Nerfect.

PS - Chelsey: thinking of you and Veronica.

Hm. Tricky question Paul.

Depends what you mean by judge. A few people have mentioned renaming 'judge' to mean reviewing your life, or assessing yourself; i certainly agree that it is important to observe your life and to learn from your experiences, but i think this is a very different concept than judging.

Judgement is never, can never be, a purely private or internal process. You always need something to judge against - whether it be another person, a religion, a set of morals, whatever...judgement implies something external which can be set up as a yardstick to measure yourself against, or to measure others, to see what is good and what is bad, right and wrong. Even if you are trying to judge yourself based on your own morals, ethics, conscience, where did these ideals come from if not from outside of the self, if not from religion, law, society, interaction with others? Any persons own personal belief system is still only that, only beliefs and choices, not by any means a universal impartial yardstick. Most people are aware that whatever they strongly believe is probably disbeleived just as strongly by someone else in the world, and that there is ultimately no logical way to prove which belief is 'right' if either, if not both (or all!). I can't honestly say that because a belief system is true for me, that it is therefore True, and Right, and Good (although many faithful/religious people may disagree with me here).

This fundamental doubt is my basis for trying not to judge other people, but also a big reason to not 'judge' myself. If my belief system, what i think is right and wrong, is partial, subjective, than i can't be a 'better person' just for sticking closely to my beliefs - my beliefs are no guarantee of Truth or Goodness, they are just my own personal choices. And i don't award points for consistency. I would be worried if my beliefs didn't change, if i didn't make mistakes, if i didn't beleive some things that contradicted each other, it would mean i wasn't open to learning anything new. But it seems ridiculous to me to try to judge myself at all, by my beliefs or those of others, when doubt is such a part of the human condition. If i can't know what is True, Good or Bad, how can i know if i am Good or Bad?? It's not for me to say. Don't know who does know, if anyone, but it aint me...!

Saying all that, however...People judge. All the time. I do. By appearances, by reputation, by character, by lifestyle, by actions. More than any one belief system, what we are taught as children is to judge, to discriminate, to prefer, to make choices. And we internalise that tendency, it's a huge shared social habit. And it's not so entirely unfounded. We all put signals as to Who We Are out into the world, for everyone to read and evaluate. Judge. We regulate behaviour based on our shared judgements of what is 'legal' or 'moral', which seems a sensible way to prevent some people from harming others - but is also an incredibly effective way of perpetuating our shared reality, our shared values. The problem comes when the 'judgement' enters the mix, the illusion that there is some hierarchy of good and bad in reality, and that our shared system of ethics reflects that; or that one religion, or character type, or body, or lifestyle, is 'better' than another, just because 'I' decide so.

Judgement is an easy and familiar pattern to fall into. It's a difficult thing to remember all the time, that fundamentally I don't KNOW anything about anything, that i can't judge, only make choices. But it's what I am aiming for. Trying my best. Be kind. Be patient. Empathy. Compassion. Understanding. My personal goals. Not right - just mine. And I'm not going to beat myself up whenever i don't live up to these ideals - life is hard! Sometimes i am going to be angry or depressed or lazy, or even - gasp! - mean! I can only do what i can do.

Pobody's Nerfect.

PS - Chelsey: thinking of you and Veronica.

Ooops. How did that happen?!? This must be one of those mistakes I'm not judging myself for making...erm...

"How do you Judge yourself?"

A) In my former years, too harshly.
B) In my current years, too leniently probably.;-)

I'm not a perfectionist--which is great, since I don't hold myself to critical standards. I usually accomplish things with an 85-90% success rate. If the "gist" of it gets done, great. Success! It's usually not as neat as so-and-so would have done it, but hey...did anyone die? Is the world collapsing because of it? Then it's fine. Call it lazy, but I prefer to sit on my couch crocheting a scarf for our babysitter, watching the snow fall, then get out there and run five miles in it just so I can say that I did. ;-)

You're shocked, I'm sure--Ya take what ya gets...
Dhiana ;-)

Chelsey, I also send my prayers for you and Veronica.

I try to only judge myself according to my standards. I think inside we know what 'right' and 'wrong' is, regardless of what we've been taught or conditioned to think. It's like a little pin prick in the back of the head, noticeable sometimes, blocked out at other times. It's always there though, I believe. We have only to listen to it.

I think Judging is a good thing. It keeps us in line. It's a way to figure out where we are, and what we're doing. Checks and balances. When it becomes destructive instead of constructive is when I think the line passes from judgement to judgemental. Regarding oneself in a judgemental manner cuts our self asteem and distorts reality. I try to be kind to myself but at the same time honest and helpful. Judgement on oneself is a tightrope we have to walk, constantly checking the balancing sway between easy acceptance and harsh criticism.

Regarding other people is a whole other story though, at least for me. I try not to judge others at all. I'm not always successful, but hey, nobodies perfect. It's when you come across someone with completely different morals than yourself that you're really tested. I find myself instantly and mindlessly jumping to conclusions. Then I take a step back emotionally and remind myself that they aren't me. But this doesn't happen all the time. It's easier when the person is someone you come in contact with a lot. It's very easy to judge people you meet who you know you'll never see again. Point in fact, road rage? Sneering at someone in a store, for whatever reason. Driving through a certain type neighborhood with people around outside giving you dirty looks as you pass by. It's very easy to pass out opinions about others in these cases. I find myself in the car with others who get very upset and almost outraged when they are cut off in traffic or see someone driving very fast and dangerously. I remind myself that I don't know what they are thinking or going through, and thus have no bussiness making assumptions. Until I've been that person for a lifetime, I'm not going to judge them for anything. But like I said, that's in a perfect world. I still do judge people harshly in everyday life, maybe cause it's easier and takes less time and thought.

V survived the night, thank God. Thanks for all your prayers, and please continue them, I know they help.

chels.

Loving what I am reading!!!!

My thoughts to Chelsey and to Veronica.

My answer to the question is as little as possible. And whilst I fail in that quest on a daily basis the good news is I also succeed in that quest on a daily basis.

A judge is a higher power who sits above and delivers verdicts on those below. So to judge ourselves is to automatically put ourselves down and thats before we get the verdict!!!? YE GODS lets throw out the judge, blow up the court house and get on with our lives without the omni present hammer happy voice in the back of our heads describing the sentence and dishing out the penance.

I am not talking about the world of law that we live in, I am talking about our own personal judges vying for the same airspace as our spirit guides and fairy friends. Who do you listen to more?! Who sits on your shoulder whispering the sweet nothings of your own minds insecurity?

We dont judge what is good about ourselves! We feel good about ourselves, we pat ourselves on the back when we do good or be proud over an occomplishment. We then judge what we didnt do so good, judge why we shouldnt be so proud and then pretty much spoil it all by placing ourselve in jail - that place which makes us feel pretty shitty about ourselves.

I am rambling. the point is dont judge - I am not even sure re-evaluating is that much different. Lets instead praise. Praise your successes and praise your mistakes.

I praise Jody for being able to express herself and for being able, through that, to look, listen and learn. What might be sad is if she doesnt do that but then again then choice is hers. If we learn to praise our choices, our decisions, who we are or in fact who we are becoming, how long do you think we will put up with less than what we deserve, less than what we are.

To not judge may indeed be impossible in this lifetime, but to begin the change now, isnt.

To not judge...yes, challenging yet possible..the lifetime journey towards achieving it amazes me. Another welcomed step towards towards self-actualization.

Chelsey:
Still keeping a good thought for you & your friend Vanessa.

Best to you & to all,
Margarita

Firstly, Chelsey I too am thinking of your friend Vanessa and wishing her all the best and a speedy recovery.

Secondly, Jody's post made me think about "What the hell is a mistake anyway? Who defines what a mistake is?" For me calling something a mistake often feeds into my self-destructive judgmentalism, giving me yet another opportunity to tear myself down. I'm not saying there are no mistakes, but I think our society is very eager in calling things "mistakes" in its competitive superiority battle. Why should I have to call my best effort at a given point in time a mistake? Isn't there something positive in it? It is a choice and a matter of how I look at a situation.

Having just gone through weeks or months of very harsh self-judgment, I came to the point where I told myself enough is enough and told myself to stop being so judgemental about myself and questioning my every move/thought/action. Life is so much more fun! :-) and the emotional storm is spent, at least for now ...I'm sure the next bout of self-judementalism will come... but there is after all a learning curve involved.

jody: as you know, you're never too old to follow your dreams. and when you're 50 you'll look back at 30 and say, what the hell was i thinking??? but, whatever, you're not 50. some would say, here's your chance to start with a clean slate and leave the past where it belongs...in the past. i, though, don't say that. take yourself warts and all.

what's that saying?? life is what happens to you while you're making plans.

look, you say you don't know who you are anymore. then start with what you do know. you know you want to live in a place that takes cats, so when that lease is up get a move on. sounds silly, but hey, one step at a time right?

anyway, i don't know if any of this helps, but it actually kind of helped me, so thanks for letting me share.

i've mentioned this workbook before in an earlier thread, but check out "the artist's way." it's a great guide to unlocking your creative side and a help to harnessing those dreams.

Paul,

In response to your question is this: At times we judge ourselves in the mirror. There is a qoute from Matthew 7:1 Judge not, lest ye be judged. Basically it's saying we should not jugde other people in spite of anger or thought. Judgement comes from God, not us. That reminds me of Psalms 100:3 It is He that hath made us and not we ourselves, we are His people and the sheep of His pasture. That is my response.

Sara

Paul, don't worry, I have DEFINITELY learned from my mistakes. I am much more confident about saying no to people; I no longer preoccupy myself with what others may think of my decisions.

The only problem is like I said before, being deep in what I never planned for, and having a tough time finding my way back to the right road.

But now Evelyn's recent post has me thinking, why call any of it a mistake? If you believe in predetermination, then I did everything I was supposed to do, and I am where I am for some unknown purpose. If you don't believe in predetermination, there are still no real mistakes because, although we all LOVE to do this, NO ONE has the psychic ability to see what could have been. "Should" have been is far different from "could" have been; "should" is a creation our mind; "could" is forever unknown, really.

And honestly, I'm getting tired of being angry at myself, and God (yes, I was angry at God for a long time.) I want to get my spirituality back, but I'm not rushing anything. I'm trying to let time heal the wounds, while looking to move myself back onto the right track. I am a good person. I live my life, I try not to hurt anyone, I try hard at my job (although like I said, it may not be for me.)

Maybe the only thing still holding me back is that I need "me" as a friend again. But again, I'm not rushing anything.

a quick break from judging: saw the doctor today. claimed i have acid reflux (no gall bladder problems--yeah) have to watch diet, not eat after 6:30, stay away from alcohol, caffeine and spicy foods. There goes my main staples in life. Thanks for everyone's concern earlier. Believe me, I'll be sleeping much better tonight knowing it's nothing really serious. (Have to tell you, tho, I was really getting scared for awhile. The mind can play all kinds of funky games.) I'll deal with the judging issue later.
Gonna go have a glass of pale ale. (Only kidding.) Night all.

Gee! I miss a couple of days and now we are all about Judging ones self.
I judge myself way to harsh most of the time, but letting things lighten up as I get older. Like Dhiana, I would rather sew, knit, crochet or even read than do the housework that my mother has expected me to keep done up every day since I can't remember when. I've have a new motto: "If you are coming to see me come on in, If you are coming to see my house, call at least 2 weeks before arriving." I'm also working on that problem of Judging others, because you don't know what the world has dealt them until "You walk a mile in their shoes".
I figure we have all done things that we are not too proud of, but at the same time we have all done great things that maybe no one knows we were responsible for but us. (Anonymous Gestures of Good Will)
Encouragement for Jody: Get the resume's out in the field you would rather work in. Start looking for a new place to live that allows pets.
No one says you have to quit cold turkey and look for another position. (Sometimes that is beyond our control.) You needn't move out into the street while shopping around for the perfect place to live. Is this making any sense.
And as for being where you wanted to be at the age of 30, you're Okay. Do you have those family members that every time they see you want to know when you are going to find the right guy and settle down? There's no satisfying answer for these people.
Chelsey: Hope things are better for Veronica and my best to you both.
Well the mind wandered off, so will end for tonight. Will go clean light fixtures. Son and DIL will be here next Wed. Night and the house is a wreck. Really!!!!
Hugs all around.
Sherrlyn

P.S. Paul: How was the visit with Mom, wonderful I'm sure since you don't get that visit very often.

Gee! I miss a couple of days and now we are all about Judging ones self.
I judge myself way to harsh most of the time, but letting things lighten up as I get older. Like Dhiana, I would rather sew, knit, crochet or even read than do the housework that my mother has expected me to keep done up every day since I can't remember when. I've have a new motto: "If you are coming to see me come on in, If you are coming to see my house, call at least 2 weeks before arriving." I'm also working on that problem of Judging others, because you don't know what the world has dealt them until "You walk a mile in their shoes".
I figure we have all done things that we are not too proud of, but at the same time we have all done great things that maybe no one knows we were responsible for but us. (Anonymous Gestures of Good Will)
Encouragement for Jody: Get the resume's out in the field you would rather work in. Start looking for a new place to live that allows pets.
No one says you have to quit cold turkey and look for another position. (Sometimes that is beyond our control.) You needn't move out into the street while shopping around for the perfect place to live. Is this making any sense.
And as for being where you wanted to be at the age of 30, you're Okay. Do you have those family members that every time they see you want to know when you are going to find the right guy and settle down? There's no satisfying answer for these people.
Chelsey: Hope things are better for Veronica and my best to you both.
Well the mind wandered off, so will end for tonight. Will go clean light fixtures. Son and DIL will be here next Wed. Night and the house is a wreck. Really!!!!
Hugs all around.
Sherrlyn

P.S. Paul: How was the visit with Mom, wonderful I'm sure since you don't get that visit very often.

Paul, I concur! (My post earlier was in tune with what you said)

Take care. :)

Hi guyz!

Guess what, I'm writing my Grade 11 final english literary exam today on, OTHELLO, SOUTH AFRICAN POETRY and....... STRICTLY BALLROOM!

Studied hard, not that I had to, strictly ballroom is just one of those amazing films!!
Its been in the syllabus for Grade 12 film study for 10 years in my region in South Africa.

Well wish me good luck!
Natz.

Congrats Jodie!! You spoke, you listened (to you) you learnt, you grew... takes a brave and honest person to speak and act! As others have said one step at a time, you will realize you deserve what you deserve and stop accepting 2nd or 3rd best as the alternative. We all must learn that! And while we figure we should/could be our own best friend some times we have to learn to like ourselves and also learn to like what we dont like about ourselves - yin/yang balance and harmony - accepting all of us not as good or bad but just US.

Kaye Lynne, no caffine, alcohol or spicy food hey?? I guess that just leaves sex!? Hopefully that will be enough?!

Still sending healing and loving thought to Chelsey and Veronica.

Sherryln, I have had a great visit with my Mum. Tonight she told me I was her best friend! I am privilaged to have a friend like her not to mention a Mum like her!

Natalie, no doubt you aced your exam!!!

Judging and approval seem to be so linked I wonder if they are at all different entity's? The search for approval leads to judgement. The ideals of being accepted and approved of, lead to being worthy or not, opening ourselves to the right and wrongs of the world - there by judgement of wether we fit or not.

Fuck I dont think I fit at all and then I fit so well it really pisses me off. LOL But there we have it, there is only two side to the one whole.

But doesnt that make three?

No, five...you forgot the inside and the outside.

;-)
~Dhi

No, seriously, I totally get what you are saying.

I used to wear what was "in" and act "in". Then I hated myself, so I wore what was outrageous and acted out. But that wasn't me either...because in recognizing the "norm" and either catering to it, or work like hell against it, you are still recognizing that it IS the status quo.

How can you NOT recognize the status quo?

INDIVIDUALISTIC thinking. And I fear I won't see that in this generation, nor the next. Not until some major event occurs to ACCEPT EVERY individual as IS.

Not pissed off, just ranked about this, because it IS such a prevalent THING in this world.

How to change that? Certainly not by the clothes you wear...

Peace,
Dhiana

Everyone has had so many good things to say lately, It's been enlightning and fun to read.

Another comment on judging. It's funny how, especially in the catholic religion, only God is suppose to be the only real Judge. I always loved the Mary Magdalene story when Jesus said "He who is without sin cast the first stone". It seems in my experience it's the really religious people who sit in judgement of others the most. It drives me crazy. I have an uncle who got religion about 5-10 years ago. I think he is 65 now. He's always telling everyone what they do wrong in their lives. If they do this or that they won't make it to heaven. And the way he interpretes the Bible is warped. I am not a believer of any one religion but I have always liked the stories about Jesus because he said and did some pretty amazing stuff no matter how distorted it's become over the last 2000 years.

Here's an example: When my dad was sick with cancer, his 6 brothers and sisters and a few other people started a rosary night on Mondays to pray for him. I thought it was a good way for them to bond and spend time together. I never went, not because I'm not catholic anymore and I was more concerned with taking care of my dad. One night my Aunt asked if she could bring a friend of hers who happens to be gay. Well my Uncle absolutly would not have it. As far as he was concerned all gay people are going to hell because the bible says its wrong. I don't think I need to go into how wrong that is. But this is a common belief that many religious catholic people have. It's like they think they have some right to jugde because the go through the routine of being a devout catholic. Like there is some fast track to a good spot in the afterlife because they go to church and whatnot. I just don't understand how many catholic people think it's acceptable to judge. It's almost like my Uncle thinks he's closer to God than the rest of us, so it's okay for him to judge. When in all actuality he is the worst of "sinners" because, according to his religon, only God has the right to judge.

When we found out the cancer was going to get my dad, my Uncle came over and brought him a book to read, it was called "Everything you need to know on how to get to heaven". That is the best example I can use to describe why I'm not catholic. How the hell could anyone write a book like that unless they are dead. There is know way you can tell me that Jesus would be pleased with the rules and regulations the church has come up with to put fear in people and control their lives. If you do the research you will see how many times that the people in power have twisted and manipulated the bible and religion to control people. And there is no way you can tell me that a 80 year old man who looks like he is half dead has anything to do with the decisions that are made in the catholic church.

I know I'm catholic bashing, but in reality there are two sides to that coin as well. There are many good catholic people who follow their hearts and do very good things. But sometimes it seems more like people use it to put themselves in a position of power. And that trickles all the way down to my Uncle who thinks he has the right to tell everyone else what is wrong about they way they live their lives.

Kay Lynne, Good to hear you're doing better.
Chelsey, I'm sorry about your friend Veronica and I hope she pulls through okay.
Natalie, Good luck on your test.
Paul, I know what you mean about feeling like you fit so well sometimes and then others times you don't fit at all.

sallie: i'm a recovering catholic, too. cheers on the comments.

hey, so i'm going down to nashville for a month or so beginning in december to take care of mom when she starts her hep c treatments. i'm taking the laptop, so i'm hoping i can stay in touch with all of you.

speaking of judgmental, or should i say judge-mental, nothing tests patience and judgement like spending time with family over the holidays. any of the U.S. clan got any interesting thanksgiving plans?

Hello everyone
Sorry I haven’t joined in for a while – busy at work and a stinking cold
There are some really interesting things being said about judgement which have as usual got me thinking about what I think about it all.
I think there’s a difference between judgement (what do I think about people I know) and prejudice (what do I think about people I don’t know) As far as the latter goes, sure I feel prejudice all the time but I don’t voice it or act on it and am open to the probability that I’m wrong. I think its hard to force myself not to have prejudice especially since its usually grounded in ignorance and however smart I am, I’m not yet smart and knowing about every type of person until I come in contact with them, but at least I can be aware of the prejudice and try not to let it affect my judgement or behaviour. Ooops, said judgement. .
As far as judgement of people I know goes, I’m pretty opinionated. No, scratch that. I’m very opinionated. But people will do what people will do and I know that everyone is just trying to do the best they can with what they’ve got and where they are. No-one is going along saying, today I’m going to be particularly stupid or short sighted or bad. And that includes myself. Everybody’s trying to get it right. Everybody means well.
And as for judging yourself, its hard not to do when you don’t feel happy with your life. And if you judged your friends as harshly as you judged yourself, why, then you’d have no friends. But it’s such a waste of time. Whoever did well when they were being criticized? I once read one of those awful “Business Management “books called the 3 Minute Manager. They’re ALL awful by the way. Paul whatever you do, never work for a Big Multinational Corporation. But this book had one gem of truth in it. It recommended that instead of managers trying to catch their employees doing something wrong, they should every day try to catch them doing something right. And its SO true. If you want people (and this includes yourself) to do the best they can, then you have to focus on the things they do well, not the things they do badly. If I knock myself back for doing something crap, then I find another twenty things to nag myself about and end up feeling inadequate and defensive. And then I go about acting defensively and the result is inevitable - and bad. But if I feel good about myself then I feel positive and every possibility is open, and I feel free to be whatever I want to be.
However I think that a key factor in not judging yourself is to be happy. I know, it’s a chicken and egg thing. If you’re unhappy you judge yourself, so you have less confidence to fix things so you remain unhappy. And it is so hard to stop knocking yourself if you know that you’re in a bad situation, or haven’t done or got the thing that you feel you were put on this planet for.
What Jody said resonated with me. When I was thirty I felt inadequate because I didn’t have a husband, children, and I had a “good” job that wasn’t what I wanted to do. And now I have two children, which was what I knew I wanted above all other things (and thought I couldn’t have because I mistakenly believed I was infertile). And bingo! I don’t judge myself harshly any more. In fact I think I’m doing great! Oh by the way I still have the “good” job, and I still don’t have the husband (rather the not-so-great partner, whom I’m not very close to or ever want to marry). But I don’t feel inadequate any more because I “got” what I really really wanted which was children who I love more than life itself. So I guess I’m saying you can’t always (ever?) get everything that you feel is missing (i.e. a husband, and a satisfying job, and, and, and ) , but if you concentrate on finding out what is the one REALLY important thing out of the lot for you, Jody, then you WILL get it. I promise.
Cue song. “You can’t always get what you want…..”

There, much rambling, probably off the point so I'll stop now. Do please skip the boring bits

Lots of love to all
Lesley

P.S Having said how I don’t judge myself any more, of course I do . . . when it comes to my kids. Monday I’m the best mum in the world. Tuesday, I should send for social services to come and rescue them. But strangely my kids are also the only area where I feel guilty. I’ve done a few naughty things in my time and I can assure you I’m almost impervious to guilt in every other area. What does this mean? Is there some weird relationship between guilt and judgement?
P.P S Good news Kay Lynne. Acid reflux is a nasty old thing to have but at least its fixable. Good luck with the new diet!

i try not to judge myself... but i see myself in other peoples eyes, and see their judgement. they see someone that looks like jabba the hutt, but if they knew me hopefully they would see the inside instead of the outside... then id look young, beautiful and attractive. i actually believe that if someone would look at me and see something OTHER than the outside... then i would blossom like a rose, and the outside would catch up with the inside.... so your latest feelings, like most of your posts, reflect exactly what i am feeling. except you have a family. im not gettin younger, and i cant be in the occupation i want most (wife) but i go on and so do you. you are very much cared for by your friends here. please keep telling us what is happening in your life, and please dont get depressed, cause you HAVE a wonderful wife and family, that matters the most i think! thats what id judge myself by if i was you!!!!!!

Myra, You seem to be saying you are the thorns on the outside and the rose on the inside. It makes it a bit hard to get to the rose those bloody thorns hurt. So What the hell, show the world who you are!!! Blossom like a rose anyway - dont wait for some one to make you do it. Blossom girl and lead the way, you may or may not have potential suitors lining up but I reckon you will attract the ONE.

Sallie, I think what you are saying about catholics (without being overly general) is true but it equally applies to most if not all religions. As a follower you are coerced into certain actions under the judgement of god and the fear of not making it to who evers version of heaven. Show me a religion that does not use fear to manipulate, that does not rewrite it's rule book (bible etc)to suit those in power at the top of the chain.... just show me a religion that actually practises unconditional love, unconditional compassion.... yeah a my as well stop cos there is not one. It is up to the individual to to live their life as they see it - it is up to us to take those first steps. Often joining a group who provides support and strength also requires one to take on the groups fears and prejudices - then it's all about being accepted and not judged.

Dhiana, I still say 3. You may have to explain!?

Paul,
I'd have to say we are on the same page about religion. There are also a lot of good people who have unconditional love and compassion and are also religious. They take whats good out of it and overlook the bad. I think I do that with many diferent religions. I take what I like and leave the rest to the scoundrels.

Sallie

Paul,
you took the words right out of my keyboard;
Myra, be yourself and to hell with other
people's opinions. You can't please everyone, and those who decide who you are by how you look are just going to have to come around to your point of view. It's funny how after you've known people for a while, you don't think of them in terms of appearance at all. Just do what you want to do, and live your life. @-->-->--
In my experience, religion is used to keep one group "in" and everyone else out, no matter how tolerant they seem. I always figured, you believe in God or you don't. If you do, do the details matter? If they don't, a lot of people have died over nothing, and if they do, how can any one group be so arrogant as to assume they have the one true way?
I think "fits in side" (1), "doesn't fit in side" (2), "the whole" (3) "inside" (4) "outside" (5), if that helps...maybe not, :). I'll stick with 2 myself, inside and outside.
This is quite the discussion, love it!
hugs

Off the beaten track, Texas asked about the Holidays. Son and DIL are coming in from N.O. on Wednesday, will dine on mexican food with my sister wed. nite. Thursday we go to my mom and dad's for the day. I'm cooking the bird, dressing and dessert. With Dad's strict diet it will be an interesting meal. Sister isn't going, she's on the out's with dad. Tried to get them to come to her house, they don't like her spouse (he's been abusive to sis and the older children). Mom thinks it is too much trouble hauling dad's oxygen around. They may as well get used to it, the Dr.'s already told them that he will be on oxygen 24/7 soon. We go back to sister's Thursday nite for leftover's and dessert.
Friday We shop til we drop. Haven't done that in years. As for Christmas, we will have to wait and see, but probably will be at Mom and Dad's. I'm not sure what we are doing gift wise, I bought clothes for my son and will give equal value in gift certificates to DIL unless she finds something while they are here.
Well I still have 2 lights to clean and put globes on so best go.
Hugs all around,
Sherrlyn

Paul, I was just being a pest about the inside and outside making 5. Just a little play on perspective.

;-)

OFF to Tennessee for Thanksgiving! (in-laws...will try to make the best of things...be nice, polite, no digs, no chanting at the dinner table...)

Peace,
Dhi

Paul and everyone:
On the subject of religion. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. Long story short I am not one now, however my wife is. Coming out of that is like being detoxed. I mention this only because their love is a conditional one. Only if you follow every rule and without questioning do they accept you. And if you begin to doubt...they start rejecting you..even before they kick you out. In which case like mine, family and old "friends" will not even talk to you. Literally.
How appropriate this is to judging. When it comes to religious ideals and professional expectations and those standards set upon us by other men/women we have to do what we can and what we feel is honest.
Personally I can relate to not being where you want to be at some time, but you just have to keep focusing on the future. I just had my nose surgery yesterday. Partly to help my sleep apnea and then I got a nose job thrown in...to make me feel good on the outside.
Just a thought.
All my best to everyone.
Tim

Congratulations, Tim! Hope you are pleased with the results of your surgery.

Kay Lynne, I'm glad to hear that it's just acid reflux. My husband takes prevacid for that condition. He has the ocassional beer. It may be a pain to adjust your diet, but better than surgery, huh?!

Texas, thanks for your encouragement. The tree is still standing tonight, but the battle goes on. Best wishes to your mom!

Myra, I think when you start seeing yourself as a rose both inside and out, others will see you the same way. So what if our society emphasizes youth and narrow standards for beauty that you and I and about 95% of the humans on our planet can never achieve. When those who judge on looks alone awaken to life, they'll be sorry they wasted so much time on the frivolous. In the meantime, you will glow when your realize how beautiful you truly are.

Paul, I agree with much of what you wrote about judging and religion. Organized religions are often used to intimidate, manipulate and control people. (That one of many reasons I'm no longer a Catholic.) Wasn't it Karl Marx who called religion the opiate of the masses? For those who are careful not to fall into that trap, affiliation can offer people a way to connect to a support group. We're off this evening to support a friend at our temple whose husband died suddenly on Tuesday night. Real connections to other humans are vital and we can get to them in different ways.

Hope you all enjoy your weekend/holiday and your travels are safe!

Diane

mercurio, you start some great posts...thanks

myra, you beat yourself up pretty good - not one to offer advice, but here it comes anyway...value yourself, you're worth it....the other posts say it better...read and reread them for a shot in the arm or psyche..

congrats on the surgery tim - you've had quite the journey...always difficult to break away from what we know and think we trust - some don't make it.

while at the gym, saw news about guy staying in tree to save it...diane, wondered if that was your tree..figure the odds..didn't get to hear where they were at...

arrived at this site because of a little movie and stayed because of the crowd...wow!

Not like I'm going to get to really enjoy my dinner or anything this year (hmpfh), what's the strangest thing any of you are making for Thanksgiving this year?

As far as the food is concerned, like Paul said, so I can't have spice or caffeine, or... at least sex isn't cut out. Well, Mom and family are coming. So much for the sex. Guess I'll watch some football.

Actually, with the help of fellow "poster" Sherrlyn, I think I have this thing down to a science.

Actually, it's not about food, it all boils down to the time you get to spend with loved ones. Remember to cherish and treasure it.

Cheers to all!

Hi, Bluedog! The tree-sitter you heard about is probably ours. John Quigley has been up there for most of the last three weeks. He's a brave man, especially with the high winds we've had lately and the reappearance of some menacing 'teens.

The latest: The county won't back down. They want the road at all costs. The developer is now disputing the age of the tree and preparing to move it to a planned park-site down the block. Most arborists (except the tree service that stands to make a quarter of a million dollars on the deal) are saying the tree won't survive the move. John and his supporters are holding out for a better offer because the group that negotiated with the developer to save this tree three years ago were promised better. "Old Glory", as the kids have named it, has become the symbol of all the beauty we've lost here in the name of progress. People are sick and tired of the status quo, but now they're starting to believe they might actually be able to change it. Staying the course will be the next challenge.

Thanks for asking. 'll keep you posted.

hello all

i came to this website a couple months ago to learn about Paul, and now i've found myself learning about so many other beautiful people! thanks for sharing....

i used to judge myself (especially in high school), comparing myself to what the world/media sees as ideal. it really got me down and i felt hopeless. after i graduated, i came to the realization that i have only one chance at this life, one chance in this body, one chance with this mind. i decided to make the best of it, use my talents, further my education. i decided to be thankful for what i've got, rather than what i dont have.

i remind myself of this- i have only one chance- every time i feel upset/angry/unaccepted and it really does lift be up. be thankful, thats it.

cheers, Leah

Hello all, and welcome to Bluedog and Leah. Leah, that "one chance" thing is great, I know I'll use it!
Tim, you and I could probably have an interesting interchange about life in and out of the Jehovah's Witness organization.
My plans for Thanksgiving? Well I will be having a traditional dinner of turkey and such but evening supper is always my Mom's fabulous lasagne! Is that strange enough for you Kay Lynne?

Trying to get better with this posting thing...

On the religion discussion - I think that if more organized religions were in actuality what they are supposed to be (mine included), then fewer people would have negative attitudes about them. Just for an example, I'll use Christianity (as it's the one I'm most familiar with). It's awfully hard to tell other people about the love of God while condemning them in the same breath. The "do as I say, not as I do" approach doesn't work very well. Neither does hellfire and brimstone. I get rather put out with people who think that they can "give someone religion" by being hateful. I never joined ANY group because of its critical and judgemental members. That happens to be a personal soapbox of mine so I'll step down now. :)

Let's see, I think the only thing weird about our Thanksgiving is how many pies my dad makes! His average is about 5. Butter chess, pecan, pumpkin, chocolate, and coconut are the usual fare. I guess that wouldn't be considered odd, except that we usually only have 5 people eating, one of whom is only 4 this year! LOTS of pie to go around...not that I'm complaining, mind you!

Everyone have happy and safe holidays!

Mysti

LOL As I was posting that last, my above-mentioned 4-year-old wandered in and asked who that was a picture of. (The picture of Paul with the glass of beer.) So I told her, and she got this thoughtful look on her face, and said as only a 4-year-old can, "He's a cute man!" Just thought I would share. :)

Mysti

Speaking of pies (Mysti)...Does anyone have a good recipe for banana creme pie?

Sallie

this one is pretty good.

5 large egg yolks
1/4 cup cornstarch
3 to 3 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 vanilla bean, split and scraped
3 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/2 ripe banana, mashed
1/4 pound (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
3 pounds of bananas, cut crosswise into 1/2-inch slices
2 cups heavy cream whipped to stiff peaks with 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract and 2 teaspoons granulated sugar
shaved chocolate

In a mixing bowl, combine the egg yolks, cornstarch and 1 cup of the heavy cream. Whisk to blend well. Set aside. Combine the remaining 2 cups cream, 1 1/2 cups of the sugar, and the vanilla bean in a large heavy-bottom saucepan over medium heat, Whisk to dissolve the sugar and bring to a gentle boil, about 10 minutes.

Slowly add the egg yolk mixture, whisking constantly until it thickens, about 5 minutes. Be forewarned: the mixture will break. Don't be alarmed! Pour it into a glass bowl. Press a piece of plastic wrap down over the surface of the mixture to prevent a skin from forming. Let cool completely at room temperature.

When cooled, remove the vanilla bean and pour the mixture into the bowl of an electric mixer. Beat at medium-speed to combine the mixture. If it will not combine, warm another 1/2 cup heavy cream and slowly add it to the mixture. Whip until you have a thick and creamy custard.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. In a mixing bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs, the remaining sugar and the mashed banana. Mix thoroughly. Add the butter and mix well. Press the mixture into a 9-inch pie pan. Bake until browned, about 25 minutes. Remove the pan from the oven and cool, for about 10 minutes.
Garnish with the whipped cream and shaved chocolate.

Thank you so much for taking the time to type out this recipe for me Innussiq. I'm definately going to try it. I'll let you know how it turns out. I've spent 10 years perfecting my apple pie. I was looking for something different and I love banana creme. Thanks again, Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Hi Paul and Everyone:

We're going to my Mom-in-law's for Thanksgiving dinner this year. She is known for ALWAYS burning the tops of the rolls. I learned from my mom that you put the rolls in a paper grocery sack and wet the sack down. Not soaking, just damp. Then stick the sack (with the rolls inside) of cource, in the oven and when the sack is dry, the rolls are hard on the outside and soft and warm on the inside. The best!!

I hope this doesn't sound funny, but is Thanksgiving just an American holiday? How is it celebrated maybe with a different name, in other places. Like Austrailia? Hmmmmmm?

Hope all is well with you and your family Paul. Now that we're up against the X-mas season. So much fun.

So many new people..I've enjoyed reading the posts. As for the judging part? I perfer to use the word "discern". We all make comparisans with others. We can't let it rule our lives.

We have so much to be thankful for this year. I'm thankful to you, Paul, and Cat, for providing this forum, and to all who contribute.

Love ya

Margie

Thanksgiving is an American tradition. Unfortunately and mostly for commercial reason some of your events ie Thanksgiving and Holloween are being pushed here in Australia. I say unfortunately because it is purely a money making pursuitby big business, not a intimately spiritual understanding of a cultural event.

MMMMMm the bananna pie looks damn fine, I maight even give it a go!!

Happy Thanksgiving to you All!!! There is much to be thankful about :)

Sallie (and whom ever tries the pie), I hope you enjoy, but before you all go thinking I'm so great for typing it..my Husband keeps all his recipies on notebook files on the computer so it was a simple cut and paste. The love is still there though. Right now he's making a cheesecake and I have to go eat some. Bye!

Wow!!

Go looking for Paul 10 years after "the movie" was made and look at what I find. Imagine, in the span of 10 years, the world has had time to invent something so great called the world wide web(actually circa 1989 I think), which has become so prolific that because of it, I can find out what happened to an actor who starred in a movie made 10 years ago in a country way across the ocean just by virtue of typing in his name. Amazing. Well...On with the show!!

Paul - Thank you for allowing this website and hosting Paul's corner. If you're ever in the great white north (Minnesota USA), I'll buy you a pint of your favorite beer or ale. My best to your family.

Judging yourself - Wow!! I kinda knew, but didn't really know until I read all 62 posts that people judge themselves just as harshly as I do myself. Gosh, we're hard on ourselves, people.

I agree with everyone else that we do respond to both internal and external judgements. I think some of the internal judgements are "preset". For those of you with children, you know what I mean, a child may have the same mannerisms or personality as a deceased relative but this child having never met the relative, still manifests those traits that remind you of the deceased.

*Warning - Recovering Catholic Dead Ahead *

My first response to your question, Paul, was religious. Only God can judge us. And, when he does, I had better be prepared for some heavy questions. However, I live my life such that when I die, I can defend my actions or willingly face the consequences. On a few(or more) occaisions, I have made mistakes. I accept that I will make mistakes. I am human. I myself have a few questions for God about my life.

What was it someone once said? At the end of the day, all you can ask yourself is three questions:

Is there blood?
Did anyone die?
Am I doing better today than I was yesterday, at living to my fullest potential?

Somedays the answer to that third question is "No". othe days, the answer is "Yes."

And, as Erma Bombeck once wrote, when she went to work for the first time, if you're just calling to argue with your brother (or in my case, sister) over the last ice cube of mankind, call your father.

Keith

Keith welcome. Much has passed beneath that great bridge of lifes expectations and some of it you will find in this corner. We like to discuss, debate and defile or at the very least imagine it is vital to our on going recoveries. It is amazig to me after ten years people still search out the guy that played that guy and I am pleased to reveal I am but a normal bloke with dreams, ideas and desires - mind I am not sure what people expected other than that?

This corner is dear to me. The people that post here are dear to me. It is an expression of commitment and love to ourselves and others that keeps us coming back and also going on.

May we all keep on going on.

Paul,
Let your conscience be your guide.
If you do this, then you will never have cause to judge yourself.
There are no "rights" and no "wrongs", only the decisions which we must own.

Paul,
Do you know Jesus?

Deltalady, I agree with you. I am also older than most of the people here (60) and agree that as we age we become less judgmental (of ourselves and others). Also, dealing with the possibility of death (cancer, heart attack, quadruple bypass surgery) leads one to be less judgmental and just happy to still be around. I swear I will "introduce" myself one of these days.

Caroline