Paul's Corner

Paul, how would you feel about considering a trip to the States? Take the wife and family and get away from it all for awhile. The hell with the States. Pick someplace exotic. How about Coney Island? lol. just remember, we love you, ok?

Paul, In this fantastic age we live in, we all expect ourselves to be Superman (or woman), you know; take enormous bounds as if they were only a casual stride, but most of the time the reality is that all we can truly manage is one single step at a time. Nobody should expect more of us than that, especially ourselves. Each forward step is valid.
The really tricky part is recognising that you are going in the right direction. Hey....maybe there is no magic "right" direction, ...could be that they are all the right ones.
Each step counts, no exceptions.

One more thought: there are no boundaries, except the ones we choose to see.

You don't need to tread water, mate. You're aleady swimming.

I've got a menu suggestion for your cafe. This one should appeal to the OS visitors.
How about: Koala eggs with barbecued dingo's wings.
What do ya think? Will it sell?

Peter

Congrats on your anniversary, Paul!
You and Andrea have the most important thing in life...each other
and your family.

In a time you have so many things changing
it is wonderful to have the constance of family life.

Lately I've noticed that though I always thought we took life more
serenely as we get older, we don't really have any less doubts, frustrations,
or confusion, maybe we even have more, we just have the experience and
hard-won maturity to say "Bugger this! I am going to dog paddle my way out of this.
Go with the flow..."

And we go on, as has been said, one step at a time.

hugs,
Sally

Kay Lynne, trip to the states with the family??? Is that an offer :) I know 'youse' all love me! We really want to take the kids to Italy, pizza and pasta!!

Peter, Thanks for your thoughts. Regarding your menu ideas....uhhm....yeah....uhhm, I'l keep it in mind - not to put it on the menu!!

Delta Lady, yep, yep and yep. Thanks for the hug :)

oooohh, new cafe name idea:

"Dingos Ate My Baby"

heh heh heh. I think people would dig it.

After taking the time to explore a little more of your site I have to say it communicates an image of someone with many successes to his credit and certainly not a "dog paddler" Paul. I know you probably meant that as a statement of the fact that you'll do whatever you must, to make this work. That persistence will be a determining factor in your inevitable success. But I must say you seem to have the packaging thing down.

I'm just guessing, but you seem to be having a natural mid-life crisis. Don't panic; this anxiety you feel can be a good motivator, causing you to knock on more doors, seek more things and ask more questions. Just be thankful it's happening in the area of your career and not your family life, (Congratulations on 15 years! You nd Andrea have what everyone wants!).

I stumbled into your corner and I've only seen you in SB, but that was enough to convince me that you could act. Combining that talent with a lifetime invested in performing and dancing has to be unbeatable. I was wondering if you had thought about getting a different agent. I think this has to be a good move (sorry agent). There can be no other explaination for your slump other than the fact that you've let yourself go physically and even then I think you're more than just a pretty face. Someone can promote you better.

Having said all this, I must admit that I'll never forget seeing Aiden Quinn for the first time in "Strange Magic" (I just started watching movies exclusivley about 3 or 4 years ago) and thinking "Why is this person in a movie? He's so fat and he's playing Sandra Bullock's love interest!". A few years later I saw him in "Reckless", "The Stars Fell Over Henrietta" and "Haunted"; it was clear that he had been good looking and his looks, though he's very talented, were a big part of his appeal. That's just the way it is for as long as possible. He's lost weight now and he's starring in a movie called "Evelyn" with Peirce Brosnan. I'm sure he's been through some of the same experiences and fears as you. To me he's as handsome as he used to be now that he's lost his weight. You can do this too.

For a seemingly kind hearted person like yourself, "every step is the right step" as Peter said. Personaly, I think you did the right thing staying with your family in Australia though living in LA would make you available for meetings and auditions. Maybe, a new agent and the internet can help you network; that's what is seems to be about: who you know.

I think I mentioned the book "You'll Never Eat Lunch In This Town Again" by Julia Philips and I also recommend a biography written by Roger Corman "How I Made One Hundred Movies in Hollywood and Never Lost a Dime." I thought the books gave real insight into the movie making business. You might enjoy reading them.

And now that I've looked at your pictures I have to point out that you seem to have known this was partially about looks for a long time. You've met some great photographers and you've been a great subject. Treasure your pictures. Make some more.

You could perform as an Orsen Welles or Marlon Brando but you obviously deserve to do the sexy, mature, guy thing for a while longer. Hell, you're one year younger than me! But, oops! You've become a fat ass? You know you have to fix this. I don't think you can let go of that aspect of your personality yet. And certainly not in an acting career you seem to want to continue.

Clearly, the right agent combined with getting into basic good shape, will get things moving forward again Take the holidays for a vacation and then make that agent earn her or his money. If you didn't seem to have what it takes to make it, I'd encourage you to move on to another career. However, I vote that you stick it out and make the necessary sacrifices; ask for that will power and you'll have it. Show everyone what you're made of. And I can't remember the exact words, but it has been said that until you leave the shore you can never reach the other side. The scarry part is not being able to see the other side when you push off (the fortune cookie I got that from said it so much better!). Hang in there!

Congratulations again,
Whitney

Whitney, thanks for the thoughts and the encouragement. I think you are right about me having a mid life crisis. The last couple of years have certainly been transitional for me. I have changed a lot. I do feel as though I have left the shore and as I said I am out in the middle of the ocean - dog paddling for my life!! There are moments where it scares the hell out of me and moments where I find it all very exciting. I cant see the other side but I do know it's there!

One paddle at a time...

Dear Paul,

I really enjoy reading your posts. By writing so transparently about your fears ..and hopes, you hold a mirror up to the rest of us who read them. And that is a good thing.

Quick story. One day everything I was afraid of happened. I was suddenly a single parent without work or assets with two young sons. A beautiful woman named Jean asked me if I believed in miracles (I know..) "Huh?" She asked me again if I thought God could perform a miracle in my life? Silence. She said "If you don't expect it, it won't happen." The first miracle was I believed her. Then the others came. The boys turned out to be my greatest source of strength, by some freak technicality our house wasn't foreclosed on and I was able to finish school and find meaningful work. About 4 years later I met and married a man who loved my children like his own. And so forth.

A piece of your miracle is having supportive family. The rest will come. You may have to release the gears a bit. It's hard to expect miracles if you're running the entire show.

best to you,

Susan

pretty damm amazing!

we all got here because of a movie with a young actor that mesmerized on the screen...with new fans arriving each day (yeah - you'll be okay)

mercurio - it'll get right - new agent and new expectations...

I guess I've seen so much mid-life crisis in action, the words just didn't leap to mind until Whitney used them.

But what is mid-life crisis? The images flow. He: gets a new wife, a new car, and hair replacement. She: slims down, gets a new wardrobe, takes a lover. Okay. Cliches, I know. But those are the choices people make when they think they've chosen the wrong things or people. They think the grass is greener elsewhere. You, Paul, know that the lushness of that grass lies within. What I think you'll find is that, as you grapple with the paddling and struggle with the prospect of undertow, etc, you'll become that actor who has grown beyond the image with which he is associated and become the weighty character actor who can command the right jobs.

Now, as to the spreading posterior... You know that you'll never return to that fantastic 20-year-old body. That body served you well; but you aren't that body anymore. So make feeling fit and healthy your objective and you'll be where you want to be.

Anyway, what Whitney made me think of was the arrogance of youth, when we think there are simple easy answers as contrasted with the confusion of middle age when we know it's more complicated than we anticipated and we become desparate for the answers now because the clock is ticking. When we see it as a process of transformation, it makes more sense. Go with the flow, Brother. I think you're on the right track.

Paul sounds like you have alot on your plate. No matter how strong the current is, I know you'll make it back to shore. I've never stood on your beach or swam in the same waters. Sounds like your waters have been full of sharks and larger predators. You are a caring, kind, understanding, giving and sensitive person. I'm impressed that you are able to keep such admirable qualitys and to remain your true self in such a fish eat fish world that you float in. The fact that you are still able to tread water and bare your sole to others shows that you have a deep inner strengh that will always bring you back to shore.

Right now I'm standing on the 40 SUCKS beach. In 7 weeks I'll turn forty. Turning 20-39 didn't bother me. I don't see 41-50 being a problem either. So why forty? I wasn't standing on he 40 sucks beach until a young spunk on the 30 under beach said I was already on it. I have 7 weeks still LOL. It didn't bother me when I said it but when it rolled off that young spunks lips it sounded different. Okay did any one go though this forty sucks thing? Yea I'll get over it. In a year!

Whitney, Tim and others I'm going to give myself a 40th birthday present. I rise to the challange. I'm going to lose 10 pounds for the big day. I have to have goals. That way even though I look forty I won't feel it Geezz... I hate putting this stuff in writing.

Paul congrats to you and your wife on your 15th Wedding Anniversary. Hey if you want to get away from your beach you and the family are more than welcome to borrow our RV and visit the States. I know some great dirt biking places. We could even swing some dirt bikes for you to ride. Take Care.

Suz

Dear Paul,

Yes, congratulations to you and Andrea on your 15th wedding anniversary! I can barely remember mine, but my husband and I will be married 50 years in 2003...we've gone through the mid-life crises bit, job problems, you name it, but you know what, Paul, WE'RE STILL HERE!

I noticed that in all the categories that you mentioned you were thinking about, you did not mention dancing. My suggestion would make you a manager and owner of a ballroom, and wouldn't you enjoy wonderful name recognition??

In the neigborhood of our large retirement community (9,000 retirees) there is a ballroom dance facility, called "Gold Coast." The place is jumping all the time. The people that come to dance for enjoyment, come from all over south Florida. The ages range from 40s+ (no age restrictions) and the dance floor is so crowded on weekends, that I understand the management is going to open a second facility!

The music is provided by a disc jockey, great music, carefully chosen, and tables surround the dance floor where people can sit and even order food, like sandwiches and beverages. (No liquor.)

On weekends, there is a floor show, usually a professional dance couple, which gives an exhibition of different dance styles.

The charge for this evening is about $10.00 per couple, and that includes the food.

My point is, Paul, is it possible for you to find a backer and open such a business? People love to dress up, and dancing is invigorating and life-affirming at any age. Aussie seniors must also crave a special place where they can dress up, and interact with people of all ages that share the love of music and dancing.

Then, if that could come to fruition, you could call your place,.....you know what!!!!

I'm so happy you are looking for a new agency..have you considered Shanahan Management in Sydney? Tara is one of their clients, also Sam Neill, etc.

Love,
Grandma

Yeah, Suz it did bother me a little more to turn 40, but not that much. I told a friend I wanted a bumper sticker that read "Fuck it all! I'm 40!" He assured me that I'd somehow communicate that sentiment naturally as soon as I hit the big 4 0.

I remember when I turned 30, I saw a magazine with the headline "Who's Who Under 30?". That hurt a little. I hadn't encountered ageism yet.

Well, good luck with the 10lbs. If that's all you need to lose, that probably can be done safely. Drink lots of water. Keep us posted if you want to. Of course, talk to your doc if you're on medication or experiencing any sort of health dilema.

Best,
Whitney

well ,well im a first timer here and have all ready made a connection with you ....i do also think to much!!i am out in the ochen pondering on the questions....will i do art for the rest of my life?? or will i do electronics?? there is an artist in me much more than a sound engineer but ...should i follow my heart or do what is right(or what other people think is right?)...art is my heart.....should i follow my heart??? im still young but want to find my path ...like frost asks us...which road shall i take????

dont worry your problems paul....hotties like you always end up ok..hehe!!congratulations on your anniverisary ...you guys sound like a sweet couple!!

later times!

Dear Grandma Mildred, Thankyou for the idea but the absolute truth is I have always had a dislike of ballroom dancing. Call me a snob but I came from the arts side of the dance floor ie we made ballets that told stories, entertained, educated etc Ballroom is an amazing form of dance but has never been my cup of tea. After SB came out they (people wanting to make money by capitalising on me ) tried to get me to do a ballroom dance video. I said no because I had only trained in ballroom for one month. (during that month I also trained in Flamenco) My art form as a dancer, and a classically trained one at that, was to learn movement - putting it together to tell a story. That is what is magical about Scott (and me) He never danced for the sake of the steps but for the sake of their spirit. I wonder how different the movie may have looked with a ballroom dancer playing the lead? Anyway I digress. I have been advised, requested, persued and scorned for not using my name and the movie to open my own studio, school and dance hall. Simply - it is not in my heart to do so.

I do miss dance and choreography. I teach a little and occassionaly have the oportunity to choreograph and plan to do more in the near future.

I do feel that I am in the process that Diane described. The bulk of that process must come from within me - in fact all of it - and in doing so people will see and accept me as something more than I was.

Susan D, I turn 40 in about three and half months. MMMMMM........... I'm going to celebrate - why? Two choices - to run with it or run from it. Embrace you and celebrate you. What if's, I wish and maybe's, dont get asked to the party!!!

Diane, Sorry dear, can't completely agree with you regarding never regaining a lost youthful body. when I was 35, just before the first of three stop-me-dead-in-my-tracks lower back injuries (part of something even worse), I was fitter, sronger, leaner and healthier than the vast majority of 20 yr olds I see, even the ones I would compete against in running or duathlon. Mind you, I don't see that comparison as being in any way important, except that it's a statement of fact regarding what's reasonably achievable.
No, being fit didn't really make me a better person inside, but when I looked in the mirror I felt good about what I had achieved, considering that I had never been an athletic person in any way until age 28. I guess it's personal.
Our looks are certainly not our measure, but when we look in the mirror, how do we feel about what we see?
Is a little bit of excess fat some glaringly obvious reminder of the result of some real pain that we have experienced? Does it remind us of how we gave in to it? Could I have been stronger?
In my case I know I could not. I was eventually defeated, despite my diligence. Again, I'm not Superman. I was totally floored by life's obstacles.
We all have these challenges thrown at us once in a while. It's just that some seem worse than others. What really matters is how each of us responds to that particular challenge.
If we can look at ourselves, I mean the sum total of us, and we can be happy & satisfied, then that's brilliant. Unfortunately, we can't always do it, but if we choose, we can make changes which work for us instead of against us and hopefully make us eventually feel better.
For me, the frustration is the fact that it's almost impossible for me to run without debilitating pain. But, I'm 90% of the way to overcoming it and until I do I will walk, cycle etc, anything to keep taking those small steps. If I stop trying, there is a danger that I will lose my way. Isn't this often the way life is?
If being leaner and fitter is what we think will help us feel better about ourselves, then we can easily make it happen. Just head for your bicycle instead of the fridge.

Paul, Here's one for you.
The other day I was speaking to a friend named Heather Turland. She is a Commonwealth Games gold medallist in the marathon and a two time City to Surf winner. You would be familiar with her.
She recently asked me if I was back running. It stopped me dead for a moment, because it reminded me of the culmination of all the other crap that had transpired. I told her that all I wanted to do was to be able to enter and finish the City to Surf. That would be enough for now.
She told me that if I entered, she would stand at the finish gates, waiting for me to come in.
She is a great lady.
Two things immediately struck me:
1. I was absolutely overwhelmed by her show of support, especially considering her high profile.
2. I did not want her to be waiting for me, I wanted to beat her in!! (fat chance, but I can always try).

Are there parallels here?

You have a great many folk behind you. You will succeed in whatever you decide is important.

Peter

Mid life Crisis

Whitney,Diane,Paul, you hit the hammer on the nail.
Is that what this is called? The fact there's a lable for these feelings goes to show many people have passed though this door and survived. A right of passage? A lesson in life? Open the door here I come!

I have to remember I have true friends of all ages and they see what is inside of me first. That's why they're still here. Okay I can get though this. It's only a year right? LOL. I know when each door closes a new one opens. Sometimes I need a kick though it.

Adf, Koala eggs and dingo wings? LOL. Is that what you serve at your house?

Susan I believe in miracles too. They do happen.
I've been blessed with alot.

Sara(uncle peaches) Have you been eating at ADF's house?

Whitney , thanks for the encouragement. Yes I'll keep you posted. I'm going to try that ugly word excersize. I actually like to excersize. I'ts that kick in the ass I need.

Suz

Consider this an electronic kick in the ass. What kind of exercise do you do?

I love a walk in the woods or taking a mountain bike ride, anything my dog can do. Right now ,I'm not doing my minimalist work out, but I'm hoping that setting a deadline of 1/1/03 will be the "kick in the ass" I need. Exercise is so good for coping with anxiety too.
Whitney

Dear Paul,

first of all a hug to you. On a day that I'm feeling rather blue myself, and questioning the (un)fairness of some things, perhaps even life, I don't know what else to say other than that I'm thinkg of you and sending some positive, happy thoughts your way. And here's something else I wrote earlier this month:

Free
to love
to give of myself
to share the laughter and the tears

Free
to be joyful
to choose happiness
to dance excitedly along life’s path

Free
to embrace peace
to be content
to seek the stillness of my soul

Free
to receive and accept these gifts
Love, Joy, and Peace
This is my wish
that we receive them gratefully
that we share them generously

What a beautiful bunch of wishes Evelyn. Thanks for sharing them. You gave my spirit a lift.

damn, it's bothering me that i can't get involved in all the posts because of my schedule now. had a few moments tonight to skim. you guys are so supportive of each other...that rules.

paul, congratulations to you and andrea on your 15th.
grandma mildred....congratulations is entirely too small a word for 50 years. your my marriage hero. friends always ask me why i'm not married, "do you not believe in it?" i quote to them something i heard once...i'm not married because i DO believe in it.

paul, you so made the right decision to leave your agent. that is a scary thing to do...at any age. it's nice to have that security blanket, but sounds like yours had too many holes anyhow.

and if you do come to the states, i'm thinking that texas b-b-q mentioned several posts back sounded like good times. grab a ten-gallon hat, hop on a steel horse, and ride on in. yahoo.

everyone....happy, warm, safe holidaze.

anyone have a favorite children's christmas show?? mine are charlie brown christmas and frosty the snowman; though my friends are partial to A christmas story -- that red rider gun one.

feliz navidad

Hi Paul, and All..

Hey Texas..I always loved the animated cartoon,
"Hoppity goes to Town". Hoppity was a grasshopper who was in love with "Miss Honey" the bumblebee and her father "Mr. Bumble". Very cute.
Good luck on your weight loss program, Tim. We're all rooting for you.
Congrats Paul and Anrea on 15 yrs. Just past that milestone myself this past October. Seems like forever and just yesterday!!!
Best wishes for all of you folks over this holiday season..Peace, Joy, Love and all that jazz.
Merry, Merry

Love,

Margie

Thought you'd enjoy this Paul. Wish I could have just attached the file. The layout may be scrambled but if you just copy the text to a word application, you can remove this post. Maybe you can adapt this test to your own Homebrew Fest some October.