Paul's Corner

Pardon me for being technologically impaired. I posted the following this afternoon, but it ended up posted under one of your earlier messages:

Dear Paul,

I had intended to respond to your latest post straight away, but I got distracted by your references to beaches and strippers. I had started to ponder questions of faith, when I veered off into memories of the beach of my childhood in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Sunrise over a calm, warm, crystal-clear ocean. My serenity was broken by images of the young male strippers who entertained at a friend’s birthday in January. I don’t think I accomplished much on Wednesday, but I sure felt good.

Mmmm. Now. Where was I?

Ah, yes. Faith! What is it? How do we find it? And how do we hold onto it in troubled times?

The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines faith as: “Confidence, reliance, belief, especially without evidence or proof.” Once our faith — in God, in ourselves, in our lovers, in our friends, in our children— is proven through experience or observation, it becomes an accepted belief, like Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. If a new experience with any of the above undermines our beliefs, we’re back to the testing stage.

William James (U.S. philosopher and psychologist, 1842-1910) said: “Faith means belief in something concerning which doubt is still theoretically possible; and as the test of belief is willingness to act, one may say that faith is the readiness to act in a cause the prosperous issue of which is not certified to us in advance.”

I have to think of faith as active. My 14-year-old son recently asked me: “Mom, have you ever said a word over and over until you thought it sounded like a nonsense word?” Faith can sound like so much nonsense when it’s only some concept we hold but have never dared test. That means taking some calculated leaps. It also means being receptive to any outcome.

“Faith no doubt moves mountains, but not necessarily to where we want them.” (Mason Cooley, U.S. Aphorist, b. 1927).

Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the woman whose house flooded. As the waters rose inside her home, she was offered a ride by a passing boatsman. She declined, stating: “God will save me.” The waters rose higher still and a second boatsman offered her rescue. “God will save me.”, she replied. By the time the last boatsman approached, the woman was perched on the roof of her floating home. Once again, she declined with her standard response: “God will save me.” At last, the woman drowned. As she approached God in heaven she complained bitterly: “God, I had faith in you and you didn’t save me.” God patiently explained, “I sent you three boatsman and you turned them all away.”

There have been many times when I turned the boat away because it didn’t live up to my expectations. Or because I gave greater credence to other people’s words than Spirit’s voice within me (if I even listened to it, at all). Or because I was too busy looking elsewhere to be truly present and see the gifts I was receiving.

I was raised with what I consider to be a narrow, dogmatic religious belief system that did not serve my needs as a child living in a dysfunctional family. (Silence and denial were key to my survival, but not to my salvation. My salvation, it seems, has been in mothering my own children.) My childhood framed my experience of my life up to now and affected my ability to live authentically. But, after nearly five decades of life and a significant amount of struggle, I believe in myself and because of that I have faith. I have come to realize that I am so much more than I ever knew I could be. My personal evolution would not had occurred without those struggles — both internal and external, though in my darker moments, I would hardly have called them blessings. My new understanding of myself began when I watched someone dance.

My oldest son became a Bar Mitzvah in January 2001. He took the Hebrew name of Yosef (Joseph) because the Torah portion that coincided with his birthday/Bar Mitzvah was the reconciliation of Joseph with his brothers. We rented the film “Joseph.” You were brilliant.

Subsequently, I watched your other films, viewing “Strictly Ballroom” for the second time. As I watched you dance, I was struck by your absolute presence and joy in the moment. I couldn’t help but cry. I knew it was hard work on your part, but you were living your truth. I realized in that moment that I wanted your kind of joy. There was no reason I couldn’t have it. What the hell was I waiting for? And furthermore, I was the only person capable of and responsible for delivering it to me because it’s not out there, it’s inside of me— always. In living your truth, you held a mirror to me. It was a very cathartic moment.

That was two years ago. A whole new world has opened up to me. As I go through my days, I respond to people with more honesty and openness and confidence and they respond to me in kind. I don’t need their approval. I have my own.

What you choose now is entirely up to you. Whether it’s hanging in their with acting or pursuing other interests. But please know that I have received blessings when you have lived your truth. And so may you.

Thank you, Paul, for your continued inspiration. (And thanks, Cat, for giving me the vehicle with which to share my thoughts.)

Diane

OK Paul,
I was all about to defend the "concept" I mentioned earlier when I read the posting by Diane....such positiveness should not necessarily be followed by defensiveness...her posting makes me wish I could locate my copy of the Tao of Pooh...(my philosophical basis is not nearly as complex or original as some...but inspiration is inspiration).
I mentioned that my concept was simple. However, I added a caveat. I also mentioned that the simplicity of the concept was superficial. A complete explantion of what I believe would take hours of explanation followed by an extensive question and answer period (note the handy use of hyperbole here...) I do not necessarily do anything good in hope of receiving something good. Nor do I suggest that anyone should (ok, MAYBE if some people were tricked into believing in a transcendental quid pro quo it might make the world a nicer place....but this is not the point). However, I am sometimes disappointed that no matter how good I can be to other people I can salvage almost nothing positive for myself....This is the tricky part of my explanation...I do not wish to salvage the positiveness for myself from other people or for the deeds I have done...I just wonder why I cannot find it in myself. Essentially my question boils down to this: Why can I muster the positiveness for other people and not give any to myself. I believe the positiveness is there....it is residual.

Back to the concept of faith, I only ask the above question when I am having a crisis of faith. I think that such a crisis, or questioning as you seem to be doing, of faith makes it stronger and more reliable.
I have always questioned people who believe that everything happens for a reason (many postings as of late reiterate that assumption). I find myself smiling lately at that thought and here's why:
One of my favorite memories involves me and my father. We went to see Hamlet (Mel Gibson version) and at the theater I saw that Strictly Ballroom was also playing (I am pretty sure it was on that occasion as they were released around the same time). I wondered about it and never saw it. I came accross the DVD at Blockbuster on Tuesday and remembered that a friend said that it was directed by Baz Luhrman and was a "must see." I rented it and spent the next few days curled up in my bed watching it over and over (sometimes just certain scenes and sometimes with the commentary by Baz et al). I grabbed my roommate and made her watch it with me. It was my escape from feeling sort of down and blue (I was beginning to feel like Brian Wilson). I began surfing the net and wanted to see if any one of the stars were in subsequent pictures I had seen. I somehow happened accross "Paul's corner" and saw that even the man I had seen do the Paso Doble (sp?) twelve times was a little unsure about things. I am finding inspiration in a place I never knew existed until the other day...perhaps things do happen for a reason.
I wish I could offer you greater and more poignant encouragement (as of yet I seem to harp more about myself than offering anything at all helpful). I DO know that everyone who has been posting has given me alot to think about...I can only imagine this is true for you. Thank you for letting me also find a little encouragement in their best wishes.

Here are my two offerings of inspiration:

"Only simple and quiet words will ripen of themselves. For a whirlwind does not last a whole morning. Nor does a sudden shower last all day..." (Lao Tzu, translated by John C.H.Wu)

"When life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten. And that's to laigh and dance and sing and play." (Monty Python, translator unknown)

Sorry this is so long....Thanks to all for letting me post this....it is cathartic. I am off to find "Samba De Burros" on CD.

All the best,
Sarah

Oops, I meant Rhumba de Burros...D'oh!

Paul,

I meant to post this Wednesday, but alas never got the chance. Probably due to the success of Moulin Rouge, in the US they have released a 10th anniversary edition of Strictly Ballroom. I bought it as soon as I saw it, as it is one of my all time favorite movies, and dance is one of my favorite forms of artistic expression. With people rediscovering Strictly Ballroom I wouldn't be surprised at all if the industry started to rediscover you.

Like you I am at a similar place in my life. To me, dancing is the most expressive form of acting, I suppose that's why I spent the better part of my youth in dark theatres marveling at classic ballet (Baryshnikov et al.) and then at more modern dance companies as I got older, probably cause my mind wanted new stories without boundaries. Great dancers MUST be actors too, physical and powerful in spirit, or the stories won't come across. Only in dance can a complete story be told without the use of words. You were lucky to find your voice early on in your life.

While I on the other hand ignored mine. Unfortunately I am not a dancer, I'm a writer. I was published first at the age of 17. (Like that wasn't a big enough clue!) I wrote freelance through college as I tried to get the education my family wanted - so I could get a "real job" and have a real life. I never should have wasted that time nor took for granted the gift inside myself that was helping to pay those bills. After college I spent time looking for that real job, while pulling stints as a makeup artist, beauty editor, restaurant reviewer, music critic, copy editor, contributing editor and the list goes on... I was looking for my "place" in the grand scheme of things - and that place was following me around, I just didn't see it. I was too busy looking for that "practical real job" my mother always wanted for me.

You are very fortunate to have so much support surrounding you, it wasn't until about ten years ago that I realized that the story teller in me *WAS* my place in the world. When I realized that people were always asking me to tell them stories or write some fiction for them so they could "escape" and the garbage in the theatres and on TV was just that, my stories to them were fresh, not always uplifting, but interesting. So now I continue to struggle along with the mundane things in life, working that "real job" to pay bills and survive while I search for a way to do my part and tell all the stories in my head. So faith is something I have to hold strong to, my writing had faith in me, now I have to have faith in it.

Geez, I'm rambling, and I digress most regretably,I should probably shut up now.

From what I've read you have a wonderful wife and three wonderful daughters. I think that part of my life I may never see, the only "children" I have are three English Mastiffs and three Burmese Cats. But my little sister has the husband and two daughters, so maybe I haven't completely missed that boat. But I feel so old and tired already, I'm 35 - but as Han Solo said in Star Wars "It's not the years, it's the mileage."

Hmmmmmm. I seem to have gone off on yet another tangent. So back to the point?

So even when things seem hopelessly impossible, I still get up in the morning and go to the "real job" so I can pay my bills and try to figure out a way to get back to the story telling. Alas, time is my enemy - if there were only one more day in the week... But everyday I keep hoping that it will happen, I just have to be open to it and hopefully awake enough to recognise it.

Looking through this website I wish that I could have grown up in Australia and seen some of your earlier dance works - they look facinating, and I don't rememeber any of them making it over here to Los Angeles. Although we do have a weath of talent that pours through this town I think we are the poorer for not having the chance to have seen you before Strictly Ballroom. (A movie that has always given me faith in a roundabout weird sorta way.)

But like I said, with the re-release of Strictly Ballroom on DVD maybe the industry will wake up and rediscover you.

Faith is a hard Mistress, but her rewards are always exceptional if you are patient.

Take care of you and your family - and be sure to "sacrifice that vestial virgin every day at the altar of Faith" - she will reward you, and by rewarding you - you will inspire generations to come...

Best Regards,

Charlie

P.S. No actual virgins were sacrificed in the writing of this message... ;)
And I should hope that anyone who reads it knows a metaphor when they see one, and doesn't think I'm actually suggesting that an actual being be killed...

Buddhist philosophy states that living exactly in the moment is one key to internal peace. "...beware that you cannot slow it down so as to make the experience linger..." and that simple pleasures are wonderful because they are free from expectations. All good advice to live in the moment, and enjoy what comes your way. Living in the moment doesn't mean that life is all happy - but when a trying situation has passed - don't dwell on it. Let the next beauty come and enjoy it, or the next frustration and learn from it. But clinging to the past, and fear of the future are two biggest sources of pain. Easier said than done - but I'm trying :) Let's see - this weekend I spent time doing my favorite hobby (cooking) accompanied with some great music - and it made for a wonderful afternoon.

Shannon

What to say about FAITH?... It dwells in the realm of things not seen until they are believed... like love, it is a verb. like love it both defines and transcends the religious, spiritual, secular, the creative.... and like love it humbly accepts the cliches and catch-phrases we use in our oh-so-human attempts to harness and make tangible for ourselves even the smallest measure of its scope and power.... it is the hand that holds us in the here and now, the earth in which we lay to rest our failings and regrets,and the bridge underneath our hopes for the future.... along with our innocence, faith is all too often a casualty on the road to adulthood....like innocence it lives for a time within us, as easily and peacefully and thoughtlessly as our breathing, with all the conviction of our blood and bones and muscle....like innocence it can be easy for some to pinpoint the moment(s) that theirs was lost, or tested or prooved.....what intrigues me is that many of us lose our innocence yet retain & even nourish faith, but once innocence is lost, faith does not live as fully or in the same places or with such effortless conviction in the body/being as it does when we are little.... the synchronicity of the universe never ceases to amaze me-- the question/idea of faith is something that has been rambling around (again!) in my head & heart these last few days (weeks!)... I decided to check in on the corner to take a break from all the ruckus only to discover that it's keeping a lot of other people busy as well!!! Just recently I started reading BLACK HAWK DOWN and Diane's anecdote of the woman on the roof in the flood brought to mind a passage in the book that touches briefly & humorously on the topic of faith...in the middle of a huge battle on the streets, at one particularly bad intersection, several soldiers are shot and killed &/or injured in a row....as they scramble for cover and the medic proceeds to help them, a sergeant asks one of the guys who's relatively ok (shot in the arm) if "it hurts" ...the soldier responds "hell yeah! I'm all right, though, I do believe in God." To which the sergeant replies "That's ok, he believes in you, too." I actually laughed out loud because so often in my life (& I suspect for many others) there are moments when faith seems less a question of what I believe in, and more a question of what continues to believe in me......