Paul's Corner

Hello,
I believe you go through life making choices in everything. Because not making a choice is actually making a choice. Huh?.... :) I think life can be very confusing sometimes if you try too hard to understand too much all at once.
I'm not trying to say how everyone should believe.I'm just expressing my understanding for the moment. Because things change; people change and you may not feel the same way a few years from now as you do today.
I completely understand the control issue. Especially, as a parent when you can see your children heading in a direction that you all ready know what the outcome will be.
When it comes to the feeling that someone else has control over your life is even harder. When I feel my personal freedom is being restricted, for example at work or at home, I try to take a deep breath and see what the big picture is. If it really is to benefit me I make the choice to accept it. If I feel it is not right then I will speak up. Of course my first reaction is not this noble.... :) I always have a liitle fit first. I think you have faith in yourself you will be able to accomplish what it is that you want.

Hello,
I believe you go through life making choices in everything. Because not making a choice is actually making a choice. Huh?.... :) I think life can be very confusing sometimes if you try too hard to understand too much all at once.
I'm not trying to say how everyone should believe.I'm just expressing my understanding for the moment. Because things change; people change and you may not feel the same way a few years from now as you do today.
I completely understand the control issue. Especially, as a parent when you can see your children heading in a direction that you all ready know what the outcome will be.
When it comes to the feeling that someone else has control over your life is even harder. When I feel my personal freedom is being restricted, for example at work or at home, I try to take a deep breath and see what the big picture is. If it really is to benefit me I make the choice to accept it. If I feel it is not right then I will speak up. Of course my first reaction is not this noble.... :) I always have a liitle fit first. I think you have faith in yourself you will be able to accomplish what it is that you want.

I apologize for that being posted twice. I was distracted by the kids arguing..... Ha ha I guess I made the choice to blame someone else for my mistake.... I think I better just pay better attention to what I'm doing. :) Sorry everyone

I agree with what you are saying and it is hard to make tough decisions. As for me, "I know what I don't want, but yet I don't know what I want."

In the past, I have envisioned myself being an actor, and I felt suffocated and not in control of anything. I enjoy being in charge of things in general as well as in control of my own life.

Currently, I am going to school thinking everyday about what it is that I need to do. Because I enjoy being in control of my life, being close to family, having privacy, and being in a close relationship with Nature, I don't see myself every having the desire for fame etc.

I hope that one day soon, I will figure out what type of job suits my personality and my spending habits. Blessings and Peace.

Angela Smith
U.S.A
Atlanta, Ga

a: you can still be an actor and love acting without wanting fame. fame is what happens to 1%, but i hear what you're saying. i've found that you don't have to be just one thing. try something, then try something else. i keep jumping cars on the career train, but i'm still on the same track. good luck to you.

Hi Paul and everybody else!

First I just want to say that I love this Corner idea and the comment system (thanks again to Cat!)- some names are already so familiar that I actually think I know the people behind them...

When I came across this entry today and I saw what you had written about choices it reminded me so much of a discussion I had with my dad some years ago (during the period of my teenage crisis) about the fact that life means that we have to make decisions every second. He gave me a book from Sartre (L'Etre et le Neant) and though I don't think I did totally grasp the idea of Existentialism at that time, I think it would be interesting to read it now again.
Well, thanks for the impetus!

I'm looking forward to your future entries and comments,

Heike

Hi Paul:
I've been a fan for awhile. Unfortunately, it's limited to "the movie", but I've since checked out some of your other work. And I like what I see. Change is a must. I was a CPA for 18 years and hated it. I wanted to be a hairdresser. I had been doing it since I was 9. My mother died 5 years ago. My wife and I had two boys and one on the way. I was at a real breaking point. I grew up on a beach and know what a big huge bloody wave can feel like. You do have to let go and find out your direction. I'm now working in a salon. I'm happy. I'm also taking tap dance with my middle son. We've just recently added a fourth child (quite by accident) a little girl. It was an excellent accident. I used to HATE flying. I had to commute back and forth to LA from Atlanta for 3 years. I finally found it was the CONTROL thing. I didn't feel in control. But once I gave in and said "Hey those guys know what they're doing" I felt fine.
Oh well just my opinion. And I wanted to say Hi.

Hello everyone! A whirlwind continues to spin around in my thoughts, mind, emotions, life that has been with me for a few weeks now but things are becoming clearer for me now, I think! (Quite frankly I wouldn’t mind a calmer phase for a while...)
Paul, what you wrote in your post of "choice" begs the question "How are you doing? Have you managed to get through the bad spot that you described in ‘Salami is doing well’?" I don’t mean to pry too much, but over the course of the last 2 weeks or so, I thought about you often and wondered how you were doing.
A lot of what you wrote in all of your three or four most recent postings is kind of scarily parallel to what I struggle(d) with myself: how to deal with inner conflict, conflicts with other people and being a control freak out of control. Yes I am a control freak too and a perfectionist on top of that. My crisis was brought to the surface by the interactions with my new colleagues and the conflicts that arose out of them. I totally stressed and freaked out and bought into the "poor-me-victim" mentality and made myself sick, emotionally and physically. Last weekend, I had an emotional break down and I finally gave up the struggle and chose to ride out the wave, and this emotional floating actually turned out not to be so bad after all, for I did not drown or sink in the process. I learned a lot about myself at that time: (1) I chose to adopt the victim mentality in this situation (and past ones) [Tough one for me to admit, but there I said it], but I don’t need to make that choice [don’t ask me how not to adopt the victim mentality, for I truly don’t know].
(2) I allowed all this negative energy into my life that caused me to break down.
(3) I can’t change my colleagues’ work ethic or attitude to work and I need to learn not to let this bother me so much as it does. I will learn it, it might take a while though.
(4) I have very high standards as a perfectionist and the fact that I am a perfectionist can’t be easy for my colleagues and I need to adopt a more graceful and respectful way to interact with them. How I interact with them is my responsibility, how they chose to interact with me is theirs, not mine.
(5) Even though I am a perfectionist, it is totally okay and also necessary for me NOT to "be perfect" and not to expect that of myself. (I know I’m nowhere near being perfect and I don’t want to be. It is the expectations of a perfectionist I’m talking about.)
(6) Altering my thinking to more positive thoughts is my responsibility and my choice. It has begun to change my emotional and physical responses to these ongoing conflicts. I feel less threatened by these conflicts and the people involved in them and more in control of myself. I don’t like being in this spot, but I can change the negative aspects of this experience (to a certain extent) for myself to a more positive one and have begun to do so. I am no longer a victim and in this aspect it is a good thing for me to take control.

I also wanted to say that I really love all the poems you guys posted/wrote on the "nameless" thread =), but I’m not in a poetic writing mood at all (actually I am learning how to write poetry, but not quite willing to give it a crack in such a public space and the poem I’m trying to write right now has an entirely different subject matter). I admire your talents and choose not to be (too) jealous. =)

Wishing all of us inner peace, endurance in our struggles, and a pure joy for living!

Ps. Just saw that Paul put up another post, so I have to go look at this one as well. How does one keep up? =)

Tim, great to read from you and congrats on being brave enough to make such enormous changes. One might say though it is not really brave but a matter of survival but how many chosse to stay in a job they hate and a life they hate just because they are scared to change. I am sure you and your son must have a fantastic time tapping together!!

I fly quite a bit and enjoy it. Some times I wonder about crashing and think oh well if that is what happens I have no choice in the matter and I will do my best to die well. Morbid I know but I guess I am getting to the idea that I am letting go of control and sitting there reading my book having a beer and enjoying the flight, knowing those guys know what they are doing.

Now in the film and TV industry a lot of people have no idea what they are doing. When I am being pummelled in their wave the sense of no control is great and frightening as well as pretty much a waste of time. Better do something else that serves me rather than be pummelled around with/for them.

Evelyn, I have long been a believer that perfection as an achieved state does not exsist. It is a verb....ie perfection only exsists in the striving of it. The truth is that once you get to that point where you believe perfection resides it up and moves on to a further place thereby sending you out after it. It's a bit like a dog chasing its own tail - it never catches it. Therefore the real journey is not in being perfect but the pusuit of perfection.

Paul, thanks for your thoughts there and I totally agree with you that perfection is a process, always on-going and I will continue to strive for it / after it (whatever) in my own life. I didn't quite mean that though in what I posted on Friday with my references to being a perfectionist (there is a difference, at least for me), but I like your way of thinking and thank you for the correction of my thoughts. The dog chasing its own tail made me laugh out loud--and it was a bright spot for me in a long, hectic and frustrating day at work, but I won't whine about this--since I actually know one dog that does chase his tail and catches it and continues running in circles while biting into its own tail. Very funny to watch, but your point is duely noted. But thanks for making me laugh in triggering this memery of Bailee!

Hope you are hanging in there yourself!

Hello Paul,

What a pleasant surprise to arrive here and discover a complex, free thinking, deep individual with a sense of humour too! And there is not only one - but many offering up their thoughts or feelings - quite amazing really. It was unexpected - and quite lovely.

I 've been thinking about the concept of creating reality quite a bit lately. But, I have been thinking about in relation to lucid dreaming. If we are able to direct the action in a lucid dream as if we are awake, then do we also take for granted that we can direct energy when we are awake? Do we act passively as if we are dreaming waking life? We consciously think about directing energy in the lucid dream, but we don't think about directing energy in our waking life. My reaction in a lucid dream is usually surprise that I can direct the action instead of letting the dream passively happen to me. In real life I just get up and do the daily routine and see how it unfolds. But to actively try to direct energy with the mind and with emotion to create each piece of life. I suppose it could be really interesting- perhaps a little like magic? Who knows- I don't know- these are strange thoughts. Hmmm

I have a friend who says there are two types of power. "The power you have over yourself and the type of power that people try to have over others. The type of power over other people is immoral" I am a control freak too- hopefully not in a power monger way, but more likely in a perfectionist whiney sort of way. This aspect of myself gets on my nerves. I am sure it irritates other people too- at least I get their attention! Ha!

Do you really think choice is dualistic? Perhaps I like the illusion of multiplicity- the stream of many thoughts, and the adventure that any number of these thoughts shape. Then reality throws you a curve ball. Hmmmmm

It is late here. A quiet night. Time to sleep!

Thanks for your time!

Mary Beaudin
Seattle, Wa USA

Hey Mary. I see you wrote this in October but maybe you're still around. I'm new to this corner too so I've tried to read some old threads over time.

Your lucid life idea is interesting. It sounds like the plot to the Mattrix. I'm familiar with positive visualization, but I definitely don't do it enough. You're so right, you really have to know what you want to have it.

It sounds like Angela in Atlanta is in the wonderful phase of life where one tries to figure out just what they'd like to do. Is there a Career, Planning and Placement center on your campus? They can provide info about jobs and potential earnings. Keep in mind that we should be prepared to change careers at any point in our lives, particularly in the middle.

You probably feel a lot of pressure to choose a major. You want to lock in those requirements. If you're at the beginning, most folks take the basic courses. They have to, and it gives them some more time to think about where their natural loves and abilities reside.

I've always thought they should have more career counseling at the high school level. Had I known I was there to make my career dream(s) happen I would have tried to do better. No, really!

Don't party too much, and never skip class,
Whitney