Paul's Corner

CRUD! CRUDCRUDCRUD! That sucks. Here's a big web hug:

{{{{{Paul}}}}}

Purely selfish reason: I was hoping I'd get to kick back in my hotel on the Sunshine Coast next weekend and catch an episode.

Know what though? At least it got your face out there again. It had a positive audience response, that's good for the resume. For several weekends, you were in thousands of homes.

Yeah, I know, I can spin anything.

Pamper yourself for a day or so. Keep plugging.

DAMN!!! THIS REALLY SUCKS BIG TIME!!! I GUESS THERE IS SOME TRUTH TO THE SAYING: "WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS" I HOPE YOU DON'T FEEL YOU ARE DROWNING. I'm doing a lot more mental swearing right now than I will post publically and Paul, you may choose to fill in as many blanks swearing as you need to and then "blame" me for it, if anyone around you dislikes it and if it helps you release your frustration. And please accept another BIG supportive cyber hug from me! and I will plead with the universe to give you a break. You really deserve one!!!!! Hang in there and if you can do something fun that gives you a sense of calm and control and peace.

Lots of love to you,
Evelyn

So sorry to hear your news, Paul. Quality programming gets chucked far too often. I think the rule of thumb in life is that many of the people who are best positioned to make such decisions are the least qualified to do so. Go ahead and vent as much as you want. You've earned the right.

I am stunned, though, by the channel's control over the product. How did they get the rights to destroy your taped episodes? Did the producers give away ownership in negotiations? It's amazing to me that any entity with that kind of investment would throw it away! Makes you want to grab 'em by the ears and shake some sense into their heads, doesn't it? Let's pray they have second thoughts so your show can air elsewhere.

You've got hugs from me, too. I hope your family is well and that despite this temporary setback, you all can enjoy the weekend.

Diane

Wow! That this should happen after your post on "choices" and "control" is a little freaky. Did you see signs of this or is there more going on that has made you feel less in "control" and unsure of your "choices". Regardless, it's a dirty deal for you and I'm sure the other members of the ensemble were just as devastated. We can only hope that the Fox network was impressed enough with the series that they will take it elswhere. I can't believe that the taped segments will just be trashed, but I guess it should not surprise me.
Maybe some time spent in the garden as Budda will help you see the light of this dark day. If that doesn't do the trick, have another beer and some salami.
Try to enjoy the weekend, take pride in Andrea's re-emergence on the stage and the love of your 3 girls and your thousands of fans. We will still encourage you to be you. Stay true to your values and beliefs. You know as do we, that there is something else out there for you. It just hasn't found you yet. Any news of the new drama series?
Stay tough, remember the thick skin, and don't take it personal.
Hugs all around.
Sherrlyn

Well Paul, there must be something else out there that you are supposed to be doing now, otherwise you would still be working on body and soul. The sun will come out again because it can't rain all the time.

Thanks guys:)

Just got to keep rolling in the breaking waves. I guess giving up control is a bigger lesson for me than I might like - but giving it up is also choosing to take control there by freeing me to let it go....... Thankyou Sherrlyn for pointing that out, I didnt see it myself. As for the other drama series I auditioned for it is with the same network that just canned Body and Soul and has had it's share of dramas. Maybe they canned Body and Soul to free me up for the drama - stranger things have happened. I also read today that the Boss of channel nine was demoted and that there were very big shake ups at the network - kind of like a Roman Epic with Ceasar et all

Sending positive thoughts to you and family.

Paul, I've said this before. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. I think Sherrlyn said it so eloquently: There is something out there for you. It just hasn't found you yet. I like that sentiment alot. I'd like to think there's lots of stuff that hasn't found me yet, as well. Take care all, and have a good weekend.

Paul-
Sorry to hear the bad news... But think positive you may be right and another channel could pick it up. These things we go thru in life only make us stronger. And everyone is right; it's business not personal and something will always turn up for you.

Sending happy thoughts your way.......

Paul, - (and everyone else)

I've been a bit MIA, been in a real "funk" in not a good way. Maybe Paul this will give you a chance to read the script I sent Rima. Strangely enough I've been working on something that was partially "changed" by the "Russell" thing. And I'm working on something for submission to the Academy Fellowship. But when I'm in deep into the insanity, well I have a hard time focusing and pretty much all I want to do I sleep. With the hours I work there is no wonder, but still... When there is no joy in the thing you love/do best...

The Hospital I work at to pay the bills, well it has been hectic and insane there, I suppose that isn't helping.

Now Paul I know you can dance... Can you sing? I've been approached to submit a musical type deal for Broadway/off Broadway production. It's weird I can't even focus on that, I am just so down.. Maybe it's a cycle, Russell (the most extreme outcome), you, several other people I know, as well as my sister. Eventually I'll snap out of it - be my usually "dark" self and things will be ok again - and I'll get it all done. But of course you came into mind again right away, and they really want me to write something so I do have some barganing power. Even if it just to attach an actor/choreographer as my condition. I've been avoiding them cause I'm just not "on" right now.

Take heart - as we all know everything happens for a reason even if it isn't clear at this point.

I've missed the positive vibe here. I'll try to check in more often.

I read the bit about you (Paul) being sad that you weren't being considered for the bad guy in the show cause they wanted someone tall & ugly. I agree that is a funny thing to be upset about. But I also know exactly what you mean. Well so how not tall enough are you? As a former makeup artist I KNOW you can make anyone UGLY!
I never thought you'd want to play a bad guy, I've got a charcter VERY VERY bad guy, funny enough his name is Mercurio Rex, maybe I should have sent you that script!

Anyhoo - other than the funk thing... I hope all of you are getting by. I can't wait for this cycle to be over.

Take care all,

Charlie

I was just watching Strictly Ballroom this crisp September afternoon and wanted to know what Paul Mercurio was up to as I found him particularly appealing in Exit to Eden. Sounds like you are staying busy in the uncertain industry of television but having to scramble at the whim of a few executives. Hope to see you again on the Big Screen.

HEY CHARLIE, boy you sound a bit down my friend!!! Take a day off go down to Santa Monica, sit on the sand or the pier and watch the guls fly and hover on the wind in that magical way they do. Look and listen to the surf, smell the sea air, soak up some sun - remind yourself that your alive breathing and experiencing. Having compassion for others and thier experiences is wonderful but sometimes we forget to extend same to ourselves. I dont suggest that this will break the funk but it might give you respite and a renewed creative energy - lighting the candle of positivity we all hold within us but too often blacken out the windows so we cannot see it within nor allow its light without.

As for the bad bad bad guy role send it to Rima I would love to play against "type"

I am learning more and more waiting creates vacuums that suck you in and down. Doing creates opportunities.

Hey Paul,

Thanks for the suggestion, maybe after we get through JACHO here at the hospital I will take a day off. Although I prefer the beach at night. Yes, it is Sunday and I'm here at the hospital working on the nurses payrol, just thoguht I'd take a break and look at something more fun! What a wonderful thing...

I would send Rima the script with the bad bad bad guy, but it is nowhere near acceptably complet for me. Mercurio Rex is a pretty bad guy, seriously against type for anything I could imagine you in. He's BAAAAAD. But he is one of my favourite characters at this time. I think the only thing you actually share with him is an inherent sexiness. Like the Vicomte de Valmont, he is treacherous and cruel, but one can't help but be drawn to him. Oh did I mention he is a preternatural creature?

When it is to my liking I'll send it off to Rima, I'll call her first of course. We played phone tag fora few weeks back in August, but I've been so busy - I kinda stopped answering my cell phone.

OK you didn't answer my question - can you sing as well as dance? If you were interested, it could just motivate me to move that project to the front burner. I have a few ideas, but at this point the skys the limit, they want something from me - anything. I feel like quiet the Joe Esterhaus right now - just without the money, and the cigarettes.

Anyways, back to "work" hopefully I won't be here too long and I'll be home and working on some plotlines in a few hours.

I'm so sorry to hear about your show getting cancelled - that sucks. I was trying to figure out how to get the channel your show was on - I figured that there has to be someway for me to get it since I get all the Australian football and finacial shows and such. Just hadn't gotten around to checking with the satelite company - now it's just as well...

Anyways hope you have a great week. I'll keep a picture of the gulls in my minds eye - I know that way they sorta float on the winds is pretty cool. Wish I could do that.

Glad to see it's Monday morning in Australia, at least I know the world doesn't end today... :)

Charlie

Kay, I couldn't agree with you more when you mentioned that there is a reason for everything. Paul, you have so many of us who deeply care for you and your family's well being and happiness. It's so cool to have the " corner " to hang out and chill and discuss some deep issues. What goes on in the minds of the people who just canclled the show...who knows. One thing for certain is that thousands of people got a chance to hear and see you and absorb it. There is something really big yet to come...alot more yet to come. One thing that can always give you a boost, guarenteed, is a simple hug from your kids, yes? I find that to be the best medicine! Also, to check out the nature around you and absorb the beauty of creation. Everything is but for a moent, then the moments gone. Stay beautiful and Shalom...

Tara

Hi Paul

I don’t sign on to your page every day – usually only Mondays through Wednesdays because those are work days, and I work in IT so when I’m not working, the damn computer stays off! But I come back this Monday and, phew, just look at all this stuff that’s been going down. It sounds like you’ve had a really grotty few weeks, culminating in those a**holes blowing your show out. I really feel for you. Just look at life getting the boot in when you’re down. Like everyone else I’m sending you my best wishes and all the telepathic empathy I can muster.
You’re right, at times like this you need to keep “doing” and making choices. Isn’t it interesting how many of the people who post here say they are control freaks? (count me in too!) Of course, none of us are ever really in control - the world is full of people who can influence your life and precious few of them will be in your corner and a great number of them will be fools. But after something like this, you start making choices and changing things and pretty soon you’ll have turned this to a positive and a better. The trick is not to do nothing (Is that right? That last sentence sounds kind of garbled. Fingers crossed for you understanding) Like, if in doubt - should I do a) or b)? – well at least do one of them! Decision inertia starts off small and before you know where you are you haven’t make any decisions in the last year and you’re wondering why you’re growing moss on your head. Say no to moss!
And as Innussiq says, there’s obviously something else out there you’re supposed to be doing now. Any chance of doing a Bollywood film? Sorry! It’s a personal thing. I’ve only recently started watching Indian films like Asoka and Lagaan and you would be absolutely MAGNIFICENT in a film like that. With your looks and character and dancing talent, you’d blow everyone away.

lots of love
Lesley

Hi Paul,

Just adding my bit of "Hang in there, it will get better" to you. In the US it seems like the neworks are only interested in the "Survivor", "Fear" and etc. type programming. My idea of an evenings entertainment does not include watching people eating bugs or being put into situations where they are being covered by spiders, snakes, or any number of ridiculous situations. They leave this crap on and dish your show -- makes no sense. Course it does give me the perfect excuse (as if any were needed)to pop movies like "Strictly Ballroom" in the DVD and sit back and relax.

Keeping fingers crossed and prayers going out for you.

Wanda

Hey Charlie-
It must come with the territory... I work nocs at the hospital here and the past couple of nocs I have been really feeling the stress. I have been picking up extra shifts and we have a couple of traveling nurses and they're getting used to the residents and they just "spasm" over everything. I tell my friends "one of these nights I'm just gonna walk off the floor....." But we have the ventilator dependant patients and just a lot of "needy" patients so if you don't take a break you'll go crazy.... you need that outlet to release your "funk" So it's great you have something else to do with your time. Sometimes you just need to push yourself away from the work and relax ( I know easier said then done :} ...) I like nocs because you don't see much of JACHO or state. Well, I hope work lightens up and you can take a break!

Hey Paul,
Ouch i wrote a very long response and had a problem with the browser - it was all deleted :-(
I've been reading your posts for a while now, but this is my first ever response.
Just wanted to say - i don't believe things happen for a reason, i believe they just happen. At least some of them. So i think, this time it's the situation and it would be such a shame if a talented person like yourself started "breaking his head" over something that is beyond his control. I understand that you're frustrated but some things are worth waiting for and a new opportunity will come up when you least expect it. It happened to me, a lot. I was out of a job for six months, stayed positive and kept doing all that was up to me - eventually i found what i was looking for.
I'm sure you believe in yourself and i (and lots of people on this site} believe in you, so i'm going to keep fingers crossed for you!

Olga.

that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. or...it builds character.
whatever.
when you're strong enough and have enough character...there's always beer.

maybe it's time for that book?

I've always prefered "That which does not kill us only makes us stranger.."

HEH, but that's just me... I'm still alive, (I think) but very, very strange. :)

Charlie

Heard you all loud and clear.

Gather no moss, nothing happens for something, choose a) or b, do nothing about nothing there by doing something, drink more beer and write your god damn book!

:)

I'm on to it!

Lol. From this last post, I take it the book will be about beer? Sorry, being silly.

Why can't it be both "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger and stanger OR stranger and stronger"? That definitely makes for an interesting mix.

Very much enjoyed what you all posted to support Paul, It gives me a lot to think about and many suggestions for how to deal with my life right now. Sorry Paul, don't want to steal the good vibes sent your way. They are yours, but I'll take some inspirations from these posts, if you don't mind.

Good Morning Paul [Well it's morning where i am at]
Heh, the beer and the book both sound like a good idea :)
I just wanted to ad that we can always try and take something positive with us even after we've been through a negative experience. Hmm...i hope that doesn't contradict what i've said before about things not happening for a reason! They don't, but maybe we can find "the good reason" if we try a bit.
And now i am going to start following one of my advice and stay VERY positive, as it's my first day on a job i wanted very badly.

Olga.

Hey Sexy (and Sexy People),

Absolutely no grandois, Universal, philosophical upbeat bull-sh*# from me today...just get on that book, Bucko, would ya? And PS. I had a beer (Bass ale) yesterday while sitting outside waiting for my son's school bus. And it was GREAT! aHA! Screw the Rules!

(You guys got an R-wing in any of those hospitals? I may check myself in shortly. The Full Moon about killed me this time!)

Paganly impudent,
Dhiana

Of course it's a book about beer!! and food too.

The news is now that fox and murdoch are going to finish shooting the series even though we are not on air and have no buyer. That way they have a full series which they can sell to any one interested. Who knows it will quite likely show on cable in the US! So I am back on the job for another two weeks before I am officially off the job and back in the trenches - literally -

Olga, I have said this before in posts, it is from Illusions of a reluctant Massiah by Richard Bach "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it's hand"

A positive can always come out of a negative, sometimes you have to look real hard or be very open to it but there will be one there!

Paul-
Well, I am happy things turned out well for you :)
My oldest son just got his paper route today. I am so happy for him. He has been waiting a long time for this. He turned twelve last march and now a route has opened up for him. My poor husband will have to wake him up at 3 am to get his papers to fold because I am at work at that time. I had to smile watching him act so "grown up" talking to the manager. They grow up so fast.....today its a paper route and before I know it tomorrow he will be an adult excited about landing another job...
I think I am more excited than he is....
When the series shows in the US I will look forward to watching it!
Best wishes to everyone

Whoa,

I just noticed that my last post - followed by Paul's were both posted at the same time. That's freaky - we both were on line at the same time... Is there an internet equivalent of "jinx" -?! Since I posted first/at the same time, I think Paul I owe you a punch and you owe me one back! Then I'll buy you a beer sometime when I get down under, and you can bring me some Polly Waffles the next time you come to town!!! (Since it is the one Aussie candy I can't find out here!)

I hope one of Murdoch's stations out here picks up the show - if not one of the hundreds of satelite channels I get... I'll keep an eye out!

SO Paul, can you sing? I'm talking to the songwriter this week... Let me know.

Charlie

Paul,
I'm glad to hear you'll be shooting the series for 2 more weeks. Too bad i won't be able to see it if/when it's on the cable tv in the US.
So, any big/small plans for the "after work" period, i mean, after you finish those 2 weeks?
Sometimes it's a big advantage to have lots of time on your hands, i keep hearing about people who spend it on doing things they kept posponing for years/hobbies that are very time consuming etc.
Anyway, have fun on the set, even if it's just for 14 more days!

Olga.

Paul, it's great news that "The Powers That Be" didn't trash the show! I'll certainly keep a look out here in the US - will keep fingers & toes crossed too - that a channel will pick it up.

Wanda

that's a nice ray of light.

Charlie,me and singing mmmmm, I reckon with some lessons I could sing as well as Gene Kelly but I am not known as a singer at all.

As far as after work Olga I will be out looking for the next lot of work. Whilst I do that I will be catching up on those jobs I keep putting off like clearing the gutters of winters leaves and fixing up the back yard - getting ready for the summer BBQ season - yeha! I might even try and make myself a smoker for my sausages!

Paul, I'm happy for you that you get to finish the series, even if it is uncertain what will happen to it. Getting ready for the summer season, ... I'm jealous. I'm trying to get used to the temperature drop we had and I don't like it all that much and it will only get colder :-( If I'm lucky I can squeeze one or two more BBQs in before it gets too cold. Although I've always wanted to barbecue in the middle of winter surrounded by snow, though never done it, since I just don't like to be outside too long when the temps are subzero on the F scale.

Olga, thank you for saying in one of your posts that you choose to "stay VERY positive." That phrase hit me like something (can't think of the right word) and it was the thing I needed to hear. Right now I have to choose to be positive about a gazillion times a day, but it's a lot better than being down, annoyed, angry, upset about things I can't change. And I'm already beginning to sense some change in me as my attitude begins to change towards the people and situations that I am in conflict with. So thank you for that. How is the new job going? I hope it is all that you had hoped for.
Evelyn

Degrees

My leaves are falling
Yours are springing
My skies grey themselves into torment
Yours welcome home the travellers
My wind exhales the dead
Yours whispers anew
My soul cries out for mercy
Yours bursts from possibility

Both above the other's below

Just a quick interjection:

Yay Paul! I'm glad they're going to market the series. American fans: write Fox!

I'm off to Oz for about 10 days. Waving distance, but not visiting distance. Don't anyone break the site while I'm gone! :)

Hey Paul,

I just wanted to chime in to say I got a big laugh with the Gene Kelly thing! We just cut our first CD here in the states in the sunshine state ( Florida ). It was me , my husband, and 5 others who are like family to us. It's praise music with a Bob Dillan, jazzy rhythm...pretty cool. I do back-up vocals and it's not the best, but my point is my heart was really in it. Anyway, You mentioned about beer. Cookouts are so much fun. Do you have a good beer recipe for lamb??? Just curious...does that sound crazy? Chow...

Hey Paul,

I just wanted to chime in to say I got a big laugh with the Gene Kelly thing! We just cut our first CD here in the states in the sunshine state ( Florida ). It was me , my husband, and 5 others who are like family to us. It's praise music with a Bob Dillan, jazzy rhythm...pretty cool. I do back-up vocals and it's not the best, but my point is my heart was really in it. Anyway, You mentioned about beer. Cookouts are so much fun. Do you have a good beer recipe for lamb??? Just curious...does that sound crazy? Chow...

Dear Paul,

Today, I donated blood. This is the second time for me. I gave blood in Feb. 1999 @ the blood mobile. My blood type is A+. After I donated today, I felt dizzy a couple of times. Anyway, I sucked up my fear and did it. The needle part wasn't so bad, but it stinged for a minute. Paul, you should try donating blood where you live at. Believe me, it saves lives of other people who need it. I just hope it won't make you queasy. I was so nervous today, but I had to be brave. I hope you have a good day.

Sara

PS: Do you know your blood type?

Good evening everyone.
Paul this one is for you. The rest can have it too, but thought of you when I read this:

In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do. The worst thing you can do is nothing. - Theodore Roosevelt

So, I guess anything you do when these 2 weeks are up is better than doing nothing. Which is how I felt January, February, and March. I did not get the things accomplished here at home that I was in hopes of doing because I spent so much time completing applications and sending out resume's and basically job hunting. I finally got a job, now I spend all my time at work so I still haven't gotten the things done here at home that I want to get done. But something is better than nothing, right.
Well, it's back to the office as soon as I can get the clothes in the washer in the dryer. I'm convinced that Tax Season lasts forever. I don't think it will ever end.
Hugs all around.
Sherrlyn

One of the things I have been thinking on and also working on is retraining the mind. It is easy in a sense to decide to choose to be positive. What is difficult is not continually falling in to the bad old habits of our thought process ie being negative or reacting negatively as an automatic response to any situation. So once one decides to choose to be positive the next important step is to train/retrain the mind to make the first and natural response to any situation a positive one. This can be done. Quite often when I go for my walks my thoughts are full of the difficulties of life and quite negative. Since I realised the need to retrain my thought process and have spent some time on working on this - I went for a walk yesterday and 50 minutes in I realised I had not had one negative thought!! Life is still throwing up it's challenges but I am now responding on a much more positive and natural level.

Paul, I totally know what you mean about retraining your thoughts. I'm in the middle of that process in many areas of my life and thoughts, and it really does get easier over time. As a visually oriented person, it helps me to visualize pushing the negative thoughts out of myself and releasing them and tapping into positive thoughts and energy and filling myself with them. While my negative and angry thoughts still continue to haunt me and try to take me over, I'm getting better at blocking them and that makes the retraining of my thoughts easier, actually that is part of the process. I had a pretty good day at work today on the emotional front, first one in about a month. :-) [I love my job and that was never the problem, but the new people I have to work with] I'm actually smiling as I type this rather than fighting of tears, nice switch! :-) I think I should go celebrate this, but am really too tired. Hugs to all of you. Evelyn

Paul,
One of the reasons i really like reading your corner is that i relate to most of the things you post. I'm trying to work on the same thing these days - retraining the mind - you should have seen the person i was a year ago, constantly worried about everything,not taking it easy and just enjoying the small things. You are right, i believe it's all in our head.
My mother always says i am a pessimist, i used to call it a 'realist'. Eventually, i think i became an optimist and it's very easy to live with. I find it much more easy to just be happy :-)
It's really great to hear you've had a 50 minute walk with only positive thinking ! Sometimes when i am in a very bad state of mind, i try to see the 'big picture' - beyond the difficulties that i am in in that very moment moment - and then i see i have a lot of things in my life i should be grateful for. It helps.

Evelyn - thank you for your words a few posts back. The new job is quite difficult, i am not used to so many responsibilities and i have tons of things to learn, but i believe everything will be okay, i just have to give a 100%. Adjusting takes time.

Olga.

Hey, everybody:

Now that Paul's emotional level is coming around, I have an idea. Party at Paul's! That'll bring him back to normal. A bunch of fans running wild over his property while he lets us enjoy his brewed beer and salami, etc. Gotta love the thought.

Don't worry Paul, we'll call first. lol.

It's Friday a.m. and I'm looking forward to the weekend. Everyone stay safe and have fun!

Paul, got a question for you. When you're out doing your walk, and your mind is hitting on all cylinders, do you think of all kinds of things that you need/want to do when you get back from your walk? When I'm out walking, I think of things that I want to do when I get back, then when I get back, my mind goes blank and I only remember them again when I do my next walk. I think I'm going to start carrying either a notepad and pen or a small recorder!!! I'm unsure if my forgetfulness is a sign of advancing age (I'm 52) or if it's a sign of a disorderly mind. Either way, it's darned aggravating to think of things that need doing and then promptly forget to do them. :-)

WOOHOO, it's FRIDAY!!! Have a great weekend everyone!!!

you know how when you're sick you can feel better during the day, but when the sun goes down you start to feel all icky again? sometimes that's a pattern my thoughts fall into. i'll make a decision i am confident and strong about during the day, but then the sun will go down and i set my convictions aside 'till tomorrow. not a very healthy way to treat the mind and spirit. i'm thinking more and more that it even goes beyond retraining. you have to incorporate good thoughts into a daily routine...like yoga or spinach :) perhaps one day i'll succeed at doing this.

will you all please shake this off? Life is about fun, too.

Kay Lynne, life is about fun and I am not suggesting for a moment that I or anyone on this post doesnt know that. But the idea of training yourself and your mind and indeed your spirit to actively persue fun and positivity is an interesting one. I know sometimes I persue fun in a negative way often as it seems like a way to escape but ends up being a road to nowhere. So I am now workng on taking steps to train not just my body by going to the gym, doing my walks and tai ji but by also training my mind in positive freedom thinking techniques - "pftt" say that once or twice and you will realise it sounds like the top of a beer bottle being ripped off:)!! or a release of frivilous gas :)!! Either way I am having fun.

oh "shake what off" exactly??

teaching, learning, being observant doesn't mean you're putting yourself at a distance and analyzing to death. it means you're stopping to smell the roses while you suck the marrow out of life....or an ice cold beer.

Please don't take what I said the wrong way. It just seems that lately everyone has been so pensive about everything they're doing and, yes, over-analyzing it to death. I know it helps to talk out problems with others. I also know it helps to laugh with others. Now, please be honest with me. Look back on the past posts. Most are very somber in tone. We should also be sharing with each other fun things, stupid things that the husband/wife/kids/dog/cat did. We should be able to laugh together. Listening to one another is great, but we should also be able to offer a smile. I truly am sorry if I offended.

Hello everyone-
I believe there is a time and place for everything and everyone. And Kay Lynne was in a different place than the "post" was. I know when I have my weekends off I am in a fun seeking mode too. I just want to get away from work, home, the kids, my husband( ha ha I have to take him with, I guess :).... just for a couple of hours if I can. And of course, you don't want to be "alone" in this mood: you want people to join you. I didn't take any offense.......
I am practicing to respond positively---- :)!
I work nights, so when I come home on the weekends I get to sleep for about two hours then the kids wake up and "start" knocking on the door. There are five in the house now and one... by ....one... they knock on the bedroom door for something. By the third knock I "screaming" Let Me Sleep! So for me I have to retrain myself all day long to be positive. Anyways, thats just me.
I hope everyone's Saturday is going well.

Kay Lynne, being happy and being somber both have their place, but sometimes when I am in a bad spot, it's tough to find or see the happy things, because the pain, the conflict, the unfairness or whatever are so overwhelming and so much in the forground, that I'm barely hanging on in the first place and seeking out the happy feels like an extra burden and adds to my general feeling of vulnerability and being overwhelmed. I know this sounds terribly gloomy and I'm definitely beyond this phase, so on to the happy stuff you want to know about: Quite frankly it was the gifts of happiness and love that I received from friends, from comments you all posted here that kept me going, but they came to me, I didn't have to do anything, other than allow them to happen. For example, my friend's 15 month-old son whom I babysit and pretty much only speak German to (per his parents request): two weeks ago he said his first German word and used it correctly! [Can you sense the pride there on my part? :)] Another day he sent me flowers to the office to cheer me up --what can I say, I guess he's not the only one who has someone wrapped around his finger, it goes both ways. And just hanging out with him has been amazing, all the hugs and kisses from him and just seeing his joy for life, frees me and allows me to let go of myself in a way I don't do otherwise. (Note to self: think about that one to make that happen elswhere) I spent all morning with him, hence I'm in a great mood! And of course the concert/performance I went to last night also helped raise my spirits. It was spectacular! It was a concert about medieval Spanish music from the pilgrimage to Compostella in the 14th century, but rather than "just" doing the a cappella vocals with some limited medieval instrumentation (which is what that groupd normally does, and mind you very well) they collaborated with a dance company and incorporated modern dance and staged this pilgrimage story and it was so fantastic!!!! [Another note to self: learn to sing and move like that :)] Very interesting "clash" of styles that in the end harmonized and blended so well. Pretty darn amazing! This of course put another idea into my head, namely that I would like them to perform this in April at the international medieval conference we are currently organizing at work. My boss (whom by the way I like a lot and we work well together!!!) and I were discussing some of that on Friday afternoon, that we really would like to add some medieval themed performances from the local art community to this conference, hopefully benefiting both sides. I've collaborated a little with the music director in the spring so I hope that he remembers me from that. It would be amazing if we could work something out. There's really not a lot of time, but my boss is just as excited as I am. She saw Friday's performance too. Keeping my fingers crossed that we can negotiate something like that and I will get to work on it first thing Monday morning.

Paul, like your pftt, both in its allusion to opening a beer bottle, but also what it stands for, even though my first thought of course was to weird computer abbreviations along the lines of "ftp" or "http." Spending time in the gym right now is a very "spritual" experience for me these days, since I not only push myself physically, but it is also the time where I do most of my thinking and retraining of my thoughts, mind and spirit to reach for the positive. What kind of things do you do as part of your pftt?

Kay Lynne and all, as I have said before: a post can not and does not offend. What it does is affect, move us and the direction is entirely our own free decision. When I read something that affects me I ask why does it affect ME - not how dare they affect me. We are free to post how we are affected and in fact that is why I post, I am journeying through life with your input as inspiration. This is a forum for us to discover and share those discoveries.

It may seem strange but how often when we are feeling really bloody good and on top of it do we stop and ask ourselves why do I feel good? Very Very rarely - It is when we are unclear, uncertain, uncomfortable, when we are questioning and searching that we tend to ask that question and there fore the post tend towards the soul searching stuff and are overly introspective.

I certainly agree over analyzing is not the way to go - over anything often proves to be a crutch with the exception of over joy!

Life is quite simply there to be enjoyed and that enjoyment shared. Can I say that I am 'enjoyed' with life!? I am embraced by it's ying and it's yang and with this I share.

And here all along I only associated pfft to cat fights. Can't remember the last beer that I opened. However, my cat does a disappearing act quickly whenever my husband opens a new bottle of Pepsi. Guess she thinks it's a bigger cat. Anyway she finds that she need to be in some other part of the house in a hurry.
Well must run. Will help hubby fix Sunday Breakfast. We're spending the day doing household chores and trying to get ready for our trip to Kansas in 3 weeks. Another big Catholic Wedding. Party hearty.
Hugs all arount til next time.
Sherrlyn

I'll be signing off the board now. Goodbye, and take care everyone.

Well, it seems as though I am picking a rather tense time to jump into the conversation....is the conversation serious or about farts? Somebody tell me!!!!! There are virtues in both types of convos.....

Paul, goodness....sometimes life just keeps throwing stuff at as....I guess it teaches us perspective....sometimes we find relief in extended quiet moments of introspection.....other, busier, times, we find relief in the sound of things whizzing past us (things that are not pelting us)....

One of my new favorite mantras:

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."

I hope that this finds you all well and happy....or at least on your way to both.

Sarah
(newly employed and located)

s: congrats on the job.

Hi Everyone!!!!

Just when it gets too serious, someone has to say FART!!! Just about fell off my chair laughing!!
Good for you Sarah. Sometimes I think we all take each other a little to seriously!!!!

Hope all is well with you, Paul..
Here's cheers to a new adventure!!!

Love,
Margie

Forgot to say congradulations on the new job!!! Sarah!!

Hey Paul and All,

How've you all been? Well, I hope. Down to just a couple days till the big move and I'm packing packing packing. Haven't gotten a chance to post for awhile but you've all been in my thoughts.

Dear Paul- What can I say? I'm sorry for your show being cancelled in Australia. . . But I'm glad for purely selfish reasons that I may soon be seeing your face here in the US. You, my friend, are purely indestructable. I believe that. Whatever difficulties and hardships are thrown your way you bounce back with a smile and perspective. When others would roll over and quit, you look for the knowledge, the greater purpose. Good things are in your future, Paul, I sincerely believe this. Hang in there, hon. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Sarah: Congrats on the new job!!!

Much love, all. Everybody Smile!!
Megan

Sarah, congrats on the job and the move and good to hear from you.

Pam, where are you going that you have to say goodbye???? You are always welcome here and missed when you are gone. Take care.

Kay Lynne was worried we were a bt serious - which I am - but farting is also an essential part of letting go:) LOL Me and hot air go hand in hand.

Megan it's been a while I hope your move goes well. I dont know about indestructible but I like the idea of bouncing back and finding the gift in all problems. I am sure all can agree it is not easy to do that but I think a necessity. Sometimes it is the choice to make something happen that makes something happen - that is the essence of positive affirmation.

OMG PAUL,
I'm so sorry bout body + soul. I absolutely loved it. I used to tape it every saturday to see you and to get good tips. Don't worry thou i know something will come along for you. I have good faith in you and besides you are a terrific actor. Just always remember to be a positvie side not a negative side coz i was on a negative side there for a moment and beleive me its not good. Try your best and always remember to live life to the fulliest coz that's what im doing.
Take care paul and take my faith and pride with you wherever you go
Lots of love
Vanessa xxoo