Paul's Corner

I can relate to what you describe above, Paul, and I don't know for myself how to get out of this either. The only thing I tell myself is to keep an open mind and keep fighting this system that is unappreciative of my skills and tells me to keep waiting and then squashes all hopes with feedback "We are very impressed with your skills, but sorry, you are not getting the job" It's difficult not to take that personally and it is exhausting, as you describe it yourself. Listen to your instincts and follow them. May calm, peace and serenity fill you and guide you through this phase!

hey paul
I thought you might like this quote.

STRENGTH-We never have more than we can bear. The present hour we are always able to endure. As our day, so is our strength. If the trials of many years were gathered into one, they would overwhelm us; therefore, in pity to our little stregnth, He sends first one, and then another, then removes both, and lays on a third, heavier, perhaps, than either; but all is so wisely measured to our strength that the bruised reed is never broken. We do not look at our trials in this continuous and successive view. Each one is sent to teach us something, and altogether they have a lesson which is beyond the power of any to teach alone. --H.E. Manning

you strike me as a strong person. hopefully answers will come sooner than later.

greg from nyc

Hi Paul,
I'm new on the board. I really like what you wrote and feel that I can relate to it.Being tired of doing the opposite of what you want, being what they want and not what I want. I think a lot of people feel that way. It makes me wonder: Are we selling out? Is selling out part of human experience, I mean everybody has to compromise sometimes and and that is of course not the same as selling out unless you overbalance (my English is not so good). But insincere intimicies is just the worst and then you can really feel the difference in quality.

Your post made me think of something I recently read that we have to accept life and ourselves, not blindly and uncritically but with a smile. Accept existence as it is, not because it is just or reasonable or satisfying but because it is all we've got.

Anyway, I think you express yourself really well.......AND I MEAN THAT.

Sara Maria

(((((hug))))) to Paul and all here in the PC.
When have we not identified with this kind of feeling!!

I can relate to it well also.
It's krappy feeling out of control of an outcome.
When u see the promise, the goal, the potential (right in your grasp)...and then it doesn't come together as we want it to - or at least in our timeframe.
It bites!

Can also understand the feeling of why can't i just be real with my feelings and why can't others accept that as I'm going through it? Why must we chin up or Get over it (right away)...in others' timeframes?...
Being real with feelings is a good thing in my book, so why are others uncomfortable when it gets negative or challenging? Why can't they sit with our pain?
Or trust that it is a passing thing, that we are strong and will overcome, but that we need comfort and encouragement in the Now....??!!

Anyway...I like what you wrote Paul. It's visceral. I can truly empathize here with those feelings (not the circumstances, but the core feelings).

Big hugz and comforting thoughts coming ur way...

Katalina

Welcome Sara Maria, I think you'll find a community of caring souls here.
Hey Kat, I didn't want to be nosy and ask about last weekend, and I won't ask specifically about that. Just concerned about your sniffles and such, and wondering if you are okay. I'm sending a HUGE beam of loving energy your way in hopes it will heal what ails you.
Paul, about that whirlpool, I'll be getting back to you later today on that deep topic.
Evelyn I'm so sorry you are having to wade through this shit. I'll beam you up some good energy as well. You can bank it or maybe deflect it onto those who would do you harm. When it hits them they will be reduced to little bugs that you can squish at will. Or maybe put them in a jar and toy with them a bit. Either way, it's an image you can work with.
I woke up in a really introspective mood this morning, so glad my friends here can relate.
Love to you all,
Michelle in Chicago

Michelle: thx sweetiez. Im ok. Lst weekend was wonderful. I met an amazzzzing friend and beautiful soul, and we had a terrific time. We plan on getting together again in summer for some mtn biking somewhere cool. Let me just say..that..for me, I think being open in mind and heart can be a good thing. If we do not take any risks, we will not move forward in life toward our goals. Overall this was a most positive experience and I'm glad I was open to it!!

enzzzzo: nothing was lost, friendship was found! Life is Beautiful (as always), even more so because u r in it. Thx for your friendship, bebe!
Save a salsa for me soon. Hugz. K

Katalina

Paul...Although I always am supportive of everyone (and derive a great deal of pleasure from the effort) and absolutely CLUELESS as to how to champion myself. I am never in the right place at the right time for the right reason. If you find a solution to your dilemma, please share it with me. Thanks. Linda

Paul, I'm currently feeling too tired to respond properly to your new thread. I think many of us know what you're talking about. Naturally, you should get away form these people with "cold smiles" and "deaf looks" if possible. I might possibly post a more thoughtful response if it seems warrented. Otherwise, I believe you successfuly thought your way through your dilema.

Good evening Grandma!!!
Love,
Whit

Paul, I thought about your post all day. It seems many of us are in places/times in our lives that can be a bit uncomfortable. I have something that a friend gave me last year. This one printed page has done more for me than most books. I refer to it often. Let me know what you think:

"Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments in my life, I'm hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.

Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. It carries me along at a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I'm in control of my life. I know most of the right questions and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I'm merrily (or not-so-merrily) swinging along, I look out ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty, and I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new trapeze has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart-of-hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on this present, well-known bar to move to the new one.

Each time it happens to me, I hope (no, I pray) that I won't have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moment in time I must hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar. Each time I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurtles across the void of unknowing I have always made it. Each time I am afraid that I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless chasm between the bars. But I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway because somehow, to keep hanging on to that old bar is no longer on the list of alternatives. And so for an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void of "the past is gone, the future is not yet here." It's called transition. I have come to believe that is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not the psuedo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get punched.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a "no-thing," a no-place between places. Sure, the old trapeze-bar was real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that's real too. But the void in between? That's just a scary, confusing, disorienting "no-where" that must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible. What a waste! I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are illusions we dream up to avoid the void, where the real change, the real growth occurs for us. Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, with all the pain and fear and feelings of being out of control that can (but not necessarily) accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.

And so, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang-out" in the transition between trapeze bars. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening, in the true sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly."

I know that was long, I hope someone gets something out of it. I can't attribute it to anyone as I have no idea who wrote it. It has made a big difference to me in how I look at my life and all the changes and possibilites that come with it.

Love you guys,
Michelle/Chicago

Paul,
What ever eventuates, whether it be you single handedly holding together the whirlpool, fending off perceived dire consequences, or relenting and letting other forces decide the shape of things, one thing will remain certain: You will still be you. All the qualities that serve to define who you are, will still be firmly intact. This cannot change. Some things we can alter, some we can influence, and with others we don't have a hope.
The outcome doesn't have to reflect our existence or our value.
Each of us remains ourselves irrespective.

Your friends expect nothing of you, other than you do what's right for you. That's why they are your friends. They respect you for who you are, not neccessarily what you can succeed at doing.

Others will have varying agendas.
We can't always play their game and win, but if we remain true to ourselves we are always winners.
At the end of the day there is nothing else.

Gotta work now.

Wihes of happiness for all.

Peter

Damn, what a post Paul. Now listen here young feller you aint old nuf to be tired. I can't help but relate mate. But you must know that there's only room for one Peachford inmate on this board and that's me so you have to keep moving in some direction.
Let me tell you about my past few days not to one up ya or anything..but you know just share the ambience of what some can define as hell. First off financially after we did our taxes and filed for free healthcare in the state of GA, we found out that our income was considered poverty level. Me a college graduate and once a very successful person. Ok so let's keep it positive and redirect press on right press on. Well we've been sued by a couple of creditors I had from my salon booth that I couldn't pay, they've filed judgements against me. Today I got notice that I have to fight my aunts estate in court in order to my share of her estate to pay off what I owed her. If I don't fight it, my uncles will be suing me for it. I've told that story before..something that should have been paid off with my mothers estate, but my dad got everything and wouldn't pay it off. So, my blood pressure is trying to stay low, I've been beating myself up on the treadmill for weeks, and really watching my food again and I have lost 0000000 pounds. Fuck that. I still weigh 240...I look like a fucking beached whale. I can't stand to look in a mirror there's this thing hanging on my chin..UGH. And the belly defies freakin gravity. How did this happen? Ahhhh...then my wife and religion. Well my kids are fairly engulfed in the belief system of my wife. And that would be likely since I was part of it for awhile myself. Now, my son comes crying to me the other night, that if I don't stop wearing an earring I'm going to die at this Armageddon and he'll never see me again. That the tattoo was BAD. That I'm BAD and God is not going to forgive me and he'll not have a father anymore. This was my 10 year old. Tonight, they had another church night and he and the 5 year old wanted to stay home. They normally don't, but I said I wasn't going b/c I went last night with them for a special event for them. God hell broke loose. My wife tells me in front of them that I KNOW what I should be doing. Which is blindly going to this church 24/7 and spending all available time doing only stuff they allow.
I'm breaking up inside here. I think that's part of the 240..my body fucking doesn't know what to do anymore. I dont' know what to do anymore.

It is a whirlpool my friend. The only people I can talk to about this is you guys. Sadly I don't live near any of you nor can I just come over for a coffee. B/c of the religious shit, Ihave no real personal friends here. conflicts of interests with my wife. That's why I'm on this board so often. I read what you're doing and it gives me something to say at work...Oh my friend Kat, Peter, Evelyn, Aunt Mil (now MommaMil) or Paul said xyz. I tell them I'm friends with the guy from SB and they just go DuH??? I shrug it off and say we all talk and share recipes and ups and downs. You guys are part of my life. My wifes family is so devoured by religion...all I get from them is "friendly counsel"..PASS and other than that I'm busy with the kids...oh my tap mates...ah they are great. Love them.

Ok so where were we? The whirlpool. You see my life is just one goddamn slam after another. And I truly don't know which end is up or where to turn. I love my kids dearly, but do I do better to just leave and see them when we can have some happy time together? The religion poses an irreconcilable difference with my wife. There is no us without it. I'm scared. I'm hurt. I'm bitter. My own family wants to sue me. That's why I wanted to check out so bad. But I LOVE MY KIDS. But I can't stand this anymore either.
I left out yet another...yesterday on the way home from a client. I'm going down a busy 4 laner and coming up to an intersection people are stopping I put on my brakes and voila..NONE. I pull the emergency brake and it throws me into a 360 about 3 times and I jump up onto the side walk...thank god I was in the outer lane. I finally get home...that car is in the shop this morning and my wifes car blows on us. Now are you guys on the floor lol yet? I mean how much shit can you handle in one fucking day?, week? month? I'm like a freakin shit magnet.

So in specific response to your post Paul. I know..seriously know how it feels to be out of control and feel like your being lied to or not getting your due. I know what I want too, but how I can I get it? I want my family to be a happy family of 6 w/o all the legalistic shit and to embrace life for what it is. I want to get away from here. Live somewhere near the water where I can take a walk like I did when I was kid growing up to free my mind. Nothing ever worked so well for me as a teenager as to take my dogs to the beach at night and just walk and walk and sit and look at the stars until I could think straight. That salt smell, the sound, and my faithful unconditional companions.

Well no one is alone in this world. Especially here in PC. Say what you feel. Thanks for listening.

Paul..I really think things will go up for you. You've got success in your blood. It's still there. And your family loves you right? I mean you say that all the time. That's powerful. Really...I don't have it.

peace mates

timbo

Paul...Here are a fourteen year old's thoughts on this. I think that everyone can relate to what you are feeling. At one time or another, we all feel like life is beating the crap out of us for no reason and it isn't fair. Well, life isn't fair. Life is a random series of events, some good, some bad. You just need to learn to keep some happiness while you are going through bad times. It's hard to keep your spirits high, but you have to. You can't pick that you want life to be good to you. That's not how you learn more about yourself. When you go through bad times, you can learn more about yourself and discover who you truly are. You need to deal with the cards that you are dealt. Life sucks for me a lot. I often feel that I don't see how I can make it through another day, but I manage to. I just keep on living. Be the person that you want to be, not the person that other people tell you or want you to be. Forget all of the other people. It's better to be yourself than to pretend to be someone that you aren't. Not to sound selfish, but make yourself come first. When you take care of your own problems, then you can take care of other people. Just never lose yourself by helping others before you help yourself. Life is a long journey, just take it one day at a time. Embrace each day and make the most out of the bad times. I hope this doesn't sound too cliche, but sometimes that's the best way to explain it.

Best Wishes,
Jenny

Paul, I'm back and still tired, but I reread your thread and I must confess that the sort of discomfort you describe is often what motivates me to let go and allow life to take me where it will. The sort of career you want requires a lot of sacrafice (from what I hear). Do you really want to go where this leads?

I have cable for a few months and I find myself watching the Entertainment channel; life stories of celebrities are so interesting. Most of these actors suffered at least as much or more than they celebrated. Success is certainly a mixed bag, but failure is the alternative. Or is there something else you want to do?????

Good night Mil. Thanks for keeping in touch with me.

I still haven't read anyone's post on this thread. They probably read much like mine. I'm always interested in what the lot of you say. You're a thinking crew.
Love,
Whit

Tim,
Crikey mate. What can anyone say?
I'm so very sorry to hear of your situation, but don't let all the crap blind you from seeing what could lie over the horizon. It's your choice to take the journey wherever you wish. You most definitely have that power and the freedom, even if it isn't immediately apparent.

I believe that anyone should be very cautious in giving you advice, except perhaps for this: "checking out" is most definitely NOT an option.
As I recall, Paul made a powerful suggestion a little while back. It was along the lines of this:
Stop enduring your unhappy current existence, and start a new one that will let you start LIVING.
(Paul, I hope I recall the intent correctly).
I can't say what changes are neccessary to make that happen, only you can determine that.
Tim, ask yourself: Say you started living your life for yourself, would it be worse than your current situation?
Would it possibly bring you greater happiness?
Would it facilitate an environment where you could take control and get on top of things?
Would it allow you to become stronger, more free, more complete, more YOU?
Would there genuinely be any major deficit due to any such changes?
And what's the worst that would happen?
You're kids may not agree with you, but at least they would have an opportunity to reflect on some exsitence other than the one being imposed upon them.
Only you can answer these questions, mate.
Be kind to yourself Tim. You're obviously a good, intelligent man with a kind heart and strong conscience. Be yourself, you will find the right answers.

Peter

Express yourself. Don't repress your feelings, but let them come out naturally without altering them.

Every step forward is progress. When you cling on to something, you make yourself emotionally dependant on it. You become a slave to your goals.

You don't have to prove yourself to anybody, including yourself. It's hard not knowing, especially for long periods of time. When you feel stuck, take time to bask in the silence within. It's easier to hear the answer when there is no noise to distract you.

"when do I get what I want, have I ever had what I wanted or merely enjoyed what I had?"

I'm sure you could think of many things that you can appreciate in your life. You have a wife and children that you love. You were in a wonderful film. You've had a successful career as a dancer.

"I know what I want, I just dont know how to get it, make it happen, surrender to its timetable, faith, trust, chin up, stay at it, cling on tight real tight dont succumb to the tired, to the whirl pool - hang on, do more than hang on - dare to dream, dare to believe"

Your intuition will provide the answers. Life is about discovery. "Making it happen" and "clinging on real tight" suggests that you are being to forceful in your pursuit of your goals. You can't achieve your goals by fighting your way toward them, but by working toward them gently.

Peter...
Wasn't trying to bore the board..just throw out my laundry for critique. I'm not checking out..at least not voluntarily. But I am considering some alternatives to my current existence. I know I've said that before, but big changes require BIGGER thought.

Whit you were so on, with your comments. You really do have to sit back and say "is this really what I want?"

JSlove..haven't noticed you at the corner before..but I haven't been here for a really long time either. Great insight. I like your comments and from me to you welcome.

Jenny you're too young to be so insightful. Go to your room. (just kidding) Oh honey..if I were your age again and would just listen to people like me and my parents and others 14 would be so much fun it would simply scare you. I was so traumatized by everything at 14. FAT, this..that..oh just such a crappy adolescence. So preoccupied with peer pressure. FORGET that NOISE. There was a lot I liked and should have just done it and the hell with everyone else then. Should have listened more intently to my mom a few times. But you teens..and you know I'm right you never think we "Oldies" know or were ever there. Trust me we were and it hasn't changed all that radically. There's still peer pressure for certain clothes, music, styles, sex, schools, drugs...it's all there. It was there when I was 14. You're a very smart person to just be able to converse at your level. Take your own advise on your bad days. Be you. Start working on that person that you are. Those people you hang with now and seem so so all important..you may or may not ever see them again after you graduate from high school. So don't worry about it.

Peter...I'll get there. Again it was just time to unload the dirty clothes basket.

Thanks for caring and the advice.

peace mates

Timbo

Ah Tim, what can I say... I know as I typed I am no where near that level of mayhem that you described and that possibly it will hit a nerve in my dear readers.

So your a shit magnet hey! I am glad we can have a giggle together over that title but the serious side of it is downright wrong. No one deserves that much shit!! You like me must continually ask why me, what is it I am to learn through this shit. Ask Tim, ask. And then listen to the answer and if you know it is in your heart to take this lesson and grow from it - do it.

You deserve to be happy. My wife and my family love me - I love me - do you love you, Tim? How much more shit are you going to take before you crack in the worst way for you.

I know you have been trying to make changes - keep on going man - you and only you can and will burst that bubble. Together lets keep our chins up (yeah yeah all six of em!!!:)

Dare to dream, dare to believe, dare to change

Hey Paul - and everyone,

Once again I thought I'd drop by and wow you guys have been busy. I think I'm the only person in the US who doesn't watch the news anymore. One of my friends was talking about some goofy minister of information guy and I was the only one at the table who had NO IDEA who she was talking about. *oh well* The "advertising campaign" for the *invasion* just can't sell me. I'm not buying it.

So I've kept myself busy busy busy... Things at the hospital have been insane too. What with the SARS paranioa, code Orange and all. *SIGH* I just finished a TV spec, and am almost done with a manuscript. Amazing how much writing one can get done when you shut yourself off from everything. I think having to pay even more taxes this past 4/15 really just killed me...

Good, Bad, I dunno... Just keep moving.

Anyways, I thought I'd drop in and see what was happeneing in this little corner of our universe. Thank you Paul and Cat for making it possible. :)

Take care everyone, and I do miss you all - I need to try to check back more often - and keep up!

Love,

Charlie

paul: thank you for posting what i feel sometimes. not that i am defeated (or you are either), but sometimes you just get tired of giving that 110% on a tuesday or you're tired of fighting a battle you thought you'd won already. it's exhausting being optimistic. much easier to throw in the towel and say, "oh well." but, giving in is not in our nature, though. so you keep on going, but you still need to say, dang, am i ever gonna get a reprieve? i need a breather, time to regroup. no rest for the weary...or determined.

completely off topic now -- several times i have read some of you say how nice it is to open up on bulletin boards, or, perhaps more specifically, this board. i envy that. because while i certainly do my best, and at least don't shy from it, i do find it harder to open up on boards than in real life because i find that intention can be misinterpreted in writing, and not knowing all of the person but this one part that they share on this particular board (they or i may share another part on a different board that taps a different need). i like talking on this board and am getting slightly more comfortable. however, those of you that are already, i admire. i have a friend who thinks i'm amazing (thus, why she's my friend ;)), but she finds it so funny that it takes me awhile to warm up to people while she is the type to trust immediately until someone gives her reason not to. neither approach is better in my opinion, but might explain my hesitancy on boards. any thoughts?

Texas, always happy to read from you - post as you will it is a place for you , me and others. I am honoured that you share as much as youd do!

Charlie glad to hear from you!

HI Guys, I am sitting here musing over your thoughts and realize that I have no profound ideas yet today. Tim, as you are taking inventory, I am sure that you are considering that there are things going on beyond your control, and that the things you must do-love your kids and wife, as well as be healthy are things within your sphere. And I don't need to preach anymore. Your story about your son breaks my heart, and I have some personal views about legalistic religions that I won't express here.
I have been dialoging with my husband and my boss about what you all are talking about. And the best I can figure is that sometimes things are hard and the reason is to learn from them. My boss is having a hard time with one of his kids, and he fails to see his ridgidness as being one of the contributing factors to her rebellion.
My husband has had to go suddenly to his father's to be sure that the nursing facility and hospital have Grandpa's last wishes on file. Grandpa has Alzheimer's and cancer. In the progression of these two things we can only be sure that he is comfortable, and nourished and loved. He hasn't known me or our daughter in several years. I never knew the vital man I see in slides from the 60's and 70's.
And I'm talking about me. Sorry. Tim, please keep communicating with peeps via this board-the outlet is good for you and as Mr. Paul says-keep your chin up. I have been trying to eat right and ride my beloved bike for weeks and haven't! So I guess I haven't been trying!
Paul, could you and your family move next door? Don't you want to come to ARKANSAS?
Gotta Jam, I'm making a dress, then must make my costume for the next play.

When I am at my limit and I can't stand the pressure of being a "shit magnet"(we all have those times don't we? I sure do!)I often think of a quote from the movie The Shawshank Redemption. "You either gotta get busy living or get busy dying". So far I've always chosen to get busy living though it was a tough choice sometimes. I wish this was a post with lots of good advice but the truth of it is we are all in the same situation some are on the crests of the rollercoaster and some are on the dips but we are all together on the ride so we can just cling to each other,do the best we can and try to find some fun and some love along the way. Fifteen minutes till work..gotta get busy living.
Peace, Inn.

Peace Inn: SR is one of my fave movies!!
Yes, we must get busy living....

Tim: i laffed at ur Smagnet label. Damm that's so true sometimes. i was dying when u described ur freeway adventure. oh gooooood. pobrecito..
c'mere..((((((hug))))))
things r gonna get better. one thing's for sure:
the only constant is change. all things are temporal. so even the bad times' days are numbered, okay?!! that is fact...truth. give it little time.
hey, BTW: i live near the salt air and nice beach!
I swear - that's why i moved out of the city. i needed a refuge, needed a real peace. i come home from a nasty day at work (many days...i can relate with Evelyn more than i can say), and come home over the hill - see those Olympic Mtns. the trees and breathe....I'm home....yaaaaaay. Breathe in, Breathe Out. Relief.
Maybe we just need to be responsible enough (to ourselves) to create those little places of refuge - of peace for ourselves whether it's a place to walk and think, or a group of loving supportive friends, or an activity/passion we love and adore that we can fully express our selves and feel like we're truly living or are completely alive in the moment....things like that...or even time out to sit, think, be...meditate...
Little moments of ambience...little refuges for the sanity and happiness of our soul. Moments to recharge so we can get out and tackle things again.

Good luck Tim bebe. U know we're all here for you. You are completely supported here at the PC, you know, and very much loved.
Hugs,

Katalina

OH MY GOSH! Never have I read such (no offense) crap! I just watched Joseph on cable...an awesome movie, by the way, and I decided to get online to find out just who this Paul guy was. What I found was a man with three beautiful daughters, something we have in common. I also found a man who didn't seem to appreciate life for what it was or what he could make it. If you are looking for answers, take a cue from "Joseph" and look to God. If you have problems with your life, perhaps you should give it to God. I don't mean to preach at you but come on! Everyone has crappy days...everyone is unhappy once in a while. I live in my inlaws basement for crying out loud! A two room hole in the ground made just for my husband, my three little girls and me! Yes! I get mad about it! Yes, I throw my fits, too! But, I know things will get better. I know I am special and I am here for a reason. I know you are special and you are here for a reason. Write something happy, it might make you feel better.
Oh, wow, I was reading more and this is really like a soap opera...For Tim...I have no advise but I will tell you this. I had a cousin that was a Baptist. I am baptised Catholic but I am really just a Christian. (I dont believe in man made rules in a church). This cousin was really into the whole church thing...he believed that women couldnt wear pants, that all other religions within Christianity were going to hell, he even believed that dancing was wrong. He never treated me badly but he did not associate himself with me either. We were the same age, graduated the same high school, together. He went off to college and suddenly something happened. He grew dreadlocks(SP?) and went off to follow PHISH. He eventually moved to Chicago and became a glass blower. He was great at it...and he was the cousin I had known before. He died April 7, 2003, at the age of 27. Because of the wedge that the "baptist religion" put between us, we never got to be close. Even though he no longer was the religious fanatic he was, he WAS forever changed. And I will never get to tell him how I loved him because now he is gone. I shouldnt have let that baptist crap stand in my way. It's not worth it in the end. All, we need to know is that God loves us and if we are Saved (accept Jesus Christ as our Savior) than we are going to Heaven. We dont need all these rules and regulations. I am new to this post so I dont know what you have said to your wife about your problems that you have but if she loves you and you can both come to an agreement on your beliefs that would be best for your relationship and your kids...I love my husband, and I dont want him to be "Left Behind" either, so I know how scared your kids must feel when they voice concern for you. I do it myself to my husband Paul. As for gaining weight. My husband was 170 when we started dating, 180 when we got married and is now about 300 pounds...some is muscle :) nonetheless, marriage makes you fat. That is my theory anyway. But I still love him. No person is perfect, so dont expect yourself to be. Just love yourself, love your family, and be there for them...

This is simply my opinion and I wanted to express it.

Christina: As a newcomer to this board, it seems to me that, you might have refrained from criticizing in such a tactless and personal way, both Paul (the reason for this board in the first place) and Tim, a longtime resident of this board. If that were directed at me, I would find that very rude, even hurtful, especially as u didn't even introduce yourself first, but jumped right into such judgmental and negative criticisms of two longtime members of this board. Also, we all try to keep a certain level of respect and offer tolerant, open minds about personal religious beliefs and don't go forcing religious opinions down one another's throats. It's ok I think to express an opinion, but ...to slap labels and condemnations upon those who do not agree with our own belief systems is simply underlining a narrow, intolerant and fearful mind. Is your faith so shaky that you cannot handle differences in thought or other religious ideas, but feel you must "convert" everyone else to your belief system? This is the one major issue I have against organized Religion. That there is only ONE way to God or to Truth.

Also, it's very brave to open up and share personal life and troubles and ideas (not just religious ones) online, so I had a hard time understanding how you could dare to do such a thing as even slightly attack these two people in such a way, without taking the time to become a member of this little community first, become known yourself, and understand the context and history or frame of reference first.

I would advise you to be careful, respectful and to be more tolerant than you have shown, Christina, as there are many different peoples on this board who come from a variety of backgrounds, cultures, countries and belief systems - and yet all of us have come together in unity over a common interest of our admiration for Paul (whom you criticized here). And we have since found many things in common together.

Respectfully,

Katalina (aka: "guard kat")

Tim, so sorry to hear of your struggle, but you will make it! You sound pretty sure that things on the religion front won't change, that kind of intolerance must be really frustrating. I hope you can create your own peace, build your own foundation based on who you are and who you want to be. It's out there waiting for you!

On a lighter note, why not turn something crappy into something good? I'm thinking a pooper scooper service called Shit Magnet would be a real winner! Of course the sign would read S*#T MAGNET. Hey, I've got two Golden Retrievers who are prolific poopers, and I really hate that job. Just a thought, hoping to bring a smile to your face.

Kat, I did see the joke with the two chocolate bunnies. That was a cute one. Hope you're feeling better.

Inn I love Shawshank Redemption. I watched Tim Robbins speaking at the National Press Club on C-Span a few days ago. He spoke powerfully about our dwindling civil liberties in the U.S. The fact that anyone speaking in opposition to the administration is being labeled anti-American and unpatriotic (the accusers having wrapped themselves in the flag). Let's make sure the Iraqi people are liberated and free to dissent, but don't expect this country to follow suit. Such hypocrisy we live with!

Love to the Corner,
Michelle/Chicago

Hey Michelle: hee hee...bunnies..yummm I'm gonna give my nephew some real competition in our Easter Egg hunt this Sunday.LOL Make him WORK for it!! Hahhahaha (put the pressure on, the speed. *grinn*)

I like your idea of a pooper scooper svs. (S@#t Magnet) I like it. Did you know the going rate for that service here is about $20/hour? For real!!! But, I think it's worth it. blech. Yik bleh. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Everyone have a super day today.

Hope i wasn't too...well...too "guardkitty" here earlier. couldn't help it. i protect those i love. my nurturing side. *grinn*

Hugz,
Kat

I enjoyed your post Inn. I agree; we all seem to be on the same ride. It's fun sharing this trip with you.

mary ellen, I'm sending you my energy of love as you help your husband through this difficult time.

texas, I know it doesn't show now, but I was initially a very shy person. I've overcome this behavior and I often initiate conversations with strangers and do other extroverted things (like flying to FL to meet Mil). I eventually developed a paradigm for socializing. I give people my respect immediately; it's the loss of it they have to earn.

Tim, I'm reading these posts backwards so I may make a comment to you again in this post. I'm finding that not knowing exactly what I want is the thing that's really holding me back. I think I know how I could do this Fine Art thing, but is it what I want? Does it serve a worthwhile purpose? Most of all, do I really enjoy it? Until I answer these questions I can't go full steam ahead even if I know how to do so. Oh, and that was good advice to Jenny.

This is sort of like watching a movie in reverse, but I thing Peter's post to Tim is excellent whatever the current situation.

I like your approach JSlove. Gentle persistence works in many situations ;)

Great post Jenny. You're a Philosopher Princess. Many times, for me it's just impossible to "keep" the happiness in every situation. In my case, it's a problem with brain chemistry, but I suspect it's also partly due to some urge to cling to circumstances, even unpleasant ones. Better the devil you now than the devil you don't, eh? Don't worry. I'll be leaving my comfort zone soon.

Ok, I just read your description of your current existence Tim. Peter's right, we have to be careful about throwing out advice. I must say it pains me to read of your suffering. I would recommend you continue to work toward your screewriting goal if you really want that. Until you sell a script or two, it wouldn't be necessary to move to CA, if ever. And on the relationship front, don't get me wrong, I'm about equality for all, but aren't women subservient to their husbands in her belief system? This legalistic philosophy can give you a handle on this situation. Work the system that's being imposed on you. You're the king of your own kingdom. Take back your throne! I know. Easy for me to say. I love ya Tim. Chose any alternative but the permanent one, but do something before you give yourself an ulcer.

I'm at april 18th and it's another insightful post from Peter. He's right Paul. We have no expectations for your behavior. We do want you to be happy and live a fulfilling life. I want that for everyone on the planet!

Michelle/Chicago I enjoyed the words you shared. I got a fortune cookie which read something like "You can't see the other shore until you get in the boat and leave the shore you're on." I guess that was a another way of communicating that important concept of transition.

Poor Linda. Some believe we are always in the "right place". Of course this is only evident in hindsight.

Katalina, glad to hear you had a good experience with your enzzzo. Mountain biking sounds like a fun thing to do with a friend.

Sara Maria, welcome! You're right. There are certain aspects of life we must accept. You express yourself well. I hope you continue to post.

Greg, I'm a subscriber to the bruised reed concept too. Unfortunately, I see times when people don't learn the lessons of previous burdens and buckle under subsequent ones.

Evelyn, please send me some of that calm, peace and serenity too. I hope you have a good weekend. You earned one.

Momma Mil! Good afternoon to you. I hope you're doing well. Maybe you should email Tim on the topic of body transformation. It sounds like he needs a pep talk from Momma!

Paul, you're a rich man when it comes to the friends you've made on this board. Everyone seems to speak from their hearts and we love you whether you be a computer salesman or a superstar. Fight like hell for what you want, but make sure it's what you really want because you're going to get it if you just press on.

It's getting nice out. We're having "shorts" weather! I'll visit the Corner again soon.
Love,
Whit

my station for the day to bounce into the day:
C89 FM, Seattle, WA (KNHC)
boom boom boom boom, chickah, chickah, chickah,
boom boom boom boom!!

LOL

techno beats to ya'all today.

Luvzies,
Katalina

Hey Whitney! Thanks for reading that, I know it was long, but I really just wanted to share that with someone. Have a great weekend with your pup, does he play frisbee?

Kat, you said everything perfectly. Thanks for standing up for the Corner.

Christina, what can I say, maybe it's not such a great idea to make an entrance by calling what someone wrote from their heart "crap". Don't get me wrong, we talk about shit here a lot, but we don't ever use it to describe one another's beliefs or feelings. We truly try to listen and support each other, even when our beliefs might be different than our friends. It is a nurturing kind of community, and it works for us.

Later,
Michelle/Chicago

TO ALL OF YOU ON THIS BOARD: In no way did I mean to offend you. I sincerely apologize if I have done so. Nor, would I try to convert any one of you. I do not even know you. It just seems to me that most of you are all so sad and it is just not what I expected to read on a board like this. As for Tim, please forgive me if you were upset by what I wrote. I "thought" I was showing you that I understood. Not bringing you down.
I thought these boards were about opinions and individuals. Writing in was a whim...and I am over it now. Katalina, I respect your being brave enough to tell me how you feel. Thanks.

thx Christina...
We just really admire these two fellas a lot.
i didn't think their stuff was crap or too soap opera-like at all.
I was just a little surprised at what u wrote.
but of course we can express our opinions..LOL
Katalina

Katalina and All, Crap was the wrong word. I say it often in everyday life and didnt think anything of typing it in. I would never want to hurt anyones feelings by using it or any other form of slang.

Christina: I'm not sad and I don't feel like my life is pathetic. Well, occasionally I do. Everyone feels that way at one time or another. I come onto this board to discuss life. This board gives me so much good advice. I can't talk so openly about life and its difficulties with my friends from school. They wouldn't understand what I feel. This place is a refuge where I can get away from my friends and their ideas and I can talk about whatever I want.

On the other hand...Spring break starts today! I lost my soccer game yesterday 2-1, but it was a lot of fun. Well, my mom keeps telling me to get ready to go out to eat, so I have to go. Bye.

Dear Chickies in my Pen,

I just read this and want to share it with you all

In the summer of 1940 when London was being bombarded night and day by the Nazi bombers, Winston Churchill, England's prime minister, wrote that he took great comfort from an old German proverb: "The trees do not grow to the sky."

That means that problems do not go on forever..even problems that seem to go forever, do
not continue on forever.

It is true that there are a few problems that one can do little about. Fine. But THE VAST MAJORITY OF DRAGONS CAN BE SLAIN..."the trees do not grow to the sky".

Ellie and I took care of our dragons years ago.

Now we have the luxury of looking back at the past with a little regret here and there, but taking each day as it comes, living and loving and sometimes asking each other, "where DID those 50 years go??

Timbo: Whitney mentioned that I should talk to you about your frustration with your weight loss.

I have the same problem, but lately I am thinking that it is my medications that are impeding my weight loss...for instance, I looked up "Celebrex" on the Internet. I take it for arthritis pain. The side effects are many, but the one that caught my eye is "weight gain." Terrific! It's a Catch 22..I need it for the pain, but I need to lose weight also, which would help my arthritis! Kriky!!! (thanks, Peter!)

I would suggest you check with your doctor..just a thought from your Auntie Momma who loves and cares about you!

Have a lovely Easter, everyone, with peace and love!

Momma

Millie-so wise-the vast majority of dragons can be slain! That's a great philosophy! I had to watch SB today so that I would be in a better frame of mind for the next time I need to tilt at windmills. My husband's sister seems to think that I spend my time eating bon bons and reading novels, but as I am trying to express my concern for Grandpa and for her and my husband, she feels that I am way too intrusive. Sheeesh.
I work outside the home and do a bunch of other things like little theatre, and troop leader.

That sounded a little snippy, didn't it? As a lot of you know, if a spouse is concerned about something-chances are-the whole gang will feel it.

Egads, Maryellen, your sister-in-law sounds like a real dragonlady! (At my age, I can make comments and no one will dare dispute me!)

A woman who works outside the home, is a troop leader, and does Little Theatre, is allowed to eat bon bons and read novels in her "spare time" if she has any!

I think a goodly number of the wonderful people on this site also watch SB when they need a real lift..so soothing, so sweet, so beautiful...okay, Paul, face the music, it's true!!

Love,

Momma Mil

To all the good folk on this board:

Just one thing - HAPPY EASTER!!!

(and if you don't celebrate Easter, then have a great weekend).

Cheers,

Peter

Right back at ya Peter!

The Chicago Easter Bunny leaves pizza, beer, and a sausage/pepper combo for the really good kids!

Michelle

Hey Michelle: i'll pass up my choco bunny for your Easter treats any day!! Yummers!!!!!

heheheheh

Katalina

I have stumbled upon this website after spending a most peculiar weekend watching two of your movies. The story of Joseph came on and I felt compelled to watch it, even though religious epics are not my bag. Then, quite by accident and surprise I was flipping through the channels and came upon Stricly Ballroom. I have never seen you before, and I must say that I absolutely felt driven to write this to you. Number One: Why have you not been cast in the U.S. as the next Mel Gibson? Number Two: Patrick Swayze couldn't hold a candle to you, the hell with Dirty Dancing Number Three: Why are you not the next Calvin Klein model...you should be. If the folks in Hollywood think Heath Ledger is all that, they obviously have not paid attention. Perhaps I am way off base and you have no aspirations to be a film star. But as the average moviegoer, you bet I'd be first in line to see anything you star in. I hope this puts a little wind beneath your sails. I've never written anything like this to an actor before, I'm not a groupie weirdo. I just felt compelled for some reason to write this to you perhaps it's at a time when you need it. Who Knows. Good Luck

Michelle,

I'm with Kat, blow the chocolate, I'm coming to your house for an Easter feed!!!

PS I've been a really good kid.

Hi Melanie. Welcome to the board. I watched Strictly Ballroom again today. I can't say enough about this movie. It is so amazing.

I can't stand fish, but since it is Good Friday, I suffered through a fish sandwich. HAHA. It actually wasn't that bad. I'm in a great mood today. My parents got home safely from Kentucky around midnight yesterday. Thank God. My family is going to the Mall of America on Wednesday.

Tim: I'm not your ordinary teenager. I have great respect for my parents. I consider my mom to be my best friend. She provides so much and gives me a lot of love. I understand that everyone has gone through the same problems, but I slightly think they haven't. We live in a new day and age. Teenagers now aren't the same as they used to be. The world is faced by many more problems. Sometimes I think that my peers can be so ignorant. They think that life is all about partying and getting wasted. They think it is okay to follow no rules and do whatever they want. I believe that we were put on the world for a reason. I want to accomplish something while I am here. I am not yet sure what it is, but hopefully I will have a lot of time to figure it out. I want to leave a legacy so that people will remember me.

I will leave with one of my favorite quotes from my favorite TV show ED: "We can either be the person that everyone wants us to be or we can be the person we want to be."

Best wishes and love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Before I read Paul's post I had just gotten back from the mall and had been thinking I'm tired of not looking the way I want. I was actaully thinking the word "tired" and I see everyone else experiences that also (some form of wanting to give up and just get what you want instead of just fighting yourself.) I have been coming almost evey day to read what's new on the board, because I think it's just so cool how supporive everyone is. I don't ever post unless I feel my heart strings streching to my fingers and telling them to talk. Yesterday, I found myself in class, (creative writing) really getting angry at these two girls who were "normal" teens. I've never had the little group of friends, the clothes, the looks, the money, or that's how it feels sometimes. But I like to think that's really not all there is to happiness. Of course, maybe I'm just stupied and that is was makes eveyone happy??? The one thing that has ever helped me when I'm "tired" is to do something for me, alone. Maybe going for a walk (and thinking about fun things), or dancing in my room alone (I do that one a lot.) Doing something for youself is sort of like saying, here's a gift and I love you. It's like when your first in love you will do anything to keep the other person happy. But what do we ever really do for ourselves?
Sorry I wrote so much! And thank you everyone for being kind to each other, it's really cool. And it helps me!

Love,
Melinda

You're welcome to come Peter and Kat! What the heck, we'll really do it up right and throw in the traditional holiday dish that everyone here seems to make, lasagna. No matter what the holiday, people here seem to go for the pasta. Since I didn't grow up here, I haven't quite made that a tradition. Yet.

I don't think the Cubs are in town this weekend or we would definitely have to work a ballgame in to the festivities. Everyone has to experience Wrigley Field once in their life!

Michelle/Chicago

I'm with Melanie, Paul's much better looking than Patrick Swayze and a much better dancer as well.

Christina, we feel free to express sorrows here that we might hide somewhere else, but you'll read a lot of happiness on this board. We're just trying to figure out this thing called life and we stumble frequently. I agree that the word "crap" was an unfortunate choice. As much as I love English, when we use slang, we can often be misunderstood. When I found this board, I read the old posts to give me an idea of who was hanging out on Paul's Corner. Then I was able to decide whether or not to join in.

Michelle, can you send your Easter bunny my way?

Happy Easter to you too Peter and, if I haven't already done so, I wish the same to anyone else who observes this holiday.

Good night Grandma "Momma" Mil! Love you Sweetie!

Good night Ev and All.

Good day to Peter and Paul.

Love and Peace,
Whit

Happy Easter to all at PC.

Tim: Sorry that you are feeling in the crapper again. It just never seems to go away completely does it? A lot like working for an accountant that hates reviewing tax returns. It just never ends. When you think the worst is over, the spring storms come in with high winds, sand and my clean car gets a mud bath (April 15).

Paul: What can I say? You and the "Profession" you are striving for are destined to be at the mercy of those in control of the purse strings. I see no way around it, you just have to live thru it with the love and support you have at home and here on the Corner.

Katalina: You are a fiesty little kitty. I'm impressed. You took the words right out of my mouth. Tho I could relate to Christina's attitude toward the Baptist. I've had that same condescending behavior from them before. I still get it from the bosses kids from time to time. I just try to steer clear of them when they are at the office. Summer will be hell tho.

I made mention some time ago that I didn't think that the Islamic faction in Iraq would ever allow a democratic state to function there, tonight I saw protest from the Iraqi's that this was an Islamic revolt and that it should be a religious ruled country. I think it is time to pack up our picnic baskets and come home and let them build their Islamic state and see how long before another Saddam is in control. Sorry, my political speach for the week. My nephew is still in the Persian Gulf. Helicopter electronics technician and flying with the supplies into Kuwait City.

To everyone else, love and be loved by those close to you and those who visit PC.

Hugs all around,
Sherrlyn

My god at the number of comments. Thanks to everyone for coming to my rescue. Legalism is one thing I just cannot tolerate. Maybe some can, but hey it's not for me.
I so totally appreciate everyones kind words and encouragement. As always I appreciate a special note from Paul. That's unbelievably cool and I am trying to make things happen. I'll have some kind of good news soon. I'm betting on it.
Momma Mil..you are so on with the meds..that's my problem 3 of the ones I'm on (out of 5) have weight gain as a side affect. As in I can starve and run a marathon and from somewhere in my body new fat cells are generated. Sick. But if I quit taking the meds...then I'll end up in the nut house for sure.

Again...you guys are the best. Thanks for all the encouragement. And to the "crapper," you are entitled to your opinions and you didn't hurt me at all. I come here b/c these are my friends and they care about me and I care about them and we try to help people through problems and celebrate their triumphs. You've missed a lot of those. Some graduations, finishing a thesis, finishing a screenplay (mine),..You missed all of the hoopla on Momma Mil's stage production... She is one of the most incredible women I've met on this board (no offense anyone) but she's older than us, but damn she has more spirit than probably 6 of me. She is a great and grand inspiration. It's not all sad here. Paul has been going through a lot. An actors way of life is tough and requires some true gumption and he talks to us here. It's therapy for him and us.

Any way...Happy easter or whatever you do this weekend.

peace and love to everyone.

Thanks Paul and Peter and Kat

everyone...really you're incredible

Timbo

Christina, welcome to the board and thank you for sharing some of your crap with us! This is a place that we share, vent, crap on - an australian phrase that essentially means telling tall stories - and support each other. If some one posts and what they write makes me angry, sad happy or depressed I then gain the benefit of being moved and ask myself why am I moved, what has this person said to have hit a nerve in me and why am I moved to the emotion I am feeling. If I am lucky I can get down into this feeling and learn something about myself and then possibly share that with who ever wants to read my posts.

Life is very tough for me, for you, for all of us but dont confuse talking about this as the same thing as being sorry for ourselves. Communitcation is one of the greatest gifts we have and one that is poorly used and often confused.

As for marriage making you fat - I disagree.

Paul...very true. You can always take what is said and turn it into a learning experience, even if someone says something crappy. It is possible to learn something from whatever you are given.

It makes me feel better venting on this board. I can clear my head of all of my thoughts and questions that worry me. It is great to openly express something that I feel. I am never sorry for myself being alive. I never resent anything that happens in my life, I just learn from it.

Happy Easter and have a great weekend!
Jenny

You are so right Paul, if you think marriage makes you fat then you are not doing the right kind of exercise, if you get my drift.

Night, night to all, think I actually heard it thunder, didn't know we had storms moving in.

Back to the laundry and balancing the old check book and bank statement.

Hugs all around again. Love you guys more than you know.
Sherrlyn

Hmm...I can't seem to sleep. I have too much on my mind right now. A thousand thoughts are rushing through my head.

I figured out what my major fault is. I'm way too shy. Whenever someone talks to me, I have trouble looking at them in the eyes and giving them a direct response. I thought that I was getting better about opening up more to people, but it was obvious that I wasn't when I talked to the referee at my soccer game. He came and talked to me. I gave quick, yes and no answers. That is not going to help me at all. I can speak freely about whatever I feel to people that I know, but I need to learn to talk to those that are strangers. I always tell myself that I need to stop being shy and that I am going to talk more, but nothing works. I am not going to get anywhere in this world if I am shy. How do you guys overcome shyness?

~Jenny

Paul...Thanks for letting us post our collective "crap" here. Once it is out of the system, we move forward.

Big bunny hugs for Easter to all in the Corner!

Linda

Good comeback Paul. Communication is the key and marriage does NOT make one fat. Look at you!! I forgot to mention to Christina that above all else on this board we also talk about the happy things in your life. Hey you were just offered a part in The Full Monty. That was fantastic news. She just didn't read any previous threads or perhaps even posts...she must have seen the family picture though. Speaking of..you should post an updated one Paul. Your girls are older now.
And just to say something postive. I've been doing this mobile hair thing right? Well, I was working in a gated community yesterday where many of my clients live, and met up with some old clients I haven't seen. At one house, I had foils in Leslies hair and her neighbor came to the door...she was blown away that she was getting this done at home. She and a friend want their hair done next week. Good news right? Highlights and a cut $150 a head. $300 for one day next week. Driving through this neighborhood makes me start to feel envious but then I just enjoy the view it is incredible. Hilly with palatial homes set on very large lots with incredible landscaping. The people I know in this little community are all in their mid to late 30's and some as old as me 42 and up. It's the place for "luck magnets." : ) They have all truly found themselves at the right place at the right time. For the most part they are nice. My clients are genuine people and not affected too much by their "status." They easily could be the homes are from half million and up. One was a little nippy at me she was trying to be cute I think, but it was rude nonetheless. I just stopped by to say hi and she was all perky and then said "how did you get inthe neighborhood?"..You have to go through the security guard etc...Well I have to be a smartass when necessary so I told her well you know I just told him I lived here and forgot my pass and he figured I looked like all the rest of you so he let me in. She shouldn't get so "safe" behind those gates. Life does go on outside.

Well I'm going to send my screen play off this week to at least one agent and hopefully more... Paul in an archived post you suggested an agent to someonebefore...could you or would you suggest one for me? You said you had written something and they like the idea....????

And I'm working on obtaining a work permit for an internship in London. I'm waiting on my letters of recommendation to arrive. If all goes as planned I should be able to start it in the summer. It's a long way from my kids and family...but I think I need the separation to find out what I'm all about. I can't be an inspiration and father figure when I'm so fucked up all the time. And, I can send money back to the US and it will be worth more assuming the exchange rate stays the same as it is for awhile. So we'll see. It might be just the catalyst I need to get a move on. I'd come to Australia but I can't get any response down there to my inquiries. And my age almost prohibits me from being considered for anything.

Off to the salon for the day. The book is full unless someone cancels. See the smile on my face..

"I'm wearing my happy face today." now where have I heard that before?????? HMMMMMMMM

: )

peace and love and all good things to everybody

Timbo

Good morning Grandma and All.

Jenny, you sound like me when I was your age and older. I was so shy I couldn't eat in restaurants. When I was 13, I was part of an educational experiment where we could study anything we wanted. I signed up for a class and I was the only one who took it. It was taught by a male graduate student and I was so uncomfortable alone with him that I cried for no apparent reason. I was so embarrased! The next day I lied and told him I'd had a migrain. It doesn't get much worse.

These days they call that sort of shyness "Social Anxiety". Some people outgrow shyness and some drink alcohol to reduce it. You're at the age when I started using beer socially in order to feel cofortable in a group of people. I recommend that you not go that route. Wait until you're older if you want to try alcohol. Young beer drinkers do incredibly stupid things that they regret later, inevitably. Trust me.

If things don't get better soon and you find that shyness is affecting the quality of your life in a big way, talk to a mental health counselor. You may have one at school or you can look in the yellow pages under "psychologists" and find a center for mental health care in your area. Centers are cheaper than private counselors, so try to determine what sort of facility you've called. Do they accept payments on a sliding scale (based on your family's income) ? Of course, talk to your mom about this before you make an appointment.

Hopefully, you'll just outgrow this, but a psychologist can tell you whether you should try the medicines they now have to treat Social Anxiety. It would take a psychiatrist to prescribe a medicine, but you need to talk to a counselor first to determine that you need one.

I know that's a lot of info, but I think my teen age years could have gone better if I'd seen a counselor sooner. Don't worry; it doesn't mean you're crazy Jenny. And don't forget to mention your racing mind if you talk to a professional health care worker. I also recommend excercise as a way to decrease anxiety. Anyone else have any advice for Jenny?

Well, dog out!
Love,
Whit

jeese you people I turn my back for a moment and I have a week worth of reading. Anyway have a great weekend and I hope the Chicago easter bunny comes to my house!

Hi Inn, I'll send that bunny your way when he's made his rounds here. By the way, I watched Bob Roberts yesterday, have you seen it? Scathing satire of the ultra-right wingers. Great flick.

Jenny, my husband couldn't walk down the hallways at school without keeping his head down and he couldn't make eye contact either. He had a school counselor who pointed out to him that the majority of kids feel nervous about talking to each other, a lot of them get through it by faking it, but there are probably more kids than you think who feel just like you do. Adults as well. Mike (my husband) now works a job where he has to talk to people all day, and he is constantly meeting new clients. He even does some public speaking. His shyness was mostly a lack of confidence in himself which he worked on and was able to overcome.
You sound like a great young woman Jenny, and I'm sure you will overcome your shyness as well. You're going through big changes emotionally being a teenager, and those can make the ride a bit bumpy for a while. You seem to have a great family who support you and an outlook on life that many adults haven't achieved. Remember that school seems really important now, and it is a big chunk of your life SO FAR, but you will move on and probaly never see a majority of those kids. You will evolve and grow and move on to all that life has waiting for you, which is sure to be great, wonderful things!
You'll get there, no worries about that. Be gentle with yourself and remember that you've got a real family and a cyber family cheering you on. If you ever need help from us, we are great at sending our energy out in huge loving beams to wherever you are. We're here for you Jenny.

Love to all,
Michelle/Chicago

p.s. Have fun on Spring Break!!

You guys really have been busy…
Jenny, on being shy, first of all don’t look at it as being a fault. It is who you are right now and accept it as part of you rather than putting pressure on yourself for wanting to be someone else. Being less shy can be learned, but it takes time and don’t expect yourself to shake this off over night. I, too, used to be incredibly shy, not able to look into people’s eyes, feeling uncomfortable in some conversations. It’s totally okay to feel that way. For me overcoming my shyness was a question of focusing on my own strengths and talents and not to compare myself with others who seemed to be in, hip and do all the cool things that others wanted to do as well. For the most part, I found many of the hip kids to be very superficial … It took mini-steps, and developing a healthy self-esteem, accepting myself for who I am that enabled and continues to enable me to be less shy. But by the same token, I do listen to my instincts and sometimes, when I sense my shyness coming on, when I hold back or don’t want to be as open and personal, there is a reason for this too. It can function as a protective mechanism as well. But the process of overcoming shyness involves getting out of your comfort zone and that can be at times intensely unnerving, but also the place where you find inner strengths, that you didn’t know you had. Just as in the "story" that Michelle posted earlier in this thread about letting go of one trapeze to fly to the next one. Thank you Michelle for posting it. It is totally on for me right now, letting go of a trapeze and finding the next one & thank you for your beams of good energy. They are greatly appreciated!

Tim, I know this is a very late response, but here it goes anyway. Whenever you talk about your religious problems at home, it sends chills down my back and it makes me want to cry or actually cry and at the same time, it makes me so thankful that I took the chance to get out of my church, which while different from yours, does the same kind of things. As has been stated before, you have to decide for yourself how much you can take and how much longer, etc. The experience you have with your children, breaks my heart for you, but here’s a thought for you: reflecting back on my own experience, I asked myself what it was that gave me the courage to leave, to take a stance of opposition and to no longer unquestioningly participate in this religious practice, to believe that I deserved respect and love and not judgementalism, shunning, abuse—it was people who had integrity, who took a stance against this religious system and abuse, who by their living showed me alternatives and that I wasn’t alone with my questions. Taking that stance was painful and it hurts immensely to have people and family members whom you considered your friends turn against you, cut you out of their lives, but don’t ignore your own needs and beliefs. By becoming whole and being true to yourself, you will give your kids an incredible gift. They might not appreciate it now or ever, … be well and don’t forget to take care of yourself! No one has the right to treat another human being with that kind of disrespect, but it happens anyway. Believe me, lately I have had a lot of shit thrown at me as well and I’m well beyond my tolerance level of how much shit I can take, but it keeps coming and somehow I still keep going. Let’s keep slaying the dragons that keep coming our way, as Grandma, AKA Momma Mil, put it and if there is any truth in medieval legends, the dragon pretty much loses every time and is slain. If there is any way I can help you, let me know.

Thank you grandma for that perspective and insight. As you know, I feel pretty fenced in by all the abuse that has come my way lately, esp. at work, I’m tired of having to put a smile on my face, to stay calm and polite, keep my professional cool, when people yell and scream at me about things that aren’t my fault, blame me for it and tell me that I’m not being professional, take advantage of me and my boss who won’t do anything to stop this abuse, who quite easily could, who tells me "It’s only another 6 weeks" and expects me to keep picking up the slack from my co-worker … I’m going to slay these dragons. One good thing I’m going to take away from this experience is that I have more inner strengths than I knew I had and that I’ve also gotten a lot better at controlling my temper—I used to explode just as badly as these people have done it to me. Change really does begin with oneself and for me, I have to keep learning to respectfully say no when faced with abusive behaviors …

Whitney, here is some peace, serenity and calm for you. I do disagree with your suggestion to Tim, though, that he play the power game with his wife that is perpetuated in so many fundamentalist religions/churches. Wouldn’t he fall subject to the same behavior that he is justifiably criticizing and suffering from? What good would that do, him, his wife, family and his entire conflict?

If I were to attempt to respond to all thoughts expressed her that have triggered new thoughts in me, I’d be typing for a very long time and this has gotten way too long as is. Thus I just want to wish everyone a very HAPPY EASTER (Michelle, I’m coming to your feast, it sounds great …) or a wonderful weekend. Peace, love and happiness to all of you and thank you for being such supportive, caring, nurturing people—you are special beyond words to me!!!

Love & hugs to all,
Evelyn

Dear Jenny,

Now, if you were my granddaughter (and I have many adopted ones on this site) I would suggest the cure for shyness...Show Biz! (Right Paul and Tim?)

Yes, once upon a time in dinosaur times, (well, maybe not that far back) I was very shy and slightly introverted, but when I got up front of the class to give a report, etc., I felt like a star!!

I joined the dramatic dept. of the high school, (and found I was a real comedienne), joined the orchestra and chorus, and was part of a group of terrific friends who I still write to (50 years later.)

In retirement my husband and I have met many people and in my line of "work" (show biz) and we are having a ball! SHY NO MORE is my motto!! (Right, Whit?)

Yes, as Michelle said, it could be lack of confidence, which can be overcome, for you have the right stuff...you are a lovely young lady, I can tell, you have a wonderful Mom and Dad, and now you have another family right here on PC that cares about you!

Timbo, I am so happy for you...you are indeed a man with a plan, and you are moving ahead! I am amazed how quickly your Mobile Hairdressing idea took hold..so what, if you have to go into those fancy neigborhoods..if they've got the bucks, you will benefit! Sock it to 'em!

Going to England sounds like the right thing to do. You will be furthering your career, and a change of perspective cannot hurt..your family will manage, and appreciate you when you get back!

BTW, Timbo, I am on a modified Atkins diet starting today. I spoke to the pharmacist, and asked him about Celebrex impeding my weight loss.

He agreed that it is associated with water weight and edema. He suggested I ask my doctor to change to something else.

Whit, I was in the gym this morning at 7:00 a.m. I exercised on the recumbant bike 20 minutes, then
10 minutes on that thingy for my arms, and another
6 minutes with 3 lb. weights..it seems to be getting easier, but then, I picked up two 5 lb. weights and almost got a hernia!

Gotta go before I get into trouble!

Love you all, have a lovely Easter.

Momma

I have never been considered shy, but I really am rather reticent about approaching new people. I was a band/drama kid in high school and never had the money to buy the clothes that the really popular kids had. Therefore, I learned to sew. I had really cool things that no one else had. For all you 70's folk-I was the one in the jeans, flannel shirts and sandals at the back of the classroom. Not a bad place to be-I was in the top 1/4 th of the class. I have taught students that were so shy that I worked really hard to get them to look up,
and my reward was sometimes a shy smile. Jenny, your playing soccer is a good thing, the other athletes are usually pretty friendly and supportive. My daughter is now on the local AAU track team-She gives it a lot of heart! She's also going to drama camp! Theatre experience is great for developing your self concept- I have said and done things on stage that I would never do in real life. And....everyone gets nervous! My character in this next thing is a mute until the last act and I am supposed to have an "ingenue voice" not a barroom voice. It's driving my husband nuts. I'm workng really hard on it. And I will accept any advice for raising the timbre of my voice, thank you!

Happy Easter everyone.

I find myself feeling rather reclusive these days. Sorry for not sharing. I read everyone's posts and am moved, concerned, joyful and sometimes saddened by them.

Just wanted to stop "lurking" in the shadows for a moment to let you know I'm still hear, still reading, still caring, and still very interested.

Peace and Love

still here... *blush*

Thank you so much to all. I never expected to get such amazing responses.

Momma Mil...I really want to be an actress to help escape shyness. I have never been in a school play, but I've had the experience of acting for small groups. I feel that when I act, I can open up because I am a completely different person. I am not supposed to act like myself. My mother has told me that many actors are shy and that is why they became actors. I would love to be in some kind of production, but I just need to work up the courage to audition.

Why am I shy? I think it is because I don't have confidence in myself. Sometimes I lack confidence due to looks, sometimes due to other things. I am 6'4". I stand out of a crowd of highschoolers. People don't understand that when they comment on my height, it hurts. I want to feel like I fit in. If I wasn't so tall, I would be so much more confident. I feel that I have not found my true talent yet. I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't do anything extraordinary. If something bad happens, I tend to blame myself. If the other soccer team scores a goal, I feel that it is all my fault because I am the goalkeeper. In fact, it is not all my fault. The other people on my team are also to blame because they let the ball get down to me. I just can't seem to get that into my head. I think I am shy because I feel out of place in this world. I don't think that I act like normal teenagers. I have different interests. When other teenagers listen to singers like Eminem, I'm listening to Mario Frangoulis, Michael Buble, or Josh Groban. I am accepted for who I am at my school except for my choice of music. People can not understand why I like that kind of music. My answer: It just feels like part of who I am. I don't mind if my peers will not accept the differences. If everyone in this world was the same, it would be torture. We need variety to make this world what it is.

Now that I have vented, I will feel better for a while.:)You don't realize how much I love this board. It revitalizes me. Thank you everyone on this board for making my day better.

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Dear Jenny,

You are indeed a special young lady, but we here on PC knew that before you mentioned that you were also tall...do you realize how many people wish they could be tall??

You only have to stand tall, be proud, and I'll bet you are stunning!

Here are some gorgeous tall women: Gena Davis, Brooke Shields, Nicole Kidman, Gwynth Paltrow,
Vannessa Redgrave. Sure, they are all actresses, but they found their nitch, and I'll bet when they were your age they too had doubts, but "baby, look at them now!"

In the fashion industry, many successful models are 6' tall. In business, in the arts, in education, in medicine, in sports, women of all sizes excel because of their ability, not because of their size!

You are special to us because of who you are, and I suspect that everyone on PC considers you a beautiful person, inside and out!

Love,

Grandma Momma Mil

Hi Jenny. It's a good thing that school is only a temporary condition. I felt out of place as well, not only because I liked different music, and Shakespeare..not to mention my name. When I was a senior there was this boy who was particularly popular and he was petrified to leave school because he knew he would be a little fish in a big pond. I always thought, I'm glad I never fit in because when I get out into the world I'm going to have so much fun swimming in that big pond, I'm not afraid. I'm still having fun. I have what most people would consider a menial job and a lot of my family's friends look down on me because I don't live in a brand new palace in the newly developed part of town. I like my life, I don't spend 90 hours at work every week I prefer to live in an older home and spend more time with my family. So, I guess in a way I'm still not fitting in but I'm having a hell of a good time! You'll make it, just hang on.
Michelle, I've never seen Bob Roberts but I will look out for it. I've always wanted to visit Chicago, you should PM me sometime and tell me all about your town.
Peace, Inn

Jenny there is lots of good advice here for you. I think drama is a great way of doing something that makes you come out of yourself. Just to let you know every one I know gets nervous before auditions - me included -it seems crazy that after all this time doing movies and interviews and things we still get nervous!!! Also I was a boy doing ballet - I dont think you can get to different than that. I had lots of problems and hassels from other kids because I flew in the face of what was considered normal. I got through it - no secret to it I just got through it because it is who I am and look how it turned out. What would have happened if I had succumbed to normal view stopped doing dance and theatre and played football like all the other kids and then became a chiropractor like my dad and my uncle???

Life may have been grand but I wouldnt be the me I am today and we might not be sharing this time. Being different is special, being yourself and allowing you to discover more of who you are is one of the miracles of living - a great gift. Thereby you are a great gift to this world - Shine on Jenny!!

Innussiq: That's called LIVING!!! Being able to stay afloat and enjoy your family.
I rant about my procrastinating boss, but I'm not working this weekend, Why? Because he didn't get the work I finished Friday proofed so I could finish.
Am I working at home, Nope! Did the laundry last night and this morning. Put a brisket on to cook for tomorrow and fixed hamburgers for supper. Now it is me and the cat to see what we can get into tonight as the DH is at work til 7 a.m.
If I go in to watch TV I'll go to sleep.
I probably need to go to sleep but it is way too early.
Nothing special for tomorrow. If Home Depot is open we may go prowl for paint color for the outside of the house.
Jenny: 6'4"! When folks comment about your height, tell them you are the official net changer for the basketball and soccer teams and that the weather is fine. If I were 6'4" I wouldn't need to lose weight, I would be just about right(not really) but at 5'4" I too am in the same boat as a few others here. Stand Tall, shoulders back, head up, there's nothing wrong with you. Go get 'em girl.
Tim: Good luck on the internship in Europe. Sounds like the mobile hair salon is doing well for you. Great come back on the "How did YOU get in" some folks just need to be taken down a notch.
Hope all of you have a great weekend.
Hugs all around,
Sherrlyn

Jenny sorry the late response, but I have 2 things to say about "that."
1. I was shy as a teenager. I was the fat kid. People made fun of me etc. . . starting in my freshman year. I was also selected friendliest in my senior class. I broke out of the shyness. I was still fat. I still didn't fit in perfectly. In my junior year I had to get a family friend from South Carolina to go to my prom with me. She was 3 years older than me. a hoot huh? But I found what I was good at. I was smart. So I could fit in there. I was in the drama club. I acted in the plays. It was wonderful. I love the stage. It is a vehicle that you can use to "let go."

2. Do exactly what you feel. Do NOT hold back. You are a special person, you have talents, let them show. Just think in the back of your head...you'll probably never see these people again in 10 years...or maybe never...

I just had a revelation today. The things that are going on so rampant in my head are problems from my youth. I was so held back by my dad and his religion that I wasn't allowed to do a lot of things or say things or participate in things as a teenager, so now I'm acting it all out. That's what's going on. I wanted to do hair..I'm doing it. I wanted long hair..so I grew mine out...I've cut it off thought..I colored it. If I was told I couldn't do something at this point in my life unless it is a morally wrong issue I'll try it. Why not? This is a big thing for me..it just came to me today while I was working..All these things I'm doing are just the adolescent Tim finally getting to say and speak forhimself..then maybe I can combine that with what I have experienced and become a more stable and emotionally balanced mature man without all this heavy laundry from my past. I'm psyched.

Happy Easter everybody.

Timbo

Dear Paul,
I am currently a freshman theatre student at Antioch College in Yellow Springs, OH. Your words about emotional, physical and spiritual fatigue resonate strongly with me. Like yourself, I regularly grapple with the fear that the profession that I love will not return its love to me. The current political situation also heightens an artist's (or, in my case, an aspiring artist's)feeling of powerlessness.
How do we reconcile the strength of our love for life and work with the strength of the hopelessness that is sometimes born of it? We are both lucky, I think, in that we have nurturing nuclear families. Optimism is still hard to find sometimes. What is your advice to a determined, though perhaps doomed and irrelevent, arts major?
Thank you for your thoughts,
Jill Summerville
P.S. The short term solution to creative frustration would be for me to write a work that you can star in. Interested? :)

Jill, firstly do not start from a doomed point of view nor one of irrelevence!! See first what it is you have to offer and then know that in offering it you will change people - you will add something to their lives and to yours also. Dare to dream, dare to believe, dare to act.

Write something whether it be for me or not. I love to write, it is truth, it is substance, it is real, it cannot be disputed for it stands tall in ink right in front of me - whether it be right or wrong it is what I am! I would be happy for you to write for me but even happier for you to write for you!

Timbo, fanfuckingtastic!!!! What a marvelous revelation! Well done! Youve climbed a mountain got to the top had a good look around and realised where you are. What you do with it is another story but you at least know part of this moments journey. Well done and good luck with the next leg - I am proud of you!

Tim, when you have a revelation do you write about it? I have found writing about them brings even MORE revelations. I'm talking about pure stream-of-consciousness writing. I was amazed to find myself screaming, crying and laughing on paper. By allowing myself to flow with the emotions the revelation brings forth, all sorts of memories and new emotions make themselves apparent.

Also, I think it's a good thing to have a personal record to refer back to when you're going through a tough time. Bringing forth these revelations can be a little like childbirth, the pain subsides after a while leaving you only the good memories, which is a good thing, but it is also a good thing to remember how you were a strong enough person to overcome that challenge, face it and move on. Maybe someday you'll need that reference to help you in getting past a new hurdle.

Writing in this way is a wonderful release. Brain drain I guess. Just writing for you.

Love to all,
Michelle/Chicago

p.s. Inn, I'll write soon!

Hi everyone. I hope you are all having a great Easter. Thank you guys for your comments. They are helping a lot. I really think that I should try getting involved in drama.

I'm trying to have a great Easter, but my mom is kind of messing it up. She won't stop crying. I am not exactly sure why. I know that it is partially my dad's fault because he puts everything before family. I offered to do whatever I could to help my mother feel better, but she refused. How am I supposed to make her happy when she won't give me a chance? Right now I'm writing her a poem. Maybe that will help.:/ I sure hope so because it is so hard to see my mother sad. When she is sad, it makes me sad because I feel that she is so much a part of who I am. I tried to make my mom not my base, like Tim said in an earlier post, but it is not an easy thing to do. She contributes greatly to my life. She seems so sad right now that she could do something stupid, if you know what I mean. Does anyone have suggestions of what I could do to improve her mood? Thanks.

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Thanks Michelle...great idea. I have been keeping ajournal since my hospital visit. It's been very enlightening.

Jenny...I hope you don't think I meant remove yourself from your mom. I'll explain that later. For now, your mom is sad, b/c your dad has his priorities in a completely different place than hers. You are her friend. You know what she likes. What is that? A great bath? Run one for her. Surprise her with a fresh baked muffin and coffee or her favorite glass of wine. And tell her you're there for her just likes she's always there for you. And that you love her and give her a big hug. And do the silent things. Maybe make a special effort to pickup around the house more, not implying any uncleanness here, but you know just make a few EXTRA steps. Clean out her car. Send her a card/give her a card. Flowers.
I used to send my mom flowers all the time. I knew she never got them from my dad. And she loved them.
As for the base. I mean by that, not to let your mothers conscience/be yours. Develop your own, they may be quite similar, but make it YOURS. Try to be your own person not an extension of your mom. You don't have to sever ties by any means whatsoever. Think of it like elephant ears (the plant) you know them? These bulbs will have shoot offs. They mature and they can stay attached and start sending off their own branches, but they are well established on their own. However, they can be severed from the original plant and still survive. Am I making any sense here? I hope so..Learn everything you can from your mom just BE you.

I think you are a very special teenager and I enjoy reading your posts and hope that something said on this board by me or others helps you become as incredible as you can be.

Thanks Paul..I thought it was pretty fanfuckingtastic myself. It's like things in my head are coming together. I'm kind of developing a plan as I mentioned earlier. And I hope to get this script out this week. If you know of an agent that is good with firsttimers down there please let me know.

Have a great day everybody.

Timbo

Hi Tim. Yes, you are making sense. About the part of what I can do to make her feel better, I tried to do that kind of stuff earlier today. It doesn't help. Whenever I get the chance, I do little extra things that might help her. She just takes blame out on me for trying to help her. I bet that didn't make sense. I don't know how else to explain it. I think that my mom would be a lot better off if my dad wasn't around. You may ask why. Well, to be honest, he is a complete jerk. You would know if you read my poems about him. He represents everything that I don't want to be. My mom, on the other hand, means the world to me. Do you guys have any advice that I could give my mom to make her feel better? I need to do something quick because it is hurting me just as much as it hurts her.

P.S. I understood that you didn't tell me to remove myself from my mom.

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Jenny: I'm still working on overcoming shyness at times, and I'm in my 30s. I don't feel it's a self esteem issue for me, but rather just opening up slowly to people. I'm more comfortable in small groups or one-on-one. Although it's not comfortable I do challenge myself to confront this in many ways, through public speaking, mingling, trying new activities, etc. In my younger days, sports, drama and music aided me in confidence building. And today, I still challenge myself in similar ways. I don't find it a fault unless it stops one from growing and becoming more open and comfortable. As long as we're moving forward and improving in these areas, I think these things can lessen with time and practice. For me, even tho I'm very affectionate and totally myself with friends and those who put me at ease, I am still somewhat reserved in new situations or with new people. But that does go away in time. :)
I love that you're 6'4!!! You are special and unique. One day you will be able to really play up this asset I think. I think you're a wonderful young lady. I hope you keep your thoughts coming. It's great that you're here and sharing. Love and hugz, Kat

Tim: you sound great!! Glad you're feeling better!!! Keep that smile on :) :) :)

Hi Peter, Inn, Whit, Paul, Linda, Momma, Michelles, Christina, and everyone here at PC. Hope all had a wonderful weekend.

Warmly,
Katalina

Wow! you guys have really been posting. Good evening Momma. I made it home from Charleston.

Tim congratulations. I think you've got a real handle on the situation. I hope you're successful in rebuilding these areas of your life. Sorting out what's going on in your secret mind is the key to moving on with your development.

Jenny, you're getting lots of good advice. Unfortunately, there may not be anything you can do to make your mom feel better right now. This thing will just have to run its course. You might want to go to your local library and find a book called "Codependent No More". Reading it will help you and it may help you understand what your mother is going through. Oh, and in my opinion, tall is very beautiful. I'm only 5'4" and I'd love to be taller! Maybe you'll be the next Julia Roberts!

Hi Kataline. You're a real sweety. I appreciate your "warm" hello.

Here's a warm hello from me to all of you. Each of you makes me glad I'm a member of this family. You give caring advice from your hearts and there aren't many folks willing to do that.
Love, love,love,
Whit

Katalina, sorry I misspelled your name. I'm a poor typist.
Whit

I would love to be the next Julia Roberts.:)I like being tall, it's just that I get sick and tired of people saying things like, "Do you know that you are tall?" It's like, NO DUH! I think I realized that on my own. I'm in a better mood now. I'm watching Strictly Ballroom again. I'm losing count of how many times I've watched it. LOL. Well, I'm pretty tired so I think I better head to bed. Did I mention how amazing you guys are? I love coming on here because I feel so welcomed and I feel like I belong.

Warm Wishes,
Jenny

Dear Jenny,

Your mother's depression could be caused not only by her relationship with your father, but because of the onset of menopause. In any case, antidepressants and counseling could help, but sometimes people are unwilling to seek help right away.

Just tell your Mom that Grandma Millie is making this suggestion because of life's experiences and because she cares about you both!

I suspect that your Mom is the same age as one of my own daughters, and that is the advice I would give even without being asked!

Did you receive the posters?

Chin up, keep watching you-know-what!

Love,

Grandma Momma Mil

Jenny
codependent no more is an excellent book. You will suffer depression that cannot be tackled in any other way than with outside help if co-dependancy is an issue. You may want to obtain a copy read it and then ask your mom to read it. Also, someone here (please forgive me I cannot remember which of my pc friends told me) suggested I read a road less travelled. That is one bomb of a book. You will have insights into your life you never thought possible. Your mom should read it. It has so much to offer for those of us with any kind of issue. It gets a little religious at times which for me is a no no, but I take it for the intent in which he wrote it. Overall the book is an A+.
Your mom it appears needs to learn to separate herself from your dad. She's been living through him apparently (it sounds like) for many years. She needs to be herself. And when he is around, well then set another plate on the table...and tell him to make the salad. you get the drift??

all this said in utmost respect and love.

timbo

Goog morning Momma. Good morning Ev and Everyone. Paul you could be in bed right now so it's sweet dreeams of future success and current happiness for you little brother. You too Peter. Gosh, I'm with Jenny; you guys are amazing!

Great post Millie. I hadn't thought about the affects of menapause on a woman's mind. We have effective treatments for this and it could make all the difference in the world if Jenny's mom could benefit from them. A gal needs all the help she can get. Relationships can push anyone to the edge and it doesn't help to have your mind working against you.

Tim, I'll read the book you enjoyed so much. It really has had an affect on you. I did read one book recommended by someone on the Corner: "What Do You Care What Other People Think?" by Richard Feynman. He wrote in such a pure and innocent manner, as I imagine he also thought. It was mostly about his investigation of the first space shuttle disaster. The book was the second of two and I plan to read the other eventually.

Dog out! And remember: one day at a time everybody. We have enough concerns for today. Tomorrow will get here soon enough and I know we'll do our best to handle whatever comes our way.
Love,Whit

p.s. Jenny, you write so well! I wish my college kids could write even half as well as you.

Hi. I hope everyone had a great Easter. I will look for the books that have been suggested. My library doesn't carry all of them. They do have "The Road Less Traveled". I will get that one when it gets returned. I doubt that my mom is going through problems due to menopause. She has already been there. My mom would like to seperate herself from my dad, but she is afraid of what will happen to my brother and me. She also doesn't want to seperate now because she has been with him so long. My mom thinks that if she lasted this long, she will be able to last longer. She also doesn't see how she could live on her own. Thanks for the compliment Whitney!
"Did you receive the posters?"
~Grandma Momma Mil
If that comment was meant for me, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Jenny,
While I have never experienced the things you have to because of your height, my husband has. He is 6'7". He didn't play basketball in college, but if he has had enough of the question-He says that he played with the "Lakers". Our child will probably be about 6 feet. She is a runner. I live in a college town with lots of tall women who are proud of their height. Kind of awe-inspiring.
Your mom's depression sounds a little like a hormonal thing, but your insights into her relationship with your father may be the key. For a long tie, women and men bought into a fairy tale of marriage-Without realizing that there is work involved and commitment, and that the relationship changes all the time. We humans ebb and flow-have good days and bad.
We are getting ready for the phase where we are letting Grandpa go, and I Know that this will mean that the relationships with my husbands'sisters will change as the 3 children won't have their parents there as a focal point. It's a hard one. My sibs and I had to get to know each other again, when both of our parents were gone. My husband is thinking about going back to school and getting another degree. This will mean that I will work full time, and he and my daughter will do homework together. My daughter is getting ready for middle school and adolescence, and braces. I am getting ready for menopause-and I am excited about the changes that are going to be happening for the three of us.
Jenny, I think that you are a really neat young woman and far more mature than your age would make you think!
It was a slow weekend, we Only watched SB once.

Jenny, one thing that is very important to remember is that you are not responsible for your mom's mood. What I mean is, don't feel defeated if you aren't able to change it. Don't put too much emphasis on making it better because in the end that is up to her.
If she feels she has no options she needs to get help from someone who can offer a different perspective, someone who isn't intimately involved with your family. Sometimes when you get down or depressed you aren't able to see things clearly. Someone who can identify what type of depression she has can offer loads of helpful suggestions.
I have two sons, one who is your age and one who is all grown up and living in California. I went through a bad time a few years ago and got treatment for depression. Nothing either my boys or husband did would have made it better because I had a chemical imbalance. I truly appreciated their support, but it was up to me to get the help I needed. I want you to realize that you've done all you can do. You've been a great daughter, but you can't make it better by yourself, and you shouldn't blame yourself for anything. That is not your burden to carry.

Are you doing some fun things this week? Reading anything good or watching any cool movies? You deserve to take extra good care of yourself and do things that really make your heart sing.

One other thing; you should let your mom know that this is really worrying you. She may be so caught up in her own problems that she hasn't thought about how this is affecting you. It's really important to tell her how you feel so that she understands that her unhappiness isn't just about her. It sounds like the two of you are very close, I'm sure she'll want to hear what you have to say. I STILL talk to my older son almost every day. Those phone calls to California are worth every penny!

Hi to everyone else as well! Hope you're all having a wonderful day.

Michelle/Chicago

Hey Whitney! Ur a sweetie, too.
Love your 'dog outs.' I have to say cat-in
cuz my Sinbad is an indoor cat. He's pretty chatty with me...i must say. He greets me at the door when I come home from work. And begs me for wet cat food (he has plenty of dry cereal)immediately...He usually wins. *wink*
Our little creatures..our children. *smile*
My little furry man..what can i say? i am his human. He owns me. LOL Probably similar to how Worthy feels about you, yes?

Hi Jenny! I don't know for sure, but I wonder if maybe it could be the menopause thing....I was just hitting puberty when my mom was hitting menopause. YIKES! Needless to say, it wasn't easy. My aim for autonomy became quite the challenge at that time....LOL We're very close now. I think it's nice that you are considering her feelings and wanting to make things easier for her. What a caring and considerate daughter you are. I think trying to understand her (even if you cannot identify with her) is always a good thing. She will appreciate it I think.
You're a very kind person, Jenny. Hang in there, sweetie.

Music for the moment: strong woman uplifting song: Against The Wind, by Maire Brennan of Clannad from Putamaya's Women of the World Celtic (c) 1995.
I dedicate this song to you, Jenny.

Hugz,
Katalina

all this talk of watching SB has got me thinking of a nice relaxing evening with popcorn and SB too.
i start tango session 2 with different teachers (they were featured in Forever Tango!! which i have not seen yet), Tony Fan and Ilana (i want to say Rubinstein? or something like that), anyway, start that tomorrow night. This series is called Absolute Beginners Tango. Thank goodness!! I love Sonny, but he was moving a little fast for me. Plus i had to keep up with everyone else who had taken it before at least once. I was the only true beginner. I stuck with it, but the learning curve was greater.
So..I'm gonna try this new session with new teachers to check out teaching style difference, etc.

Hi to Inn and Evelyn and Tim and Paul, Peter and Sherrlyn and MaryEllen, Michelle/Chicago, Michelle/N.S. and everyone.

How's your Monday/Tuesday going thus far?

(hugz exponentially)
Kat

Hi Jenny,
Everyone has been giving you some great advice. I'm sort of in the same boat as you (17, over weight) and my whole life people have told me I'm an old soul. But a slip of advice. I've made the mistake of being old to young. If that makes sense. You need to be a kid. I take care of my mom also, even though my parents are some what happy in their marraige. She stopped working a while ago, and stresses out all the time about money. And everytime you comfort someone like your mother when you don't feel like it or even when you do, and it seems to not help them--this anger starts building. Or bitterness...because you can't make your mom happy or at least I can't make mine. Oh, I can clean the house for her and she'll be greatful, or go give her a hug when she's stressing. But in the end they must do that themselves. And if you forget about yourself you will start to get angry at your mom, so comfort her, but don't fotget you don't have to been a grown up yet.

Melinda

Good evening Millie and All!

More great advice for Jenny. Wise words from Melinda. It sounds like she knows what you're talking about. Wise words from everyone.

Well, I have more papers to read, so this must be brief. My love to everyone.
Whit

Hi Jenny,

I don't really have much to add to what has already been said. I do understand your feelings, frustrations and wanting to make your Mum feel better (I applaud you!!!) had similar feelings when my parents were in the middle of a big marriage crisis when I was your age, didn't like the feelings one bit, nor the tension and confusion that came with it. Don't forget about your own needs and taking care of your emotions and have some fun and kick your heels up a bit. Otherwise you will break and you shouldn't have to experience that. And one other piece of advice, don't do the same mistake I did for being teased mercilessly for being tall, though I'm not quite as tall as you, "only" 6 feet. I picked up a really bad posture to make myself shorter and it's really not worth the backpains and problems that I'm still recovering from. Being tall is cool!!! And I second (actually "third") Melinda's good advice.

Hi Katalina! I too appreciate your cheerfull greetings, winks and hugs. Sinbad and Freyja are definitely alike, esp. on the wet cat food thing ... she's definitely got me wrapped around her paw and I don't mind it one bit., Hi to you and hugs and winks (although I don't really think winks are my thing ...)

Tim, congratulations!!!! and darn it, go to England, I love the place, it's one of the three places I call home.

Whit, get the papers done and over with so you can have some fun! :-) Are you up to it?

Sherrilyn, have your recovered from tax season yet? It's probably still going on for you, right?

Mary Ellen, may the transition for your family not be too painful as you are preparing to let go of grandpa. You are in my thoughts.

Grandma, good advice for Jenny. Gave me lots to think about too. Thank you!

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are well.

Hi Evelyn: i jes don't know how else to convey
my wicked grinn. wink is the best i can do..it's better than *smirk*, which i also wear lotz...LOL
come up with a better one my dear, and i will use it! I'm certainly not winking to be a flirt! LOL tee hee

Oh, I'm listening to that gorgeous Brazilian CD again. Olalalalalala.
Every time it takes me away........mmmmmmm
I think a visit to Brazil is in order in the next few years, right after Australia, of course!!!!!

I've started a trip fund just in case....a need arises earlier than I would normally plan for..i.e. a special event, etc. LOL
One just never knows about these things...

Hi Momma Mil! I did a cycle ride in my little gym tonight and thoug