Paul's Corner

I can relate to what you describe above, Paul, and I don't know for myself how to get out of this either. The only thing I tell myself is to keep an open mind and keep fighting this system that is unappreciative of my skills and tells me to keep waiting and then squashes all hopes with feedback "We are very impressed with your skills, but sorry, you are not getting the job" It's difficult not to take that personally and it is exhausting, as you describe it yourself. Listen to your instincts and follow them. May calm, peace and serenity fill you and guide you through this phase!

hey paul
I thought you might like this quote.

STRENGTH-We never have more than we can bear. The present hour we are always able to endure. As our day, so is our strength. If the trials of many years were gathered into one, they would overwhelm us; therefore, in pity to our little stregnth, He sends first one, and then another, then removes both, and lays on a third, heavier, perhaps, than either; but all is so wisely measured to our strength that the bruised reed is never broken. We do not look at our trials in this continuous and successive view. Each one is sent to teach us something, and altogether they have a lesson which is beyond the power of any to teach alone. --H.E. Manning

you strike me as a strong person. hopefully answers will come sooner than later.

greg from nyc

Hi Paul,
I'm new on the board. I really like what you wrote and feel that I can relate to it.Being tired of doing the opposite of what you want, being what they want and not what I want. I think a lot of people feel that way. It makes me wonder: Are we selling out? Is selling out part of human experience, I mean everybody has to compromise sometimes and and that is of course not the same as selling out unless you overbalance (my English is not so good). But insincere intimicies is just the worst and then you can really feel the difference in quality.

Your post made me think of something I recently read that we have to accept life and ourselves, not blindly and uncritically but with a smile. Accept existence as it is, not because it is just or reasonable or satisfying but because it is all we've got.

Anyway, I think you express yourself really well.......AND I MEAN THAT.

Sara Maria

(((((hug))))) to Paul and all here in the PC.
When have we not identified with this kind of feeling!!

I can relate to it well also.
It's krappy feeling out of control of an outcome.
When u see the promise, the goal, the potential (right in your grasp)...and then it doesn't come together as we want it to - or at least in our timeframe.
It bites!

Can also understand the feeling of why can't i just be real with my feelings and why can't others accept that as I'm going through it? Why must we chin up or Get over it (right away)...in others' timeframes?...
Being real with feelings is a good thing in my book, so why are others uncomfortable when it gets negative or challenging? Why can't they sit with our pain?
Or trust that it is a passing thing, that we are strong and will overcome, but that we need comfort and encouragement in the Now....??!!

Anyway...I like what you wrote Paul. It's visceral. I can truly empathize here with those feelings (not the circumstances, but the core feelings).

Big hugz and comforting thoughts coming ur way...

Katalina

Welcome Sara Maria, I think you'll find a community of caring souls here.
Hey Kat, I didn't want to be nosy and ask about last weekend, and I won't ask specifically about that. Just concerned about your sniffles and such, and wondering if you are okay. I'm sending a HUGE beam of loving energy your way in hopes it will heal what ails you.
Paul, about that whirlpool, I'll be getting back to you later today on that deep topic.
Evelyn I'm so sorry you are having to wade through this shit. I'll beam you up some good energy as well. You can bank it or maybe deflect it onto those who would do you harm. When it hits them they will be reduced to little bugs that you can squish at will. Or maybe put them in a jar and toy with them a bit. Either way, it's an image you can work with.
I woke up in a really introspective mood this morning, so glad my friends here can relate.
Love to you all,
Michelle in Chicago

Michelle: thx sweetiez. Im ok. Lst weekend was wonderful. I met an amazzzzing friend and beautiful soul, and we had a terrific time. We plan on getting together again in summer for some mtn biking somewhere cool. Let me just say..that..for me, I think being open in mind and heart can be a good thing. If we do not take any risks, we will not move forward in life toward our goals. Overall this was a most positive experience and I'm glad I was open to it!!

enzzzzo: nothing was lost, friendship was found! Life is Beautiful (as always), even more so because u r in it. Thx for your friendship, bebe!
Save a salsa for me soon. Hugz. K

Katalina

Paul...Although I always am supportive of everyone (and derive a great deal of pleasure from the effort) and absolutely CLUELESS as to how to champion myself. I am never in the right place at the right time for the right reason. If you find a solution to your dilemma, please share it with me. Thanks. Linda

Paul, I'm currently feeling too tired to respond properly to your new thread. I think many of us know what you're talking about. Naturally, you should get away form these people with "cold smiles" and "deaf looks" if possible. I might possibly post a more thoughtful response if it seems warrented. Otherwise, I believe you successfuly thought your way through your dilema.

Good evening Grandma!!!
Love,
Whit

Paul, I thought about your post all day. It seems many of us are in places/times in our lives that can be a bit uncomfortable. I have something that a friend gave me last year. This one printed page has done more for me than most books. I refer to it often. Let me know what you think:

"Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments in my life, I'm hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.

Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. It carries me along at a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I'm in control of my life. I know most of the right questions and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I'm merrily (or not-so-merrily) swinging along, I look out ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty, and I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new trapeze has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart-of-hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on this present, well-known bar to move to the new one.

Each time it happens to me, I hope (no, I pray) that I won't have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moment in time I must hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar. Each time I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurtles across the void of unknowing I have always made it. Each time I am afraid that I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless chasm between the bars. But I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway because somehow, to keep hanging on to that old bar is no longer on the list of alternatives. And so for an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void of "the past is gone, the future is not yet here." It's called transition. I have come to believe that is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not the psuedo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get punched.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a "no-thing," a no-place between places. Sure, the old trapeze-bar was real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that's real too. But the void in between? That's just a scary, confusing, disorienting "no-where" that must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible. What a waste! I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are illusions we dream up to avoid the void, where the real change, the real growth occurs for us. Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, with all the pain and fear and feelings of being out of control that can (but not necessarily) accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.

And so, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang-out" in the transition between trapeze bars. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening, in the true sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly."

I know that was long, I hope someone gets something out of it. I can't attribute it to anyone as I have no idea who wrote it. It has made a big difference to me in how I look at my life and all the changes and possibilites that come with it.

Love you guys,
Michelle/Chicago

Paul,
What ever eventuates, whether it be you single handedly holding together the whirlpool, fending off perceived dire consequences, or relenting and letting other forces decide the shape of things, one thing will remain certain: You will still be you. All the qualities that serve to define who you are, will still be firmly intact. This cannot change. Some things we can alter, some we can influence, and with others we don't have a hope.
The outcome doesn't have to reflect our existence or our value.
Each of us remains ourselves irrespective.

Your friends expect nothing of you, other than you do what's right for you. That's why they are your friends. They respect you for who you are, not neccessarily what you can succeed at doing.

Others will have varying agendas.
We can't always play their game and win, but if we remain true to ourselves we are always winners.
At the end of the day there is nothing else.

Gotta work now.

Wihes of happiness for all.

Peter

Damn, what a post Paul. Now listen here young feller you aint old nuf to be tired. I can't help but relate mate. But you must know that there's only room for one Peachford inmate on this board and that's me so you have to keep moving in some direction.
Let me tell you about my past few days not to one up ya or anything..but you know just share the ambience of what some can define as hell. First off financially after we did our taxes and filed for free healthcare in the state of GA, we found out that our income was considered poverty level. Me a college graduate and once a very successful person. Ok so let's keep it positive and redirect press on right press on. Well we've been sued by a couple of creditors I had from my salon booth that I couldn't pay, they've filed judgements against me. Today I got notice that I have to fight my aunts estate in court in order to my share of her estate to pay off what I owed her. If I don't fight it, my uncles will be suing me for it. I've told that story before..something that should have been paid off with my mothers estate, but my dad got everything and wouldn't pay it off. So, my blood pressure is trying to stay low, I've been beating myself up on the treadmill for weeks, and really watching my food again and I have lost 0000000 pounds. Fuck that. I still weigh 240...I look like a fucking beached whale. I can't stand to look in a mirror there's this thing hanging on my chin..UGH. And the belly defies freakin gravity. How did this happen? Ahhhh...then my wife and religion. Well my kids are fairly engulfed in the belief system of my wife. And that would be likely since I was part of it for awhile myself. Now, my son comes crying to me the other night, that if I don't stop wearing an earring I'm going to die at this Armageddon and he'll never see me again. That the tattoo was BAD. That I'm BAD and God is not going to forgive me and he'll not have a father anymore. This was my 10 year old. Tonight, they had another church night and he and the 5 year old wanted to stay home. They normally don't, but I said I wasn't going b/c I went last night with them for a special event for them. God hell broke loose. My wife tells me in front of them that I KNOW what I should be doing. Which is blindly going to this church 24/7 and spending all available time doing only stuff they allow.
I'm breaking up inside here. I think that's part of the 240..my body fucking doesn't know what to do anymore. I dont' know what to do anymore.

It is a whirlpool my friend. The only people I can talk to about this is you guys. Sadly I don't live near any of you nor can I just come over for a coffee. B/c of the religious shit, Ihave no real personal friends here. conflicts of interests with my wife. That's why I'm on this board so often. I read what you're doing and it gives me something to say at work...Oh my friend Kat, Peter, Evelyn, Aunt Mil (now MommaMil) or Paul said xyz. I tell them I'm friends with the guy from SB and they just go DuH??? I shrug it off and say we all talk and share recipes and ups and downs. You guys are part of my life. My wifes family is so devoured by religion...all I get from them is "friendly counsel"..PASS and other than that I'm busy with the kids...oh my tap mates...ah they are great. Love them.

Ok so where were we? The whirlpool. You see my life is just one goddamn slam after another. And I truly don't know which end is up or where to turn. I love my kids dearly, but do I do better to just leave and see them when we can have some happy time together? The religion poses an irreconcilable difference with my wife. There is no us without it. I'm scared. I'm hurt. I'm bitter. My own family wants to sue me. That's why I wanted to check out so bad. But I LOVE MY KIDS. But I can't stand this anymore either.
I left out yet another...yesterday on the way home from a client. I'm going down a busy 4 laner and coming up to an intersection people are stopping I put on my brakes and voila..NONE. I pull the emergency brake and it throws me into a 360 about 3 times and I jump up onto the side walk...thank god I was in the outer lane. I finally get home...that car is in the shop this morning and my wifes car blows on us. Now are you guys on the floor lol yet? I mean how much shit can you handle in one fucking day?, week? month? I'm like a freakin shit magnet.

So in specific response to your post Paul. I know..seriously know how it feels to be out of control and feel like your being lied to or not getting your due. I know what I want too, but how I can I get it? I want my family to be a happy family of 6 w/o all the legalistic shit and to embrace life for what it is. I want to get away from here. Live somewhere near the water where I can take a walk like I did when I was kid growing up to free my mind. Nothing ever worked so well for me as a teenager as to take my dogs to the beach at night and just walk and walk and sit and look at the stars until I could think straight. That salt smell, the sound, and my faithful unconditional companions.

Well no one is alone in this world. Especially here in PC. Say what you feel. Thanks for listening.

Paul..I really think things will go up for you. You've got success in your blood. It's still there. And your family loves you right? I mean you say that all the time. That's powerful. Really...I don't have it.

peace mates

timbo

Paul...Here are a fourteen year old's thoughts on this. I think that everyone can relate to what you are feeling. At one time or another, we all feel like life is beating the crap out of us for no reason and it isn't fair. Well, life isn't fair. Life is a random series of events, some good, some bad. You just need to learn to keep some happiness while you are going through bad times. It's hard to keep your spirits high, but you have to. You can't pick that you want life to be good to you. That's not how you learn more about yourself. When you go through bad times, you can learn more about yourself and discover who you truly are. You need to deal with the cards that you are dealt. Life sucks for me a lot. I often feel that I don't see how I can make it through another day, but I manage to. I just keep on living. Be the person that you want to be, not the person that other people tell you or want you to be. Forget all of the other people. It's better to be yourself than to pretend to be someone that you aren't. Not to sound selfish, but make yourself come first. When you take care of your own problems, then you can take care of other people. Just never lose yourself by helping others before you help yourself. Life is a long journey, just take it one day at a time. Embrace each day and make the most out of the bad times. I hope this doesn't sound too cliche, but sometimes that's the best way to explain it.

Best Wishes,
Jenny

Paul, I'm back and still tired, but I reread your thread and I must confess that the sort of discomfort you describe is often what motivates me to let go and allow life to take me where it will. The sort of career you want requires a lot of sacrafice (from what I hear). Do you really want to go where this leads?

I have cable for a few months and I find myself watching the Entertainment channel; life stories of celebrities are so interesting. Most of these actors suffered at least as much or more than they celebrated. Success is certainly a mixed bag, but failure is the alternative. Or is there something else you want to do?????

Good night Mil. Thanks for keeping in touch with me.

I still haven't read anyone's post on this thread. They probably read much like mine. I'm always interested in what the lot of you say. You're a thinking crew.
Love,
Whit

Tim,
Crikey mate. What can anyone say?
I'm so very sorry to hear of your situation, but don't let all the crap blind you from seeing what could lie over the horizon. It's your choice to take the journey wherever you wish. You most definitely have that power and the freedom, even if it isn't immediately apparent.

I believe that anyone should be very cautious in giving you advice, except perhaps for this: "checking out" is most definitely NOT an option.
As I recall, Paul made a powerful suggestion a little while back. It was along the lines of this:
Stop enduring your unhappy current existence, and start a new one that will let you start LIVING.
(Paul, I hope I recall the intent correctly).
I can't say what changes are neccessary to make that happen, only you can determine that.
Tim, ask yourself: Say you started living your life for yourself, would it be worse than your current situation?
Would it possibly bring you greater happiness?
Would it facilitate an environment where you could take control and get on top of things?
Would it allow you to become stronger, more free, more complete, more YOU?
Would there genuinely be any major deficit due to any such changes?
And what's the worst that would happen?
You're kids may not agree with you, but at least they would have an opportunity to reflect on some exsitence other than the one being imposed upon them.
Only you can answer these questions, mate.
Be kind to yourself Tim. You're obviously a good, intelligent man with a kind heart and strong conscience. Be yourself, you will find the right answers.

Peter

Express yourself. Don't repress your feelings, but let them come out naturally without altering them.

Every step forward is progress. When you cling on to something, you make yourself emotionally dependant on it. You become a slave to your goals.

You don't have to prove yourself to anybody, including yourself. It's hard not knowing, especially for long periods of time. When you feel stuck, take time to bask in the silence within. It's easier to hear the answer when there is no noise to distract you.

"when do I get what I want, have I ever had what I wanted or merely enjoyed what I had?"

I'm sure you could think of many things that you can appreciate in your life. You have a wife and children that you love. You were in a wonderful film. You've had a successful career as a dancer.

"I know what I want, I just dont know how to get it, make it happen, surrender to its timetable, faith, trust, chin up, stay at it, cling on tight real tight dont succumb to the tired, to the whirl pool - hang on, do more than hang on - dare to dream, dare to believe"

Your intuition will provide the answers. Life is about discovery. "Making it happen" and "clinging on real tight" suggests that you are being to forceful in your pursuit of your goals. You can't achieve your goals by fighting your way toward them, but by working toward them gently.

Peter...
Wasn't trying to bore the board..just throw out my laundry for critique. I'm not checking out..at least not voluntarily. But I am considering some alternatives to my current existence. I know I've said that before, but big changes require BIGGER thought.

Whit you were so on, with your comments. You really do have to sit back and say "is this really what I want?"

JSlove..haven't noticed you at the corner before..but I haven't been here for a really long time either. Great insight. I like your comments and from me to you welcome.

Jenny you're too young to be so insightful. Go to your room. (just kidding) Oh honey..if I were your age again and would just listen to people like me and my parents and others 14 would be so much fun it would simply scare you. I was so traumatized by everything at 14. FAT, this..that..oh just such a crappy adolescence. So preoccupied with peer pressure. FORGET that NOISE. There was a lot I liked and should have just done it and the hell with everyone else then. Should have listened more intently to my mom a few times. But you teens..and you know I'm right you never think we "Oldies" know or were ever there. Trust me we were and it hasn't changed all that radically. There's still peer pressure for certain clothes, music, styles, sex, schools, drugs...it's all there. It was there when I was 14. You're a very smart person to just be able to converse at your level. Take your own advise on your bad days. Be you. Start working on that person that you are. Those people you hang with now and seem so so all important..you may or may not ever see them again after you graduate from high school. So don't worry about it.

Peter...I'll get there. Again it was just time to unload the dirty clothes basket.

Thanks for caring and the advice.

peace mates

Timbo

Ah Tim, what can I say... I know as I typed I am no where near that level of mayhem that you described and that possibly it will hit a nerve in my dear readers.

So your a shit magnet hey! I am glad we can have a giggle together over that title but the serious side of it is downright wrong. No one deserves that much shit!! You like me must continually ask why me, what is it I am to learn through this shit. Ask Tim, ask. And then listen to the answer and if you know it is in your heart to take this lesson and grow from it - do it.

You deserve to be happy. My wife and my family love me - I love me - do you love you, Tim? How much more shit are you going to take before you crack in the worst way for you.

I know you have been trying to make changes - keep on going man - you and only you can and will burst that bubble. Together lets keep our chins up (yeah yeah all six of em!!!:)

Dare to dream, dare to believe, dare to change

Hey Paul - and everyone,

Once again I thought I'd drop by and wow you guys have been busy. I think I'm the only person in the US who doesn't watch the news anymore. One of my friends was talking about some goofy minister of information guy and I was the only one at the table who had NO IDEA who she was talking about. *oh well* The "advertising campaign" for the *invasion* just can't sell me. I'm not buying it.

So I've kept myself busy busy busy... Things at the hospital have been insane too. What with the SARS paranioa, code Orange and all. *SIGH* I just finished a TV spec, and am almost done with a manuscript. Amazing how much writing one can get done when you shut yourself off from everything. I think having to pay even more taxes this past 4/15 really just killed me...

Good, Bad, I dunno... Just keep moving.

Anyways, I thought I'd drop in and see what was happeneing in this little corner of our universe. Thank you Paul and Cat for making it possible. :)

Take care everyone, and I do miss you all - I need to try to check back more often - and keep up!

Love,

Charlie

paul: thank you for posting what i feel sometimes. not that i am defeated (or you are either), but sometimes you just get tired of giving that 110% on a tuesday or you're tired of fighting a battle you thought you'd won already. it's exhausting being optimistic. much easier to throw in the towel and say, "oh well." but, giving in is not in our nature, though. so you keep on going, but you still need to say, dang, am i ever gonna get a reprieve? i need a breather, time to regroup. no rest for the weary...or determined.

completely off topic now -- several times i have read some of you say how nice it is to open up on bulletin boards, or, perhaps more specifically, this board. i envy that. because while i certainly do my best, and at least don't shy from it, i do find it harder to open up on boards than in real life because i find that intention can be misinterpreted in writing, and not knowing all of the person but this one part that they share on this particular board (they or i may share another part on a different board that taps a different need). i like talking on this board and am getting slightly more comfortable. however, those of you that are already, i admire. i have a friend who thinks i'm amazing (thus, why she's my friend ;)), but she finds it so funny that it takes me awhile to warm up to people while she is the type to trust immediately until someone gives her reason not to. neither approach is better in my opinion, but might explain my hesitancy on boards. any thoughts?

Texas, always happy to read from you - post as you will it is a place for you , me and others. I am honoured that you share as much as youd do!

Charlie glad to hear from you!

HI Guys, I am sitting here musing over your thoughts and realize that I have no profound ideas yet today. Tim, as you are taking inventory, I am sure that you are considering that there are things going on beyond your control, and that the things you must do-love your kids and wife, as well as be healthy are things within your sphere. And I don't need to preach anymore. Your story about your son breaks my heart, and I have some personal views about legalistic religions that I won't express here.
I have been dialoging with my husband and my boss about what you all are talking about. And the best I can figure is that sometimes things are hard and the reason is to learn from them. My boss is having a hard time with one of his kids, and he fails to see his ridgidness as being one of the contributing factors to her rebellion.
My husband has had to go suddenly to his father's to be sure that the nursing facility and hospital have Grandpa's last wishes on file. Grandpa has Alzheimer's and cancer. In the progression of these two things we can only be sure that he is comfortable, and nourished and loved. He hasn't known me or our daughter in several years. I never knew the vital man I see in slides from the 60's and 70's.
And I'm talking about me. Sorry. Tim, please keep communicating with peeps via this board-the outlet is good for you and as Mr. Paul says-keep your chin up. I have been trying to eat right and ride my beloved bike for weeks and haven't! So I guess I haven't been trying!
Paul, could you and your family move next door? Don't you want to come to ARKANSAS?
Gotta Jam, I'm making a dress, then must make my costume for the next play.

When I am at my limit and I can't stand the pressure of being a "shit magnet"(we all have those times don't we? I sure do!)I often think of a quote from the movie The Shawshank Redemption. "You either gotta get busy living or get busy dying". So far I've always chosen to get busy living though it was a tough choice sometimes. I wish this was a post with lots of good advice but the truth of it is we are all in the same situation some are on the crests of the rollercoaster and some are on the dips but we are all together on the ride so we can just cling to each other,do the best we can and try to find some fun and some love along the way. Fifteen minutes till work..gotta get busy living.
Peace, Inn.

Peace Inn: SR is one of my fave movies!!
Yes, we must get busy living....

Tim: i laffed at ur Smagnet label. Damm that's so true sometimes. i was dying when u described ur freeway adventure. oh gooooood. pobrecito..
c'mere..((((((hug))))))
things r gonna get better. one thing's for sure:
the only constant is change. all things are temporal. so even the bad times' days are numbered, okay?!! that is fact...truth. give it little time.
hey, BTW: i live near the salt air and nice beach!
I swear - that's why i moved out of the city. i needed a refuge, needed a real peace. i come home from a nasty day at work (many days...i can relate with Evelyn more than i can say), and come home over the hill - see those Olympic Mtns. the trees and breathe....I'm home....yaaaaaay. Breathe in, Breathe Out. Relief.
Maybe we just need to be responsible enough (to ourselves) to create those little places of refuge - of peace for ourselves whether it's a place to walk and think, or a group of loving supportive friends, or an activity/passion we love and adore that we can fully express our selves and feel like we're truly living or are completely alive in the moment....things like that...or even time out to sit, think, be...meditate...
Little moments of ambience...little refuges for the sanity and happiness of our soul. Moments to recharge so we can get out and tackle things again.

Good luck Tim bebe. U know we're all here for you. You are completely supported here at the PC, you know, and very much loved.
Hugs,

Katalina

OH MY GOSH! Never have I read such (no offense) crap! I just watched Joseph on cable...an awesome movie, by the way, and I decided to get online to find out just who this Paul guy was. What I found was a man with three beautiful daughters, something we have in common. I also found a man who didn't seem to appreciate life for what it was or what he could make it. If you are looking for answers, take a cue from "Joseph" and look to God. If you have problems with your life, perhaps you should give it to God. I don't mean to preach at you but come on! Everyone has crappy days...everyone is unhappy once in a while. I live in my inlaws basement for crying out loud! A two room hole in the ground made just for my husband, my three little girls and me! Yes! I get mad about it! Yes, I throw my fits, too! But, I know things will get better. I know I am special and I am here for a reason. I know you are special and you are here for a reason. Write something happy, it might make you feel better.
Oh, wow, I was reading more and this is really like a soap opera...For Tim...I have no advise but I will tell you this. I had a cousin that was a Baptist. I am baptised Catholic but I am really just a Christian. (I dont believe in man made rules in a church). This cousin was really into the whole church thing...he believed that women couldnt wear pants, that all other religions within Christianity were going to hell, he even believed that dancing was wrong. He never treated me badly but he did not associate himself with me either. We were the same age, graduated the same high school, together. He went off to college and suddenly something happened. He grew dreadlocks(SP?) and went off to follow PHISH. He eventually moved to Chicago and became a glass blower. He was great at it...and he was the cousin I had known before. He died April 7, 2003, at the age of 27. Because of the wedge that the "baptist religion" put between us, we never got to be close. Even though he no longer was the religious fanatic he was, he WAS forever changed. And I will never get to tell him how I loved him because now he is gone. I shouldnt have let that baptist crap stand in my way. It's not worth it in the end. All, we need to know is that God loves us and if we are Saved (accept Jesus Christ as our Savior) than we are going to Heaven. We dont need all these rules and regulations. I am new to this post so I dont know what you have said to your wife about your problems that you have but if she loves you and you can both come to an agreement on your beliefs that would be best for your relationship and your kids...I love my husband, and I dont want him to be "Left Behind" either, so I know how scared your kids must feel when they voice concern for you. I do it myself to my husband Paul. As for gaining weight. My husband was 170 when we started dating, 180 when we got married and is now about 300 pounds...some is muscle :) nonetheless, marriage makes you fat. That is my theory anyway. But I still love him. No person is perfect, so dont expect yourself to be. Just love yourself, love your family, and be there for them...

This is simply my opinion and I wanted to express it.

Christina: As a newcomer to this board, it seems to me that, you might have refrained from criticizing in such a tactless and personal way, both Paul (the reason for this board in the first place) and Tim, a longtime resident of this board. If that were directed at me, I would find that very rude, even hurtful, especially as u didn't even introduce yourself first, but jumped right into such judgmental and negative criticisms of two longtime members of this board. Also, we all try to keep a certain level of respect and offer tolerant, open minds about personal religious beliefs and don't go forcing religious opinions down one another's throats. It's ok I think to express an opinion, but ...to slap labels and condemnations upon those who do not agree with our own belief systems is simply underlining a narrow, intolerant and fearful mind. Is your faith so shaky that you cannot handle differences in thought or other religious ideas, but feel you must "convert" everyone else to your belief system? This is the one major issue I have against organized Religion. That there is only ONE way to God or to Truth.

Also, it's very brave to open up and share personal life and troubles and ideas (not just religious ones) online, so I had a hard time understanding how you could dare to do such a thing as even slightly attack these two people in such a way, without taking the time to become a member of this little community first, become known yourself, and understand the context and history or frame of reference first.

I would advise you to be careful, respectful and to be more tolerant than you have shown, Christina, as there are many different peoples on this board who come from a variety of backgrounds, cultures, countries and belief systems - and yet all of us have come together in unity over a common interest of our admiration for Paul (whom you criticized here). And we have since found many things in common together.

Respectfully,

Katalina (aka: "guard kat")

Tim, so sorry to hear of your struggle, but you will make it! You sound pretty sure that things on the religion front won't change, that kind of intolerance must be really frustrating. I hope you can create your own peace, build your own foundation based on who you are and who you want to be. It's out there waiting for you!

On a lighter note, why not turn something crappy into something good? I'm thinking a pooper scooper service called Shit Magnet would be a real winner! Of course the sign would read S*#T MAGNET. Hey, I've got two Golden Retrievers who are prolific poopers, and I really hate that job. Just a thought, hoping to bring a smile to your face.

Kat, I did see the joke with the two chocolate bunnies. That was a cute one. Hope you're feeling better.

Inn I love Shawshank Redemption. I watched Tim Robbins speaking at the National Press Club on C-Span a few days ago. He spoke powerfully about our dwindling civil liberties in the U.S. The fact that anyone speaking in opposition to the administration is being labeled anti-American and unpatriotic (the accusers having wrapped themselves in the flag). Let's make sure the Iraqi people are liberated and free to dissent, but don't expect this country to follow suit. Such hypocrisy we live with!

Love to the Corner,
Michelle/Chicago

Hey Michelle: hee hee...bunnies..yummm I'm gonna give my nephew some real competition in our Easter Egg hunt this Sunday.LOL Make him WORK for it!! Hahhahaha (put the pressure on, the speed. *grinn*)

I like your idea of a pooper scooper svs. (S@#t Magnet) I like it. Did you know the going rate for that service here is about $20/hour? For real!!! But, I think it's worth it. blech. Yik bleh. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Everyone have a super day today.

Hope i wasn't too...well...too "guardkitty" here earlier. couldn't help it. i protect those i love. my nurturing side. *grinn*

Hugz,
Kat

I enjoyed your post Inn. I agree; we all seem to be on the same ride. It's fun sharing this trip with you.

mary ellen, I'm sending you my energy of love as you help your husband through this difficult time.

texas, I know it doesn't show now, but I was initially a very shy person. I've overcome this behavior and I often initiate conversations with strangers and do other extroverted things (like flying to FL to meet Mil). I eventually developed a paradigm for socializing. I give people my respect immediately; it's the loss of it they have to earn.

Tim, I'm reading these posts backwards so I may make a comment to you again in this post. I'm finding that not knowing exactly what I want is the thing that's really holding me back. I think I know how I could do this Fine Art thing, but is it what I want? Does it serve a worthwhile purpose? Most of all, do I really enjoy it? Until I answer these questions I can't go full steam ahead even if I know how to do so. Oh, and that was good advice to Jenny.

This is sort of like watching a movie in reverse, but I thing Peter's post to Tim is excellent whatever the current situation.

I like your approach JSlove. Gentle persistence works in many situations ;)

Great post Jenny. You're a Philosopher Princess. Many times, for me it's just impossible to "keep" the happiness in every situation. In my case, it's a problem with brain chemistry, but I suspect it's also partly due to some urge to cling to circumstances, even unpleasant ones. Better the devil you now than the devil you don't, eh? Don't worry. I'll be leaving my comfort zone soon.

Ok, I just read your description of your current existence Tim. Peter's right, we have to be careful about throwing out advice. I must say it pains me to read of your suffering. I would recommend you continue to work toward your screewriting goal if you really want that. Until you sell a script or two, it wouldn't be necessary to move to CA, if ever. And on the relationship front, don't get me wrong, I'm about equality for all, but aren't women subservient to their husbands in her belief system? This legalistic philosophy can give you a handle on this situation. Work the system that's being imposed on you. You're the king of your own kingdom. Take back your throne! I know. Easy for me to say. I love ya Tim. Chose any alternative but the permanent one, but do something before you give yourself an ulcer.

I'm at april 18th and it's another insightful post from Peter. He's right Paul. We have no expectations for your behavior. We do want you to be happy and live a fulfilling life. I want that for everyone on the planet!

Michelle/Chicago I enjoyed the words you shared. I got a fortune cookie which read something like "You can't see the other shore until you get in the boat and leave the shore you're on." I guess that was a another way of communicating that important concept of transition.

Poor Linda. Some believe we are always in the "right place". Of course this is only evident in hindsight.

Katalina, glad to hear you had a good experience with your enzzzo. Mountain biking sounds like a fun thing to do with a friend.

Sara Maria, welcome! You're right. There are certain aspects of life we must accept. You express yourself well. I hope you continue to post.

Greg, I'm a subscriber to the bruised reed concept too. Unfortunately, I see times when people don't learn the lessons of previous burdens and buckle under subsequent ones.

Evelyn, please send me some of that calm, peace and serenity too. I hope you have a good weekend. You earned one.

Momma Mil! Good afternoon to you. I hope you're doing well. Maybe you should email Tim on the topic of body transformation. It sounds like he needs a pep talk from Momma!

Paul, you're a rich man when it comes to the friends you've made on this board. Everyone seems to speak from their hearts and we love you whether you be a computer salesman or a superstar. Fight like hell for what you want, but make sure it's what you really want because you're going to get it if you just press on.

It's getting nice out. We're having "shorts" weather! I'll visit the Corner again soon.
Love,
Whit

my station for the day to bounce into the day:
C89 FM, Seattle, WA (KNHC)
boom boom boom boom, chickah, chickah, chickah,
boom boom boom boom!!

LOL

techno beats to ya'all today.

Luvzies,
Katalina

Hey Whitney! Thanks for reading that, I know it was long, but I really just wanted to share that with someone. Have a great weekend with your pup, does he play frisbee?

Kat, you said everything perfectly. Thanks for standing up for the Corner.

Christina, what can I say, maybe it's not such a great idea to make an entrance by calling what someone wrote from their heart "crap". Don't get me wrong, we talk about shit here a lot, but we don't ever use it to describe one another's beliefs or feelings. We truly try to listen and support each other, even when our beliefs might be different than our friends. It is a nurturing kind of community, and it works for us.

Later,
Michelle/Chicago

TO ALL OF YOU ON THIS BOARD: In no way did I mean to offend you. I sincerely apologize if I have done so. Nor, would I try to convert any one of you. I do not even know you. It just seems to me that most of you are all so sad and it is just not what I expected to read on a board like this. As for Tim, please forgive me if you were upset by what I wrote. I "thought" I was showing you that I understood. Not bringing you down.
I thought these boards were about opinions and individuals. Writing in was a whim...and I am over it now. Katalina, I respect your being brave enough to tell me how you feel. Thanks.

thx Christina...
We just really admire these two fellas a lot.
i didn't think their stuff was crap or too soap opera-like at all.
I was just a little surprised at what u wrote.
but of course we can express our opinions..LOL
Katalina

Katalina and All, Crap was the wrong word. I say it often in everyday life and didnt think anything of typing it in. I would never want to hurt anyones feelings by using it or any other form of slang.

Christina: I'm not sad and I don't feel like my life is pathetic. Well, occasionally I do. Everyone feels that way at one time or another. I come onto this board to discuss life. This board gives me so much good advice. I can't talk so openly about life and its difficulties with my friends from school. They wouldn't understand what I feel. This place is a refuge where I can get away from my friends and their ideas and I can talk about whatever I want.

On the other hand...Spring break starts today! I lost my soccer game yesterday 2-1, but it was a lot of fun. Well, my mom keeps telling me to get ready to go out to eat, so I have to go. Bye.

Dear Chickies in my Pen,

I just read this and want to share it with you all

In the summer of 1940 when London was being bombarded night and day by the Nazi bombers, Winston Churchill, England's prime minister, wrote that he took great comfort from an old German proverb: "The trees do not grow to the sky."

That means that problems do not go on forever..even problems that seem to go forever, do
not continue on forever.

It is true that there are a few problems that one can do little about. Fine. But THE VAST MAJORITY OF DRAGONS CAN BE SLAIN..."the trees do not grow to the sky".

Ellie and I took care of our dragons years ago.

Now we have the luxury of looking back at the past with a little regret here and there, but taking each day as it comes, living and loving and sometimes asking each other, "where DID those 50 years go??

Timbo: Whitney mentioned that I should talk to you about your frustration with your weight loss.

I have the same problem, but lately I am thinking that it is my medications that are impeding my weight loss...for instance, I looked up "Celebrex" on the Internet. I take it for arthritis pain. The side effects are many, but the one that caught my eye is "weight gain." Terrific! It's a Catch 22..I need it for the pain, but I need to lose weight also, which would help my arthritis! Kriky!!! (thanks, Peter!)

I would suggest you check with your doctor..just a thought from your Auntie Momma who loves and cares about you!

Have a lovely Easter, everyone, with peace and love!

Momma

Millie-so wise-the vast majority of dragons can be slain! That's a great philosophy! I had to watch SB today so that I would be in a better frame of mind for the next time I need to tilt at windmills. My husband's sister seems to think that I spend my time eating bon bons and reading novels, but as I am trying to express my concern for Grandpa and for her and my husband, she feels that I am way too intrusive. Sheeesh.
I work outside the home and do a bunch of other things like little theatre, and troop leader.

That sounded a little snippy, didn't it? As a lot of you know, if a spouse is concerned about something-chances are-the whole gang will feel it.

Egads, Maryellen, your sister-in-law sounds like a real dragonlady! (At my age, I can make comments and no one will dare dispute me!)

A woman who works outside the home, is a troop leader, and does Little Theatre, is allowed to eat bon bons and read novels in her "spare time" if she has any!

I think a goodly number of the wonderful people on this site also watch SB when they need a real lift..so soothing, so sweet, so beautiful...okay, Paul, face the music, it's true!!

Love,

Momma Mil

To all the good folk on this board:

Just one thing - HAPPY EASTER!!!

(and if you don't celebrate Easter, then have a great weekend).

Cheers,

Peter

Right back at ya Peter!

The Chicago Easter Bunny leaves pizza, beer, and a sausage/pepper combo for the really good kids!

Michelle

Hey Michelle: i'll pass up my choco bunny for your Easter treats any day!! Yummers!!!!!

heheheheh

Katalina

I have stumbled upon this website after spending a most peculiar weekend watching two of your movies. The story of Joseph came on and I felt compelled to watch it, even though religious epics are not my bag. Then, quite by accident and surprise I was flipping through the channels and came upon Stricly Ballroom. I have never seen you before, and I must say that I absolutely felt driven to write this to you. Number One: Why have you not been cast in the U.S. as the next Mel Gibson? Number Two: Patrick Swayze couldn't hold a candle to you, the hell with Dirty Dancing Number Three: Why are you not the next Calvin Klein model...you should be. If the folks in Hollywood think Heath Ledger is all that, they obviously have not paid attention. Perhaps I am way off base and you have no aspirations to be a film star. But as the average moviegoer, you bet I'd be first in line to see anything you star in. I hope this puts a little wind beneath your sails. I've never written anything like this to an actor before, I'm not a groupie weirdo. I just felt compelled for some reason to write this to you perhaps it's at a time when you need it. Who Knows. Good Luck

Michelle,

I'm with Kat, blow the chocolate, I'm coming to your house for an Easter feed!!!

PS I've been a really good kid.

Hi Melanie. Welcome to the board. I watched Strictly Ballroom again today. I can't say enough about this movie. It is so amazing.

I can't stand fish, but since it is Good Friday, I suffered through a fish sandwich. HAHA. It actually wasn't that bad. I'm in a great mood today. My parents got home safely from Kentucky around midnight yesterday. Thank God. My family is going to the Mall of America on Wednesday.

Tim: I'm not your ordinary teenager. I have great respect for my parents. I consider my mom to be my best friend. She provides so much and gives me a lot of love. I understand that everyone has gone through the same problems, but I slightly think they haven't. We live in a new day and age. Teenagers now aren't the same as they used to be. The world is faced by many more problems. Sometimes I think that my peers can be so ignorant. They think that life is all about partying and getting wasted. They think it is okay to follow no rules and do whatever they want. I believe that we were put on the world for a reason. I want to accomplish something while I am here. I am not yet sure what it is, but hopefully I will have a lot of time to figure it out. I want to leave a legacy so that people will remember me.

I will leave with one of my favorite quotes from my favorite TV show ED: "We can either be the person that everyone wants us to be or we can be the person we want to be."

Best wishes and love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Before I read Paul's post I had just gotten back from the mall and had been thinking I'm tired of not looking the way I want. I was actaully thinking the word "tired" and I see everyone else experiences that also (some form of wanting to give up and just get what you want instead of just fighting yourself.) I have been coming almost evey day to read what's new on the board, because I think it's just so cool how supporive everyone is. I don't ever post unless I feel my heart strings streching to my fingers and telling them to talk. Yesterday, I found myself in class, (creative writing) really getting angry at these two girls who were "normal" teens. I've never had the little group of friends, the clothes, the looks, the money, or that's how it feels sometimes. But I like to think that's really not all there is to happiness. Of course, maybe I'm just stupied and that is was makes eveyone happy??? The one thing that has ever helped me when I'm "tired" is to do something for me, alone. Maybe going for a walk (and thinking about fun things), or dancing in my room alone (I do that one a lot.) Doing something for youself is sort of like saying, here's a gift and I love you. It's like when your first in love you will do anything to keep the other person happy. But what do we ever really do for ourselves?
Sorry I wrote so much! And thank you everyone for being kind to each other, it's really cool. And it helps me!

Love,
Melinda

You're welcome to come Peter and Kat! What the heck, we'll really do it up right and throw in the traditional holiday dish that everyone here seems to make, lasagna. No matter what the holiday, people here seem to go for the pasta. Since I didn't grow up here, I haven't quite made that a tradition. Yet.

I don't think the Cubs are in town this weekend or we would definitely have to work a ballgame in to the festivities. Everyone has to experience Wrigley Field once in their life!

Michelle/Chicago

I'm with Melanie, Paul's much better looking than Patrick Swayze and a much better dancer as well.

Christina, we feel free to express sorrows here that we might hide somewhere else, but you'll read a lot of happiness on this board. We're just trying to figure out this thing called life and we stumble frequently. I agree that the word "crap" was an unfortunate choice. As much as I love English, when we use slang, we can often be misunderstood. When I found this board, I read the old posts to give me an idea of who was hanging out on Paul's Corner. Then I was able to decide whether or not to join in.

Michelle, can you send your Easter bunny my way?

Happy Easter to you too Peter and, if I haven't already done so, I wish the same to anyone else who observes this holiday.

Good night Grandma "Momma" Mil! Love you Sweetie!

Good night Ev and All.

Good day to Peter and Paul.

Love and Peace,
Whit

Happy Easter to all at PC.

Tim: Sorry that you are feeling in the crapper again. It just never seems to go away completely does it? A lot like working for an accountant that hates reviewing tax returns. It just never ends. When you think the worst is over, the spring storms come in with high winds, sand and my clean car gets a mud bath (April 15).

Paul: What can I say? You and the "Profession" you are striving for are destined to be at the mercy of those in control of the purse strings. I see no way around it, you just have to live thru it with the love and support you have at home and here on the Corner.

Katalina: You are a fiesty little kitty. I'm impressed. You took the words right out of my mouth. Tho I could relate to Christina's attitude toward the Baptist. I've had that same condescending behavior from them before. I still get it from the bosses kids from time to time. I just try to steer clear of them when they are at the office. Summer will be hell tho.

I made mention some time ago that I didn't think that the Islamic faction in Iraq would ever allow a democratic state to function there, tonight I saw protest from the Iraqi's that this was an Islamic revolt and that it should be a religious ruled country. I think it is time to pack up our picnic baskets and come home and let them build their Islamic state and see how long before another Saddam is in control. Sorry, my political speach for the week. My nephew is still in the Persian Gulf. Helicopter electronics technician and flying with the supplies into Kuwait City.

To everyone else, love and be loved by those close to you and those who visit PC.

Hugs all around,
Sherrlyn

My god at the number of comments. Thanks to everyone for coming to my rescue. Legalism is one thing I just cannot tolerate. Maybe some can, but hey it's not for me.
I so totally appreciate everyones kind words and encouragement. As always I appreciate a special note from Paul. That's unbelievably cool and I am trying to make things happen. I'll have some kind of good news soon. I'm betting on it.
Momma Mil..you are so on with the meds..that's my problem 3 of the ones I'm on (out of 5) have weight gain as a side affect. As in I can starve and run a marathon and from somewhere in my body new fat cells are generated. Sick. But if I quit taking the meds...then I'll end up in the nut house for sure.

Again...you guys are the best. Thanks for all the encouragement. And to the "crapper," you are entitled to your opinions and you didn't hurt me at all. I come here b/c these are my friends and they care about me and I care about them and we try to help people through problems and celebrate their triumphs. You've missed a lot of those. Some graduations, finishing a thesis, finishing a screenplay (mine),..You missed all of the hoopla on Momma Mil's stage production... She is one of the most incredible women I've met on this board (no offense anyone) but she's older than us, but damn she has more spirit than probably 6 of me. She is a great and grand inspiration. It's not all sad here. Paul has been going through a lot. An actors way of life is tough and requires some true gumption and he talks to us here. It's therapy for him and us.

Any way...Happy easter or whatever you do this weekend.

peace and love to everyone.

Thanks Paul and Peter and Kat

everyone...really you're incredible

Timbo

Christina, welcome to the board and thank you for sharing some of your crap with us! This is a place that we share, vent, crap on - an australian phrase that essentially means telling tall stories - and support each other. If some one posts and what they write makes me angry, sad happy or depressed I then gain the benefit of being moved and ask myself why am I moved, what has this person said to have hit a nerve in me and why am I moved to the emotion I am feeling. If I am lucky I can get down into this feeling and learn something about myself and then possibly share that with who ever wants to read my posts.

Life is very tough for me, for you, for all of us but dont confuse talking about this as the same thing as being sorry for ourselves. Communitcation is one of the greatest gifts we have and one that is poorly used and often confused.

As for marriage making you fat - I disagree.

Paul...very true. You can always take what is said and turn it into a learning experience, even if someone says something crappy. It is possible to learn something from whatever you are given.

It makes me feel better venting on this board. I can clear my head of all of my thoughts and questions that worry me. It is great to openly express something that I feel. I am never sorry for myself being alive. I never resent anything that happens in my life, I just learn from it.

Happy Easter and have a great weekend!
Jenny

You are so right Paul, if you think marriage makes you fat then you are not doing the right kind of exercise, if you get my drift.

Night, night to all, think I actually heard it thunder, didn't know we had storms moving in.

Back to the laundry and balancing the old check book and bank statement.

Hugs all around again. Love you guys more than you know.
Sherrlyn

Hmm...I can't seem to sleep. I have too much on my mind right now. A thousand thoughts are rushing through my head.

I figured out what my major fault is. I'm way too shy. Whenever someone talks to me, I have trouble looking at them in the eyes and giving them a direct response. I thought that I was getting better about opening up more to people, but it was obvious that I wasn't when I talked to the referee at my soccer game. He came and talked to me. I gave quick, yes and no answers. That is not going to help me at all. I can speak freely about whatever I feel to people that I know, but I need to learn to talk to those that are strangers. I always tell myself that I need to stop being shy and that I am going to talk more, but nothing works. I am not going to get anywhere in this world if I am shy. How do you guys overcome shyness?

~Jenny

Paul...Thanks for letting us post our collective "crap" here. Once it is out of the system, we move forward.

Big bunny hugs for Easter to all in the Corner!

Linda

Good comeback Paul. Communication is the key and marriage does NOT make one fat. Look at you!! I forgot to mention to Christina that above all else on this board we also talk about the happy things in your life. Hey you were just offered a part in The Full Monty. That was fantastic news. She just didn't read any previous threads or perhaps even posts...she must have seen the family picture though. Speaking of..you should post an updated one Paul. Your girls are older now.
And just to say something postive. I've been doing this mobile hair thing right? Well, I was working in a gated community yesterday where many of my clients live, and met up with some old clients I haven't seen. At one house, I had foils in Leslies hair and her neighbor came to the door...she was blown away that she was getting this done at home. She and a friend want their hair done next week. Good news right? Highlights and a cut $150 a head. $300 for one day next week. Driving through this neighborhood makes me start to feel envious but then I just enjoy the view it is incredible. Hilly with palatial homes set on very large lots with incredible landscaping. The people I know in this little community are all in their mid to late 30's and some as old as me 42 and up. It's the place for "luck magnets." : ) They have all truly found themselves at the right place at the right time. For the most part they are nice. My clients are genuine people and not affected too much by their "status." They easily could be the homes are from half million and up. One was a little nippy at me she was trying to be cute I think, but it was rude nonetheless. I just stopped by to say hi and she was all perky and then said "how did you get inthe neighborhood?"..You have to go through the security guard etc...Well I have to be a smartass when necessary so I told her well you know I just told him I lived here and forgot my pass and he figured I looked like all the rest of you so he let me in. She shouldn't get so "safe" behind those gates. Life does go on outside.

Well I'm going to send my screen play off this week to at least one agent and hopefully more... Paul in an archived post you suggested an agent to someonebefore...could you or would you suggest one for me? You said you had written something and they like the idea....????

And I'm working on obtaining a work permit for an internship in London. I'm waiting on my letters of recommendation to arrive. If all goes as planned I should be able to start it in the summer. It's a long way from my kids and family...but I think I need the separation to find out what I'm all about. I can't be an inspiration and father figure when I'm so fucked up all the time. And, I can send money back to the US and it will be worth more assuming the exchange rate stays the same as it is for awhile. So we'll see. It might be just the catalyst I need to get a move on. I'd come to Australia but I can't get any response down there to my inquiries. And my age almost prohibits me from being considered for anything.

Off to the salon for the day. The book is full unless someone cancels. See the smile on my face..

"I'm wearing my happy face today." now where have I heard that before?????? HMMMMMMMM

: )

peace and love and all good things to everybody

Timbo

Good morning Grandma and All.

Jenny, you sound like me when I was your age and older. I was so shy I couldn't eat in restaurants. When I was 13, I was part of an educational experiment where we could study anything we wanted. I signed up for a class and I was the only one who took it. It was taught by a male graduate student and I was so uncomfortable alone with him that I cried for no apparent reason. I was so embarrased! The next day I lied and told him I'd had a migrain. It doesn't get much worse.

These days they call that sort of shyness "Social Anxiety". Some people outgrow shyness and some drink alcohol to reduce it. You're at the age when I started using beer socially in order to feel cofortable in a group of people. I recommend that you not go that route. Wait until you're older if you want to try alcohol. Young beer drinkers do incredibly stupid things that they regret later, inevitably. Trust me.

If things don't get better soon and you find that shyness is affecting the quality of your life in a big way, talk to a mental health counselor. You may have one at school or you can look in the yellow pages under "psychologists" and find a center for mental health care in your area. Centers are cheaper than private counselors, so try to determine what sort of facility you've called. Do they accept payments on a sliding scale (based on your family's income) ? Of course, talk to your mom about this before you make an appointment.

Hopefully, you'll just outgrow this, but a psychologist can tell you whether you should try the medicines they now have to treat Social Anxiety. It would take a psychiatrist to prescribe a medicine, but you need to talk to a counselor first to determine that you need one.

I know that's a lot of info, but I think my teen age years could have gone better if I'd seen a counselor sooner. Don't worry; it doesn't mean you're crazy Jenny. And don't forget to mention your racing mind if you talk to a professional health care worker. I also recommend excercise as a way to decrease anxiety. Anyone else have any advice for Jenny?

Well, dog out!
Love,
Whit

jeese you people I turn my back for a moment and I have a week worth of reading. Anyway have a great weekend and I hope the Chicago easter bunny comes to my house!

Hi Inn, I'll send that bunny your way when he's made his rounds here. By the way, I watched Bob Roberts yesterday, have you seen it? Scathing satire of the ultra-right wingers. Great flick.

Jenny, my husband couldn't walk down the hallways at school without keeping his head down and he couldn't make eye contact either. He had a school counselor who pointed out to him that the majority of kids feel nervous about talking to each other, a lot of them get through it by faking it, but there are probably more kids than you think who feel just like you do. Adults as well. Mike (my husband) now works a job where he has to talk to people all day, and he is constantly meeting new clients. He even does some public speaking. His shyness was mostly a lack of confidence in himself which he worked on and was able to overcome.
You sound like a great young woman Jenny, and I'm sure you will overcome your shyness as well. You're going through big changes emotionally being a teenager, and those can make the ride a bit bumpy for a while. You seem to have a great family who support you and an outlook on life that many adults haven't achieved. Remember that school seems really important now, and it is a big chunk of your life SO FAR, but you will move on and probaly never see a majority of those kids. You will evolve and grow and move on to all that life has waiting for you, which is sure to be great, wonderful things!
You'll get there, no worries about that. Be gentle with yourself and remember that you've got a real family and a cyber family cheering you on. If you ever need help from us, we are great at sending our energy out in huge loving beams to wherever you are. We're here for you Jenny.

Love to all,
Michelle/Chicago

p.s. Have fun on Spring Break!!

You guys really have been busy…
Jenny, on being shy, first of all don’t look at it as being a fault. It is who you are right now and accept it as part of you rather than putting pressure on yourself for wanting to be someone else. Being less shy can be learned, but it takes time and don’t expect yourself to shake this off over night. I, too, used to be incredibly shy, not able to look into people’s eyes, feeling uncomfortable in some conversations. It’s totally okay to feel that way. For me overcoming my shyness was a question of focusing on my own strengths and talents and not to compare myself with others who seemed to be in, hip and do all the cool things that others wanted to do as well. For the most part, I found many of the hip kids to be very superficial … It took mini-steps, and developing a healthy self-esteem, accepting myself for who I am that enabled and continues to enable me to be less shy. But by the same token, I do listen to my instincts and sometimes, when I sense my shyness coming on, when I hold back or don’t want to be as open and personal, there is a reason for this too. It can function as a protective mechanism as well. But the process of overcoming shyness involves getting out of your comfort zone and that can be at times intensely unnerving, but also the place where you find inner strengths, that you didn’t know you had. Just as in the "story" that Michelle posted earlier in this thread about letting go of one trapeze to fly to the next one. Thank you Michelle for posting it. It is totally on for me right now, letting go of a trapeze and finding the next one & thank you for your beams of good energy. They are greatly appreciated!

Tim, I know this is a very late response, but here it goes anyway. Whenever you talk about your religious problems at home, it sends chills down my back and it makes me want to cry or actually cry and at the same time, it makes me so thankful that I took the chance to get out of my church, which while different from yours, does the same kind of things. As has been stated before, you have to decide for yourself how much you can take and how much longer, etc. The experience you have with your children, breaks my heart for you, but here’s a thought for you: reflecting back on my own experience, I asked myself what it was that gave me the courage to leave, to take a stance of opposition and to no longer unquestioningly participate in this religious practice, to believe that I deserved respect and love and not judgementalism, shunning, abuse—it was people who had integrity, who took a stance against this religious system and abuse, who by their living showed me alternatives and that I wasn’t alone with my questions. Taking that stance was painful and it hurts immensely to have people and family members whom you considered your friends turn against you, cut you out of their lives, but don’t ignore your own needs and beliefs. By becoming whole and being true to yourself, you will give your kids an incredible gift. They might not appreciate it now or ever, … be well and don’t forget to take care of yourself! No one has the right to treat another human being with that kind of disrespect, but it happens anyway. Believe me, lately I have had a lot of shit thrown at me as well and I’m well beyond my tolerance level of how much shit I can take, but it keeps coming and somehow I still keep going. Let’s keep slaying the dragons that keep coming our way, as Grandma, AKA Momma Mil, put it and if there is any truth in medieval legends, the dragon pretty much loses every time and is slain. If there is any way I can help you, let me know.

Thank you grandma for that perspective and insight. As you know, I feel pretty fenced in by all the abuse that has come my way lately, esp. at work, I’m tired of having to put a smile on my face, to stay calm and polite, keep my professional cool, when people yell and scream at me about things that aren’t my fault, blame me for it and tell me that I’m not being professional, take advantage of me and my boss who won’t do anything to stop this abuse, who quite easily could, who tells me "It’s only another 6 weeks" and expects me to keep picking up the slack from my co-worker … I’m going to slay these dragons. One good thing I’m going to take away from this experience is that I have more inner strengths than I knew I had and that I’ve also gotten a lot better at controlling my temper—I used to explode just as badly as these people have done it to me. Change really does begin with oneself and for me, I have to keep learning to respectfully say no when faced with abusive behaviors …

Whitney, here is some peace, serenity and calm for you. I do disagree with your suggestion to Tim, though, that he play the power game with his wife that is perpetuated in so many fundamentalist religions/churches. Wouldn’t he fall subject to the same behavior that he is justifiably criticizing and suffering from? What good would that do, him, his wife, family and his entire conflict?

If I were to attempt to respond to all thoughts expressed her that have triggered new thoughts in me, I’d be typing for a very long time and this has gotten way too long as is. Thus I just want to wish everyone a very HAPPY EASTER (Michelle, I’m coming to your feast, it sounds great …) or a wonderful weekend. Peace, love and happiness to all of you and thank you for being such supportive, caring, nurturing people—you are special beyond words to me!!!

Love & hugs to all,
Evelyn

Dear Jenny,

Now, if you were my granddaughter (and I have many adopted ones on this site) I would suggest the cure for shyness...Show Biz! (Right Paul and Tim?)

Yes, once upon a time in dinosaur times, (well, maybe not that far back) I was very shy and slightly introverted, but when I got up front of the class to give a report, etc., I felt like a star!!

I joined the dramatic dept. of the high school, (and found I was a real comedienne), joined the orchestra and chorus, and was part of a group of terrific friends who I still write to (50 years later.)

In retirement my husband and I have met many people and in my line of "work" (show biz) and we are having a ball! SHY NO MORE is my motto!! (Right, Whit?)

Yes, as Michelle said, it could be lack of confidence, which can be overcome, for you have the right stuff...you are a lovely young lady, I can tell, you have a wonderful Mom and Dad, and now you have another family right here on PC that cares about you!

Timbo, I am so happy for you...you are indeed a man with a plan, and you are moving ahead! I am amazed how quickly your Mobile Hairdressing idea took hold..so what, if you have to go into those fancy neigborhoods..if they've got the bucks, you will benefit! Sock it to 'em!

Going to England sounds like the right thing to do. You will be furthering your career, and a change of perspective cannot hurt..your family will manage, and appreciate you when you get back!

BTW, Timbo, I am on a modified Atkins diet starting today. I spoke to the pharmacist, and asked him about Celebrex impeding my weight loss.

He agreed that it is associated with water weight and edema. He suggested I ask my doctor to change to something else.

Whit, I was in the gym this morning at 7:00 a.m. I exercised on the recumbant bike 20 minutes, then
10 minutes on that thingy for my arms, and another
6 minutes with 3 lb. weights..it seems to be getting easier, but then, I picked up two 5 lb. weights and almost got a hernia!

Gotta go before I get into trouble!

Love you all, have a lovely Easter.

Momma

I have never been considered shy, but I really am rather reticent about approaching new people. I was a band/drama kid in high school and never had the money to buy the clothes that the really popular kids had. Therefore, I learned to sew. I had really cool things that no one else had. For all you 70's folk-I was the one in the jeans, flannel shirts and sandals at the back of the classroom. Not a bad place to be-I was in the top 1/4 th of the class. I have taught students that were so shy that I worked really hard to get them to look up,
and my reward was sometimes a shy smile. Jenny, your playing soccer is a good thing, the other athletes are usually pretty friendly and supportive. My daughter is now on the local AAU track team-She gives it a lot of heart! She's also going to drama camp! Theatre experience is great for developing your self concept- I have said and done things on stage that I would never do in real life. And....everyone gets nervous! My character in this next thing is a mute until the last act and I am supposed to have an "ingenue voice" not a barroom voice. It's driving my husband nuts. I'm workng really hard on it. And I will accept any advice for raising the timbre of my voice, thank you!

Happy Easter everyone.

I find myself feeling rather reclusive these days. Sorry for not sharing. I read everyone's posts and am moved, concerned, joyful and sometimes saddened by them.

Just wanted to stop "lurking" in the shadows for a moment to let you know I'm still hear, still reading, still caring, and still very interested.

Peace and Love

still here... *blush*

Thank you so much to all. I never expected to get such amazing responses.

Momma Mil...I really want to be an actress to help escape shyness. I have never been in a school play, but I've had the experience of acting for small groups. I feel that when I act, I can open up because I am a completely different person. I am not supposed to act like myself. My mother has told me that many actors are shy and that is why they became actors. I would love to be in some kind of production, but I just need to work up the courage to audition.

Why am I shy? I think it is because I don't have confidence in myself. Sometimes I lack confidence due to looks, sometimes due to other things. I am 6'4". I stand out of a crowd of highschoolers. People don't understand that when they comment on my height, it hurts. I want to feel like I fit in. If I wasn't so tall, I would be so much more confident. I feel that I have not found my true talent yet. I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't do anything extraordinary. If something bad happens, I tend to blame myself. If the other soccer team scores a goal, I feel that it is all my fault because I am the goalkeeper. In fact, it is not all my fault. The other people on my team are also to blame because they let the ball get down to me. I just can't seem to get that into my head. I think I am shy because I feel out of place in this world. I don't think that I act like normal teenagers. I have different interests. When other teenagers listen to singers like Eminem, I'm listening to Mario Frangoulis, Michael Buble, or Josh Groban. I am accepted for who I am at my school except for my choice of music. People can not understand why I like that kind of music. My answer: It just feels like part of who I am. I don't mind if my peers will not accept the differences. If everyone in this world was the same, it would be torture. We need variety to make this world what it is.

Now that I have vented, I will feel better for a while.:)You don't realize how much I love this board. It revitalizes me. Thank you everyone on this board for making my day better.

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Dear Jenny,

You are indeed a special young lady, but we here on PC knew that before you mentioned that you were also tall...do you realize how many people wish they could be tall??

You only have to stand tall, be proud, and I'll bet you are stunning!

Here are some gorgeous tall women: Gena Davis, Brooke Shields, Nicole Kidman, Gwynth Paltrow,
Vannessa Redgrave. Sure, they are all actresses, but they found their nitch, and I'll bet when they were your age they too had doubts, but "baby, look at them now!"

In the fashion industry, many successful models are 6' tall. In business, in the arts, in education, in medicine, in sports, women of all sizes excel because of their ability, not because of their size!

You are special to us because of who you are, and I suspect that everyone on PC considers you a beautiful person, inside and out!

Love,

Grandma Momma Mil

Hi Jenny. It's a good thing that school is only a temporary condition. I felt out of place as well, not only because I liked different music, and Shakespeare..not to mention my name. When I was a senior there was this boy who was particularly popular and he was petrified to leave school because he knew he would be a little fish in a big pond. I always thought, I'm glad I never fit in because when I get out into the world I'm going to have so much fun swimming in that big pond, I'm not afraid. I'm still having fun. I have what most people would consider a menial job and a lot of my family's friends look down on me because I don't live in a brand new palace in the newly developed part of town. I like my life, I don't spend 90 hours at work every week I prefer to live in an older home and spend more time with my family. So, I guess in a way I'm still not fitting in but I'm having a hell of a good time! You'll make it, just hang on.
Michelle, I've never seen Bob Roberts but I will look out for it. I've always wanted to visit Chicago, you should PM me sometime and tell me all about your town.
Peace, Inn

Jenny there is lots of good advice here for you. I think drama is a great way of doing something that makes you come out of yourself. Just to let you know every one I know gets nervous before auditions - me included -it seems crazy that after all this time doing movies and interviews and things we still get nervous!!! Also I was a boy doing ballet - I dont think you can get to different than that. I had lots of problems and hassels from other kids because I flew in the face of what was considered normal. I got through it - no secret to it I just got through it because it is who I am and look how it turned out. What would have happened if I had succumbed to normal view stopped doing dance and theatre and played football like all the other kids and then became a chiropractor like my dad and my uncle???

Life may have been grand but I wouldnt be the me I am today and we might not be sharing this time. Being different is special, being yourself and allowing you to discover more of who you are is one of the miracles of living - a great gift. Thereby you are a great gift to this world - Shine on Jenny!!

Innussiq: That's called LIVING!!! Being able to stay afloat and enjoy your family.
I rant about my procrastinating boss, but I'm not working this weekend, Why? Because he didn't get the work I finished Friday proofed so I could finish.
Am I working at home, Nope! Did the laundry last night and this morning. Put a brisket on to cook for tomorrow and fixed hamburgers for supper. Now it is me and the cat to see what we can get into tonight as the DH is at work til 7 a.m.
If I go in to watch TV I'll go to sleep.
I probably need to go to sleep but it is way too early.
Nothing special for tomorrow. If Home Depot is open we may go prowl for paint color for the outside of the house.
Jenny: 6'4"! When folks comment about your height, tell them you are the official net changer for the basketball and soccer teams and that the weather is fine. If I were 6'4" I wouldn't need to lose weight, I would be just about right(not really) but at 5'4" I too am in the same boat as a few others here. Stand Tall, shoulders back, head up, there's nothing wrong with you. Go get 'em girl.
Tim: Good luck on the internship in Europe. Sounds like the mobile hair salon is doing well for you. Great come back on the "How did YOU get in" some folks just need to be taken down a notch.
Hope all of you have a great weekend.
Hugs all around,
Sherrlyn

Jenny sorry the late response, but I have 2 things to say about "that."
1. I was shy as a teenager. I was the fat kid. People made fun of me etc. . . starting in my freshman year. I was also selected friendliest in my senior class. I broke out of the shyness. I was still fat. I still didn't fit in perfectly. In my junior year I had to get a family friend from South Carolina to go to my prom with me. She was 3 years older than me. a hoot huh? But I found what I was good at. I was smart. So I could fit in there. I was in the drama club. I acted in the plays. It was wonderful. I love the stage. It is a vehicle that you can use to "let go."

2. Do exactly what you feel. Do NOT hold back. You are a special person, you have talents, let them show. Just think in the back of your head...you'll probably never see these people again in 10 years...or maybe never...

I just had a revelation today. The things that are going on so rampant in my head are problems from my youth. I was so held back by my dad and his religion that I wasn't allowed to do a lot of things or say things or participate in things as a teenager, so now I'm acting it all out. That's what's going on. I wanted to do hair..I'm doing it. I wanted long hair..so I grew mine out...I've cut it off thought..I colored it. If I was told I couldn't do something at this point in my life unless it is a morally wrong issue I'll try it. Why not? This is a big thing for me..it just came to me today while I was working..All these things I'm doing are just the adolescent Tim finally getting to say and speak forhimself..then maybe I can combine that with what I have experienced and become a more stable and emotionally balanced mature man without all this heavy laundry from my past. I'm psyched.

Happy Easter everybody.

Timbo

Dear Paul,
I am currently a freshman theatre student at Antioch College in Yellow Springs, OH. Your words about emotional, physical and spiritual fatigue resonate strongly with me. Like yourself, I regularly grapple with the fear that the profession that I love will not return its love to me. The current political situation also heightens an artist's (or, in my case, an aspiring artist's)feeling of powerlessness.
How do we reconcile the strength of our love for life and work with the strength of the hopelessness that is sometimes born of it? We are both lucky, I think, in that we have nurturing nuclear families. Optimism is still hard to find sometimes. What is your advice to a determined, though perhaps doomed and irrelevent, arts major?
Thank you for your thoughts,
Jill Summerville
P.S. The short term solution to creative frustration would be for me to write a work that you can star in. Interested? :)

Jill, firstly do not start from a doomed point of view nor one of irrelevence!! See first what it is you have to offer and then know that in offering it you will change people - you will add something to their lives and to yours also. Dare to dream, dare to believe, dare to act.

Write something whether it be for me or not. I love to write, it is truth, it is substance, it is real, it cannot be disputed for it stands tall in ink right in front of me - whether it be right or wrong it is what I am! I would be happy for you to write for me but even happier for you to write for you!

Timbo, fanfuckingtastic!!!! What a marvelous revelation! Well done! Youve climbed a mountain got to the top had a good look around and realised where you are. What you do with it is another story but you at least know part of this moments journey. Well done and good luck with the next leg - I am proud of you!

Tim, when you have a revelation do you write about it? I have found writing about them brings even MORE revelations. I'm talking about pure stream-of-consciousness writing. I was amazed to find myself screaming, crying and laughing on paper. By allowing myself to flow with the emotions the revelation brings forth, all sorts of memories and new emotions make themselves apparent.

Also, I think it's a good thing to have a personal record to refer back to when you're going through a tough time. Bringing forth these revelations can be a little like childbirth, the pain subsides after a while leaving you only the good memories, which is a good thing, but it is also a good thing to remember how you were a strong enough person to overcome that challenge, face it and move on. Maybe someday you'll need that reference to help you in getting past a new hurdle.

Writing in this way is a wonderful release. Brain drain I guess. Just writing for you.

Love to all,
Michelle/Chicago

p.s. Inn, I'll write soon!

Hi everyone. I hope you are all having a great Easter. Thank you guys for your comments. They are helping a lot. I really think that I should try getting involved in drama.

I'm trying to have a great Easter, but my mom is kind of messing it up. She won't stop crying. I am not exactly sure why. I know that it is partially my dad's fault because he puts everything before family. I offered to do whatever I could to help my mother feel better, but she refused. How am I supposed to make her happy when she won't give me a chance? Right now I'm writing her a poem. Maybe that will help.:/ I sure hope so because it is so hard to see my mother sad. When she is sad, it makes me sad because I feel that she is so much a part of who I am. I tried to make my mom not my base, like Tim said in an earlier post, but it is not an easy thing to do. She contributes greatly to my life. She seems so sad right now that she could do something stupid, if you know what I mean. Does anyone have suggestions of what I could do to improve her mood? Thanks.

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Thanks Michelle...great idea. I have been keeping ajournal since my hospital visit. It's been very enlightening.

Jenny...I hope you don't think I meant remove yourself from your mom. I'll explain that later. For now, your mom is sad, b/c your dad has his priorities in a completely different place than hers. You are her friend. You know what she likes. What is that? A great bath? Run one for her. Surprise her with a fresh baked muffin and coffee or her favorite glass of wine. And tell her you're there for her just likes she's always there for you. And that you love her and give her a big hug. And do the silent things. Maybe make a special effort to pickup around the house more, not implying any uncleanness here, but you know just make a few EXTRA steps. Clean out her car. Send her a card/give her a card. Flowers.
I used to send my mom flowers all the time. I knew she never got them from my dad. And she loved them.
As for the base. I mean by that, not to let your mothers conscience/be yours. Develop your own, they may be quite similar, but make it YOURS. Try to be your own person not an extension of your mom. You don't have to sever ties by any means whatsoever. Think of it like elephant ears (the plant) you know them? These bulbs will have shoot offs. They mature and they can stay attached and start sending off their own branches, but they are well established on their own. However, they can be severed from the original plant and still survive. Am I making any sense here? I hope so..Learn everything you can from your mom just BE you.

I think you are a very special teenager and I enjoy reading your posts and hope that something said on this board by me or others helps you become as incredible as you can be.

Thanks Paul..I thought it was pretty fanfuckingtastic myself. It's like things in my head are coming together. I'm kind of developing a plan as I mentioned earlier. And I hope to get this script out this week. If you know of an agent that is good with firsttimers down there please let me know.

Have a great day everybody.

Timbo

Hi Tim. Yes, you are making sense. About the part of what I can do to make her feel better, I tried to do that kind of stuff earlier today. It doesn't help. Whenever I get the chance, I do little extra things that might help her. She just takes blame out on me for trying to help her. I bet that didn't make sense. I don't know how else to explain it. I think that my mom would be a lot better off if my dad wasn't around. You may ask why. Well, to be honest, he is a complete jerk. You would know if you read my poems about him. He represents everything that I don't want to be. My mom, on the other hand, means the world to me. Do you guys have any advice that I could give my mom to make her feel better? I need to do something quick because it is hurting me just as much as it hurts her.

P.S. I understood that you didn't tell me to remove myself from my mom.

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Jenny: I'm still working on overcoming shyness at times, and I'm in my 30s. I don't feel it's a self esteem issue for me, but rather just opening up slowly to people. I'm more comfortable in small groups or one-on-one. Although it's not comfortable I do challenge myself to confront this in many ways, through public speaking, mingling, trying new activities, etc. In my younger days, sports, drama and music aided me in confidence building. And today, I still challenge myself in similar ways. I don't find it a fault unless it stops one from growing and becoming more open and comfortable. As long as we're moving forward and improving in these areas, I think these things can lessen with time and practice. For me, even tho I'm very affectionate and totally myself with friends and those who put me at ease, I am still somewhat reserved in new situations or with new people. But that does go away in time. :)
I love that you're 6'4!!! You are special and unique. One day you will be able to really play up this asset I think. I think you're a wonderful young lady. I hope you keep your thoughts coming. It's great that you're here and sharing. Love and hugz, Kat

Tim: you sound great!! Glad you're feeling better!!! Keep that smile on :) :) :)

Hi Peter, Inn, Whit, Paul, Linda, Momma, Michelles, Christina, and everyone here at PC. Hope all had a wonderful weekend.

Warmly,
Katalina

Wow! you guys have really been posting. Good evening Momma. I made it home from Charleston.

Tim congratulations. I think you've got a real handle on the situation. I hope you're successful in rebuilding these areas of your life. Sorting out what's going on in your secret mind is the key to moving on with your development.

Jenny, you're getting lots of good advice. Unfortunately, there may not be anything you can do to make your mom feel better right now. This thing will just have to run its course. You might want to go to your local library and find a book called "Codependent No More". Reading it will help you and it may help you understand what your mother is going through. Oh, and in my opinion, tall is very beautiful. I'm only 5'4" and I'd love to be taller! Maybe you'll be the next Julia Roberts!

Hi Kataline. You're a real sweety. I appreciate your "warm" hello.

Here's a warm hello from me to all of you. Each of you makes me glad I'm a member of this family. You give caring advice from your hearts and there aren't many folks willing to do that.
Love, love,love,
Whit

Katalina, sorry I misspelled your name. I'm a poor typist.
Whit

I would love to be the next Julia Roberts.:)I like being tall, it's just that I get sick and tired of people saying things like, "Do you know that you are tall?" It's like, NO DUH! I think I realized that on my own. I'm in a better mood now. I'm watching Strictly Ballroom again. I'm losing count of how many times I've watched it. LOL. Well, I'm pretty tired so I think I better head to bed. Did I mention how amazing you guys are? I love coming on here because I feel so welcomed and I feel like I belong.

Warm Wishes,
Jenny

Dear Jenny,

Your mother's depression could be caused not only by her relationship with your father, but because of the onset of menopause. In any case, antidepressants and counseling could help, but sometimes people are unwilling to seek help right away.

Just tell your Mom that Grandma Millie is making this suggestion because of life's experiences and because she cares about you both!

I suspect that your Mom is the same age as one of my own daughters, and that is the advice I would give even without being asked!

Did you receive the posters?

Chin up, keep watching you-know-what!

Love,

Grandma Momma Mil

Jenny
codependent no more is an excellent book. You will suffer depression that cannot be tackled in any other way than with outside help if co-dependancy is an issue. You may want to obtain a copy read it and then ask your mom to read it. Also, someone here (please forgive me I cannot remember which of my pc friends told me) suggested I read a road less travelled. That is one bomb of a book. You will have insights into your life you never thought possible. Your mom should read it. It has so much to offer for those of us with any kind of issue. It gets a little religious at times which for me is a no no, but I take it for the intent in which he wrote it. Overall the book is an A+.
Your mom it appears needs to learn to separate herself from your dad. She's been living through him apparently (it sounds like) for many years. She needs to be herself. And when he is around, well then set another plate on the table...and tell him to make the salad. you get the drift??

all this said in utmost respect and love.

timbo

Goog morning Momma. Good morning Ev and Everyone. Paul you could be in bed right now so it's sweet dreeams of future success and current happiness for you little brother. You too Peter. Gosh, I'm with Jenny; you guys are amazing!

Great post Millie. I hadn't thought about the affects of menapause on a woman's mind. We have effective treatments for this and it could make all the difference in the world if Jenny's mom could benefit from them. A gal needs all the help she can get. Relationships can push anyone to the edge and it doesn't help to have your mind working against you.

Tim, I'll read the book you enjoyed so much. It really has had an affect on you. I did read one book recommended by someone on the Corner: "What Do You Care What Other People Think?" by Richard Feynman. He wrote in such a pure and innocent manner, as I imagine he also thought. It was mostly about his investigation of the first space shuttle disaster. The book was the second of two and I plan to read the other eventually.

Dog out! And remember: one day at a time everybody. We have enough concerns for today. Tomorrow will get here soon enough and I know we'll do our best to handle whatever comes our way.
Love,Whit

p.s. Jenny, you write so well! I wish my college kids could write even half as well as you.

Hi. I hope everyone had a great Easter. I will look for the books that have been suggested. My library doesn't carry all of them. They do have "The Road Less Traveled". I will get that one when it gets returned. I doubt that my mom is going through problems due to menopause. She has already been there. My mom would like to seperate herself from my dad, but she is afraid of what will happen to my brother and me. She also doesn't want to seperate now because she has been with him so long. My mom thinks that if she lasted this long, she will be able to last longer. She also doesn't see how she could live on her own. Thanks for the compliment Whitney!
"Did you receive the posters?"
~Grandma Momma Mil
If that comment was meant for me, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Jenny,
While I have never experienced the things you have to because of your height, my husband has. He is 6'7". He didn't play basketball in college, but if he has had enough of the question-He says that he played with the "Lakers". Our child will probably be about 6 feet. She is a runner. I live in a college town with lots of tall women who are proud of their height. Kind of awe-inspiring.
Your mom's depression sounds a little like a hormonal thing, but your insights into her relationship with your father may be the key. For a long tie, women and men bought into a fairy tale of marriage-Without realizing that there is work involved and commitment, and that the relationship changes all the time. We humans ebb and flow-have good days and bad.
We are getting ready for the phase where we are letting Grandpa go, and I Know that this will mean that the relationships with my husbands'sisters will change as the 3 children won't have their parents there as a focal point. It's a hard one. My sibs and I had to get to know each other again, when both of our parents were gone. My husband is thinking about going back to school and getting another degree. This will mean that I will work full time, and he and my daughter will do homework together. My daughter is getting ready for middle school and adolescence, and braces. I am getting ready for menopause-and I am excited about the changes that are going to be happening for the three of us.
Jenny, I think that you are a really neat young woman and far more mature than your age would make you think!
It was a slow weekend, we Only watched SB once.

Jenny, one thing that is very important to remember is that you are not responsible for your mom's mood. What I mean is, don't feel defeated if you aren't able to change it. Don't put too much emphasis on making it better because in the end that is up to her.
If she feels she has no options she needs to get help from someone who can offer a different perspective, someone who isn't intimately involved with your family. Sometimes when you get down or depressed you aren't able to see things clearly. Someone who can identify what type of depression she has can offer loads of helpful suggestions.
I have two sons, one who is your age and one who is all grown up and living in California. I went through a bad time a few years ago and got treatment for depression. Nothing either my boys or husband did would have made it better because I had a chemical imbalance. I truly appreciated their support, but it was up to me to get the help I needed. I want you to realize that you've done all you can do. You've been a great daughter, but you can't make it better by yourself, and you shouldn't blame yourself for anything. That is not your burden to carry.

Are you doing some fun things this week? Reading anything good or watching any cool movies? You deserve to take extra good care of yourself and do things that really make your heart sing.

One other thing; you should let your mom know that this is really worrying you. She may be so caught up in her own problems that she hasn't thought about how this is affecting you. It's really important to tell her how you feel so that she understands that her unhappiness isn't just about her. It sounds like the two of you are very close, I'm sure she'll want to hear what you have to say. I STILL talk to my older son almost every day. Those phone calls to California are worth every penny!

Hi to everyone else as well! Hope you're all having a wonderful day.

Michelle/Chicago

Hey Whitney! Ur a sweetie, too.
Love your 'dog outs.' I have to say cat-in
cuz my Sinbad is an indoor cat. He's pretty chatty with me...i must say. He greets me at the door when I come home from work. And begs me for wet cat food (he has plenty of dry cereal)immediately...He usually wins. *wink*
Our little creatures..our children. *smile*
My little furry man..what can i say? i am his human. He owns me. LOL Probably similar to how Worthy feels about you, yes?

Hi Jenny! I don't know for sure, but I wonder if maybe it could be the menopause thing....I was just hitting puberty when my mom was hitting menopause. YIKES! Needless to say, it wasn't easy. My aim for autonomy became quite the challenge at that time....LOL We're very close now. I think it's nice that you are considering her feelings and wanting to make things easier for her. What a caring and considerate daughter you are. I think trying to understand her (even if you cannot identify with her) is always a good thing. She will appreciate it I think.
You're a very kind person, Jenny. Hang in there, sweetie.

Music for the moment: strong woman uplifting song: Against The Wind, by Maire Brennan of Clannad from Putamaya's Women of the World Celtic (c) 1995.
I dedicate this song to you, Jenny.

Hugz,
Katalina

all this talk of watching SB has got me thinking of a nice relaxing evening with popcorn and SB too.
i start tango session 2 with different teachers (they were featured in Forever Tango!! which i have not seen yet), Tony Fan and Ilana (i want to say Rubinstein? or something like that), anyway, start that tomorrow night. This series is called Absolute Beginners Tango. Thank goodness!! I love Sonny, but he was moving a little fast for me. Plus i had to keep up with everyone else who had taken it before at least once. I was the only true beginner. I stuck with it, but the learning curve was greater.
So..I'm gonna try this new session with new teachers to check out teaching style difference, etc.

Hi to Inn and Evelyn and Tim and Paul, Peter and Sherrlyn and MaryEllen, Michelle/Chicago, Michelle/N.S. and everyone.

How's your Monday/Tuesday going thus far?

(hugz exponentially)
Kat

Hi Jenny,
Everyone has been giving you some great advice. I'm sort of in the same boat as you (17, over weight) and my whole life people have told me I'm an old soul. But a slip of advice. I've made the mistake of being old to young. If that makes sense. You need to be a kid. I take care of my mom also, even though my parents are some what happy in their marraige. She stopped working a while ago, and stresses out all the time about money. And everytime you comfort someone like your mother when you don't feel like it or even when you do, and it seems to not help them--this anger starts building. Or bitterness...because you can't make your mom happy or at least I can't make mine. Oh, I can clean the house for her and she'll be greatful, or go give her a hug when she's stressing. But in the end they must do that themselves. And if you forget about yourself you will start to get angry at your mom, so comfort her, but don't fotget you don't have to been a grown up yet.

Melinda

Good evening Millie and All!

More great advice for Jenny. Wise words from Melinda. It sounds like she knows what you're talking about. Wise words from everyone.

Well, I have more papers to read, so this must be brief. My love to everyone.
Whit

Hi Jenny,

I don't really have much to add to what has already been said. I do understand your feelings, frustrations and wanting to make your Mum feel better (I applaud you!!!) had similar feelings when my parents were in the middle of a big marriage crisis when I was your age, didn't like the feelings one bit, nor the tension and confusion that came with it. Don't forget about your own needs and taking care of your emotions and have some fun and kick your heels up a bit. Otherwise you will break and you shouldn't have to experience that. And one other piece of advice, don't do the same mistake I did for being teased mercilessly for being tall, though I'm not quite as tall as you, "only" 6 feet. I picked up a really bad posture to make myself shorter and it's really not worth the backpains and problems that I'm still recovering from. Being tall is cool!!! And I second (actually "third") Melinda's good advice.

Hi Katalina! I too appreciate your cheerfull greetings, winks and hugs. Sinbad and Freyja are definitely alike, esp. on the wet cat food thing ... she's definitely got me wrapped around her paw and I don't mind it one bit., Hi to you and hugs and winks (although I don't really think winks are my thing ...)

Tim, congratulations!!!! and darn it, go to England, I love the place, it's one of the three places I call home.

Whit, get the papers done and over with so you can have some fun! :-) Are you up to it?

Sherrilyn, have your recovered from tax season yet? It's probably still going on for you, right?

Mary Ellen, may the transition for your family not be too painful as you are preparing to let go of grandpa. You are in my thoughts.

Grandma, good advice for Jenny. Gave me lots to think about too. Thank you!

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are well.

Hi Evelyn: i jes don't know how else to convey
my wicked grinn. wink is the best i can do..it's better than *smirk*, which i also wear lotz...LOL
come up with a better one my dear, and i will use it! I'm certainly not winking to be a flirt! LOL tee hee

Oh, I'm listening to that gorgeous Brazilian CD again. Olalalalalala.
Every time it takes me away........mmmmmmm
I think a visit to Brazil is in order in the next few years, right after Australia, of course!!!!!

I've started a trip fund just in case....a need arises earlier than I would normally plan for..i.e. a special event, etc. LOL
One just never knows about these things...

Hi Momma Mil! I did a cycle ride in my little gym tonight and thought of you! I did Forest Ride at level 8 for 25 minutes. Killed me! Hee hee. But it's a good hurt! LOL

Hugz to all
Beijos, (kisses in Portuguese)
Katalina

Paul,
What exactly do you really want? What is truly frustrating you? Can you control it or is it out of your control? Sorry to sound like a psychologist just trying to understand your post.
Chloe

I’ve been so busy over the past week that I’ve only had time to read a bit here and there. I want to respond to everyone, but time is tight.

Paul, I’m beyond tired, especially with my current employers. I’m seriously considering going into business for myself because I’m getting to the point where I’m distressed by the lack of service and integrity I’m seeing. I’ve never had a great drive toward retail and I don’t know if I can pull it off. What I do know is that I am uniquely situated due to my prior work and life experience to tackle this. Maybe that is what your current situation is leading you toward. It’s not at all an easy assessment, but we do reach the point where we have to own what we know.

Evelyn, I feel for you in your struggle with academicians. It’s the same as with the business sector or politicians. People get ensconced and they see them selves as self-appointed gods. You have my deepest sympathies, along with a hearty pat on the back and my most sincere wishes for your success and happiness.

Tim, I agree with Peter’s advise. My first impulse is to ask you what you want your children to believe about life and their purpose. Evelyn said it best when she said that being true to yourself and whole is a great gift to your children.

Texas, I’m always slow to warm up to people. This site was no different. Some people are just more cautious than others and some more sensitive. Maybe your friend who trusts people until she’s burnt by them isn’t easily offended or hurt or maybe she feels people out on a more superficial level first.

Christina, you did come on a bit strong. I’m glad you were willing to look at your approach and reconsider. I think you mentioned something about the “Left Behind” book series. I haven’t read them, but Tim LeHay (co-author of the series) and his wife Beverly are ultraconservative religious folks who promote “wise use” legislation which basically endorses destruction of the environment if it serves the short-term needs of industry. I’m more aligned with Tim Robbins. (Loved Shawshank Redemption and Bob Roberts.)

Jenny, I’ve always been shy, too. I agree with Millie, Innussiq and the others in their responses. I’ve gradually become less shy through acting, political activism, and so on. Another good way of opening up is to focus on the other person with the idea of learning more about them. Otherwise, we tend to fixate on ourselves — how we’re speaking, standing, fidgeting, etc. and we don’t really interact. BTW, at 5’1.5”, I’m probably the shortest person on this site. Forget the dimwits who feel compelled to state the obvious. In fact, prepare a funny retort. Also, Whitney’s reading recommendation was right on. Help your mom as you’re able, but don’t assume responsibility for her happiness. She’s got to get there on her own. Melinda’s got it right.

So sorry about your Grandpa, Mary Ellen. It hurts to say goodbye. I’m sending you ((((hugs)))).

Finally, I like the Christopher Guest films: Waiting for Guffman and Best in Show and I’m looking forward to seeing his latest — A Mighty Wind.

My love to you all!

Diane

Good Morning, Whit, Everyone!

Hey, there, Paul, when you wake up on Wednesday morning, April 23rd, it will be Tara Morice's 39th birthday! Yup, she was born in Tasmania in 1964. Apparently, she too had problems relating to her peers when she was a kid..her family moved so many times, and she was shy...but not for long!

She said she knew exactly how "Fran" felt, but she made it, with determination and talent, and we all know how it all turned out!

Ellie and I think she is one of Australia's finest actresses, and in SB it didn't hurt her at all to be your partner, Paul. She was absolutely radiant...who wouldn't be, dancing and emoting with you? You'd bring out the best in anyone, including great-grandmas! Do you ever hear from her?

Katalina, I'll be thinking of you too, when I get on that recumbant bike this a.m. in the ladies' gym. You should see some of those ladies that come early in the morning..a lot of them are much older than I am, but they work all the machines, do the treadmill, and most of them are thin!! (I suspect, however, that they were always thin!)

Mary Ellen, thinking of you, hugs also...

Jenny, I sent you some of my SB artwork, but obviously, you did not receive it. Maybe I did not use the correct email address.

Have a good day, eveyone. I'm off to the gym to slave...

Love,

GrandMomma Mil

Paul-

This is my first visit to your website. As a newbie, I first would like to say that I have really enjoyed you work. I just saw Joseph on TV again and I came looking on the internet to see what you were up to. You were so amazing as Joseph and I am glad to read that you are at least getting a chance to perform on stage. I think showbiz has got to be the toughtest profession to be in. Movies especially have become more about money than art and skill. I love movies, always have, but think that the way movie companies are run - that they don't give a lot of good actors a chance. So much money is tied up in productions now that they don't want to take a chance on someone who doesn't have a big "star" name. So you get the same old thing over and over and good actors get passed on. But I could rant about that for days so moving on...

I think it is amazing that you take the time to share your thoughts and feelings with your friends here. Not many people would do that.

I hope you continue to act and dance and pursue your entertainment career. It is always easier to make a living doing something you love instead of making money doing what you hate. Everyone can attest to that. I am a graphic designer that has put my career on hold to raise my kids. I love being a Mom but I also get great self-gratification when I do a freelance project here and there. I think all artists (actors and dancers included) need to have that creative outlet to feel useful and complete.

So hang in there and do what your best at!
I think your wonderful

Susan

Thanks for all the virtual hugs! My husband rolled in at about 1:30 our time, and I talked with him for a while. Aside from the long drive, he's doing quite well. Isn't it amazing what support we feel on this board? I'm pretty candid with you all, especially was last week when I was frustrated with my sister in law.
Last night, at rehearsal, my director told me that she wanted me to "Scamper" and scamper "daintily", not an east feat in hiking shoes, so it's character shoes tonight!

Momma Mil, I forgot to tell you what happened when we went to see Mamma Mia!. We had excellent seats (2nd row center) which made it possible to see everyone on stage really well. Well, they started singing a song that was a more sedate duet between the lead female character and one of the lead men. Now, I have to preface this by saying I totally appreciate the effort and talent it takes to do a musical, specifically the need to really enunciate each word and project one's voice out to the audience. So...these two start singing and when it's his turn he turns and starts raining spit everywhere. I mean major saliva spill. He was singing with great passion but it was lost on me as I saw people in the first row putting their hands up to avoid the incoming shower. This man was a good singer and actor as well as easy on the eyes, and he didn't do this during any other scene he was in. I felt badly for him, but the show must go on. I can't hear that song (Knowing Me, Knowing You) without remembering him.
Hey Diane, I saw A Mighty Wind last week. I really liked it. I loved Waiting for Guffman and Best in Show as well. If you've seen the first two, half the fun is spotting the actors who were in them and seeing what character they turn up as in this one.
Hello to all my Corner friends. I should go cook something. I need some inspiration people! What have all of you been cooking lately?

Love from the Windy City (which refers to politician's hot air, not atmospheric breezes.)

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

One question, (forgetting the saliva shower for a moment)...how did "Dancing Queen" come over??

Whenever I hear that song, I think of Tara and Paul doing the paso doble!

Have a good evening everyone...Whit, dog out, dog in, it's almost time for bed!

Love,

Grandmamma Mil

Dianne, I am with you! It is slowly killing me being here. There is no spirit, no creativity - just deals, retail deciet and not enough money to actually live on. I'm going backward and for what? If I was creatively engaged I would be fulfilled in a whole different way and at least go backwards happily?!?!?

As you said you are uniquely qualified and thereby spiritually conneceted to what business you could own and lead. I am the same with my Brew Cafe. The question is how to go out and get it done. The belief, the coniction, the quality is all in place it is the retail structure yet to get up and going. I believe in you and although it is still retail it is backed by your integrity and honesty. Go for it!

Own what we Know? Own what we are.

Welcome and thank you for your comments Susan.

Paul
If you're dying mate...I'm already dead.
But I'm not, so there.
You guys I'm really making some progress here. I'm addressing issues daily that need to be done. I'm taking stands I don't nbormally take. I'm tring to keep it as unconfrontational as possible. I'm going to get my script out by Friday. Hay Paul..I'm really nervous here ...you sure you can't pop a name for me? Otherwise I'm just poking my hand down the roster in LA and going "voila." No matter what it's going.
I got all of my work permit information together. I'm waiting on two of my references, one of which I confirmed today (it's on its way) and the other I'll get by Saturday. Then everything will be fedexed to London.

You know the whole separation thing could be good. It'll definitely let me explore those things I need to and get them out of my system. I am too blocked in here and am becoming a bad influence for my family...so I think this is the route. It'll hurt a little (a lot) but at the same time no pain no gain. Hopefully I'll get over there in June.

Later mates.

love and peace to everyone.

Timbo

Paul...There are a number of us in the Corner, yourself included, that seem to be stuck in some kind of a time warp. We all know where we want to go but just can't get on the yellow brick road to get there. I know life is the journey and not the destination but it be lovely to arrive somewhere if only for little while!

I spent an hour and a half stuck in an elevator all my myself at work on Saturday. Other than the fact that I found out that I am not claustrophobic, I had no epiphanies! You would think something would reveal itself.

What is a girl to do?

Linda

Linda, dig deeper :)What is going on in the universe that we collectively seem up against a wall. I feel like you traped in the elevator. You can do nought but sit and wait until the doors open - at a time of their own choosing - whilst you sit you can wonder about what you can do to get out, what you will do when you get out and why the hell have you been the person picked to sit in the lift for as long as it chooses to remain stuck. In short NO CONTROL stuck with fate on level forty eight! It seems to me the journey begins when the doors finally open - I'm suffocating in the lift, when the doors open I'm going to bolt.

Tim, you dont sound like some one thats dead, you sound like your living - on the edge perhaps - but living. The London thing sounds very exciting and the fact that you will be on an adventure by yourself should be a very healthy experience for you and thereby your family. No expectations - go and grow!!

Paul I know how you feel. I'm fading in West Virginia. I'm going to have to relocate. I just hope I find a place where my art will be encouraged and find some friends who I can enjoy being around. Next fall I'm only scheduled to teach one class and I just can't make it this way. It'll be food stamps again if I don't leave soon.

Good morning Mil. I loves ya and Ellie too.

Linda don't give up. You have winner written all over you as do Tim, Paul, Evelyn, Mil and every other person on this Corner. I'm sending succes vibes to everyone.
Dog out!
Love,
Whit

Hi Paul, Hi everyone!
I've been reading this board for the last year now but have never felt confident enough to join in. I admire the fact that you're all so good with words and at expressing your feelings which, basically, I'm not, as you can probably tell! I recently became unemployed for the first time in 30 years, apart from my 4 year break when I had my son, so seeing how I've got plenty of time on my hands I thought I'd give it a go! I've only ever worked for 3 companies but whenever I left a job I always had another one to go to but this is the first time I've become one of the great 'unwashed' as we call it in England (on the dole/social security) and it's not a good feeling. The company I worked for went into liquidation. I've been at home 3 weeks, which isn't a long time, but I'm bored to death already! There's only so much housework you can do! My son, Chris, is off school at the moment coz of the easter hols so he occupies some of my time. He's 15 now and has Aspergers (related to autism) but he's doing great. He goes to a normal high school with a special needs unit but he's doing so well that he's in main stream classes for all his subjects now, top sets for Maths & Science ! He won an award last year for outstanding achievement in maths. We're so proud of him. We learn so much from him and I feel so guilty when I moan about my own 'insignificant' problems. For the past 15 years my life has revolved around him (as it should, he's my child)and so it will continue to do so, but now I feel ready for a new challenge in life. I've spent my working life behind a desk and I want something different, but I don't know what else I can do. I've been in a rut for so long that I've lost confidence in myself. We practically have no social life and all I seem to be is a wife and mother.
Any thoughts/ideas how I can get out of this?

Luv Jean - UK

Welcome to the Corner Jean! Don't sell yourself short, you write very well. I don't look so much at how someone writes as much as I try to feel what they are saying.
I have a son named Chris as well. He is 14 and his big interest is music.
So you're stuck in a place you don't like? That seems to be a theme around here right now. I'm not so sure getting out of where you are is the answer. Maybe the lesson for us is to use being stuck WHERE we are to find out WHO we are.
I think you are typical of lots of women who, having given so much of themselves to their roles of wife and mother somehow lost a true sense of themselves along the way. Could you use some of your down time to do a little reading and maybe writing to start you on a journey of rediscovering yourself? Quiet time or meditation might be helpful as well. Maybe you'll be able to uncover what you feel truly passionate about.

If you need someone to listen, we're pretty good at that. Above all, be gentle with yourself. I find that doing things that make me feel more connected to the universe can be very centering. Maybe just going to a park and sitting under a tree would help, talking to a stranger who looks as if they could use a kind word, or connecting with us!

Jean, I'm so glad you finally wrote. I think you will find many caring souls here who are a lot like you.

Momma Mil, Dancing Queen is sung by the lead female Donna and her two friends that were once in a pop group with her. The scene is a bedroom with them using brushes and hairdryers as their microphones. I thought they did it justice. The whole company sings it again during the encore.

Love to you my friends,

Michelle/Chicago

Dear Jean,

Welcome to Paul's Corner, and who said you could not express yourself? It's a pleasure to learn a bit about you and the triumph of your son. You are indeed blessed in many ways!

I would respectfully suggest that you try volunteering until you find a paying position.

There are many organizations that would jump to get such a caring person as you. You could work with seniors, or with children in school as a classroom volunteer.

My husband and I live in a large senior community, and many retirees work in hospitals,
behind the registration desk, helping with the tranport of patients within the hospital, working with children, delivering mail to the rooms, etc.

Others volunteer in neighborhood schools with reading and math, and even in the libraries around the area.

Some of my friends set up and run a beautiful gift shop in our neighborhood library, all volunteers!

Then, if you have ability to entertain you would be welcome to give programs for the elderly in resident homes, etc.

Sometimes from a volunteer position a paying position could emerge!

Just some suggestions..been there, did that, still doing that...

Cheers,

Grandma Mil (The oldest, but not the wisest on the Corner..I am still in the learning stage!)

Jean
You are sooooo welcome here. You converse extremely well. My 12 year old is an Aspergers autistic child, but he also has a degree of ADD which prevents him from being completely up to par with his academics. WOW...small world. I'm working on relocating to London for a while. Hopefully the first part of summer..then we'll play it by ear.
If I make it over we'll have to compare notes. If you've read my posts you'll know that I've been in the whole for a long while now and things have got to go up. So hang in there. Intern somewhere...just go in and ask if you can help out to learn their company. I had a friend here in Atlanta, GA that went into a television station and volunteered for 3 months and they ended up hiring her. She's doing great. Make yourself at their disposal.

Welcome.

Gotta go to tap tonight and then get home and then get online and find an agent to send my script to. Wish me luck guys it a roll of the dice. Then I'll probably watch my two favorite movies to inspire me.

Love you guys...

Timbo

Whitney,
I watched the movie AI last night (that was on your list of favourite Sci-fi flicks, wasn't it?).
An exceptional morality play, I thought. It begs so many questions from us, questions that we ourselves can only answer as individuals.
A futuristic tale of pinnochio, no less.
I empathise with David's wish to be "a real boy".
(In my case, to be like everyone else, but I'll say no more about that,I don't want to bore the board to tears.)
I remember watching similar themes in Star Treks TNG and Voyager series, involving Mr Data and Seven of Nine.
It's a clever angle, using a being who is not "human" to reflect on those qualities that define humanity.

I've spent a good deal of time searching for the answer to that long ilusive question: "who am I?".
My journey has taken many unexpected paths with unbelievable twists. I will never be as I was. I am different now, but somehow the same. Ironically, it has taught me one crystal clear reality: I am me. I am no more, I am no less, I can be no other than that what I am. And that's OK. I no longer want to be like someone else.
I felt like a bit of a goose when I came right back to where I started from, but, on the other hand, I realised it was a journey that had to be undertaken. Oh, what a journey!

If anyone is not following this, then please ignore it. I have days like this occassionally. Thanks to all for the opportunity to once again spill my guts.

Cheers,
Peter

I need all of you to send some special protective energy this way, PLEASE! I have been out rounding up baby rabbits for the last two and a half hours. My dogs found a nest and started chasing them, it was like a horror movie. And there I am running and screaming at my dogs (and yes I know it is just their nature to do this), the neighbor's cats catch wind of what's going on and start chasing the rabbits the dogs haven't seen, which causes the dog's to see the cats, well, it was sheer chaos!
I herded up every pet in the neighborhood and had them taken indoors, then I went about finding the babies. They are between 3 and 4 inches long. So sweet.
I contacted a wildlife center and they told me to put them back in the nest and keep it covered during the day with a laundry basket, leaving it off at night for the mother to come and nurse. Supposedly, her mothering instinct will be strong enough to accept them even with human scent on them. We've found three so far, I think there were five in the nest.
My neighbors think I'm crazy for trying to save them, none of them felt it was worth it. I just feel so responsible for them now, I have to try at least.
Between our yard and our neighbors on each side we have about three acres. I'm hoping those bunnies didn't go very far.
So anyway, send some energy the rabbit's way. Hopefully the feral cats won't find them.
God I'm exhausted!

Thanks guys,
Michelle/Chicago

Peter, I didn't mean to ignore your post, I was in such a state when I posted earlier.
I love what you said about your journey taking you back to where you began. I agree with that. Learning to understand and accept ourselves can lead us in so many directions, some that may even surprise us!
I would love to hear more about your journey. What you've posted so far has been amazing and inspiring to someone like me, who is feeling a bit mired down in the muck about now. Spill away!

Chief Rabbit Catcher,
Michelle in Chicago

Michelle,
I admire you for saving those baby rabbits, especially if it's not a popular choice. Give yourself a pat on the back and have a well earned rest!
Don't feel down. Whatever happens, you can always move forward from where you're standing.

I don't know that I could tell my story simply. I have discussed this with a number of people who have all tried to encourage me to write a book about my experiences. It would require that sort of detail to be properly understood. Unfortunately, I can't do that until I am certain that my reasons are the right ones. I think there's a little way to go yet.
I do not want this to become a revenge thing, even inadvertently. I would like to think that I am above that.
The few select people I've told my story to have come out with responses such as: "It's like something out of a movie", and "you really should write a book about it". That's easy to say. I don't know that a wider cross-section of people would feel the same way about it. It's really hard for me to assess. I'm too close to it to be totally objective.
I really need to ask: who will benefit?
I'm just not convinced yet. When my objectivity is sorted I might reconsider.

Time to again get my thoughts focussed on productive pursuits (work).

Peter

Just returned from tap...thought I'd pass along some great news. We're signing up for next year and my 10 year old is going to add ballet, at my urging, but he thought of it first. There's a guy in the teen class so he thought it was ok. At any rate, the school owner is going to observe him at his tap concert and based on her observations place him in a beginniners class (probably teens) with a scholarship. (NO PAY YIPPEE!!!!!!)

Great night, the show is really coming along great. It is so cool to be a part of something that's going to make everyone happy and entertain people in a few weeks. What a charge.

Later mates...

timbo

Jean, welcome and thank you for writing so magnificantly!! I dont know why but as I read your post I saw you working in a flower shop as a florist?!?! Strange isnt it? That was before I got to the end of your post and you asked for ideas on what to do. I have a very stong feeling that you would love that, meeting people, working with all those wonderful smells and bringing smile to faces with your happy and cheerful personality. Strange - I have not really had this type of premonition when reading posts. Any way that is my suggestion.

Tim, I am sorry to have not got back to you regarding an agent to send your script to. I will have a chat with my agent in L.A and see if she has any suggestion or if in fact she would be interested in reading it. If so I will aks Cat to pass on her details privately to you.

Peter, who will benefit?

Peter, I also meant to say:

circles, circles, round and round
where we start, we be found

a startless journey from end to end
to start anew, is time to spend

unravel the mystery of lifes burning fire
circles ever circles our endless desire

or something like that.

Peter, just a very quick response to what you wrote. I too am very fascinated by what you have posted about your experiences so far and would definitely like to hear more about it. Write the book, don't write it, it's entirely up to you. Most importantly if you do decide to write it, it should be for you. But why do you want to be totally objective about it??? As an "academic" [who hates that label & who currently is pretty pissed and frustrated with academia] I nonetheless can't help throw in this comment: Can you ever be totally objective? And what the heck is being objective anyway? [don't answer that!!!]

Jean, first of all welcome! and thanks for joining us. I think making that adjustment when something that has "defined" your life for so long, i.e. in your case work of a very particular nature, is suddenly taken away from you, it takes a while to find a new sense of self, find new things to fill your time with. It can be unsettling and right now I'm struggling with that myself, since I have no idea what I will be doing come the end of May, when I most happily will give up student life (not learning though), am done with the job I'm in, am not allowed to work until at least the middle of July (depends on how quickly the INS processes my one year employment authorization), but I'm also not allowed to leave the US during the time and I really want to go home to Europe for the summer and if I don't get a job at all, I have no choice but to move back to Europe come the end of July or August on very short notice, and if that happens, I know even less what I will do there, since I know I don't want to work in the university system in my home country. It probably would help if I didn't feel so torn between the two places, wanting to live in both, Europe more for personal and cultural reasons, the US more for professional reasons (some of course also personal), and then there is the part in me that wants to try a completely different place and culture. Now that I've wandered of on a tangent to make a point, let me (try to) get back to it: although I'm feeling very stressed about the many doors that have slammed shut in my face over the course of the last 6 months (or longer), seeing that something that has filled my life for so many years is coming to an end without me knowing where I'm going from here and that something that I really want to do doesn't seem to be happening right now (it might happen at a different point in my life), has me on edge-- very much-- scares me, makes me sad, but I also see it as an opportunity to do some of the things I’ve always wanted to do, but never seem to find the time for, or never take the chance or risk to do, because I'm so absorbed in my normal daily routine. Even though most of the time right now my experience is much more in line with Linda's experience of being trapped in the elevator not being able to get anywhere and forced to sit and wait for someone else to make choices that profoundly impact me, there are moments where I see this as a gift as well, to explore me in ways I haven't done, to nurture me and see what new options & opportunities will develop from being taken out of my familiar, normal routines, that I can't even imagine at this point. Whether I will take advantage of this "forced vacation" or not, is entirely up to me, but I'm trying to keep an open mind for what will come my way and I hope that you too will find some freedom in the situation you find yourself in right now. It can be overwhelming and daunting, but it is also up to you and to me to make it into something positive, nurturing, fun, exciting. You have so many more options now than when you were tied into your job. Just my thought.

So Linda, what is going on with you that is keeping you from getting onto the yellow brick road? Is there anything I can do to support you?

Michelle, Chief Rabbit Catcher, I'm sending you and the baby rabbits positive survival energy. This is really sweet that you feel so responsible for them. Big pat on your back!

Whit, thanks for your positive vibes. I'm sending some right back to you so that you can find your way and fulfill your dreams.

Katalina, wink and flirt away, if you feel like it. I think it's great that you do it!

Diane, thanks for your very kind wishes for my happiness and success. I do wish you the very same and that doors will open for you and your family to bring some financial stability back into your lives. And I wish you a lot of wisdom for your decision whether or not to start your own business or not.

Paul, I have the same wishes for you, wishes of happiness and success and financial stability and for being creatively fulfilled. It must be maddening for you when that is "taken away" from you who is incredibly creative and gifted and thrives on it. But being creatively fulfilled also has the potential to taking on many different forms …
By the way nice poem about the circles, "beginnings / endings" of journeys.

Okay, got to go and prepare my presentation for my final exam now. I have less than three weeks to prepare and Mum is coming into town Monday evening (yeah!!! :-)) so it's really more like 4 days,

Sorry, this has gotten much longer than I thought .. oh well, ... love to everyone and thoughts of happiness and being fulfilled.

Paul, I've been feeling pretty tired myself lately. Sorry if things haven't been on the up and up. Here's a big hug to get you through these down times. Just be true to yourself. Happy belated Birthday. Don't forget to sow sow your garden.. I won't shin kick you if your down.

Hi Whit, Evelyn and grandma and others. I hope you are all doing well. Sorry I haven't kept up with everything. My dog almost died and has been ill,the slab plumming leaked, etc etc. When it rains it pours!!
We lived though it.

Michelle, protective energy coming your way!
Evelyn, good luck on your presentation

Now I've got to go back and read alot of posts.
Take care everyone

Suz

Paul, thanks for your words of encouragement. I'm feeling stronger each day about my prospects for owning my own business, even though it still seems like a daunting project. The alternative of dragging my aging body from one sorry-assed job to the next is enough to keep me plugging along on this idea.

I believe in you, too! And while you may very well have some great performance projects ahead of you (as my husband feels he has), you might want to spend a little time each day or week plotting out your business plan for when you DO open your Brew Cafe. My husband is looking into his options for establishing a computer/networking consulting business. He's getting some great guidance at a website call MyOwnBusiness.org . They have an online course on how to prepare your business plan and much more. I wish you all the best in everything you do, of course — whether performing or not; but I think that eventually you'll decide you've had enough of the BS from the entertainment industry and you'll express your creativity in new and exciting ways.

Hi, Linda! You did much better than I would have in a stuck elevator. Most of the time I find no great revelations; but oddly enough, as I continue to pursue this business idea, I keep running into helpful people and receiving important information from strangers. Very seredipitous! It seems to me that we often receive signals in subtle ways that we somehow ignore. I hope your yellow brick road will soon present itself to you.

Jean, Granma Millie had a great suggestion with volunteering. When you do return to paying work, it looks good on your resume that you have been involved and you will gain some additional skills in the process. I was somewhat shy and retiring when I started to volunteer in the classroom 10 years ago. Then I got involved in the PTA, ended up serving as president of my unit, which was great experience and a BIG ego booster. Here's another idea: How about tutoring? I don't know about your community, but it seems to me that there's always a market for math and English tutors. Maybe you could even work with special needs kids either individually or as a teaching assistant at a local school. Chin up, Jean. You'll find a place to use your special talents and we believe in you, too!!!

Hey, Whitney, there's an Art Institute in Ft. Lauderdale. I don't know anything about the place, but maybe you could teach there or at Broward Community College or at a higher institution in Florida. Maybe you could teach art classes in a special adult education course. In Florida, you could hang with Millie and Ellie and I'm sure you'd find other interesting people.

Michelle, I'm sending healthy bunny energy your way. What a wonderful, caring person you are! One of the many reasons I'm furious with my employers is that they have dogs they neglect and they're about to get two more puppies.

Peter, why would you feel like a goose when you return to where you started? You may return to the same place, but you are not the same person. About writing that book... Are you keeping a journal? If not, maybe you should start writing it all down for your own benefit and see where that takes you. I'll be your direction with this will be revealed to you as you go along.

Evelyn, again good wishes and success vibes your way. Have a wonderful visit with your mom!!!

Love to all on the Corner!

Diane

Paul, Who will benefit?...I doubt that I would benefit in any way. I already have plenty of opportunities for exposure, but I can see no good ever coming from it. It's too much of a lame target. I'd only feel lousy. I'll just work through it my own way (with a little help), retain some dignity and ceate a better me.
Thanks for the kind words and wisdom.

Evelyn, Are you really 6 feet tall! WOW!!
Objectivity - it's my greatest ally. I rely on it strongly to help me retain a focus on balance and integrity (add sanity), without emotions factoring in and colouring my viewpoint.
I could write his book, gloss it up and possibly sell a truckload, but I would a lesser person.
It would be worthless crap, because it would be a lie.
I take your point though, it's right to acknowledge our emotions as well as the empty facts. Otherwise we would all be like androids, I suppose.
Don't let academia get you down. The corporate and commercial worlds are much the same. You just have to find a niche that you can call your own and that will support YOU, instead of you supporting IT.

Diane, Yes you're quite correct. I am a better person for the journey. The "goose" was just my lame attempt at humour.
I DO keep a detailed journal. It has taught me that what may seem of overwhelming importance today, may be of little significance tommorrow. At least I can see how far I've come.

Make that business happen! The best part of it is that it's all YOURS.
I did it about three years ago (I'm a consultant engineer). Find a market, create the product, sell yourself and your journey is already underway. Just do it! Good luck.

Peter

Hello beautiful people, this is Sofia a first year lawyer wannabe at UCDAVIS, CA. I have been silent because of school. No spring break for me, I spent it at the library reading caseloads assigned by our sadistic professors of law. When I visited the corner again, Paul just echoed what I have been telling myself the last 2 semesters. I am tired of all these assignments in class I have no social life but then everytime I walk around the campus of UCDAVIS, I see God's handiwork around me and I just think that God/Creator (whatever you conceive him/her to be) made this world so beautiful to feel tired. That's when I thank my creator for all the good things as well as the not so good ones and I feel better and I said to myself "This too will pass".
I totally agree that all our problems and troubles are just temporary. Everyoone in here have been very supportive of each other that's why I love this board. Paul, you are a very talented actor and before you know it you will have tons of offer. Just look at John Travolta, he was out for a while, when he came back he was better. I have no doubt that you will soon get what your heaet desires. Meantime, people lots of love and hugs from the green farmland of Davis, CA. SOFIA

Thanks so much, Peter. I greatly appreciate your encouragement. I have not been consistent in journaling and I sometimes cringe when I look back throught what I've written. Still, I think it may all pull together for you someday in a very meaningful way.

Welcome, Sofia. First year law student, huh? You're a real glutton for punishment. Good for you. My sis (former in-law, but soul sister) represents juveniles in Florida. I think she's awesome!

Night All!

Diane

Hi guys! Many thanks for the warm welcome. I really appreciate all your kind thoughts and ideas to help me move forward.
Paul, florist? Interesting thought. Flowers - an on-going argument between me and my husband! I love them, he hates them! No that's incorrect. He doesn't hate them, he just refuses to buy them - 'waste of money' he says! Us girls love to receive flowers, but all the years we've been together he's never bought me any, even when our son was born. All the other new fathers were coming into the hospital with beautiful bouquets, I got a box of chocolates! Not quite the same, but he meant well! As if my backside wasn't big enough already! I buy my mum flowers every week and I know how much she appreciates them. A gift of lovely brightly coloured, perfumed flowers lifts your mood, I just wish someone would do it for me occassionally! But you're right Paul, I do like to meet people. The jobs I've had have not enabled me to do that, stuck in an office from 9 til 5, surrounded by the same faces day in day out. I need to go out there and meet & greet!
Grandma Mil/Diane, you both suggested volunteering. This is something I've thought about. A retirement village recently opened near to where I live. I have a cousin who lives there who told me they have notices around the place asking for volunteers to help with the infirm, in the shops, bars etc. So that's something I will consider.
Tim, We share common ground with our children's condition. Chris is an excellent academic but his social skills are not so good. He's always found it difficult to mix & communicate with his peers. His high school is now a specialist school for performing arts and he started drama class last September. He hasn't looked back. I'm amazed how much he's developed in that short time. No more skulking at the back of the class, he puts himself up for everything! Drama is very therapeutic for him. Good luck when you come over to London. I live in the north of England, a place called Warrington which lies between Liverpool & Manchester. It's a while since I visited the capital. It's certainly the place to be and I'm sure you'll find everything you're looking for.
Evelyn, a difficult decision for you to make whether to stay in the US or come back to Europe. From my point of view you've been fortunate to travel and work abroad. I wish I'd have been more adventurous in my youth. I left school at 16 and went straight into the office. I had no ambitions in those days, I just had to earn a living. I really regret that now. But like you said we must keep an open mind, think positive and move on to better things.
Michelle, I would love to sit under a tree in the local park with a glass of wine & reading the latest 'corset-ripping' novel! Can you recommend any good books? Especially self-help books (I'm not a lover of 'corset-rippers' really!). I do need some quiet time to re-evaluate my life.

luv
Jean

Hello everyone

What great posts. Everyone is working toward something. As far as self-employment goes, just don't expect too much too fast. But go with the idea. It become big fast and you'll love it. You'll be doing something for yourself and others. Here's some advice from an ex-CPA...Do all your homework first. Get a lawyer to draft up your corporate papers. DO NOT NEGLECT THIS STEP. DO NOT BLOW OFF MINUTES of a corporation...absolutely essential in cases of lawsuits in the future, banking relationships, and IRS issues. Make sure you find a CPA you can work with that will handle your needs and that you can trust to take advantage of the tax code in your best interest.

We're all up against things. I found out today at my attorneys office, that I probably will not win a suit against my previous employer for unpaid hospital bills, even though I was insured. Long story..but I'm going to have to pay them even though I paid premiums to insure me at the time. I also found out that my cousins and I are probably NOT going to be able to participate in mother's sisters estate. It would have been a real stroke of luck. Alas..what can you say. I didn't have it before, so can't cry over something you've never had right?

I'm trying to get the pool open for my kids. Still a little too cold, but I would like for it to be nice and blue and ready for dives and slides as soon as it warms up enough. Plus I hate looking at the green pond anymore.

Chin is up. (all of them)

Getting excited about the concert in May. I wanted to be a smaller version of myself by then, but it ain't looking good. I'll just look like Tom Hanks (pre weight loss for that movie) dancing across stage.

Oh and thanks Paul...I appreciate any ANY help you can send my way. Muchos gracias.

Off to work. Two clients to do at their homes this afternoon. At least I'll make $200 or so today.

Later

Timbo

Hi Jean, I would be happy to recommend a few books, and I hope everyone else will chime in with their favorites as well.

I told Tim recently about The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck. We agree that it is a very powerful book if you're trying to figure out how you got to be who you are, and ways of changing the parts of you that aren't beneficial.

There is a new book by Po Bronson called What Should I Do With My Life. It contains stories about people who were in careers that weren't fulfilling, realizing their passions may lie elsewhere and changing careers to have a more meaningful life. I haven't read it but my husband is reading it now. He is in sales and has a great job with good pay and great benefits but he would rather be building furniture.

I like the Conversations With God books. Very inspiring and spiritual but NOT religious.

I am going to read Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. So many people have told me to read it,(and it looks very good), so I'm going to go buy it today.

I have been reading a very good book on World Religions in an effort to better understand the people I live with on this planet.
I usually have at least four books going at one time, a habit I'm trying to quit. Trying to live a bit more mindfully.

So Jean, I hope this gives you a few ideas. Let me know what you read whether it's one of my suggestions or not. I love to hear about books!

And if anyone here has read Ishmael, I'd like to know what you thought of it.

The momma rabbit came back!

Michelle/Chicago

Dear Jean,

Besides the volunteering work you could find in a retirement village, there is a paying situation that many in our area do...driving seniors to doctor appointments, shopping, to airports, etc., for many seniors cannot drive themselves anymore.

These drivers charge about $10 and hour..some of them help with the shopping, bring the groceries into the apartment, and wait for their clients during doctor appointments. The only drawback would be, of course, that you would need a car at your disposal, and the insurance might be a drawback also. Just a thought.

It's wonderful that Chris is finding performing so enjoyable...yes, it gets into one's blood, to which a few of us on this site can attest.

Chris most likely will continue to bloom. Our 3 daughters were active in the high school musicals, and we loved their friends that were involved also, for they were all special, and it was a close-knit group.

One of the high school kids that came into our house with the thespian group was a tall, lanky, talented kid who grew up to be the co-writer and lyricist for the newest Broadway hit, "Hairspray"!

I'll bet if I looked this man up today, he would remember me as the mother of Paula, Marcia, and Leah, the epitome of all stage mothers! Now, so many years later, I am on the stage myself in our retirement community, and it's like a new career in my old age..I've gone from being a stage mother to a Momma, "the biggest mother...hen"! (My
latest lipsync from "Chicago.")

When "Chicago" comes to England or Australia, don't miss it, Jean, Paul, Peter...if you can buy the CD, do it!!!

Timbo, I am excited for you also! Can't wait to hear about your recital. Is anyone video taping it?

You're going to be great...a new rising star, and won't your family be proud! Will you be able to hear our applause???

Love, good health, and peace,

GrandMomma Mil

Hi everyone.
Momma Mil...Thanks for the posters. I checked my email today. They were wonderful.
I just got back from my trip to the Mall of America. We also stopped to see my grandfather. It was nice to take a break from my normal life.
It is so depressing visiting my grandfather. My grandmother died a few months ago, so my grandfather seems very lonely. He recently moved into a place called Care Partners, which is an assisted living facility. It is a lot like a nursing home there. I do not like going there. When I go, the people staying there aren't happy. They just sit there all by themselves. I hate to think that people go to a place so they can wait to die. I can understand for those who can't talk or take care of themself, but that is not the case for my grandfather. He hates living there, but everyone is afraid of him living alone on the farm. I think that he should just be able to spend the rest of his life how he wants to and where he wants to.
Okay, I've vented enough. I am going to a friend's house now, hoping to get some more enjoyment out of what is left of my Spring Break. I'll hopefully write a more meaningful post when I get back. I just don't seem to have the energy and I'm not in the mood right now to think about life deeply. I hope the post makes sense because I'm not reading it over. I don't have time. Goodbye for now.

Best wishes and love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Just a quick note, we will be taping the tap concert, so you'll get to see me in ALL my splendor...the adults aredoing a piece to boogie shoes and our kids and us are doing a piece to me and my shadow it's really cute. you'll see my two youngest sons.

love
&

peace

timbo

Paul...Thanks for your insightful spin on my adventure in the elevator. I, too, am eagerly waiting for doors to open.

Evelyn...Thanks for your thoughts. I have thinking about your comments as why I am not where I want to be. My first inclination is to blame others but in truth, it must be me! As Paul suggested, I will dig deeper.

Whitney and Diane...Thanks for your kind hugs. Always appreciated. And right back at ya'!

Millie...Just thanks for being you!

Tim...Best of luck with the dancing feet!

Peter...How profound you are!

Michelle...Happy bunny hunting! How caring you are to try to put the rabbit home back in order.

To everyone else in PC, a pleasant evening...

Linda

Enlightenment

Express yourself completely,
then become quiet.

Open yourself to
heaven and earth,
and be like the forces of nature:
when the wind blows,
there is only the wind;
when it rains,
there is only rain;
when the clouds pass,
the sun promises to shine.

If you open yourself to insight,
you are at one with insight
and you can use it completely.

Open yourself to heaven and earth,
then trust your
natural responses;
and everything
will fall into place.

-Lao Tsu

Hope all is well with the Collective Corner.
Michelle/Chicago

Hi Paul and co.
Wow! I'm so glad I've stumbled into this place.
What a gang of marvellous people you are. All out to help each other, it's lovely.
Just thought i'd introduce myself before I made myself comfortable...
I'm just 18, from Manchester in the UK, studying Drama, English Literature and English Language and I hope some day to be an actress (big dream I know, but I'm a dreamer i guess). I won't go on any more about me because I'll get into a huge ramble and probably bore you! I'm currently thinking of having a year out before i go to university, but i feel so pressured to do the sensible thing, mainly by my parents, whom i love very much and have a wonderful relationship with, the main reason i don't want to dissapoint them. All i really want to do for a year or so is spend some time in the countryside, thinking...I don't know, it's confusing.
Anyway, Love and hugs to you all, I truly hope we will become friends.

Hannah* (Banana, hehe)
xxxxxx

P.S I think you're fantast Paul.

Hey welcome Hannah...

You sound like a happy person and we're always up for more of those. You're not dreaming...actors and actresses are born everyday. If it's something you believe in, then do it. As for college. I have a little recommendation. Go ahead and go to university as you say in the UK, we in the US say go to college. Immaterial, point is don't have your parents waste money on an expensive university, but go to a local or more inexpensive one. Take the "core" classes that everyone has to take no matter what you ultimately want to major in. You can also use that time to take a couple of classes you think you may be interested in. Don't necessarily take full loads. Giving you time to work and take long weekends in the country to "think." I only say this because I have friends that put it off the first year then the second then the third...and before they knew it they were 38. Kind of like compromising.

What a day I've had you guys. I don't know if everyone understands what a septic tank is, (it's not pleasant), our 30 something year old house has one and well today it died. It's a $1500 emergency. I went to the Dr. today about a problem with my neck shoulder and arm. I left after spending $490 and have to go back tomorrow. Oh and he put in me a neck brace. Can't lift, can't work. HELLO say what???? He will bill my nsurance company but I have to pay up front and last but not least the orthodontist trip for my oldest son. I still have to pay that on Monday $750 +....Yowsa.
$3000 in a day. I just laughed and laughed and took a xanax. I then had a smoke. If I could go hide somewhere..I'd just go smoke a pack and watch movies. I'm really getting better at this...Seriously what can you do..nothing. Just go with the flow...but today I'd like to blow the flow.

Maybe just maybe oh god omnipotent out there power what ever it is...let my screen play sell. I'm cheap...

I'm still laughing so join me want you? Have a drink for me and say Cheers everything is going our way!!!!

Something postive for the day....hmmmmmmmm
oh..got the tele bill in today. Found out I overpaid it. So I really only owe about $24...Hell yeah!!

I love it here...

you guys are the best

love and peace
timbo

hi paul,
in answer to the questions and concerns you pose to yourself, i send you a copy of an email that was forwarded to me. it just so happens i received it tonight and this is the first time in a while ive visited the site. it answered many questions for me and i think it might help you too...in any event it will just make you think. good luck!-nicole

Why is it so important to follow my heart?
>
>The prompting of your heart is the voice of God guiding you to your highest
>good. In ancient Egypt, when an important person died, the priests saved the
>heart, which they believed to be sacred, and discarded the other organs.
>They understood that the heart was the true seat of wisdom, not the mind.
>Certainly the mind is important, for God speaks through our thoughts. Yet
>the deepest wisdom issues not from facts or beliefs, but our inner knowing.
>Passion is a holy gift, illuminating the shortest route to our chosen
>destiny.
>
>How can I know if the guidance I am feeling is coming from my spirit, rather
>than ego or fear or past conditioning?
>
>When you have a choice before you, try all the alternatives on for size and
>discover which one feels like it best expresses you. This process is like
>going to a clothing store and trying on different dresses or suits in front
>of a mirror. Suddenly you find an item that inspires you to exclaim, "Now
>this is really me!" The article of clothing matches who you are and makes
>your cells vibrate with a sense of familiar delight.
>
>The only true measure of success is joy. Take the affirmation, "Joy is my
>compass," and for a day or a week or a month or a year or a lifetime,
>practice making choices on the basis of which alternative brings you the
>most life force. Where does the deepest "yes!" in you live?
>
>How can I get in touch with my bliss so I can make joy-filled decisions?
>
>Tell the impeccable truth about your feelings in every situation. When
>someone asks you which restaurant you would like to go to, be honest about
>the choice that would make you happiest. When someone asks you for a date
>and the thought of going doesn't feel attractive, say no. (If thinking about
>something doesn't feel good, doing it won't feel better!) When you feel
>drawn to a movie in the video store, take it home. If you're watching a
>video that feels emotionally debilitating, turn it off. Trust the messages
>your feelings are giving you as feedback on how well your current choice
>matches your well-being. Living from joy is like building a muscle; the more
>you trust and act on your intuition, the louder, stronger, and more real it
>becomes. If you don't live from your truth, your ability to access it will
>atrophy, and you will not know who you are, what you want, or what you are
>doing here.
>
>I met a woman who had lost touch with her truth. She joined me and another
>friend on a day trip, and when we asked her, "would you like to stop to get
>something to eat?" or "what do you feel like doing now?" or "are you ready
>to go home?" she would answer, "if you do," or "whatever you like," or a
>resigned "that's all right, don't worry about me." This dear woman had been
>married for over forty years to a man who made all the decisions for the
>family; that was their unspoken agreement. Over those years her ability to
>be in touch with her truth and speak it, had atrophied to the point where
>she didn't really know what she wanted. I found this predicament
>frightening; though she walked and breathed, she had, in a way, died
>energetically. Living out someone else's truth is a denial of our purpose as
>unique, magnificent, creative souls.
>
>The good news is that we can never totally lose our ability to get in touch
>with what we know; the voice of God never disappears, even if we choose not
>to listen to it. We can rediscover it at any moment, and restore our life
>force quickly by speaking from our heart.
>
>How do I deal with people who try to dissuade me from following my heart?
>Every time I tell my (boss, mother, partner) about something I feel excited
>about, they shoot me down.
>
>The only person who has the power to shoot you down is yourself. No one
>outside you can take away your good. No one else can create your experience,
>and you cannot create the experience of another. You can influence, but not
>create. Any antagonist reflects the part of you that antagonizes yourself.
>It is said that "you cannot defeat an enemy who has an outpost in your
>head."
>
>Don't blame such a person; thank him or her. Bless and appreciate those who
>challenge you, as reflections of the parts of your mind and heart calling to
>be healed. If someone's criticism disturbs you, you already agree with them.
>If you didn't, their criticism would not even show up in your experience, or
>if it did, you wouldn't even hear it or give it a second thought. That fact
>that they disturbed to you, means that you have already disturbed yourself
>on that issue; they are pointing to your next step of self-love, acceptance,
>and healing.
>
>You can look upon someone who annoys you as your best friend, for they help
>you to grow. There is a story about a man in ancient Greece who paid someone
>fifty dollars a day to walk around and insult him, so he would become strong
>in the face of criticism. And you may remember Kato, the Chinese houseboy of
>the Pink Panther. Kato would jump out of the closet at random moments and
>assault the Pink Panther with expert karate moves. The Pink Panther hired
>Kato to keep him on his toes.
>
>One more suggestion: offer your intimate thoughts and feelings only to those
>who will support you with them. A new vision or inspiration is like an
>embryo growing in a womb. While it is developing, the embryo requires
>nurturing and protection from harsh elements. After it has grown and
>established itself in the world, it is much stronger and resilient, and can
>handle criticism more deftly. In the meantime, find common ground with your
>mother or boss and communicate only about topics that empower both of you.
>
>Why do you say that struggle is not required? Are you preaching laziness?
>
>Struggle is born of resistance, which disempowers us. When we fight against
>anything, inside or outside of us, we generate more of it. Jesus said, "turn
>the other cheek," encouraging us to focus on what we want rather than resist
>what we do not want. Imagine for a moment how wonderful your life would be
>without struggling! Proceeding from a sense of ease is far more effective
>than trying to push against something. Struggle is not required by God, and
>we do not need to require it of ourselves. Attention is required. Intention
>is required. Focus is required. A purposeful attitude is required. Energy is
>required. Love is required. Action may be required. Persistence may be
>required. None of these activities imply struggle.
>
>Set your internal emotional barometer to make you aware the moment you begin
>to step into a sense of struggle. As soon as you realize you are starting to
>lose your peace, ask yourself, "How would I being doing this differently if
>I were willing to approach this without struggle?" The path of ease offers
>many viable and effective alternatives to emotional warfare.
>
>How can I find joy or follow my bliss if I feel depressed?
>
>At the heart of the word "depressed" is the word "press," which indicated
>that life force is moving. Passion is a form or pressing, or movement.
>Emotion is energy in motion. The word "press" is also at the heart of the
>word "express." The quickest and surest way out of depression is to start
>expressing yourself. You cannot express and depress at the same time.
>Depression is life force turned inward against yourself, and expression is
>life force moving out into the world. If you start to feel depressed, do
>anything creative - play music, write poetry, work in your garden, dance,
>draw or paint - anything to move your energy outward. Express your feelings
>to a friend, a therapist, or in a journal. Life force is always moving, even
>in depression, and if you can get a handle on it and express it in ways that
>empower, rather than debilitate you, you are on the road to greater joy.
>
>How do I overcome negative core programming? When I was young I was
>imprinted with many limiting beliefs by my parents, teachers, religion, and
>society. Now when I set out to have a good job or a healthy relationship, I
>seem to sabotage myself. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."
>
>You may not realize what an old dog you are! Who you are is far greater than
>what you have learned. Your negative beliefs were adopted from outside
>authorities, and you can return to internal authority at any time. As a
>spiritual being, you run far deeper than anything you have learned, and
>while you may be influenced by your past, you are not determined by it. Your
>history is not your destiny.
>
>I learned of a new birthing technique in which the placenta is frozen and
>stored. If, later in the child's life, he or she needs a blood transfusion,
>blood cells are taken from the placenta that lived with the child in the
>womb. They are pure, untainted cells that match the person's exact original
>blueprint for well-being. Similarly, on a spiritual level, we can access our
>pure Source at any moment, and heal our hearts, minds, and bodies.
>
>We may get so involved in trying to recall, analyze, and understand our core
>negative programs that our very attention to them perpetuates them. Let's
>remember that we get more of whatever we pay attention to. If we concentrate
>on what limits us, we remain imprisoned. If we concentrate on what brings us
>joy and freedom, we invite more of that into our experience. I would pay
>little attention to what went wrong, and as much attention as possible to
>how I would like or choose it to be now.
>
>I feel stuck about money. I have enough to think about just trying to pay my
>bills. How can I follow my joy when I have obligations?
>
>There are many forms of prosperity other than money. If you can develop your
>sense of prosperity independent of money, doors will open. Begin to notice
>and appreciate the many blessings and forms of abundance you already have:
>good health, beloved family, dear friends, rich green trees, the vast
>expanse of ocean and sky, the internet which offers infinite information and
>connection at your fingertips, a wealth of ideas, etc. As you shift your
>attention from what is lacking to what is overflowing, your whole energy
>field becomes lighter, your body chemistry changes, and an entirely more
>powerful level of manifestation becomes available to you.
>
>A number of years ago I found myself in a financial pinch and I felt
>restricted. I asked myself what I would do if I had the money to have
>whatever I wanted. My answer was to buy a new Mazda Miata. But I didn't have
>the money to buy one. So I went to the Mazda dealership and acted as if I
>was going to buy one. I poked around the showroom, took a Miata for a test
>drive, and talked options and prices with the salesman - all the while
>knowing that there was no way I was going to buy a car that day. I came home
>feeling exhilarated; just playing in the field of ideas surrounding having
>that car lifted me into a sense of abundance.
>
>That was a turning point for me. As I reconnected with my joy simply by
>exploring delicious possibilities, money started to flow, and before long I
>remembered that I live in a prosperous universe. Within a year I bought a
>car - a Mazda RX-7, the top of the Mazda line, far more attractive to me
>than the Miata.
>
>The point here is not that I got a car; the point is that I regained a sense
>of prosperity, which paved the way for the car. Attention is intention. Hold
>thoughts on vision, and vision manifests.
>
>How do I know when to hang in there in a relationship, or a job, or a
>friendship, and when to let go?
>
>How joyful is the journey? Every job, relationship, or friendship offers
>both flowers and weeds, things we love, and things we do not. Everything may
>not be wonderful all of the time. The question is, what is the balance
>between what is wonderful and what is not?
>
>Consider your relationship like a cup. If the foundation of the cup is good
>and strong and glued together with love, challenges can come up and occupy
>space in the cup, but they will not have the power to crack the cup; in
>fact, moving through the challenges strengthens the cup. If, on the other
>hand, the cup is cracked or weak, even little things can shatter the cup. Is
>the basis of your connection joyful and rewarding, and do the challenges
>come and go? Or is your foundation one of pain and difficulty and
>separateness and bitterness, with a few occasional bright moments? If there
>is more joy than pain, you are ahead of the game. If there is more pain than
>joy and things are not getting better, but worse, it is time to question
>what you are doing.
>
>Even the best of relationships have difficult moments. What is the overall
>trend of the relationship? Are you growing and discovering more about
>yourself and your partner and Spirit, or is the relationship sucking life
>force from you? The purpose of relationship is to grow in love. Evaluate it
>from that perspective, and you will have your answer.
>
>How important is it to have a teacher?
>
>A good teacher points you to your own inner source. God lives within you and
>speaks to you through your own heart and mind; all external experiences
>exist in the service of self-discovery.
>
>A consultant is someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is.
>If you do not know how to tell time, the consultant is very helpful indeed.
>But ultimately your best interest is to learn to tell time yourself. A good
>guru, psychologist, personal coach, psychic, astrologer, or healer helps you
>get in touch with your own wisdom. A guru sits beside a river selling
>bottled river water. If you do not know how to access the river yourself,
>the guru serves. And if the guru shows you to way to the river, he or she
>serves in the highest way. When you find the river yourself and plumb its
>life-giving waters, you have established your own relationship with Source.
>A guru is an extension of your own true self, showing up in an external form
>as a temporary teaching device, assisting you to become acquainted with the
>guru within. Ultimately the only guru is truth, which lives within you and
>everyone all the time.
>
>How can I know my life's purpose?
>
>Use everyday situations to build your intuition and authenticity. The
>mundane is a magnificent springboard to the divine (that is its whole
>purpose!). You can find yourself through everyday life by finding God in
>everyday life. If you feel drawn to go to a particular seminar, go, even if
>you are not sure why. If you feel moved to take one plane flight instead of
>another, go with the energy. If you feel like calling a friend you haven't
>called in a long time, do it immediately; you might discover that person has
>been thinking about you, or needs help, or can offer you help. As you use
>"little" experiences to find and express your truth, you will discover they
>are not so little at all. After a while you will start to see patterns and
>discover the big picture.
>
>Who am I? Who are you?
>
>You are an expression of God, bubbled forth into form to discover new and
>wondrous aspects of yourself. It is said that "God is a flower that grew a
>nose to smell itself." You are a brand new, never-before and never-again
>wave birthed from a vast spiritual ocean to kiss untouched shores and
>participate in the grand unfolding of life. You are God in a form that is
>ever seeking to be a more perfect expression of divine beauty. And you are
>perfect even as you seek perfection.
>
>I am your own voice, speaking to you from a seemingly external form,
>reminding you of that which you already know. You have scripted me a few
>lines as an actor in the play you are producing. You have hired me to say
>the words you would choose to hear at this moment. I am a character in your
>dream, a reflection of your own self.
>
>Just as the ocean forms waves which are reabsorbed into measureless expanse,
>so too do we ultimately merge in spirit. The story is told of an earthworm
>who poked his head out of the soil and saw a most beautiful worm a few
>inches from him. "Will you marry me?" he asked innocently. "Don't be silly,
>the other worm answered, "I am your other half."
>
>Copyright
>ALAN COHEN PROGRAMS & PUBLICATIONS
>P.O. Box 835, Haiku, Hawaii 96708

Thank you Tim! I'm sorry about you're troubles and the septic tank problem...yucky huh? Money is so rubbish, it causes so many worries. I understand the importance of money but I don't like the way it is so important.Boo! How is your neck feeling? Better I hope?
Nicole, I really liked the piece you posted, it was interesting to read and the part about the womans truth dying...I think that is very true. I think there is fear in telling the truth in those situations, a fear of seeming selfish by doing things for your own joy? But it makes sense.
I don't know, I think that's what I'm scared of.

Well...plans for today. I'm going to clean the house for my parents while they're out shopping, sort out my work, watch Saturday morning TV, read my Scott Cunningham book, Oh and get washed and dressed of course, hehe.
I like it here already.
Love and hugs,
Hannah*
xxxxxx

Hi Hannah
Nice to hear from a fellow Brit! I'm not too far from you, I live in Warrington, just up the M62. I agree with Tim over the 'uni' thing. I've also had friends who've put off going and then found themselves sort of left behind. Go for it now, you've plenty of time to travel and do your own thing later.

Michelle, I've made a note of the books you've recommended. I'll certainly look out for them and let you know how I go on.

luv
Jean - UK

I'm with Hannah. That was a cool post nicole! It was long, but well worth it. I imagine many of us can already attest to the validity of these words in many ways. If we can just hold this info in our hearts. But, it is in our hearts, isn't it.

Hannah, I'm with you on the money thing too. It just isn't important to me. I feel like I should live as if I have whatever I need and that works for me. I just don't think about material needs enough to strongly motivate myself in this dept. Of course many money things are forced on us and there lies the rub. And are you really following your bliss by cleaning on a Saturday?????? That is the one day I refuse to clean on, but if you enjoy it, go for it. I recommend the book " Codependent No More" for you as well. Don't misinterpret that please. As a former codependent I took a pledge to spread the information and I continue to do so becasue freedom, truth and love are what it's all about. Right Nicole?

Tim you have a prob with the "system"? What a pain in the neck! I'll come back and read your post. I only know what I read in Hannah's post. I'm a little behind on reading and at this very moment my hound sits whining.

So it's a quick hello to all. Good night Paul. Good morning Mil. Genuine love to everyone.
Dog out!
Whit

Thank you Whitney and hi Jean!!
I don't usually do the cleaning, only on a saturday, my brother and I do it for our parents so when they get back from shopping the house is lovely and clean. But in truth...i hate cleaning, lol!I'm just a good girl! hehe.
Thank you for the book suggestion...I'll look that one up! I find that being honest with others and yourself is one of the main ways to stay happy, lying just gets you into trouble right?

Also I have some reccomendations...any of Sark's books. They're really wonderful...well I find them to be anyway. I'm also an avid Jane Austen fan! Whey! My cats are called Lizzie and Darcy...from Pride and Prejudice...tee hee.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough.
Love and hugs to you all!
Han*
xxx

Nicole
You have definitely won the longest post award. HOWEVER, it was beautiful. I'm printing it out. I'd like to frame it. It so eloquently states so many things that cause the ups and downs of everyday life. JOY, what a thing to forget, but what a way to get back into really living. Thank you very much for your post. It was very inspirational and thought provoking. You know I'm not a religious person, but the inner feeling I got from reading it was wonderful.
Thanks again.
Hello to everyone have a great Saturday, and to our mates in OZ when you wake up good morning and have a great Sunday Morning.

Later

timbo

Good Morning, Whit...is the dog in or out now???

Hannah: I don't know you, but I love you already!
Anyone that would clean the house for parents when they get home from shopping is A+ in my book, and tell your brother how I admire you both!
Keep it up..it means so much to parents!

If you love Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, and named your kitties Liz and Darcy, then you would also adore the MGM movie with Greer Garson as Ellizabeth and Laurence Olivier as Darcy.

What a beautiful movie from 1940, with lots of humor provided by the mother. The beautiful sets and costuming (in black and white) made it a classic. You should be able to rent it at Blockbuster, and if not, let me know, and I will make a copy from my film collection and send it to
you.

Gotta go. There is an electrical storm outside. One should never be using the computer during these storms here in Floria!

Love,

Grandma Mil

Grandma, dog in! You have so many wonderfully insightful things to say about film; I think you should write a little book. I really do. You could call it "Millie on Movies" or something. Just yesterday I was watching the montage of movie dance steps you put together for your granddaughter and your unique appreciation of the images, the moves and the music came right through in your special selections. I think other people would be interested in sharing your keen perception of this wonderful artform. Thanks again for making a copy of that tape for me.

I hope you're havng a good day.
Love,
Whit

Han, I just scrolled up to your last post ( I confess I'm feeling lazy). Grandma's right; it's very thoughtful of you to clean for your parents. I remember the feeling of satisfaction I derived from knowing I'd done something that helped my family and when we're kids, cleaning is one of the few gifts or contributions we can make. I'm with you on the lying thing too. It just complicates a life. Lies are too hard to keep track of. Besides, I'm too stuborn to lie. I don't want to be forced to conceal the truth, though I confess, I've chosen to do so as a means of avoiding conflict when necessary.

I think I need a nap. I'm so thankful for my bed and this little apartment. At least I can lock a door behind me and escape into "Whitney World".
Love,
Whit

Dear Paul-
Though this is only my second time visiting this site, I am shocked and mortified by what a whinning infant you sound like in your last posting. It is an undeniable fact that you are a brilliant dancer and actor- but you sound like a really melodramatic, self entitled cry baby. You are in a very competive field- by now you should have figured out how to acclumate to that scenario. It's hard being an artist- but you have so much in your life to be grateful for- and yet you seem to want to focus on the negative. Why don't you get some therapy and some anti-depressants so that you can use this site to really share and appreciate your fans- rather than just using it as your piss pot.

Stop feeling so sorry for yourself- you've been able to do many things inn life!!! What about all the single mothers on wellfare, the homeless, the unemployed, the uneducated, the ill, the evil etc? Compared to how bad life gets, it sounds like God has really favored you. Now go do for others...

Robbee, NYC, USA

Dear Whit,

Thanks for the remarks on the montage. I wish I could send it to everyone, but I'm happy that at least you have it and are enjoying it.

Ellie and I went out to eat at "Longhorn" late this afternoon, and you would be proud of the way we ordered...no bread, no dessert, no high carb vegs.

I had chicken, and Ellie had his steak. So far, I have lost almost 10 lbs. since Follies and our anniversary. I work out at the gym, as you know, almost every day.

Timbo, in case you're wondering what's going on, I TOOK MYSELF OFF OF THE DRUG CELEBREX, and the weight is going down! For months I was struggling, my cholersterol was rising, and no one believed me when I complained my ankles and fingers were swollen because of water weight.

It was assumed that I sat around the apt. feeding my face with junk, when it was all due to that Celebrex, that I took almost a year for arthritis pain. I don't have pain after almost a week of being off the drug, and I think it's because I am exercising at the gym!

The moral of this story? One must become an informed consumer when it comes to drugs, and don't always assume that the doctors know everything!!

Hannah, I hope you won't be embarrassed when I tell everyone how beautiful you are...I loved that picture! You have a loving and close-knit family, and you certainly captured my heart when you mentioned you love the theatre and the cinema..you definitely are in the right place here on Paul's Corner!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Love,

Grandma Mil

Thanks, Nicole, for that wonderful post. I'm with Tim on hanging it up somewhere in the house. (Ah, another project!)

Welcome, Hannah. I think I'll share your post with my sons. Maybe it will inspire them to clean the house for me. You and your brother are to be commended!

Robbee, I imagine Paul will respond to your post in some way. In the meantime, may I suggest you read back through the archives. Paul has posted some very positive and thought-provoking messages. He has offered valuable feedback and encouragement for all of us when we've needed it most. And some of us have been in some dire situations. You'll find that by being a real person, rather than an empty idol, Paul has shared
his heart and soul and we feel very appreciated.

Beyond that, we all whine every once in a while. It doesn't mean we aren't grateful for what we have. It just means we're struggling with something. Paul is in an especially difficult business. My husband is also an artist. It doesn't matter how many years you've been out there, when you have a family to provide for and the work isn't coming in, it's pretty damned scary. Paul is struggling in ways to which we can all relate and we bounce ideas off of each other. That's what friends are for.

I agree that there is much need in the world and in helping others we can often pull ourselves out of our ruts. But telling someone to stuff their feelings because you think they should put their energies elsewhere is absurd and insulting. It reminds me of the people who don't like a particular type of activism (e.g. Save-the-Whales, Save the Old Growth Forests, etc.) and in order to diminish them they accuse the activists of being shallow, foolish and selfish because the activists don't focus their time and energy on, say, funding for homeless shelters. Just because one focuses their primary efforts in one area doesn't mean they aren't involved in another. I'm sure that Paul has helped people in need on many occasions. (In fact, I remember in my initial search on the Internet, finding an article connecting Paul to a charitable organization that helps children.)

Your inclination to judge Paul harshly suggests to me that you may need to look at how you're denying your own feelings. I hope you can visit again on friendlier terms.

Diane

Momma Mil...You need to audition for the emcee position for American Movie Classics or TNT Classic movies. They don't have a woman on the show and you are a wealth of knowledge. You wouldn't even need a script. Think of the fun of it. Maybe just 1 or 2 days a week. You could be the host. And the suggestion for writing a book, is exceptional. You must have such a great insight on the changes in the industry and the ups and downs and nuances of what was in and now out and now back in. It would be a GREAT book.

Now to our new poster Robbee. Someone else recently posted a similar post. You're an American and in this country we supposedly have free speech. Well you're welcome to it. But here's my free input right back. Paul is a friend here. He simply states how he feels at the moment. He's been down and now he's going back up. I have been down for a long time and he and others on this board care about me and continue to encourage me. They could call me the classic whiner, but they don't. I'm not whining, I'm just hoping that something positive will find it's way to my door VERY SOON. Paul helps people on this board in many many different ways. And we help each other. I received a book from a friend here to read to help me focus on the positive in life. We care about each other and times have been rough lately for a lot of us. We've shared and shared alike. And you obviously haven't read previous threads. Paul was ecstatic when he was offered the part in The Full Monty. We are awaiting his final decision to accept the part. Strictly Ballroom is being aired frequently in the US right now. People are going to once again go who is that incredible dancer? Why haven't we seen more of him? Hopefully we will. If I could write the perfect script for him I would. I've written one he can participate in and well you never know.
I'm on a ton of drugs to help me deal with anxiety, depression and other issues. They don't always do the trick dude. I still fall short of being happy all the time. I have four incredibly beautiful and handsome children. But I'm probably going to have to leave them for awhile b/c of issues with my wife. Life's a bitch man. If you read this thread you will notice that we just discuss what's bothering us and how we are trying to cope. I'm coping by writing a journal. I've written a screen play and am sending it out. Still waiting on some prospective help from Paul on that, but I do have a couple of agents to try. I take tap with my sons.
Welcome to the board, but try to really get to know Paul and rest of us before you start a fire like that. It's not kind. He's not whining. He's being human. Which is so not LA. or NY. He just doesn't put on that front that so many actors and actresses feel compelled to wear.

peace and love everyone

Timbo

i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! as pete sez, the flat lizard thing...

scrolled down and see there are lotsa new names and so adding another...welcome that is!!

thanks to for the guard kats and chief rabbit catchers of the world! the world is in short supply...

later all...

Thank you all for your posts. My parents work so hard during the week and weekend is their only time 'off' so cleaning on a Saturday really isn't a huge deal...admittedly it's not ideal, hehe, but if it helps them to relax then it's worth it. I've had the perfect upbringing and I'm so grateful for it, so cleaning is the least I can do! They threw a small party for me last night whcih was lovely of them and they cooked loads of curry, yum yum, i have a lovely time. We had pink wine too! I love pink! hehe.
Anyway I hope you're all well, and thank you so much for the e-mails! *hugs*
I hope you all have a wonderful day, and I'll definitely be back later!
Love and hugs,
Hannah*
xxxxxx

BRAVO, DIANE AND TIMBO!

I couldn't have said it better...if I had said it at all it would have been in rage, and outraged Grandmas are not to be tampered with!

Robbee, (are you a male or female?), I suggest that you read all the posts in the archives...'Nuf said!

Yeah, Timbo, I could also be the host of TCM or AMC Movies..Robert Osborne gets his info from sources besides his life experiences. However, I am quite content just discussing stuff with all of my chickies, and I love you for thinking of me, Timbo!

Have a great day everyone...it's raining Freyja cats (Evelyn) and Worthy dogs (Whit) here in Florida today..."could it be the start of something big", like a hurricane??

Love,

Grandmomma Mil

Hey to the PC!
Wow what a busy weekend everyone has had here...
Nice posts.
I liked Nicole's message very much!!!!

Tim: wishing you much luck with that script! Also, I think London sounds terrific. The change could really open up possibilities in many ways, yes?

Hi bluedog! LOL...retracting the claws...just happy gentle kneading paws now... :)

Hi Whitney! Dog in! Kat In!! LOL
How was your weekend? I have been journaling at the beach...it's been gorgeous here. Sunny, gentle breezes...mmmmm lovely. Very inspirational. Had to start writing again. Perfect for it. Are you working on anything creative presently?

Hi Inn - Peace Inn baby! How r u?

Hope everyone has a super day/eve.
Hugz n beijos (kisses)to all,
Katalina

Oooo we have stormy weather coming! I can't wait, I love the rain!
How are you all? Well I hope. Hi Paul, Grandma Mil, Tim and Whitney and everyone else! *hugs*
I wondered if i was allowed to post a piece of poetry up here? It's a favourite of mine. Well I'll post it and if I'm not allowed perhaps this post will self-destruct?
"He wishes for the cloths of heaven" by W.B.Yeats

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths,
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet,
But I being poor have only my dreams,
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

I hope you like!
Love and hugs to you all!
Hanny Wanny Cutie Booty
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Lord, save me from the overly zealous.

Silence those compelled to speak harshly.

Let them dwell upon their own shortcomings before criticising others of whom they know nothing.

Amen

Hallelujah and AMEN brother Peter.
what was that script? Don't be making issues of specs in someones eyes until you get the fucking rafters out of yours? That comes from Tim's holy scriptures...Now now everyone this is not sacrilege..just expression of myself.

Good day everyone...Have a bloody blast today.

And momma mil you know you're special as ever to me. If you're content, I'm content...but you have so much to offer. Pass it along always.

love ya much (janet jackson?)

timbo

Hi folks-
I've been visiting this site for quite a while now- reading all the great postings and thinking that you all are just the bee's knees. Up until now I haven't posted because i didn't think that i had anything worthy to say but i must admit I was a bit put off by the harsh way many of you have responded to robee.

Whether you agree with her/him or not- I thought this is a place that provides a live and let live approach. Perhaps from robbee's perspective she/he sees things in ways that others do not. You are all jumping to Paul's defense, but at the same time it appears from all the postings that you know how strong Paul is- and that he would probably hate the idea of someone being ganged up upon for an unpopular opinion. It seems to me that if anyone has the right to be offended it is Paul-

Furthermore you are chastising someone for saying what they believe- just like you feel that robee shouldn't sit in judgement of Paul- perhaps we can avoid the temptation to sit in judgement of him/her. After all if you read through the whole posting it does sound as though he/she is a fan of Paul's.

Well folks there you have it- just one girl's opinion- Embrace others not because of their differences -but inspite of them!!!

hope you are all well-
Delilah

Dear Paul,
Sorry I haven't written to you in a while - but I've been busy with the war in Iraq, trying to restrain a greater outbreak of SARS and watching Korea to make sure everything stays clam.

I just got to your positing to me from last month where you explicitly told me to get fucked!! Well perhaps other- lesser Gods would show you their wrath, but I will merely say that in my infinite wisdom- I created people to make their own decisions and create their own paths to either success /happiness or misery/pain. I intrinsiclly believe in you because I am your creator. You must believe in yourself- whether you think i do or not. Faith must be unconditional for it to really be faith- whether it is in me, you or others who roam the earth.

Telling me to get fucked is just you questioning your own faith- now that couldn't feel so good - so hold on and try to weather those storms- no one said it would be easy- but in the end- when it is all said an done and you're come back home to me you will understand the reasons why your life was as it was and that is when you will finally have some clarity. Until then- Which Me willing won't be for a very long time- find your way towards happiness because it exists within.

Much love,
God

PS-if there are any spelling errors in this email please excuse my stenographer/typist Moses, he was great at leading an Exodus out of Egypt but he's a little rusty when it comes to dictation

PPS- if you want to respond- you know how to find me!!

Delilah,
You may be in error assuming that the responses to Robbee's posting are blatantly in Paul's defense.
I don't speak for Paul. I wouldn't and I can't. That's his own job.
However, it's reasonable to expect a return of serve within this forum for an offering judged as being unfair or unreasonable. Despite how it may seem, Robbee is not being personally criticised for Robbee's opinion, it's just that others may not agree with the point of view and may wish to express that.
It seems to me that in this world of political correctness, we are being asked to respect all opinions without right of reply.

Personally, (and I only speak for myself), I respect the right of every individual to his/her opinion, however I may not respect the particular opinion being expressed.
Robbee has his/her own thoughts. That's fine. Most people would probably agree with most things Robbee expresses. And if they don't, bad luck, it's still his/her right to do so.
No one can sit in judgement, but they can ALL say their bit.
I don't expect anybody to agree with me, or in any way like the things I say. We all decide for ourselves.

I'm not convinced that some of the opinions expressed here have been fair, accurate, neccessary or in any way supportive or constructive. But then, maybe it's me who has it wrong? It's only opinion.

Please don't take his harshly, personally I think that you should be commended for your noble gesture.

Peter

Delilah, I agree that everyone has a right to express themselves. Still, the agreement from the beginning is that everyone is supposed to be respectful. Robbee jumped to conclusions with little information and his/her tone was, in my opinion, hostile and disrespectful. I thought I offered a reasoned response to Robbee's accusations and assertions. He/she is welcome to respond to my post; but again, respectfully.

I also agree that Paul is perfectly capable of defending himself. But again, this site is his to express himself; not a place where he has to please other people because he's a celebrity. I thought your post was appropriate even though I disagree. I can embrace differences, but that's not the same as surpressing my own opinions.

Diane

Robbee, thank you for your post and thank you for making me laugh. I appreciate your comments. I have been thinking lately about why we as humans tend to look at the negative as much as we do - if you read through the posts you will see that you are not alone in your thoughts about my writings on this site.

Unfortunatley though you have made a few assumptions about me and this site. In some ways this site is therapy to all of us that visit it. It is also my site, it is not for my fans, I do this for me and have been very fortunate to have attracted a wonderful group of people amongst whom we share our feelings, thoughts, desires and lifes journey -this is my place to be me, to speak of what excites and inspires and also about what dissappoints and makes me angry. If you have only visited twice it would seem that your understanding of me and my views are very limited by the small amount you have read of me.

Your comments lack empathy. Why dont you introduce your self to us so we may better understand you.

Welcome to the group.

Dear Young People,

I went over the posting from that no gender Robbee, and I think that we are being too gentle with this obviously very sick person...

Here are the words used:

'Whining infant, melodramtic, self centered, cry baby, get therapy, antidepressants, piss pot, single mothers on welfare, homeless, the unemployed, the undereducated, the ill, the EVIL!"

This brave, perfect, self-righteous and conveniently anonymous person is not expressing opinion..it is just mischief and plain evil, so whoever you are...get a life and get lost!

Dear Paul-
Thank you for your most thoughtful response to my posting. You are indeed right- for better or worse I do lack empathy, or to be more specific empathy for those i perceive can help themselves. As a painter living in NYC I am constantly surrounded by temperamental artists who live in a whoa is me space. I'm speaking of amazingly talented people - dancers, visuals artist, actors you name it. Many have reached a modicum of success and many have hit the skids several times over. I have always tried to be supportive of my fellow artists- butI have little to no empathy to those who do not realize their gifts and think that they are always getting the raw end of the deal. After many years as a successful NYC painter, I decided to go back to school. Having recently completed two Masters in Art and Art Education - I am now 75% through with my Doctorate in Art and Art Education. During the day i train artists to be the best damn art teachers they can be so to better the NYC public school system. I supervise these artists in their residencies throughout some of the most depraived areas New York has to offer. Daily I am confronted with children whose mothers are on crack, whose fathers are in jail and who live in homeless shelters. These are the forgotten children. The children who would benefit most from some great form of creative expression and exploration. My heart breaks daily for these little ones who are barely functioning illiterates. So forgive me for not having the strength or compassion to support you- I see you as brilliant, talented and capable.

True -Paul this is your site but like any work of art- once you put it "out there" you are asking people for their opinions and thoughts. Well mate - this is my version of sharing and kissing and making up- and for all of you who are out there wondering -I am - as Paul might put it a Sheila.

Best regards,
robee

Ok...Paul has stated his piece. Nuf said. I vote we move on to more dramatic and intereting pieces. I love this site. I like the honesty and freedom to speak your mind. Okay so we disagree sometimes. To be expected. What is it with this stuff? Paul you are such a nice guy. You do no one any harm. You set this place up for you, obviously, but you allow us into your life to talk and communicate and be mates. I'd do anything for anyone on this board that has become my friend if I could. You all know somuch about me because you've read my posts. And I like to think I know a lot about you. We've shared moments of grief and pleasure and joy. Let's just keep the joy going shall we? Here's a subject that's always good. What are everyone's vacation plans this summer? going anywhere special? Paul? Peter? Momma Mil? Michelle? Hannah? anyone?

Oh and GOD wiggle your nose and disappear...we can't see you anyway.

All my best

Timbo

Oh and one more thing...Delilah. You are right. This is a place of free speech. In my post to the shiela I did say she was free to her post. I in turn had the right to give her a response. Like she said she put it out there, so it's there to be responded to and discussed.

Peter...I agree with you too. I don't always agree with everyone. I'm sure people don't always agree with me. I can't seem to make any right decisions these days and everytime I do something my wife jumps down my throat...so hell I give up trying to please...I just try to be honest.

Honestly...I love you guys..

Nuf said again..
Good night.

Tim

Hello,

I'm another one of the silent readers of this board and greatly admire not only Paul and his work but all the others who post here and share themselves. Robee's comments compelled me to write and to also re-read Paul's original post in this thread. I don't believe there is anyone walking on this earth who has not had the thoughts that Paul expressed. To read his words just validates for me that we all have these feelings and life is full of stuggles and joys. His words have given me strength not only his words of joy but also his fears and misgivings. Expressing frustration is healthy. It certainly doesn't mean we don't appreciate life and what we have. And, as others have said, if you read past postings you'd know Paul has great a appreciatlion for life. I came to this board because I wanted to learn more about a talented actor and found a wonderful soul. I should say many wonderful souls!

Eileen

Nice focal point - empathy: The ability to identify with and understand another person's situation.
Let's not confuse this with sympathy. Although they are far from being mutually exclusive, they are certainly not the same thing.

Empathy, empathy. This is indeed challenging. To understand a person we must know at least something about them, but how much of the person can we truly know? Often we see only one facet, one revelation, one component, one function or perhaps just a few of infinite parts that makes each of us unique.
Unfortunately it's very difficult to see the whole of the person, so we try to achieve some empathy, so that we may hopefully create something positive, perhaps even for mutual benefit.
So, ...now I see, we have to be discerning and use proper judgement in order to achieve a little empathy.
Did I get it right?

great post eileen...the second one will be a breeze!!!

got the allergy blues...the wind is blowing and the trees are blooming...arghhhhhhhhh!! rough time of year - need some empathy pete (lol)

later all

Dear Sheila (Robbee - now is it one b or two?) I agree that artists often take the victim approach - it is difficult not to fall in to that trap especially with the amount of rejection that goes along with the gig. It is hard to feel empathy with the educated ignorant (by that I mean those that choose to remain ignorant), arrogant and egotistical. Sadly to say I have probably been all three at some stages through out my life and would like to declare I am free from those afflictions - mostly :)- thats what growing is all about - get out of one bad habit and fall in to another!!

As for the compassion to support me - I do not ask that of you so you need not offer it. What we can do is share the journey, the burden, the success and the almost successes. We can support each other through dialogue, discussing the sharing of ideas and the argueing over same. And all on this site!!We can as you put it - get out there and do it! Here!

I work for several different charity's that focus on the family and children in particular. I do not do enough because I am struggling just to look after my own. I am currently choregraphing a musical for a very tough suburban highschool - very troubled kids from very hard backgrounds. A long time ago they would have been beating me up for being a ballet poofter now they laugh as I dance around the room with them - the girls love it and the tough boys more so!! It is great to see them lift up and smile, it makes me do the same.

It would be very hard to have to deal with being around very down trodden people, deprived people - we must do what we can but also it must start in our hearts and in our own homes.

I agree with you regarding me being brilliant, talented and capable but sometimes the child in me just wants to be held and kept safe from the big wide world. Importantly I acknowledge that part of me and doing so in this forum I do open myself up to others praise or criticism. I am often ask why I need to do this. I do not need to do this I want to do this. It does leave me vulnerable but that is who I am and what I am as an artist and a man. I hope through sharing my thoughts and journey I may some how nourish, nurture and support others in theirs and selfishly in doing so gain something in the exchange.

It sounds like you are making a very valuble and generous contribution and I applaude you for your caring commitment.

Thank you, Robee, for introducing yourself to us. I do appreciate the work you do and I salute you for your outreach. I know it must be very difficult to see that kind of suffering each day and I can better understand your position now. Welcome.

Welcome, Eileen. I agree with you that the thoughts and ideas expressed here — by Paul and others — strengthen and inspire. Being able to see ourselves reflected in others gives us an opportunity to pause and evaluate without judgement.

Hi, Tim. Sorry for your recent pains. Here are (((hugs))) for you.

Diane

Peter how many coffee's have you had today?

Paul,
Only one coffee. Yeh, yeh, OK.
I usually do a pretty good job of restraining myself, but sometimes I need to open the floodgates, just a little.
It's nice that you good people are so tolerant of me.
Don't forget to tell me when you're not!

I think I need to run more. That's it, I'm gone...

I believe in the whole 'Freedom of Speech' that we have here and, however, when that freedom of speech is taken advantage of and only used to offend and upset I think that is when things get out of hand.
I'm sorry if anyone is upset at the moment, I'm sending happy hugs to you all *happy hugs*.

I'm off to make a cuppa tea...anyone want one?

love and kisses,
Hannah*
xxxxxx

Argh! I actually just spilt my tea all down me! Doom! Why oh why am I so clumbsy?

xxx

Hannah, hope you watch yourself with that tea..you certainly don't need sugar...you are sweet enough!

Yes, Timbo, everyone's thinking about the summer.

Ellie and I are flying north in early June to be with our 2 daughters in Connecticut and New Jersey.

They are handling all the expenses of plane tickets, hotels and Broadway tickets for a week as their 50th anniversary present to us. It will be wonderful seeing them and our grandchildren, and catching up with the kisses and hugs!

We have tickets to see "42nd St." Everyone raves about it, and maybe I can get some ideas for my next "Follies"...in 2 years!

Timbo,we're looking forward to hearing about your show..keep tappin'!

Peace and Love,

Grandmomma Mil

Paul...You write with such great poignancy! It flows right from the heart and is so well phrased. I get great satisfaction in responding to the threads. It makes me dig deep into myself and express thoughts I didn't know I had. Regardless of you are and what you do, you articulate eloquently. Perhaps serious writing may be another path for you?

Good day to everyone in the Corner, Linda

hello everyone.
upon reading this board recently i thought this poem might be appropriate. i find that if helps me on "rainy days".
this is the beginning of a new day.
god has given me this day to use as i will.
i can waste it or use it for good.
what i do today is very immportant because i am exchanging a day of my life for it.
when tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving something in its place i have traded for it.
i want it to be
gain, not loss...
good, not evil...
success, not failure...
in order that i shall not forget the price i paid for it.

hope you like it

"momma mill"-
i read that your coming to nyc in june to see 42 st. your right- it's a great show. it's one that i work with so if i can organize for you to meet some of the cast afterwards, let me know.

hello everyone.
upon reading this board recently i thought this poem might be appropriate. i find that if helps me on "rainy days".
this is the beginning of a new day.
god has given me this day to use as i will.
i can waste it or use it for good.
what i do today is very immportant because i am exchanging a day of my life for it.
when tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving something in its place i have traded for it.
i want it to be
gain, not loss...
good, not evil...
success, not failure...
in order that i shall not forget the price i paid for it.

hope you like it

"momma mill"-
i read that your coming to nyc in june to see 42 st. your right- it's a great show. it's one that i work with so if i can organize for you to meet some of the cast afterwards, let me know.

Hi Grandma and all!
I eventually cleaned up the tea, oops, naughty me-i'm actually very naughty because i have 2 sugars in my tea! Sorry Grandma, however I do brush my teeth very well morning and night! Does that make it alright?Hehe.
Greg- I love the poem, it's lovely! Make you think about taking advantage of your time here. I'm going to try to use my days more productively, although sometimes lazy days are just what are needed. Thanks for that Greg!

Love and hugs to all,
My tummy is telling me to go eat!
Han*
xxx

The best thing to give your enemy is forgiveness;
to an opponent, tolerance;
to a friend, your heart;
to your child, a good example;
to your father, deference;
to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you;
to yourself, respect;
to all people, charity.
John Balfour

I read this today, I thought I'd share it with you.

Grandma Mil, I know you love the old movies, I watched Noel Coward's 'Brief Encounter' today with Trevor Howard & Celia Johnson 1946 B/W. Wonderful!

luv
Jean
xxx

I have been sharing your lives for several months now and decided that it is time to stop being a voyeur and just jump right on in. It's wonderful to be living in a technological age that allows people to bond in every segment in the world.

I spent my weekend reveling in SB. My 9-month old granddaughter loves to be held and danced with. I was a fan long before I found this web-site and warmed to know that Paul is a genuine person (besides being brilliant, talented and capable). I can whine with the best, but will refrain until you get to know me better. By then you will have discovered that I can be a real bitch as well!

To Tim, hoorah for strength to know it's time to move on and expand your horizons. I can relate to some of the things that are happening to you but must remark that you are a super being that still remains able to laugh at what life throws your way. You WILL find what you're looking for because you have opened yourself up to life's experiences. Just as you have to have sour to experience the sweet you must have the sh*@ to appreciate the good ... and brother, I see good coming your way in waves!

Hi to everyone. You sound like a great bunch of folks and I look forward to getting to know you.

Enjoy your day!
Barbara

Hey to the PC! Just a quick drive-by "hi"
Hugz kisses, n kix,

2 hrs of sleep and only 1 cuppa Jo...
a very wired...

:) Katalina

Greg, what a lovely invitation! I am very excited about the prospect of (1) meeting you (2) going backstage to meet the cast of "42nd St."...and to think we almost chose Baz Luhrmann's "La Boheme"!

We won't be leaving until June 2, so perhaps we can work this out. We will be going to see "42nd St". on June 4th, Wednesday matinee. Just let me know how we will meet. I believe our children have arranged for us to have dinner right after the show, and we would like you to join us..we'll talk!

Yes, Jean, "Brief Encounter" is a classic gem. The love story so beautiful in its simplicity, and then, there is the music of Rachmaninoff!

Have you ever seen "Pride and Prejudice", 1940, with Laurence Olivier and Greer Garson?

I am sending a copy to our Princess Hannah in England, who loves Jane Austen, and has named her two cats, "Liz" and "Darcy" after the characters played by Garson and Olivier.

Move over all adoptees, I have officially adopted Princess Hannah...she is a beautiful young woman, only 18, and full of positive energy, love and compassion, and she wants to be an actress or dancer.

She looks like she truly could be a real princess, but only from the grandeur of the past, and not the present house of Windsor!

Greg, "talk" to you later...we're excited, thank you!

Love, everyone,

Grandma Mil

Wow! So many new people on the Corner! Welcome to all of you.

Hannah, I have the DVD of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth. I absolutely love it.

Momma Mil, have fun in NYC! What a wonderful time to be going. You should try to see Mamma Mia as well, I think you'd love it.

Tim, as for trips I have planned, I am going to Kansas (where I grew up) next month to see my parents and sibs. Everyone still lives there except for one of my brothers and myself. I am one of six kids. The oldest is 55 with grandkids of her own and my youngest brother is 37 with kids the same age and younger than our sister's grandchildren. Throw into the mix the fact that I have brothers who are identical twins that married sisters and you get a little taste of the wackiness that is my family. My Dad will be celebrating his 80th birthday, and we're all going to be there to show him how much we love him. My parents still live in the house I grew up in. My bedroom still has the lovely purple/lavender shag carpet from when I was a teenager. It's like going back to Mayberry.

Well, the baby rabbits have left the nest. I hope that means they went voluntarily.

Love to you all,

Michelle in Chicago (where the crabapple trees are blooming.)

Hi Michelle! I too have the Colin Firth version which i LOVE and I'm very excited to watch the MGM version!

Thank you for adopting me Grandma Mil! *hugs* I love you muchly!

Love and hugs to you all, I must go to bed, I'm a sleepy bunny. *yawn*

Enjoy the rest of you're day everyone!

Love and hugs,
Princess Han*
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Wow, what a dialog going on here.

It's weird how you happen upon things sometimes. I stayed off work today just to have a bit of time to myself and I come across Strictly on cable. I remember now why I loved the movie so much. My curiosity piqued, I google Paul Mercurio and stumble on this site.

I seem to be having one of those "introspective" days today. Just when you think you are the only one in the world questioning what goes on and why you fight so hard just to do your thing day to day, I find that you all have pretty much the same hopes and fears I do. I don't have much to add to your discussion but I just wanted to say thanks for being open enough to post what seems like genuine thoughts and feelings.

I feel as though I've come across something authentic, and that's all too rare these days.

Cheers,
Lisa (in LA)

Welcome to all the Newbies!!! It is great to hear from you all - someof you long time readers and some of you first time! Please contribute as you see fit.

I forgot to respond to God - my appologies and I do hope that doesnt affect my chances of getting into... you know.. Thanks for your response and I know you have been busy. I will not get into my thoughts on the whole subject - I mean who am I to question you but really I do think you could be doing things a little differently! Now if I was god I would..... oops got carried away with that one. Anyway thanks for taking time out of your schedule to respond but what about that cheescake recipe I have been asking for?? You forgot to give me that! I geuss I will just have to keep pestering you till you remember. Anyway thanks and talk again soon.

I'm off to work - ARGHARGHARGHARGH - I like to work but not like this. Anyway smiles all round - find the joy in each moment.

Men, you guys have a great sense of humour about yourself. I'll try to find it in my most recent "accident" Ran into my desk yesterday, knocked my delicious beer bottle (half full) over and naturally, I drenched my laptop which is more or less dead now. It still works some, but not the stuff that I need to do ... graduation present is taking on a whole new meaning ??? Definitely don't have the money to buy one right now, but need it desperately to make the last minute editing changes etc. I'll laugh about it soon, but not quite yet. But now I'm going to happily race to the airport to pick up Mum. Perhaps she can straighten me out??? I'm in the mood for some nurturing from Mum, she is after all a counsellor for people with emotional issues and I have some ... :-) 2 1/2 weeks of celebrating ahead of me & Mum, just seeing each other after almost a year, her 65th BD (yeah a good one, it's been years since I spent her BD with her) me finishing up etc. etc. I'm ecxcited!!! I'll stop by when I can ... Be well, happy, and all the other good stuff.

Hi everyone:

Okay, so now I've spent most of my day going back and reading most of the posts from the entire run of PC. Truth is nothing if not compelling. What a strange day it's been, peeking into all of your lives. I feel as though I've stumbled into a little corner (pardon the pun) of the world where you've all put yourselves out there. Whether you all know it or not, you've helped me step outside myself a bit today and I think it was just what I needed. I'd been feeling pushed around by life lately; rather like leaf, scuttling down the walk.

It's been interesting and a little humbling to read all the posts. I'll leave by throwing my bit 'o wisdom for the day:

"Even cowards can endure hardship; only the brave can endure suspense." (Mignon McLaughlin)

I'm REALLY bad at the "not knowing" part of life, but I'm working on it.

Good thoughts to you all from the hell that is Los Angeles ;-)

Lisa

Welcome, newcomers!

Greg and Jean, thanks for the poems. I've copied them over to my wordprocessing program for printing and framing. If I stick with the site, I may be able to make wallpaper from all of the great words that have been shared here.

Lisa, I live in the north L.A. County area. I'm not happy with some of the goings on here either. There are more L.A. folks who visit here, as well. Stay tuned.

Evelyn, again, I wish you a fabulous visit with you mum and a quick remedy to your computer disaster.

Michelle (the "Bunny Whisperer") and Mama Mill (Elliott, as well), I wish you safe and happy trips. I miss NY, and I wish I could participate in such a wonderful family reunion. My inlaws arrive tomorrow for a brief visit, but other than that, we're looking at a quiet stay-at-home kind of summer. Can't afford anything else right now. Ah, well.

Love and hugs to all.

Diane

Dear Paul,
Consider the following an olive branch- God asked me if I would send it along. I think that there is a lot I can learn from you and some of the people in this corner- a humbling experience indeed. In honour of NYC and OZ I have posted two recipes- you choose.
Cheers and beers,
robee the sheila
New York Cheesecake

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 16 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Cheesecakes

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
-----ZWEIBACK CRUST-----
1 1/4 cups Crushed Zweiback crumbs
3 tablespoons Melted butter
1 tablespoon Sugar
-----CAKE-----
2 pounds Cream cheese
1 1/3 cups Sugar
4 Eggs
2 tablespoons All-purpose flour
2 teaspoons Grated lemon zest
1/3 cup Heavy cream

Crust: In a bowl, mix together the crumbs, butter, and sugar
and press into the bottom and partly up the sides of a 9 or 10
inch springform pan.
Bake in a preheated 325F for 8 minutes or until lightly browned.
Let cool.

Cake: In a mixer, combine the cheese and sugar until blended.
Add eggs and blend untik smooth. Mix in flour, lemon zest, and
cream. Pour into crust lined pan. Bake in a preheated 400F oven
for 10 minutes; reduce temperature to 250F and continue baking
35 to 40 minutes longer or until just barely set. Turn off the
oven, leave the door ajar, and let cool in the oven for 1 hour
longer. Chill. To serve, remove pan sides and cut into wedges.

Australian Cheesecake

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 10 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Fruits Cheesecakes

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
-----CRUST-----
1 1/2 cups Graham Cracker Crumbs
6 tablespoons Butter; Melted -- *
1/4 cup Sugar -- Granulated
-----CHEESECAKE-----
1 pound Cream Cheese
1/2 cup Sugar -- Granulated
3 each Eggs; Large -- Separated
1/4 cup Unbleached Flour
1 teaspoon Lemon Rind -- Grated
2 teaspoons Lemon Juice
1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1/2 cup Heavy Cream
2 tablespoons Passion Fruit -- **

* Use sweet cream butter and DO NOT substitute margarine.
** Make the passion fruit pulp from fresh passion fruits or substitute
your favorite jam, or it can be left plain.
NOTE: Prebaked crusts are much crisper than the chilled ones
and this can be important if you want a crisp crust.

CRUST:

If you are prebaking the shell, preheat the oven to 350 degrees
F. Place the crumbs in a mixing bowl and add the butter and
sugar blending well.
Press the crumb mixture into the bottom and up the sides of an
8-inch springform pan. Smooth the mixture to form an even layer
on the bottom and sides. Bake the crust in the oven for 10 minutes
and let cool to room temperature before filling.

NOTE: This crust can be chilled for 5 to 10 minutes in the freezer
until it is set but is not recommended in this recipe.

CHEESECAKE:

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F. In a large mixing bowl, beat
the cream cheese and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg
yolks, one at a time, beating well after each. Beat in the flour,
lemon rind, lemon juice, and vanilla until just mixed. Whip
the cream until stiff in a medium mixing bowl. Set aside. In
another mixing bowl, beat the egg whites until they form stiff
peaks, then fold them into the cheese mixture. Fold in the reserved
whipped cream. Stir in the passion fruit pulp then pour the
mixture into the prepared crust and bake fro 45 minutes to 1
hour. Cool, in the oven, to room temperature, then chill.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Paul,
Consider the following an olive branch- God asked me if I would send it along. I think that there is a lot I can learn from you and some of the people in this corner- a humbling experience indeed. In honour of NYC and OZ I have posted two recipes- you choose.
Cheers and beers,
robee the sheila
New York Cheesecake

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 16 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Cheesecakes

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
-----ZWEIBACK CRUST-----
1 1/4 cups Crushed Zweiback crumbs
3 tablespoons Melted butter
1 tablespoon Sugar
-----CAKE-----
2 pounds Cream cheese
1 1/3 cups Sugar
4 Eggs
2 tablespoons All-purpose flour
2 teaspoons Grated lemon zest
1/3 cup Heavy cream

Crust: In a bowl, mix together the crumbs, butter, and sugar
and press into the bottom and partly up the sides of a 9 or 10
inch springform pan.
Bake in a preheated 325F for 8 minutes or until lightly browned.
Let cool.

Cake: In a mixer, combine the cheese and sugar until blended.
Add eggs and blend untik smooth. Mix in flour, lemon zest, and
cream. Pour into crust lined pan. Bake in a preheated 400F oven
for 10 minutes; reduce temperature to 250F and continue baking
35 to 40 minutes longer or until just barely set. Turn off the
oven, leave the door ajar, and let cool in the oven for 1 hour
longer. Chill. To serve, remove pan sides and cut into wedges.

Australian Cheesecake

Recipe By :
Serving Size : 10 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Fruits Cheesecakes

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
-----CRUST-----
1 1/2 cups Graham Cracker Crumbs
6 tablespoons Butter; Melted -- *
1/4 cup Sugar -- Granulated
-----CHEESECAKE-----
1 pound Cream Cheese
1/2 cup Sugar -- Granulated
3 each Eggs; Large -- Separated
1/4 cup Unbleached Flour
1 teaspoon Lemon Rind -- Grated
2 teaspoons Lemon Juice
1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1/2 cup Heavy Cream
2 tablespoons Passion Fruit -- **

* Use sweet cream butter and DO NOT substitute margarine.
** Make the passion fruit pulp from fresh passion fruits or substitute
your favorite jam, or it can be left plain.
NOTE: Prebaked crusts are much crisper than the chilled ones
and this can be important if you want a crisp crust.

CRUST:

If you are prebaking the shell, preheat the oven to 350 degrees
F. Place the crumbs in a mixing bowl and add the butter and
sugar blending well.
Press the crumb mixture into the bottom and up the sides of an
8-inch springform pan. Smooth the mixture to form an even layer
on the bottom and sides. Bake the crust in the oven for 10 minutes
and let cool to room temperature before filling.

NOTE: This crust can be chilled for 5 to 10 minutes in the freezer
until it is set but is not recommended in this recipe.

CHEESECAKE:

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F. In a large mixing bowl, beat
the cream cheese and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg
yolks, one at a time, beating well after each. Beat in the flour,
lemon rind, lemon juice, and vanilla until just mixed. Whip
the cream until stiff in a medium mixing bowl. Set aside. In
another mixing bowl, beat the egg whites until they form stiff
peaks, then fold them into the cheese mixture. Fold in the reserved
whipped cream. Stir in the passion fruit pulp then pour the
mixture into the prepared crust and bake fro 45 minutes to 1
hour. Cool, in the oven, to room temperature, then chill.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Welcome to all of the new people here!

Well, I haven't posted in a few days. I was trying to enjoy my Spring break. Today I went back to school.:(I did not realize that people could be so cruel. Today absolutely sucked. I've never been made fun of before. Well, for some reason, it was the day to pick on the tall girl. Geesh, it's not like I can pick whether or not I want to be tall. Even though it made me extremely angry today, I also took it as a learning experience. Now I know how so many other kids feel when kids are constantly making fun of them. I always wanted to take a stand for those kids, but never had the courage. Now I am compelled to do so. Why do people make fun of others? It is not beneficial to them. Maybe it takes doubt and uncertainty away from the teaser because they are not secure with themselves.

My friend's mom feels sorry for me. That made me pretty mad. I don't understand why someone would feel sorry for me. I have so many things to be thankful for. She shouldn't be feeling sorry for me when there are others in this world that need so much help. I may have some bad times, but I am still thankful. Everyone goes through the bad times.

Tim...My family and I are going to drive to Washington D.C. Then we will go to Virginia. We're driving down to Florida along the coast. That's the June vacation. Another one of our vacations is Branson, Missouri. I've been there a few times before. We never fly.:(A few years ago, I had to sit in the car for more than three days to get to Las Vegas, and then California. Anyways, we are also planning to go on weekend camping trips. We usually have a week long camping trip also. It's pretty nice because we have a motorhome. I love to fish even though I don't eat fish. Someone broke into our motorhome a little while ago. Luckily, they didn't take anything.

I think I'm talking very randomly today. I'm just pretty pissed off. I'm going to go relax and listen to some music to calm me down. Adios.:)

Best Wishes from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Wow...welcome to all the new posters. Okay you LA's. I love it out there. I'd move back to Southern California in a nano second. But that's certainly nor forthcoming...looks like I'm going across the Atlantic instead.

Anyhoo...Momma Mil..you just keep making all those great new friends and getting into some really great places. See that's what makes you special and you know the powers to be are looking out for you. Fulfillment in life is yours. You go girl.

Had a good day today. Thought I'd share that.

Love you all...take care

Timbo

Jenny, you know it is funny that often something we have been thinking about, talking to friends about or just plain contemplating, rises up out of the blue and confronts us - slaps us in the face in fact. It does so because it is offering us the opportunity to deal with how we feel about it after thinking about it. It is a great learning and growing experience - perhaps not wanted right at that moment but an opportunity none the less.

I wish you luck with the lessons! And just to let you know this happens to me on a weekly basis.

Robee - thanks for the recipe's - baked cheese cake is my most favorite cake and one I often make. I use philly cream cheese and sour cream...YUM! I look for the recipe and post it in the recipe section - which by the way I have added some stuff to.

Now what are - ZWEIBACK crumbs? A type of biscuit I geuss but not one I am familiar with in AUS.

Tim glad to hear you had a good day!

ummm the olive branch with cheesecake - god i'm in love, with cheesecake that is - my best friend and worst enemy!!

so jenny, 6 foot what - i'll be looking for you to grace some fancy magazine cover one of these days...truly sorry about your rotten day at school, would me telling you that i think your peers are a little intimated and/or maybe a little jealous of you help? keep the head up, keep the backbone straight and ignore the little shits...

and granny mil and greg - can it get any better? i'm absolutely loving the connections being made at this site... timmer, it's no telling what the granny mil with her faithful elliott will end up doing - they just thought they were retired!!!

and evie (lol) murphy's law for sure - it's great though your mother is here to visit...enjoy of course...

outta here for the night...

Paul,
Zweiback (pronounced sveebuck) are a german dry crust type biscuit, slightly sweet and very crunchy.
They are like a larger, sweeter version of "mini toasts".
You can get them from the deli.

Peter, thank you for the info, I will look for them. I often use butternut snaps for the biscuit crust in my cheese cake - yum. Do you make a cheesecake?

I actually forgot to point out that our great waster of beer has been at it again! First of all she left some and now she's spilling it!!

Oh Evelyn!:) Sorry bout you puter. What was the beer? From my professional experiences working in a notebook store with a service department - if you spilled heaps right in to the computer then you have probably fried the mother board. You can buy another one - not cheap - but the rest of the computer might still work. I would recommend getting the notebook to a service centre so they can take the hard drive out and save any info on it before it siezes up. Hope you do regular back ups. God I cant believe I am doing a notebook consult on the corner ARGH I've got to get outta here. If the computer wasnt on at the time then perhaps you havent fried anything As long as you havent attempted to turn it on again and a incredibly good clean of all the componenets might be all thats needed. I hope thats the case. The longer you leave it the more chance that wonderful amber fluid will begin to eat away your wiring and components. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, the lesson here is to not waste your beer.

Congrats to Bluedog for posting the longest post she ever has! Luv your posts!

Paul,
I forgot to mention: Zweiback have been around for yonks. My (adopted) mum's German. She used to feed them to me when when I was just a young pup.

No, sadly I don't make a cheesecake. I love it, but try to avoid it. Too many calories and I'm busting my arse trying to lose weight. It's not easy for me. There are other factors.
Today I managed to run 7km, the longest in several years. It's damn hard when you're carrying an extra 22kg's, especially up the hills in the Highlands. Sonia says I'm a wimp, but I'd like to see her do it.
OK, winge over.

I do make a pretty mean beef & bean chilie. It goes good with a light beer (and not-so-light beers). Muchos grande.

Good morning Paul and all!

I'm all hungry for cheesecake now and it's only 8:12am!

Evelyn- I'm sorry about you're pooter :( Bit of a bugger aint it. But I'm glad you're getting to spend time with your mum on her BD! Best wishes to her!

Lisa- I'm with you on the suspense quote. I too am rubbish with not knowing...especially in scary films...i just have to know what's going to jump out and when. Hehe.

Paul- I want Cheesecake, now! Hehe.

Jenny- The people at your school pick on people they have something to be jealous about. Your height...Height is wonderful! I'm sure you're a beautiful girl. When I was at school, i was picked on for the colour of my hair (i'm a red head)-and now I'm a little older, I understand just how pathetic those people are. *hugs*

Tim- Hope you're well hun, is you're neck feeling better?

Grandma Mil- Love you Grandma! I'm going to go write you an e-mail now. :)

I hope you all enjoy your day, and I'll be back later! :)

Love and hugs,
Hannah Banana (aka Banana Woman)
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh and Peter...you live in the highlands? The Highlands where? Last weekend I went to the Scottish Highlands, it was gorgeous...hope you're well!

Han*
xxx

Hannah,
I hope you're well also.
I bet the Scottish Highlands was incredible. Lucky you.
I live in the Highlands region of New South Wales, Australia (not even close to Scotland).

Coincidentally, there was a huge (and I say HUGE) Scottish event on at a nearby town a couple of weekends ago, at a place called Bundanoon.
The weekend is called the "Brigadoon" weekend.
All the Scotts travel from afar to wear tartan, say words like "Och laddie", toss their cabers and blow their bagpipes (not at the same time), lift big round stones and eat haggas (blechh!) & shortbread (better). What else would you want to do on a weekend?

Hannah, by the way, why "Banana Woman".
Gosh, I hope it's safe to ask.

hehe, Banana woman...I don't really know, just a nickname I have...Hannah Banana, sorta fits, and remember Banana Man... "When Eric eats a Banana, he becomes....BANANA MAN!!!" I thought it'd be kinda cool...hehehe. Maybe not.
The Scottish event sounds marvellous! I'm still laughing at 'Och Laddie' so funny. :)

I have to get dressed now, but have a lovely day and speak soon!

Love and hugs,
Hannah*
xxxxxx

Timbo, I am convinced that the Powers That Be are looking out for me...for now!

The other day, I went to our shopping center to get a haircut. Ellie stayed home.

After the haircut I appproached my car, lost my balance on the curb near the car, and crashed to the ground, landing on my back! This is Florida, and the ground was grassy, and spongy, thank God!

I determined that I was all right, but I couldn't
get up! I felt like a freakin' bug stuck on its back! (Just imagine that!)

A man saw my predicament, ran over and tried to help me up, but with my arthritic knees I could not help him much..then, a woman came over to help HIM, and together they pulled me to a sitting position, grabbed me under my arms, and hoisted me to my feet! I seemed to be okay... I kissed them both for rescuing me, and I drove home!

Lucky, lucky me..any fall for a senior could be potentially dangerous, even fatal, (like Dr. Atkins.)

A friend of mine fell, broke her shoulder, and is out of action for 9 weeks! She can't drive, can't use the arm for anything. I've come to the conclusion that being well padded here and there can be a blessing in disguise...okay, Whit, I'm still going to the gym, dieting, trying to get some weight off!

Bluedog, I agree with Paul about enjoying your posts. Retired? Us??? Well, let me say this..we're doing what we love..finally!

Ellie complains that the time since we first retired 12 years ago has gone by too fast! (You know the old adage, that "time flies when you're having a good time" but I used to use that when I was working, and had a bad day!)

Zweibach, Paul, Peter? Used to give it to our kids when they were mere babies..it was a pain reliever when they were teething! Chew on it, and all problems go away!

Barbara in N/C: You're the only other grandma, besides me, on PC, so welcome! I'm a whole "bit" older, however, with 12 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren, but they all know of my love for "Strictly Ballroom", and I made sure that each household has the video..keep dancing with your wonderful grandchild!

Jenny: You mentioned that you and your family will be coming down the coast of Florida. If it is the east coast, we live near the Deerfield Beach area. However, I have the feeling that you are headed for Disneyworld, which is far north from us. Please let me know!

Have a good one, everyone.

Peace and love,

Grandmomma Mil

Geez guys all these recipes and all I do is eat you know like peanut butter and preserve sandwichs for lunch and nothing so special for dinner and still look like the goodyear blimp. The real challenge is on...I have four weeks before THE day...how much can Timmer lose before then???ARGH And my nephew is getting married this weekend. Foolish, Foolish 19 year old. He's a member of my wife's religion and they supposedly have not had sex yet. And I actually believe him. I pulled him aside and said look dude this is some advice from your old liberal uncle, just go get laid (a lot) and grow up some and then think about getting married. I shudder to think if I had married the girl I was with at 19. I know I'd be on my second marriage.And after this one there sure won't be another. Back to the eating issue though. You know weddings, they always have all this gooey cake and shit and it's always worthless calories, rarely worth the increase in fat cells.

Thanks Hannah the neck is doing much better. I will have to wear this brace for about two weeks. I've gotten used to it. Did you see 16 candles? I feel like Joan Cusack in that movie. She was hysterical dancing on the dance floor with her head held upright and back and then trying to get water at the fountain? Speaking of Joan..I just lover her. She's managed to keep popping up in movies here and there. A good character actor/tress seems to do pretty well. I think that's what I'd want to be if I were in acting. I'm not a looker so I could never carry a film, but I could be a sensational side kick. There have been so many posts coming from the other site about how to buy Exit it to Eden. So last night I thought what the hell...I'll watch that one again. I still like it. Paul mentioned you danced naked once in a ballet? You must clearly be completely uninhibited how great is that. Even when I was in somewhat good form I would be slow to take off my shirt at the pool. And a weenie wrap would just be out of the question. And now, hey I just hide in these size 3XX shirts that blow in the breeze. I always envied people that were comfortablein their skin. An admirable quality it says a lot about a person. So The Full Monty should be a breeze. (if not literally : ))
Are you free to discuss that yet mate???? I guess you'll tell us in due time.

The computers hate coffee, tea, soda, beer anything that we like to drink they take quite an offense to.

Speaking of I need some serious java. Up til 2 last night watching Mr. Paul do his thing, now it's 5:30am and I'm up already and definitely going to need a strong does of java.

If I go to London Hannah I may need to use your computer. I want be taking anything with me except my illustrious tents by Omar the tent maker. Or maybe Jean? I had to have a UK contact for my work permit. It just so happens I've been working with a girl whose parents are from the UK. They have a home in Tunbridge (sp) SE of London. They also have a McMansion here in Atlanta. McMansion...definition homes in excess of 6000sf in gated neighborhoods with a zillion codes and requirements all set on lots that are barely large enough tohold the house. The houses are close enough to borrow soap through the windows of the kitchens if they're on the same corner. But all that grandeur will cost you starting in 700's+. Anyway my friends mother was gracious enough to let me use her as a UK contact with her home there. I'm still waiting for one of my letters of rec. This guy is so slow about doing anything other than working out and trying to remember who he shagged last. His wife or one of his girlfriends.

Well off to the races....Did I make the 200th post????????

peace and love

Timbo

Millie...So glad you are OK. Take extra of your sweet self. You are so dear to us all! Linda

Tim- You'd be very very welcome to use my computer if you come to the UK, but where I live is 200 miles away from London...lol! All the way in sunny Manchester.
Grandma Mil- I hope you're ok! You got me worried now! *hugs*

I gotta go make some lunch for my mum, speak to you all soon! oooo 203 posts hey! Whey!

Hanny Wanny Cutie Booty
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You guys are making me hungry with all this cheesecake /Zwieback stuff....oh dear!

Hi to the PC!

Momma: ooh i'm very glad you're okay. jeesh! That fall didn't sound good! Hugz to you.

Peter: I'm a closet Brigadoon watcher (my tape's almost worn out!) Huuuuge Gene Kelly fan! "Go Home, Go Home, Go Home with Bonnie Jean..." lalalalalal

Sunny smiles to all from Latteland,
& Many Hugz from Katalina

Timbo, it's almost noon here in Florida, Ellie is eating his lunch, all our buddies in Australia are sleeping, or whatever, the working gals and guys are working here in the states, and maybe
it's only Hanny Wanny Cutie Booty and me who are getting weak with laughter, reading your recent post! Wait until everyone has a chance to read it..priceless!

My love, you are funnnnnnny! You could do standup comedy, and it would be all true!

Linda, I'm fine, thank you. I was very fortunate. My bones must be strong (they certainly are well padded) and I can thank my dear mother for that.

When we were kids we were ordered to drink a large glass of milk upon getting home from school.
That was before skim milk was invented! Anyway, my mother's intuition was correct, although we held our noses while drinking! All that calcium must have made me strong!!!

Until later,

Love,

Grandmomma Mil

Good Morning from Gloccamorrah! Actually it's Arkansas. Oh. Well.
When asked about our summer vaca plans-we hope to head west around the first week of July to camp and explore. However, vacation plans are somewhat up in the air due to the situation with Grandpa! And that other thing about my DH wanting to change jobs......
At rehearsal I keep telling them that I've got "no body flight" and that it's hard to "scamper" in walking shoes. The director said to switch to my character shoes. And of course I'm making all these references to the "try-out sequence" of SB, chuckling to myself all the while
Jenny, I'm sorry that your day at school was e--stinko. We are telling out daughter that they will find something to pick on everyone for. She will be going to middle school and I am getting nervous..... But it sounds as if you are quite capable of handling it. And we all have days when it hits us badly. But the thing that I get the most pissed about is the little snips that pick on someone for a physical thing. It's really beyond low. As I may have told you all, my child has some scarring from birthmark surgeries, which the doc will be taking care of, but I don't relish the day that someone takes a shot at her about a scar. (The term "ripping a new one" comes to mind, and since I'm a mom...)

Millie, last week as I was walking out of a restaurant, a little man came in, with his walker, and said, "can you help???? My wife just fell. There she was with her canes sitting on the curb. We got her up, in a chair, and she didn't think she was hurt, but the owner of the restaurant called the ambulance. I'm glad that there are still some good samaritans around.

Tim, your plans for your trip are sounding more firm all the time and i loved the advice to your nephew. i wish you could come do my hair!

Thank you and my butt thanks you for the cheesecake receipes. i've only made fake cheesecake, but I now have a springform pan, so I can learn how to make the real thing

Paul, you could troubleshoot my computer any time. It may have cookie crumbs in it.

Momma Mil..
How unthoughtful of me, I forgot to address your fall. Geez I am glad you are doing well. You are so right falls when you are well shall we say a little older are not a good thing. Hell they aren't good at my age either. I'm still suffering from that fall I took about month ago and hurt my toe. It hurts like hell when I do my "jump over" tap step, but by god, I CAN do it and I'm GOING to because it looks outstanding. I can wrap my feet in ice when I get home.
I'm glad you're ok. You watch yourself. Momma Mil has a special place on this board for the next 100 years you know.
Thanks Hannah banana...200 miles. That would be a large taxi fare. I won't have a car I'll have to rely on the "tube." Isn't that what they call it? Every city has their name, NYC the subway, Atlanta..MARTA
Hey Paul...this thread has surpassed the 200 mark..Not to bitch or anything, but it takes my ice age computer too long to pull up now. So if you've got five seconds just post a new thread called DITTO : )

At least we can keep yakking faster.

Time to see what kinds of trouble I can get into now.

Later guys

peace and love always

The Timmer ( I keep changing names...you think I should ask my psych about that????)

lol

Tim...don't be silly, why on earth would you use a taxi when I have faerie dust? *sigh* I will gladly lend you some, but it involves growing a pair of pretty wings and earing plenty of pink...is that ok?

Love and hugs,
Han*
xxx

oops, sorry, i meant *wearing* not earing. :)

Katalina, "Brigadoon" is probably the only MGM musical I dislike! The only redeeming part was the dance with Gene Kelly and Cyd Charisse to "Heather on The Hill".

I really do not like fantasy, especially in musicals..give me reality, where everyone starts to sing and dance on a whim! Teehee

Mary Ellen, good for you to help those seniors! I found good samaritans that helped me also. I was thinking, that if no one had come to my aid, I would have whipped out my cell phone from my bag and called 911! However, I was very visible, for I was in a shopping center.

I wish your daughter a happy school year! Every child deserves it! (I am a retired teacher.)

Love,

Grandma Mil

Hey everyone.
Momma Mil...I don't think we are going that far south. I do know we are going to Orlando, but we tend to go to other places in Florida as well. My grandparents live in Fruitland Park, which is in Ocala. That's pretty close to Orlando. Then we usually go to Daytona Beach, which is still really far from where you live. I've been to Miami before, so we probably had to pass through your area. Well, I'll ask my mom some other time where exactly we are going in Florida. Anyways, I'm just rambling on about nothing. I'm glad you didn't get hurt from your fall. My grandmother hasn't been so lucky. She broke one hip when I was young because I accidentally rode into her with my tricycle. You do not realize how bad I felt. I ran and hid under the table the rest of the day. She broke her other hip another time from falling. A couple of years ago while I was in Las Vegas with my family, she broke a hip again. She was getting her hair done, and she tripped over the carpet while walking. I guess she didn't drink enough calcium to keep her bones strong. What really sucks is that everytime she breaks a hip, it affects how she acts. Her Alzheimer's progresses quickly when she is in the hospital. Hopefully she won't break a hip again.

Hm...I don't have much else to say. I'm just really bored. Oh well. I don't regret anything that I have done in my life. Okay then.:/I hope everyone has a great day. Bye!

Love from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Momma: I have to agree with you on that score...hence the "closet" Brigadoon watcher.
Yes, my favorite scenes were Cyd Charisse and Gene Kelly's dance scenes. You guessed it! That's mainly what I watch it for.

In terms of other musicals I prefer...I always am a big sucker for the Fred n Ginger films or the old is it Esther Williams? - the synchronized swimmer? My grandparents always loved them and I was practically raised by them, so..I loved them too.

Music on for today: TRANCE - Rhythms for Health (c)2000 NorthSound Music group, Inc.

Hugz to all today.
Needing desperately a second cup of Java.
ok and craving a hug or two..it's been a hard day...*sigh*

Katalina

*Hugs* to Katalina! Put your feet up hun, have a rest!

I'm going to see Shakespeares 'Measure for Measure' on Thursday. We're travelling to Stratford Upon Avon to see The Royal Shakespeare Company perform it. I'm so excited. Has anyone here every read/seen the play? I really enjoyed reading it so I can't wait to see it.

Any pieces of theatre anyone here has especially enjoyed?? I would love to know...:)

Have a lovely day to all of you,
Han*
xxx

thanks Han! yer sweet.

I enjoy As You Like It, The Taming of the Shrew,
A Midsummer Night's Dream, Much Ado About Nothing and Hamlet, Macbeth, King Lear
- just a few..

Katalina

Mamma Mil, sorry about your fall. Yes, padding does come in handy, doesn't it?

I called a senior friend of mine in Ft. Lauderdale last night to say hello. When he didn't answer, I called the woman who comes in to clean his house. My friend had fallen and is in the hospital. I can't reach him directly, so I've got to call this lady back tonight to find out how he's doing. For some reason, he didn't have his MedAlert bracelet on. It's very frustrating being so far away from a friend in need.

Hannah Banana, you'll love Measure for Measure. I'm not as familiar with that play as my husband is. He did two different productions. We took our boys to see a production of The Tempest at Stratford in 1998. The Royal Shakespeare Company was in fine form. I'm with Katalina on the other Shakespeare selections. Read his sonnets, too!

Peter, you do have your work cut out for you running in the Highlands. So, I'll congratulate you for your strenuous efforts! It must be lovely there about now.

Jenny, I agree with Bluedog. You tall girls are the stuff of million-dollar modelling. I love to look at the beautiful clothes they model; but, dang it, I'm too short to wear them. People do pick on others when they're insecure. So pity the poor creatures and don't let them get under your skin. Sorry about your grandma's ailments.

Timmer, Timbo, Timmeramaville... You can be whatever you want. You can call yourself anything you want. Just be good to your sweet, funny self!!!

Loves yas.

Diane

Hey thanks guys..

You know I posted this morning at 5:30 b/c I got up at 5. Wanna know why? We had one of them there earthquakes here in Atlaner. The epicenter was actually in NE Alabama. This is BIG news in the SE...ya know. Only those crazy Californi people have those. Yea right like when you live there you conjure one up in your wok. OK so the reporter is on site asking how did it feel? What the hell do think it felt like? Duh? There's an old song..you make the earth move under my feet. Anyway Miss Alabama is like I felt like I was in the middle of jello. Then there was "Gracious it was just shakin and I thought a tree had hit the trailer." Try as I may through diction classes and living out of the south for a period of time. I'm just an old Southern boy. so I guess I have to sign off like one.

Yall come back now ya here.

Here's some sugar for all of ya and a big hug.

Robert Tim (you know we always have two names)

When an aunt of caregiver was mad...ROBERT TIM..YOU COME HERE BOY.

Hannah if you've got a potion that I can wear in earring form that's cool I have three holes.

Later yall

Hmm, Paul, I seem to have picked up a reputation I'd rather not have, oh well... tempted now to prove you wrong that I don't really/normally waste any beer, not sure how to do that though, i.e. the non-wasting of beer. And the beer I "christened" my laptop with was a Maibock from Summit, the local brewery in the Twin Cities (I think).Desk has been declared a beverage free zone!!! wouldn't want anything to happen to the laptop I'm currently borrowing from the university or a repeat performance on mine. Mine has miraculously survived (for now) and is improving and all the worst case scenary you described were in place, but having learned how to take a computer apart once, I pulled the keyboard out and absorbed most of the liquid before it got too far down. Will keep hoping for the best and sending positive vibes to my own computer. Grin! Still feeling like a complete dork! and thanks for your feedback/advice. Wasn't my intention to make you "work" on your own Corner, but much appreciated nonetheless.

On the cheese cake recipes, I have to throw in the German cheese cake recipe one with and one without the crust. Kind of translated it quickly, so if it's a bit off, sorry.

German Cheesecake (1. without a crust, 2. with a crust)

1. Cheesecake without a crust

Ingredients are for a 28 cm diameter spring form

6 eggs
125 g softened butter
250 g sugar
750 g low fat Quark [In the US you can find it in specialty cheese stores under the German name Quark, in the UK I found it as curd (cheese) in larger supermarkets]
500 g Mascarpone (can be replaced with cream cheese)
1 pack. Vanilla pudding
2 heaped tbs. cornstarch

Preparation: 20 minutes, baking time: 1 1/2 hours

Separate the yolks and egg whites. Beat the butter and the sugar until creamy and the sugar no longer crunches. Slowly add one egg yolk at a time. Then blend in the Quark/curds, the Mascarpone and the vanilla pudding. Whip the egg whites with the cornstarch until they stiffened and blend into the Quark-mixture. Pre-heat your oven to 180 C. Grease your baking form with some butter and then cover with breadcrumbs (or flour). Fill in the Quark-mixture and smooth it in the pan and bake for 1 hour and 30 minutes until golden brown. Let it cool in the pan.

2. Cheesecake with a crust

Ingredients for a 28 cm diameter spring form

For the crust:
200g plain flour
1 pinch of baking powder
100 g sugar
1 tbs. vanilla sugar
1 egg yolk
100g butter

For the filling:
500g low fat Quark
3 eggs
1 egg white
100 g butter
150 g sugar
1/2 lemon
150g Crème fraîche
50g cornstarch
500g strawberries
1 pack. Red glaze (or use red fruit juice and thicken with some starch)
1/8 l heavy whipping cream
1 tbs. vanilla sugar

Preparation: 1 hour, baking time: 1 1/4 hours, finishing time: 20 minutes

Knead a smooth dough out of all the crust ingredients and put into the fridge for an hour or longer.
Separate the eggs. Cream the butter and the sugar and then add the egg yolks, one at a time. Grind the lemon rind into the mixture and squeeze the juice and add as well. Blend in the Quark and the Crème fraîche. Whip the egg whites until they stiffened and blend into the Quark mixture, along with the cornstarch. Pre-heat the oven to 180 C. Roll out the dough and place it into the slightly greased spring form, so that it covers the bottom and most of the side. Bake the crust for about 15 minutes and then fill with the Quark mixture and bake at the bottom rack (?) of the oven for 1 hour. Let the cake cool if it is baked through.
Wash your strawberries and cut them into halves. Prepare the red glaze according to instructions on the package (or head some red juice and slightly thicken it with a little cornstarch. Don’t make this too starchy or too thick!) Place the strawberries on the top of the cake in some sort of decorative fashion of your own choosing and cover them with the glaze to make them stay on.
Whip your cream with the vanilla sugar and then decorate the cake with the cream. Personally, I think the whipped cream is overkill, so I don’t do it, but many people back home will serve it that way.

Both for me trigger lovely memories and tastes of home. Yum! Oh, and I made your Scrambled Eggs and Veggie Soup recipe for Mum tonight, she loved it and I had to translate it for her, it will be going back home with her. As to the other recipes you posted, in most recipes there is at least one ingredient that I havn't the faintest idea as to what the ingredients are. I might just have to pick your brain about it some day.

Tim, so are you going to the UK? Do you know anything about Emory U that they don't post on their website? They have a one year position that I'm going to apply for. Getting it might be a long shot, but darn it I'm going to try! I also wish you could meet my friend Ari, he teaches German at the U here and does stand up comedy as well, sort of on the side. Your sense of humor is very similar to his.

Welcome to all the newbies!

Peter, how much German do you actually know? Just curious...

Grandma, I'm so glad you are okay, what Jenny describes with her grandma, is exactly what happened to mine, she fell broke one hip, fell broke the other 2 weeks later and from there just went down hill and never recoverd and died. That was so sad & I don't want anything to happen to you. Jenny, I hope this doesn't happen to your grandma anytime soon, and re. high school problems, people picking on you, be tough, it's more their problems than yours, though they shouldn't take it out on you. Remember you can always "look down on them" in the literal-physical sense, not with arrogance though.

Off to bed now, but before I go a "special hug" to Katalina and hugs to all of you as well on PC.

Hi all:

Tim-Californians don't even register the earthquakes unless it knocks you outta bed or off the sofa. I'll take an earthquake over a tornado any day, but I'll bet that anyone living in Tornado Alley think all Californians are nuts for putting up with freeways collapsing every so often. Hope you and yours are okay!

Mil-please take care of yourself! Glad to hear your okay.

In case you all didn't already know just how crazy we are here in Los Angeles, here's something I found today that made me laugh so hard I just about peed my pants:

>http://www.ruben.fm/format.html

You need Quicktime installed (www.quicktime.com) to view it and if you don't enjoy hip hop, then it might not be your cup of tea. Otherwise, this is what all that sun and earthshaking does to us...

Cheers,
Lisa

Evelyn,
I can't speak much German, but I can understand it pretty well.
My mother was German and father Polish. At home, they would converse mostly in German.
Unfortunately, they decided not to speak German to me because they wanted me to be more "Australian", whatever that is.
Yeh sure, and me with Dalmatian (Croatian) birth parents and German/Polish adopted parents.
I fitted right in! Bewdy mate. Still, I admire the thoughtfulness of their intent. Mind you, you would probably not pick my background now. I look more Germanic than Slavic, probably due to those Austrians that occupied Dalmatia for so long.
And of course, I have no accent, though many Australian Europeans seem to, particularly Italians, Greeks, Yugoslavs & middle eastern folk. I think it's the dual language thing.

Naturally I picked the language up (German), but have never spoken it. Oddly enough, I can even read it a little. About 6 months ago I received an unexpected letter from a German lady (in Berlin) who used to be married to my birth father (he's now dead). I could actually make out most of what she had written.

I would like to converse with you in Deutch, but that would be a little difficult for me (and plainly rude to everyone else here!

Guten tag.

Peter

Evelyn...I haven't gotten the paperwork confirmed yet. So I don't know if I'm going or not. Emory is an outstanding university. It's quite the university here. The rich and famous go there or extremely brilliant kids with scholarships. I went to Georgia State University in downtown Atlanta. When I graduated with my accounting degree the Big 8 firms (top of the line) only interviewed at 3 colleges in Georgia, Georgia State, Emory and The University of Georgia.

Lisa..
I slept through a few in LA when I had the apartment there. But here that shifting bed routine stirred up all the chickens in the coop.

Later

Timbo

thanks for the comments on the post i left awhile ago...im glad there was enjoyment to be had from it, albeit extremely long (sorry bout that).
hope everyone is well!
nicole

dear Paul,
I can relate to that a lot. It's like with my mom, I can't tell her any of my personal things, only with my dad. I also need some advice; if my mom hates my uncle and she said that he did something to me that she knows that it even isn't true and I can't see him at all (even with my dad), how can I go through with it? I mean, it hurts to even talk about it, and that related-to-poem you wrote? That's how I feel when it comes to my uncle. My fathers' side of the family doesn't like my mom (especially my fathers' mom wich is my grandma from his side) and i'm writing to my uncle (wich i'm not supposed to but it's hard not to) and if my mom finds out, I would be in trouble. My aunt says that if I could see my uncle, then our life would be perfect. What should I do?

sincerely,
Shelby

Hi Paul,

I'm going back to Paul who wrote concerning being tired of it all.

Paul, you have so many interests, it is difficult to grasp one and going forward with it. Try selecting one interest and pursue it. For exxample: Writing, engaging in sports, or teaching or etc.

You have what it takes to satisfy self and contribute your worth to society.