Paul's Corner

Congratlations on the TV show. Better than comp sales huh? Can't very well do that and everything else as well. Or maybe you can. I dunno. Anyway, when you make it back to the site..We're all happy that you're on the upswing.
On emotional price. That's a huge huge proposition one I am dealing with right now. I'll let you know how it goes.
Peace and love to everyone
Tim

Well Tim, be gentle on yourself, life isnt easy but the joy is in there somewhere. Perhaps we just need to know where to look or surrender to the fact it is there. I dunno, I am just trying - you know what I mean.

Paul, okay, I'm down from cloud nine after the lies told by The Sydney Morning Herald.

The Herald seems to have trouble with the truth, generally. (I've suspected that for a long time, but this "Full Monty" story really clinched my observations!)

Anyway, glad you're back in show biz with your TV show, and then, your "Guys and Dolls" opening on Thursday...good luck with that! The kids must be sooo excited, but so must the parents..(I used to be a stage mother, so I speak from experience!)

I would love to see your choreography! In Follies a couple sang "Woman In Love" with that wonderful
rhumba beat..did you choreograph that number in your show?

I wonder if the director and the cast realize how fortunate they are to have you as the choreographer. Ellie and I will be there...watch for 2 flies on the wall....

Timbo, your show is soon also, right? I'm sure you will be wonderful...we'll wait for the details!

Love,

Momma Mil

Oh boo and poo poo to the Herald! Much like a newspaper here called 'The Sun'.

Paul- I'm so glad you're having a blast filming the TV show...I can understand the excitment...I recently finished a theatre production of 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' and going to rehearsals was the highlight of my every day. It was just fantastic and I'm very very glad you're doing it! Good luck with it too!

Tim- hey dude! How's it going? You well? You got a show coming up??

Grandma Mil- love you Grandma, don't be too dissapointed about the Newspaper article, you're excitement showed just how much you care for Paul! You're a star!

Love and hugs to all,
Princess Han*
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Paul...You seem to be at peace for now with life's direction. It is wonderful to be doing what you love! We in the Corner are always hopeful that soon the opportunity may present itself for something more global so that we can enjoy your talent. But the most important thing is that you feel good about your path!

Linda

Hey Paul. I'm thrilled to hear you're on TV. Many actors in the US are happy to get a show and even more so to get a series. Once they've done 100 episodes, the show can go into syndication and they get residuals. It might even continue on a cable channel. The stigma of working in TV is gone. People are just happy to work. Your stocks on the rise; name recognition translates into oportunities!!! Good for you!

Good morning Millie. Happy Mother's Day! I hope you have a wonderful day.

Happy Mother's Day to every mother reading this.

Lots of ineresting posts (hey Hanna!), but time to take DOG OUT! I hope to visit again soon.
Love,
Whit

When I am worried, hurt, or uncertain (or a myriad of other things...), I have this quote that I run through my head, and it seems to calm me. Paul, if you do find the time to read this, maybe it will help...

"When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen to you: either there will be something solid for you to stand on, or, you will be taught how to fly"

Patrick Overton.

Best of luck, and to all the moms out there, Happy Mother's Day! ("By the time you realize your parents were right, you have kids that don't believe you").

Have a good day all...I am off to landscape our backyard today! Wheeeee!

Byn.

Paul, that's so great you're having such fun with the TV drama. It's wonderful about your choreography too. Sounds like you're definitely keeping busy busy busy (and doing things you love that tap into that creative energy and passion!).

Interesting what you said about loss and surrender being a focus lately, and the emotional price exchanged for these things.
I guess I can personally apply this to some decisions I have been making and am about to make in the near future here. Surrender is something that seems to be resonating with me lately. And it isn't passive by any means. It isn't happening against my will or anything...I'm finding myself submitting to it or choosing to participate in a certain flow of life currents rather than fight it or ignore it....It's interesting to watch the process. As for emotional price...I find I can accept that price overall as long as I am being true to myself in this process. Loss can sure be difficult...but I guess as long as I'm real with self then the many partings i must go through along the way is something I just am learning to see as a part of it all... a fact of life or a universal truth, just the way this wheel turns. I guess I just want to be sure I minimize the "regrets" by making the best of each moment, doing my best, engaging as fully (and with as must awareness that i can muster) as possible in that moment.

(gosh, blog can be risking out on a limb there sometimes...mmmm? *nervous grinn* LOL)

Hugz n kix,
Katalina

Yes yes comrades of the biz...I too have a show coming up on May 31st. Actually my children and I. Well 2 of them anyway. Our tap dance concert. We're excited it's a lot of fun and we've had a tremendous year together. I've already signed us up for next year. The boys for sure. I may have to take tap in London...ya never know.

Yep we definitely have to give or lose something, $$ for example to gain something. We can only hope that what we surrender to is going to have a good outcome for us.

Byn...great post...wonderful expression.

In emotions anonymous Friday night we discussed how in order to progress we have to accept we have a challenge, ponder the fields of attack, and go at it. Start knocking on those doors. If we don't knock, no one will ever answer.
It was a good group.

peace and love everyone.

Tim

Just wanted to say hi to all you beautiful, talented and creative people out in cyberspace. I'm two days from the completion of my 100 page Thesis and am already having separation anxiety about it. Gosh to think that I will have all this new found time to actually live life is daunting but exciting.

Congrats- to all for both your external and internal successes. Life is hard- but I have a hunch it is worth it in the end.

Tim- loved your Mother's Day message and am sure it was a priviledge for your mother to have you as a son. TAP ON!!!

Kat- your words are always so moving and inspirational- thank you!!!

Paul- I dig how you let it all hang out!!! ( NOT A FULL MONTY REFERENCE)- the good the bad the ugly and the ambivalent. Your honesty and uncertainty adds to your humanity and makes me appreciate you for more than just your talent and charisma.

Grandmama Mil- Happy Mother's Day to you with many years of health and happiness to follow.

A hearty shout out to the rest of the peeps at PC- you all ROCK- have a great week...

The un-naked Layla

Good evening Momma Mil!

Layla, congratulations on finishing your thesis. I'm sure you're glad that's over. Now you can embrace responsibility and take the next step on your journey. I'm sure you can find fun and productive ways to use this new found time.

Back to writing.
Love,
Whit

Paul,
Please let me know when your appearance on Blue Heelers will be screening. I don't watch a lot of TV, so I'd likely miss it.
Do you play a goodie or a baddie?

Note to OS folks: Blue Heelers is probably the most popular, highest profile Australian drama on OZ TV.

Well, I'm up late. I should be working on my stem cell research paper right now, but I can't concentrate. I'd like to wish all of the mothers a happy Mother's Day! Who knows where I would be without my mother. She is the one person in this world that I can actually trust. I still have a really bad headache from my concussion the other day. I really wish it would go away. Soccer isn't the same right now. I used to love the thrill of the game. Right now, I am dreading it. I don't feel that it is what I want to do anymore. That is why I am failing. I lack the passion for the game right now and I don't believe in myself. Without those things, it is impossible to do good. At least the season is half done. Life is still treating me pretty bad. I hate the game of life right now. People always say that it will get better, but that is not true for everyone. Sometimes it never gets better. I know I have a lot better life than plenty of people in this world. I am thankful for that. I'm glad that I'm not living on the streets or struggling to stay alive. Sometimes I feel that it is only those people who know what it is truly like to experience the pain of life. I have no pain in life compared to them. That is why I do not want sympathy. I'm sure that a lot of people have gone through harder ordeals than the one that I am going through right now. Everyone in the world needs a day off just to relax. Too bad that it can't happen. Life is going to keep throwing punches every which way no matter what. There is nothing I can do about it. That is what really sucks. I have to get back to my paper now. I'm never going to finish this thing!

Best Wishes from Wisconsin,
Jenny

Goodness, I just saw Strictly Ballroom (To the unabiding fury of my friend Allysia) and I had to find out who on earth was possibly that talented. And who had that nice of hair. Haha! Honestly, though, I admire you greatly and wish you were 20 years younger and unmarried. Although I wish you and your family all the best. SB is now one of my favorite movies.
Much Peace,
Kathleen

Well, then, this bloke's got it made now, hasn't he? Going to be on Blue Heelers? Haven't watched it really, but I'll sure try now. Going to America tomorrow to look at colleges (Mum wants me to go to one over there) does anyone know if it is true that Americans think we own dingos and the like? Because my friend from New York swears that she thought that until she moved into an apartment here in Sydney.

Eeeexcellent news on the TV show, Paul! Thanks, Peter for pointing out the popularity of Paul's show so we can all get revved up about the exposure he'll get from it. Yahoo! And Paul, please give the cast of Guys and Dolls a hearty "Break a Leg!" from us.

Tim, thanks for the Mother's Day tribute. And thanks to all others who offered good wishes. It's been a lovely day for me and I hope for all you other moms. Byn, that was a cute quote about parenthood. I loved the movie "Parenthood" in which the grandmother describes parenting as a rollercoaster ride.) Also enjoyed the quote about stepping into the unknown. I've always kind of felt that if I was too comfortable, I wasn't moving forward, just sort of retracing my steps. Maybe we walk around a few times so we can build up the courage to take that next leap. Right now, as I contemplate opening my own business, I'm starting to look at qualities that I always considered a liability in business — restlessness, resistance to routines, a tendency to buck trends — as strengths to creating a business that can last.

Hi, Linda, Layla, Damaris, Katalina, Han, and all. Glad you're having fun Hannah.

Good night hugs!

Diane

the drought is over!!!

landing a role on one of the highest rated and most popular series rocks and now onto the 100th episode... and then syndication!

good going m'curio...

Lena- I have never heard that stereotype, infact most people I have encountered that mention Aus. folk have always nice things to say. People here seem to like the word 'digeridoo' though quite a bit(did I spell that correctly?) Once people here got past the Paul Hogan phase I think certain stereotypes disappeared.
Jenny-Stem cell research steep subject, my friends dad transplants stem cells in the fight for Chron's disease (sp).Good luck:)

Mercedes

Mercedes

Peter, heelers is the 30 July - I think - keep an eye out. I have really enjoyed pushing the envelope on this episode!!!!

Paul, You sound excited. I'm very happy for you!
I'll watch for sure.

Hey can one of you guys tape that episode for us non OZ folk? I'd pay you for it and for shipping. PLEASE? Actually I'd be willing to house a few copies here and disperse them others in the US. Kind of the central processing place for it unless CAT plans to do something like that???? Anyway you can get a copy from the studio Paul? Farfetched question..but I love those kind. I guess that show must be similar to The sopranos or NYPD blues here huh?
So proud of you for your landing that piece. I'm sure it'll do wonders for your upswing. Sounds like you're definitel on that flight up. Kudos mate!!!
Please keep us informed on the dates of TFM. Whit and I want to come over...but the sooner we know the dates the better. The flights $$$ change dramatically.
Welcome tothe board Kathleen. You'll enjoy posting here or reading. It's a great group of friends.
Thanks Diane and Layla...expressions from the heart.
Off to take my 5 years old to preschool. Not well today. Bad head cold and throat. Sore all over kind of thing. God I hate this kind of stuff, hot one minute, freezing the next. Hope it passes quick.
I'm interviewing for a salon manager position today. I'm not even thinking of it as permanent but right now it'd be money.
I'm really getting into EA (emotions anonymous). The more I read the more comfortable I am that I think I'm going to break this bad cycle in my life. Kind of like when I went to AA and made it happen. Been sober for a long time now and wouldn't change that for the world.
This will probably sound very off the wall but kind of what I'm working onwith EA. Pretend you are a number say 2. Perfect. you can square it, add to it or do anything with it really, but it's a primary solid number. It's basically perfect, of course as humans we could never be PERFECT. Butwhat if you see yourself as a fraction 8/4 or 100/50. Meaning you have 8 or a hundred things constantly going that make your life seem out of control and the bottome number is the co depenency's you rely on to get you through your day. I know that's really off the wall but here's the point, what I'm learning is I can make that fraction a lot smaller. A lot of those 100's of things are immaterial and I've got to let go of some of those 50 things. 8/4 or 4/2 or 6/3 is a much more practical way and serene way of living. Ok it's the accountant in me..the math made sense.
I just had to let on about what I'm learning and how it's making me feel like I can make peace with myself.
peace and love everyone
Tim

I'd also love to get my hands on a tape of the show. If I can get it converted, I can put clips on the website. :)

Tim--if you seriously want to be the vid man, write me.

Hi guys! Good morning, good day!
I think our Paul is super excited or something!!!!! Bouncing up and down!!!!
Can ya just feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel that hippity hoppity happy energy coming across the net here?
LOL LOL LOL

Joy joy joy!!!!!

Wish we could check out your series here in the states Paul..but maybe a kind soul in Australia can tape it for us and maybe we can do a kind of tape trade or something?????

Big hugz n a winkandagrinn,
Katalina

oops just now saw Cat's post
cool

Katalina

Okay, Tim, you're next. Feel better and have a great interview.

Love to ya'll!!!

Diane

Loss and Surrender: Oh! The Universal Mind is such a frighteningly cool thing...

I had one of those "stick with you a LONG time" dreams Tuesday very early in the morning. I was at home, outside, doing some gardening and watching the boys play on the swingset. You can see almost a mile along the road from our house and down the road I was noticing a log of vehicular movement...and some men across the road moving in and out of our neighbor's house. When a large, metallic grey water truck and another huge, obviously military though steele grey truck headed down back towards our neighbor's pond, my radar went into overdrive and I ordered the kids inside. "This is it, they're going to do "it" (set off the bomb/chemical-bio warfare or genocide, whatever). Men came out of our tree-line and started putting stake markers in the ground (where we'd planned a pasture in real life) and noticed me, but didn't really care. They were going to do what they were going to do, no matter what. One worker/soldier kicked at our long grass in disgust and made a comment to his buddy about when "it's all over" and the place is thiers or something. The foreman/leader finally talked to me and said, "Well, you've probably realized we're taking over..." and I went into panick mode and went inside to call my friends and warn them that "It's time! Save yourselves, we're done for..." and was sobbing as I cried into the phone. I noticed the kids BACK on the swingset (my GODS they don't even listen in my DREAMS let alone real life!) and I ran back out to get them. That's when I noticed an Iroquois soldier who'd changed from his jeans into ceremonial dress, and he was singing/chanting for success in the mission, underneath our mulberry tree.

I knew at that moment, that he was invoking his god to assist him. And I knew that's all that I had left to do, so I gathered the children into my lap, with ALL the vehicles swarming around raising dust and the cries of the Iroquois man in the background, closed my eyes, opened my palms, and turned my face up to the dusky sun saying, "Oh Great Spirit, if only this were a dream..." and then it was like I was transported from the lawn into my bed lying with Jonah, my son. I woke up. I went from terrified and spazzy, to calm and in control, and made the decision to turn it over to Fate/God/the Universe's energies when there was no other avenue. And THAT was an avenue all unto it's own, eh?

Ok. That's my story.

Good luck with the work, Paul. HAve fun at your concert, Tim!

Love to All,
Dhi

Dear OS folk, I'd gladly provide a tape, BUT:
our reception here in the country is far from reliable. It's often bloody lousy. The channel that Blue Heelers screens on has the worst reception of the lot. SORRY. SORRY. SORRY.
I'd feel a right goose if I sent over a lousy copy. I'm sure that Paul's fans want to be able to view him in crystal clarity.
I don't know if Paul could provide a "clean" copy?

Blue Heelers is nothing like NYPD Blue or the like.
It's set in a country town, with lots of the usual country style characters. Not that it's light-weight, it's good drama that concentrates on the personal side of things. It has been running for quite a few years now, so that says a lot.

Tim, Sounds like you're doing good things mate. Making peace with yourself is important. I don't think there's a person alive that doesn't find it challenging sometimes, even when you forget the minor fractions. I hope it continues to go well. You have the power to make it happen.

Dhiana, That's some dream you had.
Oh, shit. I wish that I could think of something meaningful to say.
I just wrote a whole long paragraph, realised it probably had nothing to do with current discussions, and then deleted it.
I'm facing a new personal challenge at the moment. It's a big one. It's just about me, nothing else. Not sure how I'll handle it. It has spun me around a bit and left me slighty disoriented. I'm not used to feeling this way.
I'll tune in again when I'm better tuned in.

Hello,
I appears that this show Australia, New Zealand, Canada and Britain so for the US folks maybe Canada would be a good way to acquire a tape. Will also check satellite dish to see what Brit channels come up.
Mercedes

Diane: wow, what an incredible dream!
amazing......

Hugz,
Katalina

oops, Dhiana...i keep forgetting that h in there.

Kat

I agree with you, Katalina. Dhiana's dream was incredible and she described it in vivid detail. My dream about finding myself in pioneer country was puny by comparison. Let's just say it confirmed my notion that I need to break away from being an employee and create my own livelihood.

My thoughts go out those who've suffered through the latest tornadoes.

On the political front, the FCC is about to deregulate the media which could allow one company a monopoly over the airwaves. Just what we need — to further dumb-down the already filtered/propaganidized news. Time to contact your congressman and senators.

Sweet dreams, folks.

Diane

Paul, i would just like to tell u how absoultly fantastic u were choreograhing "guys and dolls" it was truly an honour to work with u and i really appreciate the extra tips u gave me. i hope all goes well for the future and whatever u do, have fun! :) thanks again, ill miss ya buddy! x

'Blue Heelers' used to be on UK tv a few years ago. It started off in a late night slot but I think it was moved to daytime which probably meant it was edited to suit the family audience. I don't think it was shown regularly though, just as a 'fill-in'. I did see it a few times and thought it was a good show. Pity it's not shown here anymore. I'll have to storm the tv stations and demand it be put back on! Have you been in this series before Paul? Copy
videos needed at this corner of the globe as well please! Thx

Paul, good luck with Guys & Dolls, one of my favourite musicals.

Tim, good luck with your show too.

Momma Mil, looked up your 'Follies' pics on Evelyn's site. They were wonderful, what a lovely family too! I know how you love to exercise, I started my exercise regime this week. Need to lose some pounds for my summer vacation! I'm don't really like to go to a gym so I've just had 30 mins on my exercise bike. Just taking a breather before I go out for a good, brisk walk, then I may do some aerobic exercise to my favourite tunes when I get back! Phew!

Love to all
Jean xxx

God morning Mil! I'm so impressed by your sticktoitiveness ( did I spell that correctly?)

Jean, good for you! Isn't Millie an inspiration? The bike is a good choice of low impact aerobics. Use it 30 to 60 minutes after your meal for at least 20 minutes if you can. It'll boost your metabolism. Don't forget! Drink lots of water.

Good morning to Ev and Kat and Inn and bluedog and dear timmer, sweet suz, wise Linda, kind-hearted Michelle C, can't forget Michelle, clever Cat, hard working Peter, creative Greg, tender hearted Jessie, dreamer Dhiana, lucky Bec, marv Mercedes, sympathetic Diana, happy Hannah, future college girl Len and loving Layla. Gosh I wasn't going to do that, but I'm starting to remember names and it's getting easier. I know I forgot someone naturally so let me just say have a great day everyone. And last but not least, have a great evening Paul and posse. I loves ya!

Dog out!
Love,
Whit

Whitney, thanks for the advice. The weight has piled on over the years due to my desk job and just wanting to slouch in front of the tv when I get home! Since I've been out of work I'm more active and I've lost 6 lbs so I'm on my way. I always drink at least 1 litre of water per day, never have fizzy drinks, very little coffee or tea (1 cup per day). I don't go to the gym but in my youth I was a 'disco-dancing' diva!! and that always kept me trim, so that's what I do at home when there's no-one else around!! Put on the cds and 'shake my booty'!! Works for me!

love
Jean xx

Good noon, Whit, love those names,(love those people..)

Jean, thank you for your remarks about "Follies" on Evelyn's site. She and Whitney were responsible for that. Looking at the pixs of myself gave me the incentive to lose the weight, and should I succeed, we'll post the new Mil pixs among the old Mil pixs..

I am working very hard to lose weight, and Whitney is one of my exercise cops, bless her.

The other one is our exercise guru in the village who doesn't let me miss a hand weights session with her...she's like a personal trainer, and when I offered to pay her, she declined, saying "you made me a star in the village." (She is also a dancer, Brazilian, and she and a friend did a Flamenco dance in "Follies" which was just marvelous!

We have a ladies' workout room in our village, and I'm there early in the morning (with a lot of other early risers) and give it about 35 minutes each morning.

Also, I am on the new South Beach Diet...don't know if you can get the book in the UK. If you're interested, let me know. It is a bit more strict than Atkins, but it is also a no carb diet for 2 weeks, and then low carbs are slowly added back. I've lost 10 lbs. since "Follies" and it ain't easy! Good luck to you!

Paul, we're waiting for Thursday (your time) and "Guys and Dolls." I am sure that it will be a hit..."choreography by Paul Mercurio"...how lucky can a show and its dancers get????

Timbo, your show is next on May 31st, right? Please have someone take pictures!

If it wasn't for the fact that Ellie and I are leaving for New York to visit our childen about that time, perhaps we could have tried to make it to Atlanta to cheer you on!

After all, I am the "biggest" stage mother hen since Momma Rose from "Gypsy." ("Gypsy" opened on Broadway again, and the critics say that Bernadette Peters is the best Momma Rose ever, almost surpassing Ethel Merman.) You and Paul are gonna "be coming up roses" for sure!

Love,

Momma Mil

Whitney,
Good morning gracious Whitney.

Back to work!

Love back to you,

Peter

Hey to the PC!!!
A quick drive by group HUG

from
Katalina

(lappin up tea not latte today....this is
a jasmine green tea to hopefully ward off
a potential sore throat from too much
candleburning at both ends again...Must..get..
more sleep...LOL)

wink n a grinn!!

Thanks for the cyber hug!! I am as well burning candle in both ends lately.
Paul- Hope "Guys and Dolls" went great!!

Momma Mil- Your will power to lose weight is impressive, throw that will power my way :)

Mercedes

ps. go see 'Bend it like Beckham' good flick.

I sang karaoke tonight for the first time. I love to sing! I got to fulfill my childhood fantasy of singing "Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack ( my first 45 rpm). I think my friends have created a monster! I give up my herbal remedy if I could sing for my supper.

I shouldn't have been out carousing tonight; grades are due tomorrow at noon. There will be some very dissapointed students here soon. Too many absences and too much attitude. I gave them til the very last moment. I guess not everyone is cut out for college.

I'm sorry I haven't had time to read up. I'll do so soon.

Good morning Paul.

Good night Grandma.

Love,
Whit

Whitney, thanks so much for the lovely greeting yesterday. The whole day had been kind of crappy and I really needed the boost I got being remembered by you!
Killing Me Softly figures prominently in the movie About a Boy. Have you seen it Whitney? I love it. I think it's probably the best thing Hugh Grant has done. My guys gave me the DVD for Mother's Day and I have watched it twice since then, also replayed the school concert scene over many times. By the way, I'll bet your karaoke version was brilliant! Wish I could've been there to cheer you on.

I hope all my friends here are well. I am preparing for my trip to Kansas. I'm excited to see my family, but I hate leaving home. Ah well, come Monday I'll be in the air.

Love to you,
Michelle/Chicago

Hey Whit! good for UUUUUUUU
What a BRAVE soul! Karaoke...omg!
I don't know if I could do it.
But, if I did, I'd want to do it to
Smashmouth's irreverant: WALKING ON THE SUN
or something fun like that w/a bunch of friends
hamming it up w/me. But only after a little sake or maybe a couple of Paul's Coopers or something!!! eeeeeegaaaaads.

Hey how is everybody today BTW?
What is happening in a Day in the Life of...
(fill in the blank...i.e. Katalina, Whitney, Inn, Michelle, Tim..)

my day today is just beginning at work. It's gonna be a busy one. Lot's of budget activity reports and payroll processing to do today for our division. I woke up late..left half hour late for commute to work, but still managed to get to work 5 min early. Some snazzy strategic traffic maneuvering..LOL Not much planned later except for workout with weights tonight.

ok that's my day.

Sending latte luvz from Seattle,
Kat

How's everyone today? The sun is out and the birds are singing so I am in a better mood than I was in last week. We had wretched, stormy, energy sucking weather and it sent me into a level of paranoia that can only mean....PMS.
I have been burning the old candle at both ends with rehearsal and building my costume-not to mention working on my make-up. It's the first time in a long time that I am not playing a character who is older. i have even managed to glue my hair up for a hairpiece.

Enough about me.... Millie, have you seen "The Women" with Joan Crawford and Norma Shearer? They remade it with Leslie Nielsen and Joan Collins but the original is the best. There is a current stage production of it, I think, with costumes by Issak Mizrahi. The characters take their bows in their undies.

I guess the guys in "TFM" would have to put some on... lol

Diane, even "puny" dreams have portent. Listen to them all.

Peter, I'd have loved to have seen that deleted paragraph. Personal challenges where "only" YOU are at stake can be the most confounding. Good luck with your search inwards.

Paul, darling...working that butt of eh? (heh heh heh...I don't care if you're not 20 anymore, Andrea's STILL got herself a deal there!) ;-)

Ok, Miss Piggy is signing off. T-ball tonight and it's 40 degrees F. BrrrRRR!

Later StarChildren,
Dhiana

Dhiana (dear Goddess),
Sorry, I can't remember what that particular paragraph was about. Probably just as well.
I think I just realised that it probably wasn't appropriate, or of the wrong tone.

I'll try to explain as well as I can, but this may be a little hard to follow. Here goes...
For several months now I have been consulting with an holistic counsellor. In general, I am doing this out of a genuine desire to be a better me. She (the counsellor) also has a PhD in molecular biology, but she assures me that she is not interested in manipulating my DNA. Phew! I'd probably end up mutating into a North American moose or something like that. I'd look stupid with antlers.
Anyway, I am specifically doing this out of a real need to understand about myself. In recent years I have had many glimpses of my past history and have come to know these things very clearly, however the one thing which still escapes me is how it all pieces together and what does it mean?
It constantly feels as though something is unfinished.
There is a huge challenge standing in the way.
My mind will completely block or distract me from anything that it perceives as a particular kind of threat, that is, anything which stands in the way of "survival". This interpretation of survival varies and sometimes has unexpected outcomes, and unfortunately this manifests itself in many different forms. On one occassion a couple of years back, I had some therapists telling me how important it was for me to take a break out of my busy day. Everytime they would speak, my mind would blank. It was as if the time has passed in a microsecond.
I asked them to repeat what they had said. After six attempts, we all stood around laughing. I still didn't know what they had said, so they had to write it down. It took me weeks to be able to remember it, and I had to devise ways of interpreting it differently.
So you see, this "protection" is strong.
Last week, the counsellor spoke about "getting in touch with the inner child". Well, what a response I had!
I can remember an incredible deal of detail of my early life, but it's always as if it's someone else, and I am detached, like an obsever.
When the counseller mentioned about the "child", I started to experience a tremendous fear. I was immediately overwhelmed with emotion and I could not contain it completely. I am not used to this, as it seems my psyche will generally always block such things. It was just too strong, too overwhelming. It would seem that this is the purpose of the distractions, or blocks. I'm told that a particular fear response has in my case been blocked, as a defense.
Luckily, I'm fairly highly functioning (lovely description), despite all I have written above!
I am confident that one day I will find the answers,...all of them.

Anyone reading this may by now be wishing that I had forgotten about it completely.

So Dhiana, that's it. Hope you are well.

Peter

Peter, please rest assured that I am always interested in what you are learning about yourself. Being on my own journey with all it's hills and valleys, it is an interesting diversion checking out someone else's itinerary once in a while. Besides that, I care about how you are doing!

Forgive me if you already told us but I was curious; how old were you when you came to be adopted by your family? Sorry if that is too personal. I know you have pre-birth memories that are very vivid with regards to your survival instinct. Are you thinking there are other times that might have contributed to this feeling?

I'm very aware of all the tricks we house in our brains to distract ourselves. I've been trying to identify the ones I have that are keeping me from moving forward in certain areas. I realized last year that I was avoiding silence, which is not good if you're trying to meditate. I still think my "hobby" of reading four or five books at a time is not conducive to spiritual healing. I am getting better, with practice. And journaling helps. Pure stream of consciousness, brain draining, shit spewing writing. I've been shocked at some of the memories that writing brought out of me. And by all means, therapy can be life altering.

Please feel free to share more Peter, that is if you feel comfortable doing so. I find your soul searching to be very admirable and inspiring as well. Is it possible that learning and sharing with each other is therapeutic and healing in itself? I think it is for me. I wish you well.

Dhiana dear, what about the lunar eclipse during tomorrow night's full moon? Will you be dancing? I think I might just do a few turns myself.

Love to all,
Michelle/Chicago

Michelle/C,
I was eight weeks old when I was adopted.
My new parents were generally very good people.
I was safe in my new existence, and although it was not terribly stimulating, I was generally treated extremely well.
The "challenges" I faced were mostly pre-birth, however, I now realise that learning at the age of eight that I was adopted came as a severe shock.
I can remember my thoughts vividly: where will I live?, how will I eat?, how can I stay safe?
A huge overcompensation, totally ignoring the possibility that life would most likely carry on as it always had. Such is the nature of the mind's protection mechanism. My entire focus was pragmatically centred on survival, again.

I have progressed a great deal in my life since then. I'm extremely hard on myself for not achieving more, given my inate potential, but at least I understand now why it was the best that I could do at the time.
I suppose I did OK. Now I'm looking to do better.

I'm glad to hear that your situation is improving. It can feel like slow progress at times, don't you think?

Thankyou for your kindness and empathy.

Peter

Peter, what you wrote above and in the past has always gripped my attention, made me move closer to my computer screen. Too tired and exhausted to respond "properly" but I think that most of us have our own blocks, either as survival strategies, protection mechanisms or for other reasons. I wish you great success in your journey of understanding yourself and what is behind it all and may you heal if that is what you wish or need to do.

Paul, I'm so excited for you that you are acting again and get to do what you love to do, have a passion for. I hope you are enjoying every second of it! Good luck also with the opening of the show you choreographed. That too is a wonderful accomplishment!! Big pat on your back!

Layla, congratulations on finishing your thesis!!! Did you have fun with it? Have you graduated or are you going on with a PhD? I hope you thoroughly enjoy the extra time that you now will have on your hands and will be able to fill it with fun things.

Jenny, I know what you mean about wanting a break and not getting it. Sometimes you just have to take a day off and take care of yourself, irrespective of how much you are supposed to do. Not taking care of your own needs, esp. emotional ones, esp. when your body, soul, mind and spirit cry out for some rest and alone time, will negatively impact your overall well being. Taking some time for yourself is exactly what you need to do, it does wonders for the battered spirit. And I also hope that you quickly recover from your concussion, and fully.

I'm still catching up on reading all the posts I missed in the last two weeks and I see many new names. Welcome to you all and hi to all the "oldies."

By the way, I passed the exam on Tuesday and my plan to have fun with it and during it worked (yeah!) and now I am done, except for a bit more copy-editing and still dealing with the examiner who is still bullying me around, --the nerve of her,--but at least now she no longer holds the power over me by threatening to fail me on the exam. I can politely tell her to piss off (although I'm not sure if that is possible :-))

Diane, go for your own business! I think you would be happier that way. I wish you the best of success!

Cat, if you get a video tape from OZ of Paul's show, I can convert it for you. I have a dual standard VCR, since I run into that problem with European tapes as well.

Okay, now I'm going to sleep the sleep of the exhausted and build up the energy to continue celebrating some more. Did plenty with Mum while she was here and now I'm going to take Grandma Mil up on her suggestion and celebrate at least for another month, although I want to celebrate for the rest of my life. :-)

Probably will chime in on the surrendering and loss later, as I've contemplated that a lot lately as well.

Tim, I'm sorry you had such a bad time lately, but I'm also very proud of you for dealing with your emotional issues head on as you seem to do.

I'm not going to list everyone by name, but please fill in your name in this blank. I really do mean you: _____ have a wonderful day, love, hugs and kisses to you.

Evelyn

Peter, I just saw we posted at the same time. Don't push yourself that hard!!! It's too draining and not always worth it. Push yourself, but not too hard. See the difference? It's a fine line, I know, I walk it all the time and usually end up in the camp of the ones pushing themselves too hard, but am learning to let go of some of these insane harsh expectations of myself. Be well and be kind to yourself!

Chicago Michelle...More freaky stuff, I just watched About a Boy tonight! First, Princess Bride, now this. I, too, thought Hugh Grant was fabulous! I always like his movies but this one was exceptional.

Whitney...Sing your heart out! It is good for the soul.

Evelyn...Party on, girl! You deserve it!

Millie...Great job on the lesser you but take it nice and easy!

Diane...You go, girl, if the spirit moves you to start your own business! Lots of possibilities for you.

Pleasant dreams all PCers, Linda

Peter, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I love your posts. You go from the typical mundane "this is what I did with my day" to completely facinating soul searching in depth examinations. Thanks for keeping me thinking. As for that protection instinct, I don't think it ever goes away. I was 33 when my father died and all I could think of was how will I be safe without him. He hadn't had an active role in my protection for years but I felt so secure with just being able to see him and speak to him whenever I wanted. I still feel the loss, I always will. Keep searching, and please keep sharing it helps us all.
Peace.

Dhiana, I still remember a few of my more vivid dreams. I guess what I was trying to say was that while I appreciate the tidbits of information I get in my average dreams, I'd like to have another of those magical kind.

Peter, I love reading about your journey. I'm just sorry that you've had such a rough experience. I used to feel that I hadn't accomplished as much as I should by my age. But it occured to me that I've been gathering skills and knowledge and experiences that I can pull together with some success if I'm willing to take the required risks. You'll find out what it all means when the time is right.

Congratulations, Evelyn! And thanks for your encouragement. One day, I'm excited about the possibilities. The next, I'm thinking it's probably just a mirage. I'll get it together though and the journey is fun.

Alright, part of the journey is fun. My friend Bill still wants to check out and I can't do much to help him, except call to tell him that I love him. My friend with cancer is still here, but going through a shitload of unpleasant tests/treatments. Other friends are losing jobs, struggling with their health, or both. I had a great experience yesterday doing the annual interviews with the junior high students. Then a friend at an adjacent table came over with tears in her eyes after meeting with an student who has ADD, thinks he's stupid, has buried his grandmother, is watching his father die and whose parents have lost their jobs. Life is exhilarating and heartbreaking and we have to go with the flow and roll with the punches.

My love and best wishes to you ALL!

Diane

lordy, only dhiana can post a "heh heh heh" and immediately, we're seeing m'curio in the buff!!! okay, okay maybe not you, or you, or you, okay, okay maybe just me!!! okay again, not just m'curio but delaney!!!

peter, your life and the journey you're on is fascinating - are you the only one or do the docs know of any similiar cases?

later all

Bluedog,
Hell, I dunno!
Seriously though, I came across a condition called "stiff person syndrome". STOP LAUGHING.
It's true - the nervous system doesn't regulate muscle tension correctly, with the result being that muscle flexibility is poor. The muscles just never let go. One of the conditions that usually accompanies SPS is vitiligo, where the immune system attacks the cells that produce pimentation, causing a de-colouring of the skin.
I suffer from this fairly extensively.
Strange thing, the first week I met my birth mother, I was running around with my head in the clouds (read euphoria, but should have spelt IDIOT), and all the stiffness disappeared. I had untold flexibilty. My physiotherapist did backflips. Then about 2 weeks later reality bit me hard and the stiffness returned. Bugger.
Apparently nervous shock is usually the cause.
Just by way of explanation: I feel fine, really.
Besides I've never known any different, so how would I know? As I said, I "function" fine. I just want to be better.

Hope ya keepin' that ten-gallon hat for me, ya just never know when I might need it.
(Naturally we're heavily metricated here, so it'd be a 45.4 litre hat).

Evelyn, Nice to har from you. Confirming that I am careful to keep the balance. All my current efforte are geared around making it happen long term. Thanks. Hope you get some rest.

Hi to all, Thanks for your support. I've spilt my guts enough for one day.
Time to get back to work.

Peter the lizard (still flat out).

Innussiq & Diane,
I take that as a great compliment. Thankyou.
This time I'm really going.

Peter..
I immensely enjoy your contribution to the site. If it weren't for people like you and me and well everyone else...it'd be boring. : )
As someone else said earlier when you post I often find myself leaning into the screen to really read carefully. Don't stop.
Diane..I was just thinking of your friend the other day. Positive energy her way okay? Tell her tim from PC or hell everyone here...is tugging for her. If full recovery is out of site, then a comfortable and well-rounded exit. There is a woman in my EA group that has terminal cancer. She's finding it helpful just to get out her anger and know that people won't judge her when she lets out her rage..we just listen. It's not a cure, but it let's her go home feeling a release..Just a comment.
Cat where did you post the "official" snail mail address to Paul? I've got a package to send. Plus..I'm going to have the tap show taped. I'm going to then contact the trio that did Mil's show and let you guys pick out some pictures to post.
Well I have an interview this morning at 10:30am, it is now 8:38am for a part-time controller. $40k/year part-time. Taking a day at a time. Trying things here and I won't hear anything about London for a few weeks. As long as 8 weeks.

Love you guys...
Tim