Paul's Corner

Paul!! So good to hear from you at long last, and to boot, you have some work and hope for the future! What a guy, what an attitude, bless you and Andrea and the girls!

Yes, it's been a year since our 50th, and we don't know where the time went either...there's the old saying, "time flies when you're having a good time"...or something like that! Ellie and I thank you and Andrea for your good wishes.

Paul, are you aware that we on PC are planning a Paul Convention next Febr. 2005 here in Florida?

Yes, about 11 of the PCers are thinking about getting together here during the weekend of my "Follies 2005" which has just gone into rehearsal.

The weekend could start on Sat., Febr. 5th, Sunday, Febr. 6th, and Monday, Febr. 7th, which is our morning matinee show for our out of town friends and family. The evening ticketed performances are Tuesday and Wednesday nights.

Tim promises to practice his tap dances, so I will give him a cameo role! In fact, I will highlight him, light him, and for sure, a star will be born on the stage of the Wynmoor Theatre!

I have already found a lovely hotel (a Marriott Courtyard) halfway between the airport and our retirement community. Rooms will be held for the occasion, and the manager said it's not too early to book, in order to hold the low price per room. Now, if only you and Andrea could attend...one never knows, right?

Again, glad you're back, but then, you weren't really away..you were always on our minds and in our hearts.

Love and Peace,

Mil

Paul
So happy to see you are well. We here at PC have all been a little worried. I am glad you are looking ahead.

What kind of liquor stores are there in Oz? Our stores are run by Washingto state, and that's all they sell.

Beef Brisket
1. Beef Brisket with mushroom Gravy
2. Beef Brisket with Horseradish Sauce
As soon as I can get these printed in word, I will forward them to you. No. 1 sounds good to me, but I am not a horseradish fan. As I have about 80 some cookbooks I had to pull some of them out of the garage. My family was in the resteurant business and I have a recipe book for large quanity cooking, if you are interested. I also have some hand written recipes that my Dad wrote in a notebook for large quanity cooking. If you are interested in them, for your future resteurant, I will send them to you. As they are kind of keepsakes, I didn't want them to go to just anyone.

Love to you Paul, glad your back.

Love to all here at PC.
Take care
Marge

Paul, here we mean a cut of corned beef when we talk about brisket. I'm not sure if that's what you're talking about. In my family, the traditional way to cook it has always been to boil it and serve it with boiled potatoes in their jackets and cabbage. If you really want to crown it, plenty of butter on the potatoes. It may sound plain, but it's delicious. You're probably looking for something a bit more flamboyant though. We tend to get over-excited when faced with the opportunity to have a barbecue as it means the sun is shining above and beyond the call of duty! So unfortunately I don't have anything to offer you there. 'Paul's Place' is catchy, by the way.

It's good to hear from you again. I hope the seeds you are planting are working frantically on your behalf to make an appearance in the near future. The surface may seem bare, but there can be a lot going on beneath it. I wish you the best as always.

Kelly, you have all our positive energy behind you. Sending you love and good wishes.

Love to you all,
Mary

PAUL!!!!

YOU'RE ALIVE!!!!! And you have work!!!

Kelly, ditto to what everyone else's said!

...Speaking of work, I really should get cracking...maths exam tomorrow...

Jen

Paul,

I'm new to this so I am just going to jump in. I have a recipe that my aunt from New Orleans gave me in a "Cooking New Orleans Style" cookbook. I have made it and it is a really good recipe for brisket with marinade. If you are interested I would be happy to share. I live in the midwest and we tend to be pretty simple (at least my family is!!) and we prefer to eat briskett barbequed--I have a recipe I use for that too. They are both fairly simple recipes--in other words, if I can make them, anybody can!!

I just know great things are in store for you!!

Lori

Hey all,

Paul, Thank you so much for you kind thought and healing wishes. Please tell Andrea thank you as well. Your kindness is very uplifting. Everyone's kindness here is very uplifting. I must say I can't wait to read all the posts each day. Everyone has been so filled with love tword me and it's made me a better person. THANK YOU !!!!

Paul, good luck on the restaurant. It's a nice way to go. If you find a location on a corner, "Pauls Corner" or "The Corner" could be a good name! Not as good as Paul's Place, though.

Marge, it's so very generous of you to offer your recepies to Paul. To share something so special to you is very kind of you ansd shows what a giving person you are.

I feel good, I CHOOSE to feel good. I got a call today from my old Varsity Choir teacher from 1986. I played Jan in the 1986 highschool production of "Grease". We are having a reunion on Saturday. WE are going out for dinner then to another high school production of "Grease". The daughter of the gal that played "Sandy" is in this one. No other high school has done this production since we did it, that I know of/ Ours was pretty special, and very well done. We were all pretty typecast. I know I was. I thoght I would have trouble picking which child I would take but they both demand they be the one to go. My husband is going also, so I called and told them I needed 4 tickets. Idon't think anyone else is bring thier family, but I we are sooooo used to doing EVERYTHING together. Besides, after I told my old teacher that my "GREASE" tape was in my daughter's VCR right now, he said it was ok. I have been trying to russle everyone up I have seemed to keep in contact with several of them over the years. It wil be nice to see everyone, even if I am twice the size I was in highschool!!!! Well, not quite.

Tim, I am enjoying your happiness with you. You sound so healthy and fresh in spirit. You are an inspiration. Stay happy and healthy and keep dancing!!

Mil, what can I say to you but "yes, I can feel the vibes and the energy. I have grown happier in the few days knowingi I have so many great friends here. Your friendships have meant so much more than you could ever know. I hold all of you next to my heart and get alot of strength from all of you. I know this thing will turn out to be nothing, but if it not. Iv'e got the strength to deal with it. I know I do.

Love to all at The Corner.

Kelly xoxoxoxo

Paul, glad to hear from you. Funny you mention brisket, the family and I were discussing having it for dinner tomorrow. There was a small write up of you in Premier magazine this month about "I Robot". It mentioned you right at the beginning of the paragraph. I was very pleased to see it..so much so my co-worker asked what I was smiling about! Free press is good.
Kelly, it's great to see you so positive! You keep it up.
Welcome to Lori and hello to the rest of the corner.
Peace.

Greetings to all! Welcome to the newbies.

Paul, glad to hear that you're calm and taking steps to prepare for your business. Thanks to everyone for your healing thoughts.

Kelly, I join the others in wishing you a full and speedy treatment and recovery. I was very inspired by the calm and positive approach you've taken to this medical challenge.

Belated anniversary wishes to you, Millie and Elliott! Bless you both and bless your beautiful family! And Millie, I'm going to try to make it down there next February if it's at all possible.

Evelyn, I'm picturing you ecstatic over a wonderful job offer. Hang in there, you'll get it.

Linda, I send you more wishes for improved health.

We never know why some things happen as they do or why they happen at all. As I have been getting the business up and running over the past five months, I've arrived at the deep realization that fretting over possible outcomes or trying to control them is a waste of time and energy. When I've simply put my mind to the task at hand and allowed events to unfold, my faith in the universe has been rewarded with many synchronistic events.

I haven't been to this site very often of late because my illness that started in mid-February went on for four weeks. Each day I had to direct my limited energy toward only the most necessary tasks. I was frustrated and perplexed by the unpredictability and tenacity of the problem and focused on getting through each day.

Now I can say that I'm grateful for my extended illness. If I hadn't been so sick for so long my doctor would not have ordered the colonoscopy that detected a cancerous polyp. Instead, the doctor would have given me a referral next year when I went in for my annual exam after turning 50 and that piece of paper would have sat on my desk until I got around to scheduling the procedure. By that time, my odds for survival would have been very low. The polyp has been removed, but I'll still need surgery in April. I have been informed that the surgeons are very good and I know that my friends here stand ready to assist. Now my task is to get things in order for my family as we get closer to surgery and whatever comes after.

Paul, I am envisioning you in more stage and screen productions. Even as I do, I ask the Creator to bless you and your family with the peace, joy and resiliance you'll need to get through this patch and take you into that next phase of your life. I wish you a great journey. (And I'll see what I can come up with on that brisket assignment.)

Goodnight!

Diane

Diane as always good to hear from you. I am glad that you are pleased things have turned out as they have. Funny isnt it when people say things happen for a reason ie being sick, losing a job, winning the lottery - even better when you can recognise the good that has come out of what may have been percieved as a bad or unwanted experience.

As for fretting about tomorrow and it's outcomes I am with you on that one. Whilst the fear decends upon me every now and then for a moment or two and the what ifs take hold, I am basically just putting my head down and doing what I can. I know that it is doing good things even if I cannot see what they are as yet. Thank you for your thoughts. It is gratifying to know I am journeying with friends.

The briskett recipes I am looking for is for barbequed - long and slow with or with out smoke. Good luck!

Paul,
Here is an easy recipe for Eastern North Carolina barbecue sauce, which works very well on brisket. (Some of the best BBQ in the U.S. can be found in Eastern North Carolina; the difference is we make a vinegar-based sauce, while in other parts of the country you will find a tomato-based sauce.) Here goes:
Combine the following ingredients in a medium size saucepan. Using medium heat bring ingredients to a slight boil and continue boiling for about 5 minutes. Stir constantly until it begins to thicken.
-1 cup apple cider vinegar (white works also)
-1/2 c. packed light brown sugar
-2 tbsp. real butter
-1 tsp. salt
-1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
-1 tsp. fresh crushed black pepper
-1 tbsp. Tabasco sauce (if not available, any vinegar-based hot sauce will work)
I would suggest, depending on how low your heat is, you apply this to your brisket during the last hour of cooking to prevent the sugar from charring.
This recipe serves 2-3; double as necessary. Good luck! I wish you the best in your future endeavors.
Doris

Paul,

Hi, I am new to this site. I am a fan and hope to be an e-mail friend. I'm not musch of a cook, but hope to contribute to the next topic.

Diane,

Here I am sqwaking about "what could be", and you have already been through it. Thank goodness you caught it and was able to get it removed very quickly. I am sorry you had to be sick for so long before they discovered it. What is your upcoming surgery for? Do you have more they need to remove? I know it's none of my business and you don't have to answwer if you don't want to. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep your chin up. You are very brave. : )

Love to all

Kelly

Paul — barbequed only, huh? Oy, I've got my work cut out for me now! Thanks for your encouragement.

Kelly, "what could be" is a scary place to be. So sqwauk all you want. It's important that you tell people what's happening so you can get the support you need (and they can give it). You have my prayers each day, as well. The worst case scenarios began playing in my head as soon as my husband called me on my cell phone while I was out on errands to tell me that the doctor wanted to move up my recheck appointment because their calendar "got out of whack". (Doctors don't tend to move appointments up a week, do they?)

The surgeons need to remove an area of my large intenstines surrounding the polyp site. We won't know until after surgery if the cancer has spread, although the doctors don't think at this point that it has. The surgeon told me that the oncologist may choose to put me on chemotherapy even if it seems somewhat contained. I'll have to have another colonoscopy next year to make sure it hasn't returned. Maybe I was sick for so long to prepare me for my post op challenges.

Best to all!

Diane

Hello All!

GOt to make this quick so I"ll say this...

I'm a veggie so forget me putting any input on a good recipe.

Second, Paul and Andrea have you two ever thought of opening your own SPA out there in Australia?

Paul,

This is my favorite recipe for making bbq. This recipe comes from Ohio so possibly that is the difference between the use of tomato sauce in this recipe compared to the Eastern North Carolina bbq recipe.

Stir together

1 1/2 cup water
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/4 Worcestershire sauce
1/4 brown sugar
1 t celery seeds
1 t chili powder
dash of hot pepper sauce
salt and pepper to taste
Bring to boil.

You can either pour this over your briskett and let it simmer or you can baste as often as you like.

Hope you find what you are looking for.

Thanks to all for welcoming me to PC!!

Lori

Diane, someone was looking after you. I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this but I'm very glad that you have been alerted to it so early. A friend of mine had a very similar experience a number of years ago. Again the problem was picked up while she was being treated for something else. The surgery was a success. By the way, she went through the same procedure of being monitored closely for a while. You have been in my thoughts and prayers of late as I wondered if you were picking up. I promise you will stay there.

Kelly, sounds like you have a lovely weekend coming up! I will continue to keep you close also. Take care.

Welcome to Lori, Doris and Paulette. Hello to all the familiar faces.

Love to each one of you,
Mary

Hi Paul,
Glad to see you're back!! Check out GOOGLE by putting in 'barbequed brisket" for lots of choices to pick from:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=barbecued%20brisket&spell=1

Prayers and healing thoughts and wishes to all who are in need.

Till next time PC: Elbows up, head high, feet moving forward.

J.

Diane
I am thinking positive thoughts and praying the doctors will find all of the tumor. Your positive attitude and good faith in your doctors will help you get through this. I will have my prayer chain start prayers for you.

Paul
My mother had a fantastic sauce that she used on all her beef BBQ's. As my daughter has all her recipes, some 300 of them, I will check with her and get it for you.

Kelly
Thank you for those kind words. I went to find those recipe books, but I have put them in such a "safe" place, I can't locate them right now. As usual I will find them when I am looking for something else.

Tim
Looking forward to seeing you perform at FIF.

Love and positive thoughts to all
Take Care Marge

Hi all...

Paul so happy to see you so upbeat. Glad you and Andrea are facing the future so brightly. It's the only way you can do it. Taking the part time work at the liquor store is an excellent idea. It does prep you for the possibilities of Paul's Place and what you'll want to offer.

I don't cook so I can't offer any advice on the briskett except to tell you I love it.

Diane, so sorry to hear about the polyp situation. I had to have some removed over a year ago, but they were not malignant. B/C I have no insurance I haven't been able to go back for my follow up colonoscopy. I am supposed to have one every year now. To give some sense of prevention I take the blood tests you can buy at the drugstore to see if there is any blood detected then I'd just have to go in. Insurance or no insurance.

I'm going to have my Tap teacher help me with something over the summer for Millies follies. It'll be FUN and I absolutely can't wait to meet everyone.

My life is going through changes again as usual, but you know what. I make it what it will be. I'm grown tired of being on the bottom end of the money stick, so I'm putting my thinking cap on to MAKE some money.

My DVD player and VCR player is not working well. The DVD is "sticking" on scenes. Really pisses me off. Like last night we were watching Moulin Rouge. My youngest son has come up with a little tap routine he thinks goes well with the song Roxanne. He absolutely amazes me. He'll be 6 in April. I'm going to have him show his teacher Wednesday night. I'm the stage dad I guess, and would love to be out there myself.

Oh well got to get the dog...She got loose.

Peace and love everyone.

We'll have to get together Millie before the show...
we'll talk..

Tim

Hey all,

I got to talk to Mil today!!!! yeahhhh !!! You are an outstanding lady Mil!!! I felt soooooo good when we got off the phone. I felt so full of love!! Then the bomb hit. My daughter spent the day with my parents today and she wen t to church with my mother. My mother had asked her church group to pray for me. Thats fine. But in today's bullitan there was a write up about me, with my name, my parents name, stating I had a tumer on my neck and they don't know if it can be treated. And for everyone to pray for me. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. My husband and I are immensly private people when it comes to things like this. My husband is extremly introverted. Anyone approaching him with this would make him incredibly uncomfortable as he doesn't like to discuss personal things with "outsiders". 2,000 people attend the 3 services at this church. Many of whom we know and see. Many children know my children, and their parents. My husband works down the road from this church and many of the people I was to see Saturday at my reunion , go to that church.

I had not told my children anything about this as my daughter already worries about every little thing, and with my son's Tourettes, I don't want him to start ticking again.

I had to tell them as I didn't want them to hear abut it from anyone else. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do , especially since we don't know if I have anything to worry about at all!! I am so mad at my mother, I already told my family we are not going Saturday. I will never share anything personal with my mother like this again. I asked her in confandense to not tell ANYONE no one at all and she promised. Now she told my brothers and sisters, her neighbors and all of her family. And my dad told all of his family. I am a big posterboard for "lets feel sorry for Kelly" I am so pissed I can't even think straight. My phone wont stop ringing and I am sick about it. I have cried to all of you , and to my husband and my mother, but that is it. Crying to people isn't my nature. I don't like people feeling sorry for me. And I don't know why she would betray my trust like that. I know she loves me and worries but she totally disregarded the very thing I asked her NOT to do. I hate the way this makes me feel.My attitude sucks now, and I'm not happy anymore. I was fine till all this today. I had myself in a good place. Now I don't know were I am. My husband says if people ask he'll deal with it. He said no biggy. But it is to me. No matter waht happens in the future I plan on lying to my family and just telling them "everything worked out fine", even if it doesn't. I don't know what hurts worse, people knowing or being mad at my mom.

Kel

Kelly, it hurts to have people betray your trust. I agree that your mom should not have promised and then gone back on it. On the other hand, it sounds as though she believes strongly in the power of prayer. She may have decided that your healing was more important than her breach of that promise.

Though I understand your feelings, I would recommend you save your strength for healing and not put it into anger at your mom. If she has a history of sharing what you feel is private, then you're probably right to keep information to yourself. For now, maybe you can come up with a stock response to the inquiries from friends and neighbors that recognizes their concern, but signals your wish for privacy. "I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. We expect to announce full recovery as soon as that's confirmed. In the meantime, we want to limit discussion to avoid alarming the children."

My two cents. Best wishes!

Kelly, I, too, think that your mum really believe in the power of prayer, as do I. But I think she should have told the truth, rather than broken a promise. Might be best if you don't hold a grudge against her or anything like that.

First exam this morning. The bit of study I did seemed to pay off as I didn't get stuck on any forumlae at all.
BUT, I think just about everyone stuffed up on this ONE question...
Someone please remind me next time there's a maths exams that PENDULUMS SWING FORWARDS ***AND*** BACKWARDS.

Excuse me, I have to go bang my head against the wall now.

Jen

Hey all,

Joseph's on t.v. now.

What is it about Paul's sweet face that just makes the day a little better? (we'lle have to ask Andrea since she's had the "in person" effect. : )

That and I feel much better since venting earlier. Thanks for the advise, guys!

xoxo Kel

Glad you're feeling better Kelly.

Jen — go easy on those walls now! HeeHee. I know what you mean, though. I've had more than a few of those "Doh!" moments in my life.

Mary, Marge and Tim — thanks for your prayers and good wishes. I hope you'll be vigilant about those blood tests, Tim, and that you'll soon be in a position to get the health coverage you deserve. (We need to replace our current leader and stop the insurance and pharmacuetical businesses from writing laws in their favor.) My husband is hoping that he'll bring in enough income over the next few years from the entertainment industry so we can keep our health coverage at least until the boys leave for college.

Kelly
I am sorry that your Mother betrayed a trust. I am sure she thought that she was doing the right thing. I don't know how close your are to your Mother, but you might want talk to her and let her know how you feel about what she did. Forgive her and channel your thoughts and feelings on your upcoming medical challenges. I am saying a private prayer for you and thinking positive thoughts. We all care about you and everyone else on PC. It's a place to vent our feelings, feel comfortable about talking just about anything, and let each other know that we care very deeply for one another.

Paul
You are an inspiration to us all. If it were not for you, we would not be so open with each other. You have taught us to feel free to talk about just anything here. A special love to you, Andrea and your girls.

I have a santuary I go to, where it is quiet and peaceful and just sit and meditate or just empty my mind, forget for a short while about worries, kids, spouses, work, or anything else that is troubling you. My place is my friend's fish pond in her back yard, which is a wildlife sanctuary. There are all kinds of wildlife there. A white turkey just turned up recently this spring. She has no idea where it came from. She has made nest boxes for wood ducks, and barn owls. There is also a doe with twin fawns every spring that comes through. An occasional blue herron (stork about 3ft tall) comes through, but she dis-courages them as they eat the gold fish. In the summer the horses are turned out in the pastures there. It's wonderful to see a horse grazing or just snoozing in the warm sunshine.

Every year at Easter she has an adult Easter Egg hunt. She and her husband hide about 500 plastic eggs in her pastures. They are filled with numbers for prizes, money, candy (of course) and sometimes lottery tickets. Each year we find some from the past Easter egg hunts. One had been broken open by something. Another was the home of a slug. YYUUKK!!!

Getting ready to go on our Women's retreat in a few weeks. I started taking my RV, as I am not a "dorm" person. As I am the only one in the camping area, it's a wonderful retreat out in the woods, when not in the meetings.

Guess I have rambled on long enough.

Love to everyone, including newbys. Welcome!
Take care
Marge

Kelly, I understand why you feel the way you do. Your mother should have respected your privacy on something so personal. I'm sure her motives were based on love for you and feelings of wanting to do something to help you, her daughter. But that does not change the effect her action has had on you and your family. Diane's advice is, I think, wise and practical. Don't portion any of your energy in her direction at the moment. You need it yourself. And as Diane suggests, having a 'stock response' will enable you not to react each time anyone approaches you on the matter. As a final thought - maybe some good will come of this in some way, either for you or your children. You never know. And lastly, all that prayer will be out there for you.

For what it's worth, I think you are doing great and are showing resources of strength that anyone would be proud of. Hang in there.

Marge, please give me directions to this place! I wish I was heading there now, instead of out the door to Monday morning work!

Take care everyone,
Mary

Thanks Diane...I'm searching for a job with insurance. At the very least 20hours a week with Starbucks. Their benefits are "amazing."

Kelly, I understand completely the out of control feeling that causes. I do think your mom had best intentions but for now, change your phone number. Make it unlisted. It'll stop the whiney calls. A dear friend of mine just found out she has breast cancer again. I saw her yesterday. She had cut her hair off short again, b/c it's going to fall out. She's undergoing intense Chemo this time. I just gave her a big hug and told her I loved her. I asked how she was. Of course she said...like shit. That's just her..And I said well so do I my neck is killing me. She then proceeded to tell me one of her off the wall jokes and started laughing. She is a great lady. I don't think she's going to be leaving us anytimge soon. She has too much good in her. For some reason she's just being tested by the universe.

Paul again so glad to hear you're working out your feelings and planning ahead. Paul's Place sounds wonderful. Best wishes to you, Andrea and the kids of course. You just never know what's around the bend.

Love to Auntie Mil and Whit...

peace and love

Tim

Dear Diane and Kelly,

As you face your "challenges" you know that you have the love and support of all of us on PC.

Kelly, it was wonderful to talk to you. You sounded so lovely and upbeat, and then, we learned that after our conversation, the problem with the revelation about your medical problem occurred. Nothing to do about it now. Please go on being as precious and sweet as you are, and take in all the energy and love that this Corner has for you and Diane.

Diane, if it is any consolation at this time, I, like Mary, had a friend that faced the same medical problem, and came through it with flying colors.

My friend was a dancer in my last Follies, when a malignant polyp was discovered. She was not a youngster, near 80. She had the resection, and told me from her hospital bed that she would return to the show, and so she did, dancing with her partner, in a matter of months! She is well today.

Janice has good advice: "Elbows up, head held high, feet moving forward." (Janice, I tried that and found the elbows part hard to do...like trying to chew gum and walk at the same time!)

Diane, thank you for your best wishes on our 51st. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Kelly, and I have already put you on the PC (Paul Convention) list.

Tim, I'm not kidding about your performing on the Wynmoor stage. It is truly awesome, to look out and see 970 people staring at you... however, you will find them all friendly and supportive! Someone once said, "even if one burps, the audience will applaud!"

Peace and love,

Mil

Dear Paul,

You've been on my mind all morning and last night. Joseph was also on television here in Orlando. That is probably one of the reasons for a lot of thought. I'm on spring break now (teacher not student) so I have more time to think.

I felt such concern, fear, sadness for your situation last night and this morning. It must be so much harder for you than the rest of us when we are out of work. Kind of the heights of heaven and the depts of hell seems to be show business, and as you have said, there is such a disparity between what actors get paid and regular jobs. I know I'm ventilating cause I really don't want to bring you down. I really don't. But my heart is with you and your family. Does Andrea work? I don't even know you and yet my heart and prayers are with you. Kind of gushy but true. There I will stop apologizing for my feeling.

It does sound like a good idea to keep your sights on the future as you are doing - getting a job in a liquor store. Try not to drink to much of the stock.

Take care thoughts and prayers are with you. I will try to keep them more positive coming in your directions.

Blessings,

Joan from the other side of down under.

P.S. I'm going to take some tap classes with my time off. You inspired me to get a move on with that.

P.S.S. Kelly, you continue to me in my thoughts and prayers.

Hey all,

I'm back from yet another doctor appointment. No diabeties, no more high white blood cells. I could have had the shoulder surgery after all but they don't want to till my neck is cleared. Two down and the big one to go. Love to all,

Kelly

Paul and all,

I’ve been lurking long enough, having read all the posts from the beginning of the archive. I feel know you all, in a sneaky, guerilla-tactic kind of way, certainly more than you know me.

So it’s time to fess up and come out of the shadows, to be allowed hopefully to join in this marvelous fellowship, one unlike any other I have yet found in this world, cyber and real.

It does not seem fair to partake in the potluck and not bring anything to the table, so with your indulgence, I will bring to the table the story of my own journey, by way of self-introduction and as entrance fee to the club.

With your permission, and while thanking Cat for making this party possible, and thanking Paul for who he is, thus making Cat’s making of this party possible, I will begin (and DO forgive the melodrama, it is a melodramatic story).

I was a child of tragic privilege. The privilege came in the form of chauffeurs, nannies and private tutors. The tragedy came in the form of my mother’s suicide when I was four, and abandonment from an unknown father, whose face I have never seen and whose name was whispered only by servants in the shadows of my youth.

1968 Saigon (now Ho Chi Minh City) was not a forgiving place for an unwed woman with child from a married man, especially a strong-willed young girl, defiant of family advice, reckless with tradition and mores, bent on capturing an uncapturable love. The problem was, he didn’t love her, and wanted only the quenching of lust that she mistook for love.

And so, she ended her journey. I tell myself, looking sometimes at the black and white photo -- the only photo -- I have of her and think, the despair must have been unbearable. It MUST have been, right? for the exit to be so unkind to those left behind. To me, THE one left behind who should count the most. I should have been loved more than Life, and therefore also more than Death.

The darkness must have been unbearable. Something beyond the scope of anything that I, optimistic by nature, can possibly feel.

But, let’s move on. Evidently I’m not writing to you now from Ho Chi Minh City. I am at my home in Florida USA, with a husband, my love of 16 years, who is outside building our new home, probably putting in electrical conduits. He is the mate of my soul, the one who has defined Joy in this journey for me ever since we first met.

This geographical transition from Saigon to the US began on a tempestuous sea, in 1975 at the end of the Viet Nam war on a boat floating to unknown destinations.

Then (fast forward): immigration, school, college, 1.5 years wandering about in Australia with above-mentioned love, graduate studies, marriage to above-mentioned love, and now, cushy job. And along the way, the inevitably Americanization of personality and attitudes.

Perhaps from having reached 40 this year (that mid-life crisis alarm clamoring for a tune-up?), I turn inevitably back to those previous stations on the journey and wonder if there could be more to me (Paul as you wrote, if there could be less of the “less”), had a different path been chosen by my mother that did not involve an early exit. I do not miss the one, but the other--she seems to me indispensable, and sometimes I miss her while not even remembering her.

Could she have imparted to me an essence of me and of her and of us -- something so intrinsically centered, that would allow me a sense of belonging regardless of where I am in the world?

So out of that wonder, now many years older than she at the time of her death, I am trying to reach an open place where I can explain to myself what that loss really means, IF it means anything at all.

Lisa Gerard, a favorite musician, had insightfully written on her web site: “To come into contact with the most serious problems that we face, it’s necessary to tell our story to ourselves, to understand how we’ve arrived at that place. And though at times it’s difficult to make contact with yourself, because of being led away from that stream of who you are, you must work very hard to make your way back.”

So here I am, trying to work my way back, and feeding from the fountain of inspiration that is you Paul, who in addition to being a true artist, are an old soul, and who more than most of us are capable of telling so fully and elegantly his own story to himself.

Your openness to life is a beacon, and I follow it in the hope that exposure to the same openness will help me find my own way back to that stream of who I am. Life is a journey, as you said, the trick is not only to simply amble blindly along, but to be conscious of each movement. The true masters can even make it into a dance.

The more life becomes hectically mundane for me, the more I find that I must stay in contact with the things I need to remain sane. This corner, this little cyber-café of the mind, is a shelter in the whirlwinds of my life. I stop here to get a bit of latte for the soul, and Paul, you serve the best soul latte on the web.

Mary
I don't know where you live, but I'm sure there is a special place just for you to meditate. Keep looking and you will find it. Sometimes you can find a little chapel somewhere off the beaten path and go in just sit in the quiet. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but you can go in anyway and just sit. I'm sure there are parks where you can go and find a small quiet place. In the winter I have a little chapel that I go to and just sit and listen to the quiet. Sometimes the organist is practicing, but I don't mind that.

Hanh
Welcome to our PC family
What a wonderful and yet sad story you have brought to our 'potluck'. I feel joy for you, that you have truly survived. No one can imagine what it was like if you were not there during the Viet Nam war. So many of our vetrans have had a hard time coping, even now.

I have been very fortunate that none of my family was ever touched by any of the wars the US has been involved in. My son-in-law is in the Navy, but he is stationed in Wash. DC. He was in the Gulf for a short period of time, just before he took his current assignment.

Kelly
I am gld that the tests turned out on the positive side. (Big sigh of relief) You are still in my prayers and thughts. Let us know about how the procedure goes.

Paul
Love to you and your family. I too am curiour if Andrea works. I still would like to know if your girls read or dance.

Love to all
Take care
Marge

Hanh,

Your post was very eloquently written. And spelled correctly, since I had to look up every other word in the dictionary!! Just kidding !!

Welcome to the family!! Who did you grow up with? Where did you go to collage, and what profession is your "cushy" job in?

Kelly

Kelly and Marge,

Thank you for your warm welcome. :)

Kelly, to answer your questions:

Who I grew up with: My mother had left a letter to her only sister to request that I be brought up with her children. My aunt and her husband were my guardians.

Where I went to college: Bachelors from Calvin College, a small private college in Michigan, Masters in Computer Science from Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton, FL.

My cushy job: I sit at home typing on my laptop programming and answering emails. That's the micro picture, the reality of what I do when examined frame-by-frame. In the macro picture I am a project manager for an international banking and investment firm, one of the largest 3. I manage a global system that tracks training and certifications for their employees to ensure conformance with regulatory requirements. That's fancy talk for I make sure an Oracle database keeps working 7x24.

I telecommute 100% working through a satellite link to connect to the corporate network. There are days when I teleconference with Vice Presidents in my bathrobes. The trick is to SOUND like you're fully dressed up in a suit, up since 7am, hair coiffed, teeth brushed, and not tousled and bedraggled with feet still in slippers. Ah, the power of the Internet.

In case any of you are actually able to place the company I work for and locate my name in the corporate directory, note for the record that I will deny all accusations of having said "There are days when I teleconfrence with Vice Presidents in my bathrobes."

(In that instance, Cat would be receiving a generous Gift of Love by way of a handsome fee to delete all references of said quote)

Hanh, I was mesmerised reading your post. You expressed yourself so beautifully. I am very taken with the whole idea of 'telling our story to ourselves'. It sounds like what I have been trying to do in my own way for a good while now, but I have never put it into words as perfectly as that. It took me a long time to get back to that 'stream of who I am'. The currents were very strong in so many other directions. But, in recent times (very recent in fact), I have found a place within the very essence of who I am and in that place, all is calm and joyful, regardless of what else is going on in my life. And really, I believe I was helped to reach this place after finding Paul and this incredible group of people here. I had done plenty of wandering around, learning all kinds of lessons, but here I have found a resting place for my soul. Paul's wisdom, compassion and openness to life and living have all had a profound effect on how I view my life and how I approach it now. And I am just one of many here. I think each of us knows how lucky we are to have been able to step within his circle of light. Not only that, I can honestly say that each person here has made an impression on my life in some way, for which I will always be grateful. Thank you for the impression you have made on me today! And welcome!

Hi Marge! Yes, I actually have a few different places where I can recharge spiritually, but when I posted this morning, they seemed very far away!
The most special place I have, I only visit once a year, when school closes. Around this time of the year, I start to get all kinds of yearnings to be there. When you talked about your special place, I got such a feeling of peace from your words. You are obviously very tuned in to your prayer and meditation. I have a church close enough to me, in the centre of a busy town where I get immense peace and calm. It is actually in the town where I was born and grew up. I think that's why I feel so comfortable there.

Kelly, that's great news about the tests. Stay positive. We're all behind you.

Michelle, I've been thinking of you today. I hope you are well.

Peter, I miss having you around but I'm glad that we're not the only ones who appreciate how wise and talented you are! Hope the work is going well.

Sending love to Paul, Diane, Millie, Inn, Tim, Janice and to everyone in PC.

Take care, all of you,
Mary

Welcome Hanh!! Thank you for finally coming clean and sharing with us your story and your writing. You ask some good questions - an open place to explain the loss? An open place like the soul perhaps? I have tried to make sense of my brothers suicide and tried to make sense out of the comings and goings of life. What I have found is that in the attempts and struggles to make sense of things, to get the damn questions answered I all too often find myself jamned inside some dark cramped and uncomfortable space with no entrance or exit. I am stuck in the middle of a mountain, rock all around holding me firm, no escape, no light, no answers and then the issue becomes the weight of that mountain and wether I can escape it and survive it's completeness or non completeness as the case may be.

In short you are the open place, you are the window to your soul and it a window to you. If you allow yourself that, you will find as you sit quietly in this place, there are many people who sit there with you including your mother. There wont be any discussion or answering of questions, there is only the buzz of beingness. Sadness and joy become one, aloneness and loneliness become as one, life and death become one. There is no meaning to this place other than it exists to light the space within us. And reflect this place outward. As I have gotten to know this place well enough I have started to have conversations with those that sit with me. Perhaps I have found answers but more often I have found solace and a sense of peace at sharing this time and this place with myself.

I could go in to describing what this place looks like but it would be different for every one.

Loss always stays with us. It has no meaning it just is. Loss is a feeling and emptiness that cannot be filled by answers (though I am still trying) I think what we seek is meaning to our life and often loss is what makes us question that more rigorously. Question life, try and make sense of that and I am sure we will go much further along the path than if we stop to try and make sense of loss.

Thank you for allowing me to go off on this tangent, I will contemplate it further but for now I have rambled and it is time to make my wife her morning coffee.

Oh some have asked if Andrea works. Yep she works her gorgeous butt off looking afater our girls and me and the house and all those infinitely important things regarding bringing up three daughters with all the physcal, mental, psycological and spiritual guidance required and of cousre all the washing. She is going to dance with the Australian Ballet as a guest in May for two weeks during the season of Swan Lake - playing the Queen Mum! She teaches occassionally and often corrects me on my spelling (where is she now!?!?)We are a great team!

Marge, my kids dont dance in as much as wanting to be dancers. In fact Elise has just started jazz just for fun and fitness. They all read and love to do that. It is very dangerous walking anywhere near a bookshop with my kids!! All of us read in bed before going to sleep and read during the day when we can. I think it is important and healthy to read and so do they - it is one of lifes great joys!

Hahn,

I am new to this also. Like you, I carefully read through each post feeling, by the time I reached the last one, that I knew each one of these fine people. Even though I knew that I would be welcomed, I put off posting my thoughts until the last few days. I, unfortunately, do not have your gift with the written word...I type, delete, type more and delete more!! Your life story is just amazing! I had what I always considered to be a boring childhood (raised on a farm in Ohio) but then I read what you lived through and am reminded that my "boring childhood" was a blessing! Thank you so much for sharing!!

Kelly, as I said, I am new to this and I don't know you as well as the others do but I would like to say that I am thankful that you had some good news from your dr today. I hope it is okay if I remember you in my prayers and meditations throughout the days to come. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, but my mother is a 17 year survivor of breast cancer. I can remember how strong she was supporting her children and husband through the time of fear and uncertainty of having her breast removed and the chemotherapy that made her so deathly ill. She was so brave. When my oldest sister was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago my mother, who had been so strong throughout her own cancer experience, completely fell apart!! So, I think your mom just is extremely concerned for you and has a strong belief in the power of prayer--I think she shared out of love for you, unfortunately, it got out of control. I was glad to see you seemed to be in better spirits last night and today!! When my mom talks with people now she tells them to keep a positive attitude and remember you can beat anything!!

Grandma Mil, can I come to Florida now??? :?)We are expecting 7 inches of snow tonight!! Where is spring???

Paul, I want to tell you how much I have enjoyed getting to know you through your posts. It took me a while to get through them all (and even longer to build up enough nerve to jump in and post myself) but some nights when I was feeling down either you or one of the "friends" here at PC could bring a smile and a giggle! Thanks so much!! Always know your talent, not only with dance, but now with the written word is greatly appreciated!!

And thanks so much again to all at PC for making me welcome!! I hope to get to know all of you better in the future!

Lori

Lori welcome and thankyou for your words (wonderfully written) and for sharing you self here with all of us.

Kelly I didnt say anything before as I was kinda in a space (place) but I agree with the others who have expressed that whilst your Mum broke a promise she did so out of love, concern and a mothers desire to heal a loved one as best she could. Dont be angry for long! Tell her how you feel (have you) and then forgive and let go. Secrets and lies I think are a bit like cancer themselves - they often eat away at us and are better let out and freed to dissipate into the nothingness they are. I hope that you are well and choosing the positive pathways in this matter.

My wife and I are keeping you in our thoughts, as we are also for Diane!

Hello to Hanh and Lori, Your words are so beautiful and your stories are as well. I'm sure you're going to like it here. Everyone is so kind and supportive and Paul makes it all happen -thanks, Paul!

Kelly and Diane, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know all will go well as a positive attitude is the first step to wellness.

Paul, good to see you have some "irons in the fire". As always, wishing you good luck.

My birthday is tomorrow, March 16th, and I'm reaching a milestone that I don't like. It wasn't hard to accept 30, 40, or even 50, but tomorrow is the big 60. It's hard sometimes to have age creep up on you. Seems like I just blinked and here I am! I don't look, act, or feel my age. Mentally, I feel the same as I did when I was younger, and it seems like everyone around me is getting older, but I'm not. Is that weird or what? So, I am going to ask Queen Mum Mil for some advice or words of wisdom on how to keep it going like she has. I want to be one of those women who wears a purple hat. Think I can do it?

Here's a shout out to all my fellow PC'ers. Hope all is well.

Sally C.

P.S. It was 60 degrees out today and tomorrow we're getting snow - go figure! HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S TO ALL!!!

Hi PC,
Kelly: I hear you when you say your Mom broke her promise to you, but as a Mom myself I'm thinking she probably spoke to others out of her own fear and needed to hear that you will be OK from others. Mom needs emotional support at this time as you do. It's also a Mom thing that we fall short of perfection, and when we do our kids really nail our hides to the wall.

Please forgive us for our shortcomings as we forgive our kids for theirs throughout their lives. Life is far too short to remain angry at her. You are the best part of your Mom so tell her how you feel, forgive her, then move on and maintain your focus on your health.

If Mom sees that you are forgiving, perhaps she can forgive herself. If you don't, she can't.

Just one Mom's thoughts,
J.

Janice, what you wrote to Kelly really struck a chord with me. God knows, I have fallen short of perfection many times as a mother despite my best efforts, but I couldn't love anyone more than I do my two sons.

Kelly, I hope you and your mother find healing together. My older son was very ill as a small baby and I can still remember the feeling of frantic helplessness that I felt then. No matter how old you are, to her, you will always be her child. By the way, I thought tonight that I would pray especially to your guardian angel for you. I remember the great faith you (and indeed your mother) have in their intercession. Sending love to you.

Mary

Welcome Hanh and Lori. It was great to read your posts. This is a wonderful place full of loving caring people all brought together by a great actor and now a great mate to all of us. He and Andrea both actually, for he wouldn't be himself if it weren't for Andrea and of course the girls. He is a composite person, made up of so many facets that it makes his writings unique and inspire us which in turn inspires us to help others.

Welcome again.

Oh and Aunt Mil..I can't wait. I'll do something fabulous. Short, but fabulous. I'm losing weight too, so maybe I'll look like my picture on the site. : )

Hugs to Kelly and Diane...

peace and love you guys.

Tim

OK let me lay some background down about my mother and I. We have been best friends forever. She has always been the one I tell my secrets to first. We have always been closerthanthis. I know she loves me and is very fearful for what "could be" and SHE needed the strength from the prayers as much as I do. I know this. But he fact that the person I am closest to next to my husband and kids, would disregard my feelings like that, hurt me to the bone. I am feeling quite over it, pretty much, I love my mom very much and know we will always be there for each other. In fact, I made my husband agree before we got married, that if anything happened, my mom would live with us. I have spoken to her as best as I could through tears and anger. She understood my anger and i understood her concern. I'm not angry anymore.
I am over it.

Paul, I think your right about secrets and lies. I will try not to keep them. Bless you and Andrea for your warm thoughts and prayers. To think, I found this group of people that I love, all because of YOU. Because you are willing to put yourself out there for us. REally how you feel and your thoughts and emotions, you are inspiring, and Andrea must be nothing short of spectacular, we all know our men couldn't be half what there are without us behind you all the way!!! It works in reverse, as well, just not as often! You have not just a fan for life, Paul, but a friend for life.

Janice, you made me cry! you hit it dead on. Thats how I would feel if I did this to my children. Thanks for the light. Love you!

Thanks to everyone, Sally, Mary, Marge, MIl (my queen), Joan. Tim, Diane, Lori. I love ya all very much. You have lifted me from grief and anger and I appreciate it now and forever. I say thank you in my prayers for all you guys every night. I can't imagine my life without all of you. I can't wait till I am bouncing off the walls with excitment again. (my son's travel baseball starts next month, yeah!) I LOVE YOU ALL I LOVE YOU ALL I LOVE YOU ALL ... FOREVER !!!

Kel

HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY!!!! AND AN EARLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PAUL !!!!

KEL

Dont start on my birthday yet!!! It is a couple of weeks away and if I start getting birthday messages now it will only make me feel way too old!

Happy birthday to Sally!!! Coopers will be raised in the air for your 60 years young!! You know Sally I turn 41 at the end of the month and I feel just like you do! Just goes to show we are in fact ageless, the journey is the same, the experiences there to be had and loves to be fulfilled no matter what the number of the forwarding year.

Mary, you flatter me, but I can assure you that I am underserving. I've been a little quiet lately because, basically, I've reached my limits and am in danger of becoming overwhelmed.
Luckily I know where to stop (or so I tell myself). Fortunately, all me efforts are coming to fruition and the outcome is well beyond my original expectations. You can be lucky sometimes! I guess my turn has come.

I hope thet you are well, Mary.

Best wishes to everyone at PC, especially those who aren't having a great time at present.

Peter

Good morning everyone.

Kelly, forgive your mother, forget the betrayal, if your tumor is cancerous, you will only be giving it fuel to grow. I'm convinced that many cancer's worsen under stress and anger. Pray, meditate, do whatever it takes to be calm and positive. My 2 cents worth.

Paul: I have a recipe for Brisket from a local Supermarket Cookbook. We use it any time we fix a brisket for a family gathering. ( Personally like it better than my brother's and his is pretty darn good but he doesn't have a recipe per se to go by.)
Best Ever Beef Brisket
6 pound beef Brisket
1 teaspon each Garlic Salt and Onion Salt
1 1/2 teaspons of each Salt, Pepper and Celery Salt
2 tablespoons Worcestershire Sauce
Mix Seasonings and Worcestershire sauce together and rub into meat. Wrap tightly in heavy duty aluminum foil. Place in 9 x 13" Pyrex or roaster. Cook 7 to 8 hours at 275 degrees.
Take out of oven and remove from foil. Reserve 1 cup of broth for sauce; discard remaining broth.
Trim fat, slice brisket and return to pan. Mix together ingredients for sauce; bour over brisket slices and bake at 300 degrees for 1 hour.

Sauce:
1/2 cup Sugar
1 cup Barbeque Sauce
1 cup broth (from cooked brisket)
1 cup Russian salad dressing.

(This is from United Supermarkets Twenty Minute Masterpieces Cookbook)

I've never bought anything smaller than 10 to 12 pound brisket, so usually double all the ingredients. I also trim a lot of the fat off before I put the rub on it since we are not cooking over an open pit or grill, then trim as much more of it off as I can before slicing. I've also taken the broth and put it in the freezer so that the liquid fat will solidify so I can skim that off the broth as well. But it is wonderful. Hope you will try it for yourself.

Another tax deadline came and went today. Now it's a frantic rush to April 15th. I do mean a frantic rush. The Boss fell off his bicycle yesterday (3/14/04) and broke his right leg just above the ankle. Had surgery on it today and was very unhappy that he was not allowed to go home tonight and that he possible will not be allowed to go home before Wednesday. The doctors told his wife and brothers that he would be off work for 2 to 3 weeks. I figure he will be at the office Thursday or possibly Friday at the latest. He has never had surgery of any kind until this and will surely be the typical male patient. It has been difficult keeping a straight face while listening to his ire. This is a reality he has never had to face before and he isn't liking it one bit. He's no longer in control. This injury will dictate his coming and going to the office. His vehicle is a Standard shift and unless his wife gives over his van he's going to have difficulties driving.
Fortunately the kids are out of school this week for spring break and the oldest could drive him to work but next week will be another story.
This shall be very intersting.

Well, I've rambled on long enough, Happy belated anniversary to Mil and Ellie Hope you celebrated in high style. I may just have to come see you in when we come to Tampa in December. I've been across Alligator Alley before. DH lived in Ft Lauderdale two winters back in '85 and '86.

Hugs to all you good folks at the 'Corner.
Sherrlyn

Happy Birthday, Sally! Age is a state of mind, isn't it? And before Millie imparts her own wisdom, let me just say that the women I know who move with strength and confidence into their 50s and 60s and 70s are absolutely radiant. So you just keep on glowing, Sister!

Millie, thank you for telling me about your friend. I've been talking to people and hearing about full recoveries. I have more questions for the doctors now, but I'm also more encouraged.

Welcome, Hanh and thank you for sharing your story. A few years ago, a psychic told me that he could see my parents and that they were smiling down on me and offering me roses. I felt very peaceful with his statement. No doubt your mother is grateful that you have developed the resiliance that eluded her and she, too, smiles on you. (By the way, I sometimes work in my pajamas in my home office. Feels pretty good.)

Welcome also to Lori! Glad you've joined us and thanks for your words of wisdom.

Kelly, keep up with the good reports. More prayers are headed your way tonight. Paul, Andrea, Tim, Sally, Mary — thanks again for your healing thoughts and prayers.

Mmmmm, Sherrlyn, I want that brisket... NOW! (I have to do the clear liquid thing today in preparation for another procedure tomorrow and my mouth was watering as I read your recipe.)

Peter, continued best wishes on your endeavors. Happy news about unexpected gains is always welcome.

Hugs to all!

Paul,

Like all, I have found that the self-exploration of my own story has been (and is) a treacherous trek with many pitfalls and sadness. Along the way, I get a little help from my friends, which gets me through the big gaps that I can't cross myself. I do emerge on the other side mostly unscathed though, and more open to acceptance of the things that are. But the experience is not without its scars, is it?

With each demon undertaken for expulsion, I take an infinitesimally small step closer to being that purer child of the universe. But sometimes, depending on the baggage that nasty bastard drags along, that acceptance must be fiercely fought for, relentlessly reasoned at, and often in the end, purchased with some pain.

It is not easy to accept that I was not important enough a reason for a mother to sacrifice the pain of living to the easy surrender of escape. I do not think it possible to understand the void, unless you emerse yourself in the void -- and that is a most unpleasant journey.

So the argument for the reason for her choice, whatever my mind has concluded it must be, must travel through its requisite turns in my consciousness, to eventually, hopefully, arrive at a point of egress where the soul can sit back, and say, it’s ok -- her pains were acute, her reasons are excusable.

I guess what it is, is the ultimate forgiveness we must offer to those who wrecklessly leave us, who don’t care if they carve a gaping hole in our hearts that bleeds each time we think of them, who part so suddenly without offering us as much as chance for intervention, a chance to bring enough light into their darkness to dispel whatever inner demons may have haunted them. I think it is the same abyss that many must pass, but if you haven’t done it, hey it’s new to you. And anything new, without maps or guides, is a scary thing at best.

I find that forgiving the decision is easy – I can accept the reasons. For me, what is more difficult is the lack of memory for the togetherness that could have been. I have no memory of her touch or her voice, of how smooth her skin really was, is it really like the ivory cheeks I see in the black-and-white? I envy (in a loving way) the chats you have with your mother, the support she gave you for the courageous decision to devote to dancing, the way your typed words shout Joy when you wrote Mum’s come for a visit.

So, you are right Paul, the only thing left to do is to miss them -- as if they were on the other side of the world unable to buy a plane ticket to visit us -- and not across the universe, and to sit with them in the half whispers of quiet moments, knowing that we will see them again when our spirits reconvene at a time and place beyond this present existence, when all questions will finally be answered.

Mary, such kind words! Don’t you wish Paul would hurry up and set up Paul’s Place so we can all plan a trip to Melbourne for opening night? Drink his place dry, trash it and go home? (kidding, Paul, about going home).

Kelly, do not decry your “boring” childhood. I would love to have been raised on a farm in Ohio. Not all hardships are good for the soul, some just leave it pretty battered, taking simply more time to resettle back to the joy it should have had from the start.

Sally C., Happy Birthday tooooooo yooouuuuuuuu, Happy Birthday tooooooooo yoouuuuuuu, Happy Biiiiiiiiiiirthday deeeeaaar Sallllllllyy. Haaaaaapppy Biiiirrthday toooo youuuuuuuu (and maaaaaaany mooooooore). Purple hats are always in if you wear it with ATTITUDE. You go girl.

Tim, thanks for warm welcome, mate. Yes, we wouldn’t admire Paul as much if he didn’t love Andrea and the E’s to the extent he does. Only through the longevity of sustained love can it be shown that the love is real. That is what we admire in him, isn’t it, that what is in him, is real.

Diane, yeah drag feet out of bed at 10am, meetings in PJs, can’t top that can you?

By the way, when is Paul’s birthday? (38 and holding is it now, Paul?)

In reprieve for the two posts which my nephew would categorically categorize as "bummers", I offer here one of humor, freshly and brazenly stolen from the Car Talk radio show on NPR.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL (National Football League) 5.0, NHL (National Hockey League) 4.3, MLB (Major League Baseball) 3.0, and NBA (National Basketball Association) 3.6.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Desperate:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: "C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME" to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

Remember, though, that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly 10.8. Whatever you do: DO NOT install Mother-in- Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

Sally, only 60? A mere child! Happy birthday from one who's been there, done that..the best is yet to come!

Welcome to Lori and Hanh!

Hanh, do I dare dream that you live in the vicinity of Coconut Creek, FL, where my husband and I live?

Julie lives in Ft. Lauderdale, and we've met in person twice, and I've hugged her to pieces both times, so be forewarned!

We live in a gated retirement community, south of Boca Raton and north of Ft. Lauderdale.

I am planning a "Paul Convention" in Febr. 2005, and over 12 people from PC have professed interest in attending. It will coincide with my show, "Follies 2005" which just went into rehearsals, and will be presented on Febr. 7th, 8th, and 9th, 2005, in our big Theatre.

Tim is already shining up his tap shoes for a cameo spot when everyone from PC attends a special morning matinee.

I have already found a lovely hotel, and rooms will be held, even though it seems a long way off.

The social director told me to make reservations soon, and secure it with our credit card, and she will hold the rooms and the card will not be charged until our people check in.

The attendees plan to come from Ireland (our Mary), Minnesota, Michigan, Georgia, California,
New York, West Virginia, Florida, etc. It will be more exciting than any political convention!
Now, if only Paul, Andrea, and kids could attend....

I am showing "Strictly Ballroom" tonight,(Tuesday) and expect a full auditorium...again.

It will start at 7:00 p.m. (EST) so a moment of levity, everyone, I'll feel the vibes! The lucky folks tonight will enjoy it on DVD on a 9 ft. screen. I'll have to contain myself from running up and kissing Paul on the screen!

Peace and Love,

Mil

Today - a good day's worth of (bludging) study...

English assessment tomorrow. We'll be watching some sequence from SB (I think I'm pretty sure I know which one it is - my guess is that it's the Tryouts sequence) and we have to do an essay or something on it. *jangles good luck charms*

Sally, Sheng Ri Kuai Le (that's Happy Birthday in Chinese). Hope this year will be better than the rest of them!

bai bai for the moment,

Jen

Hanh,

I don't live in Ohio. I live in Michigan, and my childhood was anything but boring! Thats ok, it's easy to get us mixed up at first. I am glad yours here.

Diane, hugs and kisses, I will be thinking of you today, hope the procedure goes smooothly.

Love to all,
Kelly

SNOW DAY!!!

It's snowing here in Ohio (USA)and I have the day off from school. I'm an art teacher at a middle school. Paul, my favorite snowy/rainy day film is "Strictly Ballroom". After reading the entries at Paul's Corner I am so impressed with your determination and positive attitude. Your love and devotion to your family (which is very sexy) is the thing that will get you through life's rough spots.

I am currently working through beer 6.1 and quite frankly it is a great program!

Luff toyu all!

FYI Paul's birthday is March 31st.

Sally
60? Just a youngster! I will be 65 this year in June. A curious thing, my daughter's BD is 8 days after mine, and my grandson's is 8 days after hers. They are coming out in May, I really looking forward to it. I haven't seen my GS since last July.

We are geting so many newby's that I have lost track of all their names. So a BIG welcome to all of you.

Paul
I hope my birthday gift arrives on time. It's something you can do with your family.

I am still looking for that special BBQ recipe my Mother had and so is my daughter.

I know about going by a book store. I also am a fan of used book stores. I collect old books about horses, fiction and non-fiction. I especially love researching horse history of hundreds of years ago.

Tim me lad;
Where do I go to see your picture? I am sure glad that your life is getting back on the positive side. Your are in my thoughts.

My cat is telling me it's time to close. He insists on laying on the mouse of the keyboard, Ugh!

Love to everyone
Take care
Marge

There is so much going on on this board I can't keep up. Happy Birthday Sally. Nice to see you Peter. Welcome to Hahn and Lori. Kelly, I hope the good news keeps coming. Paul, pick me up a nice Shirazz from the store will you? *chuckle*
It's snowing here to so if anyone needs me I'll be in my bed buried under the covers praying that Spring really does arrive on Saturday. Ick.
Peace

Hello from the Ozarks! It is supposed to be sunny and around 60 today, so I will be a happy woman. I have even indulged myself and brought some decent coffee for the office, since the boss is gone. By the way, he is in Fort Meyers, Fla. right now, so if you see a tall guy in and aqua jeep, and a cocker spaniel riding shotgun, tell him, "YOUR MANAGER IS TAKING A VACATION DAY."

These posts are thought provoking and necessitate my printing them for further contemplation.

I can't help but respond with my tried and true recipe for brisket. They are often a really good price per lb. and in my husband's native land, Texas, a staple for barbeques.

prepare brisket by trimming off fat and rubbing with a combo of chili powder, garlic salt, sugar, and meat tenderizer. Mix a marinade of I/2 quart cheap beer and 1 cup barbeque sauce. marinade 24-48 hours. Drink rest of the bottle of beer.
Bake at 200 from 10p.m. to 8 a.m. in a glass dish covered with a tinfoil tent. Put meat on the smoker for 2-4 hours, save drippings from pan.

Sauce:
drippings need to be heated to boiling
1 cup catsup
1/2 c. strong coffee
dry mustard
brown sugar
1 T. apple cider vinegar
Maybe, just maybe, add some of the barbeque sauce.
Heat thoroughly, serve with brisket.

The left-overs make good sandwiches and fajitas.

Have a good day!

Before the sedatives and while I'm still somewhat lucid...

Hanh, I wanted to comment on "It is not easy to accept that I was not important enough a reason for a mother to sacrifice the pain of living to the easy surrender of escape."

Perhaps your mother felt that she was not a good mother and she convinced herself that you would be better off with her sister. When people get caught in a downward spiral and they don't have the resources to get themselves out of it, they make choices based on who they think they are at whatever point they find themselves in that spiral.

My mother died of lung cancer when I was 20. She has not been happy for years and she smoke and drank quite a bit. I started to lose her before she left me, so we never had the kind of mother-daughter relationship that others do and that hurt me for a long time. I felt that chunks of me were missing and I was were angry with her for years. (But, of course, it's not right to be angry with your mom, so you stuff it.) Now that I'm a mother who has struggled through the self-doubts, feelings of inadequacy, and perceived desperations that I imagine plagued my mom, and now that I've made a few mistakes of my own, I can feel only compassion for her. We were poor, she had few skills, no family or other support system, four kids who gave her various problems, and a husband who wasn't really there because my dad worked several jobs to keep the family afloat. Back in the '50s, women had little power, few options, and inferior healthcare, particularly if they were poor. I don't think she chose to desert me by mistreating her body. I think she no longer felt worthy and she just couldn't handle the pain.

May I suggest for your healing that you set up a little altar of sorts in which you place your mother's photo. Then gradually bring to that place items of beauty that have meaning for you. Though you may not have memories of your time together, you are your mother's daughter and surely she lives in your heart in ways that can be expressed symbolically on your altar.

Shalom to you and all here.

Diane

Just found this wonderful quote on Sojourners :

Henri Nouwen on loneliness vs. solitude

"To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. This requires not only courage but a strong faith. As hard as it is to believe that the dry desolate desert can yield endless varieties of flowers, it is equally hard to imagine that our loneliness is hiding unknown beauty. The movement from loneliness to solitude, however, is the beginning of any spiritual life because it is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit, from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play."

- Henri J.M. Nouwen, in Reaching Out

So much good stuff to read! I'll call back later.
But for the moment....

Paul, had a tough enough day today but your last post made me smile. Thanks! I hope it was a good night!!

And Millie, dear Millie.. please consider throwing caution to the wind and acting spontaneously!! SB and Paul on a 9ft screen?? Sounds pretty irresistible to me!! I WISH I could be there with you....

Love to everyone,
Mary

Mary dear, just remember, "you are always in my heart, even though you're far away"...that goes for everyone on PC tonight as Ellie turns down the lights and I press the DVD button to start "Strictly Ballroom".

The strains of "The Blue Danube Waltz" will be heard, and my senior audience will be in complete silence with expectation and excitement!

What a moment I wish I could really share with all of you!

Love,

The Mil

Grandma Mill: I'm an hour from Tampa. I go to meetings in Ft. Lauderdale, but very seldom. If we ever had a chance to meet up, we can discuss favorite parts in SB (that would be the parts between the red curtain opening and the ending credits). ;)

Innussiq: Thank you for the welcome. This nest and its resients certainly offer warm-fuzzies.

Diane: Yes, I feel her presence. The journey I wrote is one already taken and concluded. I am at next stage. That was quite a trip, though -- a lotta potholes.

I know she awaits me when I'm ready and will answer all unanswered questions for which I have need of knowing (but perhaps then, they will no longer matter as I would be of a different essence and perhaps those questions will really be trivial nothings at that time and in that place).

I do feel her spirit every day, literally -- I feel her watching over me, and valid or not, I attribute the countless lucky breaks in life to her interventions: the chance meeting with my husband that led to our love, the relatively easy career paths that seem to open up for me with little efforts (for which I often feel guilty, but not much ). I feel a sense of optimism every day knowing there is good and there is hope, despite the internal demons who crop up once in a while. And yes, I ask for the winning numbers of the Lottery about once a month, although in that respect she has remained quite mum (rats!)

I believe she steered me toward the steps I took in life that put me in the path of meeting my husband because she knows that without him, I would be lost.

The sense of someone watching over me certainly makes any thought of death and its inevitability infinitely easier to contemplate. When Death comes to tap me on the shoulder (as it nearly had with a bout with cancer 7 years back) I know I will not be alone.

Yet, as much as it appears I dwell overly heavily on death and loss, I really am quite passionate about life and love. But I do find the meditative journey to seek answers to the harder questions in life a more strenuous and challenging search for self-knowledge, rather than contemplating say, a magnificent sunset. I need both but they have different purposes -- one is for sheer enjoyment and gladness of living, the other is for delving into our depths and innermost fears and emerging with more self-awareness.

Diane, I feel the caress of the care you hold in your heart for the struggle my posts belie. But, I am not in the pit of despair and my struggles do not defeat me, so be happy for me.

I AM glad of life, because it does give me the chance to love and to work and to play and to look at the stars ...

Snow day?? I wish the credit union I work at knew about that concept!! :?)

Ever had one of those days where you should have just pulled the covers over your head and hid from the world?? That was my day....took me twice the time to get to work because of the snow....was yelled at by a customer immediately after the credit union opened--what a way to start the day!! At break time I hopped on PC to check out the posts and you know what?? I had to laugh...as bad as my day at that point, when I read your post, Paul...it made me laugh! Of course, it also made me wish I was working on a 6th beer too, but as it was only 9:00am I thought the boss might frown on it!! Maybe another time!! When "Paul's Place" becomes a reality maybe we can all meet and have a beer or 2 (or 6 or 7) to thank you for this wonderful place we can meet to share our thoughts and fears!! Thank you for making me laugh today--believe me I needed it!!

Sally, I know exactly how you feel!! Why is everyone I know getting old, except me?? I will hit 42 in July--the tellers at the credit union I work for are all in their early 20's--I don't feel or think of myself any older than they are!! Of course, unfortunately, they too will age and I will still be young--how sad for them!! :?) You wear that hat with pride!! Happy birthday--hope it's been a great day!!

Hello and smiles to everyone!!

Lori

Diane, I'm sending you lots of loving thoughts and light-filled energy to help you in your healing journey. I'm sure you'll be finding strength you weren't aware you had along the way, but rest assured your friends here have always known you to be truly amazing and strong of spirit! Be well, my friend.

Kelly, I'm so happy to hear your good news and am positive there will be more to come! Always remember that all of your friends here are with you in spirit, lifting you up when you need some comfort and giving you that spark to think only positive, healing thoughts. I'm thinking of you every day and will keep you close in my thoughts.

Happy Birthday, Sally C.!!! I wish you much happiness! The world is a better place for having you here and we're a better group for your presence among us. I hope you've celebrated yourself today!

Whitney, are you there? Didn't you mention Wayne Dyer's new book a while back? I watched him on PBS last night and thought what he said was so inspiring! I especially liked, "Change the way you look at something and what you look at will change". A new perspective can be such a good thing at times. I hope you are well.

Hello to all the newbies! Wow, so many new posts! Welcome to all of you.

Mary, I hope your week is going well!

Cheers, Paul! Life is good!

Love to all,
Michelle

Sally, hope you are having/had a wonderful birthday! Age is only a minor detail really, this is really just your special day for celebrating your life (in a big way rather than in an everyday way!)

Lori, I really enjoyed reading your post. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.

Kelly, I hope you are feeling better today. Thinking of you.

Diane, your words about your mother really touched me. I'm sure she is especially close to you at the moment.

What a beautiful quote by Henri Nouwen (I'm not sure who posted it). 'Restless senses to restful spirit'...'fearful clinging to fearless play'. A purification of loneliness, transformed into the bliss of solitude. For a long time, I avoided solitude without realising it. I filled my mind and spirit with busy (unimportant)things. I did my utmost to avoid the journey through loneliness to the other side. Having made it, I now know I couldn't survive without my spells of solitude.

Millie, I know that you know the feeling is mutual! I hope tonight is a resounding success.

Hanh, I'm sure you're right about your mother watching over you. Her love and protection can embrace you in a very special way now. She must be proud of you.

The more I live, the less important the answers to the questions become. It is in the journeying and in the questioning and in the company of those we share them both with, that the true joy and worth lies.

I don't think you can really be passionate about life and love without embracing the issues of death and loss. To me, they are all part of the same circle and each enhances the other to its fullest.

I'm happy that you're through the potholes to the next stage! I hope we can all share some of that journey with you.

Peter, I'm so glad that all your hard work and effort is paying off. You deserve to enjoy the success it brings. Please don't get overwhelmed though. Don't be too hard on yourself, by raising the bar another little bit. Read concern, not interference! Take care.

Hello Michelle! Sending you my best wishes.

I wish everyone here a Happy St.Patrick's Day!!
Day off work tomorrow - lovely!

To Paul and everyone here
Love and care,
Mary

Hi Michelle, I just missed you! It's great to hear from you. Hope life continues to be good.

Love to you,
Mary

Just got home from English assessment, and I have to say that my guess of the Tryouts sequence was almost...frighteningly accurate. The scene the teachers chose was the one right after that.

Diane, I think my Mum and Grandma have had a similar sort of relationship. They don't really talk much about it, but I can tell it through how completely different their thinking processes seem to be. It's a sad thing, but I guess it's become just a part of life for Mum and her sisters. Just try not to worry too much and do what your heart tells you. It's the best advice I can give for anyone in any situation.

Jen

Lori
The next time a customer yells at you, ask them "do you want fries with that?" I have a whole bunch of snippets like that.

Paul On beer 6.0.
I took that to be a tutorial lesson that you were working on your computer to learn more about beverages to prepare for your new job. Was I wrong?

Hanh
Here is a quote I found that might help you with the tragic death of your Mother. "I believe stars in the sky are openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." Find a star and look to it as your Mother. I know she is looking down on you.

Mary Ellen
I have printed out your 'brisket' recipe and am going to try it this summer. When I make something like this in more than one serving, I usually share it with my neighbor, who is raising his two sons by himself.

To whoever posted the quote by Henri Nouwen on loneliness vs. solitude. Thank you

It never ceases to amaze me of all the love, wisdom and sharing everyone does on PC. Whenever a person here on PC is hurting, there always seems to be someome to share a quote or bit of wisdom or humor with them for comfort and support..

Love to all here at PC I don't know how I ever lived without all the love, caring and prayers that come to us here.

OOPS Time to go, Smuff (cat)is getting on the keyboard again.

Take Care
Marge

Uhhmm???? Kinda! Oh and it was beer 6.1 (not 6.0 which vas good but shlihgtly sslow compahhared to 6.1)a very ffaskcinating ....uuhhmm...??/whatwozishayyingk

Paul,

Please forgive me if by the compulsion of my need for self-awareness I intrude into your privacy with my presumptuous attempt to analyze this attraction you hold for us, your fans.

I find it fascinating that I am fascinated by you – it really is not in me to be a “fan”, except of my gorgeous darling husband (I know, you’re scratching your head: was that a compliment?)

So what is it? I don’t care much for Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, but I’m posting on the Paul Mercurio fan site for gottsakes. What's up with that? So, grab a Coopers, sit back, relax, this is a long rambling.

Beauty: For me, it began with the beauty of your form when you danced -- visually mesmerizing and exquisite motions. I think it speaks to to my sense of Beauty and human achievement, that such things could be created to enlighten the soul.

Discipline and Passion: I admire the years of discipline and sacrifice which made possible those enchanting motions. You possess the soul of an artist and an unapologetic passion for life and artistry which flow into the movements of your dance. Perhaps we want to revolve around you because from sharing in your life, we too will possess some element of that universal soul and the passion that keeps it alive and holds it afloat in turbulent times.

Courage: Perhaps you are the other path that we want to have taken in our lives, the one that has the courage and the passion to risk security for soul expression. The price of chasing your dream and of staying true to your craft is costly – placing yourself at the mercy of the vicissitudes of a world that does not highly prize the value of Art, is precarious and frought with gut-wrenching unknowns. Not many of us have the courage to take that path in life, especially with a family. We choose instead the path that best pays the mortgage and let us take our annual 10-day vacation to Hawaii. But in taking that compromised path, we extinguish, or at least dim to a mere flicker, passions that could let our spirits soar.

We come to understand that lost Other only when it is no longer possible to return to the other path. And when we glimpse someone like you, who had the courage to take the other path, the ache for it in our own lives is magnified multi-folds. So, perhaps we want to be with you and share in your life because we want to live vicariously through you, to assume your courage without sacrificing the stability of the path we have chosen.

Wisdom: You are certainly an old soul, Paul. In Tibetan Buddhism, such comfort with the universe is gained only through many spiritual travels. Perhaps I am here looking for a guru. You have a turban and an orange robe?

What amazes me is that you don’t find this grasping for you from strangers, this intrusion into your privacy to be burdensome. You welcome it, open your heart to it. You are an odd duck, Paul. A duck we love (with an orange robe, you will be our favorite Duck A L’orange).

Of course, there is the flattering element of having fans, but fans can want too much of you. Offenses taken when you don’t acknowlege them. Myself, I find I can give with pleasure only when nothing is expected of me. Which brings me to the last point (finish up your Coopers)

Kindness: You are a kind soul. In the eyes of your fans, you are an icon with a kind soul, so there is also that certain element of awe that keeps us moths fluttering around the candle.

It is diffcult to believe, but no professional psychologist was consulted in my analysis of the Paul Mercurio fandom, as worthy of publication in prestigious scientific journals as it may appear.

I know you must be shocked: the quality of the scholarship is so exceptional! How can this be the work of a mere amateur!

Indeed I am considering filing for a large grant from the National Science Foundation to continue studying this phenomenon into the Doctorate level.

Part of the grant will be used to establish an environment where the subjects under study (Paul Mercurio and fans) can be observed in a controlled setting, ensuring the consistent gathering of data.

This observation environment will be called Paul’s Place, and will feature the necessary props to allow the subjects to interact naturally, namely BBQ and beer. On Thursdays, there will be brisketts (a slow-cooked product, meat-like in consistency).

Volunteers wishing to apply for positions in this study, please send a registration fee of US$50 in unmarked bills, along with a photo, Social Security number, birthdate, Mother’s Maiden name, and next of kin, to:

Paul Mercurio’s Fandom Research Program
P.O. Box. 1000
Tampa, FL 33300

Marge,

Thanks for that quote. I like it I like it. Yes, it's good to have a guardian angel, but as I mentioned, she's irritatingly silent about passing on those winning Lottery numbers! ;)

Mary,

You wrote: "I'm happy that you're through the potholes to the next stage! I hope we can all share some of that journey with you."

Oh, don't worry. Now that I've found this place, when I hit a pothole, you'll hear about it. ;)

The Mil here, still reveling in the events of last night, when I showed "Strictly Ballroom"!

I started with an introduction, also mentioning our planned Paul Convention next year, and the audience was impressed with the affection for our Paul from all over the world!

The film was a resounding smash, what else, and there was a collective roar at the end, at the falling of the red curtain, as if no one wanted the magic to end!

The woman sitting next to me was in tears, she was so touched, especially during the paso doble..she kept saying, "look at that, oh, look at that!" I could not rush up and kiss Paul, (my arthritis, you know) but I was thinking of all of you, and wished you could have shared the experience with Ellie and me!

Afterwards, outside the auditorium, people had congregated to ask questions, and to tell me how they loved the experience, although some had seem it before, but some had seen it for the first time.

All agreed that they would help start a petition to have SB shown in the mammoth screen in our big Theatre where "Follies" will be. I don't know if our recreation director will agree. Most of the movies shown in the Theatre have been so lousy lately, people actually walk out.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to you all! I guess we're all a little bit Irish today.

I told Mary that my dear parents were married on this day, back in 1929, and their large wedding picture hangs prominently on the family photo wall in our condo. (Paul and Tara are there too, in my special "shrine.")

In those days, a young couple went to a photographer's studio and, in all their wedding finery, had a professional picture taken...no wedding albums in the Great Depression!

That picture was hung in plain view in my parents' home, wherever their lives together took them, and finally, I took possession of it, had it reframed from the original, and now still feel their light shining down on all of us!

Peace and Love,

Mil

Paul

what a sence of humor! I love it! You make me laugh. Thanks.

A beer sounds great, if not for all the medicine, I would indulge. (almost done with it for a while) I am taking my family out to dinner friday afternoon (took half day off) to a local restaraunt / pub to watch our local Western Michigan Broncos in basketball. Happy hour!! Before you think I am a lush, it's ok to take the kids to happy hour there. It's not a BAR, bar. They have several big screens and food & drink specials. I'M GONNA HAVE A BEER, I'M GONNA HAVE A BEER, I'M GONNA HAVE A BEER. I'ts been a while for me.

HAPPY ST PATTY'S DAY , ALL

love to all, Kelly

Hello All!

Grandma Millie what a great night! I wish I was there. I don't have to tell you that what you are doing at Wynmoor is truly wonderful, not only bringing the magic back but maintaining it in the hearts of all those who come to see your presentations. Including me.

Kelly, enjoy your beer today and enjoy one for me!

Briefly I want to mention that I'm still doing well, feeling good, sleeping well ( I almost had a full nights rest until 4 am when the dog woke me up for a snack) none the less, I'm happy enjoying every small bit of my life, even my mother's phone calls 8:30 in the morning(we'll see how long that lasts). And I even got some contract work yesterday helping a yacht inpector put his report together (he doesn't know how to type and the computer is as foriegn to him as the planet Pluto)

I'm looking to go back to school for...Massage therapy. I already looked into a school here that is renown all over the united states and I'm going to sit in on an anatomy class to get an idea of what I'm getting into. The spa industry is booming in Florida and that's what swayed my decision the most. That's why I asked Paul if he ever thought about opening a spa. Even if you just purchase a space and rent it out to different specialists and then do you're own thing like a restaurant that would cater to spa type meals. ALright go ahead and laugh!lol

I'm really excited to start this new chapter in my life I hope it works out. Wish me luck, especially on St. Patty's day.

Love to you all!

Julie

Marge, I meant to pop on late last night and let people know that I had a total blonde moment while reading Paul's post!! I have them quite often when I am stressed and I guess I read that statement as I wanted it to read!! :?) I still think meeting at "Paul's Place" is a great idea! Thanks for the snippet--wish I had the nerve to say something like that!! My suggestion on how to fix the problem (which would have taken effort on HIS part) was not received well!! Oh, well, such is life!! Today is a great day!!

Mary, thank you so much for the warm welcome!! I look forward to getting to know everyone here better.

Mary Ellen, thanks for the new bbq recipe--I can hardly wait to try it out....may have to go to the grocery!!

Millie, I would have loved to been there with you and your friends last night--I think it would have been so much fun!! I know I am new to all this but I would love to come next February--just not really sure I will be able to work it out! I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of girl, so it will probably be a last minute thing....but if at all possible, I'm there!!

To all, I will try to keep my blonde moments to a minimum!! If you read something I write that makes you scratch your head, just laugh!! My friends will tell you I am the first one to laugh at myself!!

Lori

Julie,

Best of luck! In Florida are you? taking Message Therapy and in need of people to practice on, heh? You may be my new best friend. No worries about lack of work there. When I go to the spas, the 45 minute massages are $90 a pop! Am I getting ripped?

To Paul, Kelly, Diane, Hanh, Mil, Jen, Marge, Inn, Michelle, Mary, Lori and anyone I missed, thank you for the warm birthday wishes. You all made me feel really special and you, and your words will be in my heart forever. It WAS a good day, and I wore my purple hat - with ATTITUDE!

Mil, did you feel a slight shift in the Universe last night as you sat in the dark auditorium listening to the strains of Blue Danube? It was only us stepping into your circle of love for our boy Paul. Ah, how I'd LOVE to see SB on the big screen again. There's nothing like it, is there? If you can get permission to show it at FOLLIES 2005, I'm there!

Good luck to Julie in your new adventure. You can do it!!

Hope everyone filled up on all that green food and drink for St. Paddy's Day? Nothing in the world like green bagels and green beer - Barkeep! Over here...

Speaking of bars. Hanh, I LOVE the idea of drinking Paul's Place dry and then trashing the place. Took me back to my biker babe days (sigh). ;o)

Good wishes and good vibes to all.

Sally

Sally, start packing your bags for FIF..(Florida In February)! I have a certain amount of "pull" around here, and I expect to book our special multimedia auditorium to show "Strictly Ballroom" during our Paul Convention on that 9 ft. screen!

Yes, I felt the vibes...I looked back at the audience, and they were in some wonderful trance..no one moved, sneezed, or went to the bathroom!

One friend is going to call the president of our community to tell him that the residents want SB to be shown on our mega screen in our big Theatre!

OMG, Paul, Peter, Sara, the locusts have descended on New South Wales (the Sydney area)!
Hope you're all okay. Just saw it on TV..ick!

The last time this happened in America, they made a great movie out of it, called "Brigham Young", with Tyrone Power and Linda Darnell.

Peace and Love,

The Mil

Julie 'CHOOKAS!!!' Thats a good luck wish for you. I hope it all works out for you, it is so great to hear your excitement. Go Girl!!

Sally C -"drink the place dry" sure that is fine but "then trash the place"???? still as fiesty as ever hey? You are welcome to come eat drink and be merry but perhaps you could leave the trashing for the hotel room?

Lori - a blonde moment hey - I seemed to have missed it?

Hanh, I geuss it is true that people have found their way here primarily because they were fans. I would like to think that they stay here because they find a place that trancends that notion of me, that there is a greater value from this site to them. A communtiy, a family an environment where fellow travellers meet and break bread for a moment or two. It is good to find some comfort along the path we wearily tred or excitedly tread!

As for studying the phenomenon (in good old Assie speak) bugger that - just enjoy it!

Millie Millie Millie how many times is that? Got to be close to a world record me thinks!

Hi PC,
Hope everyone had a great St. Paddy's Day!! It's still friggin' snowning as I type this. I was out at 6:30 am today to shovel that damn stuff. Rumor has it that there is more snow to come tomorrow night into Friday. Saturday is officially spring, and hopefully better weather is a comin'. I can dream can't I????

Sally: Hum hum hum hum to you, hum hum hum hum to you, hum hum hum hum dear Sally, hum, hum, hum, hum to you!! I'm linking the purple hat as it is my favorite color. Anything purple has to be perfect.

PJM: I'm for drinking the place dry, but for me trashing the joint is out. My Dad is a retired New York City police officer, and he'd thwap me big time with the biggest heavy object if I even thought about it!! So, your place is safe from me. Speaking of Coopers, did you drink the one I hope was with the last flowers?? In your last post you meant Aussie speak, right??

The idea of Assie speak did make me smile though. I'm pretty familiar with human anatomy & physiology and don't know anyone who could do that. Sounds like a show stopper Gran Mil. I'd truly consider booking that act for FIF. ;-)

Welcome to all the newbies.

Gran Mil: I'm up for seeing Paul's thighs on a 9 foot screen. What can I say? I'm a thigh girl. Let the show begin!!

To all who need hugs and kisses: XXXXXXOOOOO.
To all who take meds: Keep taking them!!
Love to all, especially to anyone feeling unlovable.

Till next time PC: Elbows up, head high, and feet moving forward.

J.

Paul,

Did the humor in the Fandom Phenomenon Doctoral thesis article lost in my flowing rhetoric? At any rate, consider it buggered.

I do admire the nice person you are and what you have accomplished in life, but don't worry, no illusions here. Hey, my brother does special graphics in LA. I know they visual-effected about 30 lbs off you in those full body shots in SB. I know in real life you're just a fat guy drinking beer and eating sausage rolls all day. ;) ;)

Chookas? My auzzie dictionery says Chook means chicken.

No locusts here, but we did have a 3.8 earthquake some 60 miles north of where I am. It was st 3:00am, so I didn't feel it. No damage anywhere I guess. I have been through about 5 or 6 good ones here. The greater Puget Sound area seems to have an attitude that we ride it out and go on about our business. The last good one I was in, we ran out of the building and I observed the land rolling like waves. Awsome!

In a crisis, I don't panic, I usually help others get through it. Then I crash.

Paul
I am trying to find some "Coopers" here. I am not a beer drinker but thought I would check it out and send a loving toast to you and your family. In this area we have quite a few micro brewries as well as small wineries. We have a dinner train that goes about 10 miles of track. The dinners are spectacular. Before I retired I organized a dinner train mystery ride. It was a hoot.

Kelly
How 'ya doin? I think about you and what your going through.

This Saturday we are having a birthday party for my noble steed, Dartin. He will be 25 this month. I will be making him a carrot, oat, and sugar cube cake. I even have a recipe book for horse and dog treats.

Love to all
Take care
Marge

Wow! Everyone has been so busy here today!! Had a wonderful Paddy's Day today. Lots of toasting done in good company. Stuck with wine instead of my usual beer for some reason. BTW Paul, trying to find Coopers in Ireland is like trying to track down the Fountain of Youth! In fact I have been given some very odd looks in some pubs when I suggest I might have one! They mustn't ship it this far or else I'm frequenting the wrong places!

Mil, thank you for making my day so special! It was lovely talking to you. I thought about your parents today and how excited they must have felt all those years ago, setting out on their journey together. As for the 9ft screen for FIF? As Peter has been known to say - too bloody right! (Sorry! It doesn't sound rude when he says it!)

Julie, I'm not laughing, I think that's a fantastic idea! Go n-eiri an t-adh leat! (Some Irish luck in Irish!) It's good to see you are sleeping better too. I hope that continues for you.

Lori, sorry. I missed the blonde moment too. I'm puzzled!!

Janice, I'm with you on the trashing. We might not get asked back! But I'm not going to single out Paul's thighs. That would be discrimination!

Katalina and Dhiana - hope all is well with both of you.

Marge, twenty five years means a very special bond.

Michelle, Diane, Inn, Tim, Peter, Hanh, Cara and all those who come to this lovely place - love to you all!

Take care everyone,
Mary

Paul, the blonde moment had to do with the beer 6.1...

Kelly, glad to hear you will be off the meds soon!! I hope that you have a great day Friday and you enjoy every second of your happy hour, beer and basketball!!

Hello and smiles to all!!

Lori

Yeah the locusts have hit, but not Sydney...it would have been bad for me, because I have a phobia of such things.

Seeing SB on the big screen would be a first for me, definitely. *hopefully might be able to squeeze in some time to go to FIF* I think the first movie I remember to see on the big screen was Aladdin or The Lion King.

Marge, I can imagine Dartin going "She called me a noble steed!" in that Eddie Murphy voice. lol.

Kelly, still thinking of you!

Jen

HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY TO ALL AT THE CORNER!!!

BLESSINGS,

JOAN

Hey Marge!
Dinner train mystery ride sounds OUTSTANDING. Did you receipt poems that concealed the clues?
That sounds sooooooo fun! I think it must be wonderful to own horses. I always dreamed of owning a horse. They are such beautiful creatures.

Hey Julie & Sally (I said that with attitude):)

Hey all, you guys ever wonder "everything happens for a reason" I do, i really do. My husband gives me crap about it, in a joking way. I always say to my family, "there is a reason this happened, I trust this is what is for the best." It's funny to think about the reality of something happening and think, "if only...." But you really can't because if it was supposed to unfold that way, then it would have. Like destiny. Our lives are all mapped out ahead of time and just waiting for us to live them. Good things in our life would not have happened if other bad things had not occured to get us to the place that we are at now. I'm not talking about my tumers or anything, just in general. I think about it alot. Things in life get extreamly tough but I don't think I could have endured it if I had not gone through a different "tragedy" at some point in my life that I learn from , or got tougher emotionaly and spiritually from. (and no, I have not had any beer today, thats Friday!)
Just something thats helps me deal with "bad" dicisions I think I may have made along the way. It gives me comfort. How about all you guys? What do you think about it??

Paul, put any thought into racing again?

Love to all,

Kelly O' Haggard

Hanh
Yes Paul does love his beer, but you might want to check his photos on "Paul Mercurio on line", from past years. His grin is beautiful and his smile is drop dead gorgeous. He is still a hunk and we love ALL of him. We all get a little seasoned, growing older.

Mary
Yes Dartin and I have a special 17 year bond. We have slain many a dragon in our adventures together. He is a mahogany bay with black markings on his legs. He stands 6.2 hands tall. (66") When I stand next to him, his back is level with my eyes and I am 5'4. I am writing an article to send to one of the horse magazines about us and the adventures we have had. Sometime I will tell you about our first year together. It was quite a roller coaster ride.

Mystery Dinner Train
I organized it for the company I worked for and in advance I went around the office and secretly confiscated several pictures of my co-workers, and the actors were able to intergate them into the mystry. When their name was mentioned, you can imagine the eye popping affect it had on them.

Talk more later.
Take care
Marge

Marge,

I'm afraid I might have to drop back on my dead-pan humor a bit. I don't think it translate very well in text. People who've met me in person usually can do the mapping (my humor has often be described as twisted), but I assume too much sometimes. :) That bit about Paul being fat is a joke. Really.

Paul,

You don't think I think you're fat, do you? I don't! Really mate! Are you somewhere with a case of Coopers and a plate of sausage rolls mired in depression just because of that? Please, be assured. Although, it can be said that chunky CAN be hunky, I have seen your recent photo and, I repeat, you are not fat! ;)

As a signal that anything I write should be considered with much humor and a grain of salt the size of Texas, I will note the passage with the wink emoticon --> ;)

Double wink emoticons mean I'm REALLY kidding. Do NOT call your attorney.

Tripple wink emoticons means REALLY REALLY don't take a word as remotely serious. None of it will hold up in court.

At any rate, I will try to control my funny bone. It pokes out in the most inappropriate places.

Marge,

I’m afraid I’ll have to drop back on my dead-pan humor a bit. It doesn’t seem to translate well into text. People who know me for years are able to do the mapping, but I make too many assumptions in public. Usually, I use emoticons to enhance text expressions, but they often don’t usually translate either. Don’t worry, I don’t think our Paul is fat, especially after reading the post from Paul’s Ass.

Paul,

You don’t think I think you’re fat, do you? Or are you somewhere mired in depression with a case of beer and a plate of sausage rolls trying to work out the hurt? Really mate, although it can be said that chunky can be hunky, I’ve seen your photo and you’re nowhere near fat. And no, Baz would not have had the budget or the technology at the time to visual-effect 30 lbs off you in full body shots, so clearly, I was (an Americanism) talking out of my ass. ;) ;) (ok, note the emoticons).

Hey, did I actually just repeat myself twice up there? Or is mini-me at work again. I really should start taking the medication again. ;) ;)

Marge,

6.2 hands! Yeegads, that's a big horse! How do you tack him up? I usually like the Arabians because they're smaller, but holy golly, they haul ass! My last bump off a gallop was from an Arabian. I love them though.

After our house is built, we're thinking about getting some horses. I'm looking into the Rocky Mountain horses because they are gaited (smooth ride) and come from a farm with a great trainer/breeder. I am not allowed (per hubby) to get a "dangerous" horse ever since I was thrown by the Arabian. He's a bit nervous about my riding, especially by myself.

We have 40-acres next to the state forest so the trails are great. I've only been riding for a short while however, so I don't think I'll be going off much by myself, even with a GPS. I'm quite directionally dyslexic. You've seen "The Blair Witch Project". Just picture that with me and my horse.

Kelly,

There are 2 types of things that happen to us:

- things we can control
- things we can't

For me, of things that I can control, I try to make what is past the past. Mistakes made, I try to forgive myself for it. But like self-love, that really is a most difficult thing to do -- self-forgiveness. It takes a lot of mental thrashing around.

For me, I use meditation to tumble around in my head to seek out the demon and confront it. Sometimes I write it out, a lot of times I beat myself mentally up for a while. But ultimately, the goal can be reached, the demon can be cast aside, and for what I did I can forgive and forget. And then, it becomes possible to move on.

I find that if I don't identify that demon, work with it, thrash it around, it continues to hang on my back in everything I do. That nagging sense of malaise and unhappiness, it comes from too many demons hanging around, allowed to hang around.

You can't fight them all at once though. Each must be identified (can be a difficult thing), and dealt with individually. Divide and conquer.

For things I can't control (illness, other people), I find that the same meditation process and inner fight also need to take place, but the aim, rather than self-forgiveness is acceptance.

This is where I do what is possible, put my affairs in order, reconcile loose-ends, and then learn to let go of control because there is no control really to be had. The aim is peace of mind in the turbulent wind that whips me around at its will, and to prepare to meet the unknown with inner composure. I try to identify the worst it can be and resolve to meet it with and sense of peace. And then, it becomes possible to move on.

Paul,

You wrote: "I would like to think that they stay here because they find a place that trancends that notion of me, that there is a greater value from this site to them. A communtiy, a family an environment where fellow travellers meet and break bread for a moment or two. It is good to find some comfort along the path we wearily tred or excitedly tread!"

The second part is certainly true, many friendships appear to have been forged. But I do not know if the ALL of the iconic notions of you can be entirely transcended -- but then, there is nothing wrong with that, is there?

We are proud to know you because of your work -- and that is related to your talent and the best of your accomplishments. And we DO stay because you HAVE become more than the cinematic notion of you -- in reaching back, you have become a friend.

Would I be here if I didn't see SB? Probably not. So for good or bad (and I don't know if this is what you want to hear) but I do not know if we can fully shed the notion of you apart from your best work. I'm proud when my friends accomplish great things -- I get bragging rights. So enjoy it! ;)

Sally,

Hey sorry everybody jumped on you for that suggestion *I* made about drinking Paul's Place dry and trashing it. Evidently, we juvenile delinquents are in the minority in this crowd. You bring your bike over and I'll go get my Kaiser Wilhelm biker hat and spikey collar and we'll raise hell at the local Walmart. Girl's night out.

Gramma Mil,

I owe you a long email. It's coming.

Paul, hey I didn't mean to say SB is your best work. It's just the best work I've seen. :)

Whooooooooooooooooooooh Hanh.

Hello to All!

Just checking in.

Sat in on the Anatomy class at the school today and was blown away about all the stuff these students have to learn about what muscle is attached to what bone and what kind of movements do they make. AH! I'm checking financial Aid options and then I'll make my final decision this week. It's hard to make big decisions but to dwell on them too long isn't good either.

THanks to Mary, Hanh, and my Grandma MIllie for all your encouragement! And Paul, thanks for the good luck wishes.

CHOOKAS!!!

Hanh - they promised me they would never reveal that I was digitally de-enhanced for the full body shots in SB!!! Damn - oh well I'll just have another sausage role!!

My wife loves your humour!

Oh did they say exactly what bit was de-enhanced???? That yellow one piece sure was a bit too revealing!

Glad to know I am not the only person with a talking ass! (refer back to many posts ago)

Paul, Paul. How many times do I have to tell you. If it ain't in the contract ...

You've GOT to put in that "No Ass De-Enhancement" clause in BOLD LETTERS. Cher does it. Sharon Stone does it. Don't be writing up any more contracts without reviewing with me first!

Two very good recipes to try for Brisket

Barbecued Texas Beef Brisket
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 4 hours 25 minutes
Yield: 12 servings

Dry Rub:
1/2 cup paprika
3 tablespoons ground black pepper
3 tablespoons coarse salt
3 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 (7 1/2 to 8-pound) untrimmed whole beef brisket

Mop:
12 ounces beer
1/2 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup vegetable oil
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons minced jalapeno chilies
1 cup purchased barbecue sauce (such as Bull's-Eye)
1 tablespoon chili powder

Dry Rub: Mix first 5 ingredients in small bowl to blend. Transfer 1 tablespoon dry rub to another small bowl and reserve for mop. Spread remaining dry rub all over brisket. Cover with plastic; chill overnight.
Mop: Mix first 6 ingredients plus reserved dry rub in heavy medium saucepan. Stir over low heat 5 minutes. Pour 1/2 cup mop into bowl; cover and chill for use in sauce. Cover and chill remaining mop. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Place brisket, fat side up, in a Dutch oven or other heavy baking pan large enough to hold the brisket. Roast brisket in pan for 3 to 4 hours, basting with mop every 20 minutes, until tender. Transfer brisket to platter; let stand 15 minutes. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Wrap in foil; chill. Before continuing, rewarm brisket, still wrapped, in 350 degree oven about 45 minutes.) Combine barbecue sauce and chili powder in heavy small saucepan. Add any accumulated juices from brisket and bring to boil, thinning sauce with some of reserved 1/2 cup mop, if desired. Thinly slice brisket across grain. Serve, passing sauce separately.

Smoked BBQ Brisket
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 5 hours
Yield: 10 to 12 servings

1/2 cup ancho chili powder
2 tablespoons paprika
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon kosher salt
2 teaspoons cayenne
1 trimmed brisket with a layer of fat at least 1/4-inch thick, about 5 to 6 pounds
Dark Beer Mop, recipe follows

Mix together the spices in a small bowl. Rub the entire brisket with the spice mixture, place on a baking sheet, cover and let stand in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour or up to 6 hours.

Prepare the smoker according to manufacturer's directions. Place the brisket in the smoker, fat side up and smoke for 4 to 5 hours or until extremely tender. Baste with the mop every 30 minutes.

Dark Beer Mop:
1 large red onion
4 cloves garlic
2 serrano chiles, chopped
4 bottles of dark beer
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
2 bay leaves
Salt and freshly ground pepper

Place all ingredients in a medium saucepan, season with salt and pepper and cook over medium heat for 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool slightly.