Paul's Corner

Dearest Paul,

You've done it before, and you will do it again!

Yes, you are blessed with a loving wife, beautiful and healthy children, and, as in the past, opportunities can come from unexpected places.

While reading your post I was quickly reminded by
the lyrics (and music) of a song by Burt Bacharach, sung together by Dionne Warwick, Elton John and Stevie Wonder for a benefit performance years ago.

"THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR"

"And I never thought I'd feel this way,
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say,
That I do believe I love you

And if I should every go away
Well, then, close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today,
And then, if you can remember,

Keep smiling, keep shining,
Knowing you can always count on me (us) for sure,
That's what friends are for
For good times, and bad times,
I'll (we'll) be on your side forever more,
That's what friends are for...

Well, you came in loving me (us)
And now there so much more we see
And so by the way, I (we) thank you,

Oh, and then for the times when we're apart,
Well, then, close your eyes and know
The words are coming from the heart.
And then, if you can remember,

Keep smiling, keep shining,
Knowing you can always count on me (us) for sure,
That's what friends are for...."

Love and Peace,

The Mil

Paul, for what it's worth, after journeying this far in my life, I believe that the only true feeling of stability on the path of our journey comes from the core of our life experience, wherein lies our own essence, graced by the presence of those we love/who love us. I suppose it is the centre of the road of life. The edges of the road can, at times, be uneven and broken, but if we hold our course to the middle, we can proceed forward. From what I see, your centre is steady and resilient. I don't believe you have ever veered from your course, you have remained true to yourself and to your potential. You have an innate grasp of what is true and of value in this life experience. The edges of your pathway - the circumstances - may at times have presented you with varied degrees of challenge but you have always ultimately held firm and strong. I trust in your ability to continue doing so. Although it may seem like you are moving forward blindly, to those of us who travel alongside you, it seems clear that you are still holding a steady course.

I hope that what I have written doesn't come across to you as simplistic or dismissive of where you find yourself now. It certainly does not come with that intention. When I read your post, I just felt the need to affirm your belief in yourself in the best way I could. Along with everyone else here, I wish you the very best in this time of uncertainty and offer any support I can to enable you to keep going until you reach the next stage that I'm sure, is awaiting you.

Love to all in PC,
Mary

Paul, reading your post, I kind of went along with “Yep, yes, can relate, understand that” etc. The last two weeks in particular I’ve felt similarly in many ways, different in others. I don’t know if there’s anything in my experience that will help you deal with yours, but simply know, you never are alone in your experiences, others are facing things and many are there to support you and walk with you, as the song posted by Grandma expresses. So here’s a bit of my experience: Tired of the emotional roller coaster, of not knowing, feeling very stressed and frustrated, being fearful and/or excited of what’s ahead (depending on the particular moment). Something that you seem to be way ahead of me is that you are true to your feelings, I’m learning to be that, but in the last two weeks there were plenty of moments where I wanted to bolt away from these feelings of unknowing, of feeling fenced in and being kept in the dark and feeling helpless and not understanding. I also looked out to other people and I did see that too, how blessed I am compared to what others are asked to go through. I also saw that SEEMINGLY (!) for some people things seem to just fall into place all the time, no stumbling blocks, no struggling, and unfortunately this landed me on the path of “what the hell do they have that I don’t and what do they do (right) that I’m not?” Yep, self-pity reared it’s ugly head and I wallowed in it for a while and needed to acknowledge these feelings as well rather than feel guilty for having them. Sorting through my deeply conflicted and contradictory feelings, facing some very uncomfortable issues that I had avoided for a while, I found/am finding what Mary wrote about so well, i.e. focusing on the center of my self to be important to me. With this focus I’m beginning to be more trusting of the universe and myself again, something I had decided to do not so long ago but let go off to some extent recently. While I don’t particularly like the situation I find myself in, finding the inner strength and peace and the joy despite everything in myself is bloody good and then there’s that rather wicked sense of humour that resurfaced … I had so many laughs because of it :). Paul, I applaud your joy of life and your embracing of your journey as fully, passionately and joyfully as you do and I hope that the shit hits someone elses fan for a change—actually no one’s would be better or no shit at all for a change. And thank you for sharing your daughter’s pictures. Last Monday evening when I came home from work, I was at a very frustrated and stressed point, feeling very blue. Checking my email, your beautiful daughters smiled at me over the computer screen and I simply had to smile back at them. It really lifted my spirit at that moment. THANK YOU!

So Peter, that should answer your question as to how I am. Whatever it was that has caused this great experience for your and your family, I’m very happy for you and congratulations!

Mary, I’ve only made it to page 6 of Conversations with God so far, I’m sure you are way ahead of me. I hope things will calm down a bit, so that I will have more time for reading. I think I really need this now. And yes, I did find the Jonathan Livingstone CD and movie and have enjoyed them quite a bit. I fear that my inability to spell the name JoHnathan incorrectly had a lot to do with my not finding the CD initially, why is there not a second H in the name, just where it is in John??? There should be, only my humble opinion.

Kelly, I’m so glad that things are going so well for you health wise. What a relieve!!! Keep believing and I shall send more lymph nodes shrinking and anti-inflammatory energy your way and shoulder injury healing energy as well.

Okay, I haven’t read through the rest of the previous post … Everyone, be well and happy and Paul, keep believing in spite of the fact of not knowing. It is hard, I know!!! But my instincts tell me that that’s what matters most.

Paul,
There isn't much to add to the posts above, but I do think that your faith in the universe does come from your experience of having been through ups and downs before and knowing you can get through them. Therefore to me it is more of a faith in yourself.
And Mary and Mil both said it, and I'll say it again . . .I wish you and your family the best in this part of the journey, as always.
Just a thought-it's turning fall in your neck of the woods, isn't it? I love fall myself, except here that means winter is coming all to soon. Some people find it a bad time of year emotionally. (I find myself wishing elections are over, already sick of all the campaign bits, but then it would be Novbember again, and we still have tiny clumps of snow left, even though it was almost 80 last week!)
And I have to say,Mil, that the song that came to me was the Beatles' With a Little Help From My Friends as sung by my personal fave of 34 years,
Joe Cocker. (Yes, I was a mere child at the time, 14, but the voice still gets me.) Same wavelength, different era. :)
hus and smiles to everyone here, take an extra if you need it!
Sally

Ok, I meant hugs, not hus,lol.
We posted at the same time, Evelyn, so greetings to you also.
One other thing, it is good to realize that others are worse off than we are, cuz that helps us get perspective, but that doesn't mean we can't feel bad for our own situations.
I mean, if you had a broken leg, you'd still hurt even if you felt you were better off than the person who had broken two.
hugs again to all, and smiles,too,
Sally

Hello Paul and Everyone!

First of all, I would like to say thanks. This blog was a great idea – it isn’t often that you can share your appreciation for a person you admire. Besides I love philosophical discussions, so bring it on!

I am a fan of the arts and although I have nothing to do with it myself, I am awe-struck when I can experience the beauty of an artist through their work. And not just a mediocre performer but one who has the courage to grab life by the reigns and refuses to be unseated by any buck that may come along.

It seems as if there is a flame that burns within that is entirely my own, that cannot, should not be shared with anyone, but selfishly guarded so that it doesn’t go out. When I am happiest I feel as if I am going to burst and even when I am down I still feel it glowing. I thrive off of excellent music, literature, performances, food and company. Or it may be something just as simple as walking in the snow. Using the greatness of man to stoke my fire inspires me to better myself and experience new wonders of life. Thank you again for the joy and inspiration you have given me when life seems like it is too much to handle. Anyways, back to the books, I have much to do in the month before I am turned loose into the “real” world!!

Wish you all the best and much personal satisfaction!
Blue Skies,
Kira

Those who find they must continue to travel on the absolutes of their heart’s pathways are required to be stronger than others who have chosen roads upon which Life’s Game does not bestow such vicissitudes and unkindnesses.

Yet, even deep in the darkness of this Pothole of all potholes, you must know that you are among the luckiest of men. Which wiseman was it who said that ultimately, it boils down to loving your wife and kissing your kids?

Perhaps that is where the marks you leave in this world are ultimately stamped -- when whatever essence that is you -- Truth, Honor, Devotion, Love -- remains through these magnificent creatures and their own marks in the world. You made them. You shaped them. They are your ultimate accomplishments, and whatever sacrifice you must make contributes to that final Piece de Resistance, does it not?

Yes, health is surely of extreme importance, but I think you are among the luckiest of men because into whatever potholes in life you may fall along that rocky path you have personally chosen, you are always accompanied by the truest of love’s constancy.

Non-sequitur Joke of the Day.

1. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

2. Life is sexually transmitted.

3. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

6. In the 60's people took acid to make the world look weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it look normal.

7. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Paul,
I don't have anything to say that's wise or profound or in any way particularly helpful, but keep your chin up and your head held high.

I'm hoping for you that's it's only a matter of time until the right something comes along.
Life can change in an instant. We all know that.

Let's hope for you that it's a good change and that it happens very soon.
Meanwhile, the Universe is still shining on you.
Have a good day.

Best wishes,

Peter

Paul,

Sadly, I can't come up with any words that I think are wise enough to help lighten the burden of your journey. Just remember that we are here to support you and to help get you over this hurdle--because as G'ma Mil said "that's what friends are for". I hope you are feeling the loving support of your friends here on PC!!

Hello and a smile to all on PC!!

Lori

Just got back from our Churches Women's retreat. This is the third time I have gone and each year, it gets better. The speaker was wonderful and very imspirational. I'vd come back refreshed and ready to begin my journy of life anew.

I haven't seen the PASSON yet. But I do plan to go. I try to go to a movie once a week. I eat lunch first then go to a matinee.

Paul
Did something happen to cause your dispare? Did the TV gig fall through? What did I miss? You have the strength to endure, the faith of your universe and the power to go on. We are here for you whenever you want to vent. You are much more blessed now than when you were growing up.

There have been many times in the past few years that I have been discouraged and have felt sorry for myself about something. Then I see people who are worse off than I am, and I give thanks to God that I am so blessed with what I have.

I was looking at one of your girl's pictures, and was wondering what that beautiful bush/hedge is behind them witn the blue flowers. It's beatiful!

Hello to all at PC. Although I was very busy this weekend, I did think of all my friends here.

Head high, Ears forward, Nostrals flared.
Marge

Marge you didnt miss any thing I was just thinking out loud. No news as yet.

Mr. Paul,

I have a strong feeling that the best is yet to come for you.

Yeah easy for me to say that you won't despair for long, but you're forty something young still and life has many good suprises ahead. I think we're constantly being reborn, every day, every moment. And no matter what happens, you're still Paul, a talented perfomer, great Dad, fantastic husband, and a great guy to know.

But is it possible that the universe pulling you into another direction of success? Hmmmmmm I wonder.

**Hug**

Even better,

**have a Beer**

Paul
I was looking in my "intpirational" folder and found the following piece. I hope it will take you out of your doldrums.

MOMENTS IN LIFE
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

When the door of happiness closes, another opens but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one, which has been opened for us.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Dream what you want to dream go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Don't count the years-count the memories...........

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take;
but by the moments that take our breath away!

I still want to know what those blue flowers are.
Maybe Andrea knows.

I hope the above 'Moments in Life' helps.

Hanh
I love your non-sequitur Joke of the day.

Take care.
Marge

Paul
Meant to ask. Did you receive a birthday card and gift from me? You might check with your agent. It's really for the whole family to participate in. I think you will really enjoy it.
Marge

Heya,

I have heard that by praying (head up style) a person can make oneself feel better. The action of lifting one’s head to the stars is partially responsible. Has anyone heard the same? Let me know if it works!

All these inspirational posts have lifted my spirits up.
Paul you are a resilient person and whatever is that is holding you back will pass, of course I understand how annoying it is to be held back when all you want to do is fly.

Evelyn- I could totally relate to your post its almost like you and I were going through the same thing.

Marge, I am sorry to say I have not received a gift from you.I do not know where you could have sent it as I have not given out my agents address. I did enjoy getting mail when I was at the theatre but sadly I also received mail that I would prefer to not recieve. The theatre was a very public place and so most people could send mail to me there but not any more. I hope the gift you sent finds me as I would hate to think it may go missing. That said I do not want my contact address to be public knowledge as unfortunately that opens the way to unwanted mail also. It may seem strange that I am so open about what I write here and how I can converse here and yet want to stay private. Perhaps the distance between our computer screens allows me some protection from certain undesirable contacts.

Hi,

Can someone tell me the differences amongst the listings "Fame," "Briskett," and "The Journey?" I am never sure which one to post on.

Paul
I respect your need for privacy, as well as keeping your family safe. I found an old address on the web, last November for a Chrstmas gift of a motorcycle calendar. It was returned to me just last week. I checked with Cat and she sent the card and gift last week, to your agent. She said it should get to you in plenty of time for your birthday. As I am not familiar with forien mail, I did not know what to expect, but took a chance. You mmight want to check with Cat privatly to see if she sending this to the right address. I am very happy to have had Cat set up this website. It's the chat roo, I have every gotten into, but all the people here are wonderful.

I too have checked your other side

I'm sure that a lot of celebs get unwanted mail, which is screened by the contact that is holding their mail, but they have addresses in California or New York. Many celebs and stars have mailing addresses in Hollywood, probably at some sort of collection center, which I assume is then sent on to that person, or they occasionally pick it up.

I think it's wonderful of you to be so open with us here at PC. We love to hear from you when you are happy, excited, down in the pits, or just plain blah. We are here to help you get through whatever positive or negative feelings, or changes you are going through. I hope "Moments in Life" brought you some comfort. I feel like I am talking to a son I never had, but would have been honored to have had a son like you.

Again, Paul, we love you and we all are here for you to help in any way we can. I would also like to send Andrea, Elise, Emily, and Erin a little gift and will send it to Cat. There must be a way to send things to you and still retain your privacy. Again I completely understand your need to be secure in your life. I don't want to be a nusance. I am proud of you and your family and would just like to send a card or small gift once in awhile.

Again, I'ts nice that you share what you do for us by being so open and honest here on PC.

What are those blue flowers?

Love and take care
Marge

Dear Paul...There is not much to add to the posts already made. You know that you have loads of positive engergy coming to you from the cyberspace of your Corner. Something lovely will shine on you again.

As you approach your birthday, I wish you the promise of a great year!

Thinking of you,
Linda

Julie wrapped it up quite nicely there, Paul. Have a hug and a beer. Well, ok, 4 hugs and 4 beers. ;) Here's to you (hic).

Paul, regarding your address and Marge's returned gift: so THAT's the reason why that Maserati motorcycle I shipped to you for your last birthday came back! And here I thought it was you preferred BMWs or something. Oh well, the Maserati people were very disappointed I had to return it. ;) ;) ;)

Head high, ears forward, nostrils flared, Marge?
Sounds like a sale day at Wal-Mart...

Peace and Love, Paul and all!

The Mil

Hello Paul,

I rediscovered you recently in Joseph which was aired here in Maryland, USA. Your face seemed very familiar and I enjoyed your acting so I decided to look you up on the web. I didn't expect that I would find you had your own website and that I could write to you personally, but I'm so pleased to learn that you are a kind and very down-to-earth person. Of course I had to rent your other movies. I had seen Exit to Eden when it first came out, but didn't know who you were at that time and was pleasantly surprised to learn that you're a dancer as well. I've taken a few structured lessons (nothing serious, just for fun) and have so much fun with it! I enjoyed all of your other works and truly wish there were more. Unfortunately, there is no way for me to see you perform on stage. I understand your decision to stay in Australia with your family as I hear LA can be pretty tough. Andrea is certainly lucky to have you in her life.

Sigh...another good one gone! ;)

As for your recent posting, I can only say that I'm relieved that I'm not the only one feeling that way. I'm starting to do some real soul-searching to figure me out and be able to enjoy my journey. I'm 34, single with no kids (just two of the four-legged furry kind) and wonder if this is really as good as it gets? I sure wish I had more answers too.

Sorry to intrude everyone, but as you already know, Paul is a powerful force and I just wanted to say hello!

Amy

Hey All,

Hanh is almost just as incredible as Grandame Millie! Maserati Motorcycle...that was a clever one!

Sorry Paul, we don't mean not to be sympathetic but you have to admit that was a good one.

Not much going on in my corner. Still waiting around for some contract work until I haul off to school end of April. I'm going to the school Friday to officially enroll in the massage therapy program. It seems that all my friends and my husband are so enthused by the idea of me doing this that it's made me more confident in my decision. I also feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders which I haven't felt for awhile. Everything seems lighter, better, and rosier (even going to the gym). I have a spring in my step and a smile on my face. I'll try to enjoy this feeling while it lasts.

It's funny to think that a month ago when I was considering this massage therapy career I cried. Really I did because I thought I was going to be something less than I wanted to be. What did I want to be? A top notch PH.D in...whatever it didn't matter as long as I did it and impressed people. A month ago in the car on the way to the grocery I started to talk out loud and blamed my father for not allowing me to apply to Welsley or Bernard my senior year of high school because he thought the application fee was too high. I blamed the kids at school for picking on me in first grade, instilling in me that low self esteem. I blamed myself that I was never focused enough, worked hard enough, or was ambitious enough. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! Ah how pathetic!

Then a moment of revelation. What would be my greatest contribution to humankind? What would be the most usefull for people? Knowledge yes, but also what about those who live their lives in pain, who's whole life would change with just a little bit of relief from some therapy. Putting a smile on someones face.

On that note, I made my decision. That I was going to be the best and most successfull massage therapist in Fort Lauderdale helping those who would need such treatment.

Who knows what amazing opportunities may pass by in the future if I still gripped and whinned that I didn't do that "one little thing that I wanted to do".

WHooooooh this is long I gotta stop,

Take care all!

Hanh - haha!! Sprung!!! Maserati dont make a motorcycle so I deduce that you didnt really send me a motorcycle that was returned but instead you were playing at laying a guilt trip on me so I would post my address!!! See I not so silly ")... oops :)

Now if you want to send me a motorcycle you know the drill, put it in a box and send it to Cat and she will A: post in on to me or b: ride it personally over to my house

I cant wait!!

Oh as MAserati only make beautiful cars which of course I would be happy to take in liu of said motorbike or if you want I would be happy to accept a black Augusta Mv - or a green Benelli - or two Silver Hyabusa's - I will leave that up to you :))) heheheheh....e

Amy, welcome welcome welcome. I hope you get the drift... you are welcome here you could not intrude... well in fact the idea IS to intrude, say hello, have a chat, get real, be real, talk open and honest. Just be positive in your negativity and you will fit in fine.

Welcome

Congratulations on letting it all come up to the surface and then letting it float off off and away. Sitting in the car feeling shitty about all those things wqas probably the best thing you could do for it led you to an understanding - a deeper understanding of who you are and of what you can give to others. What a great thing! Hey no doubt you will have a winge about some of those things again and there is nothing wrong with that. Sinking down into them and letting them become the thing that rules you (instead of the thing that frees you) is the not what you want to be doing.

Thanks to massage and other treatments I wouldnt have been able to get and shake my (not to be mentioned or talked about anymore bit)&*$^%

mmmmmmm interesting thing that post above. I could have sworn I typed it but for some reason it has apparently been posted by Julie???? I think I may have had a blonde moment! Can I say that?

It is all my exitement about getting a motorcycle that has sent me in to a frenzy of drooling palm sweating eye bulging anticipation....... I got to go put my leathers on!

Paul wrote: "Maserati dont make a motorcycle".

Caught again in my own web of lies!! But before you claim complete victory (ha!), the part that was a slight fudging of the truth is the actual SENDING of the Maserati, and not the EXISTENCE of said Maserati. Oh yes, it's real alright (vigorous head nodding for emphasis). Oh yes. Oh yes.

Feast your eyes:

http://www.motorsport-memorabilia.oldclassiccar.co.uk/photo_maserati_motorcycle.htm

They sell for hundreds of millions (in Italian liras) and can sometime even get up to 50 mph!!

So as you can see, I'm not as pathetic a liar as my previous posts may have alluded -- I simply twist the truth a little, not unlike politicians running for election, and THEY get a lot of donations.

But I digress, back to your comment "so I deduce that you didnt really send me a motorcycle that was returned but instead you were playing at laying a guilt trip on me so I would post my address".

You are a man of artistry AND intellect. Indeed, many celebrities whom I mercilessly stalk do not catch on so quickly. It takes a few tries before they finally come to the realization that no Lamborghini Diablo is on its way. And then they get really surly and start accusing me of lies! Lies!! What's happened to trust and civility in this day and age?!

At any rate, you may have seen me perhaps on Oprah's recent series on Stalkers of the Rich and Famous? I was also on a previous show on pathological lying.

But yet again, I digress. Now, regarding your request for black Augusta Mv, green Benelli, or two (two!!) Silver Hyabusa's, be assured Paul, that they are on their way. Be on the look out for them. As a matter of fact, if you do not receive them by next Thursday, I suggest you go immediately down to the Melbourne Customs office and raise hell. This type of greedy corruption CANNOT be allowed to occur in this great land!!

Of course, that matter will have been out of my hands. And as a wise man once said, I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to help.

LOOK!! A Tasmanian devil chasing a Dodo bird!

[Note the clever change of subject to distract you from the real issue at hand. What can I say. It's a gift.]

Your devoted fan,

Hanh

Hey Paul, how about a Ducati superbike? I can get it on ebay for US$5.99!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4200851159&category=36499

Paul, Julie huh??? As I have more than my fair share of blonde moments, I must compliment you on that one! As blonde moments go--that was a doozy! :?)

Julie, I have some of my best pity parties followed by the best pep talks while driving alone in my car! I think it is great that you have this plan of action in mind and are going for it!! Good luck! I'm thinking that if it can make be able to shake my &*$^% (which we are not allowed to mention) as well as Paul--I'll be first in line when you open your business!! :?)

Amy, welcome to PC! Never feel as if you are intruding. I felt the same way my first few posts but you will find everyone here will welcome you with open arms!

Hello to Mary, when are you starting that home study? I am practicing up the cheerleading moves--of course, I may be in definite need of Julie's services before too long!! :?)

Hanh, you are a bright spot in my rather blah day!! Thanks!!

Welcome to Helen, I think the newest thread is the one most of us post on.

Hello My Queen Mom Mil--I haven't forgotten you. I will e-mail you soon!! Love and good thoughts to you!!

Hello and good wishes to everyone else on PC!! :?)

Lori

Hey! I checked out that website for the motorcycle. There is such a beast!

Take care
Marge

Hanh-Boy did you make me laugh!!! I dont watch much tv but one day I was browsing and I think this show called "will and Grace" was on and it had Kevin Bacon doing a cameo.He was being stalked by one of the characters in the show but when the character on the show stopped stalking him Kevin became terribly sad because he realized his star power was diminishing. well ok I thought it was funny, so see Paul you still have star power. Oh there is Ducati dealership and BMW dealership down the street from me so I see these motorcycles all the time. I am afraid of motorcyles I fell off one once that was enough for me. oops I digressed.
Have a great day all.
Mercedes

Hi Julie,

I too have gone along that path: nothing short of a PhD or MD could fulfill what potential I should/must exercise, right? I've agonized over that one. So here's some more divulging of myself, and I apologize to my bro/sis for dragging their story in this, but they're not here to defend themselves, so hey.

There are MDs in my family. Looking back, I think they went gone into it for the prestige of the MD and for the income potential but not necessarily for the love of medicine. For them I think the journey took a lot from them -- perhaps more than it gave them in return. Their health was also prematurely damaged. They view their years of training as the "lost years".

At the end of their medical training, they find that they don't much like the work, but after having spent $120,000 and 7 years of post-baccalaurate training, walking away is NOT an option.

So, what did I learned from that? That liking the IDEA of having a high degree, rather pursuing it for the love of the craft is a practice in self-delusion and vanity that will only end up in a lot of unhappiness and loss. Why? Because the sacrifice is so high, and one can only joyfully sacrifice for love.

Certainly, there are gains, higher income, certain level of prestige, but the reality of it is that, unless an arduous journey is undertaken for love, whatever material gain that results does not compare with the suffering the sacrifice demands. And the sufferings can change fundamentally who you are. Most damagingly, I think, it can take away one of the most precious of things in life -- the capacity for joy.

So then, having learned that lesson, through the years what I have learned to accept in myself is that unless I were one of those lucky few in life who have that unquenchable Passion for something, who knew from youth exactly what it is that ignites that inner fire in them and drives them to pursue their heart's pathways, unless I am one of those lucky few who have always had a vision of what it is they must do, then I must float through life clinging only to myself and what I have (arbitrarily) chosen as my craft.

And so I have been floating and clinging.

So how to find fulfillment if one is not passionate about any particular thing? Not being one of those lucky beings, I find I must nurture my own inner fire by the devoting myself to the craft that I have chosen, and from that I draw my sustenance.

I believe that the nobility of our endeavors lie in the devotion and honesty we hold to the life we have chosen. So, Julie my heart, be the best damn massage therapist your clients will ever know, be RELENTLESS in your pursuit of excellence in the craft that you have chosen, and in it you will find the fulfillment of your potential as a child of the universe.

Mercedes,

Yeah, that's really the only reason I'm stalking Paul. I wouldn't want him all sad and dejected by Kevin Bacon. It's kind of a mercy-stalk really.

Mercedes,

Yeah, that's really the only reason I'm stalking Paul. I wouldn't want him all sad and dejected like Kevin Bacon. It's kind of a mercy-stalk really.

Damn damn and damn. Hanh when I said "Maserati dont make a motorcycle". I was talking in the now, right this minute, like today, maybe yesterday but definately no further and certainly most likely tomorrow and possibly the day after that. I thought you knew that?! To try and get out of sending me a motorcycle by confusing the issue of what is happening now and what may have happened in the past (which quite frankly is probably a clever internet mock up fraud site put together by crazed stalkers and pathological liars so as to wriggle out of the promises they make to those that get promises made to them and then wait expectantly until sadly it becomes all too apparent it was just another crazed stalker offering the world and delivering nought but a world of broken dreams and promises. Mmmm I may go have a cry now.

I didnt ask for a Ducati because I am not a greedy person. (and I already have one anyway - I have had it for 12 years now and almost finished making it - half way through anyway but I think the dog ate the wheel and the model paint has all dried up and I have to buy some new stuff)

I do have a meeting on Thursday but luckily it is in town so I can get over to the customs office and see just what the hell is gong on!

Oh Dear Marge, I have no idea what the flowers are nor what they name of the tree is. Sorry.

Uh ... that's mini-me double posting again. I try to keep her in the closet but she breaks free once in a while from the strait jacket.

All these blonde moments...Paul if you really want one, maybe I should fly over and take you blonde.I'm thinking aboutsome hilites now. It's becoming very pretty outside now.Azaleas blooming, dogwoods, cherry trees. Tulips and everyting elsemywife plants. Puts you in a good mood wheter you wnt tobe or not.

Falling asleep at the keyboard here...

better sign off

love and peace.

Tim

Paul/Julie, whoever you are, you sound just like Alec Baldwin when he found out the Lamborghini wasn't coming. I believe that plunged him into a depression which ultimately resulted in his split up with Kim.

All the symptoms are there, first the ungrammatical rantings (note I did NOT make fun of spelling, you never said anything about grammar -- let it never be said that I do not respect the wishes of my stalkees), then the tearful acceptance (this is where you go off to cry), then the rationalization (I don't need a Ducati, I already have one -- Alec said: I don't need Kim, I can get any woman), then one last irrationational hope (I'll check the Customs office -- Alec said: Kim will take me back), and finally acceptance of reality and the ability to continue on with life (Marge, what is the name of that tree? Alec said: dos cervezas mas, por favor)

As a fan, I'm quite concerned. Who is this dastardly coward person who's promising you all this stuff and then slinking back into the shadows?

Hanh,

See the fun you would have missed if you had stayed away! Yipppeeee!!! You are fun. You and Pual,,, errrr... Julie, are fun together. Very refreshing, you two.

Paul, by the way, I think you are entitled to several blonde moments. I mean, you used to be one........ on occation. (I prefer the brunette version, thank you ) : )

I needed to laugh at ya all since I just ordered $300.00 dollars of baseball equipment for my son. That was not a very enjoyable experience, but necessary. Now I feel poor AND old. My son had his first scrimmage on Saturday, we won 23 - 5. My son, Clay, pitched great! Our games and tournaments start end of April........ can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!!! every weekend another tournament(3-5 games a tournament), and 2 games during the week. It's the only time we travel. Love it!!

Paul & Hanh, thanks for crightening the day, errrr night.

hey all in pc world.... hugs and kisses......
Kelly

ooops, Thanks for BRIGHTENING the day.....

I think I need typing lessons.

Kel : )

Evelyn, Schatz,

You must know by now I'm a big giant tease. That post in German is ALL the German I know! Wirklich! Ich bin ein Berliner!

I have a hilarious German joke for you but I have to dig it up first. Will send it special delivery (email) to save these kind folks from the pain and suffering of German Academic jokes. Folks, you don't know what a big kindness that is. Think about it: German -- Academic -- joke.

Amy,

"is this really as good as it gets?" I think it gets better only if we make it better (warning: this involves ... work!). There's no sitting about and waiting for things to get better -- Deus ex machina doesn't work in the real world (rats!)

Most of the time, things are a muddle for me because I'm hopping in the same place not sure what to do next -- it's the indecision that can make life sucky. I think mostly, I ask the "if this is all" question whenever I'm really bored.

Un-boring yourself however is a lot of hard work -- that's seriously entrenched bad habits we're talking about here. But, infinitely do-able. That glib phrase holds true: no guts, no glory.

My friend Elena unbored herself by training for the triathlon (and finishing it!). Before that she's never even ran half a mile in her life. I can't say I'm that dedicated, but when you sit back and look around and think about all there is possible to do in this world, being bored is really a poor excuse, what it means actually is: I'm lazy and there's nobody around to entertain me, daggummit!

The trick is not to wallow in indecisions and to try everything once (well, almost everything), and to get life all over you.

Kelly,

I am a shameless child of pop culture, hence your recent $300 purchase brings to mind the classic and imminently successful Master Card "priceless" brain-washer ad campaign. You know, the one where sea-foam dress costs $200, baseball tickets cost $180, etc but the experience is Priceless?

Now, contrary to the meaning of the word "priceless", which any rational person would assume to mean "without price", hence FREE (worthless means without worth, penniless means without pennies, am I right?), the advertisers evidently see no moral discrepancy between using the word Priceless to mean ANYTHING but free.

But before you go thinking hey, that's a loophole to try to get out of paying your credit card bill Fuhgit about it. I've already tried that argument (in the full magnificent splendor of its predicate logic) with the Master Card people. They hung up on me. There could possibly be a restraining order somewhere too.

Well, gotta go take my medication now.

OMG!!! That's what I get for trying to be good and heading to bed early for once!! Now I have to head off to work with images of Paul in leathers with blonde streaks, undergoing a personality issue conversing over cyberspace with a highly committed and entertaining stalker enticing him to reveal his whereabouts by promising him the world and more in motorbike terms. Whew!!

Paul..Julie/Hanh..is there any way you could send some kind of vibes out into the universe when you feel these conversations coming on?? Live is always better!!!

Julie, that moment sounds so right!!! I feel only good can come from a decision that is coming from the best part of you. Go for it!!

Hi Lori! I'll be starting after Easter in May and I'm really happy to be be picking up the threads of what I started before. I'll be looking round for you every so often so keep getting the massages!!

Helen, as Lori said, the latest thread is where you'll usually find the buzz. We'd love to hear from you!

Amy you heard it from the top!! You're very welcome! We were all new here at some stage but I promise you won't feel like that for long.

Welcome also to Kira!

Hi to Michelle, Millie, Peter, Diane, Tim, Inn, Whit, Katalina and everyone at PC this morning. Have a fantastic day!!

All my love,
Mary

Thanks everyone for being so welcoming!!

Julie, good for you for speaking out to those who put you down! I read a "bettering yourself" type of book ("Growing Yourself Back Up") which said to do that very thing. If you can tell the person face to face how they made you feel and get it off your chest, great! Otherwise you can ask a good friend to stand in momentarily as a surrogate and tell them instead. In the end, it should help cleanse the negative thoughts and feelings the bullies left behind and allow you to grow in a positive way.

Hanh, you crack me up! I'm sure the other people at work here are wondering why I'm laughing out loud when I should be working. But also, I don't want to mislead you or anyone. I'm certainly not bored with my life. In fact, I'm quite happy and proud of my accomplishments and keep so busy that quiet nights a home watching tv (or past movies from a certain actor we all know) while doing needlework is a welcome relaxing change. My quest for answers comes from the fact that in spite of my accomplishments and busy life, I still feel like I'm missing something. Instead of 'is this as good as it gets' maybe I should have said 'what am I missing/forgetting?' Anyway, I'm not really as depressed as I sounded...getting life all over me sounds great!

Amy, Hi and welcome.
I answered you in the previous post, but here's a re-cap.
It's no ordinary situation and I'd be risking the happiness of others just by being there.

Peter

Allright, WHAT is it with you AUSSIE GUYS???

I got a post from Adrian Morely in my Inbox this morning. He wants me to come help him at an autograph session and then take me out to dinner and show me the sights of Sidney. Of course I went. We had a huge discussion about why his team is called the "Roosters" and not the "Cocks", but then he made a lewd comment and those blue eyes turned stormy...and then I woke up.

Too much Nora Roberts right before bed apparantly.

And Mary, THANK YOU for the visual of Paul in his leathers and blond streaks...I was TRYING not to mention that. Ya trollup. ;-)

Kira - praying with your head up helps you open your chest and shoulders (helps if you hold your hands palms-up in the "recieving" position) and creates a more lively channel for your outpouring and any inpouring of thoughts/Light/Wisdom. (I never understood why people crouched on thier knees, in submission stance, when praying...of course that's probably because I don't believe in an Ultimate Being that I am separate from, or that I am only an insignificant, tiny, bad-trying-to-make-good part of. But that was a shitty sentence, grammatically, and I don't want to drag this WAY UP thread into that level of philo. discussion that we've had already in the past. ;-)

SO...Hahn, oh Stalker Queen, what would you suggest as a defense against cute Rubgy players who continually (ok, just once, but still!) haunt one's dreams? Crystals? Burnt Sage? Eye of Newt? Reality check? ;-)

Hugs all around...
Peace,
Dhi