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Wednesday, 28 April
TOO BIG
does the world seem too big to you? It does to me. I have all these things I want to do but the world seems too big for me to fill it up. I want to write, play the clarinet, make beer, skate, make ballets, cook invent, play with the kids, read all these different books, laugh, do charity work, help people, spend time with my brother and his child, hang out with Mum, love my wife, mow the lawn (funny how those two go together), spend more time with my dad, go over seas, do plays, do movies, do something, make salami, brew great beer, perfect my sour dough, SURF - oh god get back into the waves, choreograph, write poems, walk across Australia, ride my motor cycle to anywhere and be free, visit pubs, talk to old people to find out their story(thanks Grand Ma Millie, go to the Folllies - jeeze I wish I could go to the follies in Florida what a hoot that would be!........................................ Does the world seem too big to fill? Note: comments on old entries are closed. Please comment only on the current entry. Comments Paul, you know you you mentioned your wife once and beer TWICE, right?;) Yes, the world does seem to hold endless possibilities for us. Our only obstacle being that life is too short, and we don't seem to live with that in mind. I can think of many things that would be sooooo COOL that I would love to do. I've taken up playing the French horn again, so clarinet should be no problem for you! I try to remember to do the things that make me feel alive as much as possible. Somedays that might be watching my husband mow the yard. I drink a beer and it becomes a very zen-like experience. Paul, you coming to Florida would be so wonderful. I realize that it would be very hard for you, but we can dream! Then the world would seem to have gotten a whole lot smaller. Don't forget to bring Peter! Peace, Dear Paul, Paul, thanks so much for the kind words. And guess what, 14 is NOT to old to play with dolls. You tell them that. My 11 year old has perfected french braids on all of her babaies so much so she is going to be a stylist when she grows up. Love to all. Kel Posted by: Kelly on April 28, 2004 11:30 PMfrom IP: 161.150.2.27Dearest Paul, Everything on your list is attainable, but only if you take care of yourself, live, love and be happy and healthy with Andrea and the children, and continue to think positively! Coming to Florida for "Follies 2005" could happen, if I could only win the lottery...then, everyone would be our guests! I'm going to buy a lottery ticket on a regular basis...one never knows! My last post on the thread, The Wall, will give everyone an update on "Follies." Love and Peace, Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 28, 2004 11:33 PMfrom IP: 4.234.111.246Jean, this about dreaming: "Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be -William Dement Aw, shucks, and I thought those were the things that do come true. Love and Peace, Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 28, 2004 11:41 PMfrom IP: 4.234.111.246I know it's just me and I'm sensitive to it..but that's two comments reguarding "the weaker sex". I am female..I've also played football (american), baseball (not softball) and basketball on championship teams. In martial arts I was in a school with only one other woman and all men and one time at a tournament a lady judge noticed how much stronger I was then the other women and asked some of the men if they would do an impromptu mini tournament with me. I fought four of the guys and beat them all. I'm just saying not all females are delicate flowers. Now...I have also broken bones 32 times (usually I break the same ones repeatedly) had countless sprains,strains, tears and pulls and at the ripe old age of 38 I am just about crippled. As far as things I'd like to do? I'd like to run. I wish I could run with my children. I'd like to go someplace and not have my husband have to say "walk slower guys, mommy can't keep up". I feel like I'm 90. I'm also not saying this for sympathy because I feel like I asked for it. Well, this started as a defense for girls and their physicality but in retrospect I wish I had played Barbies more and football less. Onward. Here's to dreaming and insanity Aunt Mil!!! Too Big? Nah...my aspirations are too big. Which of course is what you meant. There are so many things I want to accomplish. But the mundane daily things seem to drag me below that possibility. However if I could: I'd write a great novel Thanks Paul Tim Posted by: Tim Hord on April 29, 2004 12:38 AMfrom IP: 216.78.43.49For me, it’s not that the world is too big, but that there is not enough time and for me this becomes more so each passing day... Interestingly enough this becomes somewhat moot when you read Bill Bryson’s book “The Short History of Everything” that the history of life on earth as being as wide as the span of your arms, and that by taking a nail file and making one swipe at your fingernail, you would eliminate the entire history of homo sapiens” Good for me to remember when life's irritations creep in! Oh and watch out for the nail files!!! later all... Posted by: bluedog on April 29, 2004 12:45 AMfrom IP: 168.56.106.254I just think of all the things that I have yet to discover. How exciting! Posted by: Julie on April 29, 2004 12:46 AMfrom IP: 209.214.0.239Paul, All the things you want to do are sounding great!!! When I woke up this morning (it was extremely early in the morning 4 o' clock), the first thing I thought was: "oohh, this is going to be another hectic day" and fell asleep again. I got up at six, checked PC for new messages, ironed my trousers and blouse, walked with my dog, empty the dishwasser, put dirty dish back in it, read the newspaper for two minutes, went to the bank to pay some bills, went to the bakery for bread, went to the gass-station to refuel my car, drove to work, at work I made some breakfast, there were thousand of things to do, so it was afternoon before I noticed. Oh s**t, I haven't had diner yet, Yes, day's are much to short sometimes.... I'll get back tonight, there are some other things I'd like to say. Love, Monika Posted by: Monika on April 29, 2004 01:22 AMfrom IP: 81.206.125.3Inn, you rock! I'm sorry you have so much pain now and I'm sure it's a bitch to deal with, but I wanted to thank you for working hard and being the best ass-kicker you could be. Mil, I like to think that when we dream our souls leave our bodies and do all the cool things we don't find the time to do in our lives. Maybe that's why our longing to do certain things grows stronger, part of ourselves already knows the joy it will bring! Love to all of you, Hey all. Tim you are such a sweet soul. I like the camping part, we belong to a really nice campground, not that we have the time to go, with baseball. Even though Clay is out for the season, we will still be at every game, Clay fully dressed (minus the cleats) sitting on the bench with the team with me hugging the boys before they bat and cheering like a banchy. So this year we still won't have time. The orthopedic surgeon said no surgery for Clay, but he has a ling road ahead, it is broken in 3 places. He said if he is good, he can play next year. I am greatful for all of God's goodness. Paul, the world seems too large to me only when I look at my kids and all the possibilities they have and that out there for them. It feels like the world I am in is about 4x4 feet. But their world seems huge. I am afraid of what could happen to them out there but am excited about all the opportunities there are for them. All the colleges, all the sports, all the business opportunities here. their chances in this world are endless. just endless. I think it just feels that way because I have kids. I don't feel there are too many opportunities for Tom & I right now, but that could be that we are hopelessly revolved around our kids' lives and my health problems. mostly my health. Maybe I will feel like I have a life next week. You have an opportunity to take advantage of as many opportunities your checkbook will let you in this time you have at home. Take advantage of it now while you have the time, if you can. Love to all. Kiss Kiss Kiss Hug Hug Hug xtra kiss for Paul. (don't tell Tom) Posted by: Kelly on April 29, 2004 02:58 AMfrom IP: 161.150.2.27Paul, Clever post, good topic. It's an odd coincidence that you should post on this subject at this time. It also seems that there is a backlog of things in my life, but they are starting to become fading memories, or I've convinced myself that they really are only secondary and don't matter in the big picture (whatever that is). What I'd like to do (I think): The rest?.....I'll have to think about that. Cheers to all. Posted by: Peter on April 29, 2004 04:51 AMfrom IP: 203.41.31.100Hello All, Kelly-I'm sorry to hear about your son. I'm a parent, too. And, believe, I understand your pain. I hope that he heals quickly-sending a big hug your way!!! Tim-How is the sleeping going? Millie-You are lots busy!! Since we're trying to conceive our baby #3-I'm may be pregnant by the time your big event rolls around. I actually spoke with my husband, Michael, about taking a trip there. But, it's a wait and see kind of situation. I'll keep you posted. Paul-Yes, the world is tooooooooo big and yet it can be really small!! I always have a long list of what I want to and sometimes the list of "didn't get done" is bigger than the list of "got done"!! I think that these lists mean we're alive. Peter-How are you? I'm laying off of the "speedo" comments!! I have certainly enjoyed being a part of PC. I love everybody's different points of view on life. I'm going through a really tough time with my best friend. We had a major falling out. I will not bother with the details. All I'm doing right now is laying low. And, yet, I don't feel bad or guilty. If anything-I feel like I have a freedom. I'm sure, as time goes on, I'll say more. But, it is turning point in my life. Each day will change my perspective. Paul-I was reading some archives and came across one that you talk about a church in Baltimore. I live in Baltimore and my husband knows the church and saying that you refer to-The Desridata (spelling?). To everyone else at PC-hello and hugs!! Abeth Posted by: Abeth on April 29, 2004 04:52 AMfrom IP: 128.220.113.100Hello everyone, I'm back from the meeting (I still haven't had dinner yet) and I read my post again, but it sounds a little whining. I think I'm just a little frustrated that I'm so busy and don't have time for 'nice' things but work and the usual other things I've mentioned. But it's just a little frustrating, because I know that tomorrow will be the same day like today, and yesterday, and the day before yesterday.....and...... I think I'm going to get some sleep now, because I'm dog-tired and a little sad (and not hungry anymore). So sorry for whining, and thanks for 'listening'... love you all, Monika Posted by: Monika on April 29, 2004 05:08 AMfrom IP: 81.206.125.3Monika...Hey that's why we're here. See my "bitchin/moanin" comments somewhere above. It's all in a day. Michelle...Love the dream idea. It's probably true. Kelly..Awesome news about Clay. Here's to you getting the same news on Friday. Peter...Love your comment. It makes me more introspective (sp) anyway things I'd like to do about my inner self. Not such topical things, but conquering depression. Freeing up my soul to really feel life and not feel so bottled up. Thanks for the lead there. Abeth..Sleep is fine. Well I quit the tap class today. Hardest thing I've done in awhile. But for the sake of family unity I decided it wasn't worth the irritation. Although I personally am not thrilled about it. Next year I'm going to sign up for an adult class at another school and just take it for me. I'll need a choreographer to give me something for the Later guys... peace and love to everyone group hug for Kelly.. Tim Posted by: Tim Hord on April 29, 2004 05:57 AMfrom IP: 216.78.32.165There is never enough time to work and to love and to sleep and to play and to look at the stars. Even if we don't sleep, we can't fill up the world. We can only fill up our day -- and the day, once filled with the work and love and sleep and play and stargazing for that day, should be enough for that day, and for our enjoyment and living of that day. Don't taint the next day and its promises with regrets -- it only spoils the day. I don't think we should regret that there are only 24 hours/day. We should regret not filling those hours with things that are worthwhile. Good days have no regret. And what is Life but a chain of days? Posted by: Hanh on April 29, 2004 07:21 AMfrom IP: 65.216.57.74But you help fill it. Posted by: Jeri Adleman on April 29, 2004 07:48 AMfrom IP: 205.188.116.198How much of our day is wasted with things not worthwhile? Why do we waste it when there is not enough time to do everything we want? Ultimately, is there choice (to waste/not to waste)? Do we allow ourselves more than 1 choice in life? Posted by: Hanh on April 29, 2004 07:52 AMfrom IP: 65.216.57.74WOW! Accidents (from the last thread) Timmer Paul I have set priorities of things I want to do. I may not be able to do a lot of them, but dreams are free. The really happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. (so true) Take Care Posted by: Marge on April 29, 2004 08:11 AMfrom IP: 199.182.74.60 Hanh Marge Posted by: Marge on April 29, 2004 08:12 AMfrom IP: 199.182.74.60I love the energy that's building up in this thread! Along with whatever lessons/purpose we come with in this life, I think we are gifted with an inbuilt urgency to EXPERIENCE - Just for the pure joy of it!! I think it may be one of the incentives for coming. When I read your post, Paul, that's what came to mind. I'd hate to think the world/my world could be filled up. The feeling of limitlessness resonates with something wonderful deep inside me. Peter, the big picture? I like to think (or maybe hope) that it is constantly being 'refreshed' and made new and that any 'backlog' we have (if we manage to let go of it) is poured into the mix and reshaped into what is possible now and in the future, rather than keeping its separate essence. I hope the memories fade away and reappear, revamped, as part of something on your list. Michelle, when I read your post, I thought of the times that I have woken up with such a feeling of longing and realised that I had been dreaming about something amazing, just out of my conscious reach. It always takes a couple of minutes to adjust. Maybe your idea explains why! Hanh, one way of looking at it is that it depends on how you define something worthwhile. For one person, it could mean the act of struggling to stay alive. For another, it could mean having an experience that lifts their spirit to the heights. I think maybe the only requirement is that you approach whatever it is you're doing in a positive frame of mind, hoping for a positive outcome. This covers a multitude. I take your point about waste and regret. They're poisonous. I also think that we always have choices and that the first (and most crucial) step is to recognise that that is the case. FIF with Paul? Maybe if we 'group' dream, it'll happen! (Now...how could we actually DO that??) Kelly, great news about your son. Love to everyone, Kelly: I have a son who spent his three years in high school in some kind of cast, splint, or brace from football. I don't think there is any consoling for these boys, they want to play so bad and are difficult to live with when they can't. Keith turned 27 yesterday, married and has a good job. Has aches and pains every day because of his injuries. The Orthopaedic Surgeon in NO says that he most likely will have to have total knee replacement on both knees by the time he is 50. So Much to Look Foward Too?!?!?!! I live with lists, things to do today, tonight, this week, this month at home and at work. Somethings get crossed off, some just get moved to another list. Somedays I just throw the list out the window on my way home from work, and go outside to play with the feral cats that have adopted us. After 3 years, we finally have started putting down the vinyl tile flooring in our kitchen. Why did we put it off for so long? Well, we might put in new cabinets, NOT! The appliances would have to be disconnected and moved, NOT! Well as of tonight all the field tiles are down, and the floor looks great. The most time consuming part is cutting every tile to fill in around the perimeter. Next is the Utility room, two walls come down and another with a door becomes a solid wall, then we will tile that floor and repaint and put in cabinets. Always something else to add to the list. Hope all is well with each of you, Warmest greetings to all; thanks for all the food for thought. There's always something to do - those things that we WANT to do, and those things that we HAVE to do. Of course, if I had more money, more of the WANTS would get crossed off my list. :) As it is, it's one day at a time, one thing at a time, one step at a time, and being grateful for each new day. Vicki Posted by: Vicki on April 29, 2004 12:43 PMfrom IP: 152.163.252.230Tim, In previous thread you mentioned moving to Australia. Don't believe anybody who said Oz is anything but fantastic! My husband and I spent 18 months in late 1980's traveling through Australia on a motorbike and later in a converted bus. We loved it. It was life-changing. Australia is definitely slower paced. The big cities are few and far in between, isolated from each other because they're REALLY far apart, and you feel that sense of isolation. When you are 200 klicks anywhere toward the interior, you're in the Outback where they're so laid back they're almost horizontal. The only thing worth moving really fast out there for is if something is threatening your cold beer. Dingos running after your wife? Ah, the sheila can take care of herself. Toss us another beer, mate. The worst thing about traveling Australia? No free refills on anything anywhere, and all the stores close at 5! (at least back then) The best thing about Australia? The pace of living, the people, the lack of the all-consuming consumerism permeating the U.S., the people don't smile at you with agendas. There is also a fantastic national/state park system. Personally, I think the only great way to travel Australia is to go caravan-ing/camping. All the tourists spending thousands of dollars to stay in 5-star hotels and flying from one big city to another are missing out on the best part. We went 6 months on a 650cc motorbike, staying at backpacker hostels (at the time $10/night!) and tenting out in national/state parks (most were free or $2/night). Then we bought a bus which was converted to a camper and continued for a year. At end of the trip we sold the camper and got most of our money back. Australia has basically 1 long highway system running around it along the coast, so when you're traveling, you're either north/east bound or south/west bound, and you bump into the same campers who go in the same direction. A lot of Aussies see the country in campers, working temporary jobs along the way whenever they need more money. Perhaps it's the itinerant walk-about spirit of the Aboriginals. :) We've met some very dear friends this way. Most of Australia was (most likely still is) unpopulated so unless we were in cities, we used to pulled over on the side of the road to overnight, next to deserted beaches, on isolated wind-swept cliffs, wherever we happened to be (can you imagine doing that in the States? A trooper would slap you a ticket in a New York minute! if you don't get attacked first by a weirdo). In the Nullabor desert (between Melbourne and Perth) you can see the tail of the Milky Way. Posted by: Hanh on April 29, 2004 01:21 PMfrom IP: 65.216.57.74Hanh & Tim, You can get free soft drink (soda) refills at Burger King and many McDonalds offer free refills for your coffee. Most large and many small supermarkets are either late closing or 24 hour. Now we have seven-eleven, McDonalds, Burger King, Hungry Jack's, KFC, Red Rooster, Big Rooster, Taco Bell, Chillie's, Krispy Kreme,.. would you like fries with that?, Kmart,...boy, are we lucky that we finally developed some culture! Seriously though Tim, Hanh's appraisal is fairly spot-on regarding the distances and peacefulness. Cheers, Posted by: Peter on April 29, 2004 01:54 PMfrom IP: 203.41.31.126So are we too small to achieve the huge world? Do we vainly joy in the pursuit of our endless loves and big dreams? Hmm...Silly me! Part of me is making goals while desperately hiding from the 'ol mundane world. Maybe the world was never "too big" until we lived and made it so! Our paths are the way we weave our dreams into them. If only we wouldn't screw them up! Being only 18, I'm still a hopeless optimist... Grandma Mil, do you think our insanity makes us become what we'd never dreamed? Heh heh, maybe dreams take us where we want to go in a roundabout way, just not the way we'd thought in the first place. Paul, go surfing! :) Tim, the beaches in Hawaii are beyond beautiful... Here's a piece of cloudless blue sky amidst the busy day! Hanh... peace and love to everyone...hey and keep up this outstanding post..it's feel good kind of place Tim Posted by: Tim Hord on April 29, 2004 07:01 PMfrom IP: 216.78.45.95warm sunshine on my face, blue lagoons lapping at my feet, white sand covers my back, I lay looking upon a sky so blue, dreams melt and become real. A cool breeze warms my memories, images cascade like waves upon a break, and I surf. I surf with all my heart. The wind, the water, the salt, my board and I, all working as one, embracing the power of the world, dancing upon and amongst it's majesty, your majesty, my majesty, our majesty. Later, walking home a bird cries, circling lazily, wheeling to the right and then to the left, going where the wind blows. I too go where the winds of life carry me. And with me, I carry the wave and the bird and the sun and the breeze, I carry with me you, and I, our hopes and our dreams. I circle lazily basking in the warmth of our lives. Posted by: Paul on April 29, 2004 08:42 PMfrom IP: 210.49.171.131Paul, After reading m'curio's description of a day surfing, I transcended for a few moments and was at the ocean smelling the salty air ...thanks...now back to the work!!! Very nice, Paul! Wish I were there instead of behind this desk. Mmmmm.... Vicki Posted by: Vicki on April 29, 2004 11:05 PMfrom IP: 209.203.66.2I say we get Paul's poems published, and create a reality show centered around his life...the Australian Osbournes!?!? How about New York, Paul? Have a great day, Grandma Mil, Hanh, thanks for painting me that picture of Australia. How you described it is exactly how I've always imagined it. Paul, thanks for painting me a picture of heaven.
Paul, Wow, I thought I needed a vacation, but after reading your post, i realized I had just been on one and never left my desk. Thanks. I needed that. Kelly : ) Posted by: Kelly on April 30, 2004 03:31 AMfrom IP: 161.150.2.26I'm in agreement about "the rush" here in the USA. Life is not a dress rehersal. I don't feel "guilty" for taking my time and enjoying the world around me. When I go out in the evenings, most evenings, you'll find me outside. Sometimes, I just mosey around the yard, take a walk, talk with my neighbor. See, I think of old age this way. It's not the jobs that I've had that will matter, it's not the cars that I had that will matter or the clothes that I owned. Old age and dying will be about my relationships and the experiences. So, although everyday isn't perfect, I try to remember that rushing gets me nowhere quick. Another saying that I really like is "Haste makes waste". I apply that concept when I oversleep in the morning! HUGS! Paul.. Compile your poetry and writings. Please publish them. It would be a great source of income for you. It would let your legendary creativity live on in yet another way. Please at least consider it. I'd definitely buy it. Hell I'd promote it for you here in Atlanta. You have a gift. Use it. It's a window over that wall. And once you are over that wall another window will open... all the best Tim Posted by: Tim Hord on April 30, 2004 04:53 AMfrom IP: 216.78.32.193Paul Looked up Wayne Gardiner to see who he was. I loved the blurb about his being a larriken, and dodging the police and angry neighbors on his motorcycle. Kelly Hanh I have been meditating at my sanctuary lately. Sharon has added a hammock, so now I can just lay back and watch nature. The hummingbirds are back. Sharon puts several feeders out. If they get empty, they will go find her and scold her until she fills them. There is nourishment from being encouraged and held up by others when we are weak. We are nourished from feedback from friends whom we trust and who will be honest with us. (Rich G. Buhler) What an apt quote for PC. Take Care Jean, we ARE neighbors! We live only minutes from you..how lucky can a Grannie get? First Julie and now you! I will send you more information! Peace and Love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 05:53 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.5Jean, we ARE neighbors! We live only minutes from you..how lucky can a Grannie get? First Julie and now you! I will send you more information! Peace and Love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 05:53 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.5Jean, we ARE neighbors! We live only minutes from you..how lucky can a Grannie get? First Julie and now you! I will send you more information! Peace and Love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 05:53 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.5Jean, we ARE neighbors! We live only minutes from you..how lucky can a Grannie get? First Julie and now you! I will send you more information! Peace and Love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 05:53 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.5Jean, we ARE neighbors! We live only minutes from you..how lucky can a Grannie get? First Julie and now you! I will send you more information! Peace and Love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 05:53 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.5Jean, we ARE neighbors! We live only minutes from you..how lucky can a Grannie get? First Julie and now you! I will send you more information! Peace and Love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 05:53 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.5Jean, we ARE neighbors! We live only minutes from you..how lucky can a Grannie get? First Julie and now you! I will send you more information! Peace and Love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 05:53 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.5No, I haven't been drinking..too old! Multiple posts? How quaint, how embarrassing! I was so excited to learn that Jean is only minutes away, I must have flipped! Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 06:05 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.5How about a book of poems & essays on Life? Not real "essays", but just thoughts from life, like you write here at PC? Posted by: Maile on April 30, 2004 08:36 AMfrom IP: 198.81.26.72Anyone up for illustrating? How bout watercolor or b&w photography? :) Posted by: Maile on April 30, 2004 08:41 AMfrom IP: 198.81.26.72yeah theres alot of things i want to do 1. MEET MICHAEL JACKSON 2. BECOME FAMOUS 3. MAKE AN ALBUM 4. MAKE A VIDEO 5. FIND MY SOULMATE 6. GET RICH 7. GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE 8. GET LIPOSUCTION TO REMOVE MY LOVE HANDLES yeah theres more but those are the main ones :D Posted by: Erika Crystal on April 30, 2004 08:42 AMfrom IP: 64.12.116.198Millie and Tim...Yes, dreaming and insanity...What a concept! It is such a fine line between them. Pleasant everning to all. Linda Posted by: Linda Thomas on April 30, 2004 10:07 AMfrom IP: 67.172.80.183Yes, I want so much to do so many things! I've been on disability a few years now..... and thought....wow... what will I ever do with the time? I spend a lot of it in bed unfortunately sleeping.... but these are things I want to do: 1. Get in the car and drive around the country and see friends! 2. Visit other countries! 3. Make a difference in this world. 4. Plant a garden and watch it grow! 5. Take my kids out of school and give them a "practical" education for a year... visit places meet people, do things, we will only pass this way once, and it is sad to have them in school all the time! 6. Spend more time on my husband.... making him feel like he is the most special man on earth! 7. Get a medical degree. 8. Learn how to play the organ really well, no just so so as I do now. Oh, the joy of blasting out the pipe organ! I want to learn the pedals better. 9. I want to work on my spiritual life....... understand more. 10. I want to see the ocean more. 11. I want my mum and dad and children and husband to be with me always! I know, I am selfish, but if someone has to go first, I don't want them to be the ones! 12. Perhaps most important, I want to be pain free, with none of this cranial nerve bingo that has going on, one day an eye doesn't work another I can't hear. Ugh! I do get frustrated by that all. Suzanne Posted by: Suzanne on April 30, 2004 11:55 AMfrom IP: 68.88.34.109Bald Eagles Gran Mill Take care, Heard about Lulu the Kangaroo today on CNN. Noone in the U.S. know who the current PM is for Australia, but we know Lulu! :) :) Posted by: Hanh on April 30, 2004 02:30 PMfrom IP: 65.216.57.74Hello everyone, Paul, Kelly, Tim, Grandma Mil and Jean, Almost had a car accident yesterday! I couldn't sleep last night so I went outside, in the garden. Lied down on the grass, stared at the bright moon and thousand thoughts crossed my mind. I also thought about PC and all the people here and maybe one of you was staring at the moon at the same time as I was.... So maybe the world isn't as big as it seems??
Monika Posted by: Monika on April 30, 2004 05:55 PMfrom IP: 81.206.125.3Hey all, My surgery got move up so I will be leaving heree shortly. I can't believe the calls and good wishes from friends I have been getting Love to all, Monika, Het Marge, I'm doing great, Thanks for thinking of me. Love to all, Kelly Posted by: KELLY on April 30, 2004 07:38 PMfrom IP: 68.72.9.100Unbelievable!!! First, stepping into the extraordinary world of Paul, then finding out that Grandma Mil lives closeby!!! What is next? Meeting Paul in person? Posted by: Jean on April 30, 2004 07:39 PMfrom IP: 63.71.157.131Monika, I felt you watching that moon too! I see it from my computer desk each early a.m., (if it isn't cloudy) here in Florida..I always wonder if others, maybe even our children so far away, see it too. Now I know, bless you! My husband and I always get a chuckle when we see the moon in Florida..it always seems so much brighter here than anywhere else in this world. It reminds us of that scene from "The Glass Menagerie" by Tennesse Williams, when the mother and her adult son are out on the fire-escape looking at the evening sky, and the mother exclaims, "Oh, look at that little slipper of a moon, rising over Shultz's delicatessen!" Thinking of you, Kelly! Love and Peace, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 07:41 PMfrom IP: 4.234.135.23Jean, Paul in Florida? "When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true..." Forget the moon, let's concentrate on OUR star! We're planning a "convention" in Paul's honor, in Florida in early February, and 15 people from PC have shown interest in coming. When I talk to you, I will give you more details...it promises to be a one-of-a-kind event! Peace and Love, Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on April 30, 2004 07:55 PMfrom IP: 4.234.135.23February seems to be a long time from now. What about helping Paul get here for auditions, maybe LA or the big apple? Posted by: Jean on April 30, 2004 09:18 PMfrom IP: 63.71.157.131Kelly, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you today as you have the medical treatment. Sending love and healing yoru way. Everyone else, "Hello" I will make the time this weekend and read all the posts--am completely out of the loop. Love and good wishes to all of you. Posted by: Evelyn on April 30, 2004 09:43 PMfrom IP: 134.84.254.223Thinking of you Kelly and wishing you the best for today's surgery. Love to you, Kelly, as I think of you going through your procedure today, I will visualize healing light all around you and blankets of love keeping you warm. Peace, Paul, Kelly, we are with you,sending positive energy for your healing. Marge, thanks for the quote. I loved it. Monika, that must have been scary! Glad to hear you reacted with the right choice. When you think about times like these, you see how there are forks in your path at certain points and how going the alternative way would write a completely different life story for you. As for the moon, I reckon we might be seeing it from roughly the same angle. We're not exactly neighbours but we're not that far away from each other! (I live in Ireland) Millie, lucky Jean and Julie! I know I am far away from YOU, but you're close in my heart always. Maile, if Hawaii is as beautiful as I've always heard, you're truly blessed to be living there. Inn & Monika, all this talk about lying in the grass sky/star gazing brought back memories of when I was young and summer days & nights seemed to stretch on forever. Thanks. Looking upwards is good for the soul, I think. Diane, hope you are keeping well. Paul, I agree with Tim and others here. I think your words - poetry & writings - would serve a very good purpose if they reached a wider audience. They unlock thoughts, memories, visions and wisdom that many of us would not have access to otherwise. My life has been changed for the better many times by the words of others, yours included. BTW, I was reminded of the term 'Renaissance Man' today and thought of you. Here's the weekend again! Have a good one everyone. Take care, One of the tings I am going to do this summer is visit the Kentucky Horse Park, when I am back for my Grandson's 2nd birthday, in July. Alana and I have a list of things we have done, and a list of things we want to do and see. There is so much to see on the east coast. We are taking advantage of seeing as much as we can before her husband gets another assignment, which will be in about 3 years. The just opened the WWII memorial this week and it is beautiful. We are definately going to see that. Monika Kelly Peter Paul I love talking to older people. I love to listen to old time horse trainer's stories, about the horses they had and trained. Love to all.
Someone mentioned Bill Gates recently. Several years ago he was having a convention at the Seattle Convention Center and everyone needed to go to a hotel, for dinner, about three blocks away. At this convention, there were about 1500 people involved. The city said they couldn't walk that far together unless they had a parade permit. So Bill Gates got a parade permit, hired a Dixieland Band, had the street blocked off and had a parade. Now I call that class!! Hey guys, cant sleep cant find comfy spot sitting up.(i cant lay down). Love you Hey, I don't think the world's too big, we're just too little. But that's generally a good thing for this planet. Dearest Kelly, If we lived closer, we would be fussing about you and giving Tom some time off in a heartbeat! Glad the surgery is over, and don't worry about your appearance...you are beautiful to us in every way, and we are confident that you will get a good report next week..can't you feel our positive energy? Love you! Mil Grandma Mil, It's kind of strange/funny, I'm sharing my (deepest) thoughts to people I don't actually know. Ofcourse I have sertain images of you all, but I don't know how you look like. It would be nice to know. Kelly, Mary, Marge, Thank you all for your concern about my almost car-accident. Talk to you later, love you all, Monika Hello Grandma-Mil, We posted at exactly the same time, Monika Posted by: Monika on May 1, 2004 08:29 PMfrom IP: 81.206.125.3
later... Posted by: bluedog on May 1, 2004 09:00 PMfrom IP: 4.34.140.243Monika, it's uncanny that we posted almost at the same time although I would guess Holland time is 5 hours ahead of Florida time. Maybe we got hit by the same moonbeam, right? Wish you could make it to Florida too. So far, I have met Whitney and Julie in person, and what a wonderful experience! Jean contacted me by phone yesterday. We will be meeting soon too! We only live about 20 minutes from each other, and she already knows some people that live in our retirement community! Small world?? Peace and Love, Mil Posted by: Grandma on May 1, 2004 09:52 PMfrom IP: 4.234.51.62Monika, it's uncanny that we posted almost at the same time although I would guess Holland time is 5 hours ahead of Florida time. Maybe we got hit by the same moonbeam, right? Wish you could make it to Florida too. So far, I have met Whitney and Julie in person, and what a wonderful experience! Jean contacted me by phone yesterday. We will be meeting soon too! We only live about 20 minutes from each other, and she already knows some people that live in our retirement community! Small world?? Peace and Love, Mil Posted by: Grandma on May 1, 2004 09:53 PMfrom IP: 4.234.51.62...there it goes again...and again...and...... Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on May 1, 2004 09:55 PMfrom IP: 4.234.51.62Sending my most positive thoughts to you, Kelly! Paul, for a moment there I was hanging ten with you! You ought to sell that piece to the tourism bureau . . .just gorgeous! Hello to all the PCers, I'm still reading if not always posting. I don't think there is ever enough time for everything we want to do in life, but maybe that's good, keeps us interested. And sometimes maybe that is function enough. I wonder, though, how do we really waste time, how do we qualify it as a waste? So, everyone, what is a waste of time to you? hugs and smiles, Do not EVER put off anything that you want to do. Today is the only day you have. My husband had a heart attack three weeks ago. He is doing fine now, but it certainly wakes you up to the fact that if you want to do something don't wait to do it. My husband can't ride his motorcycles now which is breaking his heart, so you should ride your motorcycles more, surf, skate, spend time with your family - skip mowing the lawn though (that's small stuff). Posted by: Jo on May 2, 2004 04:37 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.144You sound like you picked a wonderful man, Kelly...hoping for the best health for you! Just got back from a beautiful surf session. Have to go to L.A. tomorrow so getting in a much sun as I can before I go. If anyone is ever in Hawaii, give me a holler and I'll take you surfing. ;) Love to all. Posted by: Maile on May 2, 2004 05:57 AMfrom IP: 198.81.26.72Kelly With you in spirit. If I were nearby, I'd visit and hold your hand and read you a book and just be there to talk. It makes the time go faster. I do wish you the best.Your husband and Clay sound awesome. Thank them but send them to the game. Your in my heart. peace and love Tim Posted by: Tim Hord on May 2, 2004 06:14 AMfrom IP: 216.78.45.149Kelly, keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you're starting to feel more comfortable now. It sounds like you and Tom have built a home filled with a great deal of love. It's a strong position to be working from. Wishing you the best for Monday. Take care. It's a couple of minutes past midnight here and I've just wished my son Martin a happy birthday. We have known each other for twenty two years now and it's a lovely thing to be able to say that I count him as one of my closest friends. I find that the older he and his brother get, the more I see them as they are - fellow souls who are sharing this journey with me. It's like looking at something familiar in a different light. Very exciting. Take care all, Kelly Jo Gran Mill Gotta go! Still getting my house toddler proofed for Grandson's visit. Take care all,
Kelly, thinking of you and sending healing thoughts. Yes, defintely healing thoughts to Kelly! Positive energy is coming to you from the Corner. Linda Posted by: Linda Thomas on May 2, 2004 11:08 AMfrom IP: 67.172.80.183Hey all, Love to all you guys , too. Thanks for the encouregment. Tom and Clay ran to Walmart for a minute so the house would be peaceful so I could nap. I am getting around ok on my own for short periods of time. I am greatful Paige is still at her friend's house and hasn't seen me since surgery. I am alot less scary looking today. My mouth is coming back alive but I have a long way to go yet.I am still really swollen and am now feeling the insion pain. i thought the inssision was only going to be 2 inches. a family from church brought us dinner (basball family, too)and she was a nurse and she said I am healing fine but ws shocked to see a 5 inch incision on my neck.I didnt know it was that big. Thanks for all the good thoughts, i love you all. Many poeople want to come over but i say no very politely. just not ready yet. feel bad about my mouth, but i will have to get over that i am supposed to go back to work tuesday. i think i am taking more time off. i need to. well i am going to get in bed before tom gets home and gets mad for me being up. mary , we have built home with alot of love, i feel it very much right now, and any time i need him. he is there. i am lucky. i thank god for tom all the time, i thank god for all you ,too. i dont know if i could get through last 4 months without all you . tim you dont have to be here for me to feel you, kis kiss Kel Posted by: KELLY on May 3, 2004 05:34 AMfrom IP: 68.72.9.100Kelly, best wishes for a speedy recovery! with love and hugs, Posted by: Julie on May 3, 2004 05:44 AMfrom IP: 208.60.249.8 Kelly, the very best of wishes to you for a comfortable recovery and for nothing short of wonderful health from now on. Diane, continued best wishes for you also. Peter Posted by: Peter on May 3, 2004 04:07 PMfrom IP: 203.41.31.174Paul, there was an article in yesterday's paper regarding the implosion of the Australian TV acting industry due to the so-called "reality" shows. I can't understand why it's called "reality". Unfortunately, I feel it's brainwashing an impressionable young audience into normalising to pre-digested dribble, at the expense of a great industry, and the essence of our culture. So, that's my say. My heart aches for all soldiers who are dying and serving in Iraq especially Pat Tillman who gave up $3.6 mil contract for what he believes in. Prayed for them and we should count all our blessings. Posted by: Jean on May 3, 2004 08:05 PMfrom IP: 63.71.157.131Jean Peter Kelly Gotta go, more toddler proofing to do. They will be here tomorrow. Take care Hi ALL! Kelly, hope the recovery is going well. I finally found a few minutes to write. I've been really really busy with school. A lot to know in a short period of time. I have a test and a quiz every week. Three hours of lecture a day and then three hours of clinic each day. I'm enjoying myself so far. I'm learning a lot about medical terminology and I'm starting to feel more relaxed and talk to people in my group. THere is one lady in my group who is legally blind and she's become a real inspiration to everyone in my class. She told me that she's only had her condition the past two years and after sitting hope feeling sorry for herself during that time she decided to return to "living". Some of the students are very young around 18 and others are comming back to school as a retirement transition. One of the two males in our class, Dan, is 50 years old and is a retired military officer. I though he was going to have a heart attack last week after he opened the biology book. He said that being tested on the parts of the human cell is tougher than anything he has ever encountered in the military. So far we haven't had to resisitate him (haha). Its funny how energetic the young ones are (the chickies as Millie calls them). It's a good energy that brings up my spririts. Well, I have a test to study for tomorrow. Take care all and hopefully I'll have more interesting gossip to share next post. Take Care All, Posted by: Julie on May 4, 2004 04:14 AMfrom IP: 209.214.1.232Just checking in to see how you are doing Kelly and to wish Diane the best of luck with tomorrow's surgery. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Love and best wishes to Paul and everyone else. Mary Posted by: Mary on May 4, 2004 06:34 AMfrom IP: 83.70.38.40Diane, my friend, may you be surrounded by loving, healing light for your surgery today. I'll be thinking of you and sending you loads of good energy! Love to you, Paul spend time with your parents, your wife, your daughters. And please think about putting your life story into a book or a script. You have had a unique life, one which should be told. Life is swept along, Samyutta Nikaya II, 19 Posted by: Jo on May 4, 2004 08:55 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.137May I post a question here since I can never get my Yahoo password to work and don't know where else to post it? There is a comedian by the name of Paul Mecurio in New York. He is sort of the Lenny Bruce of 2004. (Anybody out there know who Lenny Bruce is?) Looking for this site I found his site first, accidently. It seems he is getting ready to make a movie in this country (U.S.A.). My question is how can he be using the name Paul Mecurio when the Australian Paul Mecurio made a movie first? Michael Keaton's real name is Michael Douglas, but he had to change his name because there was already a Michael Douglas. If anyone could explain this to me I would appreciate it. I don't think two people having the same name would help anybodys career. Posted by: Jo(inTexas) on May 4, 2004 09:36 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.207My thoughts are with you Diane. Jo intexas: Diane...sending positive vibes. I have a whole list of honey do's for today. None of which I am really inspired to do. I have my daughter with me, so that gives me an excuse to do nothing but play. She's such a trip and she gets into everything, I just don't know how mom's traditionally get everything done with children and for themselves. I am totally in awe of my wife. She can keep Annalise all day and clean house and shop and on and on. I can hardly get the bed made and a bathroom cleaned. Two trips with the car seat and I'm burnt out. So to all my women friends here. You have my utmost respect and admiration. I am supposed to take an entrance exam tomorrow but I think I'll postpone it till next week. I'm starting a Masters program. MBA haven't quite decided what I want to specifically gravitate towards. It's an 18 month program. Classes are very condensed. I'm tired of being poor. I've been rejected from too many opportunities b/c I don't have an MBA...I just looked this weekend and there were several opportunities from the $80's + if you had your MBA and CPA. Consider me there next December (2005). I'll always be able to do hair and dance and other things, however for me I've got four kids to think about for the rest of my life and my wife and I would like to retire like Auntie Mil and El one day. Wish me luck on the test. Since I took the GMAT before I just have to take their admissions test. Thank God. Chin up everyone. It's finally getting warm here in Atlanta. Sorry your winter is starting in OZ. But hey we're on the flip flop of things. Love to everyone. peace and love Tim Posted by: Tim on May 5, 2004 12:01 AMfrom IP: 216.78.40.157JO (in Texas) Kelly Diane Gotta go! Love to all Thanks for the information. It is very confusing and I still think it is a terrible injustice to our Paul that the other guy is using a name that is so similar. Lenny Bruce was in the 50's. He was a lewd, crude and socially unacceptable individual. I remember the incident with the shock jocks, as they are called in this country, and the "comedian" Paul Mecurio. It was NOT funny. Posted by: Jo(in Texas) on May 5, 2004 12:26 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.213Paul, WOW!!! It has been a few weeks since I posted anything, but I do read your messages and I could not resist this one. . . the world is too large, there are SO many things I want to do. . .but, by golly. . . so what! Marge, you took the words 'off my fingers.' Paul's Corner and this wonderful internet certainly makes the world smaller and more intimate. I know none of you but it is such pleasure when I hear from any of you (Cat and Grandma Mil, you are terrific!) But what do I want to do. . .love my husband more, read, travel, sing, dance, clean my house, be a better teacher, be a better Buddhist, meditate more, watch Strictly Ballroom daily, repot and enjoy my plants more than I do, etc., etc., etc. Yet, you know what? I DO get all of this done, somehow! And, there's even more I want to do. . .like you, Paul. You want to come to Florida? I would love to go to Australia and meet you. . . France and meet Tina Turner. . .to meet Micael Jordan. I have dreams. . . and all this makes life SO VERY exciting and ALIVE. Posted by: Helen on May 5, 2004 01:00 AMfrom IP: 4.243.194.39Hello! Kelly-I hope that you continue to heal wonderfully everyday and are back on your feet in no time. Please update us when you can. Diane-Sending warm get well after your surgery wishes!! Julie-That's lovely about your classes-wishing you much success! You sounded so upbeat-keep up the positive energy! Marge-Toddler Proof? I have a 5 year old and a soon to be 3 year old. I have learned that NOTHING is toddler proof (laugh and sigh)! I hope that the visit is fun and smooth!! Helen-I watch SB everyday-my little girls request it on a daily basis-I never tire of it. Tim-WOW-4 kids-I'm outta breath just thinking about that! We're trying for Baby #3. Two people (one who has no kids and one who has two kids) made negative remarks about it. Did you have to listen to anyone's negative remarks and if so-how did you handle it? And, good luck with your upcoming classes-do keep us posted. Peter-I absolutely detest these "reality" shows. I'm a public television fan. And, the rest of PC-hope all is well. HUGS! I'm hoping to continue the journey of "my life and how it used to be". I had gone through an extremly stressful and emotional situation at my previous job. That experience changed me and not for the better. I changed jobs but still work within the same organization. Since I've been coming to PC-I've begun see little flecks of light and hope. I'm hoping that the "old me" will come back. I liked the old me. I don't want to really give any details because the experience is still painful and I learned a few really, really hard and tough lessons. I've been gone from that job for almost 8 months but I'm still haunted about what happened there. So, coming here and "listening" to others is beginning to help me. HUGS! Abeth To all those with comments about the number of children..I just say it's my business. Our fourth was not planned but it was our one and only daughter and we wouldn't trade it for the world. Crazy as hell in our house, but like I said we love it. Happy days to everyone. Tim Posted by: Tim Hord on May 5, 2004 03:15 AMfrom IP: 216.78.46.76I skimmed (as usual), but I did want to answer Jo's question. I think you'll find when the other Paul's movie comes out, that his name is slightly different. Probably he'll use his middle initial. Both Pauls spell it "Mercurio", but they have different middle names. As far as I know, you cannot register a duplicate name with the Screen Actors Guild. As to the topic at hand, wow--it's so hard to do the things we want to do, and still keep the house clean, ya know? Slowly, we've been building things into the routine, having more adventures as time goes on. But unless we live forever (which we're hoping for!), there's no way we'll see everything we want to. Imagine if there were more than just this planet to explore! Posted by: Cat on May 5, 2004 04:21 AMfrom IP: 208.27.203.128It still sounds like the other Paul is taking advantage of an established name. That should not be allowed. I gather from the post that most of the people here are rather young. Let me tell you something that I have learned. Do the things you want to do and don't put them off. If you put them off too long you might have the time and you might have the money, but I can guarantee you that you won't have the energy. Posted by: Jo(InTexas) on May 5, 2004 04:37 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.249Cat said "Imagine if there were more than just this planet to explore". I'm counting on it! That being said, I'm also relying on the possibility that I'll have more than this lifetime to get to know the universe.:) Dreaming all the time, Diane, sending you warm, healing light. I hope that yor recovery is comfortable. Tim, the MBA sounds like a great plan. A lot of hard work, but the results will be worth it, financially and otherwise. Abeth, what's "public television"? Peter Posted by: Peter on May 5, 2004 05:25 AMfrom IP: 203.41.31.153And I don't want the world to see me Thanks to the Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris". Peter Posted by: Peter on May 5, 2004 05:27 AMfrom IP: 203.41.31.153Michelle, I know what you mean. It's all out there, isn't it? Surely one definition of paradise/perfection/heaven is getting the chance to experience and know it all? Tim, I wish you the very best of luck with the test. It sounds like a very positive move. Hopefully, we'll end up studying at the same time! BTW, what a beautiful name your daughter has. Marge, your excitement is jumping off the screen! I hope you have a wonderful visit with your daughter. Julie, glad to hear your course is going well. Abeth, sorry to hear you've been through a difficult time. I think if after any painful experience you can say that you learnt something from it, then it has served a purpose. I understand what you're saying about PC. It is a healing, positive place. Peter, who are the Goo Goo Dolls?? I presume they're a group, but are they current or retro? Kelly & Diane, the best of healing thoughts to you both. Evelyn, how are you? Love to all of you out there, Mary, the Goo Goo Dolls are current. Love to you too, Mary. Posted by: Peter on May 5, 2004 06:01 AMfrom IP: 203.41.31.153Peter, just listened to 'Iris'. Yes, very powerful. Particularly liked verses 1 & 2. Feeling like this about someone - heaven on earth. Take care, FYI to everyone. Kelly My kids are here! My kids are here! How are you doing Paul? Gotta go! Peter We have another public service channel that anyone can put whatever video they want to put on it. I don't watch this channel as there is nothing but trash on it. This junk is allowed on this channel due to our freedom of speech issue in our Constitution. I discovered it about 3 in the morning channel surfing, and almost "dropped my teeth" it was so bad, as it was couples having orgies. I won't be more graphic than that. I have blocked it out and complained to the local cable network. The kids went to a "rapier" practice where they got to see a lot of friends all at once. Take Care, Hello everyone, as promised, I’m slowly working myself through the posts; finished the one on “The Wall” and just a few brief thoughts that came to mind. About a year or a year and a half ago, when I felt I was just crashing into my damn wall without finding a way around it/through it/over it etc. Paul you said something quite obvious to me that I hadn’t thought about, something to the effect of “Stop running into the wall and look for the door that’s close by and calmly walk through it.” Sometimes it seems that the only way to get through it is to destroy the wall, but most likely it is about finding that door and about staying calm. Lately, I’ve found that when I’m not letting the wall intimidate me and when I’m staying calm, I find inner strength, hope and endurance to deal with uncertainty, frustration and am just more peaceful and happy. Another thought on the wall, there are moments when it feels that I’m standing on quicksand and everything just falls away beneath me, the wall sure comes in handy as a firm place to hold on to and hang on. I’m not sure, but whenever I feel that way, everything else may be shifting but the wall does not. That is its protective function for me. Just another perspective on that. Is the world too big? Yes, it is, mostly in the good way, because it gives me all the possibilities and opportunities because it is so big; and sometimes it’s intimidating, because it is so big and I feel lost, unsure of where to turn and what to focus on, but mostly I embrace it for the positivity that it contains and allows me to participate in. Mary, I’m still busy, but this is the last week of classes (Thank God!!!), busy with proficiency testing, today was the one hour writing exam, now I have to grade them, the next three days are oral proficiency interviews 10 –15 minutes per student, and next week there’s the 2 hour reading and listening exam, but at least that’s a computerized exam so we don’t need to grade those. That’s the final exam for the 2nd year students (very intense and I feel sorry for them!) and then there’s the final exam for the first year class as well. I’ve also applied for all the jobs I could and now it’s back to waiting. I actually got an interview for one job and then after talking to immigration had to withdraw my application as I’d have to go on a specific visa that requires me to leave the US for at least a year after the end of that contract. This was a 10-week term position at a great school, but it would have meant giving up my career for a year and a half afterwards because of the academic schedule. Immigration makes me so mad … I accept that that’s not where I was supposed to go, even though it looked like a great opportunity and it would have been. There’s something out there for me and I’m going to find it! I also worked on a creative project the last week which helped calm my nerves and gave me focus and great pleasure. It’s my Mum’s birthday tomorrow, actually already today in her time zone, and I made her a watercolor calendar of 12 of her favorite places around the world. I love watercolors, very unpredictable and thus a greater challenge artistically (for me) and this was a fun project. I liked some of them so much, I scanned them and then transferred them on t-shirts. It’s fun to wear my own art :) Kelly and Diane, you are in my thoughts and I’m visualizing you healing nicely and fully. Paul, I hope you get where you wish to go happily, undepressed, that doors open, that the path reveals itself to you in greatest clarity and brings you and your wife and your daughters great joy and the stability you desire and deserve. Congrats on the job! May there be more and not conflicting with the 6 1/2 days you committed to the other job. Be well and sending you my best wishes! Love to all of you, I really miss participating, but I will do once things slow down a bit. Posted by: Evelyn on May 5, 2004 10:50 AMfrom IP: 128.101.248.246Marge, I looked those movies up for you. One is called High Art, Low Life written and directed by Peter Nourjian and the other one that is coming out this fall is called Faux Pix. I also noticed that sometimes this comedian spells his name with an R and other times without an R so that makes it even more confusing. If Paul reads these I would like to ask him a question. How does your wife feel about some of the love story situations that you have in movies like The First 9 1/2 Weeks and Exit to Eden? Or does she not watch your movies. This is something I truly can not relate to. My own husband works with two old Chinese ladies and a computer! Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 5, 2004 08:51 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.157Grandma Mil here...I spoke to Diane the day before her surgery, and by now, hopefully, she is on the road to a full recovery, and if her husband, Allan, drops me an email on how she's doing, I will convey that information. I also have her home address, and if anyone wants to send her a card, etc., let me know and I will send her address to you, but not on this site. I have most of the email address of all my chickies, in preparation for FIF, anyway. Kelly, hoping to hear good news! Marge, bless you, your description of Public Television to Peter was so accurate. I depend on it at times also, for my monthly video concerts, "The Sights and Sounds of Music" which is in its tenth season. I use scenes from ballet, opera, and documentary, from PBS, along with other sources, like the movies. No commercials, Peter, but there is a long appeal for new members which lasts almost 15 minutes that drives me to distraction! Last night, in the season's end of "Sights and Sounds", I had a lovely crowd in the auditorium, and after greeting everyone, and "singing" (lipsyncing) "With a Song In My Heart", I started the program by pressing the remote, which is supposed to bring the video scenes on the large 9ft. screen...nothing happened...just a lousy blue screen, no sound, and I knew I was in deep----. I struggled for 10 minutes, and then told the audience that the equipment was definitely not working, and no use. The audience filed out of the auditorium, obviously disappointed, but not before a bunch came up to the edge of the stage and assured me that it was not my fault, and not to worry, they still loved my programs, and would be back at another performance when the equipment was fixed. It was the first time in 10 years that this had happened. No big deal in the light of all that is happening in this world, and tomorrow is another day...(and I have another showing, but the powers that be told me an hour ago that it would all be fixed, if possible!) Now, Peter, can you see how Marge and I love PBS? Aren't you sorry you asked??? "Follies" is coming along wonderfully. I'm already looking for costumes for certain acts, Ellie and I are leaving for Connecticut on Tuesday (flying, ugh) to attend a granddaughter's Bas Mitzvah. We are looking forward to spending a week with our two daughters and their families, and old friends. Then, it's back to Florida for the summer rehearsals, etc. By the way, I have lost enough weight (28 lbs.) to be able to get into clothes one size less. Svelte I will never be, but at least people remark that they already see the difference...in my face! I think the double chin has receded! Peace and love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on May 5, 2004 09:56 PMfrom IP: 4.234.21.99Millie, well done on dropping a dress size! I hope the next showing of Sights & Sounds goes without a hitch. Love to you. Evelyn, I am doing just fine. I've had a hectic couple of weeks at work (end of term looming, like yourself) but next Monday, I'll be heading away with my class for five days and I'm looking forward to that (a form of madness!). We'll be staying in a Gaeltacht - an area where our own language (Gaeilge) is spoken as the first language. The welcome is always warm, the children love it and for the teachers, as we say here, the craic is mighty! Lots of time to myself. Can't wait. When I come back, I hope to be starting my studies. The thought of it is exciting and challenging. A good combination! I wish you the best with the job search. As always, I wish you the job that is right for you. In the meantime, you are clocking up experience in trying to maintain calm in the midst of uncertainty. Not pleasant but worthwhile. There is something out there for you and when you find it, you'll just know it's for you. Peter, I smiled when I read my last post about the song and how the emotion expressed in it swept me away on first listening. I listened to it again just now and saw a great deal more in the words. It made me think about first impressions and how they really need others to give the full picture of something. But sometimes, just feeling and not thinking feels very good. Love to Kelly, Diane and all, Posted by: Mary on May 6, 2004 03:37 AMfrom IP: 83.70.46.5 Millie-Have a most wonderful and safe trip. Is a Bas Mitzvah equal to Bar Mitzvah? Sorry to hear about your mishap with your viewing but ---- happens and sometimes it's best just to laugh about it!! You go girl with the weight loss. And, please do email me Diane's address so that I may send her a card with get well wishes. Marge-Thank you for the perfect description of PBS. One of my favorites is "Frontline" with Bill Moyers and David Boncacio(spelling?). Here's to hoping you survive "the visit"! Peter-I do believe Marge answered the public television question perfectly. Jo-I saw your comment about you being the one who said you thought Paul was nice and not being the one who commented on his bum....well....you're not too old for this site! Evelyn-What do you teach and where are you from? Tim-Thanks for the great words of advice. I can't wait to post "my due date"!! Keep your fingers crossed that the Baby Dust Fairy pays us a visit this month!! I have two girls now and wouldn't mind in the least what the Fairy decides to bring us. My oldest daughter keeps telling everyone that she's getting a baby brother-maybe she has the inside track.... Mary-Yes, I learned toooo much from my experience. For some reason-my journey has taken me to PC. I have lost alot of faith in the human race and my mind was way too clouded with ominus thoughts. With each passing week-life offers a new perspective. Forgive me if I've mentioned this before....my youngest daughter (she'll be 3 in June), sings "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps" into her microphone on her little play cash register! It just about kills me to watch and hear her! She was doing it this morning while we were getting ready for daycare school. Hey-it was better than listening to the theme song for "Sponge Bob Square Pants"! For those of you who have never heard of this character and song-feel blessed! HUGS! Dear "The Mill", congratulations on losing that 28lbs. That's an extraordinary effort, in my books. I hope you enjoy your trip to Connecticut and visiting with family and friends. Be careful, they may not recognise you....! Ah, Mary! Marge, thanks for the info. on public television. Peter, don't let this go to your head, but left-brained or otherwise, you're lovely just as you are. Nuff said. Mary PS Yes, it is great! Posted by: Mary on May 6, 2004 05:39 AMfrom IP: 83.70.46.5Abeth, I'm a fan of Frontline, too! I also like Nova, and Now with Bill Moyers. I've learned so many great things from Public Television, most notably when Nova had a program called The Elegant Universe which explained String Theory. It was the first time I was able to connect science with my spiritual beliefs. Awesome! I also loved The Sacred Balance which was, on the surface, a show about ecology, but in it's essence described the connection between all of us and everything else in the universe. The Power of Myth with Joseph Campbell was wonderful as well. Mary, when you wrote about how good it feels to feel without thinking, I sighed. We seem to lose the ability to let ourselves go when we decide we're grown up. I suppose we have good reasons to think things through at times, but a lot of the time I think we hold back out of fear of losing control. Figuring out when to be cautious and when to allow ourselves the luxury of just "feeling" takes some practice I suppose, but it's vital that we remember what life can be like when we allow ourselves that freedom. Deep sigh... Marge, I hope you're enjoying the time with your family. It sounds like your animals will be having some fun as well! Good to hear from you, Evelyn! Here's hoping you get to relax and breathe deeply very soon. Mil, thanks for the update on Diane, and a big hug of congratulations on your weight-loss! Peter, I'm a Goo Goo Dolls fan. They did a rockin version of Tom Petty's song American Girl at the Concert for New York City after 9/11. They're one of the reasons I bought the DVD as well as the CD. Love to Kelly and Diane! Where are Janice and Dhiana? Hello to all the Corner, peace to all of you. Be Well,
Posted by: Michelle on May 6, 2004 05:54 AMfrom IP: 24.14.248.67 Peter, I have to tell you that you've completely blown all my stereotypical notions regarding engineers completely out of the water. You're such an introspective, thinking/feeling, radically open to the possibilities kind of guy! I LOVE that about you! Michelle Posted by: Michelle on May 6, 2004 06:03 AMfrom IP: 24.14.248.67Mary and Michelle, I agree with you when describing our Peter. Years ago (when I was younger...er, much younger) my opinions of Australian males were based on the characteristics of characters like Crocodile Dundee. Then, when I grew up, I discovered our Paul, Peter, and Hugh Jackman, and love the Aussie women, like Tara Morice, Toni Collette and Rachel Griffiths. Nicole Kidman is all right, but she always plays...Nicole Kidman. I was so enamoured with anything Aussie that I actually thought that the Outback restaurants with their Aussie motifs was authentic, until I realized that it was just an old fashioned American steakhouse, with kangaroo pictures and Sheila restrooms thrown in! I just got back from the media auditorium where the fiasco of my Tuesday night video concert occurred. A new VCR was installed today, and I tried out the tape again and it works fine, all set for Thursday night...I hope. Love and Peace, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on May 6, 2004 07:04 AMfrom IP: 4.231.202.20Whew! Just got back from Logan shopping for new clothes. Jeff's birthday is today and I got him what he wanted. He turned an "old" thirty today. His hobby is "War Hammer Fantasy", assembling very small figures and painting them. Some of you may be familiar with this. It's like putting together model planes or cars, only on a very small scale. He uses jeweler's loops. Thank you all for the acknoldgements on our PBS stations. Twice a year they have what I call their "beg-a-thon", that interupts the program that they are presenting to get more people to sign up. It's annoying, but worth it. I also like Front Line, Bill Moyer and others. We also have many subscribers from BC Canada. There are 2 PBS stations here. One is from the University of Washington, in Seattle, and the other is from the Pacific Lutheran University, in Tacoma, I think. They both have quality programming. Gran Mil Taking family out to dinner for Jeff's birthday. Take Care, Going back to the thought of "does the world seem to big for you". When I was a kid I lived in a small town in East Texas and the skies at night were beautiful - so many stars. (Of course, now I live in Houston where you see helicopters at night and get all excited because you think that they are stars.) I would look up at the heavens and try to imagine it just going on and on and on - never ending and I would get crazy just thinking about it. We are just a speck in that vast universe and somewhere out there someone else is looking at us thinking how the heavens just go on and on and on. Everything seems too big for me if I think about it - the world, the universe. There will never be enough time to do everything in one life or on one planet or in one universe. Very, very scary. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 6, 2004 09:01 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.162Marge..30? don't you just wish you could be 30 with the wisdom you have now? I do. The body and strength would be wonderful. Oh yes, I too much prefer Perhaps, perhaps,perhaps to Sponge Bob...argh. It's funny in this stage of mostly unemployment my list of to do's far out weigh my time. How does that happen? peace and love Tim Posted by: Tim Hord on May 6, 2004 09:08 PMfrom IP: 216.78.46.185Paul write to me...i´ll send my pic to u...if you want to see me...of course.. Kisses Caaarol Posted by: Carol on May 6, 2004 09:30 PMfrom IP: 200.249.118.254Hey all, NO CANCER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Monika, Mil, Tim, Mary, Paul, Peter, Marge, Julie, Evelyn and everyone else. I think all your prayers and positive healing light did it! Thank you to all of you. They still don't know what I have but they know it isn't cancer. Thank the Lord. I am very swollen still and in more pain now since going off the pain killers, than after surgery but I am doing well. I had such an outporing of love from people I don't think I will ever walk another day on this earth feeling unloved or unimportant, as I have felt most of my life. It all started here with all of you. You guys change lives without realizing it. A few kind words (and emails)can go so far. I am living proof. I don't know what lies ahead for me now or if they will find out what this is, but I know I will not be alone. Thanks... I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kiss kiss hug hug I am still tired so back to bed. I go back to work on MOnday. My boss said she will take it slow for me on the phone since my speach is still very slow and poor. The doctor said he had to go so deep that my nerve was stretched but will come back within 6 weeks. Lets hope. Love to all. Kelly Haggard (loved and cared for in Michigan) xoxoxoxoxox Posted by: KELLY on May 7, 2004 12:03 AMfrom IP: 68.72.9.100Kelly Just getting everyone going today. We are all refreshed from yesturday's mega shopping. Logan slept through the night, so we all got a goods nights sleep. Going to visit a few people today. gotta go! Dearest Tim, The best to you as you study and then take your exams! We know you will attain your goals by getting your Masters or MBA. You are still young enough, and you have other skills to keep the family going. No one said it would be easy, Tim, but the 18 months will fly by, and you will never regret taking the plunge now. Your Auntie Mil went back to school in her early 40s, got her teaching degree, worked for 21 years, and retired with a pension. Now, as a senior citizen, I have embarked on the "career" of my lifetime with my Stud Muffin, (showbiz in the senior community) and we're relishing every moment! As a CPA you could easily work right into your senior years, with time off to go on vacations with your wife, or better yet, move to Florida, and enjoy the pace of life (and the weather)where it seems like a vacation every day! Good for you, go for it, with all our blessings, right everyone??? Peace and Love, Auntie Mil (The Mil) Posted by: Grandma Mil on May 7, 2004 12:25 AMfrom IP: 4.234.132.30Dearest Kelly, You made my day!!! Smooch, smooch, kiss, kiss, hug, hug, praise the Lord!!!! (I'm all worn out now...can't take the excitement!) Gratefully, Grandma Mil Posted by: Grandma Mil on May 7, 2004 12:39 AMfrom IP: 4.234.132.30That's wonderful news Kelly!! I am so happy for you! One big hurdle over with. Keep trusting that they will get to the bottom of this and make you better. You're right. You're not alone. And I think it's easy for us to send you love and positive energy. You bring so much of both here yourself for the rest of us. Lots of love to you. Jo, I agree with Abeth, when you come to the Corner, you tend to leave your age at the door. Peter, re: music. Without it in my life, I'd be surviving not living. I am also a 'head' person and sometimes being like that can make everything so intense. Music liberates me to some amazing dimension where I don't have to think. Each time it happens I am surprised to find myself there! It can be any kind of music, as long as it affects me. I actually believe it's a glimpse of the spiritual dimension. I'll be very disappointed/surprised if music is not an integral part of it. Do you like particular kinds of music or are you open to anything? Michelle, as you know, I know exactly where you're coming from with regards to the whole fear thing holding you back. Thinking too much can lead to fear easily if you're that way inclined. Maybe we can coach each other to lean more in the other direction and throw caution to the wind more often?!:) Paul, I hope all is well with you. Thinking of you. Diane, healing thoughts to you.
Kelly-Hooray!!! What a huge amount of relief you must be feeling. Continue to get well! Mary-I can relate to the music experience. Music truly does take me somewhere. A friend recently gave me a Tom Jones greatest hits cd(inside personal joke) but I've been listening to it. He does a rendition of Prince's "Kiss", which sounds way cool! And, my personal favorites are "It's Not Unusual" and "She's A Lady". Michelle-I love Nova, too! Years ago, there used to be a series on about WW II. I think it was called Battlefield. Anyway-it was amazing. I loved the live footage. The other series I loved was The History of Rock-N-Roll. My little girls watch the cartoons on PBS. A few of my favorites are Clifford, Dragon Tales, and Teletubbies. I found myself watching them in the morning a few times after I took my girls to daycare school and I was home sick!! Hey, while I'm thinking about it-anyone from the Maryland area? Diane-Hope you're doing well. Hello to everyone at PC! Have a lovely evening!! HUGS! KELLY, KELLY ...!!!...excellent news!! Tim, I'm really impressed. You're doing something very, very positive and you will reap the rewards. Good luck to you, my friend. Mary, Yes, Yes, Yes. The music takes us somewhere else. From one head person to another, I can well empathise with your described experience. Cheers to all at PC Peter WARNING...WARNING... It seems that everyday, in some way, I am reminded of what is of true value. As for the one who let me down, (my BM), well,...I guess there is a reason, even if it exists only in her poor, twisted, mind. Not that anyone else could understand it (save a few such as she). (You may now return to normal viewing).
Peter Peter, I'm so sorry that you have had to endure the pain brought on by this woman. I suppose the irony is that you wouldn't feel the depth of gratitude toward your current circumstances with your own family had she not been so horrible to you. Or maybe you would, I just don't know. I guess your level of peace depends on how you perceive the journey. Those pesky choices! Her's will no doubt haunt her on past this lifetime. Kelly, I'm so happy to hear that all is well! Keep healing and we'll keep shining the light for you! Love to you, Diane. Be well. Peace wherever you are, Peter, yes, the vocals are very important. I love such a variety of voices and groups that I couldn't name them all in one sitting! But a few of my favourites are James Taylor (amazing live), Don McLean, Carly Simon, Paul Simon, Neil Young, John Denver - all 'voices' and all people I 'grew up' with. I LOVE America - one favourite is Ventura Highway. Do you know The Lighthouse Family? David Gray - very introspective. I bonded with his music almost immediately! Two Irish singers I love - Paul Brady and Brian Kennedy. Both worth checking out if you haven't heard them. I also love classical music. It lifts me to a special place. No words, no clear directions in which to go. Open road to wherever I wish to go. I feel so lucky to appreciate it all. And Peter, I don't think you can get a much higher lesson in this life experience than to learn what is of true value. Your experience with your BM could have led so easily to a diminished sense of self and a negative outlook. To have come through such a challenge wiser, stonger and richer in the ways that count is, I think, a reflection on how far you have come on your 'mission' in this lifetime. And ultimately, I think it is all about our own individual purpose. No matter how close, biologically or in spirit, our fellow travellers are to us, in the end, I believe it's about our own individual journey. I reckon (and hope) that you've some of the rougher stretches of road behind you at this stage. I wish you much joy with your family. Hi Michelle! It's nice to know that you're around and calling in at roughly the same time as me. It's an added connection! Hope you are well. Take care all, Hey gang. Kelly, great news! I hope whatever they discover you have comes with a quick fix. Peter Many people who try and find their biological Mother or Father has been disasterous. I chose to keep my daughter and I love her dearly. She asked me a few times about her BF. I told her if she was interested in looking him up when she was older, I would give her names and phone numbers, but said to be prepared to have the door slammed in your face. She decided that because he never chose to find her, she wasn't interested in seeing him. I have a friend named Nicki who knew she was adopted. She did find her berth parents and contacted them. I was very worried that it would be a disaster. It wasn't! After she came back from meeting them, at Thanksgiving, she said "Marge, I have a whole new family, aunts, uncles, cousins, a sister and brother and many more. So some stories do turn out for the better. She adopted two girls herself who had been living in a van all their lives with their drug dealing parents. They were 5 & 7 at the time. They were like wild animals, they didn't know table manners, or hygene habits . Nicki went through quite a time with them. The older one ended up in Juvenile prison for a time. She has since turned life around, has a daughter and a good job. The other joined the the Air Force after September 11th. I have rambled on long enough. My thoughts and prayers are with you Peter. You have so much to give to others. Don't waste you time on what probably won't happen. Paul Take care, & love to all.
Hello! I just spent an hour reading this thread and 30 minutes typing my message to you, but it seems to hve disappeared. Now the sedative is kicking in and my arm hurts from using this otherwise amazing piece of technology. My doctor says the surgery was a success. He thinks they got all the cancer. We'll know better when the lab reports come back. My big news of the day was being able to start a liquid diet.. Yahoo! Kelly, I'm wishing you a full and speedy recovery. And to all my friends here, thank you for your love and support. You helped remove so much of my fear. I'll be sending loving thoughts for Desiree and to all of you as you meet your challenges. I should be home by Saturday and I'll write more then. Mazel Tov, Millie and Elliott. Have a wonderful trip!!! love, Diane Posted by: Diane on May 7, 2004 01:47 PMfrom IP: 207.104.230.210Hello everyone, Haven't posted for a while, been pretty busy, especially at work. Kelly, Grandma Mil, Diane, Inn,
Hope you all have a nice weekend!! Love to you all, Monika
Dear Paul, Diane, wishing you well and please get well soon. Marge, don't worry about Paul on a motorcycle. My husband has ridden them for 25 years and never had even one accident. He says they are actually safer than cars. I insist he wear a helmet though. I used to make wine which I suppose is a little like making beer. I got a little carried away with it though making tomato wine and onion wine, then nobody would drink it. I "aged" some of the bottles because nobody would drink it and then when I took them out they were very passable as a wine. The best was the rose hip wine which made a good strong red wine. I bought dried rose hips for that. And, of course, the strawberry wine which I made from fresh strawberries. If anybody would drink my wine I would get back into it, but I can make more than anyone can drink and it is rather a strong brew! Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 7, 2004 09:13 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.206Diane, I am glad you are on the road to recovery. you are in my prayers, I am so glad to hear from you. We have all been worried for you. Marge, It is too soon to go back to work , but what can i do? Bills to pay and we already live hand to mouth as it is. cant afford time off no pay. Dont forget, I'm an amazon, remember. Inn, I am praying for your friend. I hope she wakes very soon. Stay strong and send your angels to her. I did that for my friend when she was in a coma and it worked. It took 4 days without my angles and alot of bad stuff happened to me in those 4 days, but as soon as I asked them back my luck changed. (i waited until she woke up and was in the clear before i asked them back) I know, I know, many dont share my thoughts on angles , but this is what I believe and it gives me great comfort, and don't forget my mother saw hers during her accident. Mil, conrats on losing the weight! koodos to you you sexy thing! Even though my son is out for the whole baseball season, we still go to all games and my son sits on the bench in his uniform, i am always there to encourage the boys (right next to the dugout) and i give them kind words of encouregment and love throughout the game, and I missed 2 games because of my surgery, and the boys all came to see me and told how much they missed me and what a big difference i mean to them during the game. these big 13 year old boys the size of men who are not supposed to like shows of affection, cant seem to get along without my hugs and kisses, its so funny. the opposing coaches always comment on it (sissy boys) until they see us play and we kill them all! it nice they need me. anyway we lost the 2 games i was not at and they blamed me!! they said it wasnt the same and they needed my love to get throught the game. isnt that incredable ??!!! The parents said the same thing! Our team of boys and team of parents are really a family in so many ways. We all go to the same church and everything. We went to church on Tuesday to see a speaker who used to paly pro baseball named DaveTrebecky, I know I spelled that wrong, anyway, he got cancer in his pitching arm and had to have it amputated, ending his carreer. He spoke at our church. Our head coach, Rick, put all our boys in the front row and set Clay front and center. He talked to Dave before the speech and told him how Clay is a pitcher and how devistated he was to be out the season with injury. Dave addressed Clay personally in his speech and spoke directly to him in front of 800 people. Clay was so floored. He couldn't belive it. Clay was so moved my Daves words. Our local newspaper interviewed Clay after the speech and ran it in the paper! Instead of Clay talking about how bummed he was about his injury, he talked about how motivated Daves speech had made him and how amazed he was with Dave and his courage. Thats my boy!! We met Dave after the speech and I told him about my scare and he was so nice to us. I couldn't believe it. He is truley an angel. Enough from me, sorry to have rambled, Life just seems so much sweeter these days. Paige has been pulling awesome grades lately and she feels so good about herself. I am in a very happy place this week. Sore as all can be, but happy! Kelly Hi everyone Kim-Yes, please join us! The more the merrier!! And, welcome. I've been here for a short time and am feeling right at home. I've met some really nice people here-I hope that you like it! HUGS! Kim, Welcome! Tell us about yourself, please. Kelly Posted by: KELLY on May 8, 2004 02:02 AMfrom IP: 68.72.9.100Hello again and thanks for the welcome. I wasn't sure if I should join in or not as you all seem to know each other so well. Hooray Kelly and Diane. Best wishes and hope you're feeling top notch soon. peace and love to everyone.. Tim Posted by: Tim Hord on May 8, 2004 02:22 AMfrom IP: 216.78.33.102Jo (Texas) I tried to e-mail but for some strange reason it won't go through, I'll try again tomorrow. I hope your husband makes a speedy recovery, say hello to him for me and I'll keep my fingers crossed that you can make it back over to the UK next year. Hi Diane! It's wonderful to hear from you. Wishing you continued and complete healing. Take care. Sending healing prayers and energy to Inn's friend Desiree. Monika, I'll be thinking of you over the weekend. Sending you lots of calming, positive thoughts to kick out those distorting, fearful thoughts. Kelly, I loved the story about 'your team'. It doesn't surprise me that you're an inspiration to them. I hope you're back in your place next to the dug-out real soon. And what a wonderful experience for Clay to have at such an impressionable age. Kelly, you've earned this time in that happy place. Enjoy it! Kim, you're very welcome! All you have to do to get to know everyone is join in. And remember, each of us was new at one stage or another. Love to Paul and everyone here,
Hi Mary Thanks for the support everyone. Thanks also Kelly for the angel advice. I'm not sure I believe in angels but maybe they believe in me. I'll try anything at this point. Mary, I took my plaae beside the digout tonight and the baoys were glas i was back. however.............. I got hit in the head with a foul ball from the field behind us. HEADS UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPP!! Good thing I am hard headed. It wasnt the ball on the temple that urt so much but the stiffning and clenching i did with my neck when it happened. the boys all ran out and hugged me and all thep arents had ice packs coming from everywere. it was very sweet, but i had my own icepacks as i was already icing my neck just before it happened. Just my luck, hope tommorrows double header will be better.. Kel Posted by: KELLY on May 8, 2004 10:53 AMfrom IP: 68.72.9.100Hello everyone, Mary, Kim,
Wishing everyone a great weekend (again) and for the mothers here a Happy Mothersday!!! Monika Posted by: Monika on May 8, 2004 02:38 PMfrom IP: 81.206.125.3Maybe I am just paranoid, but does Paul Mercurio REALLY make post here or is this just Cat Conner's site and she makes the post. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 8, 2004 09:45 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.205Hi everyone have you all had a good day. It has been cold, wet and windy here for the past few days typical British weather, so if any of you decide to come to England make sure you pick a good month. Hello, everyone. Like Kim, I'm new here; although I've posted a time or two, I've felt a little 'shy' about jumping into the middle of a group where everyone is so obviously close. On the other hand, I've also felt like a bit of a 'spy' - reading all the posts, and staying quietly in the shadows (not my usual style). :) Anyway, I live in the US (in Southern California near Mickey Mouse's Magic Kingdom); however, I'm a bit of an anomaly here as I'm not tall, thin, blonde, tan, young - nor have I had any cosmetic surgery. I'm probably one of the few women in California aging naturally! :) I'm a big fan of Paul's and very much enjoy this website and the comraderie that exists here. And while the world IS a very big place, it certainly shrinks down a bit here, allowing people to reach out and touch each other's lives all over the globe. As a bit of an 'old timer', I find the technology that allows that to happen amazing. Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys a wonderful weekend, and I send out a happy Mother's Day greeting to all the moms! Vicki Posted by: Vicki on May 9, 2004 04:26 AMfrom IP: 152.163.253.8That's okay, Vicki, I'm not tall, thin, blonde, tan, (or young) and never had cosmetic surgery either, but let me welcome you, for this is the best place to be! The "kids" here on The Corner call me Grandma Mil, or The Mil, and I've earned every gray hair and relish each wrinkle. The alternative sucks, as they say. I guess I am Mil the Elder at 71, so welcome...you'll love it here, the same to Kim, I write to Princess Hannah in Manchester, England who we all met here on PC. If you wish to write to her, I can send you the information. She just turned 19, and is someone you would enjoy meeting, she is so loving and upbeat! Happy Mother's Day everyone! Peace and Love, The Mil Posted by: Grandma Mi on May 9, 2004 06:44 AMfrom IP: 4.234.117.208Hi Vicki and welcome, I'm glad I'm not the only new one, we have something in common already. I started out by just sitting back and reading what others were putting and then thought what the heck and joined in too. They all seem to be a great friendly bunch and I hope in time they will think the same about us. Isn't the internet a wonderful thing, it is such a great way of getting to meet new people from all over the world and who know's, become good friends. Grandma Mil, Manchester isn't that far from me, probably a couple of hours on the motorway. I live in Yorkshire (not sure if I mentioned that before). If Princess Hannah wants to write then I would be happy to get in touch with her the more the merrier. To all of the mum's out there Happy Mother's Day and those of us that aren't have a happy day to! Goodnight all, talk again tomorrow. I hope it will be warmer, I'm freezing. Well, I have had my hands slapped for being a Doubting Thomas. It was just hard to believe that anyone famous would actually take the time to even CARE about their fans. Like I told Marge I grew up with someone in the U.S.A. that is famous and today that person really wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire. Welcome Vicki and Kim and Happy Mum's day to all. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 9, 2004 08:52 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.202Jo (in Texas) Went daughter shopping today. I think we are finished with all of that. They are going out tomorrow night with a group of friends to a movie. And I get to watch Logan! Scary!! To bad the Star Trek transporter is broken, other wise I could have Gran Mil beemed up just in case. I am having a wonderful time with my family. We went out for dinner the other night and Logan was being so funny we were laughing so hard we couldn't eat our dinner. I call him Mr. Attitude. When my study group found that I was going to be a grandmother, they had a grandma shower for me. It was so much fun. We got together and wrapped the gifts and took pictures. Alana didn't know about it and I sent it to her and it was a big surprise. The met her and Logan shortly after that. Gotta go HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ALL!!!!!!! Well out of 4 games this weekend so far, OUr boys only won 1 game. They really miss Clay. He was such a huge part of our team. We picked up 3 boys to replace him but only one of them is really working out. I bought all the boys a rose to give to thier moms today for mothers day. I made them tell thier mom the following" THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SACRIFICES THAT YOU MAKE FOR ME, I LOVE YOU , HAPPY MOTHERS DAY" and them hug their mom and give the rose. 3 boys didn't have thier moms there so I was loving on them and I didn't get to see the other boys give their roses!!! arhhhhh but I heard they all loved it. My son was mad at me, i didnt get one for me. so he took the whole bunch, said it to me and handed it to me and then i handed them out to the boys. so in a way i got one. But thats ok, i have lots of flowers around the house right now from freinds from my surgery. Marge, I am glod you are enjoying family right, it is the most important thing you can do. take all the pictures you can. ANDREA, HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, MAKE PAUL COOK FOR YOU TODAY. Somehow I think beer wil make it into the recipe. Love to all on the corner. Happy Mothers Day. One more game tomorrow, I have decided to skip Monday nights game as I go back to work Monday. Well, Tom says it's time for bed. Hes so protective! Love to all, Kelly Posted by: KELLY on May 9, 2004 12:57 PMfrom IP: 68.72.9.100Hope everyone is having a great weekend so far. Monika, how are you? Hope you're feeling better. Millie, I hope you and Ellie have a wonderful trip to Connecticut. Enjoy! Michelle, my friend, you're in my thoughts. Hope you are well. Tim, hope the study is going well. Good luck! Healing thoughts to Diane, Kelly and Desiree. Kim, Vicki and Jo, hope you're all starting to feel comfortable here. I'm feeling good tonight as early tomorrow, I'm heading to one of my favourite places to be. Granted, I'll be taking twenty three hyper twelve year-olds with me, not everyone's cup of tea, but I have to say I enjoy their energy. It's amazing though how, every year, the peace and tranquility of the surroundings never fails to work its magic on them and slowly but surely, they calm down and Peter, I might sense you up there somewhere. Who knows? You came into my thoughts today anyway. I heard an ad on the radio for some kind of sponsored event that involves a group of Irish people travelling to Croatia in aid of one of the big childrens' hospitals here. They spoke of the beauty of the country and of Dubrovnik in particular. It sounds lovely. So, sending love and good wishes for the week to Paul and to everyone out there touching base with PC tonight. Take care, Hi Mary, yes I am starting to feel more settled here now. I am still trying to work out who is who and what everyone does, etc but I'm sure I will get to know all about you in time. I'm looking forward to it. I have just had a look on the recipe section and noticed there one was one on there about Kangaroo's, has anyone actually tried it? We don't get them here in the UK, well except for Skippy :)What does it taste like? Take care Hello Mary, Today (this morning) I felt dizzy again, it's very strange, not just dizzy like you feel when you get up to fast (than you start to shake and swet and you see black spots and almost faint (? spelling?) but the world and everything around me started to twist and turn. Very scary. But tomorrow I'll visit the doctor, hopefully she can tell me what's wrong with me. Goodnight and sleep well!! Monika Posted by: Monika on May 10, 2004 05:08 AMfrom IP: 81.206.125.3Yeah, Kelly! Glad to hear it and may you recover quickly! Monika, I hope you don't mind me joining in but you must get yourself checked out at the doctors if only for peace of mind. I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything will be fine, and try not to worry (I know, easier said then done). Sally (deltalady) thanks for the welcome. I've had a warm and friendly response from a lot of lovely people on here. I am just annoyed with myself that it took me such a long time to pluck up the courage to say Hi to you all. At least I've done it now. I hope you all have a great Monday Diane, I'm so happy to hear that things are going well. Continued good health, my friend! Kelly, it sounds as if you're doing well, if it weren't for those pesky foul balls! Be well. Welcome to Jo, Vicki and Kim! It's good to hear your voices here among us! Monika, I've had vertigo before that was brought on by a virus. I could still see the room spinning when I would lie down and close my eyes! Thankfully there is a medication that helps right away. Maybe that's what you've got going on? Let us know what you find out from your doctor. I hope you feel better soon! Mary, I hope your trip is wonderful. We'll miss you here on the Corner! Inn, how is Desiree? I hope things are looking up for her at this point. How are you doing? Happy Mother's Day to everyone! Especially The Mil! It can't help but be a good day, the Cubs won! Love and Light, I did go back and look at the pictures. His wife is as beautiful as he is handsome and you can tell the obvious love and affection they have for one another and the baby they are both holding. I was especially touched by the one of Paul and his Dad. They are absolutely beaming. You can tell his Dad is proud of him, but he is just as proud of his Dad. There is nothing in the world sexier than a man that loves his wife and children! I hope I haven't offended anyone by that remark, but that is just the way I feel. Monika ask the doctor to check your thyroid and blood sugar. Hypothyroid can cause that dizzy feeling in the mornings. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 10, 2004 09:26 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.248Hello everyone, I'm back from seeing the doctor, he checked my blood-pressure (which was perfect) and listend to what I had to say and asked: "Have you been very busy lately?? that's what probably causes the dizzyness". But that doesn't make me feel any better, I'm probably a little less scared, but I don't think that being busy causes dizzyness.....????? Mary, Kim, Michelle and Jo, thank you all for your kind words and advise. I'll talk to you all later, Marge, thankyou for your advice re "moving on". Mary, I love America's "Sister Golden Hair". Michelle, please do not flatter me so, or I will positively blush. Cheers to all. Monika, the doctor didn't do a good job at putting your mind at ease did he and all of that worrying and you are still none the wiser. I can't say I have heard of that before where being busy causes dizzyness, you learn something new every day! One good thing if you can call it that is you don't have to wait too long for your appointment with the neurologist. Let's hope you get yourself sorted out there. Hello, Peter-I can somewhat relate to you and your story regarding your BM. I met my father when I was 23. I didn't miss much. You know, he chose to go to jail on a few occassions rather than to pay child support. He just never grew up. I can pretty much understand your pain. Only you know what you need in order to live your life. It's good to listen to what others have to say but you make the ultimate decision. It sounds like you have a wonderful family today. Try not to let the past BM situation hinder on today's happiness. I don't know enough about your situation but it's obvious it wreaks a little havoc in your life. I would like to offer a small and short story of small worldness concerning family....I met my father when I turned 23 and got married when I was 24. Well, 4 months after I got married-my father-in-law passed away. Now, I knew that my mother-in-law had a best friend that I had never met but I knew her name as Idy. So, I stroll into the smoking room at the funeral home and here sits a lady who is a spitting image of my father. Guess what? It's my father's sister-Idy. I had never met her until that moment and she had no idea that her best friend's son was married to her brother's daughter!! Now, how's that for a laugh!! Kelly-HHEEAADDSS UUPP! Too funny! But, I'm glad that you were feeling well enough to attend the games. Inn-Sending well wish dust your way for your friend, Desiree. Diane-Let us know how you're doing. Marge-Sounds like you survived Logan's stay. But the real question is-did your house?!? Monika-So sorry to hear that you've a time of it with the "Dizzy Virus". Please, please-stay on top of this and do take care of yourself. Did your doctor check your ears for a possible ear infection? I've heard that that can sometimes cause vertigo. Let us know how you're doing. Kim-While it's cold and wet there-Spring has sprung here in Maryland. The downer-we're expecting a cicada invasion this week. So, if I had my druthers-I'd prefer to be there and not around such-yuck-creepy crawlies!! Mary-What part of Ireland-north/south? Vicki-I'm chosing the age naturally thing,too! My grandmother just asked me the other day what I planned on doing with my hair and I thought she met haircut...nope-she met color. I let Mother Nature chose the hair shade. I'm 36 and I've got more gray than my 48 year old husband. But, I guess because I'm agreeing to her color-Mother Nature decided to give my brown a lift of color with blond. I like my hair color-it's free!! And, to anyone that I may have missed-here's a big hello!!!!! HUGS! Peter, just go ahead and blush! One of the lessons I've learned along my journey is to say how I feel, so watch out! When you wrote your gut-spilling post I had to stop and wonder what might have brought on those feelings for you. Isn't it funny how life just seems to be breezing along when all of a sudden you can be hit by some revelation that causes you to remember you're STILL learning? Just when you thought you had it all figured out!;) Those revelations can be wonderfully insightful but might feel like you've been hit by a ton of bricks, depending on the memories/feelings. And you're right, the moving on is done with full knowledge that NOTHING is left behind. We can only give ourselves the gift of changing our perception. You seem to be doing that beautifully. Because of being depressed and learning through therapy, I can now appreciate the fact that there really is a method to this madness we call life. It's just not how we think it should be, or rather how our society/cultures teach us it should be. There is no end-game, it's all in the playing. Anyway...thank you for sharing that part of your life with us. You've helped me more than you know. Love to you, Thanks to everyone for your love and support. Desiree' is awake and responding. She can speak in small simple sentences and she can understand when you ask her questions. The dr's say her reflexes are still quite slow but they are coming along nicely. They may even move her this week to a hospital nearer to home. I'm so...I don't even know what, elated. Abeth, well Spring has sprung here it has just been cold, wet and miserable. It would be nice to see some sun and have some warmth. I hope you all have a great day Abeth, well Spring has sprung here it has just been cold, wet and miserable. It would be nice to see some sun and have some warmth. I hope you all have a great day Abeth My daughter & family are still here. The time is going so fast I can't believe it! They are here until May 16th. She went to church with me and we put Logan on the floor in the sanctuary and he went right down the aisleto the stage. He is not walking yet, but close. He is doing the "monkey walk" right now. Thats walking on your feet and hands. The two dogs have "left the bulding" and the cat has decided that he isn't in any peril. He walked up to Logan and touched his nose. Logan didn't know what to make of that. My cat is so laid back that you could probably dress him up in doll clothes and put him in a baby buggy. Jeff has offered to do some handiman things around the house for me. He pulled the rec room carpet up and I am going to have tile put down there and some scatter rugs. The church is asking for volunteer to open their home for the coaches of the upcoming soccer games in Aigist. As I have this 1-bedroom apartment downstairs I may have some soccer coaches staying with me. FLASH - FLASH - FLASH She knows that I have been on this site for a while and teases me about her Mom the groupy. Sending a circle of healing bright energies to everyone. Since there are so many who are hurting on PC, I am going to have to take notes, or get a secretary to keep track of all of you who need healing energy thoughts. On a sad note, my step-g=brother-in-law died last week. It was a blessing, as he had been bedridden for several years. It's been a long story. She is the kind of person that likes to be the center of everyone's universe. I am some what worried about her now that she no longer has Darrel to look after. My other step-sister and I have become very close friends and are more realistic about the situation. Whenever we get together, we usually get into mischief. But we have fun doing it. Gran Mil Some people make the world special just by being in it. Love and take care, Posted by: Marge on May 11, 2004 01:01 PMfrom IP: 205.187.139.237 Inn, How wonderful about your friend!!!!! Prayer is a wonderful thing! I am happy for you . Love to all on the corner. Kelly Posted by: KELLY on May 11, 2004 07:38 PMfrom IP: 68.72.9.100Hi everyone, I'm feeling much better today, haven't been dizzy anymore since Sundayevening. Maybe taking some time off did really help. First I wanted to go to work again today, but when I woke up this morning I thought that it maybe was the best to take it easy just one more extra day. Inn, Kim, Marge and Inn, I asked her if it was safe to write down your e-mail address underneath a post. The reason why I didn't do it (until now) is because I'm very careful with giving someone my address. And this is the WWW, so the whole world can see it.... I received some realy strange mails in the past, but Grandma said by writing down your e-mail address you can get in contact with other PC visitors and send them cards and she told me than no one at PC had ever complained about receiving strange e-mails. And because I realy like to receive and send e-mails, I'll write down my address too. It was realy great talking with Grandma Mil by mail, so if enyone likes to talk to me I'll welcome you in my mailbox... I would like to thank Mary, Kim, Michelle, Jo and Abeth for your words and advise these days. Love to everyone here at PC... Monika We get cicada's in August and September in Houston. The noise is deafening. Then you find all these bug casings on trees and plants. The only good things about them is that you know that summer is almost over and fall in on the way. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 11, 2004 08:31 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.153Kelly thanks. I just thought of this but Cat if you want to help the posters out with privacy you can put "do not index" on the html of the pages you don't want in search engines. I'm not sure if I'm clear but if you look for the name you post under in say Excite search you will get a lot of hits for posting here. To cut that down you don't have to index the Corner. That way people can find the main page of paulmercurio.net but they'd have to come here to find the blog. I think it was General Sherman (or one of those Civil War guys) that said that if he owned Hell and Texas he would live in Hell and rent out Texas. July and August and sometimes September makes me agree with him. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 11, 2004 10:49 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.153I looked it up and it was General Sherman that said that. I also found this, which I found funny since both my husband and I are native Texans, although our parents came from "foreign" states. I found this in response to Is Texas actually part of this country? "Sure, it's a large open-air loony bin next to Mexico" Basically, it comes down to the Texas World View v. the Real World and it seems the Texans now figure the latter has got to go. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 11, 2004 11:11 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.153I want to see my boy-friend, who is in the UK, I want to go on vacation, I managed to run half a marathon, now I want to do a marathon, I want to learn for my job, I want to see my friends, I want to get along better with my mom, I want to read and relax, I want my appartment to clean itself, so I have more time to concentrate on other things, I want to go out in the sun, but am still in the office, uurhggg. I am writing a book, together with a friend, we had this great idea and thought, ok let`s write a book and get successful, you know, something like the "Harry Potter Story of success", I made a course in making jewelery out of massive silver, now I want to join another course,...mmmhh I guess I don`t want to make beer though, I`d rather drink one as soon as I get out of here. That`s worth a smile, hey?? PS: But Paul, the only thing that really annoys me, ist that my appartment will never clean itself...damn!
My brain is working overtime today. Paul, have you thought about a resturant in Houston, Texas. If you could stand the heat, the people and traffic you would be a millionaire in a year or less. People would flock to the resturant in masses. A real Australian resturant, not the Outback, would bring in so much business you would probably have francises (not sure of that spelling) all over the place. If you were to decide that then I am putting in my application as a cook right this minute (I could cook the brisket). We have direct flights from Bush Intercontinental to Australia too, by the way, so you could go home whenever you wanted to. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 11, 2004 11:47 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.139Here I go posting yet AGAIN. I am as nervous as I can be today. My husband, who had a heart attack just five weeks ago, is going for an echogram and a stress test this afternoon to check for damage to his heart. I am terrified he is going to have another heart attack. I took one of those stress test a few years ago and I don't know how in the world they can give one to someone who just had a heart attack! Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 12, 2004 01:11 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.198Monika, I used to live in Kent which is very near to London. Quite a few people mistake me as being a cockney as I sound very much like a Londoner (common)! Do any of you get a programme called "Only Fools & Horses", well I sound like Del Boy but not with a deep voice! Some would say that I am a plonker! Hi everyone, Yes, me again...can't get enough of reading and writing on PC....hahaha..... to much spare time I guess.......feels goooood... Jo, Kelly, Paul, Does anybody know where Hanh is??? Hahn, Evelyn,
Hello to everyone else: Love to all of you Monika Jo (Texas) How did your hubby get on this afternoon? I know it must be very worrying for you as you know that I have the same concerns about my dad. Wish him well from me and don't forget to look after yourself too. Monika, Kim, Paul, Hello Kim, We posted at almost the same time.... As I told, we (my 2 neighbours and my neigbours sister) went to London last year for one day. We left at 7.30 in the morning from airport Munster (Germany) and we arrived at airport Stansted at 7.30 in the morning. Funny.. Unforunatly we had to traffel by train for 45 minutes to Liverpool station (we almost spend more time in the train than in the plain. So arround 9.00 o'clock we where in London city. Monika Paul, So many comments so little time. Sounds as though everyone is doing fairly well. Well I passed the entrance exam. I'm signed up for the first semester starting July 5, the day before my birthday. I'm taking introductory finance and introductory accounting (graduate level). Should be a total blast (not!) Anyway...group hug to everyone. Postive energy here to those that need it. peace and love The Timmer Posted by: on May 12, 2004 02:48 AMfrom IP: 67.35.32.170Jo (Texas) Oh I keep forgetting about the time differences between us all at the moment it is 8.35pm here. paul: The stress test did not come off at all. We had one of our spring monsoon rains - lightening, wind, rain. The electricity all over this part of town went out. I almost got stuck in the elevator. After two hours of sitting and waiting for the electricity to come on they sent everybody home. Got home to find a tree laying across the street. Thanks Kim. I may take you up on that. Timmer, graduate school is the least amount of fun you will ever have, but it is worth it. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 12, 2004 08:09 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.134Jo (In Texas) Where is Uvalde? Is Longview in Texas as well. We have a Longview Washingtonl I too am a heart patient. Although I am very lucky that I did not have a heart attack, I would have if I hadn't had quadruple by-pass surgery in '96. I do the stress tests every year. Sometimes it's on the tread mill with all the hickey cups and wires stuck everywhere. I have also had the stress test where they inject you with something that tells your body you are exercising also with all the electrodes attached. I am sending special circle of positive healing light to you and your husband. Timmer Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't. Take care & love to all
Posted by: Marge on May 12, 2004 11:47 AMfrom IP: 199.182.67.20 That was supposed to say Marge. Paul Love Marge Posted by: Marge on May 12, 2004 11:53 AMfrom IP: 199.182.67.20Paul Take a walk through very old cemeteries and read the inscriptions on the gravestones. Some of the epitaphs are very sad, and some of them are very funny. You'd be surprised to find out how much history you can learn from this. My Grandmother used to take me to a couple of them within walking distance of her home. It was very educational. The founding fathers and pioneers of Seattle are buried in one of them. Abeth, that story about your father's sister does not surprise me. I'm sure that there is some cosmic fabric linking these "chance" meetings. I also came face to face with my BM twice. On one occassion she started a short conversation with me. I didn't have a clue who she was, but she knew exactly who I was. Cheers to all and welcome to the newcomers. Peter Posted by: Peter on May 12, 2004 01:54 PMfrom IP: 203.41.31.66Hello everyone, Felt a little dizzy again last night and suddenly I was so extremely tired, went to bed and I've been a sleep for almost 14 hours!! (is that normal???). When I woke up I put on the TV, but what I saw, made me want to wish I was back asleep again... CNN showed a tape of a young American being murdered by 5 or 6 Iraqi's. They cut his head off....that is really so sick.... Whats going on in this world???
Marge,
Love to all at the corner Kelly Posted by: KELLY on May 12, 2004 07:33 PMfrom IP: 68.72.9.100Dear Paul, Dear Monika, I'm here, everyone, old Mil and E.C. made it to We flew from Miami to Newark, N.J. and were driven up to Connecticut. We're now in the Hilton Garden Inn, in Norwalk. I was in the workout room at 6:00 a.m. this morning, and the "youngsters" were running and panting on the treadmills, but Grannie quietly took her place on the recumbant bike...I think I shocked everyone! The Inn has a business room, from which I am typing this letter, no charge to us. The Bat Mitzvah for our granddaughter starts Friday night, and the religious services are Saturday morning, followed by a dinner and dance. We will have a chance to see relatives and friends We'll be leaving for home on Tuesday morning. In the meantime, those of you that are recovering, (Kelly and Diane) loving thoughts of you in particular, and the rest of my chickies, be well! At 33,000 ft. I was thinking of Paul and you all, for "You are always in my heart, even though you're far away..." The Mil Posted by: GRANDMA MIL on May 12, 2004 08:32 PMfrom IP: 67.86.36.56Marge, Yesterday they had already put the IV in my husbands arm and he was ready to go on the treadmill when the electricity went out. So it was the thalium test he was getting. You are right about the cemeteries. There is an old cemetery in Galveston that I go to every time we go down there. A lot of people from the 1900 hurricane are buried there, but there are people from ship wrecks, etc. much further back. They speak to you as much as the living. Another thing that I like to do is read living histories on the net. I have found a site that recorded stories of slaves still living at the turn of the last century. They are stories that you will never hear in any history class. Most of the people were adult slaves at the time of slavery, which puts them in their 80' and 90's. Paul you haven't posted anything since May 2. I hope you are just thinking and you are not depressed. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 12, 2004 08:47 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.161Kelly - "Marage" - I kinda like that..."mirage". I think it;s gonna stick. Inn - The Post at Hand : Dreams and aspirations are there for a reason--not to keep us reaching further and higher, but for figuring out how to work the BALANCE into our waking hours and dreaming hours, for finding the PEACE in knowing we did the best we could that day. Having a plan for tomorrow is the PERFECT way to invite chaos and the opportunity to see how well you do The Balancing Act when Life throws those "Oh crap, this customer won't shut up and I have to get gas, drive home, and get the kids off the bus!" moments where you learn to choose your Life Lessons and Most Important Things and put them first, and into action. (...she says, cutting off the customer with "Clint, that's sounding like a really good plan, but I'll have to call you back in an hour, from home, as I've a bus to meet in 50 minutes. Will you be available?" GODz, it taken me AGES (seriously, since I've had kids) to get the balls to do that. Make your EVERY decision about how you spend your time wisely. Stop trying to live everyone else's bliss and start living your own. Adios, Dhiana, As for signals and signs, I have no idea if someone is sending me those! I just keep plugging away day by day and what happens, happens. Kel :) Posted by: Kelly on May 12, 2004 11:30 PMfrom IP: 161.150.2.25Monika: I, too, am appalled at the videotaped beheading of an innocent in Iraq - as I am appalled at the treatment by American soldiers of Iraqi prisoners of war - as I am by the war itself. I don't comprehend the total lack of humanity required to command, preside over, commit or glory in the violence that people perpetrate against one another. It is a sad and tragic time. Vicki Posted by: Vicki on May 12, 2004 11:30 PMfrom IP: 209.203.66.2Jo (Texas) Does your husband been given another appointment for the stress test? It sounds like you have also had some awful weather. How is everyone else on PC today, I hope you are all keeping well. I have the gas man here at the moment. I've been without heating and hot water for 5 days so to be warm, snug and cosy again is something I am looking forward to. I also saw those terrible pictures in our newspaper this morning. It sickens me to think they can print them, they never think of the family and friends that have been left behind. Do they think they need to be constantly reminded. Take care everyone Paul where are you, you haven't been on here for a while Posted by: Kim (UK) on May 13, 2004 02:27 AMfrom IP: 81.131.184.149Hello, I finally made it reading through all the posts. Wow! Lots of good stuff! Kelly, Diane, Monika, Jo’s husband and Desiree, I wish continued good healing and recovery to you all. Kelly, I’m so glad it’s not cancer; Diane, I’m so glad the surgery went well for you and I sincerely hope that they got all the cancer; Monika stress can cause dizziness, I’ve had problems with that combined with an underlying hypoglycemia (blood sugar is too low, crashes suddenly and if you’re lucky it only causes dizziness and makes you very tired making you want to sleep for hours, or you completely faint and pass out), make sure you eat enough and have them check your blood and blood sugar levels, they should have done that when you were at the doctor’s on Monday!!!: Jo I’m thinking of you and your husband as well and hope that his recovery will go well; Inn and Desiree, you are in my thoughts as well and I’m glad about all the progress she has already made in her recovery. Inn, don’t forget to take care of yourself as well!!! Much love and healing to all of you. Jo, Kim, Vicki, Nic, Garnet and anyone else who is new here, Welcome!!! Kim where in Yorkshire are you? The UK is one of three places I call home. Used to date someone way back in the late 80s from around Leeds. I agree with the different pace of life between Southern and Northern England. London is cool, but I think I'd prefer to live in northern parts of England, if I had a choice. Abeth, I’m from Southern Germany and teach German foreign language classes at the university level and am hoping to be able to do the literature, culture, history-type classes as well, although I always work as much of that into the language classes as well. Best wishes to you and your husband on getting pregnant and once you succeeded a complication-free and good pregnancy. Monika, I am busy, although things will radically slow down come Friday at the latest, i.e. end of term, no job for three months, time to do some of the things I want to do and need to do. Since Friday I’ve been thinking about how to make an impossible decision and I really don’t know how to nor do I want to make that decision. How do you choose between your emotional sanity and well-being and your career? And why do I have to make that choice? I want both!!! Yes, my evil boss is behind that and she’s upped the intensity level of her harassment in the last 6 weeks. Friday I got a really nasty email from her, showed that to some co-workers and their chins dropped at the acidity in her comments and uncalled for and unjustified criticism of me, my teaching and my interactions with students. She’s sounding like a broken record, never has anything good to say, and it doesn’t matter what I do. Spent the weekend blocking out the negative comments that she threw at me “You are a bad teacher. You aren’t good enough. You don’t meet our expectations. You think you have good rapport with the students, but you do not. You must fix this or else you will never get a permanent teaching career. You must improve your teaching!” etc. Well, if I’m that bad, why would she want to rehire me for next year??? Ah, forgot she’s desperate, as 4 or 5 people are leaving the department. So I seemingly have a job for fall term, she gave me the worst possible assignment to make me even more miserable, but I don’t have the contract or the visa employment authorization forms yet, but I don’t know if I want it or if I’m going to take the job. Am I better off moving back to Europe without a job, not knowing what kind of a job I’ll get (if any), will it look good on my C.V. to have a gap in my career (most likely not), what the heck am I supposed to do? I guess I’m going to wait some more, as I have other applications out there. If I get a job elsewhere, I’m out of here, no matter how hard it will be to leave my friends behind, but I will be better off. One place seems to be interested as they emailed me yesterday to inquire if I’m still interested and if they can contact the references. Don’t have the interview yet, but I’m going to hope! Should get ready, as I have to go in for a meeting with my evil boss and let her beat up on me in person now instead of just email. I don’t want to go, but I have no choice. Once I’m done with this damn meeting, I’m going to exercise and work of the tension and frustration and then I have to give the last final and of course correct it and make up final grades. Okay, tired of venting! I will get through this and once it’s behind me, a) I’ll be glad it’s behind me, b) I’ll find something positive in it, c) probably be somewhat stronger, hopefully more sure of what I want. Anyhow … at some point I’m going to laugh about all of this, perhaps I should try this now. Mary, I hope you have a great time with your 13 year olds and that you will find the quiet that you anticipated. Hard to imagine, but enjoy it. I might join you out there as well. It sounds fantastic and a great place to regroup. Peter, I think you are more in touch with your emotions than you seem to think yourself. I wish you great joy and peace as you work through another layer of yourself and the hurt inflicted by your BM. Your strong spirit amazes me. I kind of can relate to your hesitations towards visiting your birthplace. It seems like a big step, but you will know when the time is right for you to go there. Paul, thank you for the surfing description. It was as always amazingly beautiful. Hope you are enjoying life and that more opportunities have come your way. Tim, good luck with grad school. It can be a real bitch (I speak from a few years too many experience) but it is worth it in the long run and don’t forget to make it fun and enjoyable for yourself. Grandma, glad you got up North safely. Have a great time and please dance for me at the celebrations! (okay, at least in spirit if your knee is too sore to do that). Love to everyone, Evelyn Posted by: Evelyn on May 13, 2004 02:39 AMfrom IP: 128.101.248.234Peace and love and healing wishes to all who need that energy today. latte luv, ps Hi Inn Posted by: Katalina on May 13, 2004 02:48 AMfrom IP: 128.95.140.163Dhiana, two big air kisses (kiss, kiss) to your gorgeous self from me! It's good to see you around here again! And hey, you've always had balls even if you didn't KNOW you had balls!:) Didn't they say that in The Wizard of Oz? Evelyn, that boss from hell sounds like a real trip. I hope you can move on and be well rid of her soon! Maybe it's just me, but I think she's jealous of you. I'm pressing my thumbs (see, I remembered!) that you get a new job for the coming year. Hi Katalina! I'm glad to see your name and words again! I miss reading your posts. To Diane, Kelly, Desiree, Monika and Jo's husband: I send you loving, healing light. Be well. Mil, I hope your time with family and friends is enjoyable and memorable. I'm imagining a scene where everyone encircles you like moths to a flame, lovely lady that you are! Peter, have you seen Mary this week? I know she's walking around Donegal talking to every rabbit she meets hoping to hear an Aussie accent come out of their little mouth.;) As to the world situation right now, all we can do is BE the change we wish to see in others. I can't let myself dwell on the horror of it all. I won't let it change who I am. The one thing I can do is vote, and by God I'll be doing that with glee! Peace to all of you, A 60's saying, but still a good one. "Let there be peace on earth. Let it begin with me." Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 13, 2004 04:17 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.149I almost forgot...Tim! Congratulations on getting into Grad school! My only concern is that your class schedule might keep you from FIF. I hope not! I'm counting on meeting you there! Love to you, Katalina YAAAAAYYY!!!! Missed you sweetie! Welcome all the newbies!!!! Jo - from texas, I am awaiting a BBqued Beef Briskett recipe from you! Cos you guys know how to BBq!! Inn I will belatedly send out my prayers and thoughts for your friend Desiree! Kelly good news for you! Diane, glad to hear you are through the op and on the way to recovery. I hope all the canser is out and you can get on with the joys of the days ahead. I did one day of filming this week! It is a sad irony that I love to do it and am grateful for it but one day filming is like giving a starving man a crumb of cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glad to know I still got it and got it well. Did a good job but now am home awaiting.... Supposed to shoot one day next week but they cancelled it (: Thinking of you all. New post coming! Paul Posted by: Paul on May 13, 2004 07:58 AMfrom IP: 210.49.171.131Hi Paul, it is good to hear from you and know you are still out there safe and well. Sorry to hear you are not getting much work at the moment and to cancel your one day next week, what a bummer! I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you that more work will come your way very soon, I'm sure it will. Evelyn - I live in a place called Maltby near to Rotherham. It's about an hours drive if that from Leeds. I wouldn't go back down south, not now too many bad memories and I do like it in Yorkshire it just took a bit of getting used to at first. Inn - If you find the time Kent is worth a visit, there is plenty to see but it is expensive. Where about's in Kent do your friends live? Goodnight everyone Paul, Here are two of my favorites. I didn't know if you wanted smoking, grilling or cooking in the oven. I have recipes for all so let me know. Two very good recipes to try for Brisket. Both use beer in the mop. I like Newcastle Brown Ale for the mop, but I guess any dark beer would do. Can you get Mesquite chips? Here it is a scrubby little tree that grows in West Texas - good for nothing except smoking meat. You will think you died and went to heaven when you eat meat smoked over Mesquite chips.
Dry Rub: Mop: Dry Rub: Mix first 5 ingredients in small bowl to blend. Transfer 1 tablespoon dry rub to another small bowl and reserve for mop. Spread remaining dry rub all over brisket. Cover with plastic; chill overnight. Smoked BBQ Brisket 1/2 cup Ancho chili powder (that's a brand name and you may not have this in Australia. It is a milder chili powder) Mix together the spices in a small bowl. Rub the entire brisket with the spice mixture, place on a baking sheet, cover and let stand in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour or up to 6 hours. Prepare the smoker according to manufacturer's directions. Place the brisket in the smoker, fat side up and smoke for 4 to 5 hours or until extremely tender. Baste with the mop every 30 minutes. Dark Beer Mop: Place all ingredients in a medium saucepan, season with salt and pepper and cook over medium heat for 15 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool slightly. If you open a resturant in Houston I will cook for you for free. Now you can't beat that for an offer!
Paul, You can leave out the chile peppers if they are too hot for you. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 13, 2004 09:08 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.182Ah! see you Texans know your BBQ! Thanks for the recipes! I usually BBQ and smoke my briskett for about 12 hours using mesquite or hickery wood. I wouyld like to hear your smoked recipe. Under my briskett post someone told me they cook theirs in an oven and finish in a weber for an hour or two of smoke. That is what I did last time as I can get an even heat in the oven over night and then two hours of smoke in the weber in the morning - beautiful!!! AND I would never leave the chillies out - are you crazy??? I am - for chillie! Posted by: Paul on May 13, 2004 10:57 AMfrom IP: 210.49.171.131Here are two more recipes from my own recipe file. My husband works with a guy at NASA that has a BBQ business on the side and he is going to try to get a real profession recipe for you. Texas Smoked Barbecue Brisket 1 beef brisket (10-12 lbs.) Combine salt, sugar, brown sugar, cumin, chili powder, black pepper, cayenne pepper and paprika and mix well. Rub brisket thoroughly with this mixture and put it aside. Build fire in one half of a large grill. Use Mesquite chips if possible. When the fire is ready, place brisket on the grill, making sure that it is not above any part of the fire. Close the grill cover and open vent about ½ inch. Feeding the fire periodically, cook for 8 to 10 hours or until the internal temperature is 165 to 170 degree F and the meat is very, very tender. The exterior of the meat should be very black. Remove from the fire, trim off excess fat and carve against the grain into very thin slices.
Smoking takes about one hour per pound. Rub: Rinse the brisket and then dry. Rub it on both sides with the rub mixture. Place in frig in a clean closed container over night. Prior to the firing fill the water pan to the top. Next day when the smoker is at 200 degrees add 4 water logged Mesquite chips to the charcoal pan. Throw them on top of the hot charcoals. I meant a "real professional recipe". I don't think to well in the mornings! Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 13, 2004 09:20 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.195Well, the guy says he doesn't actually have a recipe because he has been cooking it so long. He did give him a web site to look up, which if you can access it, you will enjoy. Here is the address: http://users.adelphia.net/~egbert/brisket.html Just in case you can't here is what it says about brisket. There are pictures on it, but they didn't show up. BRISKET Because the brisket is cut from a load-bearing portion of the steer, right next to the foreleg, this cut has a much higher concentration of the connective tissue protein collagen than is found in a less active section of the steer. The collagen is what makes the meat tough, but if it is cooked long enough, the connective tissue will break down into gelatin, causing the meat to become tender. Collagen begins to convert to gelatin at about 150 degrees. As the internal temperature increases beyond 150 degrees and even though the collagen is being converted to gelatin, moisture is being driven out of the brisket. As the brisket gets drier it actually starts to toughen again even though the collagen is being converted. This is true as the internal temperature rises to near 200 degrees. But at approximately 210 degrees a dramatic reversal occurs. The brisket becomes remarkably (fork) tender and the rapid increase in the gelatinization of the collagen at this temperature outpaces the loss of moister thus producing a texturally pleasing brisket. An ideal situation. A full, untrimmed beef brisket can weigh as much as 14 pounds, of which about 10 percent is surface fat. During the cooking process the brisket will lose up to 35% of its weight and will shrink in size.
Apply your favorite rub prior to putting the brisket on the BBQ. Cook the brisket for about 14 hours. BBQ the brisket with the fat side up. Adjust the BBQ for a grill level temperature of 225 degrees. Apply heat and smoke (Hickory, Oak, Mesquite, etc.) for the first 3 to 5 hours of cooking; apply only heat beyond that. Too much smoke can impart a bitter taste. When the internal temperature reaches 205 to 210 degrees remove the brisket from the cooker and let rest for a half-hour so. Slice the brisket across the grain. The brisket should be fork tender and quite moist. NOTE: Generally the temperature gages on a smoker do not measure the grill level temperature and can vary widely from that at the grill level. The smoker temperature gages can be calibrated by placing an oven thermometer on the grill and noting the difference in the readings. (This test should be done while burning charcoal since wood smoke will cause the oven thermometer cloud over to the point the thermometer can not be read.) An alternative is to use a Volt-Ohmmeter that can electronically measure temperature. The BK VOM model 2706 is one such device. Podler also makes a very nice electronic thermometer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Buy a Choice, un-trimed Brisket. SOME RESULTS Before Cooking After Cooking -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looks like charred, shriveled shoe leather - but that is how it should look! It will be fork tender and juicy!
Okay, my husband talked it out of him finally!! Here is a professional recipe served in a Houston BBQ "shack". Some of the basics in preparing a good brisket is the wood you use to smoke the brisket, the temperature and the patience to let the brisket cook the full time required: 1) Wood - 4 Hickory to 1 Mesquite, 2) Temperature - 225 degrees. 3) Time - Takes about 1 1/2 hours per pound and the internal temperature of the thickest part of the brisket should be between 190 - 210 degrees when done. Hi, here is one of the newbies again. Thank you for your welcomes, Evelyn, Paul. To all the others, I like the way you all give your support, positive energy, understanding, and so on to each other. I guess, I will have a look in Pauls Corner more often than I thought I would. Good Night, Good Morning, Good Afternoon, wherever you are! Posted by: Nic on May 13, 2004 10:03 PMfrom IP: 213.160.22.50Paul, The above post is from me. Sorry I forgot to put my name on it. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 13, 2004 11:33 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.214I don't know a darn thing about cooking, Paul and Jo, but if you need a taste-tester, I'm there! Best to everyone! Vicki Posted by: Vicki on May 14, 2004 05:02 AMfrom IP: 209.203.66.2Paul, Nic, Hello and love to everyone.
Paul, I read in Entertainment Weekly that on
Dear Jo(Texas) Jean, Paul, Well, after going through my recipes and talking about brisket, when my husband got home from work last night I told him that if I didn't get some brisket I was going to eat him. So, in spite of the fact that the area was flooding and we were having yet another monsoon rain, we went out to get brisket. (When you got to have it - you got to have it!) Is anyone else out there a motorcycle fan? I only ride on the back, but it is a feeling of freedom beyond compare. My husband started riding them at age 35 to work. He would have started sooner, but 1. his mother wouldn't let him as a teenager and 2. after we got married we couldn't afford one until age 35. Now he rides everywhere. Our weather, for the most part, allows him to ride most of the time. Only in the spring when our rains are bad does it stop him. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 14, 2004 10:36 PMfrom IP: 64.243.68.203Hi Monika, thanks for you welcome. I am from Schwarzwald (black forest) area, so your wild guess was good, as it was the first you mentioned. Where are you from in Holland? I know a few people over there as I did work for a company called Eurocamp a few years ago, I am sure some of the people from UK know Eurocamp! But I have never seen them since. It`s still quite a way from down South here up to Holland, just to go for a week end or so...Do you know anyone in the black forest as you know the german word for it? Have a very nice weekend, actually nice weekend to everybody of course...yipeehh, I think first thing I have to do is sleep a few hours, I am soo tired from work this week. See ya soon Nic Posted by: Nic on May 14, 2004 11:11 PMfrom IP: 213.160.22.50mmm mmm brisket for supper tonight! Well, maybe tomorrow, tonight we are going to see our AAA Baseball team play the Durham Bulls. Go Barons! Hello everyone, Jo, We first had two Honda Shadow's (VT 700, American models) than we had a Honda Shadow VT 1100 and now we have a Yamaha YZF R6 (a very fast, beautiful, bleu racing-monster). Must go now, haven't had dinner yet. Love everyone, Monika Posted by: Monika on May 15, 2004 12:09 AMfrom IP: 81.206.125.3Monica, Monika sorry I didn't spell your name right. Posted by: Jo(In Texas) on May 15, 2004 12:31 AMfrom IP: 64.243.68.254Jo (Texas) I will e-mail you later this evening but I had to let you know that I'm a huge fan of anything to do with bikes, the bigger the better. I'm always watching the grand prix bikes especially Valentino Rossi he always makes it look so easy, but there are talks going on about him going over to Formula 1. I don't have a bike myself but if I win the lottery then I would be spoilt for choice. I also like motor sports anything fast and I'm happy. Jo, What kind of motorcycle is a Yamaha Route 66, I know a lot of motocycles, but that one doesn't sound familiar to me. Nic,
Hi everyone! So many posts to catch up on! Monika, how are you doing? Hope the dizziness is improving. I've come across many things that can cause dizziness, none of which are sinister - vertigo, inner ear infection, viruses and yes, stress. I agree with Inn when she said that it can play havoc with your body. If you tend to have fear lurking in the background somewhere, you can be stressed without even being conscious of it. You're too busy thinking about whatever it is you fear! I have had many struggles with fear. I believe it is one of my lessons in this lifetime to try and overcome it. I have learnt over time that facing it, acknowledging it and naming it diminishes it. When you name it, you can say to yourself - okay, if the worst comes to the worst and this does happen, I'll do this, this and this. I then do my very best to let it go and get on with my life. It's the 'unknown' element that I have discovered freaks me out. Fear is like a shadow on a wall. Its appearance can be deceptive. Remember how you found your way here. I don't believe any of us found our way here by chance. This is a challenge you're facing at the moment, but it will pass. In the meantime, you have a great source of strength here to help you deal with it. I have relied on it many times since coming here myself. Hi Michelle!! How are things with you? I agree. There is a method to this madness. we're just too close to it to see the pattern. BTW, 'Destiny of Souls' is continuing to be a very meaningful experience for me. I read it a lot when I was away. Love to you. Peter, yes I love 'Sister Golden Hair' too. Some of America's songs make me feel so free. I see wide open highways when I hear them (we don't have them here, but I see them!) Re: your journey 'home' - It's funny, but I think I would see the right place for visiting the beginning as waiting at the end of the journey for you. That may not make sense, but it's something to do with a circle closing. It would signify a completion of this particular pathway in your life. Maybe your spirit knows that it's not time yet and so you feel nervous. I think you'll know when. Hi Abeth. I live in the south of Ireland, near Dublin. That's an amazing story about your father's sister. I don't think things like this (or Peter's story) have anything to do with coincidence. There's some unifying purpose. Inn, delighted to hear that Desiree is doing well. Hope she continues to improve. Best wishes to her. Jo, it's difficult when you build yourself up to something like that and then it doesn't happen. I'll keep your husband in my prayers. Tim, congratulations!! This sounds like a really good move. I wish you the best of luck. Kelly & Diane, sending you both the best of healing thoughts and energy for continued recovery. Millie, I'm home before you! It must be lovely to be surrounded by your family. Enjoy! Enjoy! Dhiana & Katalina, good to hear from you both. Evelyn, I've been wondering how you were. This woman certainly seems to be giving you a crash course in sticking to your self-belief. Don't let her wear you down! Re: the job - maybe the best thing to do at the moment is to try and just be still in the midst of all the confusion about what to do (easier said than done, I know). Maybe that will help you to find your bearings. It may also allow events to flow the best way possible and if you're a little detaached from the centre of the activity, you may be able to see the right pathway clearer. I wish you insight and clarity of thought for this challenge. And yes, believe it or not, I did get a lot of time to myself on my trip! The course was run by other teachers and all I had to do was stay in the background and keep an eye on the children. They had a wonderful time! When I was away I spent some time on a beach I found a few years ago. I had the most clear experience of living in the moment I've ever had. For what seemed like ages, I let go of thought and just FELT - the smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls, the sea breeze on my face...It was incredible. It's one of the focal places I have found where I can do this. Usually, my thoughts are always to the front of my experience. Very wearisome at times. Welcome to Nic and garnet! Paul, great to hear you had contact with what you love to do. Wishing you a lot more of the same and many other happy experiences Sending lots of love out into the universe to you all tonight. Take care, Monika, Kim, Mary, Can you read my minds?????? I still am so extremely scared of having another stroke again. I thought I was getting over it a little, by thinking "a life lived in fear is a life half lived" but it's not that easy...I didn't talk about it with anybody, not even my parents, not even my boyfriend, with nobody, nobody knew I am so scared. Now that I finally admitted that I have a PROBLEM, I can work on it. I talked with my mother on the phone yesterday for almost 2,5 hours and told her everything too. It is such a relief that I finally can talk about it. My mother and my colleagues advised me that maybe it's good to talk about it with people who also had a stroke (fortunatly I had a little one, they call it TIA (Transiënt Ischemic Attack). May 27 I have to see my neurologist again, maybe I can ask him about it. Or maybe it's the best that I talk about it with a professional. I thank my colleague for pulling those words out of me, it's such a relief that I don't have to take this by myself anymore. I had to deal with this alone much to long and it's destroying me. Mary, I also want to thank you for saying those words, otherwise I probably would never have written this post. It really helps talking about it. It caused me so many tears and probably many more will come, but I'm sure it's worth it...... Monika Monika, well done for talking about your fears admitting to yourself that you are still scared is a big step towards the healing process. You know that every one is always here for you and that goes for every one else that needs a shoulder to lean on, so please never feel you are on your own. Jo (Texas) I'm a huge fan of bikes. I'm hoping that one day I will own one but until then I will have to dream about them. You never know maybe this one will come true! Monika, by sharing your fear, you have immediately halved its power over you. You have exposed it to the light. You poor thing, carrying this burden on your own. It must have been a terrible strain. No wonder you've been having dizzy spells! I remember once carrying a burden in this way. The person I eventually spoke to (who went on to become a very close friend), told me my first mistake was thinking I had to go it alone. She was so right. I believe each of us is individual when it comes to carrying out whatever lessons/challenges we have to face in this life. But I also believe that we are communal beings who have a responsibility to look out for each other as we journey and give/accept a helping hand when it is needed. Yesterday, you experienced the benefits that go with that. It is perfectly understandable for you to be afraid. You have had to deal with something that most people of your age have had no experience of. So they can't share the feeling. When my first child was very young, he became critically ill on and off for about six months. One of the most difficult things for me as a young first-time mother was the fact that no-one else I knew had experienced something similar. Their concerns were the normal concerns for a newborn - sleep, feeds and so on. I felt like I had gone off on some bizarre tangent with my experience of motherhood where the concerns were to do with whether he was still able to breathe. It was not the 'normal' experience. Neither is yours. one of the things that helped me a lot was talking to people who did experience something similar to what I was going though. Maybe there is a group somewhere of people who have gone through something similar to you? Having someone understand your fear would also help you deal with it, I think. You were very brave to open up in the way you did. In doing so, you enabled those who love and care for you to reach out and feel they are helping you. This is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to speak about something that is affecting you that deeply. Sometimes, when we appear to be at our weakest, we are actually at our strongest. Monika, I hope that this is the end of one path for you and the beginning of a new one. May 27th is not far away and my guess is that you've already taken steps to make things better by what you've done. You'll be in my thoughts. Love to you, NOTE: Comments are moderated. 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