Paul's Corner

Paul,

Funny you talk about reflecting on your journey and how much time you fear you may have wasted. I can relate. I just feel like the universe has swallowed me whole and I can't breathe anymore and every second of every day is wasted. I try to grasp for air every second but to no avail, I fall again. I can't get it. I don't understand. I used to be able to juggle everything in my head. My extreamely stressful job, my illness, my kids, my husband and the never ending sports. Now I feel like I can't tie my shoelaces correctly anymore. I have no organization. I have been to 9 different specialts in the last 9 months and they all keep telling me the guy before them doesn't know what they are talking about. They say i have too much stress in my life. Who doesn't? I don't think any of them know what they are talking about. I give up. Whatever I have will either kill my body or kill my spirit, if it hasn't already. I think I would prefer it to kill the body. I just can't trust in anything anymore. let alone the universe. I gave up on seeing the good in everything cause there just isn;t much good out there for me right now. I can't even get excited about Clay's first high school football game tommorrow. I am not even going to take my camera. That's just not right. Not for me. You talked about inversting in the end result. Thats all I really want to invest in right now. The end result, whatever that may be. The end to this stupid merry go round I am on, the end of my constant sickness, the end of my feeling really bad. No, I don't want to die or anything, I love my kids too much for that. For the first time in I can't think of when, I just don't love myself. Putting the goal out there in the universe may have worked for you, but I guess I have to find one again in order to do it myself. I know , I know, I'm being a baby and feeling sorry for myself, but I really don't care. That's just how I feel. Your post touched a nerve in me and I had to let it out. Lord knows I can't bitch to anyone but you guys. Thanks for being there, as always.

It's nice to see you back, Paul. We missed you.

hello to everybody. I'll try to check back soon. Hope everybody is fine in pc land.

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

When nobody agrees, find out all you can for yourself. Doctors are great, but they are human. They can't know everything (even though some of them think they do!). Try to find peace by using all of your resources, friends, family, us at PC, and find out all you can about what is happening to you (even if some of the doctor's don't agree!) With every person being different, the courses of disease will be different. Sometimes you will have one problem that has been linked to your condition but not another one. Take what you need from the information. Only you can be the expert on what is happening to you. One step at a time, that is the best that any of us can do.

Sometimes I feel that I need to close my eyes, lean against the wind, and keep walking. When the wind starts to seem to lessen, my eyes open and the world is new again.

Waxing very philosophical today, have been bluesy and yearning for the mountains.

Love to all,
Beth Ellen

Kelly, it's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed after all you've had to deal with over the last while. All any of us can do when we are faced with a challenge is do our best to rise to it and make as much of a learning experience out of it as we can. But in my opinion, you have gone way beyond that. Your strength and resilience and positive outlook in the face of your illness have never failed to amaze me. And your commitment to and joy in your family while coping with this illness has always come shining clearly through. I know you are feeling besieged at the moment, but I've no doubt that all these things will carry you through the way you are feeling now and on out to the other side. In the meantime, be good to yourself and maybe don't fight how you're feeling. I think there is a certain rhythm that is necessary for trying to persevere with something. Every so often, even the strongest person runs out of steam and has to rest and refuel. At times like these in my own life when I knew I had to be strong and didn't feel it, I found that just acknowledging how I was feeling in my journal or with a friend, kept me going on many occasions. I only learnt this after trying to take the other route of keeping my head down no matter what. Kelly, I hope that things will start to clear for you very soon and that the frustration with your illness will be sorted out in some way. I wish you the best. Take care and love to you.

Paul, it's good to have you back.

Maybe awareness of the immediate path on your journey is all the looking to the end result that is needed? I find that my idea of the end result has shifted and changed over time after experiences lived through and lessons learnt. (On the other hand, maybe it was me who was changing). Perhaps it is simply another step on the journey and like all the others, just the natural conclusion to the steps taken up until the one just before it.

At this stage I feel that what's important is the direction you are travelling in. And the great thing about that is that there is always the chance to change direction in mid-course if you find you are going astray.

Love to all,
Mary

Hello Paul,
Nice to see you back, too. Being away gives one the opportunity to explore and think about our journey once in a while. It seems that in being alone, we come to realise things about ourselves that we've pushed to the back of our minds as important or unimportant. It's good to clear the cobwebs out once in awhile and rearrange our priorities. Glad to see you have found your peace with the universe for this part of your journey.

Kelly,
I have no words of wisdom to give that would make you feel better, but I am thinking of you. I was "Supermom" to my family, too. I worked a full time job, took care of the kids, house, husband, pets and anything else that came along. I gave my all to anyone who asked and in my misplaced notion of trying to save the world, I couldn't save myself. It took a long time and a number of life-changing events for me to re-evaluate where I was and where I wanted to be. I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it. I hope you find the strength and love you need to help you along in your journey.

Mary,
Nice to hear from you. I always enjoy your posts.

Hello out to all who stop by here including Peter, (where are you?), Mil, Inn, Cat and Kat, Michelle, Nertha, Astrid, Beth Ellen, Kim, Abeth, Jo, and all the newbies and oldbies.

Be well

It's so often the case that we just don't get to choose, predict, or control what happens in life. But there's always something to learn from it, and we can decide how we will respond. Kelly- you still have so much love for your family and a true strength to keep moving every day and it's so valuable. Sometimes you have to stay flexible to really take every day as it comes. Just know that things won't always be like this. You'll get in touch with the right people and you'll find out what your body is trying to tell you. It just takes a lot of patience and forgiveness for the bad times. Take care! My thoughts are with you!

Paul- good food for thought here! It's good to see you posting!

Paul, sometimes things become such a blur that I find it difficult to differentiate between the journey and the destination.
I feel that in many ways they are one and the same, with the only important part being the good that we can do, and what we can learn from it.

I hope you can have a bit of a breather now.

Peter

Peter, it's good to have you back too!

Mary

Mary,
I read your previous post.
The lighthouse sounds wonderful.
I'll go there in my dreams.

Peter

Hi all-
Paul, you have been sorely missed here. But your absence means you are busy working and that is good.

There are two ways to look at this discussion, do you keep your eyes on your goal and race/stumble/march on toward it without enjoying the beauty of the path? Or do you head toward a goal and revel in the twists and turns the path takes? Sometimes heading in what seems to be the wrong direction?
I believe that you can have the image of your goals set in your heart, yet each 'bump in the road' or pitstop along the way, is there for a reason, for you to 'learn' something...I think that the reason is so that one learns to appreciate their achievements so far. If you feel as though you have missed your goal, then maybe you weren't on 'your' right path anyway.
I think Peter hit it square- the journey and the destination may be one and the same.

Kelly- If you have any kind of autoimmune disease then getting stressed and over-tired and stretched too thin is going to make it so much worse. It sounds like you are in dire need of rest, but I hope you are feeling better soon.

Beth Ellen-I'm yearning for the mountains again too!

Paul
It's good to have you back. We all have missed you and your wonderful wisdom.

Kelly
Have you done any searching on the internet about your illness? I can't remember what it is. Hang in there. We are all here to support you in any way we can.

Peter
You have also been missed, glad you are back.

Last horse show of the season this weekend. We have had torrential rains here which is unheard of this time of year. We are still about 2 inches behind our annual rainfall. Flooded basements and mudslides. Not to worry, I'm okay.

I am looking forward to going to visit my daughter and family on Sept. 7th. I will be in Maryland for 2 weeks which I'm sure will go fast. Jeff won't be there as he is traveling with President Bush. I'm sure he will be very busy the next few months because of the November election.

Take care & Love to all
Marge.

Paul and Peter, "it's so good to have you back where you belong!" (Lyrics from "Hello Dolly.")

Ellie and I had a long journey together, and now, we're at a rest stop (retirement) but we're not quite finished. We're traveling a bit lighter these days, and hope the road ahead is not too bumpy.

Some one asked me why I don't write a journal or novella about our journey. I replied, I should, but won't.

My preface would have to say:

"All names are fictitious in order to protect the guilty."

Now, that could be a great selling point!

Kelly, you've been so courageous without losing your ability to love and to tend to your family and friends.

I've always said, as Beth Ellen states, that if you are not satified with the quality of your health care, look elsewhere!

Doctors are not always right as diagnosticians, and second, or third, opinions are so important!

I would love to hear that you have gone to a big teaching hospital or the Mayo Clinic for other opinions, if that is possible!

We're all here, rooting for you!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Peter, it was so beautiful there. It has joined a couple of other special places (all by the sea) where I feel connected to something. Maybe it's everything or maybe it's just myself. I hope the images come through crystal clear in your dreams.

Hi back to Sally!

Love to everyone here tonight,
Mary

Hey all!

I'm here in Cali and all moved in. Just wanted to make a short visit and see what deep thoughts I can dwell on today.

Mary, isn't it funny how the sea is always calling? Such beauty must be connected to our souls.

Aloha,
Maile

Dear Maile, Aloha!

I don't know if the PCers here remember that you were planning to attend film school in Los Angeles, and now you're there, and we wish you good luck and a wonderful and fulfilling college career!

You go, girl, break additional ground like the women before you, like directors Sophia Coppola, Nora Ephron,and Penny Marshall.

Then, there's that successful film editor, Jill Bilcock, who worked on Strictly Ballroom, William Shakespeare, Moulin Rouge, and Road to Perdition.

Stay in touch, please!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Dearest Paul

A chivalrous sonnet? A chinoiserie of dreams to cradle Paul's head as a pillow comforting his mortal coil.
A cheamys mantle of summer warmth-----your amorous thoughts.
My sonata your armour of protection!

--------------------------------------------------
IF PAUL?

If Paul had time for love, who would he share it with?
If Paul could have one wish, what would he wish for?
If Paul could have one special talent or gift, what would it be?
If Paul could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
If Paul could have only one friend, what would that friend be like?
If Paul could visit one planet, which one would it be?
If Paul could only have one holiday, which one would he choose?
If Paul could paint a picture, what kind would it be?
If Paul could make one change in the world, what would it be?
If Paul were to send flowers to heaven, what kind would they be?
What do you think?
Just thinking,

Granny Karla

Hellos and hugs to all of my friends here at PC!

I'm posting a super quick hello and to let everyone know that I've returned from a wonderful vacation!!

I will post a longer post tomorrow-hopefully I will have more time.

Hope everyone is well.

Paul-Welcome back!!

HUGS and more HUGS!
Abeth

Paul,
Welcome back. I see that your recent excursion into choreography has you waxing philosophic. Is this always the case after such an endeavor, or was there something especially significant that occurred this time around?

In response to your new topic: time spent in discovery is never time wasted. Self-reflection can be a useful thing. It affords us an opportunity to look back to see how far we have come, to determine where we are now and to gauge how far we have to go on our self-perceived journey. Too much of it, however, can conjure up that paralyzing spectre of self-doubt and bring us to a screeching halt.

Too little of it can rouse another dreaded demon called complacency. To quote a friend of mine, who wrote a definitive book on the Tarot, “Beware of complacency. The world is full of incomplete projects which started auspiciously with great ideas. Celebrate what’s been created and then move on further along the creative arc. Be prepared to stretch.”

But, in stretching, one must be aware of what one is reaching for. While it is necessary to keep the end result in mind, it is also useful to realize, and to accept, that rather than in one great lunge, it is usually reached in a series of short steps which, when added up, cover great distances and bring the final goal ever closer and within reach.

While it’s good to have goals, it’s also good to realize that, by keeping our eyes solely on a goal, we may well be missing out on many worthwhile sights along the way. The Universe is infinite and complex in nature. Moreover, no matter how much we may think we have things under control, have things figured out, all too often we discover that we are sadly mistaken and that the Universe has a completely different outcome for us than we envision. Then, hopefully, we understand just how futile our carefully thought out plans can really be.

This is not to say that we should ever give up, ever become complacent, ever give in to the urge to quit. No, I submit that it is far better to take the setbacks, the disappointments, the “twists and turns of outrageous fortune” in stride and learn what we can from them. Ideally this knowledge makes the next step of the journey reach farther and be more easily taken.

In the long run, I think your decision to free yourself by “putting the goal out there into the universe and then let it be” is the right one to make. Sometimes we get so caught up in, and bogged down by, the trials and tribulations of daily life that we end up feeling overwhelmed, helpless and hopeless. We try so hard to plan for ourselves and care for those around us that we stumble and fall under the heavy burdens we carry and ultimately are of no use to ourselves or to others. Sometimes we just have to admit that, as human beings, there is only so much that we can do. This is in no way a defeatist attitude, but rather a liberating acceptance of the Universal Reality that governs us all. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break and accept that the only thing we can do, is to do the best that we can and hope that we find a Muse to guide us through the storms.

To emphasize what I mean, I’d like to quote a passage from Yeats’ “The Stolen Child”:

”We foot it all the night,
Weaving olden dances,
Mingling hands and mingling glances
Till the moon has taken flight;
To and fro we leap
And chase the frothy bubbles,
While the world is full of troubles
And is anxious in its sleep.
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of weeping than you
can understand.

--Spivey

Over the last year I've learned that all you can do is put the goal out in front of you and be there, in the present, for the journey. If you reach the goal great, but you can't let the joy of today move passed you like a ghost. You need to grab hold of it, grip it tight. At 32 on July 21st 2003 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have two little ones 4 and 1 at the time. They are my journey. They are not a goal. With them I live and laugh and love. Who better to journey with.

Jill

Over the last year I've learned that all you can do is put the goal out in front of you and be there, in the present, for the journey. If you reach the goal great, but you can't let the joy of today move passed you like a ghost. You need to grab hold of it, grip it tight. At 32 on July 21st 2003 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have two little ones 4 and 1 at the time. They are my journey. They are not a goal. With them I live and laugh and love. Who better to journey with.

Jill

Paul,
It is so good to have you back! Hope you are enjoying a well deserved time to relax with the family. :-)

Grandma Mil wrote:

Doctors are not always right as diagnosticians, and second, or third, opinions are so important!>>
========================
You are so right, Grandma Mil, in your advice to Kelly. An online friend of mine who lives in Canada suffers from Parkinson's and last year her doctor decided to change her meds. They had been working fine, but the doctor wanted to try another combination. Well, the switch made her so sick she came to a point she was wheelchair bound!

To make a long story short, it has taken her months and months to recover, and she is still not back to the level of efficiency that she was before the doctor made the change. She has not only suffered great pain, but has been unable to earn a living with her miniatures because for long stretches of time it was not possible for her to work at all.

Kelly,
Hang in there, girl, we all have those days and it is good to let off some of the steam we keep bottled up inside. Some people get mad at the world, some people get depressed. I'm one of those.

You are strong and we all know it, but even the bravest can have days when they are overwhelmed by the uncertainty. I find that's what brings me down the most, once I know what I'm up against then the fighting spirit springs into action.

Hope you have had much better days since you last posted.

Hugs,
Nertha

Jill, your post touched me so. In just one paragraph you were able to convey the true meaning of "journey" tempered with "courage."

You are a very new newbie, but I send you my admiration and love, and hope that PC will be a source of hope and friendship. (Give those little children of yours big ((((hugs))) from me.)

Nertha, I hope your friend is doing better. I heartily believe in being an informed consumer, whether in the marketplace, or in other facets of our lives, like our health!

Internet information is so superior to anything we had in our past. Even the encyclopedias that we depended on years ago are online, so now information is now literally at our fingertips!

Eeek, another hurricane heading our way!

It's named "Frances", and already is a category 4 storm, which means winds of 130+ mph. It's now 1200 miles from Miami, and is expected to hit the mainland of Florida on the weekend, unless, by some miracle, it veers away. We live an hour from Miami.

Excuse me, I have to go and find the flashlights and portable radio!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Hi all.

Welcome back Paul. You have obviously had plenty of time to reflect on many aspects of your life. It's incredible how when you start a new journey like your choregraphy for the show, it lets you showcase your talents again and even learn new ones. Additionally it helps you grow as a person.
I just completed my first semester of grad school. You all will proud of me. We get our grades in numbers and letters Economics 100, A+, Managerial Accounting 96, A. Not bad for a first start back. It challenged me and put me in a whole new frame of mind. I feel I can truly accomplish something. The really cool thing like you mentioned Paul is I'm not really anxiously awaiting the future, I'm just enjoying the learning, and experiences of today and anticipating some different outcomes that I've had in the past. I also contacted an old friend in the Consulting Firm I worked for years ago. I may be working for him again.
Kelly...I know it's tough to feel so lost and down. Remember I was there. Mentally maybe not physically. Although I do have the herniated disk in my neck which causes a lot of constant pain. It's really hard to get through some days, but don't forget your family needs you,loves you and your extended family here only wishes the best for you. Are you on any kind of anti depressant? Not that it's a cureall, but my mother in law suffered from chronic pain from back surgeries and they put her on a mild AD. It really made a difference in her ability to handle daily life even with the pain.
Jill..I didn't realize you went through that. I assume you are in remission. That occurs so often and it is truly so frustrating that there just seems to be no way to "prevent" it. People excercise, eat right, do everything in their power to live great and voila..they have an encounter with areal health challenge. Your note touched me. Positive thinking and living for your children are such cures in some cases. One of my wife's friends was supposed to go in for biopsies (sp) on tumors in her uterous. When she wemt in forthe prep work..they were gone. I trust they got it all. Just stay positive. You'll be here a long time.
It's great to talk today. It's been awhile, but school has me working like a dog. This semester I'm taking 3 classes. By overloading for the next four semesters I'll graduate in August next year.
Peace and happiness everyone.

Tim

Tim, it was a joy to read your post just now. Not just because of your wonderful results but also because of the compassion and empathy that you expressed in your words to Kelly and Jill. All I can say is that it did me good to read them. So thanks. Wishing you continued success with the second semester.

Kelly, hope things have picked up a bit for you. Thinking of you.

Jill, welcome. I wish you good health and much shared joy with your children as they grow.

Maile, you're right about the sea. When I stand by the sea I do feel like I have answered some call. Isn't it wonderful? Good luck with your course!

Abeth, delighted to hear your holiday went well. Welcome back!

I hope everyone in the Corner is feeling good tonight.

Love to you all,
Mary

Kelly, I have been thinkning about you since I first read your post and have many times sat at the computer to respond to you and your pain and to your journey and felt pretty much useless! There is nothing I can say or do that can make it better - only you can do that. I send you my thoughts and my love and I ask that you dont give up on Clay's games - they bring you joy - I ask that you dont give up on yourself and that you dont dim the the light in your life due to frustration, anger, lack of results etc. I am glad you vented here and hope when you feel the need you continue to let it rip!! As hard as it is, the light shines from within - that light also is a source of love and healing. My brother dimmed his completely until it went out, I coped with that loss by turning mine up and whilst there was pain and grief and shadows around me I was able to light my way forward.

That is the great thing about time - it marches on and we are powerless to change that. It is how we flow with it that matters most. Enjoying Clays football games is a pretty good way to march on with time.

If Paul had time for love, who would he share it with?
: True love is boundless and infinite and therefore I share it with all that is

If Paul could have one wish, what would he wish for?
: That each and every person could find this true love within themselves

If Paul could have one special talent or gift, what would it be?
: Luckily for me I have a few:) but to wrap them into one gift wraped box - to nourish

If Paul could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
: it is in the here and the now

If Paul could have only one friend, what would that friend be like?
: If I could have only one friend I would make that friend me. It is important to be a freind to your own self.

If Paul could visit one planet, which one would it be?
:If our mind is a universe then there are plenty of planets to chose from, I pick one of them.

If Paul could only have one holiday, which one would he choose?
: I often have a holiday with the kids and my wife out in our back yard.

If Paul could paint a picture, what kind would it be?
: It would be a picture of love so that we can remember what it looks like on those occassions when we cannot find it within ourselves.

If Paul could make one change in the world, what would it be?
: only one? To ask that people live in the postive with dignity, integrity, respect and love for there neighbors

If Paul were to send flowers to heaven, what kind would they be?
Iris's and Frangipanis and maybe some Tulips too

Dearest Paul:

THOUGHTS OF PAUL

If Paul had time for love, who would he share it with?
: True love is boundless and infinite and therefore I share it with all that is
--------------------------------------------------

:Your very scent is the desert wind upon the sand
:Your spirit an oasis in a barren wilderness of souls
:Your heart burns in the passion of my desire
:Your body the ocean in which I live
:Your mind is a sea that never ends
:Your eyes into which I see myself
:You are my life, together we never die
:Your arms hold me as a prisoner in the night
:I am the answer to the riddles that have no meaning
:I am the golden coin that can buy your freedom
:I am the price that one pays to make them free
:I am the sun, the moon, the stars, the Alpha and Omega of all things
:I am simply the man within all men
:I am Paul

Just thinking
What do you think?
I must go now as my coach and steeds in Livery are at prepared readiness.
Granny Karla

Paul, and everyone.

Thanks for always loving me even at my worst. I try to be positive all the itme as it does get me very far. I just can't be right now. Everyone has noticed. And I don't care. I can only be the me that is me at that time and place. I have never been one to "fake it" so if I am depressed, then everyone knows it. I am feeling a bit better. I did alot of home improvement over the weekend and that made me feel good. Even though my hubby bitched. (i and the kids want to move, he does not)But as I am in this mood, what I say goes, usually. I don't have the energy to quarrell or care. I was greatfull the credit card allowed me to purchase a tree, fabric to make a roman shade, new decorator curtain rods for the den and living room. That did feel good. Clay's team won thier game Thurday. 50-16 . yes, 50-16. They rocked. And I did take my camera. I have to admit it did make me shine a bit for a while. I love watching my kids in sports. He has another game today. It was odd not watching him quarterback as that is usually his position. he is 3rd string quarterback and first string middle linebacker. I am used to watching his play starting defense and offense. Now he actuall is on the sidelines. He never used to sit. But thats ok. I am adjusting. Work is so terrible I can barely stand it. I am looking for work elsewere. I would love to work with animals.
I love animals so much. My son checked into vet school to be vet tech but the closeset collage is 1 1/2 hours away. I just can't do that. I can't be away from my family that long per day and work as well. But I would love to work for the humane society or a dog breeder. We have decided to just take a pay cut and get me out of my misery at the bank. (I am a Senior Chargeback
Representative, (credit card disputes), I deal with millions of dollars every day and it's very stressful. one wrong move and it could cost you your job. I have made it 5 years in this department with no errors but it has taken it's toll. All the doctors keep telling me to quit but I need every one of my pennys, ya know. But then I factor in all my medical bills and think it wasn't worth it. They say stress is whats getting me. I need to quit. So I think I will. I have found myself doing things at work that I could get in trouble for. I am so straight laced and by the book, I can't belive I can slip like this and not always do my best. Maybe I am asking to be fired. I dont know. I have asked to be severed in the last lay off we had but they laughed at me and said I would be the last one they let go. But, today is football and that is what I am thinking of.

My daughter loves 6th grade. She is jazzed and excited and happy. (one huge hurdle tackled) She likes her teacher and is not bummed about homework. Thats was a big problem last year.

She got to meet several ladies from the "All amercan womans baseball leauge, form the 40's and 50's. They made a movie called "A leauge of thier own" in the early 90's with Genna Davis and Madonna. Madonna's carechter was there and Paige spoke to her in great detail. She came home with tons of baseball cards and souveniers. She said the lasdies really liked her as she was the only ballplayer there. All the other girls were basketball players. Paige plays soccer, basketball and softball, so she could talk ball with them. And of course she shared her brother playing in the world series in July.

Paul,

You said you were useless as to making me feel better. Your love and support means more to me than you could ever know. I respect you so very much. Just the fact that you and everyone here has thought of me and wished me well, means alot to me. You are a pillar of strenghth and I don't feel bad feeding off of it. I have always said If I need comfort, I willask for it. And I guess I did when I poured it all out in my post.
There is a good saying I heard in amovie and I have been trying to keep it in my thoughts alot lately. "this too, shall pass" I can't wait for it to pass. In the meantime I will keep trying.
I don't have a choice.

Thanks to everyone, Mil, Tim, Marge, Lyn, Beth Ann, Mary , Sally, AStrid, Peter, Nertha.

Paul, thanks for being the "sun" in my every darkening universe. I will try to let the light in more and more. I promise.

Love to all ,

Kelly

Hello all, just dropping by. Today is the first day of school and it's a good/bad proposition. My son is not very happy in the school environment and he spreads this unhappiness all around. It's just more stress on my already unbearable pile. Kelly I can so relate to your feelings. If you would like to discuss this with me more privately feel free to email me.
Dez is back in the rehab after her surgery and she is trying to gain ground on this latest set back. Two steps forward, three steps back.
One of the people I went to high school was found dead at home this week, suspected suicide. It is horrible for me to contemplate. On one hand Dez is fighting so hard to survive and so many people struggle through their pain everday and on the other hand there are people who just give in. Some people aren't as strong as others, but I just can't wrap my mind around suicide. I feel like giving up sometimes but when it gets really bad and I think of the options it always comes down to one is possible for me and one is not. I tell myself to stop wallowing and get on with it. Maybe I'm just lucky that I always come up, always catch my breath as it were. Sorry for rambling. I'm in a worrisome place today.
Tim goodonya for the grades..keep going!
Hi Grandma Mil,Peter,Mary,Maile,Nertha,Jill, my dear Katalina, Cat and nice to see you again Paul.
Peace

Dear Kelly,
As a fellow animal lover, I understand the desire to work with them. My question is, have you tried to look for online vet tech schools? I know there are some correspondence schools and I do know that most vets would like to have a tech, but are just as happy to have a dedicated and loving worker. I believe that you fit that bill perfectly!! Vet techs do not make the big bucks, but as you said, money is not always the way to happiness. Sometimes the best jobs for you don't make a lot of money but more than make up for it in a great sense of wellbeing. Good luck to you in your quest!! If you decide to work for a breeder, look for a reputable breeder to work for. There are many who just go for the money, not for the love of the animals. There is a very sad website that I visit often and help out with when I can called www.puppymillrescue.com. Some of the stories just can break your heart.

Hello to all and think of Grandma Mil, Julie, Jean and I (and anybody else I forgot in south florida) when Frances hits!!

Love to all!
Beth Ellen

Beth Allen,

the online courses cost abotu 700.00 to 1,000.00. Thery ar generally around $25.00 to $75.00 per month and my hubby has discouraged me from doing these in the past as I have certainly checked them out over the years. He would probobably tell me to do it, now. I have been checking those online coarses lately but they never have vet tech courses. Let me know if you see one. I will check out the website. Thanks.

Inn, I know how you feel, I always seem to come up for air , too, but this time it seems like I am an inch from the surface and just can't get that breath. I am sure I will eventually get there. Suicide would never be an option for me. I love my family to much to do that to them. No matter how bad it gets.

Just came from a meeting and more changes and rules and everything is getting so messedup here. I really need to bolt from this job.

Love to all
Kelly

hi paul and welcome back

Beth Ellen, I just got a call from the main office. Follies rehearsal tomorrow is cancelled due to the fact that the clubhouse where the rehearsal was to be held is being boarded up because of the hurricane due this weekend...bummer!

I had the phone squad call the cast. It's now a reality that we may be hit after dodging the bullet, so to speak, for years!

The Follies soprano, a widow, is so upset on being alone during the storm, I invited her to come and ride out the storm with Ellie and me...she even offered to bring her own bedding...just like a slumber party!

I'll put her in my den, among the stars, like Paul, Tara, Clark, Vivien, Lana, Natalie, Robert, etc., etc. and if the electricity doesn't fail, we can watch all my classic movies! No popcorn, though, too much salt and carbs!

Kelly and Inn, you have a band of sisters, brothers, and grannies on PC that wish to help in any capacity. We love you!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Kelly

My thought and prayers are with you. I have only to offer a kind and listening ear to comfort you.

Your friend
Granny Karla

Dearest Paul:
--------------------------------------------------
As hard as it is, the light shines from within - that light also is a source of love and healing. My brother dimmed his completely until it went out, I coped with that loss by turning mine up and whilst there was pain and grief and shadows around me I was able to light my way forward
--------------------------------------------------

THE DIMMING OF PAUL'S BROTHER'S LIGHT--A FULL MOON DREAM FANTASY

Paul sits on a moss-covered rock with his face burried in his hands. I bear witness to his grief, amongst the moss, druids, tree spirits and rocks on the Earth. The pain, the broken heart washed in flowing tears bathed in a moons aura of blue-white light. The rivers serenity, flowing beneath the sky of a starry sun moon lit night. Trees, Earth, stars, little crawly creatures and spirits feel for the loss for Paul's fallen brother. A wish they grant. You will be given a companion from beyond the stars---unconditional love bequeathed from the Highest Power to be sent not a man or a woman, but simply a being to love you.
: Truly a magnificent greature. Heaven's Gate with Hell's fury we will give him this " BLACH PANTHER OF THE FULL MOON " with his incredible collar of diamonds sparkling of stars and the twinkling of ruby eyes. His " JAGUAR OF THE SUN " to run by him with lusty speed to chase their dreams, pursuing the sun across serpentine rainbow-filled skies in search of the fabled Citadel,
: Your " BLACK PANTHER OF THE FULL MOON ", " THE JAGUAR OF THE SUN " that runs by you, races to your aid in a myriad of forgotten dreams. Your Panther, with his incredible eyes of ruby, racing through the sky to help you. His teeth of ivory and claws of black jet to rip at the hearts and souls of the evil about you. His brilliant eyes of ruby sparkling in the full moon as he ascends the heavens to be by your side, with dazzling magic, covered in luxurious black ebony fur, as his cowl.
: Here under the light of the full moon, and the brilliant light of the reflective sun as the water ripples, Paul holds his brother in his arms as their life together dimms away.

I must go now for I feel faint

Just some thoughts
What are your thoughts?
Granny Karla

Hi all...

Thank you, Gran Mil, for your enthusiasm.

I'm enjoying school so far, although it's the first week, so everything's been slow. L.A. is pretty nice, but the smog is quite another thing. Luckily I'm closer to the ocean, so it isn't as thick. I have 2 film classes and a film lab. So far, they've been very enlightening. =)

Nice to meet all the newbies--Beth Ellen, Spivey, and Karla--did I miss anyone?

Kelly and Inn, blessings and thots as you live each day...

Aloha,
Maile

Kelly,
You're not being a baby for feeling sorry for yourself. In the past, I've "spilled my guts" here several times. It helped. No question. It also brouht up different perspectives that I may not have otherwise been aware of.
Recognising that you're down is a healthy way of understanding your own situation, and will help you to come to terms with it, in what ever way will help you. I don't see you wanting to stay down. Sharing it can help.
I wish that you could have relief soon. Best wishes.

Tim,
Your grades are fantastic. I hope that you are justifiably proud of those achievements. It really sounds as though your head, heart and soul are in a different space now. Congratulations on a brilliant achievement of self fulfillment. Bewdy mate.

Inn, hang in there. I'll send some helpers to shovel that pile away.

Hi Marge, I hope you are doing well.

Mary,
I was looking through a book that my uncle gave me on the history of the Dalmatia region, or the Makarska Riviera, as they call it. What a turbulent and mixed history, but possibly little different to what has gone on in other parts of Europe over the last 4 millenia or so.
Occupation or rule by Illyrians, Romans, Venetians, Turks, Austro-Hungarians, France....
Turns out that some early inhabitants actually came from Asia (indo-europeans).
The best part was the modern pictures of the beautiful coastline. Bold, rugged and sunny.
What is it about the water?

Hi to everyone.
Best wishes,
Peter

Ah...the journey and the destination. For me, the journey is the destination. Wherever you go, there you are. The scenary may change, but it's still YOU doing the travelling. Jennifer in California

Greetings to all in the Corner. Well, it's hump day so it's all down hill from here!!!

To everyone having a tough time right now, I can't really add much of anything that hasn't already been said.
Just remember that, no matter what you have going on in your life, and no matter how difficult it may be to do so--always make some time just for yourselves. A little bit of selfish self-maintance is a good thing. There's a reason that flight safety instructions insist that you put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF before putting it on someone else. If you become incapacitated, you won't be able to help yourself or anyone else.

Inn
Good thoughts for you and your friend Dez.
Is that demanding house of yours been behaving itself? If not, you might threaten to let a few termites gnaw on a beam or two(non-load-bearing ones, of course)! That should put a shudder in its joists!!! ;-)

Nertha,
Good to hear from you again. Backtracked and read your last post from the previous thread. I take it that the ragweed attack has lessened? (cough, cough, achoo, snort, scratch, sniff, sniff, aaaahhh!!). LOL

I'm happy if I can give you some laughs. Will do my best to keep it up. If I can do that, then the least you can do is jump up on stage and give us a song or two!!! I wonder, do they have sea chanties on Karoke machines? Check it out and let me know, ok?

Hope the weather has let up a bit so that you (and your air conditioner) can have a break from the heat.

BTW, are you being inconvenienced at all by the RNC (Reprobate Nerta Confabulation)while it's in town? I hope not.

Karla,
What eloquence! What honorative prose!! I see that you have found that Muse of which I was speaking.
Perhaps after you finish with the collection of your mother's stories, you should begin with a volume of your own works?
Arts $ crafts, homemade pies, rug hooking, cyber exploration and now poetry. Could it be that we are in the presence of a true Renaissance Granny?

Bonnie,
Where are you? How are you? I hope that you haven't succumbed to the rigors of the South Beach Diet? Please check in soon, okay???

Maile (another beautiful name!),
Film school is it? Do we have another ____________ in the making? I've left the blank for you to fill in. Is there any specific film maker who you admire and aspire to be like? Or, better still, someday your name will be put in the blank by others who aspire to attain your level of skill and artistry! You never can tell! I hope that film school provides the tools necessary to perfect your craft and enable you to bring your visionary creations to fruition.

It's really too bad that that flamboyant, sometimes manic, but never dull Hollywood Insider David Poppe is no longer posting here. I'm sure that he could tell you plenty of useful bits of real Movie Biz info that they won't be able to teach you in school!

Tim,
Congratulations. I'm sure you've worked very hard to get such good results in grad school so far.

To the rest here, be well. And, if you're in the hurricane zone, be safe.

--Spivey

Inn, I hope your son has a better than expected experience this year. School being an issue in any form is so difficult as it just keeps re-presenting itself every morning. I wish him the best and you too. I hope things ease up for you soon. Take care.

Kelly, continued good wishes to you.

Peter, the turbulence must have been hell to live through but it certainly makes for an interesting mix of culture and I'm sure, language. All I can remember from learning about the history of the Balkans is that it was so complicated! I'm glad your uncle gave you the book. I'd say you'd find some part of yourself in there.

I think one of the things I find reassuring about being by the sea is the balancing up of the land with the water. Being out in the middle of an ocean wouldn't appeal to me in the same way. I wonder if growing up by the sea plants it in your psyche somehow?

Love to Paul & all,
Mary

Spivey, So sorry that I have not been on as of late. Computer problems set me back for a week and a half. I had two nasty virus's that Norton failed to identify, and it messed up my hard drive and I had to reinstall everything all over again. What a bummer that was! Grrrr

The South Beach Diet is going very well. I have lost a total of 13 pounds to date. I feel so much better and have a lot more energy too.

Spivey, you mentioned someone by the name of David. I really have not seen anything posted by hime and was just wondering what types of Hollywood stuff you were referring to. Just curious I guess.

I am in the path of this horrible Hurricane Frances. What a nightmare storm!! I can't help but think of Granny Mil there in Florida and I hope that you see this Mil and that you will be safe from harm. Make sure you have plenty of bottled water and canned goods and flashlights and you know the drill I am sure.

Kelly, I am sorry that your life has been turned upside down as of late. Life does throw us many curve balls and we have to learn how to catch them. It is not always easy but I do believe things happen for a reason and maybe this is God's way to make you a stronger person for something that will happen to you in the future. I have been through depression and I know that it can be a living hell. You sound like a strong individual and I know that you will surive this and come out of it a much better and stronger person. Just take one day at a time and don't set any goals. Best of luck to you..

hello to all and best wishes

Bonnie

Let's please stay away from the David topic, thanks.

Hello All!

Kelly I read your post and I sympathize with you. That's why I took the risk to go back to school for massage therapy even though I wasn't sure if it was what I really wanted to do. I think we're never really sure when it comes to trying new things or taking a risk. But one thing is true stress is what making everyone sick in one form or another. I see it with the people I work on. Good luck with your decision.

Yes, everyone I am preparing for the massive hurrican that is coming straight at my area of the state. My school is closed for the rest of the week and people are in a panic. But rather than look at the negative side of things I though of what could be positive about this situation.

1.) the woman that owned our house before us spent over $15,000 in hurricane shutters so all we have to do is close them tommorrow and we're set for the house.

2.) the test that I was suppose to have on Friday on the nervous system has been cancelled so I have a few more days to study including labor day.

3.) Tonight while my husband and I went to the grocery store to buy suplies amungst the choas I still managed to zone out in my mind and have this incredible fantasty of a deserted island, tiki torches and a studdly man wearing something smaller than a wash cloth (I'm sure Grandma Millie is really proud of me now with my comments). Well, in a crisis situation, you have to be creative to not go completely out of your mind especially with a husband who made the hurricane crisis a good excuse to buy LOTS of Sardines in a can.

Hope all is well with everyone.

love to all,

Tim, we're so proud of you!

You are truly amazing in what you've accomplished in your studies, and before you know it, we'll be congratulating you on your graduation!

Bonnie, great weight loss, keep it up! During the storm we Floridians will have to rely on canned stuff, like tuna, salmon, and yes, Julie, those delicious sardines, if the electricity goes out. These are all allowed on the diet. No electric can openers, folks!

(BTW, those soft packs of tuna could also be useful.)

Julie, I'm glad you have those shutters. We are more inland than you are, but the winds can be damaging anywhere. I'll be thinking of you, Beth, and Jean...stay safe!

The storm is still out near the Bahamas, but should be in our area by Saturday night.

Everything in our village has been cancelled, and all facilities are being boarded up.

A group of my dancers are practicing this morning (Thursday) in an auditorium that has no glass doors or windows. No piano there, so no general rehearsal. Follies will survive!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Dearest Julie, I am always proud of you, even as you mention your fantasy island, (and is it in the path of Frances the Hurricane?)

About that studdly guy...does he have an email address?

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Hey all,

Clay's team won last night 56-18, yes, 56-18. They are dong great. Clay blocked a punt and had a quarterback sack. He played amazing, he had several tackles. They kept anouncing the wrong name every time he had a great play. He wasn't very happy about that.

Two more days till the weekend, then more home improvement. That will will make me feel better I am sure. I am on this new kick were I don't want to spend any money so I can put it all twords the credit cards and maybe someday 10 years from now they will will actually be paid off. hummm. nice dream. Off to work now . Love to you all.

Kelly

Just want to say to our East Coasters that I'm keeping fingers crossed that Frances lands somewhere else other than Florida or anywhere on land. Also, can anyone recommend a LOCAL Florida charity to which one could send hurricane relief donations to? There's the Red Cross, of course, but I'm wondering if there is some local charity that can quickly get help to people who need it. Back to work for me now. Best to all. Jennifer in California

Jennifer- FWIW--the only relief fund linked from the state government's website (and from FSU's website too) goes to volunteerfloridafoundation(dot)org.

Grandma Mil and Julie - and everybody else down there on Florida's east coast....get the hell out of Dodge!

Be safe all.

Vicki

P.S. Glad to see you back, Paul. Hello to PCers one and all!

Kelly - quit your job. Yes yes yes easier said than done and no no no you cant blame it for all of your health problems but if happiness and joy bring love and health.......

As you mentioned it I thought I would second it!

Tim I am sorry that I have been so slack in congradulating you! CONGRATS TIMMER!!!!! I as all of us here are real Proud of you - keep going buddy!

Maile, great to hear you are enjoying film school. You never know maybe you will get me in one of your movies?! Good luck with the rest of the year!

Batton down the hatches East coasters, I will be watching the weather channel and sending you positive thoughts!

Hello, All!
I've been incredibly busy with school and ought to be in bed right now, but I wanted to send my love and concern to those of you down in Florida! I've been thinking about you and I hope you check in ASAP when things settle down!

Paul- Your answers to Karla were really beautiful thoughts. It made me think a lot about my life lately and what energy I am/am not putting out there. Thanks for sharing.

Kelly- I third that motion! Too many signs point to yes. When you cut the harmful stuff out of your life, it's amazing how much good you can replace it with. You're listening to everything your body tells you- now it's time to follow it's directions.

Tim- Those grades are very impressive! You have all my admiration for your excellence.

I know I'm forgetting to say so much- I feel like it's been so long. I wish I didn't feel so out of touch with you guys! I think of everyone here often- Especially when I'd rather be blogging than burying my nose in a textbook! I send you all my best thoughts and wishes.
Take care!
-Astrid

Greetings to all at the Corner!

How many Floridians do we have here? You guys have your own little community down there. I can't watch the news or weather, due to lack of that famous device, the tv; but here's to safety and warm thoughts to cheer your days...Hopefully you won't have to eat that canned salmon.

Spivey, my favorite filmmaker at the moment is Tim Burton. I also like Sophia Coppola. I don't know if I aspire to be like either. My major is screenwriting, but I am taking film production and film studies classes.

Yeah Paul! As you know, this is a rather fickle business, and competition is rather stiff. But if I get an in somewhere you'll be notified. I wish I could put some words in for your wonderful acting to someone who would take notice. Hmm. Well, anything is possible and life is Good along the way.

Hi Marge, Astrid, Tim (good wishes!), Bonnie, Inn, Paul, Kelly, Lyn B., Peter, Vicki, Gran Mil, Abeth, Julie, and everyone I missed.

Love to all
Maile

It's 6:00 a.m. Friday in Florida, and Hurricane Frances is still hanging around the Bahamas, and has slowed. That means it will not hit Florida until Saturday night or Sunday.

The waiting is the worse, for people have left their homes near the beach areas, and are living in shelters, like schools, etc. Shelves are stripped of food and supplies in all the stores, and I'm not sure there is any re-stocking as the storm has slowed.

The Floridians on PC that live near Ellie and me:

Julie, Beth Ellen, and Jean. (Hanh lives in the north-west part of the state.) Bonnie, LynB, are you also Floridians? I wasn't sure.

I'm listening to our local TV station as I type, and the good news is the storm is now a Category 3, down from the Category 4 monster, but still a dangerous storm.

It's now 325 miles from Miami, but has slowed to 9 miles an hour, slow enough to prolong the agony of waiting.

I wish I had a laptop, for if the electricity fails, we'll be out of touch, either by phone or computer.

To my Florida chickies, chin up, stay dry, and think wonderful thoughts like this too will pass!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Hellos and lots of hugs to my friends here at PC!!

For all my friends in Frances's path-please, please, go to a safe place, hunker down, do whatever it takes to get through this storm!! Be sure to check in with us here at PC to let us know all are safe. My thoughts and prayers will be with anyone in her path.

Things are okay with me. Just a bit stressed out but it's something I want to write about right now. It'll pass-it usually does!

My news.....the baby is growing and moving, my 5 year old started kindergarten (sigh and boo hoo!) and my 3 year old is not doing well with being separated from her sister.

I've read some posts and have noticed that a few here are having a rough time of it lately. Remember, be true to yourself, forgive yourself-life is too short. I hope that things begin to look up-have faith. And, we are all human, we are are allowed to vent and piss and moan-then-be willing to make the necessary changes to make a quality life!!

Lots and Lots of HUGS!!!!!!
Abeth

Mil, Julie, Beth Ellen, and Jean, I am thinking of you and hoping for the best. Mil if you lose your power, don't worry, we will all still be with you in spirit till the power comes back on.

Kel

Hi everyone! I'm just back from a week on the East Coast and am still trying to recover from my "vacation"!

Paul, I do my best to practice mindfulness so that I avoid thinking about end results. I'm getting better at it, but it's a struggle to remain in the moment with no concern for the future. I HAVE to practice it when I'm stressing out about something or I can make myself miserable with worry, which gets you no further along the journey I've found out!

Kelly, I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. It seems to me that with your tiredness of the whole situation you feel powerless. That's when you have to remember that you have lots of support, but more importantly you have your SELF. I'll bet you'd like to get all those doctors together in a room and knock their heads together! Remember that you are a force of good energy and light. You have the power to change LOTS of things. Listen to your heart and do what you know in your gut will further your healing, both physically and emotionally. I truly believe that if you can make some quiet time for yourself, you'll find the answers within. Maybe look for a tape to listen to that covers self-healing. Something with guided imagery maybe. Take some of that power back that those doctors and your job have sucked out of you! I want you to feel better!

Peter, I was so happy to see you back on PC! How is your journey at the moment? I thought of you yesterday because a friend mentioned Rolfing. Is that what your mind/body work was? What you spoke of seemed a bit gentler than what I imagine Rolfing to be, but I'm curious.

I see that you and Mary were talking about the sea. I was on the Atlantic for four hours this past Sunday on a Whale Watch. We saw several whales and had an amazing time, but I agree that being NEAR the ocean is preferrable. I felt consumed by the energy! Full out survival mode. Being on the beach, walking and pondering will happen in future!

Tim, keep up the good work. I'm proud of you!

Mary, what music is inspiring you today? Love to you.

Mil, I just saw on CNN that the outer bands of rain are making their way into your area. I hope you stay safe and dry! You too, Julie, Beth Ellen and Jean.

Love to you all,
Michelle

Kelly, your sweetness and light will keep us going!

Abeth, thanks for your good wishes for us in Florida. Glad your pregnancy is going well. Your three-year-old will love the new baby, I'm sure!

Frances is still bogged down in the Bahamas, 300 miles from Miami.

Very weird, for nothing is going to happen until late tomorrow or Sunday, and thousands of people are in shelters, waiting, waiting.

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Hi everyone. I've spent some time reading posts from now and the past. What amazing reading. Beautiful thoughts. You all feel like such a close group that I feel like an invader, and interloper in your world. I hope I'm not out of line for posting. For the past few days I've felt like a party-goer just walking around and listening, but not know how to join, not know if I really should or if I should just get my jacket, take our my keys and go home.

At time I've almost felt too, like I've opened up someone's private journal and I'm snooping. You all express real feelings that I feel shy to respond. My first post was out of courage, but taken too soon to step forward again.

Paul - I just read the lastest article about you posted on this site. I must admit I had no clue. I always picture you as the strong young man in Stictly Ballroom. I know now what a range of emotions and experiences you've had. You've become real to me, not just an image on a screen.

Take care all

Jill

Lyn, Thanks for the info. It sure puts things in perspective to be at nature's mercy. Glad to hear our Floridian friends are taking steps to stay safe and sound. Maybe Frances will decide to go somewhere else -- enough already for poor Florida!

I am so very glad it's FRIDAY and, not only that, it's Friday before a long weekend!!! Yahoo! It's in the 90's here in the San Francisco Bay Area, so it'll be a good weekend for catching some sunshine. I'll try to send some to the East Coast!

Best to all and have great weekends. Jennifer

To all my PC friends in Florida - Mil, Julie, Beth Ellen, Jean and anyone else calling in - please take good care and stay safe this weekend. I'll be thinking of you. The waiting must be terrible but at least it's better than being taken unawares.

Hi Astrid! It's good to hear from you. Hope things are going well for you. Stay in touch.

Abeth, that's a big milestone for your five year-old and for you. It's hard on her sister but shows the bond they must share. Best wishes to you and to baby.

Michelle, it's really great to have you back! The experience with the whales must have been incredible... It's funny that you asked about music today. I have been trying to track down a song recently that I've been hearing on the radio. I even asked Peter about it as I was fairly sure it was by an Aussie group. I eventually contacted the DJ who was playing it after hearing it again yesterday and he said it was by a group called Human Nature. I checked around here and it can't be got for love nor money. As is the way with certain songs, I have formed an emotional attachment to it and ended up ordering the album on Amazon tonight. Can't wait to get it! By the way, Colin Hay will be doing the rounds here the week after next. I'm hoping maybe to look out for tickets.

Jill, I hope you'll join the party and stay and that you'll always feel welcome here.

Love to Paul and to everyone else out there tonight,
Mary

Hello Everyone,

It has taken all the strength and courage I could muster tonight to post this bad news, so I hope you will bear with me. My husband passed away suddenly on July 1st and it is only now that I could come here to tell you.

I don't post much, so a lot of you don't know me as a regular, but I have made friends with people here off line, and they have all urged me to let you know what has happened.

If I can ever find a "normal" place again, I would like to come back and join in on the conversations. Until that time, I must leave.

Thank you all for understanding and being the great group of people that you are.

Claire

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I had words to take away your pain, but I don't. Please take care and be gentle with yourself.

Jill

Claire,

I am very sorry for your loss. Just know that
we will always be here for you when you are ready. That's what everyone here is best at. Being there for each other. I know first hand. It took alot to share with us your pain. I hope in a way it made you feel better. I also hope all the love and kisses we send your way will make you feel loved and cherished, cause you are.

We will be here night or day, good or bad, happy or sad. We will just be here for you.

Take care and know we all love you. : )
I will say a prayer for you.

Kelly

Dear Claire,

Our deepest sympathy to you and your family on your loss.

Please be assured that you will always have a special place here where you will find friendship, understanding, and love.

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil and Ellie

Hi Everyone,

Orlando is having quite a time once again with hurricanes. Charlie whipped through three weeks ago and most everyone was out of phone and electric for quite some time. This one is a waiting game. I wish we'd get on with it. To Grandma Mill and all the other Floridians good luck and God be with you.

I'm catching up on movies at least until the lights go off. Maybe they might not go this time. It's possible.

My biggest concern is all the stuff that hasn't been picked up from Charlie in our front lawns. The pile right in front of my house of twigs and logs is close to 6 ft tall. It's all over the neighborhood.

I'll be in touch. It's time to bag the computer, tape up the windows, and batten down the hatches.

Blessings and Love,

Joan

Dear Joan,

Didn't realize you are a Floridian also, and yes, may God be with us all!

Right now, at 8:00 a.m. in Broward County, we have rain and some wind, but so far, we have our electricity, but the hurricane is going to make land tonight into Sunday morning, and we pray for everyone! It is down to a Category 2 storm.

Linda's son's wedding is today in Michigan. Thank goodness it's there and not here!!! I'm sure she will check in and tell us about it later!

Peace and Love, and stay safe, everyone!

I've been watching the weather and having thoughts of everyone who is being hit. I hope everyone stays safe and secure. Keep in touch.

Jill

Claire - my sincere sympathies to you on the passing of your husband. I know from experience that you have tough days ahead, but you will get through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Floridians one and all - I'm keeping on eye on Frances' progress, and prayers and good thoughts in my heart for all of you.

To all you folks in the U.S. - best wishes for a fun and safe Labor Day weekend. Look out for all the crazies on the roads.

A big 'hello' to all PCers everywhere!

Vicki

Deepest sympathies to you and your family Claire. We would love to have you post here. Maybe we could offer enough comfort to help you find that "normal" place a little easier.
Hello all, heads down Floridians! My prayers go out to all of you.
Peace

I haven't been sleeping well. This happened last year right after I was diagnosed. I can't sleep if it's quiet. I need the tv on. I can't count how many time over the last 3 weeks I've slept on the couch. Why now? I have lots of guesses. I have an oncology appt. soon. Routine, but I hate them because the smell there reminds me of all my chemo. I'm getting back some test results at the end of Sept. that will tell me if I have the breast cancer mutation. IF I have it I'll be in for more surgery. Plus I have to have a mole removed that is quistionable. Thus, I can't sleep. Oh - and I'm a teacher and the school year just started.

Now I ask myselt why am I pooring this out here to strangers? I have a breast cancer board, but sometimes I get overwhelmed with the emotions that are there. They take over. Why am I pooring my heart out here? Because you are strangers? I can pour and pour then run away and you'll never see me again. But is that fair? Is it fair of me to unburden myself in hopes of feeling better and possible burden you - if you care? I know a few said I sounded couragious in my first post, but that is a lie. I'm not at all. I'm scared. I sat at my teacher desk the other day and all I wanted to do was crawl under it and stay there. I hate facing the day because I can't run away from the thoughts. We call cancer on Beast on my cancer board. Every morning when I wake the beast is standing across the street just watching me. No one else can see him. Only me. He just stares and there is nothing in his eyes that tell me if he's coming back or saying good-bye. I want to scream What? What the hell do you want from me? You've taken my security isn't that enough. You've taken the deep of night from me because I can't wake up without fear. You've taken complete joy from me because all joy and happiness is tempered with a "what if". What if I don't see my daughter have a baby? What if I don't see my son graduate? What if my husband has to be alone?

I know, I know. Stay positive. Don't let it win by taking over your life. I can do that. I can beat it back, but only across the street. There he stays, watching.

I HATE THIS!!!!!! I hate that my life has been taken from me. I mourn for the woman I used to be, that I'll never be again - even if I beat him into a different state or across the globe. She's gone. Dead. When will the new me be real and firm and ME?

I'm sorry. You don't need to hear this.

Paul-
I'm sorry. I stepped in when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry I came here, in your place to kick and scream and have a tantrum. Why here? I don't know? Where else? That I don't now either.

For now

Jill

Dear Claire
My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I lost my husband in 2000. It seems like that was a whole other life on a different planet. If you would like, I could mail you a pamphlet called the "Cycle of Grieving" It helped me get through those days, weeks and months after his death. Click on my name and I may be able to email it to you.

Take Care, Marge

I am so sorry to see such turmoil here tonight.

To Claire and Jill, I offer my sympathy and a shoulder to cry on.

To Mill, Ellie, Julie, Beth Ellen, Hanh, Bonnie, Lyn B and all others in the path of Frances, I offer hope that all will be well when the storm passes.

To all others here, my thoughts are with you, too. If you are in crisis, I pray for you to find peace, and if you have happiness around you, I pary it will stay with you forever.

Be well.

Jill and Claire, my prayers are with you during this time. Here at PC it's a place where you Can share what's on your heart, and we'll do what we can.

Love to all,
Maile

Jill You can vent anytime you want. We are here for you. Take one day at a time. Have you thought about getting into a support group? I'm sure there are some in your area.

I know about not sleeping well. I also have a problem with that. I will get sleepy, go to bed and sleep maybe an hour or two and then I am wide awake, and can't get back to sleep. I get up and have some "Sleepytime" tea.

You and Claire have been put on my prayer list.

Claire, I share your grief and know what you are going through. My dog Gizmo died in the night and I feel a loss too. He was 16 years old.

Take care, love & peace.
Marge

Dearest Claire

My heart-felt sympathies for your loss. I've lost three husbands and the last was due to an automobile crash that put me in a wheel chair. Words are somehow never enough.

Jill, my heart goes out to you. I received my test results a few days ago and my doctor has informed me that I have only a few months left to live and I've returned to Carmel and Pebble Beach to be with family. Some of my family are participating in the Junior and Senior golf events at Pebble Beach this weekend. To make matters worse my darling poodle Madison that I've had for thirteen years, got out of the house last night and was run over by an automobile. Be strong.

Grandma Mil thankyou for the offer of sending me your South Beach diet book. I wish that I would be around long enough to use it. Hope you are all safe in Florida.

Spivey, you have been an inspiration for me. How is your health?

Paul, what projects do you have coming up? How did Annie Get Your Gun go?
Bless all
Granny Karla

Dearest Claire

My heart-felt sympathies for your loss. I've lost three husbands and the last was due to an automobile crash that put me in a wheel chair. Words are somehow never enough.

Jill, my heart goes out to you. I received my test results a few days ago and my doctor has informed me that I have only a few months left to live and I've returned to Carmel and Pebble Beach to be with family. Some of my family are participating in the Junior and Senior golf events at Pebble Beach this weekend. To make matters worse my darling poodle Madison that I've had for thirteen years, got out of the house last night and was run over by an automobile. Be strong.

Grandma Mil thankyou for the offer of sending me your South Beach diet book. I wish that I would be around long enough to use it. Hope you are all safe in Florida.

Spivey, you have been an inspiration for me. How is your health?

Bless all
Granny Karla

Jill wrote:
"I HATE THIS!!!!!! I hate that my life has been taken from me. I mourn for the woman I used to be, that I'll never be again - even if I beat him into a different state or across the globe. She's gone. Dead. When will the new me be real and firm and ME?

I'm sorry. You don't need to hear this."
==============================
Dear Jill,

Sounds like you are in the eye of the storm right now ... you weathered the first half, are in the relative calm of the eye, and are bracing yourself for the second assault. Being a teacher means that you have been in charge of helping children and now something else--the Beast--seems to be in control of your life.

I cannot say that I know what it is like to have chemo, but I can relate to hating certain places in a hospital because of the memories it brings back of past treatments. I may not know you, but I can relate to your fear of the unanswered questions. I have health problems that, at times, have kept me in limbo waiting for results.

I am glad you shared your burden with us because it helps to lighten up your load a little bit. If there is someone who won't mind your sharing your feelings is Paul. He is someone who has weathered quite a few storms himself, and I think you either know or sense that, and felt it was safe to do it here. You will find that there are plenty of shoulders here to help you carry your load, so, please, don't feel guilty about allowing us to help you. :-)

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray, most of all, that God will help you conquer the Beast and push it away completely. I also pray that you recover the woman you used to be, but still retaining the wisdom acquired by the experiences of the woman who weathered the storm and stood tall at the end of it.

I love music, so I find a lot of comfort in songs and one that comes to mind is "You'll Never Walk Alone," hope you don't mind my sharing it with you.

When you walk through the storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone.

Sendind comforting hugs,
Nertha

Hi guys,

Speaking of thoughts and prayers, mine are with Grandma Mil and all our PCers in Florida. I have been following the live newscast online at the WFTV (in Orlando) web site. They said that the eye made land around the Palm Beach area, so our Grandma and Ellie are having a rough time right now.

I have relatives in the Orlando and the Cape Coral areas and they were hit hard by Charley, so these areas are getting a double wham. Last time Grandma Mil, Julie, and the others were spared, but not such luck this time. Please, pray for all of them.

Good night everyone,
Nertha

We're okay here, dear PCers, in the Pompano Beach area. It's 5:00 a.m. Sunday, and the computer is working, the electricity has not gone out in our "village" of 10,000, but the gusting winds are the only problem now, at 36 mph, but maybe during the day they will diminish.

I spoke to Beth Ellen, and she's fine, but I couldn't get Julie on the phone, and we feel she may have left her home in the Ft. Lauderdale area for safer quarters...call Grannie, Julie!

Hurricane Frances has moved through West Palm Beach and regions north amd west, and will continue to torture millions in that area, as it continues its slow journey. I pray for Joan and Hanh, and everyone in its path.

My prayers also for Jill and Karla. Many have prayed for the safety of Ellie and me, and they have been answered, so perhaps I can return the gesture in kind.

Ellie goes to synagogue each Saturday, and when the special prayers for those in need are made, he will add the names of our friends here on PC.

God bless, everyone!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Thank G-- that you and Ellie are alright, Grandma Mil! From what I saw online on WFTV it sounds like my relatives should be OK, too. I guess you guys will have rain for some time, since the storm is moving so slowly.

Stay safe and get some rest!
Hugs,
Nertha

Trying to catch up with the posts ...

Claire,
My sympathies on your husband's passing. Thoughts and prayers going your way.

Karla,
Extra strength prayers and thoughts for you, dear. Did you get a second opinion? It's always a good idea. Thinking of you.

Welcome to the Newbies to the group and a big hello to all the PCers.

Stay safe.
Nertha

I wish there was a way for all of you that are suffering to feel the very real connection we've made here. Remember that we have loads of energy, time, and love that we're willing to share. Use us as needed, we're here for you.

I won't pretend to say I understand your circumstances because I've yet to experience them. I can tell you that I struggle with fear. It's something that I have to monitor constantly.

Last December I was really rolling with anxiety. I won't go into why, just know that it had been going on for a while and I was angry. Sick of it! I decided to take a nap and try to calm my mind. As I lay there, I yelled (in my head) at the Universe. I wanted a sign, anything to tell me what to do, how to live, what to think! I couldn't sleep, so I went on-line and checked in at this site.

Here is the message that I read:

"I use today, and when it is spent I give it up freely. I lay my head on a soft pillow and dream the yesterdays that were today. The tomorrows are all evenly in place in a row. The tomorrows come one at a time. I take tomorrow and place it for today, and when it is spent I give it to yesterday.

My yesterdays are many now, and each one holds beautiful memories. Gone are Dad, Mom, and four of my brothers. I go to the yesterdays and think lovingly of what I once had.

I cultivate today and nurture all with love. And celebrate life with new friends. LIVING frees you, your mind, and spirit. Fear closes you in a big dark box."

The man who wrote that was named David Armitage. As far as I know, he's never been back. He may have been an angel, because he said things I really needed to hear.

On that same day, my dear Mary reminded me of Desiderata. The lines that say, "Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and lonliness."

Forgive me if the quotes aren't verbatim. I copied them from my journal.

Please, please, come here and talk. I know these are just words, but they are written with much love and concern.

Wishing you Love and Light,
Michelle

I'd like to second what Michelle has expressed so well in her post. Anyone who needs it will find sincerity and genuine concern here.

And Michelle, thanks for all the times when your words have lifted me. They are many.

I hope as I write that things are quietening down in Florida and that Millie and all the others are safe and well.

Love to all tonight,
Mary

My prayers and sympathy go out to all who are suffering. May your God bless you and give you strength.

Bless you all for your kind words. If cancer taught me anything, it taught me that the world is full of kind, giving, loving and generous people. It's a lesson I learn over and over.

I do want to emphasize that on a day by day outward appearance I handle it all very well, but deep down the sadness is there. I need to let it out at times.

Today is a good day. My son turns three. I was watching him play with his new Mighty Crane Tonka truck outside. I couldn't believe that three short years ago I was holding him for the very first time. My baby is growing up. As any of you with children know - it's a joy to see them gain independence, but sad to see them move away from you. Of course I also thought about last year at this time when I was within days of starting chemo. I had begged them to let me start after Matthew's birthday. I'm working hard on not letting thoughts of cancer invade every happy memory. I know it's not healthy. Over and over again I give those negative thoughts and fears over to God and again focus on the good and love in my life. I have two beautiful children, a husband that loved me more over the past year than I have a right to even believe, a job I adore (I teach 7th grade), and dumb but sweet dog and friends that didn't leave me during treatment. I guess that's a good life right? :)

Take care everyone and again thank you all. It's nice to be here and read about things not related to cancer.

I hope everyone in Florida is doing okay!

Always-

Jill

Jill, way back on September 3 when the hurricane was threatening, I wrote: "Chin up, (stay dry), and think wonderful thoughts" which you have been doing, all along, to your credit.

As a former teacher, I know how difficult it can be sometimes, when our thoughts are elsewhere, but we go on, with the strong desire to bring light and joy into the lives of our students, and then, to our families also.

You are indeed a loving and special young woman, and deserve all the blessings that you enjoy, such as a loving husband, beautiful children, marvelous old friends, PC new friends, and yes, 7th graders, that obviously adore you!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Jill- I am very very sorry about the loss of your husband. I love my husband dearly and just the thought of losing him brings me to tears. My prayers are with you and yours and may God give you the courage to carry on without him.

Granny Karla- I am jumping up and down with joy to hear that you are safe. I know how stressful these dreadful hurricanes are and one such as Frances that is staying around for such a long time. I remember Fran well as the winds sounded like a freightrain for hours and we at the end endured 10 tens with no power. It really brought out the camper in me on the bright side. The comradery of the neighbors was indeed a wonderful side effect of the storm. Lots of friends were made out of that difficult time.

Karla- I am sooo sorry to hear about your illness. I would definitely get those second, third and fifteenth opinion if necessary. On top of all of that the loss of a pet must be almost unbearable for you at this time in your life. I had a horrible experience with my little teacup maltese Pepe'. He only weighed four pounds and I had let him outside to play in our fenced in back yard untended for just a short while. I heard a terrible shriek and horrific sounds coming from the backyard and rushed outside to an awful sight. A hawk had swooped down on my dear little Pepe' and had wrapped its talons around him and .....well I can't tell the rest as it is too painful. Not a pleasant way to lose a pet and something you would never dream could happen. I still can't bear to look at his toys and little outfits that I made for him..

Kelly- It sounds like you are doing better. I noticed that you seemed happy about the game that your son Clay played. I hope that you took some great pictures too. My thoughts and prayers are still with you.

This is a quote from Franklin D. Roosevelt:
"The only limit to our realization of tommorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith."

I hope that this gives some inspiration for those of you that are having hard times right now.

Spivey- you have made yourself scarce again. I hope that you are well I miss your quick wit and sense of humor..Please get on again soon.

Nertha, I love your posts and always enjoy what new things you have to offer to our gatherings here.

The nasty hurricane missed us this time, but there is always another one around the corner. I hope they all dissappear in the Atlantic the rest of the season... Too much stress and worry.

Paul, I wish you and your family the best and was wondering what is next on your agenda? Also, what has been your favorite thing or what has been your greatest accomplishment in life thus far?

Hugs all around the board,

Bonnie

Granny Mil!! I accidentally put Karla's name in place of yours...don't know where my head is at lately. Have had a bad head cold so my thinking is gone astray.

Also I made another boo boo...I remember Fran well as the winds sounded like a freightrain for hours and we at the end endured 10 tens with no power. (I meant 10 days.) Wow, my head is not on my shoulders today!! lol

Bonnie the forgetful one...

Bonnie, darlig, you were obviously having a MM ( (Millie Moment) and you are excused, for this hurricane business can drive us all to distraction!

Ellie and I were able to get around in our car this a.m., and ended up at the local supermarket, which was open, but selling only canned and boxed food only.

All the fresh and frozen food was being thrown out, for the electricity in the store failed during the storm. In the meantime, in our village, we had minimal outside damage, and the electricity stayed on.

Now, a new hurricane, called "Ivan" (The Terrible) is charging towards Hispanola and other islands in the Caribbean, and we'll know by the weekend if we will again be a target...stay tuned!

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

Bonnie, it's a term of endearment, and it's DARLING, so who's having a MM now??

Peace and Love,

Gran Mil

So many in need of prayer's and a lifting of spirits, so many here to fill that request. Bless you all!

Glad to hear that the Florida faction of PCer's have survived another of mother natures devils. Hopefully you will have time to regroup and restock before Ivan decides where he will head next. (DH would want to stock up on canned smoked oysters, yuck!!!)

BIL/SIL in Tampa had 65mph winds and have been without electricity since the 3rd and have a 6 month old baby. They managed just fine per BIL, I worry about clean fresh water.

Living so far inland in West Texas, we don't have to worry too much about hurricanes, we did have a big one hit Galveston/Houston area back in the early 80's and we got the rain out of that, 14 inches in 48 hours, lots of flooding, too flat out here and no where for that kind of water to go. We have had lots of storm drainage systems implemented in the last 3 years so those area's flooded in the 80's are pretty safe, it's the new additions that have had trouble when the playa lakes fill up.

I have son and DIL in the New Orleans area and found out this week end that they will not be evacuating if there is a storm headed their way. DIL has taken the position of head of Security and Safety for one of the big hospitals on the east side of NO. Now I will really worry about them.

Have things to do before bed.
Stay safe, watch the weather.
Hugs to all.
Sherrlyn

Hello to all from So. Florida!

Yes, I made it through Frances with no power outage or damage which is more than I can say for my parents in Leesburg (west of Orlando). They had 4 big pine trees down, one of which hit the house and broke in half! They did not have much damage to the house, just a small leak. They still do not have power and cannot get water. I told them to come down if they needed to.

Jill and Granny Karla, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I worked in a hospital for many years and was in contact with many patients. One thing I learned from them was to take one day at a time, deal with the things that you can handle and leave the rest to the Higher Power. Things will be taken care of. Be at peace with yourself. We are here for you!

Kelly, it sounds like you are doing better! You go girl! We're right behind you!

Grandma Mil, glad you did not lose power! My thoughts were with you and Ellie. I'm glad you called!

Julie, are you ok?

Warm thoughts to everyone else in PC.

Beth Ellen

Hello All!

I just recieved a call from our dear Grandma Millie askig if I was ok. I promised her that I would post today and let you all know that I'm doing alright.

Yes the house is in one piece (except for some screens in the patio) and the electricity and water are working. Where I am in Fort Lauderdale we only got some feeder bands and the only crises came was when the electricity was out for two days. The first day without it wasn't to bad since we still had some nice cool breezes and it was overcast. Yet, yesterday when the hot sun came out and the mosquitoes reappeared things got pretty miserable. People in the neighborhood were wondering around asking eachother if they knew if and when we would have electricity again. The one house that had a generator however is the man we call our "local redneck" the house has barely stood for years, has holes in the roof yet he has a generator. Go figure. But thank goodness the electricity came back on around 1pm yesterday, so I lowered the A/C, cleaned the house and took a nap to recover from the heat.

But during times of crises there is no reason to act uncivilized unless one is yelling at their spouse for bringing into the house every concievable tool skrewdriver, hammer, drills, and spreading them across the dinning room table and the kitchen counters. And of course gathing five LARGE pieces of tarp and putting them in the living room. I told him that if the hurricane was that bad (and we checked the weather report earlier that day and we knew our area was fine)no screwdriver would put our roof back together. We argued about it for about ten minutes until finally, our dear neighbor Guy saved my husband and I from our spat and invited us for dinner at his home.

Since Guy has a gas stove(which comes in very handy during situations like these) we cooked tomatoe basil pasta and I used whatever small leaves of basil that was left on my basil plant. Guy then took some coconuts from his yard, cracked them open, poured extra dark rum in them and we drank them with straws. We even sang the famous song about this special drink...

He put the rum in the coconut
He put the rum in the coconut
He put the rum in the coconut
And he drank it all up...

After our soire my husband sleept on the couch till noon the next day and so I managed to quietly put the tools and tarp back in the shed and have some seblance of a comfortable living space.

But if anyone in our neighborhood had bad luck it was the millionaire boyfriend of my dear neighbor on the next street over. His $20,000 security system proved useless when the electricity went out in his upscale part of town. Normally, only way to get back into his house after its secure is to press a button on his keychain so when the electricity went out he had no way to get back into his house for two days. His parents, earlier that week, came to stay with him from West Palm Beach brought their small dog who after an extensive walk in the neighborhood decided to do a number one on his $10,000 Oriental Rug. And the grand fanali, he got a traffic ticket for not obeying the four way stop rule when traffice lights are out.

If any lesson was learned during the hurricane it would be that in a crises situation it may be better to be a "redneck" than a "millionare".

Hope all my Florida Buddies are safe!

Take care all,

Goodness! After rereading my posts I realized something. I sound like a huge downer! I know it's okay to let these feelings out, but I also know that's not the way to live. While supervising a study hall (hate them!) I came up with a to do list for my life. Wanna hear?

Own and play the piano again
Go to Australia (sorry Paul not for you - I've wanted to go since I was young)
Do one thing a year that scares me
Take guitar lessons
Start a website for moms with cancer
Always have a dog ( I have a Bichon now)
Paint - even it I suck at it
Write everyday. I used to write all the time. I
wrote my first poem in ages the other night. A doozy about making love to my husband!!! Wow where did that come from!

There's more, but that is some.

Time to kick myself in the ass and get on with the life I've been given.

Jill

Hey I love Merlot - any suggestions for some good ones?

Jill! I loved your post! Yeah, a to do list is a cool idea because it gets you thinking about living and what a gift that is. Your list is wonderful. I like writing, too. It's on my list.

I have to say I'm much more a beer drinker than wine, but I was in Whole Foods the other day and saw a huge display of Fat Bastard Merlot! I had to have a look, of course I thought it was some reference to Austin Powers. The wine is made by Thierry and Guy, if my memory is correct, and someone told me they thought it was quite good. That's the extent of my Merlot knowledge! Happy Hunting!

I'm glad to hear all of you from Florida are doing okay. Sorry you've had to go through the storm.

Love to all,
Michelle

Wow...so much going on. Claire, you may have already "signed off" but know that my prayers are with you. Jill, such an excellent list -- you did not come across to me as a "downer"; you came across as someone with a heavy load and your list certainly shows how you are planning to adjust that load to make yourself stronger. I especially liked the point about always having a dog. Couldn't agree more. I have a 100 lb Lab and there are tons of dogs in my neighborhood, including a Bichon who looks exactly like the Bichon in Shrek 2! Grandma Mil, Thank God, you and the rest of our Floridians are safe. My "big" complaint is the blasted heat wave we're having out here in Northern California and, boy, is that a paltry complaint!!! Hang in there everyone. Autumn is just around the corner...a new season! Best, Jennifer

Greetings to all. I'm glad to hear that everyone made it through Hurricane Frances safely.

Erika Crystal,
I remember seeing your name in some of the previous threads, but haven't seen any posts from you lately. Anyway, hello to you.

Bonnie,
Hope all is well with you. How is you diet going? I've been quite busy lately and have also been having some technical problems with my internet provider so I haven't been on-line for a few days. Think it's all sorted out now, at least I hope it is.
I'm glad you weren't affected by the hurricane this time.
BTW, if you really want to know about "He Who Must Not Be Named" then you can email me directly and we can talk. I usually download threads to be read off-line later as I have time. I believe that I still have the one in question cached on my computer. You can make up your own mind from reading it if you like.

Nertha,
Good to read your posts. Did you make it through the RNC relatively unscathed? What amazing miniature masterpiece are you working on now? And, did you find out about the Karaoke Sea Chanties yet?

Karla,
I really don't know what I can say to you. I, like everyone, have (and have had) my share of ailments, trials and tribulations. However, compared to your recent news, everything else pales into insignificance.

You say that I have been an inspiration to you. I thank you, but I don't know how to accept such praise. For it is you Dearest Karla that, though being faced with this ultimate journey into the unknown and yet still offers concern, comfort and support to others who is truly inspirational. I am humbled in the presence of such a soul as yours.

As pointed out here before, doctors are only human and prone to mistakes or misdiagnosis.
Probably the most useful thing I have to offer you at this point is to merely repeat the wise advice already given by Nertha and Bonnie--seek as many other opinions as you can.

I have no knowledge of how long you have been dealing with whatever it is that afflicts you, or where you are in preparation for this "journey". It's good that you are able to be amongst your loving family now. Hopefully they help give you the strength to "fight the good fight".

My thoughts are with you and cannot be expressed better than as expressed by Dylan Thomas:

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

--Spivey

Millie, Julie, Beth Ellen - relieved and glad to hear that you are all safe and well. Let's hope Ivan isn't all he's cracked up to be!

Robyn, it's good to hear from you.

Jill, great list. Wish lists are really uplifting. I love when something new strikes me and I add it to mine.
When you talked about your son's third birthday and his Tonka truck, you reminded of a photograph of my own son on his third birthday - lying on the ground surrounded by cars and trucks. I'm going to search it out. Thanks for triggering the memory.

Peter, hope all is well with you.

Diane, thinking of you.

Love to Paul & everyone here,
Mary

Hello and many hugs to my friends here at PC!

Glad to hear that all survived Frances. Now, the wait is on for Ivan The Terrible.....

A little over a year ago, I lost my faith in humankind. Through this website-my faith is gaining strength. I say this because without going into my story, I found out that there are others who are in pain and are working through their pain. Also, there is joy that has been shared here, too. So, if some of us consider this a healing website-so be it!! I found out that there are enough of us here to support and offer comfort when needed.

My husband and I are going for baby sonogram tomorrow. We'll hopefully find that our baby is healthy and whether or not it's a Bethany or a Martin!!

HUGS!
Abeth

Hi Everyone,

Just got my electric back, and I'm so grateful. I saw two movies today for the airconditiong. Actually, I really enjoyed both of them "White Chicks", and "The Notebook". Wow the "Notebook" was great and "White Chicks" gave me the laughs I needed.

Sounds like my Florida brethen did ok. I seemed to come out unscathed this time too.

I'm so glad for the electric and the phone. I can't tell you.

Take care everyone. May Ivan go take a hike.

Love and Blessings

Joan

Jill...Ah, Merlot, my favorite, too. Actually, in keeping with Paul's nationality, there are some excellent Australian Merlots. As a Californian, I am blessed with many, many excellent California Merlots to choose from. My all time favorite though is from a small Sonoma County winery called Ravenswood. It is SUPERB and not too pricey. You can find it at good wine shops AND, if you have a Club Beverages and More in your neighborhood, they may very well carry it. Pre-9/11, one could actually ship alcholic beverages interstate but there is a ban on that now; otherwise I'd ship you a bottle. Hope you can find it. Best, Jennifer

Hi all. Glad to hear our Florida folks did okay!

Michelle : Thanks for the suggestions on wine. I love to try new labels. I need to start a notebook to remember what I liked.

Jennifer: I remember the Bichon in Shrek too. We laughed so hard when we saw it. Whitman is similar to that one. Thanks also for the wine suggestion. I'll give it a try if I can find it. I've tried several of the Australian wines and loved most of them. I was telling my husband that I need a way to be able to have a glass of wine with dinner without having to open a whole bottle. I know I can use boxed wine, but it's not quit the same.

Mary: Glad you were reminded on that picture. I love watching my son play with his trucks.

Abeth: What did you find out in the sonagram? How exciting! I would love to have more children, but it's not practical now. Oh how I hate to be practical! Hope you and baby are healthy.
Also, thank you also for sharing about your struggles. It's interesting that we've both found here to find some faith in the people around us. Why here? Why are we all drawn here together? Paul, did you ever think this would come of you expressing your thoughts? That our lives would be touched this much and in such a personal way? Not just by you, but by all who come here? What a gift to give - given by all of you. Know that all of you are in my prayers each day. It's weird, I've only just begun to visit here, but after reading posts from the past, I feel I know you all. How can a few words on a screen make that happen? As an English teacher I have to point out that that is the power of words!

Karla- I'm sorry you are facing this journey. Too many women I know from my breast cancer board are facing what you are. It breaks my heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish I had more to offer.

Take care all

Jill

Peter, I could sure use a dose of your ever-expanding wisdom. What's up with you and your introspective self?

Evelyn, how's the job going? Do you like your new home and city?

Dhiana, I think you should pop in and shake us up a little bit, spread your Goddess goodness around.

Mary, a special hello and love to you.

Love to all here at PC. Life is good!

Be Well,
Michelle

Gran Mil!! - Oh my gosh, you are right. I definitely had a "Millie Moment"!. LOL It seems as if I have had a lot of those lately. I was just wondering how the follies are going and if you have had a lot of set backs because of it. If you get a chance and have some pictures of past Follies I would love to see them if you could get a chance to email them to me. Oh, by the way, I have lost 15 pounds now. I am so excited and have clothes that are hanging on me now. I am still adjusting to the new me in the mirror!!

Jill and Karla- I wish I had the power to heal both of you but that is just not the way of the Lord. Please be comforted by the fact that I have been praying for both of you to get well and recover.

Spivey- Your invite for me to email you is getting my curiosity up again. I think I shall take you up on that!! My diet is going just fantastic and I hope to lose at least 15 more pounds. I know that these last pounds are going to be the hardest yet.

Ivan the Terrible is out there waiting to pounce on some other poor souls. There has already been 9 lives taken by this monster. I hope that it breaks up and leaves the gulf and the southeast coast alone but I am afraid that is not going to happen.

Abeth- What has been the best help that you have received from this site healthwise? I am guessing that you mean the genuine caring of the people here. Am I correct on that assumption?

Paul, have you kept the weight off? Are you still following the guidelines that you set for yourself?

Good thoughts to you all!! and hugs around the board!

Bonnie

Hi, stopping in to say a quick “hello” it’s been a while, even my sister sent me an email last week and wondered why I hadn’t posted anything at PC in a while, esp now that Paul put up a new post and all. Well, I replied why hasn’t she ever posted anything??? Perhaps sometimes she replied. Still waiting sis! Anyhow, moving and starting a new job at the same time is stressful, exciting, overwhelming and many things get put on the back burner. Love my new home, now that it finally has become that after adding the personal touches and man, it’s absolutely fantastic to have space and lots of it, even so much that I’m not quite sure what to do with it all, believe me, no complaints. Love the new job as well, but am totally overwhelmed by all the new responsibilities and challenges, different work rhythm, all the things I’m supposed to know and don’t know yet, lots of adjustments going on, but my colleagues are incredibly nice and supportive and that really does make and brake it for me when it comes to work. Still very lonely, since I don’t really know anyone here yet, I’ve met some people, but developing friendships takes time, though believe me right now I wish it didn’t.
Hi Michelle, I think that answers your question. Thanks for asking. How are you doing? Don’t you guys have to sell your house and find a new one due to some sort of project that’s supposed to be built on that land? Am I remembering that correctly or is that someone else? I wish you well.

On to a round of Pilates and then I’m going to sit down and read this entire thread, haven’t done that, just glanced at the end and saw Michelle’s question.
Thinking of you and sending you all lots of love and happiness.
Evelyn

I'm so glad to know those of you in Florida are doing okay. My, what a time of it you've had!

I've had a bit of an exiting day myself, and not at all what I expected it to be.
My uncle is a helicopter pilot and he was hired by NASA to be on the retrieval team for the Genesis space capsule, and trained for over two years as one of two helicopters sent out to catch it mid-air as it came back to Earth. For any of you who have seen it on the news, you allready know that the parachute meant to deploy and slow it down failed to work. So, all of that excitement, expectation, and preparation went up in smoke when the capsule crashed into the ground.
So, today I have learned a lot about expectation and dissapointment. I was sitting in a room with all of these other family members, press agents, scientists, scholars and engineers, and I have never felt such a heavy cloud of emotion as I did in that room today. It gave me an incredibly keen sense of empathy for people who have endured similar and greater losses- of dreams and aspirations.
So, today has really made me think about the original topic of this thread. There is so much to learn along the way, and so much LIFE we are able to be a part of in the process. We often don't get to choose the outcome, and so we have to do what we can along the way, and do it knowing that each and every day is only as meaningful as we can make it.
Love-
Astrid

Well said Astrid.

Jill

Hellos and hugs to my friends here at PC!

The sonogram went well even though SHE was facing my back!! Yep-it's a girl-our third girl! We're all very excited!! It was way too cool to be able to see her-now I can't wait to see and hold her when she arrives in January!!

Bonnie-Yes, it was/is the genuine caring here. I have found that many here are quick to respond to those who are in need of comfort, kind words, encouragement, and support.

Jill-I was first drawn here because of my love for the movie "Strictly Ballroom". Then, I began to learn about Paul and others here and found a home. I don't always have the time that I would like (I'm at work) to post more but I do follow what's going on.

In short-I've had a long two weeks. I'm trying to adjust to a new schedule with my