Paul's Corner

Reading your post about moving and change, made me stop and count how many times I've moved in the last 22 years: 10 times, including 2 countries, 2 continents, 3 different US states and 6 different cities and I"m not counting summer research trips to different locations here. :) It's an interesting life, packing up, leaving friends and family behind and moving on, sometimes really tough to start from scratch, but in terms of growth and new experiences it's a fantastic thing, I'm with you there, but that kind of growing can also happen if you are in one place for a long time. I have a lot of friends in very many places, that's the great part and it's interesting with whom you manage to maintain a friendship over geographical distance. We all have different life journeys and I think this is what makes life interesting. Change is inevitable, the important thing for me is how I respond to it: can I face the anxiety that change may bring, the insecurity, the excitement? Am I willing to go along with it and grow?

By the way, happy moving! I'll probably do that in a year or so too, when I plan to buy my first house. Currently working on finances, as well as the list of what are must haves, what are negotiables, what are absolutely nots.

Can imagine the gypsy spirit spurring the move. Sounds like a great home with the planned woodstove and whole roasted goat and baked bread. And despite having moved 10 times in around 20 years, you have Andrea and the girls. So you thrive with change but are constant and dedicated in your most impt relationships. Also the travel as an actor and artist must be an experience enough to fill a book. I also had around 20 moves in that time frame, except the last 10 years I have chosen the city I am in as I love it and I found someone (though not married to him) who also loves this city and love this place a lot. This is the longest I have been in a city as an adult and think of staying but can see where visiting or living in somewhere remote like Tasmania, ChristChurch or the Antartic may be worth a try or also the far reaches of the Alaska.
Love the idea of alcoholic cider from your apple tree.

Grandma Mil, I'm happy to hear the surgery went well. :D

I've moved 20 times in the past 19 years. Does that put me in the lead? LOL

Paul, I'm all in for the cider. :D

All is well here. Mina is entirely too wild tonight... chances are she'll keep us awake a bit longer. Right now she's batting an ice cube around the kitchen floor. LOL

You're on a journey Paul. An awesome journey. Enjoy it and follow your heart, as you always do. I love it and I'm a bit jealous. I've always had the lust for change and travel but circumstances landed me where I am now, and I don't regret it for a minute. I've been in Colorado since 1993 and it's been where I belonged, although, some of the years were not easy. I look back on the not so easy years and don't think they were really that hard all in all, but while going through them, times definitely did not feel easy. I am happy that I stayed here, even though my family is not here. Is that weird? Why would I be happy with no one to cling to? I wonder about this, as I see that I may have to let go of my sister before I am ready. I have never been good at letting go, so sometimes I think that I unconsciously landed myself where I would be alone. hmmm. I say enjoy the fact that you share a life with a wonderful woman and the beautiful children who are on this journey with you!

OMG, Paul, Dont feel it is different to move every 4 years. Whatever is best for your family is best for you. You obviously thrive as a family no matter how many times you move.

As for change, I fear change soooooooo much. I have taken most of my placement test to get into Davenport University, I found out tonight I have 12,000 in grants and financial aid per year, OMG. I am looking into going to a trade school for Medical administration and be certified in 8 months as apposed to 2 years for an Associates degree.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am out of a job come September so the financial aid looks good so I can keep my house, so its the Associates degree 2 year program, but the 8 month program will be done quicker and I can make good money quicker but I will probobly lose my house by then. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

EVELYN, reading and writing went well but algebra is tommorrow. puke, puke. ahhhhh

We have moved 4 times in 23 years. 2 years,7 years, 11 years and currently 3 years.

What a journey my family has been on..... The last 2 years especially. At least we are still together.

Grandma Mil, I am glad you are ok.

Love to all,

Kelly

Kelly the thing of it is - you do know what to do you just have to listen to your heart and not your head.

Good luck and I am glad to see you being grateful for what you do have.

Congratulations Kelly!

Kelli, as long as you don't puke on the actual exam or in front of the examiner ... you should be fine. Believe me, if you did either, that won't put the grader into a good mood and could backfire on the results you want. -- OK, kidding!

& Paul is right, you know what to do, just listen to your heart and you will find the direction to go in, you may have to wait a bit for that to reveal itself, but it will happen. The key is, can you wait for that to happen in a relaxed and happily anticipatory way? or are you going to stress out about it, worry and be miserable in the meantime? Believe me, I know how tough that is, working on that every day, making that choice to see the goodness and not the faults or what I perceive of as negative.

And congrats on the financial aid!!!!

I'm going to take things easy today, have a post-surgery splitting headache and am thankful that I can work from home and rest when I feel the need for it.

Kelly, good luck on your exam and making the right choice.
Evelyn, it hurts to think about a headache after the operation. Hope you are feeling better.

Hey all!!!!!!!!!

Paul, thanks for the kind words, and you were right, I listened to my heart and..........

I GOT IN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got a 99% on my writing and 95% on my reading.

I had to blow the last 8 questions as they were getting ready to close. I am retaking them both and going for 100%. If I can raise my score 4% I can get in the next harder class. It will be the second to the highest the University offers. Wahooooo!

Evelyn, thanks for the encouragement, I appreciate it and I did make it all the way through without throwing up. I did cry like a baby when I was leaving, my son came with for support and he hugged me soooooooo hard and told me how proud he was of me. It felt so good.

I got 76% ON PRE-ALGEBRA and I faliled ALGEBRA. yuk! but I got in!!!

Evelyn, what surgery? What did I miss? Your feet? What did I miss?

Love to all

Thanks for all the support!
Kelly

Hey all, Did I mention that I was a clooege student? Hey how is everyone...... I forgot to tell you... I am a college student,,,,, ummm what did I forget to tell you.............. I can't remember... oh, yeah that's right....

I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT !!!!!!!!! HAHA....

Just never gets old.... I have waited 23 years. It finally happened.

Ok, I will shut up now.

Love to all my PC buddies and spiritual advisors.

Peace out!

Kelly

I guess I better learn how to spell college before I get there.

Congrats, College Student Kelly! Enjoy it, ok?

I'm feeling more like a human being again today, still tired and sore, but far less than the past few days, definitely healing! This was just the first of 4 (possibly 5) of these surgeries on my head (sparing you the details ...), but the worst one is now behind me, that is if the tests come back as benign which is the doctor's educated guess at the moment. The foot is also healing, slowly, the cuts and bruises on my legs and arms are fading and I've recovered from swine flu. The last three weeks have been tough healthwise and I hope that this is the end of it. Hopeful! :)

Hope this finds you happy and enjoying life!

Evelyn,

What's wrong woth your head? Beside the vast knowledge it holds, what's going on?

Kelly

That's a loaded question, Kelly ... :) I'll send you a personal message explaining the 'status of my head' [can't believe I just typed that, but then laughter & humor are the best medicine.]

Evelyn, I look forward to your message, and I have been wondering about the "status of my head" for years. haha

Kelly

Hi Kelly Good Luck in School--make sure you look at the grants versus scholarship loans as the debt can really add up over the time of the loan. It must be an exciting time.

Evelyn, I too would like to know the status of your head. Inside and outside. Liz.

I was able to watch the DVD "Life's Burning Desire" In it Paul talks about his work at ACE (Australian Choreographic Ensemble) and shows a lot of dance that he has choreographed and his wife Andrea also was codirector. Great film--I highly recommend it. Paul you are a genius. It is the kind of film that astonishes you. Go see this film. A clip can be seen in the dance section here but you have to see the whole DVD. Cat has notes on how to find this DVD.

Cant stop talking about this film--Graeme Murphy describes Paul as "very charismatic on stage when he performs...he has a liquid quality when he moves...I like the way he can do certain movements softly but he can also be very dynamic and do some very strong movements."

Don't take my word for it, go see this movie.
In it is a portions of a dance that Paula nd Andrea did to the music of Kraanerg. A superb film showing Paul and his artistic genius.

Artistic genius!!???!?!? Gosh....it has been a while since my name has been linked to that statement. Thankyou Liz for your comments - the best thing is that you have enjoyed it!

I made that doco in 1992 as part of the start up for my ballet company ACE. I intended doing more of that type of work and film but kind of got sidetracked into the acting and the rest they say is history. We made this film at the same time as I launched ACE and Strictly Ballroom premiered in the cinema - it was a very hectic, creative and dramatic time in my and my young family's life.

I miss that side of me - not the dancer but the choreographer - I have always loved choreographing and I think had a gift with it. I havent choreographed for a long time and like riding a bike I could get back up and get into it but I think too much time has passed for me and in the same way that I could never dance like I used to I am not so sure I could choreograph like I used to either. Not that it matters there is no work for me in that area any way.

Such is life and the journey goes on.

Yes Evelyn I am intrigued about the continueing travels and adventures of your head?? You may need to write us a story.

I really enjoyed your film! In the same way that Strictly Ballroom makes one watch it over and over and over, and I am sure viewers know what I mean, this film of yours has that quality but to a much higher degree. You really are connected with a creative force when you perform before the camera be it in dance or in your current show. Not that you are performing like making an effort; I think it just happens and it is not forced.

The choregrapher and dancer in you still shows unexpectedly even in Mercurio's Menu when you're leaping into the grass, running to gather fruit in the tropical jungle or surfing on the beach--what other cooking show can do that?!!! In addition to us learning about recipes and local produce, we get this kinetic bursts of energy here and there. Cant wait for the next series. Thanks for all that you do.
Also waiting for Evelyn's status report of her head.

The head is currently boykotting your efforts :)

The more you are silent the more curious I get about what's going on with your head, Evelyn.

With the term artistic genius, that is indeed an apt description, Paul. The creative force that is you does not really go away; in time it will surface again. I do not think you can suppress it -- it will come and demand expression, in what form, we will know once you are ready, Paul. As I have said over and over, in this site, to the PCs, prepare to be astonished...

which part, the inside or the outside part of my head, Liz? I'm very curious about the inside of my head too :)

Well, I just got a call from the clinic and the verdict is: benign! (that would be relating to the outside of my head) Makes me VERY happy!

I love that documentary too!

OK, OK, I will write the story about the status of my head soon, I really do need to finish the article revisions so that I can send it off from publication (actually consideration of publication by an academic journal) [so this is one thing that would fall under the status of the inside of my head :)]

The Status of My Head (by EM)

Once upon a time, there was a head. It had an inside and an outside. Generally speaking, they both like each other, but at times they mess with each other and fight, but not too often. Naturally, the head was attached to a body and the outside head communicated to the inside head that it was a nice looking body. Since this was a positive message, the inside head decided to believe the outside head. The inside head is always very busy, thinking, problem solving, working through things, trying to understand things, processing way too much information, conjuring up silly things to do, plotting surprises, trying to understand its complex emotions and feelings that cover a very wide range from bliss to anger, to hurt, to joy, to frustration, to anxiety, to silliness, to happiness and frequently all of these things at the same time. This is when things get complicated for the inner head and much of this also shows on the outside head, be that through smiles, frowns, tears, fury or laughter. Lately, so much has happened at once that the inside head felt as if it was about to explode. Some part inside the head is trying to calm the tumultuous thoughts and relieve stress through a process that that inside overheard the outside head refer to as meditation, through letting go and accepting that which is and cannot be changed and finding the courage to change that which can be changed. The inside head finds the stilling of the mind a lot of hard work and sometimes it just doesn’t know what to do with all the energy and emotions, so it just pushed it out onto the outside head leaving it quite lumpy. The outside head is quite enraged and furious about the lumpiness of its formerly much smoother surface and it challenged the inside head to take the lumps back inside, but the inside head was unable to do so very much to the even greater annoyance of the outside head. A hand decided to count all the lumps that had popped up on the lovely scull of the outside head, at last count, it came up with 13. Distressed by that finding the body took both the inside and outside head to a doctor, whatever that may be. The first doctor thought the sheer number was rather striking and sent the body and its head to a specialist. The specialist in turn said, that maybe 1 or 2 lumps is normal, but 13?!? She was quite concerned and decided to take a very close look. A few weeks later, when the body decided to make an appearance with the specialist, she pricked two of the lumps several times, who then went numb and then they had the nerve to cut the outside head and poke around on it and inside of it and they took the lump away, which the specialist referred to as a cyst, again whatever that may be. Doesn’t anyone use normal language and words anymore?!? then they put some bluish thin stuff into the area where they messed around with the outside head and pulled it very tight. That hurt for several days and caused both the inside and the outside head severe headaches, but thankfully that has passed by now. The outside head is a bit annoyed by the violent affront on its being, but decided it would be better to simply heal and is currently focusing on that and hoping that the weird blue things will go away soon. Both the inside and outside head overheard, that more of the same procedures are to follow. Sounds painful! the outside head, though focusing on healing in order to survive, is kinda pissed at the inside head for getting it into this position in the first place and I’m sure will argue its point quite pointedly with the inside head, who in turn will contemplate it for a very long time and dissect the arguments from the outside head and analyze them from every possible perspective, either trying to settle or win the argument or being forced into a meditative calm about it.

Just read this on your FB Evelyn. What a great spin on how our insides work, or refuse to work, with our outsides. Very compelling and I am so glad you are in harmony with your inside and outside head, and are going to try to marry them so that they can co-exist better moving forward! Love it!

Evelyn, I had to read the story over to sort out the warring heads and thought, should I be taking sides. The head is so conflicted and divided. Maybe theinside mind needs to be freed and let go--it needs to laugh like you are doing now with this great story. I am intrigued at your explanation of how the cysts came about like the inside erupting on the outside, but at times the body goes through changes and the mind cannot will it not to. The body is a fleeting entity; the mind does not think so but it is. Wishing you a good recovery.

Liz, this is of course in part fictionalized, but it seemed to make sense (at least at the time for the outside head...) that this is how the cysts came about. I thought it was quite funny-this really was almost stream of consciousness type writing. I just sat down and started writing, didn't really think much about it ahead of time, just let it come out as it wanted to. Quite fun, actually! :) Medical proof for this 'theory' about the coming about of the cysts??? no clue, doesn't matter in that much right now anyway, but I do believe in the body-mind link and psychosomatic illnesses, which is why I will continue to focus on inner and outer healing together and embracing the good in my life, of which there is plenty! Thank you for your good wishes, Liz!

How are things with you?

I am doing fine Evelyn, thanks. Working on a project to start in the fall. Trying to be independent in terms of my work, trying to do my own thing which is freeing but it is harder bec I have to answer to myself. The mind body link is a mystery; learning to not let my mind take over as it sometimes gets too serious for me. Your story of the war of the heads is very good and I like the way the heads talk to each other--great story esp like the part where the body parts dragged each other to the doctor.

So you say you love the documentary Life's Burning Desire, so you have seen it already? I am amazed that I have not seen it up to this point. I think what made SB really outstanding was Paul, and in this documentary you see other aspects of him beyond being Scott in SB--his family, interests, creative work. And so I recommend it again to those who have not yet seen it.

I'll ask Cat to put clips here or better still, get the film from Ronin films and support this company that makes these DVDs available. (It costs more that the usual DVD but then you also pay for overpriced TV cable stuff that is no good and this DVD is outstanding.)

Evelyn, I loved the story and I am incredibly happy to hear "benign" Congrats!

Thanks, Paul! Recovery is going pretty well now. I just went for my first post surgery and post foot injury run, granted it was a shorter distance and a bit slower, but it felt sooooooo good!

The story is quite interesting in that I notice things now looking at it a few days later that are quite revealing to me, indicating some of the stuff I am working through and a somewhat changed attitude and of course it really felt good to write about something painful in a funny way, that in and of itself was freeing.

Liz, I know what you mean about how it is both freeing and challenging to answer to yourself. I do have big portions of my job like that too, esp. over the summer teaching break which is about the only real time we have for research. I think you will find your own way in that and thrive! best of luck to find your path and to pull it off!

Hey all!

I am back, unemployed and feeling sorry for myself. Partly because my summer job ended 2 months early and I am unemployed, and partly because my son turns 19 tommorrow!!!!!!!!!

My son is 19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For those of us that have been part of the PC family for years knew of Clay when he was a young teen. I can't believe he is 19. OMG I feel old!

Change, change, change, change.

There is a whol lot of change that has come my way lately, some good, some bad, but I will take it all and run with it. I have to trust that what needs to happen will happen and I have to leave it at that. The universe. I am definately going to project happy positive thoughts and that is what will come my way.

Evelyn, hope your head is healing, I have been thinking about you alot and wishing we could have been able to meet when you were in Kalamazoo. Next time for sure. Damn busy schedules. I feel so close to you spiritually and we were so close but could not meet. Doesn't seem right.

Off to bed,

Love to all,

Paul, I am sending special hugs and kisses to the girls and to you and Andrea as you continue to celebrate Lady's life and the love she gave to you all.

Love to all,

Kelly

Evelyn,

I too am quite intrigued by the mind/body connection and how illnesses come about. How can we explain the randomness of illness if not for something that is unseen and unexplainable? How can a person who appears to "not care" about the outside body,(which might be how we're supposed to feel)live to a ripe old age and vise versa..a person who doesn't appear to believe in emotionalizing everything, lives a very black and white life, gets sick and dies young or worse yet, lives a long life empty of connecting with others? I do believe that much of what we think and feel, whether consciously or unconsciously, sometimes manifests in ways that are quite unpredictable. I'm not a follower of the creed what we think and feel WILL manifest. Like I said it's random and we don't know why things happen the way they do. But I also do think that SOME of what we think and feel MAY manifest itself. So I guess it's just something to think about and not be so cavalier about, huh? I am speaking for myself here.
At any rate, I loved the story and I think you are on to something by connecting the inside with the outside. It's all about the balance. I think that's the answer. Maybe. Oye, I confuse myself so bad sometimes. lol.

This may partially explain why my sister didn't get or appreciate the story and why maybe I should not have tried to share this insight. Hmmmm. She is battling her cancer as if she can win or control it by sheer brute force energy. I say, more power to her, but I think she's missing something. Like I said, I find this so intriguing. For sure. I think FORCING one part of ourselves may make some other part rebel. This makes sense to me. I'm not saying that you CAUSED the cysts. It is really so random. I'm just thinking out loud.