Paul's Corner

Paul, I have actually been thinking about your brothers passing the last couple months, knowing his birthday is coming up and knowing the challenge of the feelings you always feel at this time of the year. I truley feel your pain more than ever right now with my Dad's passing. Although different circumstances, painful enough for me. I am so sorry you feel this dismay each year. It is hard the way he chose to leave this earth but the way left did not reflect the love I am sure he felt for you. I am sure he would want you to feel happy on his day of birth each year as he is in paradise now. I hope that I can come to peace soon for my Dad's passing.

He had another stroke and refused a feeding tube and chose to bow out on his own terms. He lasted 8 days with no food and tiny amount of water but he left on his own terms and rules and I guess in a way that is comforting.

Remember the love you felt and still feel for Michael. He is smiling down on you and still loving you from above.

I hope in some way these words comfort you. That was my intent anyway. Everyone was very comforting to me lately and I appreciated it very much.

I hope the family is doing well and Selby is well, too. Cant wait to see a new pic of him.

All the best to you.

Kelly

Paul I was trying to think of something to say to make sense of what has happened and nothing comes to mind--to take one's life means the person is convinced that life either has no meaning or has meaning but still he needs to leave this life...The suffering is so great that the only way to ease it is through death.
So even that action there was some hope that things will get better--so in a way it is an act of love for one's self to take one's own life so the suffering will then stop. This may not sound right to most but what I am saying is that to take one's life is a way to protect one's self but in a way that destroys what you are protecting. You still feel strongly about your loss and like you said the emotions never fade. Also you are almost the same age--were you born 9 months apart? You must have been very close to each other.

I take back my comments above as trying to make sense of such a painful act makes no sense. Reasoning through it to get at its meaning does not take away the pain of loss. It just is an emptiness; no amount of words can fill it. Thank you for letting us share his memory and you remembering him and knowing that he is missed.

I want to share a poem written by Gary Snyder the American poet about his friend Lew who committed suicide. The topic may be difficult for some PCers but there is truth to it(also editing as appropriate by Cat and Paul if needed)

For/From Lew

Lew Welch just turned up one day,
live as you and me. "Damn, Lew" I said,
"you didn't shoot yourself after all."
"Yes I did" he said,
and even then I felt the tingling down my back.
"Yes you did, too" I said—"I can feel it now."
"Yeah" he said,
"There's a basic fear between your world and
mine. I don't know why.
What I came to say was,
teach the children about the cycles.
The life cycles. All other cycles.
That's what it's all about, and it's all forgot."

Gary Snyder

Liz you are right with your first comment - in a very strange way it is an act of self love or in my brothers case it was. He wanted to end his pain not his life but in doing so he lost both. In the end he was still trying to save himself and that makes it all the more painful as we couldnt save or even help him.

Today is is the only day I spend much time thinking about his end and what ifs - I dont recognize his deathday only his birthday and in doing so I and my family also celebrate his life and his memory.

Kelly you have had a very hard time of it and no doubt it brings joy and pain in equal abundance. I am glad your father was able to go in the manner of his choosing - it certainly seems more dignified than suicide but perhaps it is one and the same at the end of the day.

Perhaps your Dad and Michael are having a beer and cigarette together - michael doesnt drink tea or coffee - and having a joke and laugh at us. I hope so.

Paul, have you ever wondered why suicide is so much more common these days than it was in the past?

You talk about suicide, as a product of fear, and its true. The problem for senstive people is that the world is run with "fear".

Weapons of Mass Destruction. Yeah right. You can write a book on it, I'm sure.

One of the reasons we homeschooled our children, is because even school life, is controlled by fear.

I put up with emotional blackmail aka fear, for my first 21 years, until the miraculous day when my body spectacularly rebelled and I became seriously allergic to all antibiotics available. My mother was beside herself.

Looking back, it was a miracle. My life had been tied into repeat infection, (not realising that antibiotics just makes you susceptible to bigger and worse infections) so yet more antibiotics.

After years of trashed guts, hives --- finally, my body gave out, my lungs collapsed and I don't remember much about the adrenaline injections. I just remembered being strangled and feeling like I was vertically taking off.

Much later, we discovered I had a primary immunodeficiency, which supposedly explained infections every six weeks for much of my life. With dour faces, the medical profession said, "There is nothing we can do for you - you must just take your chances."

I did. I changed my life; my diet and my outlook. Infections stopped happening. I survived!!! A few years later, when monthly injectable immunoglobulins became standard treatment, the doctors rushed back to me, saying, "You don't need to be scared. We can save your life now!"

I narrowed my eyes, and told them to stuff it. That was 30 years ago.

When I got pregnant, I was again threatened with all manner of dire consequences if I didn't do as I was told. "If you don't do this, your baby will die", and I said, "No, I'm no longer a slave to your fear."

As our children grew, the medical profession continued to play the fear card at every possible turn.

Our oldest was procociously intelligent, and we were given plenty of fear ridden messages about what he would be like, if we didn't get him under "control". Different fear laden admonishments were given about our youngest, who has a brilliant design mind, but is dyslexic.

One of my husband's jobs was driving the school bus in the mornings and afternoons. He had resigned after many years as a teaching principal, because he had got sick of the condoned, in your face, bad behaviour and bullying in the school grounds, which parents thought was the sign of being a strong bloke and quite okay. This bullying continued on the school bus as well. He watched it every day for forty something years.

Our children are his second family. His first wife died in the Erebus crash. Older, and wiser, he looked at how much in society is now "controlled" by fear, "don't climb the tree, you might fall - wear shoes you might get a splinter - don't do this, you might...." and decided that our children would be homeschooled.

I heaved such a sigh of relief.

We live in an age when "fear" is the main motivator. "Use this cream and you won't have to "fear" looking old." ... "Let us pass these laws to strip away your freedoms, and you won't have to "fear" Al Queda terrorists. Every week, something else is dragged in front of you to make you scared so that you will do whatever it is they want. If it's not terrorists, its eco-terrorists. It such a useful tool so politicians never stop using it.

Swine flu is supposedly a "panic" situation. Here you have a flu which kills far fewer than ordinary flu and suddenly it's a "pandemic"? But wait, there is more. "Next year will be the second wave which will kill you like 1918" Fear. You are told, "You must do this, or else you will die."

For some people (like me) anyone who tries to create fear in me, just brings out the bulldog in me. You could say, I'm immune. But for others, fear causes them to cave, and if it's relentless, I can understand why they want no part of this world.

We know fear first hand. Like other australians, our son has been through an Al Queda bomb, and a Tamil tiger one too.

Is it any wonder that some cannot find a peaceful niche in life? I can really understand why some just can't take it.

We can never walk in their shoes, and know just why it was they couldn't take any more of it.

But I too know what it's like to have a family member commit suicide, and sometimes I wonder if suicide is harder to cope with, because we wonder whether or not we missed something. Was there something we could have done to have prevented it?

Is the thing that keeps it raw, that we feel guilt?

I don't know, Paul. I know what you feel though.

Every day that rolls around, like you, I think about it. It doesn't hurt so much, but every time, I find myself thinking, "Was there something I didn't do, that I could have, had I understood properly, what the situation was?"

I reconcile myself to that, by using those thoughts, to make sure that I do everything possible for those alive in my family today, to keep them grounded, as happy as they can be, so that hopefully, I never have to ask myself those questions again.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

P.S. Loved your interview with Kathryn Ryan on Radio NZ yesterday. Very grounded. Very you.

Hilary.

You mention pain. That's a biggie. My grandfather, a very brave man, committed suicide under German occupation in the 2nd world war. They cut of pain relief drugs, and he couldn't cope.

I can relate. In 2006, for some unknown reason, I landed up on my back for six weeks in excrutiating pain, and did nothing but cry. to cut a long story short, the pain lasted nearly 18 months.

And me being me, most medication does things other than what they are supposed to do, so there will be no medication.

Why? No-one knows.

I've just had another two days of feeling the same, after a long spell pain free.

But I do know that pain is the one thing which is really hard to handle.

I only started to handle it "efficiently" when my relationship with Jesus got off the paper in front of me, and became a living thing, inside my very being; a one to one "telephone conversation".

Ironically it's now my pain that makes me closer to Jesus than anything else. And if I've been ignoring him for a while, sure as eggs, I'll get a dose of pain to remind me. It's like he's telling me I'm stubborn, and need to be reminded of priorities!

Hilary.

Hello again; I found poems that Paul wrote about his brother in the Poetry section

Legacy
and
for my brother

So PCs, new and old, here are the beautifully written poems, or go to poetry link above

http://www.paulmercurio.net/poetry/poetryarchives/000092.php

Thanks for the heads up, Hilary!

Here is Paul in a Radio New Zealand Interview:

http://www.radionz.co.nz/search?mode=results&queries_all_query=Paul+Mercurio

Thanks for the heads up, Hilary!

Here is Paul in a Radio New Zealand Interview:

http://www.radionz.co.nz/search?mode=results&queries_all_query=Paul+Mercurio

Paul on Good Morning TV; click on the video clip; see the fans in the background waving at the camera

http://au.tv.yahoo.com/the-morning-show/video/-/category/food/#fop

Paul on Good Morning TV; click on the video clip; see the fans in the background waving at the camera

http://au.tv.yahoo.com/the-morning-show/video/-/category/food/#fop

Thanks Cat for the Bulimba Mary Ryan's champagne breakfast book signing--that sounds the best ever event for a booksigning.

Paul, I'm a little behind here in my reading, but hugs and heartfelt thoughts to you and your family as you celebrate Michaels birthday and life.

I've mentioned before that my sister was bipolar and this illness was a difficult wall between us. She attempted suicide when she 19 and my mother found her comatose when she tried to wake her up for work in the morning. My parents called an ambulance and she was rushed to the hospital in time.

But it remained a difficult battle for her lifetime, and even then when she died it was from an overdose caused at a nursing facility. Even until that last day, her life was never fully her own. The disease owned her.

So my heart is with you.

Melody

HELLO PC FRIENDS,

This post touched me. See, I'm bipolar and have felt suicidal for a few months now. The doctor is doing what he can to help me with medication adjustments. It's a terrible disease that I can't believe I have to live with.

HUGS,
Abeth

Hello Abeth,

How are you doing now? We are always here at the corner I am relatively new (since 2008) to the site but am always around. So your doctor is adjusting the meds? How are you coping with it going on for a long period and are the changes helping? Liz

ANNOUNCEMENT PLS RESPOND ASAP

Sarah is organizing a bundled order for the Mercurio's Menu book; there is a great chance Paul may get to sign your copy for shipping to the US--cross your fingers. Sarah has been doing the legwork and making contacts; Please let her know ASAP so we can include you in the book count.

Contact her on Facebook.

Sarah will give more details soon.

A great chance???? get the books to me and i will sign them and then somehow we will get them to you!

Abeth - wow thanks for sharing and as pithy as it seems to me to be saying I only ask that you hold hope for without that one gets lost. I cannot to begin to truly understand what it is you are going through I only hope that you get through it, survive it, beat it?? at least by living in the face of the tidal wave that must overwhelm you at times. Remember it is only moments and moments dont last that long. I hope you find and hang on to the good moments and I hope over time they become the longer ones.

I hope you can find a way soon that allows you to live with this disease, stop fighting the fact that you have it and start to find a way to be fully you - the wonderful you - the you not limited by this disease but freed from it by living with it going beyond it.

It is my prayer to you that you find this way.

We are here for you anytime.

Haiku spammers whoever you are get out of this blog and I will sure report you bec of what you do!

Thank you Paul and Liz. The only way I hold out is because I have a husband and three girls. I'm still working on med adjustments but I get into these little denial things that I'm not bipolar. I know that suicide is wrong but I can't stand the pain that I'm in at times.

Paul-Your words are too kind. I do appreciate them. You're right, moments are moments.

Just for today, I will hold out. My therapist is working with me, too.

HUGS,
Abeth

Abeth, I join in being with you as you go through those dark moments and remember as Paul said they are just that, moments.

I was thinking about what Paul said about not fighting the disease and instead finding the real you who is living and able to beat it and survive.

Abeth, I join in being with you as you go through those dark moments and remember as Paul said they are just that, moments.

I was thinking about what Paul said about not fighting the fact that the disease is there and instead finding the real you who is living and able to beat it and survive.

Paul,

I've just enjoyed your shown on 7. Another great one my friend and may there be many more.

All the best Paul, take care,

Pete H

Abeth, bless your heart. My brother was diagnosed Manic-depressive in his 30's. he took meds for a while maybe he still does. He worked it out and you can too. He had some pretty dark moments. Your life is worth so much....... I can not imagine the corner without you in it. You have so much to be thankful for and you deserve to be here and we deserve to have you here. So don't cheat us out of your friendship. Stay healthy and know that we all love you very much. VERY MUCH. I have been so depressed lately but I know in the end, I could never hurt my family so much as to take me away from them. I wouldnt want to hurt them so much. I hope your docs can get your meds adjusted and you can feel better. Its a tough road we all take, hang in there.

Paul, It is a nice thought that Michael and my Dad are drinking a beer. My Dad loved beer. Im sure he is drinking one right now at deer camp!

Love to all,

Kelly kiss kiss extra love to Abeth! xoxo

Dear Paul,

I have stumbled across this page and just wanted to send you and your family a sense of pure love from your brother.I truly beleive that he is happy, safe and keeping a close eye on you. Loss is something that we learn at a very young age and it never gets any easier, especially when like your brother it is not expected...I also strongly think that for what ever reason he left you, it was never his intention to hurt you. Listen to god on the whisper and he and your brother will be there...kind regards and thoughts
Gena xx

p.s Your show needs to come to the Hunter Valley xx

Hi Paul

Hope you are your family are well.

Reading your most recent post moved me, I send you warm hugs and wishes for this time.

Love Clair.
XXX

P.S. Congrats on the success of your book! (Hoping to see it availiable to the UK at some point!)

Abeth--my heart goes out to you.

Paul said it beautifully. It's a part of your life but it's not who you are. Don't let it rob you of yourself. :) ((HUG))

Hi Paul,
You must have been close to your brother. It's just a waste of a life when someone takes their own life. I have just remembered my own pain and sense of lost just a few days ago. On the 20th /11/09 it was my Grandmas 77th birthday. She died 3 years ago and I miss her dearly.

She didn't die through suicde she did through stress and even stress can cause life to feel like it's not worth it.
Besides all that, life is a beautiful thing and we should live it to the full,not waste it by killing ourselfs.

I will keep you and your brother in my prayers and I hope that you will be strong and have a beer on your brothers behalf. I would think that he would want you to do that.
Keep smiling
Becky.

Becky--I hope you and your family always have wonderful memories of your grandmother.

Stress certainly can take the life out of us--doesn't take much.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

You can get a copy of the Mercurio's Menu book signed and autographed by Paul this coming Thursday at the bookstore cafe called Mary Ryan's in Bulimba Australia (see front page); Katie and Tania through Sarah's organizing and Cat's contacts are able to have the books signed for us; there is still time to add your name and get your copy; contact Sarah on Facebook as soon as possible as you have only 2 days to have the books ready before Paul gets there in person.

PLS PASS THIS INFORMATION ALONG!!!IMPORTANT AND URGENT: ACTION NEEDED!!!

If you are already in Bulimba (which is a suburb of Brisbane?), sign up with Mary Ryan's and go there in person and be part of the booksigning champagne brunch with Paul. Brisbane Bulimba PCs you are lucky!!!

PCs in BRISBANE

You can also see Paul at another booksigning event in addition to the breakfast brunch at Mary Ryan's--great chance to get the book in time for Christmas.

http://brisbane.gumtree.com.au/c-Events-Meet-Paul-Mercurio-at-Borders-Brisbane-CBD-W0QQAdIdZ169356182

Paul and all PCs attending--hope Brisbane's a great success!

It's Thanksgiving time in the US--

Thank you to Paul, Cat and all PCs for another year of friendship and sharing.

Melody
Chicago IL

Thanks to Paul and Cat for this great site.

Thanks to Paul and Katie, Tania of Mary Ryan's Bulimba for getting the books signed and giving personal attention to our request for autographed copies.

Sarah, thank you for organizing the book shipment and putting everytning together.

Again, congrats to Paul on your book launch--may you continue to share the joy of mucking around with your food and creating and sharing something really good.

Special thanks to Sarah who did the difficult task of getting the info out on FB and contacting the key people esp Paul. Thanks Sarah, hope you had a good Thanksgiving in NY.

What a surprise I got when I arrived for my breakfast book event to find ten copies waiting to be signed by me and then sent to the US to some pc'ers!!!! I didnt know that it had been organised so well done to Liz and Sarah for making it happen. The people at the book shop were very impressed by your enthusiasm and professionalism in organising the books, the signing and the posting etc. I signed all the books and I guess they will be on their way by now.

If any one missed out and wants to still get a book signed then I am doing a book signing at Beaumaris Books on the 7th of December and could sign some then if you organise payment and postage etc.

www.beaumarisbooks.com.au

Thanks Paul for the info where the next booksigning will be and that US and international PCs can have them autographed. I am sure a lot of the PCs missed out bec we gave 2 days notice and it was the holiday Thanksgiving week; so PCs who missed out here is your chance. We discovered that the special book shops gave our request personal attention and that made a big difference in getting everything organized for Paul to sign the books. So heads up on the booksiging at Beumaris (Victoria, AUS). Thanks Paul!!!

Hello everyone. First I want to say to Paul that I hope your heart has healed a little more in the days since you posted this. I know the word heal is over used. What does it mean? It means that you somehow grow newness. Have you heard of "growing pains"? It hurts, but it happens whether you know it or not. I'm sure you are growing. I have faith that your brother has also grown in his journey. We don't know where we are going but we are all on a journey of growth and awareness. We are deaf, dumb and blind to it most of the time, speaking for myself, but we are moving to something.
My sister continues to fight each and every day to stay alive. Others do not want to live. How can we make sense of this?
Abeth, I have always felt a pull to you, if you will. I must have felt some part of your heart. We all do here. We all truly care about each other here. All because of Paul. Paul do you realize that this must be for a reason? It's awesome. Abeth, please continue to work with whatever and whomever is helping you with your pain. I am leery of the meds, but if you have a very good team around you, I'm sure you are in good hands. Cling to your family for support. Do not withdraw. Stay in front of yourself and put the dark parts of yourself behind you. Visualize yourself pushing the darkness behind you and telling it to go upon it's nasty way and to stay away from you! You are in charge, believe it or not, it's just the evil that would have you believe otherwise. But it is not true. They can't have you unless you let them. "Them" is the evil in the universe. YOU are not evil.

O.k. too deep. But sometimes you have to put a name to what ails you. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. Otherwise it become confusing and gains steam. If you let it get too strong it takes over.

This is just my two cents. I have fought some depression in my time also. Believe me. When I was younger I did think that death would free me from what seemed would not or could not change in my life...but believe it or not, time marches on with or without you and here I am. Time didn't heal anything, I just grew.

Love you all!
p.s. I missed the book! I've been absent....
Can I still get one??

MaryS it is best to to a bundled order so the shipping cost is less--Sarah on FB has been gathering names and order as a group and reship from the US. Contact Sarah through Facebook. There are more events coming up and the more names the better. You can also order from CO but better to have others join you bec of the shipping. Liz

For the PCs who missed out on the reviews: here is a full length book review

http://beattiesbookblog.blogspot.com/2009/11/mercurios-menu-paul-mercurio-murdoch.html

Hi Liz

Forgive me for being cheeky and butting in but is there a chance please that I may be included in the book thing. My only problem is that I live in the UK?

Many thanks. :)

Of course Claire!; I do not find that cheeky at all but sorry for not including the UK in our announcements. We have done the bundled order mainly for 3 reasons:

1. Paul gets to sign the books!!!
2. The shipping cost is less if there is more than one book.
3. Your book hopefully will make it in time for Christmas, ie get it signed and shipped asap!

Paul travels a lot so we try to contact the next site--which he said is Beumaris in Victoria. You and MaryS have expressed interest. I emailed the bookstore and am waiting for a response. They may have a faster and less expensive way to send to the UK as Aus and UK have good ties. For privacy, Sarah is the contact person in Facebook to send the mailing info/email etc.
Disclaimer: I and Sarah are not employed by the bookstore but we probably should nor do we have a financial interest in this :) We are just avid Paul fans.

very much looking forward to getting my copy of the cookbook, autographed and all :) thank you Paul, Sarah & Liz for making it happen!!!

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
Booksigning event Dec 7 at Beaumaris Books in Victoria. This is impt as it may be the last chance to get your book signed before Christmas, unless you can make it in person to the event, which is much much better. For one thing you can share a meal with Paul if you make it there.

As for the faraway PCs the first batch of books is already on its way to Sarah in VA; Katie at Mary Ryan's Books said the event was great; it was so great and they said Paul was great in person, they forgot to take a picture :( They also cannot send the haloumi or fruit toast that we asked them to sneak between the pages bec of customs laws. So Evelyn, I am excited also;soon Sarah will send it to us. Thanks Paul for signing all the books -- that is just so cool.

Sorry Clair for the misspell, there is no e in Clair. Working on organizing a 2nd shipment and I and Sarah will let you know any info we get.

Hi Liz, thank you so much! Will keep a look out! (I don't have facebook unfortunately, eek!)

Wow--that was really quick--I look forward to my personal copy, and more exciting that Paul signed the books for us.

Sarah and Liz--kudos for doing all the "legwork" on Facebook and also with the store where Paul appeared. Fantastic and quick thinking.

Well back to business after all that Thanksgiving food and fun. Cheers, all!

Hi PC's, health for all, congratulations for the book, Paul. Success in sales.

I missed out on Paul's book. My own fault. Of course, I wanted one with an autograph. Please let me know if another opportunity arises.

Have a great week everyone!

Oy, I really need to avoid long periods of not visiting here. ;)

First, Paul I understand your pain to an extent. My dad an I wondered if his youngest brother didn't in some way commit suicide. We believe he knew he was sick for some time before he was finally taken to the hospital and diagnosed with cancer at the base of his spine. He died within a month.

Thanks for the kudos on helping to organize the book purchase/distribution... but it would not have happened at all if Liz hadn't contacted me. For anyone else still interested in getting books (we have less than a week before Paul's next signing) either contact me on Facebook or email me at: katsmig(at)mindspring.com so we can see how much of an interest there is.

Just an addendum: If you do email me please put something in the subject line so I know who you are.

Hi PC's,
There are some Paul`s nice photos
Ballet is beautiful...

http://www.pictureaustralia.org/apps/pictureaustralia?term1=paul+mercurio&Submit=search&action=PASearch&attribute1=any+field&mode=search

Thanks, Marisha, love those photos; that was a great collection of Paul's work; he did so many different roles--really versatile artist.

REMINDER: PCs pls let Sarah know if you want your name added to the list ASAP. The book is the perfect gift for the hesitant cook--Paul in his show and book shows ease and playfulness with food--and great recipes too. You can get the book for others too if you already have a copy!!!

Cant wait to get my copy of the book. I had no idea Paul was going to sign it! BONUS!!

Love to all,

KELLY

Marisha, those pictures were a find!

Thanks so much for posting the link for them.

Bravo, Paul!

Happy Anniversary to Paul and Andrea!!!

(Time flies as I remember doing this not too long ago!)

Best Wishes on your book tour!