Paul's Corner

A funny thing happened on the way to work ("the forum" - did that as a play when I was a kid and had a great time!) Anyway normally I get on my motorbile and ride off to work with me and only me for company in my helmet. Usually I think about work and life and soon find myself wingeing and negatively affirming what it is that gives me the shits about life, my work my lack of work my petty frustrations and then I start to struggle with the various fears that seem to continuely swim around our daily pursuits of a joyless - oops I mean joyful life. You know what I mean.

Today a funny thing happened!!! I got on my motorbike and stuffed my head and my thoughts into my helmet and rode off to work. Up the road I rode and the next thing that happened was I realised I was singing!!! Yep singing - I mean what the heck is going on here. I was singing a bit from 'guys and dolls' and then I started singing the Billy Joel song I sung for my Monty audition - "piano man" - then a bit of jazz here and some blues there and before I knew it I arrived at work with not a cross thought had or a negative imagining imagined!!

I enjoyed the start of my day. I enjoyed the trip to work. And when I think of it now - after a full day at work and some rather grumpy and close to rude customers dealt with - I still feel good.

I often whistle at work, in the bath, on the loo and whilst walking. I am usually humming something somewhere and the movies I often remember, the ones that still uplift me years after I watched them are all musicals - though I must add here Eat Drink Man Woman is one of my all time favorites!!

What am I getting at - music is food for the soul - wether you be the singer, whistler or hummer. I have heard of very good race car drivers singing to themselves whilst racing at very high and dangerous speeds just to keep themselves relaxed. I tried it when I was racing a couple of times it helped me.

Lift up your spirit and sing yourself a song.

Coopers Club night this Thursday night at the Gunn Island Brew Pub in Middle Park!!

Meet the Coopers family and staff and drink some flamin GOOD beer.

See ya there!

I'm tired. I'm tired of it all. Of waiting, of wanting, of hoping, of keeping my chin up, of keeping on, of smiliing when i want to cry, of keeping silent when i want to rage and rant, of being proper, of being nice, of being what they want , of being what you want , of not being what i want,.

I'm tired of the crap, of the lies, of the deciet, tired of being frustrated, walked over, forgotten, pointed at, stared at and whispered behind, I'm tired of knowing smiles, gloating looks and insincere intimicies.

Cold smiles leave me hot with dismay, deaf looks leave me tepid, drowning in a sea of grey, uncaring thoughtlessness, a whirlpool slowly dragin me down, within, suffocating, spinning, spiraling down to doom.

I'm tired of clinging on, waiting for it - as they promise time and time and time again that it will get better. Tired of counting the blows i have stood up after, tired of preparing for the next, tired of this endless testing, tired of not knowing, of being in the dark - it's my life god damn it - when do I get what I want, have I ever had what I wanted or merely enjoyed what I had?

I know what I want, I just dont know how to get it, make it happen, surrender to its timetable, faith, trust, chin up, stay at it, cling on tight real tight dont succumb to the tired, to the whirl pool - hang on, do more than hang on - dare to dream, dare to believe

I'm not tired of living nor of smiling or bringing a smile to some one else.

Perhaps the whirl pool is an untapped well of creativity and I am tired of holding it together, scared of what it might do, where it may take me, who I may become.

Mmmmmmmmm I still feel tired, also a little excited, a little inspired, a little curioius........dont hang on , surrender, blow the flow!

Is it possible to be grateful for an opportunity and yet at the same time resent the experience?

What does it mean to be grateful? To fully express ones gratitude - does that make one subservient - less than one can be, should be, is? Or does finding the truth of being grateful make us more of who we are, what we are becoming. Does the experience and the expression of what it is make us better people.

And then what of resentment. Is there anything positive in that? Is there any point in it?

My Mum is sitting with me and has said to me - (my para phrasing) " life is a game and in any game you can always find a way to win it - persevere, persistence and patience - with these three things you can win - you can find a way to win and perhaps you can indeed find yourself. Importantly it is not so much about winning but getting past that line that life seems to set out in front of us. Facing the hurdles and getting on with it."